


The 12th Floor

by alcrevier



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F, Parental Death, mention of non-con, mild depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2018-12-20 06:18:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 162,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11914956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alcrevier/pseuds/alcrevier
Summary: [AU] Repeatedly, Emily falls into a boring cycle of bar-sitting, hitting on someone new, and waking up to head to Imagi-Vision Ink where she’s worked for years alongside Hanna and Aria. This sequence is broken once she meets Alison at her favorite bar, only to be brushed off. Clouded by their “almost” night together, Emily’s work begins to dwindle ━ or maybe there’s another reason.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been 84 years…
> 
> No, but seriously, how’ve you lovelies been? Enjoying a PLL-less world? I haven’t been. Well, as far as missing PLL goes… BUT, let me tell you, The Bold Type has salvaged a good amount of my sanity (though my friends may disagree). I implore you to give it a chance, if you haven’t already, since there are two episodes left in the season and it’s a super progressive show. Anywho, in real-world matters, I’ve been good. Actually, since we last read together (unless you’re new here; welcome), my family gained a new addition in the form of my shiny new nephew. Interesting, ain’t it? Alrighty, well. I know you’re here for a reason and that reason isn’t to hear me talk about myself for an eon longer.
> 
> I’m guessing you’re here for the, uhhh, Emison.
> 
> This is another lengthy story ━ probably ending up around 150K words or so ━ and it’s full of things such as conflict, disagreements, decisions, lust, love, smiles, subtle addictions, and vast struggling. With that being said, you know I do well (not to toot my own horn) at balancing everything out, so don’t be so skeptical about some of those shaky things I mentioned above. I’ll let the story speak for itself, though.
> 
> A reminder, as per usual: This story’s rated E, so tread carefully. 
> 
> A warning: Future chapters may hold dialogue/memories that could be triggering to some, revolving around struggles such as losing a loved one and emotional abuse. Although I’ve made sure to stray away from overly sensitive content, I’m in no place to judge one’s triggers, so I always encourage everyone to take care of themselves. 
> 
> Okay, it’s time to continue on with this trend in my stories (in addition to the long-as-fuck author’s note at the bottom of this chapter)… without further ado, happy reading!

Brown eyes threaten to close as she stares at what appears to be the world’s most boring spreadsheet, numbers upon numbers strewn across the screen in boxes. Her back is slumped ━ or, well, the majority of her body ━ while absentmindedly swiveling in her fifty-dollar, hardly-comfortable office chair, chewing at her inner cheek with a quiet yet abrupt breath exiting her system. She uses her pointer finger to somewhat slap a key down, accidentally missing the desired number and grunting once she realizes what happened. Her hands come up to rub her eyes, desperately wanting to wipe away the impending headache, though she knows it’s part of the job’s territory since she’s had a sporadic migraine for months now. 

It’s not that Emily hates her job, but it’s not something she’s fascinated by.  _ Accounting _ , she internally rolls her eyes; who in their right mind would go into accounting without at least relatively enjoying it? Out of all the jobs their company ━ colorfully named “Imagi-Vision Ink” ━ has to offer, she decided to go with something she’s always been good at: numbers.

Okay, so maybe being good at accounting wasn’t the only reason she accepted this job, in the first place. A grin paves its way across her mouth when she remembers discovering the “all or nothing” type of business with her two best friends ━ both of which are situated in the cubicles attached to hers since she had been placed on an end-cap. 

_ “Seriously? Accounting?” Hanna deadpans as her eyes bore into Emily’s application, making a pursed-lipped face while Aria chuckles only a few feet away. _

_ “What?” the brunette ducks her head in a confused, semi-annoyed manner. “I probably won’t even get this job. I’m just filling this thing out because you two seem to think this is our ‘calling,’” she mocks the blonde’s recently proclaimed word. _

_ “You don’t have to,” Aria intervenes, shrugging one shoulder. “We only thought it’d be nice if we got to see each other every day, work or no work.” _

_ “What makes you think I won’t get sick of you guys?” Emily decides to tease, getting two, varying looks from her friends. _

The conversation put her at-ease, in all honesty, because (admittedly) she knew it would probably be the best bet if she’d get to often see the two people who have always been by her side. So, once they finished their applications ━ Hanna and Aria both aiming for small, journalist positions because of the company’s variety of options within the same rank ━ the three waited to hear back (or not) and, eventually, they did. One by one, each girl received a business call ━ Emily’s coming first ━ and endured the daunting (multiple) interviews, being hired after twenty days of back-and-forths.

_ “I can’t believe we were placed right next to each other,” Emily mutters under her breath, eyes dotting around the bland space with older, experienced workers already at their desks and paying no attention to the multiple newcomers ━ two more than the three friends ━ since quite a few veteran employees were moved to a new floor or let go.  _

_ “Call it a blessing,” Hanna gives her a cheesy smile. _

_ “I call it karma,” the brunette teases with an evident smirk, Aria snickering nearby. “For what, I have no idea.” _

Being hired by what looked like (and practically is) a large yet still-upcoming company made Emily feel good about herself, more so because she’s never been hit with the overwhelming sensation of success, and her desire to thrive in her new “field” paid off, becoming one of the best accountants in the whole building.

Unfortunately, that drive only lasted an extended amount of time and began to dwindle around ten months ago, bringing out a desperate side of Emily which longs for fun and passion. Due to her fixation with feeling occupied and enthralled, the brunette’s old, frisky personality has recently taken over, coming out at night once she heads to her favorite sports bar ━ Heroes’ Bar ━ only a number of blocks from her small, “meh” apartment located within the outskirts of Stamford, Connecticut.

Although her habits are the least bit healthy (so she admits), she’s become a regular at the bar, especially during baseball season since the redesigned pub is always playing the current/most recent Red Sox game. Occasionally ━ or every once in a blue moon ━ Emily even drags Toby along, having a strong relationship with the man she had met years ago and began boxing with on a daily basis as a result of his job at the local training center. Basically, Toby’s become the brother she never had, and he’s usually found dishing out advice regarding things that are obviously troubling the brunette ━ not to say Emily is very receptive.

_ “Why are you trying to give me girl advice?” Emily relaxes her shoulders, taking a round of deep breaths while staring at Toby who mirrors her posture. “It’s not like you’ve dated anyone in… what? Three years?” _

_ “Two, thank you,” he raises his eyebrows, “and there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe I like being alone.” _

_ “Yeah?” the brunette’s cheeks round as she smiles heavily, taunting him. _

_ “What’s that face for? You like to fuck around and I like to spend time with… no one in particular,” his words earn a glare that doesn’t come with a defense, watching Emily begin to punch the hanging bag in front of her while paying attention to what she’s doing and filling the padded room with solid smacks. _

_ “For your information,” she grunts, her posture slouching once she takes a deep breath, “I barely ‘fuck around’ anymore. Other than short flings which, by the way, a lot of normal people have,” the guarded words come through a pointed tone, “I’ve only really been with a few people since college, one of which━” _

_ “━is a manipulative━” _

An elongated sigh relaxes Emily’s body ━ or maybe she becomes so bored that her energy simply evaporates ━ and her eyes dart to the tiny, clocked numbers in the corner of her desktop’s screen, noting that Monday’s workday is almost over because it’s finally close to five o’clock and, God, that’s the best news. 

“It’s unusually quiet today,” Hanna comments as she rolls her chair out of her cubicle to peek into Emily’s. “Have you noticed?”

The brunette stretches her neck to peer over the other office spaces, looking around with pursed lips and narrowed eyes before getting back into her former position and droning, “Well, it  _ is  _ a Monday,” while hitting a few more keys.

“Yeah, but this isn’t just a Monday silence,” she squints. “It’s weird.”

“No, I haven’t really noticed,” Emily scratches her head while closing her multiple, on-screen windows and properly shutting down her space’s computer.

“Where are you going?” Aria saunters into her work area, crossing her arms while leaning forward against the grey, wire-materialed barrier dividing Emily’s cubicle from Hanna’s.

“Um,” the brunette hums, breathing out afterwards, “the training center, I think.”

“Do you ever like… kick Toby’s ass?” Hanna waves a pencil around while asking in an interested tone. “Just for the hell of it?” 

Emily laughs, shaking her head.

“I think we would’ve heard about it, by now,” Aria adds.

“Not if he was embarrassed,” the blonde offers with wide eyes and an emphatic shrug.

“Work. Now, Ms. Marin,” the three hear a dull, nasally voice pass by, each girl watching their floor director ━ Mr. Riley ━ rub the back of his bald head while shuffling into his nicer-than-anything office located only feet away from Emily’s work area ━ something she had frowned at when she was first assigned her location because his constant staring is unsettling.

“Can you kick  _ his  _ ass for the hell of it?  _ Please _ ?” Hanna whisper-hisses to Emily, the brunette rolling her eyes.

“Maybe if you didn’t talk so much,” Aria explains with a pointed, teasing tone, Hanna sticking her tongue out as Emily pushes her chair away from her computer and packs up her lone bag to throw it over her shoulder.

“Are you seriously leaving me with him?” Emily hears the blonde halfheartedly whine, Aria giving her a sharp “Hey, I’m stuck here too.” 

“If you worked faster, you’d be finished on time,” the brunette lectures her friends, knowing that Hanna tends to get distracted whereas Aria is simply a perfectionist when it comes to her article-writing. 

“I can’t just pull words out of my ass!”

“Really? You seem to do it often enough.”

“New question,” Hanna clears her throat. “Does Toby ever kick  _ your  _ ass?”

Emily goes to give her a smug answer, though she’s run over when the same blonde continues to taunt with a curt “If not, I recommend he tries it.”

“I’ll let him know you said so,” Emily prods at her best friend, watching the blonde’s face fall when she realizes that she lost whatever back-and-forth battle they had going on.

She re-situates her bag on her shoulder while her friends watch, soon turning to them and offering a tight-lipped smile.

“Have a nice night,” Aria flashes her a fuller smile, Emily nodding with a quiet “You too” before turning to Hanna and pointing at her with a serious “Work.”

“Why do you only lecture me? Aria’s just standing around, yet━”

“Goodnight, Hanna,” Emily begins to walk away, leaving no room for further arguments.

“It’s not even nighttime,” she hears Hanna get out through a stressed whisper, mentally picturing the girl leaning away from her computer to throw the words through her office space’s small entryway. 

Emily smirks while moving toward the elevators, watching the doors slide open almost immediately since the building is pretty dead with workers once the clock strikes four, the majority of employees busy and/or already headed home. Stepping inside the metal box, Emily reaches for the lobby’s button and hits it until it’s illuminated, gently rolling her neck as the doors shut. 

 

X X X

 

“Well, look who it is,” a rough-faced man standing behind the bar tosses a towel onto the counter, wiping an area down as he watches Emily approach further until she’s sitting in her normal spot.

“You act like I don’t come here every other day,” they both laugh, Emily shaking her head as Atlas ━ the pub’s only female bartender, A.K.A. one of the brunette’s ex-flings ━ shimmies behind Billy ━ or “Moose,” as everyone calls him.

“You’re giving yourself too much credit,” he tuts. “You’re in here just about every goddamn day.”

“I’m giving you business!” Emily laughs even harder, getting a big smile from Billy with a matched “Alright, alright. You got me there.”

She looks to the left to watch the flat-screen TV in the upper corner of the bar, pursing her lips and absentmindedly nodding to herself when she sees that the Red Sox game is nearing the sixth inning, the Yankees ahead by one run off a homerun back in the bottom of the third.

“Your usual?” Atlas’ raspy voice breaks Emily out of her trance, the brunette’s eyes locking with a different shade of brown.

“No, not tonight,” she shakes her head. “Can I just have some water?”

“How boring of you,” Emily smiles at the teasing, enjoying that, although they had fallen into bed together a time or two, it’s never been anything more than common fun; they’re both thankful for the solid friendship they have despite what’s happened, never leaving an awkward mark on any conversations between them.

A tall glass of water is placed in front of Emily’s seat with a sincere “Here you go, Miss Basic” and, again, the brunette chuckles while shaking her head. 

She notices the lack of guests in the pub tonight, probably because it’s a chilly, Monday evening in the middle of June and no one knows whether to stay in or go out on days like these. In fact, she nearly stayed home tonight to disrupt her “regular” schedule, being drained from the insane amount of boredom she endured at work and the exercise she went through after that. As always, she enjoyed her boxing session with Toby, ranting about her dull existence until he began to pry at her sex life once more.

_ “I’ve gotten better, okay?” she tries to defend once and for all. “I know I’ve been… bad, but it’s only a…” struggling to find a good excuse, Toby interrupts. _

_ “A connection thing?”  _

_ “Kind of, I guess,” her padded fist smashes into the punching bag harder than prior, getting a lecturing “Easy…” from Toby. _

_ “Maybe I’m just lonely.” _

_ “You? Lonely?” he deadpans. “I’m not trying to be an ass and, trust me, I know you’re going to think I am, but you’ve gotta admit that you saying you’re lonely sounds kind of… hard to believe.” _

_ She gives him a look and he goes on the defensive, “Em, you’ve been sleeping with the same string of girls for… how long now?” _

_ Emily goes to open her mouth, though she doesn’t get far because Toby semi-rambles, “Well, not all at once. Although I’m sure you wouldn’t be against━” _

_ “You’re right…” Emily puts her hands on her hips as much as she can with gloves on. “I do think you’re an ass.” _

And she meant it; the feeling of loneliness has attacked her far more recently, ever since she cut off her most recent, solid ex once and for all. Since then, her “relationships” have become more interchanged and she knows it’s not a great way to cope, but that’s the only way she knows how.

Sighing, she reaches for the glass of water and takes a sip, hearing a soft, new voice say, “Thank you,” from three chairs over. 

Immediately, Emily turns toward the source of the sound, studying a blonde whom she’s never seen in the bar prior to tonight but wishes she’d see more often after today. She blinks hard, looking away and hearing Atlas snicker from where she cleans a glass behind the bar because it’s not hard to decipher what Emily’s “holy shit” type of gaze looks like. Emily, hearing the sound, rubs her head with her hand, periodically glancing at the blonde girl who scrolls through her phone while sipping what looks to be a fruity drink.

She has a glow about her, Emily notes, a tiny smile tugging at her lips because the girl appears dressy yet casual at the same time, almost like this seemingly alone bar-trip was absolutely intentional instead of simply stumbling upon the place because she found it in the corner of a next-to-Stamford town. Her hair falls against her shoulders, covering up the straps to her black and white, patterned dress while her heels click against the bottom rod of the barstool she sits on.

“She’s going to think you’re a fucking weirdo if you keep staring, kid,” Billy turns his head away from the mysterious blonde girl so only Emily can hear, the brunette’s forehead creasing.

“Thanks for your input,” Emily drones.

“Anytime.”

With Billy walking away and Atlas in the backroom somewhere, Emily looks toward the girl again, though she’s overly shocked when bright, blue eyes are staring back at her and, internally, she hopes she didn’t look like a deer caught in headlights because, quite frankly, that’s how she felt before turning away. Out of the corner of her eye, she watches the blonde smile in a strange yet welcoming way as she looks back down to her phone, Emily finally realizing that they’re paying attention to one another equally as much.

The new information gives her confidence, reaching deep down and pulling her act together as she slides off the barstool and casually walks over to the blonde who, at first, pretends she’s minding her own business. Five, solid seconds pass by even though it feels like a century, Emily awkwardly standing next to the girl who finally turns her head to lock eyes with brown.

“May I help you?” her voice is even nicer up close, Emily muses like a star-struck teenager who has to take a moment to process before regaining her persistent facade.

“Were you looking at me for a reason?” Emily dares to ask.

“You were looking at me first,” sparkling, blue eyes narrow, the brunette impressed yet feeling threatened by the way the girl’s personality squashes her “confidence” like a bug.

“Was I?” nevertheless, she tries to keep up, squinting her eyes with intent to match the girl sitting while she stands by the nextdoor stool. 

“You were,” her tone lowers into something more suspicious. “I’d like to know why.”

Emily decides against continuing with this little, “no, you” type of game, placing her water on the bar, rounding the stool, and sitting next to the girl who watches her every move with little to no sign of breaking her poker face ━ aside from the occasional smirks that threaten to smash through the brunette’s already-wavering yet courageous act.

“Well,” Emily breathes out, not looking at the bar’s newcomer, “I saw you sitting here… and you looked… happy.”

“You’ve never seen happiness before?”

“I  _ have _ , which is why I can tell you’re not just here because you’re bored or want to catch the game,” she nods backward when mentioning the TV.

“Just because I look happy?” the girl sounds amused by the explanation, leaning back for a split second.

“Mm, it’s not just happiness,” Emily’s eyes semi-unintentionally roam the blonde’s body language. “You have a lightness about you.”

“A  _ lightness _ ?” her smile makes Emily want to melt, the brunette laughing at her own words. “That’s an interesting thing to base a theory on.”

“Are you saying I’m wrong?”

The question makes the girl press her tongue to her inner cheek while the remnants of her former, entertained smile fade away, afterwards rubbing her lips together as Emily waits for a response.

“I just landed a big job in my dream-field, and, I don’t know, I wanted to celebrate before my first day tomorrow,” the confession makes Emily grin in admiration.

“What’s your dream-field?” she feels drawn to the girl next to her.

“Management. It sounds stupid, I know, but… I’ve always been good at it and, luckily, I love it.”

“No, not stupid,” Emily hums, making a face. “That’s actually…  _ really  _ impressive. I could never do that. Accounting is tiring enough.”

“Oh, so you’re an accountant when you’re not staring at people in bars? Hm,” Emily smiles hard at the fresh batch of teasing.

“You know, I was  _ going  _ to buy you a shot or two so we could celebrate your new job, but now I’m thinking I should go back to minding my own business.”

“Maybe you should,” suddenly, Emily feels like she can’t win whatsoever and her smug grin falls flat, being stared at by the girl who wears a triumphant, tight-lipped smile matching playful eyes.

With a deep breath, the brunette caves and looks at Billy, holding up two fingers and getting a nod. Looking back into curious eyes, Emily remains silent, hoping to read the girl who studies her in a way that makes her feel small. Barely any time passes before two shots are slid in front of the pair of girls, the blonde silently questioning what’s in the small glass but picking it up, anyway.

Emily carefully holds the shot glass between her fingers, claiming, “Cheers to dreams coming true,” and getting a laugh from the girl who throws the shot back at the same as she does.

The stubby, glass items are pushed away, Emily making a face before clearing her throat and glancing around the bar. In the meantime, she’s being stared at and knows it, though she tries to come off like it isn’t affecting her.

“What’s your name?” 

Turning back, Emily watches the girl tilt her head just barely, her blonde hair cascading down her shoulders while the dark makeup around her eyes brightens the blueness of her gaze even more so because the bar’s lights appear dimmer than minutes prior.

“Emily,” internally, she hopes her answer doesn’t sound as choked-up as she feels, forcing her throat to relax.

The girl partially narrows her eyes with a small, devious-looking grin, nodding with a curious “Nice to meet you” before turning away with the brunette quirking an eyebrow in confusion because their short conversation seems to have ended without a mere mention of what the blonde’s name is.

“And yours?” Emily gets out through a breathy laugh, being faced again with a smirk that reveals she knows exactly what she’s doing.

She never gets a name, but her eyes watch constant, amused facial expressions appear over the blonde’s features. It makes her even more driven to get to know her, completely ignoring the fact that she’s absolutely beautiful because, now, she’s way more intrigued than she is attracted ━ or maybe it’s a mix of both, Emily swallows hard; she’s not used to this type of feeling and, honestly, part of her wants it to leave but another fraction wants to drown in it, almost like a newfound addiction. 

“Do you come here often?” Emily asks out of nowhere, making light conversation when a sense of urgency to keep the strangely playful exchange going strikes her in the stomach even though, on the other hand, she wants to pinch the bridge of her nose because, really, what kind of  _ stupid  _ pick-up line━

“Not as much as you do,” her keen tone is unwavering.

“How do you know I come here often?” she’s amused, to put it gently, because the stunning blonde sounds so sure of her own accusation ━ though, admittedly, she’s correct.

“You seem to know the people in here quite well.”

“If I  _ did _ , then why would I ask if you come here often? I’d already know,” Emily narrows her eyes, forcefully turning the tables in order to remain in control of the banter.

“Because you needed an excuse to extend our conversation.” 

The words make Emily appear taken aback, her lips fractionally parting as the blonde begins to smirk, focus drifting to the girl’s mouth before regaining solid eye contact that makes the brunette want to melt. In the end, Emily can’t scrape together a rebuttal, gingerly nibbling on her lower lip and looking away with cheeks that threaten to blush. 

In response, the dressed-up girl hums in confirmation, equally having her eyes drift away from the person next to her because the atmosphere changed within the past however-many seconds and, shit, it’s thick ━ a result of her own words even though that wasn’t her intention. Now, however, she’s getting sucked into the warm feeling of the brunette whose aura has become less powerful and more exposed, coming off as a gentle, passionate bar-goer with the most beautiful eyes, and━

“It worked, by the way,” she glances at Emily again, feeling shy with a tiny grin tugging at one corner of her mouth.

“Yeah?” the brunette squints in caution, mildly turning in her seat.

“Mhm,” she takes a chance, wanting to know more about the girl who has her mind twisting toward an emotion she’s tried to repress for the longest time, ever since her last relationship went to absolute hell.

Sucking up her blatant teasing, she extends her hand to the brunette, “My name’s Alison.”

Emily takes the gesture as a peace-offering and gives her a genuine, bright smile that makes the blonde want to match it.

“Nice to meet you,” her words come out far more seductive than she meant, both feeling the air surrounding them turn almost darker.

Their eyes meet again, locking quickly with intentions swirling. Unfortunately for the two who were enjoying whatever-it-was going on between them, Billy gets out a disbelieving, “Ah, son of a…” while waving a hand at the TV in an annoyed manner. Emily snorts at the comment but turns toward the game as Alison follows suit, the blonde making a scoffing noise when she sees that the Red Sox have tied the game. Emily’s jaw drops a bit as she faces the girl beside her like prior, feeling caught off-guard.

“I take it that I’m talking to a Yankees fan,” her eyebrows raise at Alison who leans her elbow on the bar’s surface, tilting her head to the side.

“Yeah,  _ and _ ?”

“Typical,” the brunette purses her lips and shakes her head. “Already getting defensive,” she muses, more so to herself to prod at a fan of her team’s longtime rival.

“Look at you, getting all cocky and being just as typical,” she throws back, Emily shifting her jaw and rolling her eyes while pulling out her phone.

She frowns once she wakes the device’s screen, catching sight of five missed calls from Hanna and a round of texts, one of which reads,  _ “YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE FOR A REASON, EMILY FIELDS.”  _ Without responding, Emily slides her phone back into her pocket, clearing her throat and re-focusing on the girl who’s been staring at her for a good amount of time.

“What?” Emily tries to hide her impending shyness behind a curious grin.

“Thank you,” is the only thing that follows.

“For what?”

“For keeping me company tonight,” Alison straightens her back out, tapping the bar with her fingertips while staring at the shiny surface beneath her eyes.

“Why did you come out alone?” her curiosity spills over, wondering for quite a bit now because the girl she’s becoming super fond of doesn’t give off the blatant, “lone-wolf” vibe. 

“I don’t know, honestly,” a deep breath follows the statement. “I suppose I wanted a relaxing yet celebratory night without my friends making it such a big deal.”

“But it is a big deal.”

Alison licks her lips in thought, “Well,  _ yeah _ , but… to me. Not so much to  _ them _ . I don’t mean it in an ungrateful way. My friends are my rocks,” she explains. “I just realize that everyone has their own dream, and you can’t necessarily share the same brand of excitement with everyone. It won’t taste the same to them.”

Emily falls silent, though her features show off her building admiration for the girl she’s been paying so much attention to. Inside, Alison feels stirred by her own words, mainly because she’s opened up more to Emily than most people in her life, aside from her two best friends ━ Spencer and CeCe. It’s different, she notes while keeping her eyes away from Emily, and maybe a shade of terrifying.

“You’re pretty interesting, you know,” Emily stares at the profile of the blonde’s face with an appearance that says she’s studying the girl, though her eyes drift a bit lower ━ and, thankfully, she isn’t caught by anyone but herself.

“Okay, either you’re saying that because you don’t know what interesting is, or you’re just trying to pick me up for a nice night at your place,” Alison’s response is initiated with a comical undertone to cover up her overall gratefulness about the claim, fading into something much more accusing with narrowed, pointed eyes.

She gets a laugh, though she raises her eyebrows at the sound.

“And I’m going to bet it’s the second because you don’t strike me as the boring type,” the accusation grows heavier based off the brunette’s reaction, Emily sealing her lips before faintly defending herself with a sudden “It was just a compliment,” acting like she totally  _ wasn’t  _ doing what Alison picked up on ━ not to say it doesn’t sound incredible. 

“You’re lying,” the words are flat but not annoyed, coming out sweet and prodding.

“What?” Emily’s voice almost cracks with a panicking smile. “No, I’m━”

“I’ve been sitting here with you long enough to know when you’re lying.”

The girl next to her slouches her shoulders, mouth opened with no sound coming out. Alison raises her eyebrows in expectancy, only hearing the amused answer “Okay, let’s say I  _ am  _ lying. How can you tell?”

“The less you know, the better,” is her initial excuse, Emily getting far more interested in the blonde whose eyes trail down to her mouth ━ something that makes her want to lean forward.

Before she can decide on whether or not she should proceed to make a move, Alison semi-leans toward her ear and lowers her voice, “You’re not the only one who knows how to detect people’s reasoning for being somewhere.”

Emily presses her tongue to her inner cheek, an abrupt, short laugh exiting her throat while Alison begins to gather her things, quickly sliding off the stool and looking at the brunette again.

“It didn’t work, by the way,” Alison smirks when she knows she’s outsmarted Emily whose mouth opens and closes as if she’s about to say something even though she can hardly catch up to what’s really happening.

Not even seconds pass before the girl’s heels are taking her out of the sports bar, Emily having barely enough time to catch up after nodding to Billy and letting him know she’ll be right back. She gets out a cut-off “Wait a second━” just as the door is shutting, sliding her fingers into the opening and shuffling through to see the blonde on the sidewalk, lingering near the curb as she casually searches for a taxi.

“So, that’s it?” Emily pries, wanting to keep Alison at the bar for longer because she’s never felt this attached to someone who’s recently walked into her life.

“Mm,” the blonde hums, nodding, “well, I have work in the morning and, from what you’ve told me, you do too… so yes.” 

Alison turns so they’re face to face, standing two feet away from one another, arms at their sides. Emily reads her features, noting the bright blue eyes that could probably stare straight through her soul if the girl wanted to. She wants to drown in them, as cheesy as it sounds, and her body feels relaxed yet tensed in the weirdest way, similar to how one feels ━ or so she assumes ━ when they’re about to collapse.

Likewise, Alison senses herself being drawn to the girl in front of her, wanting to step closer because Emily’s embodiment comes with an overwhelmingly comfortable vibe like they’ve known each other since they were kids, mirroring the feeling of one’s longtime, next-door neighbor that they fall in love with after going through hell together.

“Can I at least have your number?” Emily takes a chance with a dopey grin, trying to sound convincing and hopeful.

Alison seals her lips and wants to say yes, but something pushes her to continue teasing the girl who shuffles only an inch closer.

“Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose of a one-night stand?” 

“But you’re not coming home with me, so you’re not a one-night stand,” brown eyes see her resolve crumbling, longing to take just as big of a risk.

“But, if I gave you my number, I eventually could be,” Emily doesn’t know if the words sound sad or not, ignoring the knowing smile still held within Alison’s unwavering gaze.

The brunette takes the pause in conversation to think of something to reply, missing the fact that a taxi drops someone off at the bar and, immediately after they get out, Alison’s fingers wrap around the open door’s frame. She mutters, “One second,” to the driver and Emily snaps back into reality, now gaining a sense of urgency as her insides feel like they’re shaking.

Alison, seeing her bite her lower lip and desperately look around the street, has guilt nip at her heart, primarily because she’s also having a great time with Emily but doesn’t want to give into the brunette who may or may not only be looking for a nice night. It doesn’t appear that Emily has the drive to  _ use  _ her, but her past with trusting people has taken a giant nose-dive recently and, because of that, she’s scared ━ reluctant, even. Besides, she probably won’t even see the girl again and, if she does, it’ll be for a reason.  _ Fate _ , Alison muses while internally rolling her eyes.

Nevertheless, the blonde waits a second before taking a step forward, Emily side-eyeing her as she leans in and presses the world’s most gentle kiss to the corner of her mouth. Brown eyes flutter shut at the contact, longing for more but not pushing it because, strangely enough, she cares for the girl who backs up with a shy smile that shows off her dimples ━ a reaction she’s gotten multiple times tonight and, yeah, she’s been counting.

“Goodnight, Emily,” Alison whispers while getting ready to slide into the taxi’s backseat, but she’s stopped when the brunette gets out a soft “Wait.”

She raises her eyebrows in anticipation, being hit with the once-again hopeful question “When will I see you again?”

Alison can tell she’s trying to claw her way back into being overly flirty, perhaps as a defense mechanism because her vulnerability was protruding for a good thirty minutes or so, and the blonde smirks because two can play at that game. She dramatically squints one eye and looks around while biting her tongue, making a face.

“In your dreams, if you think hard enough,” and, with that, she offers a final, this-time warm smile, getting into the taxi and closing the door to separate herself from a stunned Emily. 

Although she’s stuck in a weightless state, Emily hears the taxi’s tires crunch along the pavement as it drives away, her eyes following the lightly tinted windows in hopes of seeing Alison looking back at her. It’s no use, in the end, and she’s left on the sidewalk with the faint scent of the blonde’s perfume and a desire to see the girl again. Of all people she’s met at this home-like bar… Alison has to be the most fascinating. She’s different.

The type of different that Emily didn’t know she needed until tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, Alison’s as cunning as ever and Emily is clearly head-over-heels already ━ but we’ll get those two in a second.
> 
> First, let’s discuss the girls’ friend groups: Like always, I wanted to switch things up. If you’ve already read “Tattooed Memories & Hidden Stories” and “Place Your Bet,” I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’m not a fan of keeping things the same for every story. So, in this case, I primarily wanted to see how Alison would work with CeCe and Spencer as her close friends whereas Emily is matched with Hanna, Aria, Toby, and Mona. I think there’s a lot of chemistry within both parties (with some characters polarizing others), and I’m excited for you to see these relationships put on display ━ especially Emily/Toby, Emily/Mona, and CeCe/Spencer. 
> 
> Another new thing I’ve enjoyed incorporating into the story that I haven’t really touched upon before is the concepts of fate, karma, and how the universe operates. I find it interesting because there are people who believe in these ideas and those who don’t, so every reader is going to have a different outlook when it comes to how their relationship comes about, how everything folds together, and the events that take place (in a general sense). Nevertheless, these ideas play a big part in the story, so look for them. 
> 
> Getting to our two favs: It’s clear (from their first meet-up) that Emily and Alison are two, different souls. On Alison’s side, she’s driven and confident with a huge advantage when it comes to independence and loving her job, opposing Emily who’s not really feeling fulfilled in any sense. Sure, Emily’s “confident” when it comes to women, but not when she actually feels mentally/emotionally attracted to them ━ and it’s gonna throw her for a major loop. These differing personalities are going to shove the story forward as Emily tries to find herself whereas Alison is pulled down to Earth a bit more.
> 
> Speaking of Emily, clearly her idea of relationships and/or “fun” is a shaky one. There are a few reasons for her current lifestyle, one of which you read about within this chapter ━ A.K.A. her “eh” feeling about her job, driving her to want excitement. You’ll learn about another catalyst soon (actually, it was already mentioned but I won’t spoil) and end up understanding that, as opposed to my other stories where Alison was the “damsel in distress,” Emily is the one who’s struggling. That doesn’t rule out Alison’s past woes, however; although she seems level-headed, it wasn’t always that way and she has her own, rocky past ━ one which will cause her to struggle hard when it comes to specific situations and/or choices.
> 
> Interesting enough? I hope so. In my opinion (judging from the rest of the story I have laid out), this is a great foundation ━ not to mention Alison’s teasing always being a huge win. 
> 
> Because of my odd desire to post chapters sooner rather than later, I won’t be giving you a specific day to wait around for, but just know that I usually update within five days ━ but that could change when school starts. I’m sure I’ll sometimes be giving notices on Tumblr (“capn-charlie”), so you can scope out my blog, if you’d like. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for giving this chapter a chance (and this story, entirely), and I hope to see you back for next update ━ and the one after that, and after that, and after that━


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowwie, thanks for the "welcome back" reviews!
> 
> And another thank you for the first chapter's reception. I won't lie, I'm always nervous posting new stories (and even new chapters) because I'm afraid of seeing light in my writing more than outsiders ━ I assume that's natural, though. Nonetheless, I'm beyond grateful that you're so excited to come on this new journey with me ━ and, trust me, it'll be just that: a journey.
> 
> One thing I have to say before we get started, however, and this is a general message not meant to diminish any of the thank you’s I just wrote: For anyone who messages me/comments anything hateful just for ha-ha’s (not including constructive criticism which makes me a better writer), I’m deleting whatever you send and laughing at your desire to tear people down because you have nothing better to do. You know who you are, and, if you don’t like my story, thanks for giving it a try but I’d rather you move on to find something you won’t feel the need to negatively comment on due to your own presumptions of the author. I don’t have room for hate in my life, nor do I have the patience to deal with people who tell me I should quit writing solely because they don’t agree with me.
> 
> For everyone else who has been overwhelmingly welcoming to me in this community since the very start of my first story, just know I appreciate you more than you realize and I'll never write anything with ill intentions ━ but I know that, at the end of the day, we're all still learning ourselves and each other.
> 
> Now, back to the story. Enjoy this second chapter (and following, explanatory author's note).

The elevator dings as its sliding doors open, Emily taking a deep breath and stepping out of the metal box once her floor comes into view. She grasps onto her over-the-shoulder bag to keep it secure, her exhausted body being all but dragged across the wiry carpet beneath her feet while the sounds of phones chiming and keyboard-hitting bothers her eardrums, giving her a sense of “home” ━ although it’s really not all that comforting.

She makes her way to her cubicle, being not far from the elevator but still seeming like a long walk when her body doesn’t want to do much of anything today ━ a constant reminder that she was graced with barely any sleep last night as a result of the unforgettable, blue eyes that are ingrained into her memory. 

Emily huffs at the thought, tossing her bag onto the left side of her desk and rubbing her eye while standing hunched over, figuring out what to do first. Technically, she still has a generous chunk of time until she  _ needs  _ to start working, but it’s always nice to get a jump-start on today’s assignments because, as per her contract, her ability to leave is flexible ━ though it definitely depends on her productivity, which she highly doubts she’ll have much of today because, God, all she wants to do is daydream about her next trip to the bar in hopes of seeing Alison again. She stares at the grey desk beneath her nose while thinking of last night’s visit, her eyes feeling dry due to the lack of sleep following those events. She even bothered Toby at one point, hoping to drain herself to the point of simply knocking out.

**_E_ ** _ ━ “Are you awake?” _

**_T_ ** _ ━ “No.” _

**_E_ ** _ ━ “Training center?” _

**_T_ ** _ ━ “Now?!”  _

**_E_ ** _ ━ “I can’t sleep.” _

**_T_ ** _ ━ “I can.” _

Yeah, that was a failed attempt. The conversation didn’t last long, either; Toby fell asleep after a while of texting, although it wasn’t before he reassured her that she’d get some rest eventually and that it was likely just her body wanting to be active. She knew that wasn’t the reason but sent him a quick  _ “Mhm” _ anyway, not wanting to bother him any more because she began to feel silly for messaging him in the first place, and boxing probably wouldn’t have helped her exhaustion worth a damn, in the long run. 

It takes a cluster of minutes to retune herself, straightening her back and somewhat stretching before noticing that something’s off. Turning to the left and looking straight ahead, the floor director’s office is completely shaded through the high, glass panes ━ being eerie because, ever since she’s worked here, the room would always be lit-up like it’s asking for a plane to land in the area; Mr. Riley has always been a weird guy, she muses.

“Where have you been?” Hanna’s heightened voice coming from three feet away scares the crap out of her, whipping around to see the blonde standing next to Aria, both girls already prepared for the day ahead.

“I just got here,” Emily defends, unzipping her bag and taking out a water bottle to place nearby.

“I think what she means is━” Aria tries, though the girl standing next to her cuts her off with an impatient attitude.

“I meant last night.”

The brunette thinks back to the previous night, Alison’s smile and constant teasing tugging at her imagination as her eyes bore into the grey desk beneath her fingertips. She next remembers seeing Hanna’s missed calls and text notifications, also being reminded of how she ignored those alerts because she was way too wrapped up in another blonde. Emily rolls her eyes, wanting to slap herself across the face because this is  _ exactly  _ why she wasn’t able to get any sleep last night. 

And why is the feeling so heavy, anyway? She barely knows Alison, and it’s not like meeting new girls always stuns her this much ━ or at all. What’s━

“Earth to Emily,” Hanna claps near her ear, Emily shooting her a death glare as a result of the sharp noise.

When both of her friends raise their eyebrows, she waits a short period of time as her demeanor crumbles, sighing, “I was busy.”

“With who?” the question is snappy and protective, Emily fully rolling her eyes this time.

“God,” Hanna breathes out at the reaction, her eyes going wide, “ _ please _ don’t tell me you’re sleeping with Samara again.”

“No, I’m  _ not  _ sleeping with Samara again,” the brunette bites, her mentioned ex immediately striking a cord as Aria gives her a sympathetic, tiny smile and Hanna looks regretful for merely hinting at the idea as she ends up muttering, “Sorry.”

At the various reactions to her outburst, Emily chews her inner cheek, tasting a bitter sting in her mouth while remembering the times that she and Hanna had fought because she attempted to defend the other blonde girl. In simple terms, Samara is one of the biggest stains on her list of lovers, having left Emily high-and-dry a number of times when she needed support in the form of an intangible connection rather than a bed-buddy, ultimately causing her downhill spiral into an uncaring pit of random flings and otherwise nothingness. 

_ “Don’t act like I’m drunk-stumbling into my apartment every night, Hanna,” Emily’s head pounds but she fights back against the blonde who has her hands on her hips, an incredulous, jaw-dropped expression cascaded upon her face since she recently walked into the girl’s apartment to find bottles scattered everywhere ━ an obvious result of Samara’s spur-the-moment visit. _

_ “I’m not talking about the alcohol, Emily,” her tone is half-mocking when she uses the girl’s name, raising her voice. “That’s not your problem. Samara is the problem,” Hanna’s eyes make her look like she’s pleading with her best friend to understand, losing all ability to ignore the issue just to make Emily happy. _

_ Emily appears as if she wasn’t expecting the outburst, visibly shrinking back like a scared kid who’s being scolded. _

_ Hanna continues with a gentler yet still-firm attitude, “You’re addicted to her,” her head shakes in a manner resembling that of disappointment. “Every time you need an escape, she’s who you go to, even if it’s not initially for sex. You let her use you each time and it’s so fucking hard to watch,” Emily hears her friend’s voice crack, tears welling up in her eyes as the brunette’s throat tightens. _

The words from that argument only sunk in a bit, Emily pushing herself to begin shoving Samara away but failing a time or two more. Emily’s most recent encounter with Samara happened right before finally “cutting the strings” once and for all, Hanna and Aria spending the following, row of nights with her while being determined to give their friend the moral support necessary because, although they all knew the bitchy blonde was rancid, they noticed that the brunette looked at her toxic relationship as, well, just that: an actual relationship, no matter how faulty. It was a massive turning point in Emily’s life and her friends realized that once it became the  _ “Samara cleanse”  _ (term coined by Hanna), the brunette’s attitude drastically changing when all was said and done.

On the day ending with marking the brunette’s newfound, reluctant freedom, Hanna had walked into Emily’s house to find her a good percentage past drunk as a result of her blonde ex-girlfriend bringing a bottle to her place and fucking for only an hour or so, simply to walk out and leave the girl in a broken state once they argued heavily.

_ “Emily, you can’t let her keep doing this to you,” Hanna’s voice is raspy, a sense of helplessness coming over her as the brunette pukes her guts into the toilet. “She’s bad news and you know it.” _

_ “I know,” Emily chokes out once she shakily flushes and leans against the side of the white bathtub, Hanna knelt down two feet away. _

_ “Do you?” she tries. “Honestly, it still doesn’t look like you do.” _

_ Emily doesn’t get a chance to respond, both girls lifting their heads when they hear the apartment door latch and Aria shuffles in with a quiet, apologetic “Sorry I took so long. I wasn’t sure what makes you feel better, so I just bought a bunch of stuff.” _

_ She sets a plastic bag down onto the vanity, getting a timid “Thanks” from Emily who feels tired, intoxicated, and broken. _

_ “Em…” Aria starts, though she doesn’t get far because, as she goes to open her mouth, Emily winces with a huge headache forming, getting out a rushed “I know, I know. I can’t let her do this to me anymore. I’m done with her.” _

“Em,” in real-time, Aria’s voice breaks Emily out of her thoughts, immediately shaking her head and clearing her throat.

“Yeah, sorry,” she looks between the two who both narrow their eyes in suspicion ━ or perhaps worry. “Was that it? You only wanted to lecture me at…” lifting her phone and waking the screen, she checks the time, “seven-forty in the morning?” 

She doesn’t mean to sound so harsh, making sure to leave the remnants of a joking grin on her face.

“No, that’s  _ not  _ it,” Hanna mocks before flattening her tone, “but you still haven’t told us who you were busy with.”

“No one,” Emily shrugs. “I was just busy.”

The blonde faces the awkwardly standing girl, Emily’s eyes darting around the room as Hanna reads her demeanor with intent. Seconds pass with two pairs of noting gazes all but burning a hole through her skin, and Hanna finally relaxes, appearing surprised yet concerned while Aria holds a milder version of the reaction.

“Oh my God, you’re serious,” she says as if it’s the weirdest thing in the world, Emily wanting to roll her eyes again because she can’t tell if they’re joking or serious.

“Is it so hard to believe that━”

“Did something happen?” Aria voices her worry with a tilted head, cutting their friend off.

“What? No,” Emily feels like she’s been put on display, “I just… I don’t know.”

Her response makes all three of them feel odd, Hanna and Aria sharing a look while Emily wants to give herself a thorough look-over, as well; it’s just too strange that she’s not feeling up to getting to know someone new  ━ or even someone old. She knows the reason, yes, and it makes her want to sigh because it’s not like she’s able to call the blonde that she had met last night, but the strong sensation of wanting Alison has settled into her stomach and she’s too tired to force it to leave. Hopefully, within a day or so, it’ll diminish and she can go back to her daily life ━ or does she even  _ want  _ that? Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, she muses while her eyes drift off to the side, her friends still staring at her like she’s a rare insect.

Emily, snapping back into the conversation, makes a face before asking, “Why were you spamming my phone with texts and calls, anyway?”

“Oh, so you  _ did  _ see that I was texting and calling you,” the accusation is pointed. “You couldn’t have been  _ that  _ busy, then.” 

“Aria,  _ please  _ tell me what I’m missing here,” Emily turns to the shorter girl, getting a laugh and an obnoxious face from Hanna.

“Did you notice Mr. Riley’s office?” Aria nods toward the glass room.

“Did you notice how it’s like…  _ dead  _ in there?” Hanna adds on, smiling weirdly.

“Oh my God,” Emily looks between the pair. “He didn’t die, did he?”

“Huh? No,” the blonde shakes her head, “ _ but _ …” she draws out the word, “yesterday, right before we left, the company’s head came in with a few more guys and quietly brought him out of the building. He never came back after that.”

“So?”

“ _ So _ ,” Hanna goes wide-eyed, “I looked at Aria who looked at me before we asked Garrett who asked Ben who asked━”

“Mr. Riley was fired,” Aria interrupts Hanna’s breathless rant, the blonde’s mouth only falling open because she wasn’t finished. “Well, he was arrested, but… fired, nonetheless.” 

“Wait, why?”

“Something about a secret, drug-trade thing. Hell if I know,” her friends both shrug, Hanna’s next words perking up. “I was going to offer to take his position because we all know I’d run this business  _ beautifully _ , but━”

“We got the inside scoop and found out they had actually already hired someone before taking him away yesterday,” Aria gets sick of Hanna’s diversions, cutting in once more. “I guess they’d been trying to gather evidence against him and waited until yesterday to hire someone new so it’d look seamless.”

“They should’ve made a scene,” Hanna thinks aloud, staring off through the floor’s windows. “He was always so creepy. I think he deserved to go out with…  _ pizzazz _ .”

Emily and Aria stare at Hanna, narrowing their eyes at the girl who appears lost in her own, little world. She clears her throat and the blonde finally snaps back into reality, facing the two with a confused look when she realizes that she’s being judged.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Aria shrugs and Emily crosses her arms.

“So, do we just… go about our jobs like nothing happened?” Emily asks, forehead creased.

“I guess. I don’t see why we wouldn’t,” the shorter brunette makes an equally as lost face.

“Have you met our new boss yet?” she reaches down and grabs her water bottle, taking a sip while paying attention to Hanna who speaks next.

“No, she hasn’t been through yet,” a deep breath is taken, Emily raising her eyebrows.

“ _ She _ ?”

“Yeah, and I heard she’s only twenty-five. Like… what the hell?”

“What’s the problem with that?”

“ _ We’re _ twenty-five! She’s our age and she’s going to be our boss!”

“Han, we work with fifty-year-olds and she’s also going to be the boss of  _ them _ . I think our situation is a little more ‘fair,’” Aria snickers. “I’m excited to meet her.”

“All I’m saying is that it’s going to be weird,” Hanna offers. “What if our personalities clash?”

Emily goes to open her mouth, though the blonde continues after an abrupt gasp.

“What if I bullied her when we were kids?”

“Did you bully a lot of people when you were a kid?” Aria squints in question, Emily quirking an eyebrow as they continue to stand around.

“Well, no, but… maybe, I don’t know,” she ducks her head partially.

Her friends laugh at the nerves, all three hearing the sound of an elevator ding as Emily glances at her phone’s screen to see no new notifications and the time nearing the official start of their shifts. She puts the device back onto her desk, Aria lightly saying, “Oh, that must be her,” and Hanna muttering, “I knew she’d be blonde.”

At the words, Emily turns around in what feels like slow motion, her heart instantly dropping ━ or exploding ━ when she sees Alison fully paying attention to the company’s outgoing vice president ━ Mr. Russo ━ who shows her around. She laughs at something he says while nearing the dark, glass room, holding a folder full of papers in one arm as her body is clad in a formal yet gorgeous, classy business outfit, Emily’s mouth threatening to drop open but, due to the circumstances, she only stands there mindlessly. Within seconds, the brunette’s body language stiffens, feeling like a deer caught in headlights when the two pause at the entrance of her apparent, new office, turning to the floor’s entirety as Mr. Russo makes a vague gesture to everyone with a generous grin on his face. Alison, still paying attention to what he’s showing her, mutters something from where Emily can see, though the blonde’s eyes scan the room until they’re locking with familiar brown.

Emily expects the girl to act equally as stunned, but Alison doesn’t react whatsoever, and instead continues to take everything in before following Mr. Russo into the glass office, its lights being flickered on and illuminating a great deal of the larger portion of the room ━ especially Emily’s cubicle. In response to the non-acknowledgment, Emily frowns and gets a weird sensation in her stomach, mocking that of sourness and feeling like she’s about to be sick. She crosses her arms tightly and shakes her head, turning around to face her friends who have been quietly discussing the new addition to their floor’s team behind her through enthusiasm and impressed nods. 

“Are you okay?” Aria asks when she sees Emily’s abnormal posture, getting ready to head over to her cubicle to start on her writing.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t sleep much,” the excuse is given with an uncaring attitude, all but stumbling to her chair and sitting down so her eyes can bore into whatever work she has to do for the remaining hours of the day.

She wants to groan at the thought; her day has barely started and she’s already been hit with a massive roadblock ━ one which isn’t going to disappear for a while, if ever. Part of her wonders if she had finally fallen asleep at one point, only to make this a dream ━ or nightmare ━ but, truly, she knows that it’s just her luck to have her new  _ boss  _ drilled into her mind in the least-bit-professional way. The blonde’s smile, and laugh, and personality, and the scent of her perfume. The softness of her lips when she kissed the corner of Emily’s mouth, more than anything. The way she left Emily on the sidewalk like it’s some fairytale, keeping the brunette from following with mysterious yet enticing words. Even once the taxi turned a corner, Emily stood on the pavement like some idiot, a stumbling bar-goer bumping her shoulder to finally break her out of her zoned-out state, only to eventually walk back into the establishment and be taunted by Billy and Atlas who both noticed her love-drunken attitude.

How’s she possibly supposed to forget any of that? Does Alison expect her to? Does  _ Alison  _ remember what happened last night? Has she been thinking about it equally as much, or was the moment shoved into the back of her mind? Judging by the way the blonde simply ignored her like some random moron just now… it seems as though the prior night didn’t mean much ━ or maybe it did, but now it can’t. 

_ Can  _ it mean much, now that they’re coworkers? Emily narrows her eyes as she scratches the side of her jaw, knowing that it’s not necessarily the most welcomed idea, but also wondering what  _ their  _ company’s rules are since it’s different for each brand. No, she shakes her head; she shouldn’t be thinking about this or merely drumming up a plan to make a move on Alison ━  _ again _ , her  _ boss  _ ━ when she isn’t even sure what the blonde is thinking. After all, she said that this is her dream-job and stressed the concept repeatedly with the cutest, content eyes. Why would Emily want to ruin that or even entertain the thought of fucking that up for her, simply based on an hour-or-so-long conversation within the walls of a sports bar? It’s not like it was the smoothest first encounter considering Emily had to pry Alison’s name out of her, only to be verbally exposed when the blonde pointed out why she was there, in the first place ━ not to say that, after they met, the brunette was still pushing to end up in bed with the girl; she solely wanted to get to know Alison on a deeper level, something that she rarely ━ if  _ ever  _ ━ desires. 

God, why are these thoughts attacking her now, of all days? Since  _ when  _ does Emily even daydream about the thought of  _ dating _ ? Dating  _ Alison _ , specifically? How is that fair? 

Emily puts her face in her hands and quietly groans, not picking up on the fact that Mr. Russo and Alison are standing at the entrance of her workspace.

“As you can tell, she’s a very hard worker,” Mr. Russo’s voice startles Emily, the brunette straightening her back and looking at him with a tight-lipped smile that only falters a fraction once her eyes dart to Alison, though she regains a welcoming appearance within milliseconds.

“Rough night, Ms. Fields?” he asks, her smile only growing more fake as she shakes her head.

“No, I had a great night. Just… not enough sleep, I suppose,” she answers in hopes that she’ll get a reaction out of the girl next to her company’s vice president, though Alison seems unmoved.

Emily takes a deep breath and focuses on Mr. Russo, “I’m sorry, did you need to see me for something?”

“I was just telling Ms. DiLaurentis here about your strides in the company and I figured I’d introduce her to our best accountant,” he smiles warmly, getting a grateful-yet-awkward expression from Emily.

Alison pays attention to the brunette while she isn’t looking back, studying the girl and wanting to break her facade because, really, what the hell? Why can’t she have two forms of happiness at once? Why couldn’t she have been hired for her dream-job _ somewhere else _ with Emily as a growing relationship in her life, friendship or otherwise? It’s not fair, Alison internally decides, having to reapply her synthetic grin when Mr. Russo looks at her with an expectant appearance.

She extends her hand for Emily to take, the gesture initially being studied before accepted with a hesitant, half-assed grip that looks just as awkward as it feels.

“Nice to meet you, Ms. Fields,” Alison can tell that Emily is melting inside, and not in a good way, so she makes the greeting short with less seduction than the previous night ━  _ obviously _ . 

“You too…” she mutters, feeling weirded-out but adding a quiet, “Ms. DiLaurentis.”

With a final, abrupt smile, Mr. Russo guides Alison away from Emily’s workspace, the blonde being watched by brown eyes the entire time as she walks back into her glass, larger office. Emily zones out completely, her body wanting to break down as it feels like it’s shaking in the meantime, not having the strength to force herself into paying attention to her work.

“Is it just me, or is she hot?” Hanna’s voice, again, scares Emily when it comes out of nowhere, Aria hearing from where she sits.

“That’s your new boss, Hanna. Keep your voice down,” Aria scolds, sounding giggly.

Meanwhile, Emily clenches her jaw while paying attention to nothing in particular, pretending that she’s too busy to join in on their banter.

“All I’m saying is that, if it wasn’t so ‘ _ forbidden _ ’…” she air-quotes as her implication trails off, raising her eyebrows as she types away on her computer.

“She  _ is _ an upgrade from Mr. Riley, I’ll admit,” Aria does the same in the confines of her space.

Emily sinks further into her swirling chair, not wanting to do anything for the rest of the day because her thoughts are beyond cloudy and it doesn’t get any better when she can peek through the crack of her cubicle’s wall to see into Alison’s office, watching the blonde constantly nod at whatever their vice president is explaining. She looks in-place, Emily internally admits with narrowed eyes, quietly and reluctantly admiring her new boss. Taking a deep, much-needed breath, she tears her eyes away in a desperate attempt to find something more distracting to help her get through the day with minimal curiosity. 

 

X X X

 

“What made you want to stay in and get take-out instead of going to the bar tonight?” Toby pokes around within his box of Chinese food, periodically side-eyeing Emily whose body is turned facing him, legs propped up on her living room couch.

“Tired,” is her only answer, barely eating her own food while staring at the flavored pieces of chicken.

He lets some time pass, allowing the reason to linger in the air for a bit longer because, before it was said, the girl originally hesitated with a reserved body language. Come to think of it, she’s been that way for most of this visit, huddled into the corner of the couch while occasionally hugging her knees near her chest as the TV quietly plays the night’s baseball game. Toby can tell her mind is racing for whatever reason, especially because she opted out of their boxing session today, and that ━  _ alone _ ━ is concerning; the way she’s fallen silent is only adding to his worry, his eyes narrowing while placing his food on the coffee table in front of them.

Getting back into his previous position, this time paying far more attention to Emily and less to his food, Toby waits, the brunette’s eyes briefly flickering upward to silently question him before darting away when she can tell he’s about to ask her something that may or may not be easy to answer.

“What’s up?” the short question is bland, but Emily knows what he’s truly asking.

She doesn’t jump to answer, but he watches her carefully place her food next to his on the coffee table, afterwards sitting on the couch cross-legged with her hands in her lap in a silent signal that she wants to explain what she’s feeling but doesn’t know where to start. Emily folds her arms over her stomach and looks away, her mouth opening and closing a few times before eventually muttering, “I was just thinking… maybe it’s time I stop with the flings.”

Toby’s forehead creases in confusion, listening to her explanation, “Maybe I should find someone solid. Someone who can occupy me  _ and  _ deal with me. Not just one or the other.”

She continuously stares at the space between them, constantly feeling like her heart is beating slower than it should because, for the longest time, she’s believed that  _ she’s  _ the problem in all of her relationships ━ no matter if she’s talking about high school, college, or so forth. Every time Emily lets someone in, they leave her worse than when they found each other and, now, it’s taken such a big toll that she simply ignores the sensation of being drawn to someone new ━ until last night. It’s a scary thought, knowing how deeply she feels about a girl she barely knows, and it’s even more terrifying because now she’ll never be able to know if what she senses between them is real. 

It’s only been a day and Emily already feels like tearing her hair out, though she hardly saw Alison throughout the day at work unless she found herself peeping through the small crack in her workplace’s divider; quite frankly, she’s stuck between  _ wanting  _ to see the girl and trying her hardest to stay away for her own benefit. Perhaps it’s solely the knowledge that the blonde is merely feet away from where she’s working for however-many hours each weekday, but it’s about to drive her insane because she’s way too drawn to this girl and her cryptic nature ━ not to mention the new, mysterious flavor that she left in Emily’s mouth with simple words and that gentle, end-of-the-night gesture.

“Have you already found someone like that?” Toby asks when the brunette appears evidently lost in a memory, breaking Emily out of her thoughts and, at the question, her lips part. “This doesn’t sound like something you’d randomly say.”

She bites her inner cheek, “Kind of, but… it’s not…” her voice repeatedly trails off, taking a deep inhale. “It’s not gonna work out. This isn’t about her, really. It’s just me… trying to better myself.”

“Are you sure?” he pries.

“I just realize that I need someone,” Emily exhales emphatically. “ _ One _ someone. One person I can give myself to.”

He falls silent, relaxing his shoulders and leaning back against the couch as she stares off to the side at nothing in particular, finishing with a quiet “Someone who wants me to make them feel something, too.”

“T.M.I.”

“Not like that.”

Toby purses his lips and hums, a faded smirk tugging at one corner of his mouth, “So, who is this girl?”

After a second or so of hesitation, Emily claims, “It doesn’t matter. I told you it won’t work out.”

“Why not?” he shifts his position, trying to provide insight on a vague subject. “Em, if she sees you’re dedicated, I don’t think she’ll care about your history. You won’t ruin it. I actually think she’d feel flattered that you’re willing to change your back-and-forth lifestyle for her.”

A curt laugh exits Emily’s throat, wishing she could tell Toby what’s going on but not wanting to discuss it since there’s not exactly a point in doing so and it’s not simple whatsoever. 

“That’s not why it won’t work, trust me.”

“Then what’s the reason?”

“Forget it,” Emily shakes her head, playing with her nails.

“No, be honest with me,” he refuses to stray away from the subject. “Nothing you say here will leave this room and you know that.”

Emily feels apprehensive about the situation in general, simply waiting for someone to bash through the door and get Alison in trouble for something she’s barely contributed to, everything making the brunette’s head pound while she partially winces. She gives up on trying to push Toby away, however, taking a deep breath and keeping away from giving many details but opening up a bit more.

“It just can’t work out,” is her initial explanation. “Not because I don’t want it to, but because it  _ can’t _ . Just leave it at that.”

He nods, squinting one eye, “Okay, so… do you want her because you genuinely feel something for her, or because you can’t have her?” 

She shifts her jaw, biting her lower lip.

Toby expands on his underlying accusation with surrendering hands and a teasing “Because you sometimes find that type of situation entertaining.”

“That was once,” Emily halfheartedly rolls her eyes. “I think I really feel something for her. Like… honestly, it’s pissing me off because I feel  _ so  _ damn different around her.”

They share a laugh, the brunette’s being a little more frantic than amused, “I haven’t felt this way since my early college years when I first started dating Paige.”

He raises his eyebrows, Emily swallowing hard, “It’s all so…”

“New?”

“Scary,” the correction is blunt, her eyebrows raising.

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” the phrase comes from Toby with a dopey tone, Emily shaking her head forcefully.

“No, there’s no way.”

“But there’s a will.”

“I don’t know if there’s a will, honestly,” Emily huffs. “I just want to stop feeling like I’m not getting anywhere with anyone, and I… wish I could get somewhere with her. Or at least get some closure, I guess.”

“Then get some closure when it comes to her. You have to do  _ something _ , Emily. I can tell this is bothering you and you can’t let it eat you up without  _ trying  _ to do something.”

Internally, she admires his encouragement, wanting to thank him but settling on a silent, half-smile that he matches with an understanding hum followed by a prodding “You know I’m right.”

“And  _ you  _ know that  _ I’m  _ right when I say you should find someone, too.”

“I told you that I like being alone,” Toby laughs when she attempts to deflect.

“I don’t really give a shit what you told me because you are a liar,” she mimics his laughing tone, leaning forward with a pointed, tight-lipped smile.

“What do you expect me to do? Not all of us have your soft, dark hair and dreamy eyes,” he mocks, laughing even harder when she hits him with a pillow.

“This is serious.”

“It’s really not, though.”

“Someday soon…” Emily narrows her eyes, a challenging grin crossing her mouth, “I’m dragging you to the bar. It’s been a while.”

“You want me to  _ prowl  _ with you?” Toby leans forward, mirroring her crossed-arm, squinted-eye attitude. 

“I told you I’m not doing that anymore,” she raises her chin.

“Because this mystery girl changed you.”

Her playful nature collapses, but a shy smile remains on her face as her eyes dart away from Toby. She tries to hide it and fails, Toby snickering at her reaction before she’s able to speak again.

“How about Saturday?”

“Fine, but only because I’m a supportive friend and want to help you evolve into a better person,” the statement earns yet another eye-roll from Emily, though it makes her feel a tad better to know that she won’t be alone on this small journey of “bettering” herself ━ and maybe it’ll be great. 

One thing’s for certain: Emily can’t help but hope that this assists her in getting over Alison, and, to start that “moving on” process, she’s going to have to drum up some courage to force herself into getting some closure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure most of you were like #yikes when you heard Hanna mention that their new "boss" is a woman ━ and I use quotes because her title will be explained further in future chapters. I #yiked too. I'm also sure quite a few of y'all saw it coming. The whole 'fuck, she's my boss━ wait… can I still fuck my boss?' cliché, I mean. What do you think about it?
> 
> I want to address something, first and foremost: This isn't going to be a simple situation where one can be like "Who the fuck cares?" (even though I admittedly scream it at them, as well) and there's a very big reason for it ━ there's always a reason. There's going to be an extremely blurred line when it comes to what they can and cannot do, and why they can/can't do it. It'll take some time for us to hear the full reasoning, but baby steps… and, yes, this is a slow-burn. For now, it seems they're stuck in something beyond messy and also a bit questionable since Emily isn't sure what Alison is even thinking. Does she care? Is she upset? Does it matter to her? I know the obvious answer is "Shit, just ask her," but, before that happens, Emily needs to know what these feelings mean and if they're real. Since she's used to a little concept called "no commitment," it's hard to deal with, but despite the acceptable advice that Toby gave her… (spoiler alert) she's going to find out that closure isn't all it's cracked up to be ━ and perhaps it's actually unwanted.
> 
> One thing's for sure: It seems Alison changed Emily very quickly. Basically, it's like when you're used to the same thing over and over again, then this new thing comes along and entirely throws you off. While it's scary, it's also… alluring, so Emily is going to be going through this cycle of different emotions as an individual person and a person who's already falling for Alison while asking herself why she's falling for her.
> 
> And what about Emily's past? The second reasoning for her less-than-appropriate lifestyle is Samara ━ A.K.A. the one ex-girlfriend that monumentally chipped her past. In simple terms, she emotionally wrecked Emily with the seduction of alcohol and sex. I want to be clear: Emily doesn't have an alcohol problem when she's on her own and/or with friends, but Samara makes a convincing argument when she brings over a bottle of it with horrible intentions. Mix in Emily's desire to find someone who can deal with her (as she said to Toby) and that's volatile; in the past, she's repeatedly gone to Samara with the hope of confiding in someone who isn't a friendly face, only to have herself dragged down even further.
> 
> Speaking of Emily's need to find someone committed… the line, "Maybe I should find someone solid. Someone who can occupy me and deal with me. Not just one or the other," is very important to remember; Emily doesn't feel good enough for people in both lights, so she normally chooses between one or the other. I think that's a common struggle in real life, so it may be a little comforting to watch her defeat the demon in her mind who keeps saying she isn't worth the struggle. It's also important that she said this to Toby because it proves how much she trusts him, and I'm stoked for you guys to read more of their conversations because they can get really emotional. What'd you think about their first "scene" together?
> 
> Again, thanks for stopping by and reading this chapter with me, and I'll be back soon. Next time, we'll dive into Alison's thoughts and see what's going on inside her head. Fair warning: There will be tension ━ but it'll be worth it eventually.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning/afternoon/evening/night/whenever!
> 
> I wanted to (somewhat quickly) get this chapter to you in hopes that it brings you joy, mostly because I'll be panicking about school throughout the rest of this week (and until the end of this semester) but ANYWAY━
> 
> I don't have a ton to say right now with the exception of one thing: Just start planning on seeing massive author's notes following each chapter because I'm not going to bother limiting myself anymore. Seriously… I wrote over 700 words for the upcoming note because my thoughts are way too entertained and expansive. Bear with me.
> 
> So, enjoy this update and I'll see you at the bottom!

Three days.

It’s been three whole, freakin’ days since Alison started working at Imagi-Vision Ink and Emily’s productivity has probably decreased a considerable amount, primarily because her thought process comes to a dramatic halt every single time the blonde’s voice floats into the floor’s main space ━ not to mention that, in each instance she walks by, the remnants of her perfume linger ━ and her presence, all in itself, is a good reason to not work worth a damn.

Hanna and Aria have both commented on her “laziness,” though they voiced a vast amount of concerns once they realized that it’s not Emily solely goofing off.

_“I know I keep asking, but are you okay?” Aria whispers once she’s alone with Emily, Hanna having escaped to the bathroom minutes prior. “You just seem… off.”_

_“I feel off,” she gives the girl honesty, shrugging one shoulder. “I…” her eyes flicker to look upward, seeing Alison glance at her for a split second and, on sight, she wants to spill her guts to Aria about what happened but knows she can’t, so, instead, the rest of her sentence is hard to decipher, “I don’t know why. Maybe I’m catching something.”_

_“In the middle of the summer?”_

_“It’s possible,” her defense cracks, Aria giggling at the sound._

Her desire to tell her friends ━ including Toby ━ has strengthened within the past few days, her lips almost releasing the information a time or two when she caught their coworker ━ Ben ━ craning his neck a bit too far to check Alison out once she walked by. She narrowed her eyes at the blatant, fuck-ish nature, wanting to tell him off when a bitterness drove down her throat and into her stomach, but somehow managed to keep her anger at bay by biting her tongue hard.

The feeling of wanting someone who’s unattainable has been messing with Emily’s head more and more, specifically in her quest to stay out of bed with exes and random girls that she meets at bars ━ not that she’s been out much since that night with Alison. Just last night, the brunette’s stress level reached far too high due to Alison’s out-of-her-way _“Have a nice night”_ before leaving work, immediately heading home while skipping yet another day of boxing with Toby which, unfortunately, has become a frequent symptom of this dreaded, “smitten” business.

So, when she arrived home last night, she found herself pacing the floor for an extended amount of time without having a solid dinner, alternating between biting her thumbnail and scratching her arms. She wanted to find Alison’s phone number and call her, in all honesty, but, for starters, that’d be fucking weird because the blonde specifically strayed away from exchanging numbers, and also ━ _again_ ━ they’re now coworkers. The thought made her groan loudly, throwing herself onto the couch within the next minute and pulling her phone out before letting her thumb hover over Sabrina’s number, knowing the girl’s been her most-recent “go-to,” and hoping that she’d at least hold a conversation. Actually, Emily mainly wanted a companion last night; she wanted to fully confide in someone who didn’t have a big input when it comes to what she does, but she knew that, if she invited Sabrina over, things may have gotten carried away even though the girl’s much softer than anyone she’s fucked with prior.

But, back to the main point of Emily’s irritation: Why does Alison feel the need to give her cheery greetings every damn time she walks by? Scratch that; she doesn’t do it _every_ time, but only whenever she sees that Hanna, Aria, and Emily are hanging around together during breaks and/or when they’re heading home for the day. Of course, Hanna and Aria sometimes attempt to elongate the conversation in hopes that they’ll build a stronger bond with the person who’s now in charge of their floor, whereas Emily lingers awkwardly and, occasionally, tries to escape with a half-assed excuse.

_“Good morning,” Alison chimes as she offers the three a glowing smile, Emily wanting to match the expression because it’s so damn cute but can’t bring herself to give the girl any reaction; the brunette’s welcoming grin lasts a mere second before dropping, her eyes looking away._

_“Morning,” Aria gives her a genuine greeting while Hanna beams, “Nice to see you, Ms. DiLaurentis.”_

_“You see her every day,” the shorter girl looks at her friend, making a face._

_“You can call me Alison, you know,” the other blonde laughs, stopping to talk to the group of friends while Emily constantly tries to avoid adding to the conversation._

_“Really?” Hanna quirks an eyebrow. “Isn’t that like… against the law?”_

_“The law?” Aria turns to her and Alison chuckles._

_“It’s fine, I promise. I’d much rather you call me that.”_

_“Fine with me,” two of the three breathe out while Alison’s eyes drift to Emily who’s been silent since she walked up to them, her constant shade of guilt strengthening with each day because the girl’s hardly tried to look at her and she knows it’s mostly her fault._

_“Well, work hard,” Alison flashes them a final smile, letting her eyes linger on Emily a bit longer while the brunette is looking away with crossed arms and a clueless attitude, hoping she didn’t come off as rude ━ while simultaneously wishing she did, just a little._

_As their boss saunters off, Hanna and Aria round Emily so she’s staring at them instead of off into space, her features appearing alert once they’re blocking her view._

_“Is there any reason why you’ve barely said three words to her in… how many days?”_

_Emily purses her lips and emphatically shrugs, “I haven’t noticed. What am I supposed to say to her?”_

_“For starters, ‘good morning,’” Hanna furrows her eyebrows. “She obviously wants to get to know you, so why don’t you let her?”_

_The words catch the brunette off-guard, “Wait, what?”_

_“You’ve been silent for days! She clearly wants to get to know her coworkers but you’re the only one being reluctant.”_

_“Because I’m not being a peach whenever she greets me?” Emily uses a mocking tone. “Sorry, I didn’t know that was a requirement.”_

_“Jeez, have you gotten any sleep lately?”_

_Her shoulders slump, arms relaxing at her sides as her body nearly deflates from stress-overload, “No, I haven’t. I’m sorry.”_

_Hanna and Aria share a worried look, afterwards━_

“Emily,” Aria is leaning over the barrier of the brunette’s office space, resting her chin on her hands.

“Hm?” she looks up, giving Aria her attention.

“Ms. DiLaurentis━” a bit of hesitation and head-tilt pause her sentence before the correction follows. “ _Alison_ would like to see you in her office.”

The words make Emily’s mouth open, quickly nodding so Aria doesn’t question why she looks like she’s about to pass out. The girl gives her a tight-lipped smile and shuffles back to her own workspace, leaving Emily to frantically search her desk for nothing in particular, wondering if there’s something she can use for a quick reason to escape. Although it feels like centuries, only seconds pass before she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and pushes herself out of her rolling chair, almost tripping over the piece of furniture before turning back to glare at it.

Her eyes drift to the glass wall of Alison’s office, the girl’s chair currently being out of sight. Taking another, hard breath, Emily pushes forward and feels like she’s on autopilot, somehow making it into the blonde’s office without falling over her own, two feet ━ not that she remembers the walk over to where she is now. Looking up, she sees that Alison currently isn't paying attention to her, so a wave of hesitation hits before quietly shuffling closer.

Crossing over the threshold of the girl’s office, she looks to the right and studies the windows, being the same as the floor’s mainspace but far more luxurious-looking, faced by two couches and a coffee table. Pressed against the back wall, to the right of Alison’s large desk, is a small bar with water in a pitcher, sided by a tall bookcase filled with files and random objects to keep things from falling over. Most things are sleek and lightly colored, mostly made up of whites and greys with little to no patterns seen anywhere. In fact, Emily begins to wonder how Mr. Riley dealt with the aesthetic since it's more chic than boring. Her eyes continue to scour the area, catching sight of one, small picture of the blonde with two girls on her sides. She wants to smile because of Alison's blatant happiness, though she moves on to taking in the girl’s work area. The desk, itself, is decorative, running up the wall as if it’s more of an art piece than a place to write, and Alison studies Emily who hasn’t said a word since she walked in, standing behind the two, comfy arm chairs that face her.

“You haven’t been in here before, have you?” she narrows her eyes, the brunette snapping back into the situation at-hand and already wanting to escape as she glances over her shoulder to see that the doors are wide open.

In all honesty, she wonders if she should have closed them on the way in, knowing that, sure, this is a business conversation but also━

“It's pretty, isn't it?” Alison asks as she exhales, judging the room just as much. “Reminds me of my apartment, kind of. All sparkly and shiny.”

Emily picks up on a tinge of disdain in her low voice, not knowing if she imagined it or what ━ not that she really cares because all she wants to do is run back to her workspace and pretend she's _not_ still thinking about what happened on━

“This would be a lot easier if you spoke to me,” Alison tries again, sounding like she’s losing patience but internally only wishing that Emily would feel okay again since she visibly appears shaken.

Emily’s mind screams that it’s not going to get any easier, but she breathes out and gives her a weird-looking smile that Alison tilts her head at, knowing the brunette a lot more than she should.

“Did you, um,” Emily swallows hard, “want to see me for something specific? I just… have a lot of work to do.”

Alison notes her awkward behavior, nodding more so to herself and seeming caught off-guard by the snappy yet calm response.

“Yes, actually.”

She reaches for a stack of papers after a brief time of what looked to be unknowingness, rummaging through them as the standing girl rubs at her own arm as if it’s the only thing keeping her from collapsing, and blue eyes drift upward.

“You can sit, Emily,” the name falls from her lips so casually, stunning herself in the process but not revealing her mild shock. “Or do you prefer to be called Ms. Fields?” she covers her bases, the brunette cautiously getting situated in an arm chair.

“Emily is fine,” her voice is quiet.

“I don’t think Emily _is_ fine,” Alison says, sighing while looking at a few papers.

She frowns, “What do you mean?”

Placing the packet away from the center of her desk, Alison leans back and gives Emily her full attention, staring into brown eyes that, within seconds, dart away, evidently scorned. The blonde does the same and stares through the large windows that look outside, letting silence fill the air for a bit.

“How do you think your performance has been lately?” Alison mutters while staring through the glass.

“My what?” in any other scenario, Emily’s response would get a laugh from Alison, but, currently, she rubs her lips together and leans forward.

“Do you think you’re working as well as you were in the past?”

Emily wants to nod and make it seem like everything’s fine, but she shifts her jaw and bows her head, “Not lately, no. I’ve been distracted, I’m sorry.”

Alison dreads asking the next question, though she feels compelled to.

“Is there any particular reason?” she stares straight ahead at Emily, hoping the girl knows that she’s not trying to be an ass but because she’s concerned.

The brunette swallows hard and feels driven to confess as to what’s really been on her mind, the darker part of her wanting to put her new boss on the spot because she’s been feeling like absolute crap for the past few days, but she eventually clears her throat and says, “Yeah, um… I’ve just been thinking about my dad a lot.”

Alison nods slowly, eyes lowering to her desk while Emily explains, “He’s in the Army and I haven’t heard from him in a while whereas I used to almost every week, so…”

She allows the girl’s words to sink in, appearing attentive and understanding with a soft “Okay” tumbling from her lips once she notices that Emily isn’t about to share any more information with her; though she wants the brunette to trust her, she knows that she can’t force it to happen.

“If you ever need someone to talk to…” the offer trails off, growing quiet as Emily timidly gives her a small grin that doesn’t reach her eyes whatsoever. “I know you have your friends, but sometimes it’s helpful to talk to someone else.”

“Thanks,” the word hardly comes out, sounding raspy and dull because all she wants to say is that she’d be able to talk to Alison with no restrictions if she had only gotten her number the other night, but the strength to be sassy doesn’t show up so, realistically, she’s stuck with a forever-awkward attitude.

The other girl doesn’t know what else to say, only looking at Emily who gets the hint and begins to stand up so she can go back to work. Once she turns toward the door, not even an inch away from where she was sitting, a thought occurs and the idea of “closure” floats around in her mind, biting her inner cheek and wondering if this is the best time to get it; although they’re at work, she gets the feeling that this is the best environment to say her piece since it’s not like she can completely fuck it up when they’re being watched by dozens of witnesses.

Alison studies the girl who hasn’t moved, her eyes narrowing because Emily appears to be heavily debating something, eventually seeing the brunette face her again after her eyes bounce around the room in a form of apprehension.

“Is something wrong?” the blonde frowns, voice kind yet reserved.

“There’s actually another thing that’s distracting me,” the courage that she had seconds ago fades, leaving her mouth to open and close while Alison waits, lips sealed because she knows what the girl is about to say and, quite frankly, she doesn’t know how she’s going to respond once she hears the confession.

“What is it?” the question hardly comes out.

“I… uh,” Emily clears her throat a second time, “wanted to apologize to you.”

“For what?”

The brunette looks to the right, partly glancing over her shoulder before turning back to Alison, “For Monday night.”

She’s vague enough for the workplace, making sure her features show that she’s hinting at the fact that she tried getting somewhere with Alison that night. The blonde, in response to the apology, first has her lips part but, within seconds, takes in a sharp breath and forces herself to look dumbfounded ━ a tactic that’s become a natural reaction.

“What about Monday night?”

“The… I don’t know. The whole night,” Emily explains, her heart sinking. “You and I at the bar…”

Alison squints one eye, pretending she’s thinking as Emily’s frustration heightens while she leans a bit closer, “Me hitting on you…”

Now, the blonde can’t simply dismiss the explanation because it’s hard to try and say she doesn’t remember since they were both sober, her mouth opening when she’s about to dismiss everything with a shy “Don’t worry about it,” but, before she can, Emily straightens her back out as her anger begins to show.

“You know what?” the brunette holds up her hands in a faux-surrendering manner. “Forget it.”

The blonde can see heavy rejection swirling in the girl’s eyes, wanting to plead with her to stay and discuss things as much as they can without making the atmosphere so tense, but Emily backs up with a sharp “Have a nice day, Ms. DiLaurentis” before angrily spinning around and walking past her own desk so she can head to the bathroom or somewhere relative.

Meanwhile, Alison rubs her temple, breathing out with a distraught attitude because, once again, it’s not fair; Monday night has quickly become one of her favorite memories and, seriously, why the hell does the universe want to keep her from being happy in every aspect of her life? She can’t have a love life without work fucking it up, and she can’t have a nice work-life without “love” completely tearing it down. Her eyes slam shut at the thought, shoving the impending memory away and locking it in a box somewhere. It doesn’t work and her flashbacks escape, hitting her one by one as she attempts to breathe easily while sitting behind her desk.

Stamford was supposed to be a new beginning for her; this move was intended to be brilliant and colorful, hoping to create a better life away from her ex-husband and his horrible shenanigans. Committed from a young age, Alison only knew Elliott in a romantic setting, devoting herself to someone who was older and more “experienced” in both the job universe and in general, though those assumptions were smashed into the ground once they were married for a year and, rapidly, his so-called maturity crumbled, fingers being pointed in the blonde’s direction for no reason at all. His accusations cost Alison her former job and their marriage as a whole, the blonde shoving herself to move to the neighboring city where her two best friends ━ Spencer and CeCe ━ live, despite her parents’ kind offer to house her once more.

_“Hey, Ali, do you need a roommate?” CeCe asks with an agape mouth, eyes darting around the other blonde’s new, living space because its ceilings are so high and the walls are made of beautiful, white-washed brick._

_“No way,” Alison shakes her head with purpose. “Even if I did, it wouldn’t be you.”_

_“Okay, first of all… rude,” she quirks an eyebrow. “Why the hell not?”_

_“Because she actually has a decent-enough amount of common sense,” Spencer walks into the apartment, sliding a box of Alison’s things onto the countertop._

_“I don’t remember asking you,” CeCe narrows her eyes._

_“Funny, because I remember answering.”_

_“It’s a good thing I’m the only apartment on this floor,” Alison muses aloud, walking around and hearing an echo._

_“Why? Do you plan on finding a loverboy so soon?” the taller blonde bounces her eyebrows, Spencer glaring at her when the term “loverboy” falls from her lips like it’s trendy. “Or girl,” she adds as an afterthought, squinting one eye._

_“No, because you two constantly bicker like old women.”_

_“But seriously,” CeCe huffs. “Are you going to be okay living here alone?”_

_No response, but the girl looks at her before hesitantly walking toward the window and peering through the glass, assessing her surroundings._

_“I know you came here to get away from Elliott and, trust me, we think that’s the best decision you’ve ever made, but…”_

_“I know,” Alison turns around, rubbing her lips together. “I think I’ll be fine.”_

_“You think you’ll be fine?” Spencer pries, staring ahead at the girl. “Ali, I know you like being independent but you’ve never been alone before. Not for years, at least. Not since we’ve known you,” she adds with wide eyes._

_“Thank you for the constant reminder that I’m going to be alone,” Alison rolls her eyes, giving them a sarcastic remark. “I know you’re concerned and, honestly, so am I… but I’ll be fine. As long as the building’s not haunted…” she glances up at the ceiling, her friends doing the same before studying the blonde once more._

_She feels their eyes boring into her turned head, refocusing on them and promising, “If I need anything, I’ll call you. Both of you, if I have to.”_

Despite the “loneliness,” a part of Alison wishes that she had divorced Elliott earlier, mostly because the “love” died down months _before_ they got married, though she figured it was a last-minute jitter situation so she went through with the ceremony. Her parents weren’t the most fond of her relationship with Elliott from the get-go, although supportive no matter what, and they paid for the wedding with no trouble ━ a result of their own management positions before their early retirement. Their whole family is clouded by intelligence in the management and/or marketing fields ━ her brother, Jason, included ━ and they often excel in it.

Judging based off her intelligence-level, Alison should’ve known better when it came to Elliott, and she’ll always regret not realizing it earlier; she clenches her jaw, remembering how manipulative he was and how he’d tear her down whenever she became too successful at her old business, no matter if it was before they made the biggest commitment or after. In fact, he became flat-out verbally abusive at a peak or two within their short marriage, similar to the climax of a dark novel, resulting in Alison’s walls being built with a cold, hard material while the comforting warmth disintegrated.

_“I want to start a family,” Elliott’s random proclamation breaks Alison out of her heavy thinking, having been sitting in front of her laptop for an extended amount of time once her boss asked her to do an extra spreadsheet ━ one which she happily got a jump-start on._

_“Elliott, we’ve discussed this,” the words come out low and already irritated, the blonde side-eyeing her husband as he sits two couch cushions away, leaning to the side so he’s close to her lap._

_“Let’s discuss it again,” he pushes himself upward, shifting closer with a “convincing” grin that Alison clenches her jaw in response to._

_“No,” her anger boils over quickly, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and upset features._

_His attempt to hold her hand fails repeatedly, dragging his fingertips in a “comforting” way, though it’s anything but and Alison slaps his arm away with a curt “Knock it off. I’m not playing around.”_

_“What is your issue, Alison?” Elliott stands up, beginning to pace while rubbing his forehead._

_“Right now, you. You’re my issue,” she stares at him with an incredulous expression cascaded over her posture, sitting up with her laptop in front of her body although she’s not paying much attention to her work anymore._

_“Oh, that’s a nice thing to say to your husband.”_

_“Well, my ‘husband’ deserves it,” she stands up. “I’m tired of you making decisions for the both of us before asking me. I’m sick of feeling like I’m finally getting somewhere in my career, only for you to try pulling me back.”_

_“I’m not trying to pull you back!”_

_“Really? Then why, right after I find out that I have the possibility of getting promoted next month, do you suddenly want to start a family?” the blonde tilts her head to the side, hands on her hips while he stands in front of her a good number of feet away, arms at his sides with his fists balled up._

_“I’m sorry, I figured my wife would enjoy having children with me. That’s what married couples do,” Elliott fights back. “They make families.”_

_“When they both want it!”_

_“What, so you don’t want a family now?” his voice raises, Alison’s forehead creasing in stress while her eyes evade his, sensing her own energy drain._

_“I’m not sure anymore,” her reply is a whisper, drawing a dark chuckle from her husband._

_She watches him begin to walk out of the room, grabbing his beer bottle off the counter as he moves past it, leaving Alison to stand there with her depleting energy and angry eyes. Before Elliott fully exits the room, he turns back to the girl with a narrowed, cold gaze, muttering, “Something’s seriously fucking wrong with you.”_

Elliott is the main reason why Alison’s trust is so shaky, though Emily quickly smashed through that within an hour of meeting and the blonde wishes that they could’ve made something with the foundation they set on Monday night; sadly (in a way), even though they’ve only known each other for a few days (and on a deep level for a mere hour or so), Alison finds herself wanting to spend a night of endless talking with Emily, hoping to find an old, _better_ form of comfort within the girl.

Alison is genuinely surprised that she gravitated toward Emily so easily, mostly because of how clear the girl’s intentions were ━ at the beginning, at least. The brunette is a new brand of human, Alison notes in a cheeky way, because her Monday-night attitude went from driven to interested within seconds, making the blonde feel truly wanted. It brought out her playful side, that’s for sure, and it’s something she’s missed because she hasn’t gotten to be that carefree in a long time. If you asked her, she’d admit that she nearly gave Emily her number that night and, now, she wishes that she had; maybe, if they had exchanged phone numbers, they’d be able to share desperate texts until they simply… made something together.

Shaking her head, Alison mouths the word “No,” attempting to stress the fact they cannot be together or try anything while they’re coworkers. It’s bad enough that she’s already altered most of her schedule to revolve around Emily’s, and out-right reminding herself of that fact makes her feel like a hidden stalker, but she can’t exactly help it. Deep down, she wants Emily to think about her because she’s thinking about the brunette equally as much ━ perhaps even more. She knows it’s selfish and unprofessional considering that she’s aware of what’s at risk, but, _fuck_ , she’s only human and it’s exhausting to remember that she’s stuck in this position. So, whenever possible, Alison walks by Emily’s workspace to catch a glimpse of the girl she’s come to admire ━ not only in a romantic sense but as a complex person; she knows there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to the brunette, exampling from the way she spoke on Monday and transitioning to how she’s dealt with this overall situation. Sure, it’s a crappy scenario between them as of now, but it makes Alison more curious as to what she’s thinking about whenever they lock eyes, even if it’s for mere seconds.

Deciding that it’s probably her best bet to keep occupied with work, Alison pushes herself away from the sleek desk with a bundle of papers that need to be copied, rounding the piece of furniture and exiting her office to find both Emily and Hanna’s workspaces empty, afterwards turning toward Aria’s and seeing the same. She rolls her eyes with a subtle grin, adoring their friendship and how they seem to travel in a pack because it reminds her of her own relationship with Spencer and CeCe. Nevertheless, she breathes out and pushes forward, heels smoothly walking down the larger aisle separating desks from one another with grey dividers and overall boringness. The sight brings back memories of when her former job kept her confined to one of those desks, though her massive dedication to work proved to be successful when she moved up to her floor director’s main assistant, eventually discussing taking over the type of position she has now. What happened after that potential promotion was _nearly_ obtained is where her colossal downfall lies, a result of Elliott’s determination to ruin whatever great thing she had going for her.

Alison huffs and slams the group of papers against her hand with irritation, creating a loud slapping noise that makes her duck her head once she realizes that she’s walked into an occupied, copy room with Hanna, Aria, and Emily standing around. At the sound, the three girls glance upward but Emily strays away from giving her a good amount of attention, turning back to the machine and waiting for everything to filter through. At the same time, Hanna and Aria give Alison genuine smiles, afterwards going back to discussing something that’s on the blonde’s phone accompanied by subtle giggles and weird, gawking noises with Emily leaning over to see what they’re talking about.

“Did you know about this?” Hanna whispers to Emily who begins to finish up with her papers, only side-eyeing what the girl is showing her on the device’s screen.

The other blonde eavesdrops on the conversation as she waits for the copy machine to be free, not wanting to provide Emily with any more discomfort, so she only approaches once the three move off to the side, the brunette grabbing Hanna’s phone with a creased forehead and afterwards raising her eyebrows while whispering, “No, I had no idea.”

As Alison moves to the copier, Emily’s two friends laugh, Hanna trying to get out a teasing “How did you not know? You’re the one who slept with her” and, when the words are in the open, the blonde shuffling through a bundle of papers tenses up.

“It’s not like I was paying much attention,” Emily mumbles, getting her things together as her friends snicker.

“Of course not,” Hanna continues.

“I hardly believe whatever you’re discussing is appropriate for work,” Alison lifts her head but doesn’t turn to the girls, only partly peering over her shoulder while listening to their entertainment die down.

“Sorry,” she gets one, quiet apology.

“Don’t be sorry,” her response is smooth, tainted with snarkiness. “Just get back to work.”

Two of the three shuffle out of the room with the remnants of giggles while the third remains in the same spot. Alison can only guess which girl it is, almost physically sensing a burning gaze on her back while bowing her head because she, herself, knows how jealous she sounded. She wants to turn around and stare into brown eyes, no matter how sad or angry they are, but can’t bring herself to make any moves, and, instead, stares at the machine that lights up with numbers on the small screen.

“Don’t you have ‘a lot of work’ to do?” she reminds Emily of the excuse she attempted to use before, the brunette behind her looking away but standing in the same spot for a few seconds longer.

When Alison doesn’t let up on her stiff, jealous demeanor, Emily nods, more so to herself, before backing up and walking out of the room with an irritated body language, the door slamming behind her as a result of the heavy latch and her lack of will to care about who notices how upset she is. Alison closes her eyes at the echoing noise, arms slumping at her sides while finally looking backwards, noting the room’s emptiness and feeling the same as how it appears.

Quiet, desolate, and synthetic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh, it's a dangerous game that we play, isn't it?
> 
> As always, let's start with the smaller, less-Emison-y things… like the friend groups! I know I've mentioned before that I tend to enjoy shuffling the girls around, but we hadn't read any Spencer/CeCe/Alison dialogue until now. How was it? Spencer and CeCe are included in some of my favorite conversations within this story, so I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. They're very supportive (collectively) while Spencer keeps her tip-toe nature whereas CeCe is fun/sarcastic ━ but that's not to say she can't be honest and concerned, at the same time. I wanted to see this dynamic because I think Spencer and CeCe would have (in the show) been at-odds like siblings (ha-ha, funny) but, at the end of the day, they know they're a family. That's the feeling I wanted to achieve here, so… let the riff-raff begin.
> 
> Wayne mention! Note: His contribution to the story is massive in an emotional sense, even though his "appearance" is brief. We'll also be seeing Pam in this story, along with Jessica and Kenneth (btw, it's so odd writing his name because I hardly utilize him in fics). I'm happy to notify everyone that these parents are all portrayed in a positive light since most have had a variety of issues in my past stories. In fact, I really enjoy Mr. and Mrs. DiLaurentis' appearance in this fic since I continued with my story tradition of writing a "vacation" chapter. Wait for it.
> 
> So, how about that first work encounter? Clearly, these two are walking on eggshells when it comes to one another, mostly out of unknowingness and failure to push themselves into discussing things ━ and it obviously didn't help when Alison chose to act like she doesn't remember their bar meet-up. It's interesting because it seems as though Alison wanted Emily to say something throughout the whole conversation, but, once it actually happened, she was scared off and made it seem like the other girl was delusional. Because of this lack of acknowledgment, Emily is going to feel scorned and she's likely going to fall into a bed of malice when she wants to, in a way, get revenge. I mean, come on; here she is, going through an insane amount of confusion in her head because of Alison ━ confusion that makes her want to change her whole lifestyle for the girl ━ yet she's rejected before she could even make it known that she's troubled by it. Then again, is it fair for Emily to be so upset with Alison when she hasn't really given her a chance as a human (in the workplace)? After all, these are tricky circumstances and they need to remain professional (I'm side-eyeing you, Alison with the jealousy complex). What do you peeps think about it?
> 
> It may look like Alison is forcing herself to be reluctant when it comes to building something with Emily. She literally thinks to herself, "…maybe, if they had exchanged phone numbers, they'd be able to share desperate texts until they simply… made something together," and that's important to note. It's far beyond a simple notion like "We work in the same office and can't make something out of this for that reason," and the complexity runs deep.
> 
> Speaking of complexity… Alison, as an individual, has an extremely real (and humane) background within this fic, contributing to how she deals with things. It's actually pretty different from her persona in my other fics because, in this, she's vulnerable in a different light; here, she knows what she deserves and she'll be damned if she doesn't get it, but there's still a sense of her past haunting her which will play a big role in things ━ and it'll be explained in detail once these two learn to open up to one another. Elliott obviously left a knick in her heart (quite frankly, his ass-ish nature strengthened following that flashback, insecurities galore), so she's a bit wounded in that aspect. Small note: No, Emily doesn't know about Alison's previous marriage, but (spoiler alert) I just wanted to say that it won't affect how she feels about her.
> 
> This chapter was short, I know, and my author's note probably seemed longer than the actual update, but number four is longer with more, added tension and something that will finally get the ball rolling. With that being said, keep remembering that this is a slow-burn so it may be excruciating to read if you're expecting a quick turn-around, but it'll definitely be worth it.
> 
> Until then, I'll be suffering with schoolwork while waiting to post again. As always, find me on Tumblr ("capn-charlie") or message me here, if you'd like. Have a nice morning/afternoon/evening/night/whenever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all are the greatest and I love ya for the support you’re always giving me.
> 
> I decided against waiting a full, five-day span because, let’s be real, that 5K chapter three felt more like 2K, and I think we all deserve a little more than that ━ especially because slow-burns are so sldfkjlgksjdf. Did I spell that correctly?
> 
> For those who want to know what to look forward to in this story: (spoiler alert) We’ll be journeying with Alison through her thought-process when it comes to taking a leap, Emily’s change in heart regarding the way she reacts to rejection, these two caring for one another and learning each other, morning-after moments, tears both happy and sad, a mini-vacation, etc. There is a part in the story that’s going to make everyone sigh in sadness (me included) and I won’t lie… it’s pretty rough. I meant it when I said nothing’s going to come easy, and, when you think we’re in the clear, I’ll bring another twist. I don’t mean to make anyone frown (remember: Emison is always endgame with me), but they’re going to go through some things that you may be ?! about because the situations will be very complicated. This story, in a way, is more about emotional support and mental connections rather than flat-out fluffiness and physical encounters, therefore just be patient with these two ━ and me. This is to no one in particular but more so another thought: I’m sorry to anyone who came to this story thinking it’d be a quick fix to the Emison void in your heart, but, as always, we’ll get to that because I miss them too. Man, I miss them.
> 
> Although I’d like to offer more greatness since I totally just whipped out all those perhaps-gloomy facts, I can’t ruin everything with a solid sneak peek, but you won’t have to wait long for a kiss ━ not to say it’ll solve all their problems or alleviate the building tension.
> 
> Here’s a well-deserved 8K of… well, you’ll see.

Saturday; one of the most relaxing days of the week ━ or, to some, one of the most “party-full” days of the week.

It’s been neither here nor there for the girl who paces back and forth while biting her thumbnail. Occasionally, she moves her hands to her hips, desperately wanting to slow down and relax with perhaps a Netflix marathon or something relative. Unfortunately, her mind hasn’t stopped enough to even remotely chill out and enjoy the day, leaving her frantically doing household chores such as washing the dishes, laundry, and extensive cleaning in general. In fact, there’s nothing left to do, ultimately causing Alison to groan and pace throughout her living room. She’s surprised she hasn’t ruined the soft, under-the-couch rug yet ━ not to say she hasn’t already tripped over it a time or two within thirty minutes. 

Another thing that she caught herself doing around an hour ago was searching for a certain-someone’s Facebook profile. It didn’t take long, first finding Hanna’s page and carefully scrolling through without hitting any buttons, eventually having her eyes land upon a tagged picture including Emily. Her cursor hovered above the girl’s name at the time, getting ready to click even though she harshly pinched her bottom lip between two of her fingers because, internally, she knew she should just close her laptop, but of course that didn’t happen. Much to her discontent, Emily’s page was set to private with very minimal popping up, though the header picture above everything was an older-looking photo of the brunette with subtle, blonde-ish highlights in her hair, causing Alison to smile heavily ━ until she realized what was happening and, at the fluttering feeling, the browser was closed as she massaged her temples. 

That’s not the only Emily-related thing that’s been prodding at her mind on this “fine,” Saturday evening. After closing Facebook, a raging battle sparked inside the blonde ━ one which lead her to this pace-session ━ and her thoughts grew relentless. They spoke with smoothness and convincing tones, nudging Alison to believe that she should use her private, work profile on the company’s site to come across Emily’s number. 

But what would she do with it? She can’t just call the girl ━ or text her, for that matter. Yeah, that’d go over well, Alison heavily rolled her eyes when thinking about it earlier; she’d dial Emily’s number and, once the brunette picked up, she’d probably hang up the phone and panic for the next three weeks ━ or maybe not; perhaps she’d call, hear Emily’s voice, and melt into the conversation with a soft “Hey, Emily. It’s me.”

That can’t happen, she adamantly reminded herself. Plus, how the hell would she explain that? “Um, yeah, I, uh… got your number from work, and… this is  _ completely  _ work-related.” Again, she rolled her eyes at the thought; there’s absolutely no way she could possibly take advantage of restricted resources for her own gain. It hasn’t even been a week since she was hired. So, after a little more time, the blonde shook her head and muttered a quiet “No” to herself like the day before, pushing those thoughts away. 

Zoned out and frustrated, Alison’s eyes feel dry when she forgets to blink, sensing the oncoming, stinging pain and shaking her head before throwing herself onto the couch. Her phone bounces when she hits the cushion, flopping off the couch and onto the floor as she stares at the device as if it wasn’t her own fault. Bending over and reaching for her phone, she smacks the corner of her head on the coffee table, eyes going wide and staring at the piece of furniture while wanting to scream because she’s going to end up inadvertently knocking herself into a coma and it’s Emily’s fault.

Okay, so maybe it isn’t Emily’s fault, but she sure as hell wishes she could blame the brunette. Obviously, the girl’s been on her mind more than she should be, though it’s the weekend and Alison thought she’d have a break from her constant, nagging imagination because God only knows it didn’t slow down during the work-week ━  _ especially  _ yesterday after their confrontation.

_ Alison bounces her leg as she gently bites onto the end of a plastic pen, sitting at her desk while leaning back in her chair. Her head is tilted ever-so-slightly, peering into the mainspace of the floor. She specifically stares at Emily’s small office, wondering what the girl is up to ever since their most-recent, face-to-face encounter in the copy room. Her jealousy has completely diminished and, quite frankly, she wanted to slap herself across the face for feeling that spark, in the first place; it’s not fair to Emily to practically pretend she doesn’t remember a damn thing from Monday, only to get upset when the brunette discusses one of her other affairs. _

_ Emily can fuck whoever she wants. _

_ Whenever she wants. _

_ However she wants. _

_ The blonde pushes the flat end of the pen into her cheek, eyes boring into Emily’s cubicle with an angry demeanor. In fact, she’s so zoned-out and worked up that she ignores the fact that Hanna is standing in the doorway of her office, waiting for her boss to notice because, a few minutes ago, she had been asked for a small, one-on-one meeting.  _

_ “Um… Ms. DiLaurentis?” _

_ The question doesn’t receive any acknowledgement, Alison merely shifting her jaw and looking angrier. Hanna waits, sensing the atmosphere take a weird turn. She follows the girl’s line of sight, noticing that she’s staring at where Emily sits ━ not that it makes much sense because a grey board separates them. _

_ “Alison?” she tries the name she was told to call the other blonde, this time watching her boss snap out of whatever trance and instantly change her attitude from menacing to kind. _

_ “Oh, hi,” Alison gets out in one breath. “Sorry, I was… just thinking. Come, sit.” _

_ The girl happily complies, getting comfortable in the seat while Alison goes through a bundle of papers to study one of the files she needs. _

_ “Hey,” Hanna suddenly speaks up, somewhat bending forward and making a face like she’s debating on asking whatever question she has, eventually doing so, “I was wondering… how do you feel about Emily?” _

_ The random wonder makes Alison’s eyes go wide, not knowing where to begin as her mouth opens and closes. Although she tries to cover up her shock, her body stiffens with panic because, shit, has she been too obvious? Did Emily say something? Did she, herself, unknowingly say something? What the━  _

_ “I mean… I don’t want you thinking she’s rude. I know she hasn’t really… been receptive or anything,” Hanna treads carefully, knowing it’s not her business to speak for Emily. “I guess I’m just wondering if you feel like there’s something going on, from a boss’ standpoint.” _

_ Alison feels herself breathe out, relaxing into her chair before her eyebrows raise and eyes dart away because she’s not sure what answer Hanna is looking for. _

_ “That’s not exactly my call,” Alison shrugs. “I don’t know her well enough.” _

_ Her thoughts scream and call her a liar, wanting to roll her eyes but keeping on a steady facade. _

_ Hanna nods slowly, more so to herself. She bows her head and toys with her fingers, fidgeting as silence takes over the room. Alison pays attention to her body language, picking up on something that seems like a mixture of nervousness and guilt. Furrowing her eyebrows, Alison mutters the not-so-much-a-question-but-an-observation “You’re worried about her.” _

Alison’s phone begins to ring from the comfort of her palm, flipping it over to see the screen light up with CeCe’s name. She debates on answering, her exhaustion poking at her conscience while wanting to toss the phone onto the coffee table and throw her head back with a groan. In reality, she slides her thumb over the screen, answering with a dull “Hello?”

_ “Well, damn. Happy Saturday to you, too,” _ the girl’s sarcastic remark makes Alison rub her face, exhaling with an immediate “Sorry, I’m… I don’t know.”

_ “Are you home?”  _ she ignores the obvious distress.

“Yeah, why?” Alison blinks.

The call ends and the blonde frowns while looking at the screen, eyes catching sight of the time ━ 7:04 P.M. ━ before a knock at her apartment door is heard. She makes a more-annoyed face, rolling her neck before all but dragging her feet across the carpet with a sluggish body language. The door is thrown open a second later, CeCe and Spencer flashing her cheesy, spur-the-moment smiles before crossing over the threshold of her living space.

They walk over to the couch and throw themselves onto it like Alison had done before, the girl rubbing her head in the spot where she hit the coffee table. She doesn’t realize that two pairs of eyes are staring at her, CeCe and Spencer practically sensing her exhaustion because, from the looks of it, Alison either hasn’t gotten much sleep, she’s been speeding around the house while doing shit for  _ whatever  _ reason, or a mixture of the two.

“Is everything okay?” Spencer is first to voice her concerns, Alison finally blinking hard.

“Hm? Yeah,” her answer is quick ━ a little too quick ━ and CeCe narrows her eyes.

“Oh, come on. You’re going to have to do better than that.”

“What?” Alison appears dumbfounded, arms limp at her sides. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

Her friends share some sort of silent doubt, but neither push it ━  _ thankfully _ . Instead, CeCe mutters, “Alright, then,” as Spencer glances back toward Alison, asking, “How was your first week at work?”

The thought of work makes the girl want to groan yet again, not ready to face Emily just yet even though a part of her really wishes she was in this room right now. That wouldn’t be good, Alison internally muses as her eyes widen, having to shake her head and saunter over to where her friends sit, getting comfortable on the loveseat adjacent to them. She brings one leg onto the seat, hugging it while pressing herself against the back cushion.

“It was… good,” the word barely touches upon what she’s feeling and her friends can automatically tell ━ not to say they question her “exhaustion” again.

“ _ Good _ ?” Spencer appears weirded-out by the answer. “You almost cried when you were hired, Alison, and now you’re saying it was just ‘good’?” a wiped-out, interested smirk shows up along her mouth, the blonde across from her clearing her throat.

“Well, it was work,” she shrugs in an attempt to cover up her shakiness. “I’m beyond grateful for the opportunity, yeah, but it’s work. I’m never going to be over-the-moon about leaving my bed in the morning.”

“I hear ya,” CeCe raises her eyebrows, making a face before turning to Spencer, afterwards facing Alison again, “but she has a point. You were ecstatic about this, work or not. What changed?”

“Nothing changed,” her voice squeaks ━ a noise that makes her want to slam her eyes shut because, yup, now they know she’s hiding something. “I love it, I do. I’m just getting used to it, that’s all. Like when you need to break in a new phone and everything’s scattered around, so you have to learn how to use everything all at once. It’s tiring.”

“I actually  _ really  _ understand that analogy,” the other blonde purses her lips, “but you’re trying to feed us complete bullshit and I’m not having  _ any  _ of it.”

Alison goes to open her mouth, whatever she was about to say being run-over by Spencer.

“We’re on the same page, this time,” her voice is monotonous, staring at Alison pointedly. “Don’t pretend there’s not something else going on because, trust me, we know you better than you know yourself.”

The girl’s eyes bounce between the two, eventually drifting off to nothing in particular as she breathes out while pursing her lips, creating a funny sound. She rubs her forehead, going to say something until her mouth closes when she doesn’t know how to explain herself. Half of a minute passes before she’s able to force out her voice with a small “Okay,” rubbing her lips together.

“I met someone.”

She notes that the words stun her friends in different ways, Spencer narrowing her eyes while CeCe raises her eyebrows with little to no movement along her mouth; neither girl smiles or frowns, and Alison doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or otherwise. 

“Continue…” the other blonde pries.

“It’s…” she wants to define it as complicated, but that’s the understatement of the century and she’s trying to open her mind up without being too detailed.

Alison takes a deep breath, staring away from the pair, “She’s… wonderful.”

“ _ She _ ?” Spencer finally smiles, her mouth opened with eyes sparkling. 

CeCe reacts nearly the same, though her expression appears more so scandalous than anything.

“Don’t act like this is new,” Alison halfheartedly whines and leans back against the chair.

“It kinda is, babe,” CeCe snickers.

“No, I’ve told you before!” 

“You’ve told us you’re bisexual, sure,” the girl defends, “but you’ve never…” her hands make vague gestures, Alison quirking an eyebrow and looking away.

“I’ve… done stuff.”

They both tilt their heads in the same direction, Alison feeling judged by her friends.

“Okay, yeah, I was drunk but it still counts!”

“Do you remember her name?”

“That’s not what counts.”

“Mm,” CeCe hums while rolling her eyes. “In that case, I’ve done shit, too.”

“Either way, it doesn’t diminish my sexuality,” the defense is immediate, CeCe holding her hands up in a form of surrender.

“No, I know,” her voice is smooth. “I’m just saying that it’s new. This…  _ seriousness  _ about a girl.” 

Spencer presses her tongue to her inner cheek and agrees with the girl sitting next to her, nodding. Alison falls silent and her friends notice this behavior, CeCe giving her an amused “We’re waiting” to which her eyes dart around the room as if she’s debating on continuing the conversation.

Her demeanor must have shifted the whole room’s vibe because, next, CeCe’s entertained expression falters and she quietly asks, “What’s going on?”

The question is so serious that she swallows hard, fiddling with her fingers in her lap now that her legs are crossed as she sits on the loveseat. Attentive eyes stare at her, solely noting her body language and overall attitude. On the surface, she looks guarded and cautious, maybe a bit nagged-at by everything that’s poking around in her head. It’s a tad bothersome to her friends, knowing the third member of their group is being torn up over whatever-it-is, but they hope she confides in them ━ and, once she gathers some courage, she does.

“I’m annoyed, that’s all,” Alison sighs. “I haven’t exactly  _ thought _ about the possibility of liking someone after…” she trails off, the others understanding with nods. “But then  _ she  _ came along, and my mind hasn’t shut off, since then.”

“Okay, and?” they dissect her thoughts as much as they can, knowing she isn’t telling them the full story.

“And nothing can happen between us,” her shrug is curt and tense.

“Wait, why not?” CeCe leans forward on the cushion.

“Don’t shut down just because you hadn’t planned for this,” Spencer gives insight. “If you like this girl, I say go for it.”

“I can’t,” Alison shakes her head.

“Why the hell not?” again, the other blonde seems more upset than Alison does.

“It’s━” she cuts herself off with a scrunched up, irritated face. “Okay, have you ever liked someone that you can’t have, but it’s even harder to deal with because they seem to be in the same boat?”

“Like… she’s  _ married _ ?” they quirk lone eyebrows, Alison almost rolling her eyes when they're completely in-sync.

“No, but that’s not my point.”

“I mean, I guess,” CeCe takes a deep breath. “It’s kinda hard to understand when you’re not giving us much  _ to  _ understand.”

“Yeah, that’s for a reason,” the mumble comes out as she bows her head and rubs her neck.

“I still say you should go for it,” Alison is surprised to hear CeCe say although she probably shouldn't be so shocked because the girl is quite passive ━ not to say she isn’t fiercely intelligent and more so about insight than personal gain.

“Whatever you think is best, do it,” Spencer adds. “You know we’ll support you. Just figure out what you want to do, or what you  _ can  _ do, and… take care of yourself before anyone. You said Stamford’s a new beginning, so make it just that.” 

“I know,” another sigh falls from Alison’s lips. “I wish I knew what to do. Right now,” her eyes widen a bit at the final words.

“You know what  _ I _ think you need?” CeCe slaps her knees, looking enthusiastic.

“God, what?” Alison groans.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Ali.”

“She gets it from you,” Spencer mutters.

“She also gets her good looks from me,” the tall blonde turns to the girl she’s sitting next to.

“Can you two stop acting like you’re my parents? I don’t get anything from either of you.”

They stare at her for a moment, the outburst stunning them for a few seconds before CeCe side-eyes Spencer and mumbles, “She clearly has your inability to take a joke.”

“If you just came to torment me, you can leave,” her voice is blunt, though she wants to laugh at the conversation because they’re relentless.

“No, that’s not why we came, but, as I was  _ trying  _ to say…” CeCe drums up some suspense, waiting to exclaim, “You need to get out tonight.” 

“I don’t know, Ce, I’m━”

“You’re only tired because this girl’s been biting at your hormones for however-long.”

“Okay, that’s a  _ bit  _ of an exaggeration━”

“Are you saying I’m wrong?”

“She’s just been on my mind!” 

“ _ Exactly _ ,” CeCe gets up, extending her hand to Alison so she can pull her to her feet as well even though the invitation is initially declined by skeptical eyes, “which is why we’re going somewhere.”

“Where?” the question sounds tired and reluctant as she sits, watching Spencer stand up with the mindless suggestion “How about Heroes’? I haven’t been there in a while.”

Alison’s lips part but she quickly closes her mouth; the idea of heading to Emily’s favorite pub ━ or presumed favorite ━ on a more-than-likely bar-going night sounds far past appealing, wondering if she’d see the brunette there. On the other hand, would she be able to handle that? What if the girl is there, very obviously flirting with someone? Judging by the way she handled yesterday’s, copy-room face-off, she’d probably deal with it pretty poorly through blatant jealousy ━ something which her friends would  _ certainly  _ pick up on; all in all, she’s not the best at keeping a solid poker face when jealousy is involved.

“Is that a yes?” the taller blonde’s tone is hopeful, clasping her hands together as Alison stands up with a wary attitude.

She squints one eye, a tiny smirk tugging at one corner of her mouth, “Give me a bit to get ready.”

Her friend’s arms go limp at her sides, “How long is ‘a bit’?” 

Alison, walking away, tosses the statement “It’s your own fault for not asking ahead of time” over her shoulder, CeCe making a whining noise matched with the elongated statement “But I’m starving” as Spencer purses her lips with a face that says “she’s right, though.”

 

X X X

 

Emily stares at the colored drink that’s in front of her, not knowing much about the cocktail but finding herself zoned out while admiring it, anyway. Actually, her forehead is creased and her mouth is flattened into a straight line, coming off as angry when, in reality, she solely can’t get her mind out of the gutter. Toby sits to her right while watching the game that’s on the corner TV, beer bottle set in front of him on the bar, falling silent for most of the time they’ve already spent there ━ approximately an hour or so, the clock currently reading 8:02 P.M.

Heroes’ is decently crowded tonight, most seats taken aside from two barstools to Toby’s right since the previous occupants scurried off. The place’s volume is heightened, though not much more than a normal, Saturday night, and both Billy and Atlas scram around the bar as they fill drink orders and tend to those who order some greasy food from the back. Emily’s focus occasionally drifts around the room, not being able to pay attention to much of anything because, the last time she was here, a very important person caught her eye.

That’s right: Alison is important to her.

Emily sighs, her thoughts scattering to find a reason for the blonde’s importance because it’s not like they’ve majorly spoken at any point and, when they  _ had _ , ninety percent of their exchanged words took place at work, being one, giant cockblock. 

It’s not like she wants to sleep with her, though ━ or, well, that’s not her main reasoning; Emily wants to get to know Alison, judging from the girl’s attitude and evident mystery. For example, the blonde’s words about happiness tasting different to everyone intrigued her, mostly because the girl sounded like she was speaking from her heart and the smoothness was all too organic ━ and captivating. It’s like she’s pulled the brunette into some mesmerizing hole of scheming and Emily doesn’t know how to escape it, causing her to have a permanent, confused frown on her face.

“We’re doing much less prowling than I expected,” Toby leans toward her ear, never facing the girl but staring at the TV.

Emily turns to him, wanting to walk out of the bar because she’s not really feeling up to being out-and-about ever since the day before when Alison’s  _ obvious  _ jealousy cut through her like a knife. Normally, she’d take the girl’s biting tone and run away with it, using it as a bone to prod at the blonde, but, right now, all she wants to do is crawl into bed and sulk ━ something that’s never happened before. Emily, on the inside, believes she’s growing defective, and hopes that someone ━  _ someday  _ ━ will be able to fix her since clearly that won’t be Alison, but, then again, maybe no one can. She has to fix herself, right? A sigh exits her throat, staring back at her drink when she hears Toby say, “Oh, here, take my seat.”

“Are you sure?” a far-too-familiar voice asks, Emily’s eyes widening as they almost burn a hole through the bar’s glossy surface.

“Yeah, it’s no problem,” Emily feels Toby brush her shoulder on his way to stand on the other side of where she’s sat, taking his beer and standing with one hand on the counter and the other on the back of her barstool.

Alison’s distinct scent invades her space, becoming an intoxicating aroma all over again. It reminds her of that fateful Monday and the girl’s laugh ━ sounding much like it does right now with two, unfamiliar voices nearby. Initially, Emily wonders if she tripped into another dream, wishing desperately that she’d gotten knocked out earlier in the day when she went to the training center to meet Toby for a quick, boxing session. Of course, it’s real, and Emily periodically glances in Alison’s direction through the corner of her eye even though the girl’s back is facing her ━ but not for long; Alison twists in her seat, fully turning so she’s staring ahead at the bottles behind the bar, and Emily makes it her mission to never look at her again ━ at least for the night.

Her friends sound Alison-esque, Emily notes with squinted eyes; they hold different aspects of her personality, also some polarizing ones, and the brunette rubs her lips together while eavesdropping on a conversation about Alison’s work. The thought makes her pick up her drink and take a long gulp, not wanting to delve into the subject because, since Alison’s been hired, it’s felt ten times more hellish ━ albeit not as boring as it used to be. Of course there’s a trade-off, she rolls her eyes, and, when she refocuses, she watches Billy subtly nod in the blonde’s direction.

“What?” Emily mouths.

He approaches within the dimmed lighting, leaning forward an inch or so over the bar, “Isn’t that the girl━”

Although he tries to whisper, Emily’s eyes widen with panic and a silent, scolding undertone, pushing him to take the hint and shut up quickly by pretending someone called for him on the other side of the bar. Toby’s focus darts back and forth between the two until he ultimately shakes his head and decides to ignore it. Emily turns her head to look at her friend, witnessing him take a long sip of his beer before putting it back down.

“Okay, Em, you dragged me out to this bar. Now what?” he tilts his head while one fist grips the bottle atop the bar’s surface, other hand lingering on the back of her barstool. “You’re never going to get over this mystery girl by just sitting here.”

The brunette shifts in her seat, praying to every higher power that Alison isn’t paying attention even though she’s pretty sure she is ━ particularly because she’s not sitting all that far away. In fact, Alison’s arm occasionally, damn-near brushes her elbow and Emily tries to avoid it as much as possible by squishing herself into a packed, block-like position. Additionally, if she really wanted to, she could listen in on Alison’s whole conversation with her friends, the girls not overly loud but practically  _ in  _ her ear ━ and the blonde’s sweet laugh  _ may  _ kill her. 

“You’re right,” Emily huffs. “Maybe we should just go,” it even  _ sounds  _ desperate and, if she wasn’t trying to control herself so heavily, her leg would be bouncing from the high level of anxiety. 

Her eyes are pleading with Toby, though he doesn’t notice, and he firmly shakes his head after taking another sip of his drink.

“No, we’re not leaving here until you meet someone,” his beer bottle is placed back onto the bar. “And not for a one-nighter, either.”

She glances over her shoulder, turned away from Alison, afterwards whisper-hissing, “The whole point was to come for  _ you _ .”

“No, it was for both of us.”

“I’m not feeling up to it.”

Toby completely ignores his friend’s statement, knowing full well that she’s sulking in her feelings revolving around the girl who’s been on her mind. His eyes stare past Emily, noticing the blonde sitting next to her periodically shift in her seat and side-eye the brunette as if she has some underlying intention. 

“How about her?” he nods to Alison, Emily giving her a half-assed glance as her posture stiffens because, now that her brown eyes have given the girl a good look-over, she notices that she’s wearing the most casual yet sexy sundress with her hair falling perfectly, and━ 

“What? No,” Emily’s response is quick and snappy ━ obviously panicked ━ and she doesn’t know if she said it more so to herself or to him. 

“Why not? She keeps looking at you,” a shrug is given, thoughts swirling in Emily’s mind because, on one hand, this is about to get messy if she can’t find an excuse to leave, but, on the other, is Alison really looking at her?

“No,” the answer is firm, Emily raising her eyebrows.

“Fine, then I’ll do it,” he begins to shuffle past his friend, her hand pushing him back into his former, standing spot with a severely irritated “No way.”

His eyes narrow immediately, “Why not?”

Emily appears frustrated, Toby’s demeanor relaxing as he gives her a moment to breathe but, before too long, he turns back to her and adamantly asks, “What aren’t you telling me?”

Her mouth opens, still wanting to tell him what’s going on but not having the strength to do so ━ especially in a public place with Alison right freakin’ there. She swallows hard and clenches her jaw, not giving him an answer before she turns in her chair, lifts her hand, and hesitates before tapping the blonde on the back. Her throat feels like it’s tightening as she waits for what seems like a century, watching Alison peer over her shoulder before twisting in her seat with a quirked eyebrow. Blue eyes drift between Emily and the guy she obviously came with, not exactly wearing a distinct expression as the brunette’s mouth opens and closes multiple times as if she’s stuck. 

She looks into blue eyes, perfectly surrounded with dark eyeliner, and her previous ramblings automatically melt away until they’re replaced with thought after thought which ram into each other on contact. It takes a while for her to mentally slap herself across the face, hoping she didn’t just look like an idiot for a good amount of time while staring into Alison’s eyes because, quite honestly, she wishes that she could drown in them. It’s odd, however, because the blonde doesn’t break her trace and, instead, reads her equally as much, perhaps wishing that she could apologize for what’s happened as of late with words that she’d never be able to say aloud. Emily has to turn away to regain a shred of control, putting on a warm smile with a raised chin once she faces the girl again, although her voice is shaky and forced when she pushes herself to speak.

“I’m sorry, Ms. DiLaurentis, I didn’t know it was you,” her half-assed excuse makes the blonde want to snicker but it’s way too clear that Emily didn’t want to disturb her, in the first place, so Alison plays along as her friends watch the altercation, having been interrupted whilst trying to talk to their third friend.

“Emily,” her pretty teeth shine in the dimmed lighting like almost a week ago, the brunette melting, “I thought I told you to call me Alison.”

She gives her a tight-lipped, awkward smile, “Sorry, force of habit.”

Alison hums with a small nod, gesturing backward to her friends and one after the other introducing them, “This is Spencer, and that’s CeCe,” both girls gaining simple acknowledgments from the brunette that the third member of their group is talking to.

Emily and Alison give each other an abrupt look-over, brown eyes being a shade more irritated than welcoming, and Toby amusingly leans over to ask, “So, you already know her?” 

A short second passes and Alison has to tear her eyes away from Emily’s outfit, the girl’s gaze locking with hers while the brunette hesitantly (and only partly) introduces the two, “Yeah, um… Toby, this is my new boss.”

Everyone in close range ━ both girls’ friends ━ note the tint of disdain in the brunette’s voice, Alison pursing her lips and tilting her head to the side with narrowed eyes as Emily wishes she didn’t open her mouth, to begin with. Behind Alison, her two friends share a look, feeling weirded-out by whatever energy they’re picking up on, and Toby has a massive amount of questions forming in his mind. 

“Wait, what happened to your old boss?” he reveals one, eyes burning into his friend’s temple.

Alison watches Emily turn to Toby, her gaze inadvertently drifting to the girl’s soft-looking lips while she listens to the reasoning, “It’s a…  _ colorful  _ story.”

He nods as Emily adds, “And, on Tuesday, my  _ new _ boss…” at first, she struggles to continue the story, ultimately bowing her head while mumbling, “exited the elevator and that was that.”

Blue eyes silently plead with Emily to look up, staring at her with sympathy because the twinge of hurt in her words is solid and, at the same time, deafening. Toby appears content with the excuse the girl has given him, taking another look at his now-empty beer before glancing past Alison to see her friends in a quiet discussion, likely about the outlying blonde of their group who’s been making eyes at Emily since they sat down. Seeing this and, after his eyes shift between Emily and Alison who  _ want  _ to stare at one another but are having an awkward, tension-infused debate when it comes to whether or not they should attack or ignore what’s between them yet refuse to talk like normal, human people, Toby brushes past the two with a quiet “Be right back” as brown eyes follow him, the brunette thinking that she could, somehow, bring him back to save her.

She hears him say, “Sorry for interrupting. I just didn’t want to get stuck in whatever  _ that  _ is,” while gesturing to the bubbled atmosphere surrounding her and Alison, only to listen to Spencer’s response, “And what might  _ that  _ be?” while the blonde’s other friend has a short yet sweet conversation with Atlas who stands behind the bar.

Being reeled in by blue eyes, Emily remains eavesdropping, partly panic-stricken as Alison does the exact same, her insides shaking ━ but that’s only because her tongue wants to spill her desires and secrets, hoping to tell the brunette in front of her what she’s been doing all day: thinking of her.

“You tell me,” he replies, CeCe raising her eyebrows as she eats the basket of fries in front of where she sits, her attention directed back to Toby and Spencer now that Atlas has walked away.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Spencer goes on the defensive.

“You really don’t like making conversation with new people, do you?”

“Guys in bars aren’t really my cup of tea.”

“Girls in bars aren’t mine.”

“Then why are you here?”

“For my friend,” Toby nods toward Emily, the girl in mention only breaking her stare-down with Alison once she’s talked about and, at that, she takes a sip of her drink. “Why are you here?”

“Our friend,” Spencer answers, her blonde “wingman” sitting one seat over.

A silence falls over them, making it seem like they’re in a confined, empty space with their two, respective friend groups in a dimly lit bar. Emily blinks, side-eying Alison who opens her mouth like she wants to say something because this feeling is becoming way too overwhelming when all she wants to do is bring her chair closer to the brunette’s. Emily, likewise, wants the same, given she’s a bit more hurt by the past week and, in current time, licks her lips when memories hit. Shaking her head, she peers down at her feet, her demeanor looking hopeless and Alison wants to reach out to grab her hand but can’t, her throat tightening. Instead, she voices a lone, vague thought.

“Can we talk?” Alison leans forward an inch, Emily adding the distance back to the space between them by moving in her seat.

“About what?” she uses the same tone that her boss had the day before, Alison wanting to groan but realistically only bowing her head with a slumped posture.

Again, Emily tries to concentrate on Toby's conversation in hopes she'll feel better about the night that's suddenly turned into a huge clusterfuck, Alison's heart pounding deliberately.

“So, um, can I buy you a drink?” Toby asks the girl who’s been (semi-playfully) jabbing at him for some time now, getting a sharp yet entertained smile.

“Nice try, but I already have one.”

The sound of a gentle clink is heard, CeCe taking her friend’s drink and sliding it away before raising her eyebrows as if telling her to stop being difficult. 

“What would you like?” the question is a bit smug and Emily is a shade impressed with her friend, knowing that he’s always been confident but rarely shows it when it comes to dating, but nothing in her gut lets her smile so, in reality, her mouth is stuck in a settled, straight line.

“I never agreed to you buying me a drink.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Spencer tilts her head in CeCe’s direction with dumbfounded, bothered eyes that might have given away the fact that she’s actually enjoying herself, the blonde bluntly laughing, “Don’t give me that look. I’m far too entertained by whatever’s going on here.”

Toby waits, Spencer taking a deep breath before giving him a tight-lipped, skeptical grin at which he dopily beams at. This expression gets a laugh from her, the girl trying to seal her lips again while muttering, “What a nerd.”

CeCe smirks before getting off the barstool when she sees that Spencer and Toby are hitting it off quite well, studying both “couples” like she’s a hawk. Shuffling over to Emily and Alison who are locked in silence, she sips her drink through a small straw, standing between the two and entering the off-putting vibe.

“Wow, it’s like something died in here,” she comments with a flat tone, Alison frowning and getting out a quick “What?”

Although Emily can hardly tear her eyes away from Alison, she has to once CeCe is prodding, “So, Ali, who’s your friend?”

“Don’t pretend you weren’t listening before,” the second blonde’s statement is laced with accusations, her friend humming.

“She said you’re her boss. That’s all I got.”

“That’s all you need to know,” Alison’s response is coy, shrugging one shoulder and, internally, Emily wants to know what game she’s playing because she just hinted at something bigger than it is ━ though it kinda  _ is  _ bigger than what it is, or what it’s become.

“Woah, hey, back up,” the girl makes some vague, defensive gestures. “You know that I know when you’re not telling me something, and by you flat-out making it seem like there’s something you’re not telling me as if it’s some form of reverse-psychology…” she narrows her eyes at Alison, watching the other blonde’s facade crumble more and more and, when she witnesses her swallow hard, her mouth opens.

As soon as she appears like she’s had a major epiphany, CeCe pushes her mouth back into a tight-lipped, prying smile, wanting to cover her tracks until she can get Alison alone ━ which better be soon because, man, she can see the guilt swimming in her friend’s eyes.

“So, what do you do for work, exactly?” the question catches Emily off-guard, her lips parting before she manages to say, “Accounting. I, um… I’m the best accountant in the building, or so I’ve been told.”

“You are,” Alison intervenes, looking sheepish when CeCe quirks an eyebrow at the abrupt interruption.

Squinting one eye, CeCe slides closer to Emily, partly leaning toward her ear and using a childish, playful tone with the girl while wondering, “Has Ali been good to you?”

She chose her words carefully for a reason, stunning the brunette whose mouth opens and closes when she’s put on the spot, and Alison bites her inner cheek while forcing her eyes to dart away.

“I mean, no issues with her yet? She often gets herself into  _ trouble _ ,” the word is blatantly obvious, standing out completely and Emily senses herself wondering if Alison’s friend has picked up on something between them ━ and she really has.

“She’s been great,” Emily pushes the answer out. “She’s been very professional.”

Alison shifts her jaw while ducking her head, staring at her feet and, immediately, CeCe feels a wave of sympathy about to high-tide over where she stands. Nearby, Spencer and Toby still exchange playful jabs back and forth, talking mindlessly until CeCe calls, “Spence, can I…?” while gesturing between their group of three and the bathroom.

“One sec,” Spencer whispers to Toby, heading toward the desired end of the bar within seconds with CeCe and a reluctant Alison in tow.

Emily watches on with sad eyes, staring at the back of Alison’s head while she leaves the room until she’s entirely out of sight, and that’s when Toby approaches her with a quiet “Are you okay?”

In the back of the pub, Alison doesn’t make it into the small, one-person room before her friends slide in with her, CeCe’s lecturing gaze all but burning a hole through the back of her head while she stares at herself in the mirror. Her hands grip the sides of the lone sink, wanting to yell at her reflection for making her own life so complicated time and time again. After all, it’s her fault for agreeing to come to this specific bar, solely because━ 

“Is she the reason why you so-quickly agreed to this Saturday-night trip?” one question hits her, eyes closing while taking a deep breath.

“Wait, who?” Spencer questions, being lost because she’s been talking to Toby for most of their time here.

“Emily,” CeCe answers when she sees that Alison won’t.

“The girl you work with?” again, Spencer directs her wonder at the blonde who stares at herself in the mirror without giving any sign of speaking up.

“Alison…”

“Can we please just leave?” Alison turns around, appearing wounded. “I’m tired.”

“No, not until you tell us what’s going on,” Spencer sounds far more adamant than CeCe does. “The truth.”

“I didn’t lie to you guys. Don’t make it seem like I did,” her eyes narrow while looking between them.

“You’re right. You didn’t,” CeCe breathes out, “but you also didn’t tell us that the girl you’ve been thinking about is someone you see every damn day because you work with her.”

“Because I’m trying to get past it!” she raises her voice and causes an echo. “You know me, okay? You know that, if I admit to what the real situation is… it’s harder for me.”

“How do you know her?” Spencer asks, seeming more gentle than a minute prior. “Did you  _ meet  _ at work?”

“No, I know her from here,” Alison walks away, arms crossed tightly against her chest. “We met on Monday night after I accepted the job, and… we hit it off. Like  _ really  _ hit it off.”

“Oh, God, did you guys━”

“No, no,” she shakes her head. “I didn’t even give her my number. I figured that, if I saw her again after that night… it’d be fate, I guess.”

“Do you really believe in fate?” the brunette doesn’t appear judgmental but simply inquisitive, Alison not wanting to look her straight in the eyes while shrugging because, when she says it aloud, it sounds kind of stupid.

“I believe in fate,” CeCe offers. “And maybe you’re right, Ali. Maybe you seeing her the day after you two ‘hit it off’ was fate, but, sadly, you’re also dealing with  _ work _ .”

“You think I don’t know that?” her voice is tired, stopping her slight pacing circle and leaning against the bathroom wall.

“No, I  _ know  _ you know that, considering what’s happened with Elliott.”

“Please don’t bring it up,” they can barely hear the words but CeCe presses her tongue to her inner cheek.

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes. “I just know that you’re probably thinking about it because of this situation with Emily.”

Alison nods, albeit barely.

“You’ll do what you have to do,” Spencer purses her lips. “You always do,” her next smile is sad yet understanding, Alison taking a deep breath.

“Can we leave? Please.”

“Of course,” CeCe extends her hand out for Alison to take, but it’s initially ignored. 

“Just give me a minute. I’ll be right there,” Alison indicates that she needs to gather herself for a minute longer, adding the afterthought, “Spence, you should give him your number.”

Spencer laughs and tries to not blush, ultimately giving her an accepting hum and leaving before Alison locks the door behind her friends. She waits a moment, backing up to stare at herself in the mirror like when the others were invading the bathroom, not enjoying what she sees because her face hides the massive amount of stress she’s gained within days. If anything, she thought the job, itself, would tire her out, but she got a whole lot more than she bargained for and it makes her take an extensive inhale, hands gripping the sink.

“Okay,” she says aloud through the following exhale, going through the small purse that’s been draped over her shoulder for a good chunk of the night.

Searching for a short amount of time, her fingers grasp onto an old pen as she rummages further for some paper. Finding nothing but a compact amount of essentials, Alison grunts and her arms go limp at her sides because she just wants to relax once and for all, but eventually resumes plunging her hand into the bag until she comes across a gum wrapper. She makes a face at the thought, but, within seconds, begins to write on the rectangular piece of paper with small letters and numbers, shaking her head along the way. Once finished, something within  ━ mostly anxiety ━ tells her to toss the paper and she hesitates, not knowing what to do anymore but, God, also wanting to just be happy for at least a lesser amount of time. 

The mirror still holds her reflection as she looks away from it, soon wanting to feel more confident with what she’s about to do, so, in order to push herself into an uncomfortable situation, she lifts her chin and suddenly wants to throw up; this whole, “confidence” thing was much easier when Emily was still trying to get her name. 

It isn’t long before she’s packed up and shoving her way out of the bathroom, looking across the room to see Toby walking Spencer and CeCe to the door while Emily sits at the bar with her hand rubbing at her eyes. Alison smiles sadly, a sense of guilt driving into her body for what feels like the thousandth time, but her feet take her over to the brunette with cautious eyes. She makes sure her friends are through the front door with Toby, approaching Emily until she’s a foot away and, once she’s standing quietly, waits for brown eyes to look in her direction.

“Your friends left,” Emily drones, not bothering to lift her head.

“I know they did,” Alison shifts her jaw, “and I’m leaving too.” 

“Okay,” the blonde’s heart breaks at the whisper, sounding drained and, really, it makes her wonder if there’s something far deeper going on in the girl’s life.

“But I needed to give this to you before I left,” her throat feels like it’s closing up and her fingers shake but she gingerly hands the folded gum wrapper to Emily, the brunette narrowing her eyes at the object as if it’s foreign.

She doesn’t open it, finally looking at Alison who flashes her a timid smile while sweetly saying, “Goodnight, Emily,” and scurrying away what seems like prior to the words forcing themselves out.

Emily sits there, watching Alison leave and wanting to follow her because these cryptic games have to stop or else she has no idea what’s going to happen between them, but her body is way too drained to move and, due to the fact that she’s beyond tired, she stays put while unfolding the note she’s been given. Part of her wonders if it’s a joke and there’s nothing on the wrapper while slightly hoping for it because, that way, she’d be able to move on from Alison far quicker, but her eyes scan an address toward the top of the small piece of paper, frowning in confusion.

As she reads on, however, her eyes perk up ━ given it’s more so in anxiousness and question upon question above anything else ━ and she realizes that Alison wants her to come over, therefore making things far more complicated and nerve-wracking.

_ “Tomorrow ━ 7:00 P.M.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is it possible to survive with this much pent-up tension?
> 
> From the very first sentence of this chapter, we’re introduced to Alison’s inner struggle when it comes to Emily ━ much like Emily’s chapter two issue. Even when Alison isn’t hitting her head on coffee tables and mentally blaming Emily, her flashbacks are wholeheartedly revolving around the tension between them, and you can see her blatant jealousy (and her obvious desire to push those thoughts away since she claims she’s over it) when she thinks, “Emily can fuck whoever she wants. Whenever she wants. However she wants.” Mm, Ali, sweetie… I don’t think you’re really over it.
> 
> Also, here is where we begin to see how "broken" Emily is. "She has to fix herself, right?" is an important thing to remember. She's too busy focusing on how "defective" she is, almost out-right admitting that she needs someone to fix her. She's stuck in limbo, at the moment, and it's sad to say but she's going to need to snap and shatter before she can be fixed ━ by herself or anyone else. There’s that feeling of dread again. Wow, my author’s notes are horrid today.
> 
> Something I want to mention is Hanna’s care in regards to Emily. The small flashback of Hanna’s work conversation with Alison shows how much she’s been through with Emily and how well she knows her friend’s attitude. Obviously Alison picked up on it because of her assumption at the end of the memory, pointing out that Hanna’s worried. Quite frankly, Hanna can tell something’s up with Emily but gives her as much room as she needs, but it’s still worrisome and we’ll endure quite a few more conversations revolving around the question: “Are you okay?”
> 
> How about Alison’s friends? Did you like Spencer and CeCe’s official entrance? How about Spoby’s beginning? By the way, Spoby’s impending relationship (although not central) will affect Emison’s budding relationship, as well. Anyway, so… evidently there’s something about this “coworker” relationship that makes Spencer and CeCe feel a little uneasy, and I know I say this often but… you’ll see why. Like I pointed out in last chapter’s author’s note, it all stems from Alison’s past, and things are way deeper than they seem. Another thing: The line, “Spence, you should give him your number," is huge for Alison because it's clear how regretful she is when it comes to not giving Emily her number on the first night they met; she doesn't want Spencer to miss out on Toby like she feels she did with Emily.
> 
> Now, relating to Emison’s confrontation at the bar: As strangers looking in, I'm sure a lot of us are like, "Bruh, just hold her hand. Give into your feelings. Deal with anxieties later. It's not that big of a deal," because it seems as though Alison is acting as if they can't even be friends out of work which is weird. From her vantage point, she's thinking that she wouldn't be able to stop her feelings for Emily from growing if she gave into a simple friendship/closure; she’s walking a very fine line ━ A.K.A. a fine line that’s about to get far thinner when Emily actually shows up to her apartment. Alison, what are you up to? I guess we’ll see in chapter five…
> 
> I’ll see you then, my friends.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, my people.
> 
> I woke up to an iced coffee, two strawberry-frosted donuts, freshly baked bagels, twenty dollars, and a notification saying my mail-ordered t-shirt is going to be delivered today, so guess who’s having a great day (or at least afternoon)!
> 
> With that being said, I realize that not everyone else is having a fantastic day ━ those who are being affected by hurricanes, earthquakes, wildfires, and other scary things… you’re certainly in my thoughts ━ so I decided that I’d brighten your moods at least a little by putting out another early update.
> 
> Don’t get too excited just yet, but I’m nearly finished with revising every chapter once (I revise each chapter twice before posting), and it’s good news for y’all because that means I can (most likely) update quicker. As I always say, I don’t want to end the fic so soon, however I also don’t enjoy drying the pace out by dragging along and delaying what feels like thirty days between each chapter. It’ll obviously take additional time to revise lengthy chapters (we have three that are over 10K long) so we’ll have to see what happens.
> 
> Did someone call for a tension reliever? Surprise: That’s not what we’re getting today. Surprise #2: I find it’s even better.

The stiffness of the bag is felt through her gloves time after time, not getting any softer or less menacing as she goes for another ten-minute round. Sweat dribbles off most areas of her body, huffing occasionally and catching her breath before pushing herself even further ━ much to Toby’s distaste. 

He’s been trying to mind his business, he really has been, but her actions are beginning to display absolute aggression instead of drive which, eventually, is going to be so draining that she won’t want to move for the next two days. Toby sets up for his following, multiple sessions, having pushed back a few once Emily pranced through the front door of the warehouse-like training center with a look that told him not to reject the idea of a mid-morning, boxing get-together.

_ “Are you alright?”  _

_ The brunette walks past him on her way to a bench pressed against the back wall. _

_ “I wish everyone would stop asking me that,” Emily huffs while leaning her foot against the bench and re-lacing her sneakers with irritated motions, pulling hard so Toby hears the fabric slide through the loops with a sharp zip.  _

He pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows, not pushing her to say anything further. Instead, Toby went about his business and began to set up for the day, cringing every now and again when he listened to the sound of furious, hollow punches and kicks. Realistically, he has no idea what’s going through Emily’s mind, but that’s not because he doesn’t  _ want  _ to; it’s only because the brunette won’t spill her feelings. It’s odd, Toby muses, because the girl is never  _ this  _ impacted by anything, but there’s clearly something wrong and it’s eating at her brain way too much ━ so much that her friend is worried for her safety, particularly because Emily has seemed reckless (regarding her work-outs) and quiet (in everyday life). 

Emily hits harder and Toby can tell, finally walking over to the brunette and crossing his arms in both sympathy and scolding.

“Wasn’t self-control the first thing we worked on together?”

She hears his words and smacks the bag once more, taking a deep breath and steadying the object without allowing her eyes to dart in her friend’s direction. Toby waits for an answer, never getting one as her gaze nearly burns a hole through the tough material, soon uncrossing his arms and walking away while saying, “Take a break.”

“No, I don’t need a break,” her argument is weak, being audibly tired.

He turns back to the girl, leaving no room for debate when he states, “You need a break.”

Emily continues to hesitate, lingering in the same spot as Toby gives her a demanding, “let’s go” type of look. Part of her wants to throw her gloves down and walk in the opposite direction, entirely lacking patience with anyone and everyone today.

“Emily, I’m not kidding,” Toby raises his eyebrows. “I know you want to keep going but it’s for the wrong reasons and I can tell. You’re going to hit that thing until you pass out and that’s not going to solve whatever’s fucking with your head.”

She goes to open her mouth, immediately being interrupted.

“And don’t you dare lie to me,” he points at her. “I’m worried about you, alright?”

“You shouldn’t be,” her gloves are undone and taken off, standing far across from Toby who remains near the bench where her bag rests.

“Why not? Why don’t you want me caring?”

“I never said I don’t want you to care,” the mumble is half-assed, Emily brushing past him once she’s set on finding some water within her bag. “Just…” she finds the bottle, studying it while speaking, “I don’t want you to worry about what’s been going on with me.”

“But you  _ know  _ you’ve been acting strange and won’t do anything about it,” he sounds desperate. “That’s what worries me.”

“I’ll be back to normal in no time,” throwing herself onto the bench, a round of deep breaths are taken, Emily tilting her chin upward and closing her eyes.

“And what if you’re not? Then what?” Toby gets situated next to her. “I lose one of my best friends, and for what reason? I have no idea.”

No answer, but she shifts her jaw and looks down with an upset attitude, being so obviously evident when her body slumps where she sits.

“The other night when I came over, you seemed quiet but put-together. Stressed like a normal human being,” he begins again. “Even last night, you were fine for a while and I didn’t question when things went downhill. Today? Em, it’s like you’re a completely different person. You were hitting that bag like you’re cold and heartless.”

“It’s a punching bag, Toby. Aren’t I supposed to hit it?” Emily narrows her eyes.

“Yes, but with intent to work out and train, not drain yourself of every damn feeling in your body,” she notes his voice as though he’s begging her to be open, sensing a pang of guilt because it’s getting way too difficult to shut out the rest of the world ━ which, admittedly, she knows she shouldn’t be doing, anyway.

She sighs, listening to the sound of a quiet “What’s going on, Emily? Please talk to me. I don’t know what else to do for you. I’m…”

He takes a breath, fiddling with his own fingers while saying, “I can’t let you come back here and potentially injure yourself  _ just  _ because you don’t think you can talk to me about whatever-it-is. I won’t do it. You know I love training with you, but what you’re doing… it’s not safe.”

“I know I can talk to you, okay?” her eyes slam shut, afterwards staring off in front of them while rubbing her lips together in thought. “My head is just… I don’t know. I guess I wanted to ignore what’s going on because I was hoping it’d go away.”

“But it’s not.”

“I know.”

Instead of prying another time, Toby falls silent and allows his friend to gather herself, both listening to the echoed quietness only disrupted by street noises while they sit within the empty training center. Emily drags her feet along the concrete ground beneath the bench, hands gripping the seat beside where she’s perched.

“Okay,” she releases a sharp, hollow exhale once a minute passes, “you know the girl you tried to get me to talk to last night?”

“You mean, your boss?”

Hesitation responds to the question, Emily’s mouth hanging open before she admits, “Yeah. Her name is Alison.”

“Mhm,” he hums so she continues, “and?” 

“Her and I,” the explanation dies in her throat, albeit she didn’t have a strong one, to begin with. “We…”

Emily, knowing she likely won’t get a strong sentence out, decides to backtrack a bit and voice her thoughts with a question of her own.

“Remember how you tried getting me to tell you more about the girl who made me feel like… settling down?” 

“That’s her,” his knowing, partial smirk somewhat stuns Emily, her body language slumping further because, before now, she had been a tense wreck due to last night, but currently she’s wondering if it was  _ that  _ obvious and, quite frankly, it makes her pretty fearful.

“You sound like you already know,” an accusation follows.

Toby chuckles, shaking his head, “That’s because I’m not as oblivious as you think I am.”

She bites her inner cheek, listening to him expand on his statement.

“Em, any one of the strangers in that bar could’ve felt the vibe between you two. Moose could’ve jarred it and made a new cocktail, if he wanted to.” 

Looking off to the side, Toby mindlessly rambles, “It would probably kill whoever ordered it, but━”

“Okay, I get it.”

“Why couldn’t you just tell me that’s what’s bothering you?” Toby turns to look at Emily more than prior, genuinely curious.

“Like I said, I wanted to get over it. Before last night, I thought… maybe I would,” she appears hopeless, not blinking while staring at the floor. “Once we got to Heroes’, I started to remember the night we met and, even though it was only for an hour or two… it was the best time I’ve had in a while.”

He purses his lips, listening attentively.

She emphatically sighs, “And it obviously didn’t help that she actually showed up and wanted to talk to me. After Friday, I didn’t think she’d ever try to. Not like that, at least.”

“What happened on Friday?”

Emily shakes her head, “She wanted to see me in her office and I wanted closure like we had talked about. So,” she rolls her neck and rubs the back of it, “when I apologized for Monday and the fact that I was kinda trying to pick her up, at first… she acted like it never happened.”

Toby nods in understanding, feeling scorned on Emily’s behalf.

“It was fucking humiliating,” although she laughs, he notes the malice laced within the sound and his mouth settles into a frown.

“I’m not taking her side, Em, but you’ve gotta know that this situation… it’s tricky,” Toby faces her again, “ _ especially _ for her.”

“I know that,” Emily hangs her head while rubbing her eye, “trust me, I do, but she could’ve at least accepted the apology and told me to move on.”

“Would you have listened?”

“I don’t know.”

“I have a question,” Toby clears his throat, Emily not answering but listening. “Do you blame her for this?”

“No,” her response comes quick, being positive about the thought. “She was in the dark as much as I was. I’d like to blame her, but no. I can’t put that on her shoulders.”

“Good.”

“I guess.”

“I really wish I knew what to tell you,” Toby makes a face, more so at himself. “I’m happy you trust me with this, though.”

“I trust you with everything,” Emily looks at him. “Sometimes I just think it’s best if I deal with things, on my own.”

“I’d be down a punching bag if you dealt with this on your own,” the joke gets a tiny chuckle from Emily, the sound dying down immediately after, only to invite a wave of silence between the two. 

They both think of what to say, a slight awkwardness filling the area because, although Toby wants to help her figure things out, he knows it’s pretty impossible since this seems more like an internal issue than anything. Emily, on the other hand, wants to share the fact that Alison invited her over tonight and, really, knows she should tell Toby so she can ask for his advice, but her tongue twists and she struggles. Unlike the past few days, however, it doesn’t take much fighting until she’s able to push herself to confide in her friend, her voice reserved.

“She wants me to come over tonight.”

He appears stunned but relaxes his posture within seconds, “Are you going to go over?”

“Should I?” they both stare at the floor.

“Do you want to?”

“Yes,” it’s whispered, but Toby feels impressed at her immediate admission.

“Then you should.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“I feel like, if I see her, I’m going to be done for,” Emily rolls her eyes, more so at herself, and huffs.

“You really like this girl, don’t you?” Toby halfheartedly teases, a subtle smirk across his mouth.

She turns her head toward him, tilting it partly and giving him a look that asks, “really?” His entertained features deepen although Emily looks away with a mocking face, his question ultimately being answered when the brunette only responds with silence.

“I don’t know,” out of nowhere, Toby sighs with a light tone. “I think you’ve got yourself into a sticky situation.”

“It’s not like I wanted to,” she mumbles.

“No, I know. Trust me.”

“You sound so sure again,” it holds an underlying accusation as Emily stares at Toby, her friend facing her after a moment and pausing while thinking of how to explain himself.

“I am,” she watches him nod. “Let’s face it… this is a whole lot deeper than you bargained for, but it’s somehow drawing you in instead of chasing you away, and, honestly, it’s interesting considering how you’ve handled commitment in the past.”

“Yeah, real interesting,” Emily rolls her eyes.

“Do you wish you voluntarily got yourself into this situation?” Toby’s mouth turns into a small frown, attempting to pick the brunette’s brain. “Do you wish you knew about her job at the company  _ before  _ wanting to get to know her?” 

“Kind of,” she feels bad for admitting it, she really does, but it’s true; if she had known about Alison’s position at their company beforehand, she could’ve saved herself the heartache and constant pining unless it was on  _ her  _ terms. 

“Why?”

“It’d be easier to stop caring,” Emily swallows hard while looking down, “and  _ wanting _ .”

“But you don’t want to stop, and now you have to deal with it,” his insight is convictive, Emily’s chin lifting so she’s staring at the ceiling in distress; although she’s been trying to ignore the feeling she gets when thinking about Alison, it’s becoming hard to, primarily because of last night’s address slip and the fact that she’s finally admitted to the blonde being important to her ━ regardless of what they’re going through and what’s been said.

“I can’t deal with it,” the disagreement is thin but it’s all she can muster. “Not in the way I want to, at least.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. She invited you over tonight, didn’t she?” Toby continues to pry, this time an encouraging smile tugging at one corner of his mouth.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean much.”

“It means she’s not ignoring whatever you two have.”

“But it’s not like we can do anything about it,” Emily turns to her friend, visibly distraught.

“I’m just saying, leave your mind open,” Toby raises his eyebrows. “Listen to what she has to say and  _ then  _ decide whether or not you want to continue sulking and taking violent aggression out on punching bags.”

Emily lets his words sink in, pushing them deep into her brain in hopes that she retains the advice because, God, she’ll need it to get through the evening. In fact, she already has no idea how she’s going to keep herself sane prior to her visit with Alison. She’ll probably pace herself out before even leaving, the remnants of energy being scarce while coming face to face with the blonde who’s been on her mind for nearly a week ━ but maybe that’s ideal; perhaps, if she’s drained, she’ll be more passive once shit tumbles downhill.

Okay, but what if it doesn’t? What if, by some gift from above, Alison’s choices positivity effect Emily? The brunette shifts her jaw as Toby sits quietly, Emily knowing there’s a slim chance of anything happy coming out of tonight’s visit even though it’s not entirely ruled out. But, then again, who’s to say Emily  _ wants  _ things to work out between them? Sure, she feels like she’s a smitten high-schooler again, but, quite frankly, Alison’s words  _ stung  _ and, deep down, will she be able to bite her tongue when they undoubtedly try to confront the issue tonight? Emily sighs, Toby side-eyeing her as the girl slowly tilts her chin upward again, pulling on the bottom part of the bench so the muscles in her arms feel like they’re being stretched.

“What do you think I should do?” 

“Regardless of what happens tonight?” he purses his lips while squinting, staring ahead of them at nothing in particular. “I think you should chase her. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in your position so, possibly, I have no idea what either of you have to lose, but… I don’t think  _ anything  _ is worth missing out on a potential lifetime of happiness.”

She’s heavily conflicted, chewing her inner cheek.

“I don’t want you to miss out on that happiness because of something you  _ could’ve  _ done but didn’t, okay?” Toby looks at her again, pleading. “I don’t want Alison to, either. She seems sweet.”

Ducking her head, Emily tries to cover up the small, forming smile on her face by clearing her throat, but it doesn’t help completely and, in turn, she rubs her lips together.

“She’ll decide what’s worth more to her, sooner or later,” he finishes after a pause.

“What if she doesn’t?” a lone worry trips out of her mouth. “What if she’s just as confused as I am for…  _ forever _ , and she never does anything about it?”

“Be patient with her,” he shifts along the bench. “I know that’s hard for you, but be patient. You already know she’s different.”

She studies the floor beneath her feet.

“But, Em,” his voice takes on a shaky tint, “you have to be prepared for her to possibly decide that her job is what she needs to be happy. I may not agree with it and I doubt you will, either, but it’s her life and she deserves whatever kind of happiness she decides to pursue.” 

“I know,” the brunette breathes in. “You’re right.”

“Good luck, though,” Emily watches him smile with a teasing nature, wanting to roll her eyes and throw up at the same time. “With your date-night, I mean.”

“Yeah, I know what you meant,” she pushes her boxing gloves into his abs, Toby grunting at the force. “Ass.”

 

X X X

 

Emily mentally talks to herself whilst standing in a metal elevator, centuries (or so it feels like) passing as her legs shake ━ or, again, so it feels. She fixes her shirt as she waits, having opted to go with a long-sleeve and perhaps oversized, grey t-shirt since it’s moderately chilly outside while the rain begins to move into the city, matched with blue jeans and some simple sneakers. Overall, she feels like she underdressed but, then again, what is she even expecting from this visit?

“Okay,” the preparation is cut short when the elevator dings, albeit it only had to skip two floors at what felt like the slowest-possible rate.

As she exits the shiny box, the doors slide closed behind her which basically signifies that she can’t escape immediately after reaching Alison’s floor, and the crumpled note is pulled from her jean pocket while she readies herself to discover which is the blonde’s apartment. Turns out, however, Emily doesn’t need her address at all, seeing as though there are only three doors scattered around the wide, dark-wooded hallway, one labeled with the word  _ “laundry” _ and another dubbed  _ “emergency exit.” _ The third, however, is the one which Emily is looking for, causing her heart to sink a bit further into her chest because the unexpected is terrifying ━ and, this time, it isn’t thrilling in the least bit.

Nevertheless, the brunette psyches herself up to the task once more, hoping to claw together some makeshift confidence even though her insides are about to crumble into nothingness. Approaching the door as the clock strikes 7:07 P.M., Emily bites her inner cheek until it’s nearly raw, the newfound habit burning the skin in her mouth for days whenever it opens again and again. She winces before finally knocking on the door, noting its white color and stainless steel, decorative doorknob while the apartment number is stenciled out of a silver plaque, being burned through whatever material to make it appear 3-D as it juts out from the wall.

Actually, the whole building was beautiful as Emily pulled up, raising her eyebrows because it grew to be intimidating pretty quickly; if the brunette wasn’t already aware of the girl’s importance in the workfield, she  _ definitely  _ would after seeing where she lives, Alison’s apartment being located in an expensive (housing-wise) area within the city. In total, the complex contains four floors with a larger number of apartments, Alison’s level being her own whereas the others ━ aside from the one above ━ are split. On the inside, hardwood lines the floor whereas most sconces are metal-based for a chic appearance, the walls being painted white with little to no shine visible as you walk past them. The fact that the apartment building has an elevator is also a dead giveaway when it comes to cost, Emily muses with raised eyebrows, seeing as though most complexes lack the engineering and spending. 

Ten seconds pass but Emily believes that, if she’d look at her phone, the time would be ready to hit 7:09 P.M., so she crosses her arms while staring at the floor beneath her feet. Her posture looks impatient even though it’s mostly formed from anxiety, her breathing shallow as the air around her grows thinner. She hears a rustle of movement behind the door, causing her to pause everything ━ including her tendency to blink ━ while the reforming silence strangles her throat. Without a warning, the door opens as Emily’s mouth automatically drops a tiny bit, appearing as if she’s surprised that Alison answered her own door ━ a look which the blonde picks up on.

“Were you expecting someone else?” Emily can’t tell if the girl is teasing her or not, Alison’s eyes narrowed as she opens the door further so the brunette can pass.

She notes Emily’s hesitation, acting like the threshold is the border to some, deranged dimension in space, but, once Alison’s demeanor softens in obvious understanding, the brunette shakes her head and passes with a deep breath that, if it spoke, would say, “let’s get this over with.” 

Alison nods, more so to herself, when she doesn’t hear a greeting whatsoever ━ not that she was really expecting cheeriness ━ and gingerly closes the door once they’re both inside. Her fingers rest on the lock, twitching against the metal hook when she realizes that she probably shouldn’t seal the door shut because, judging by Emily’s attitude, she isn’t planning on staying long. It disappoints Alison, sure, but it’s understandable.

Sighing and forcing her shoulders to relax, Alison turns around to face Emily but discovers that the girl is far too enwrapped in the apartment’s aesthetic, her eyes roaming the room with undivided attention. 

Alison smiles and feels something fluttering in her stomach, immediately forcing the growing emotions to leave by taking a huge, inaudible breath and bowing her head, quietly shuffling away from where she previously stood by the door.

As the blonde moves further into the room, careful not to disturb the other girl, Emily admires the space. It’s covered in greys and whites, the room looking straight out of a modern-day magazine as it’s been clearly renovated. It was probably, formerly some type of small factory, Emily muses while looking at the pipes near the high ceiling. She purses her lips, glancing at the couches and pillows. Although the mainspace of the apartment doesn’t look the most warm, Emily can appreciate the fact that it’s Alison’s stamp of personality.

_ Alison _ .

Emily suddenly feels like a deer caught in headlights, spinning around to see Alison watching her with no expression covering her features. The brunette’s mouth opens, not knowing what to say but, before she can  _ try  _ to think of something, she hears herself point out, “You really meant it when you said your office reminds you of your apartment.”

Feeling like the biggest idiot, Emily’s eyes dart away as they float toward the ceiling once more, Alison doing the same and pressing her tongue to her inner cheek. She flatly hums, “Hm, yeah,” while facing in a different direction, Emily taking the chance to peer at Alison through a side-eyeing focus because, although this apartment may “show off” the blonde’s decorating decision, it doesn’t seem like she enjoys what she’s chosen ━ but, like the other day in the girl’s office, maybe Emily’s simply hearing things.

“Do you want anything to drink, or eat, or… something?” Alison feels awkward asking, but, on the other hand, she senses a strange comfortability with the girl in front of her so, on the surface, a faint smile is shown.

“Um, no thanks,” Emily tucks her lower lip between her teeth once the words are in the air, trying to remind herself of her conversation with Toby about how she should give Alison a chance but, now that they’re less than ten feet apart, she’s finding it to be much more difficult. 

“You can sit, if you’d like,” the offer is given, Emily turning toward one of the couches and all but burning a hole through it with her unwavering stare.

She eventually focuses on Alison again, leaving their eye contact to last merely a second before nodding and reluctantly walking over to the loveseat to carefully sit down. Alison follows suit but gets situated on the longer couch adjacent to Emily, a good, five feet of space filling the diagonal gap between them while the brunette is just barely perched on the edge of the cushion, knees parted slightly with her clasped hands resting atop. The blonde studies her evident apprehension, the sight being roughly reminding of their situation and, as a result, her eyes drift down to the rug that’s strewn throughout the “sitting area” of her living space.

“Alison, why am I here?” her tiredness makes her voice strained.

“I wanted to talk to you,” Alison’s response is timid, resembling someone with sheer vulnerability.

“About what?” Emily raises her eyebrows and speaks like she’s rehearsed the conversation she had with Alison in that stark-white office, completely (and intentionally) ignoring the girl’s gentle nature because, if she lets her guard down, who knows what will happen.

“Don’t be like that, please.”

“I’m seriously asking,” much to her dismay, her words shake and she seals her lips while turning away.

Alison hears the sound of Emily’s resolve crumbling, not wanting to mention it but also feeling the need to take note of the change. Her eyes bore into the brunette’s temple, wanting to peek inside her brain and study everything that makes her tick ━ and happy, if she’s being honest.

“About what happened almost a week ago,” she decides to be genuine, knowing they should nip the conversation in the ass regardless of how they feel about it.

Emily wants to laugh and accuse the girl of only having the desire to discuss important matters when it’s on her terms, but the lack of energy within her body doesn’t stir any further, leaving her to slump her arms in her lap as her palms turn upward above her knees. 

“What’s there to talk about?” she stares into icy eyes, the mixed, good-bad sensation causing her to stand up because her anxiousness begins to rise once more. 

Alison, seeing this, partly rolls her eyes because, as soon as she goes to open her mouth, Emily is ranting with a weird, not-her-normal tone.

“We met, we flirted, you practically kissed me, and you turned out to be my new boss,” her ramblings are even-tempered, a sad smile finishing it once she faces the blonde like prior. “That pretty much sums it up, don’t you think?”

Alison shifts her jaw with a twisted grin, the burning sensation of being scorned drilling through her chest even though she’s trying to be as understanding as she can be. Emily, however, doesn’t seem to want to understand  _ her  _ side and that ━  _ alone  _ ━ is frustrating. She stands up so she’s level with the girl who’s already beginning to walk over to the door, Alison taking the opposite route and casually rounding the couch so they’re seven feet away, nothing but empty space between them.

“I just think we need to discuss it,” once she’s at a standstill with Emily rubbing her forehead near the door, Alison tilts her head to the side and wears pleading eyes.

Emily blinks hard at the thought of “discussing” it, feeling like there’s not much else to say because their options are either: 1) fuck the rules and find out more about each other, or 2) comprehend that there’s nothing they can do and simply… walk away. Alison waits, picking up on the internal struggle and not wanting to disrupt it. That doesn’t stop her from whispering an abrupt “Please,” however, and Emily so-desperately tries to hold onto everything Toby told her to do: listen, be patient, and understand. 

She feels the concepts slipping through her fingers, not being able to stop herself from asking, “Is it between me and Alison, or me and Ms. DiLaurentis?” with a smoothness that’s usually deemed seductive.

Alison automatically tastes the subtle flavor of malice in her question, initially feeling upset and targeted by the words because she’s been trying as hard as she can to stay even-tempered with Emily but it’s not working out. She sees that the brunette’s quiet outburst confused herself, Emily going to express what could be an apology with regretful features, but only gets as far as “Alison━” before she’s cut off by the blonde in mention.

“Are you threatened by me?” Alison’s eyes narrow in cold suspicion, a part of her preying on Emily and approaching at a slow rate while the brunette turns her body so they’re almost moving in a small, deliberate circle.

“What?” she chokes out with a laugh, blatantly entertained but annoyed at the same time.

“I've noticed that you tend to bring up the fact that I'm your boss when you get defensive, and I can’t help but wonder if you’re threatened by my work position being higher than yours,” by the end of her accusation, Alison’s voice lightens in a “maybe yes, maybe no” kind of way. 

Emily crosses her arms while shifting her jaw and deciding against playing the girl’s game any further, “Why would I be threatened by that? I barely like  _ my  _ job, as it is.”

Alison stops when she’s merely a foot away, hands on her hips with her head tilted. She looks into curious eyes, the color holding a massive amount of feeling and confusion.

“But you believe that, if I wasn’t your boss, we’d have a chance,” the blonde whispers and reveals Emily’s internal thoughts, partly catching her off-guard even though her expression doesn’t show it. 

Alison cautiously continues, “You think something could happen between us if I didn’t have a lot of responsibility within the company.”

Emily wants to deny it; she wants to narrow her eyes like Alison had done a minute prior, smile grossly, and point fingers in the other girl’s direction for  _ wanting  _ something to happen between them. Her other option ━ the a-little-more-realistic one ━ is to turn around and walk out of Alison’s apartment without offering any sort of reply, and, honestly, Emily wonders if that’s her best bet. After all, she’s never been one to flat-out admit to something she’s been accused of, but the empathetic, “I’m right there with you” sparkle in Alison’s eyes nudges her to stay and talk ━ perhaps to hopefully become something better than what they have been.

Finally, with a dumbfounded, sad laugh, Emily reluctantly asks, “Don’t you?” and Alison audibly breathes out like she wasn’t expecting the answer, letting her arms slump at her sides while her eyes dart away.

And maybe she  _ wasn’t  _ expecting Emily to admit to anything, come to think of it; it’s not like the brunette’s been all that receptive when it comes to emotions and, although Alison only knew her for minutes before she made that accurate guess, the blonde seems to be amazing at reading people. Emily doesn’t open up to many people, let alone those who she initially only finds attractive, and Alison clearly picked up on that but, instead of running away, the blonde exposed the truth and it unshelled the girl who became more and more interested in the person she met at Heroes’. 

“Alison,” the brunette whispers, “you know, as well as I do, that the only thing stopping us from… doing  _ whatever  _ is your title,” she tries, all irritation lost because the girl in front of her looks so vulnerable and, admittedly, she feels it too.

“It doesn’t matter what I know,” is the initial answer that follows, Alison biting her inner cheek. “This is my job, Emily. Whether or not I’m new at it… I know what’s expected of me and who I have to be to get it done.”

Emily licks her lips in thought, “Is the person you have to be different from the girl I met almost a week ago?”

“Maybe,” Alison shrugs with an upset smile on her face, not knowing what to do.

“And you’re willing to ignore me at work just so you can ‘get the job done’?” her frustration reignites, memories smacking into her as she recalls their first few days at the office together.

“I’m not ignoring you,” she narrows her eyes, voice cracking when she speaks. “You're the one ignoring  _ me _ .”

“You walked past me on your first day like I was some fuckboy from college!” realistically, she wants to mention Friday’s event with the blonde’s blatant jealousy, but something compels her to leave it alone because, truly, being ignored feels far worse ━ especially after a night she never wants to forget even though Alison pretended to.

“I didn’t know what to do,” her excuse is simple but Emily can hear the twinge of pain in her words. “I━I saw you there, and… what was I supposed to do?” 

“React! Frown, smile,  _ something _ !” Emily walks a few steps away, rubbing her head as Alison turns her palms upward in an irritated, “seriously?” type of way.

“Wouldn’t that have bothered you more?” staying in place, she watches the girl begin to walk back and forth.

“No,” it sounds forced, “at least I would’ve known that I didn’t just dream of meeting you the night before.”

Alison’s posture relaxes, a shade of guilt covering her demeanor as she approaches the girl who continues to semi-pace the living room; on Friday, once she basically told Emily that she didn’t remember their Monday night together, a sense of regret coursed through her body and she wanted to follow the girl to say she didn’t mean it but, obviously, that couldn’t have been done. 

“Emily━” as soon as she goes to speak after a moment of thinking, the brunette interrupts.

“And,” a curt laugh exits her throat, “ _ then _ you make me feel like an absolute ass for apologizing to you for what I figured you were regretting.”

The blonde knew Friday’s words stung even though that wasn’t her intention; she panicked, in simple terms, and figured the girl only looked at her as a past “maybe” instead of a future “yes, please,” regardless of how she, herself, feels about Emily ━ and that’s… deeper than she’d like or cares to own up to. Now, she notices the impact that her reluctance has had on Emily, feeling the need to explain herself even more. 

“Em━” she tries again, being cut off by the impending rant while standing two feet away from Emily who almost talks to herself in distress.

“Apologies don’t come easy for me, okay? I don’t know why. Maybe I’m a shitty person for not being able to say I’m sorry in cases where I probably should, but I figured that you deserved one,” Emily rambles and Alison presses her tongue to her inner cheek, waiting for a moment to open her mouth. “I don’t know why whatever-it-is pushed me into confronting you about something  _ I  _ don’t regret, but I guess it doesn’t matter since you’re going to act like nothing happened any━”

Her lips are sealed with a hard, desperate kiss, Alison’s nails nearly digging into the skin of her upper neck while her hands move to the blonde’s hips in an absentminded motion.

Emily wants to hum into the kiss but she’s too afraid to, not knowing if Alison meant to all but clasp their bodies together through a snap of passion and desire, so her fingers only gingerly drag along the blonde’s hips through her shirt while reveling in the sensation of gentle, soft lips moving against hers. To her surprise, Alison’s hands move to the back of her neck with an apprehensive nature, the pads of her fingers gliding along her skin until they somewhat tangle in her hair. The feeling causes Emily to hold onto her hips more than before, finally putting pressure on the area and dragging her hands upward once they’re both far too lost in the lip-lock. Their mouths clash occasionally, wanting more of each other in such a short period of time as Emily feels the girl’s tongue drag along her lower lip for a split second until they’re kissing on a new level.

It isn’t until a satisfied sound exits Alison’s throat that blue eyes flutter open and she breaks the embrace ━ albeit she does it timidly, brushing her nose against Emily’s a final time before carefully undoing herself from the brunette and backing up with an opened mouth and speechless features, hands falling from her waist.

The girl in front of her waits for something, seeing the negative attitude strengthen to the point of becoming nearly tangible. Alison, after a long pause of no reaction or attempt at saying anything, finally mutters, “I’m sorry,” and Emily narrows her eyes while silently questioning her.

Alison feels nervous to look into brown, wondering eyes ━ a gaze that  _ begs  _ her to not say she takes back what just happened. She imagines her own lower lip quivering, feeling like she’s going to break down because this really  _ wasn’t  _ supposed to happen; she should’ve never fallen in love with a job that now adds an impossible stipulation to the one relationship ━ or “almost” relationship ━ that she held an interest in developing. Fuck, before her first day at work, she was even thinking about going back to the bar time and time again until she found Emily, solely because she wanted to take a chance even if that only lead to sex and/or a good time teasing each other. Now? After what just happened, it’s beyond complicated and the thought makes her take a deep breath and look away, ready to shield herself from whatever reaction the brunette’s going to throw at her.

“That shouldn’t have happened.”

Emily halfheartedly rolls her eyes with a dark, breathy chuckle being given, “Of course it shouldn’t have.” 

Alison’s eyes slam shut as she hangs her head and feels cornered, constantly understanding the girl’s point of view but knowing she can’t do much about it. When she peers up at Emily just barely, the brunette is staring at her with pursed lips and a clenched jaw, her arms semi-swinging by her sides as if she’s trying to distract herself from being overly upset.

It doesn’t work, realistically, and Emily mutters, “I knew you’d regret it,” with a broken smile, backing up and moving toward the door at a slow but solid rate.

Seeing her walking away, Alison carefully follows in a final attempt to patch things up before whatever-the-fuck happens next, giving her a soft “Emily, you don’t have to leave.”

Emily stops where she’s standing in front of the door, bowing her head and wanting to press it against the barrier because, fuck, the underlying invitation to just hang around in the girl’s apartment is enticing ━ no matter if they even  _ spoke  _ during the extended, probably awkward-as-hell visit ━ but her heart feels sore and it beats slowly, causing her to cautiously turn around to face Alison again.

“Yes I do,” she senses her jaw tightening, her throat threatening to close up ━ or so it seems. “Maybe I’ll find someone new to stare at,” she can’t stop the added words from escaping her lips, being unwavering and audibly shattered. 

Alison’s lips part as she crosses her arms where she stands, still understanding and taking the jabs one by one but also appearing wounded because she didn’t intend for any of this to happen when she invited Emily over. Actually, she has no idea what she thought would happen but, in her mind, it was way better than this.

Emily notices Alison’s shrunken-back attitude, sensing her impending guilt getting ready to bite her in the ass, so she lowers her voice and whispers, “I’ll see you at work,” before getting one final, good look at the blonde who doesn’t want to make full eye contact with her, afterwards opening the door and closing it behind her body.

_ “But, Em, you have to be prepared for her to possibly decide that her job is what she needs to be happy. I may not agree with it and I doubt you will, either, but it’s her life and she deserves whatever kind of happiness she decides to pursue.” _

_ “I know. You’re right.” _

Yeah, Emily sadly shakes her head as she forces herself away from Alison’s door; easier said than done. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said it before and I'll say it again: It's a dangerous game that we play.
> 
> We'll deal with the elephant in the room, first: This situation is tricky. I mean, I'm not living it, but I don't think I have to in order to know that it's excruciatingly difficult. Clearly, on Alison's side, there's so much deep-rooted conflict that her impulses are trying to push away the thoughts that say she can't be with Emily, and occasionally they win ━ hence the kiss ━ but the negative energy finds a way to pull her back each time. Throughout the opening five (technically four) chapters, we've seen her mind cycle in a constantly loop of "This isn't fair" and it's unknown if that claiming is about the situation, in general, or at her own, negative thoughts that are saying it's wrong. Frankly, something is holding her back, and we have yet to read about it.
> 
> From Emily's vantage point… it's hard to be someone who doesn't want to settle down, and somebody else finally changes that, only to leave you hanging with a kiss that comes out of absolute nowhere. It stings, and she feels like she's being pulled back and forth ━ rightfully so, in a way, even though she continues to react with words that she knows will attack Alison ━ especially out of knowledge that the girl can get jealous easily. Even at the beginning of their apartment meet-up, Emily asks, "Is it between me and Alison, or me and Ms. DiLaurentis?" because she's fully aware that her "boss" wishes she'd be more personal with her rather than professional, and it's no-doubt a defense mechanism ━ as Alison pointed out ━ which will be brought up again; Alison may realize that Emily uses it to bite back, but Emily has yet to realize it. All in all, neither of these girls are mature enough right now, which is why their sudden kiss didn't magically fix things no matter how hard we wish it did; Alison is too involved with her paranoia, they're both stubborn as hell, and Emily handles things like a teenage girl while lashing out. Jeez, kiddos.
> 
> Toby's importance when it comes to Emily's voice in her head is imperative to us moving forward; the line, "But, Em, you have to be prepared for her to possibly decide that her job is what she needs to be happy. I may not agree with it and I doubt you will, either, but it's her life and she deserves whatever kind of happiness she decides to pursue," is beyond impactful because of it's heaviness and truth. Emily certainly needed to hear it and, although she didn't exactly follow through this time, it'll stick with her throughout the story. Good.
> 
> Toby, as an individual, is also someone to pay heavy attention to; something you'll be able to see later is that Toby is to Emily what CeCe is to Alison. Definitely not erasing their other friends because, trust me, they have some really strong moments (Mona included), but these two friendships ask the hard, complex questions. Toby makes Emily face things she doesn't want to whereas CeCe does the same because she knows how to outsmart Alison, creating some of my favorite dialogue ━ and, yes, I know I've said that like… thirty times already. The "Tobily" relationship is probably the most sibling-like, and his wisdom/existence is key to Emily's ultimate improvement because he knows when to be gentle with her while also knowing how to show her tough love in the correct situations; Toby knows how to get under her skin and figure out what's wrong, and he's probably my biggest advice outlet in this fic.
> 
> Congratulations! You've made it through five, Mona-less chapters! This means you won't have to wait any longer for a Mona/Emily encounter, and she, too, brings some severe wisdom for our favorite, stubborn character ━ well, one of them. She may also give Emily a swift kick in the ass (okay, metaphorically) so we can get this show on the road. Finally, we all groan.
> 
> With all that being said (I talk way too much, I know), I'll see you soon. Again, for those in troubling times right now (not only natural disasters, but also personal conflicts), you're in my thoughts and I hope you understand that you're not alone, even if it may feel like it right now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tuesdays are so random and that's my reason for updating.
> 
> I mean, not that I really need a reason because I'm sure all of you (or at least the majority) enjoy getting those e-mail notifications that I've posted again. There can never be too much Emison, right?
> 
> Following last chapter, I received a few concerned reviews regarding Emison's progress and how I'm delaying their positive ending. Those are fair worries, yes, but I want to say something: No one can tell me (with raw honesty) that they've never gone through a battle to progress further in their life, nor can they tell me they haven't made any mistakes or handled things in a way they now regret. I'm not here to sugarcoat real-life situations just because we want Emison, no matter how much I'd like to. My writing is always resulting from harsh scenarios that aren't usually fluffy. However, I told you guys that there'd be some things you'll disagree with, so I'll take those disagreements with a head nod because I'm sure there will be even more in the future. Don't worry, though; I'd never give you a 90% angsty fic with a 10% happiness rate. That's not fair whatsoever. I stress what I said before, on the other hand: If you came for a quick Emison fix, this isn't the story to read. It's worth it, though, and I do hope you stick around to see that.
> 
> Nownownow, it's time for the Mona show.
> 
> Sorry, I meant… the newest installation of this fic.

The thick scent of rain fills Emily’s nostrils as she tugs her zip-up hoodie tighter around her torso, halfheartedly hugging herself while walking along the sidewalk. It’s not pouring but the forecast has called for moderate drizzling all day prior to the current hour: seven o’clock. Adding onto the dreary sensation she’s been being hit with since she woke up is the fact that it’s only Tuesday, meaning she has to get through three more workdays until she can relax ━ unless some gift from hell smacks her in the face during that time, as well.

Alright, fine; the day hasn’t been  _ that  _ bad. In fact, it’s been… okay, and it’s all thanks to Emily’s phone ringing early this morning, just to show her an unknown number. When she (hesitantly) answered, her creased forehead altered before she was smiling heavily, feeling half-stunned, half-thankful when her father’s voice flowed through the speaker with a cheery _ “Good morning, sweetheart.” _

Their conversation was short, mainly revolving around what’s been happening (on both ends) as of late, but Emily memorized every second of it ━ just like always. Initially, after her father finished explaining where he’s been and why he hasn’t called, Emily took a moment to breathe, followed by sharing about her recent endeavors ━ A.K.A. not much. She attempted to stray away from discussing work too much in detail, only giving answers including her infamous response:  _ “Work is work.”  _ He pried repeatedly for different topics, questioning Hanna and Aria’s whereabouts while even asking about Toby once or twice. What Emily didn’t expect, however, is for her father to ask about her love life ━ even though, really, she probably should’ve prepared herself for it because it was bound to happen, at some point.

_ “What’s her name?” _

_ “Alison,” the answer is nearly whispered, the blonde’s name rolling off her tongue like it’s sweet enough to hide the massive stickiness beneath the surface. _

_ “Tell me about her,” Emily smiles at his enthusiasm, hearing his voice come through as smooth as ever. _

_ “There’s not much to tell, really,” she shifts on the cushion she’s sitting on, staring out the window where the early-morning sun usually peaks. “We only hung out…” her mouth opens and closes briefly, shaking her head, “twice, and… I don’t know. I think I’ve just gotten attached too quickly.” _

_ “Why do you think that?” _

_ “Because I… I have no idea,” Emily sighs. “I guess I just have a feeling.” _

_ “I thought I taught you to be optimistic,” Mr. Fields teases over the line, his daughter laughing and rolling her eyes before she takes a deep breath. _

_ “I’m trying.” _

_ “I know, I know,” she hears him hum. “What are you most worried about?” _

_ At first, she takes a moment to think. Her eyes stare through the glass of her apartment window, now standing near the wall while studying the tired people who tread the sidewalks below.  _

_ What is she worried about, really? All this time… she’s mostly been putting herself down because she knows that nothing with Alison could (potentially) happen, but what if, by some miracle, they actually ended up together? That’s still terrifying. She hasn’t been in a solid relationship for however-long ━ at least not a healthy one ━ and who knows if she’s even dateable.  _

_ Emily sighs, shaking her head and rubbing her eye while holding the phone with her other hand; she knows what she’s worried about. _

_ “What if I mess up?” she whispers. “I think I already have, but…” _

_ “You probably will, but that’s life,” Emily imagines her father shrugging, wishing they were having this conversation somewhere in the park instead of with a huge, body of water between them.  _

_ Wayne knowingly continues, “You have to mess up at one point or another. It’s essential. It stinks, but…” he pauses, “you’ll never mess up to the point of not being able to fix what’s been done. Accept it, leave your regrets behind, stay even-tempered, and learn from whatever’s happened.” _

_ Emily shifts her jaw, wondering if that advice holds true to what happened two days ago when she visited Alison’s apartment. After she had left the blonde with so much as a bundle of harsh words and upset facial expressions, her heart was pounding even though, simultaneously, it felt so cold in her chest. She imagined Alison crying over what happened, or perhaps throwing something in anger, followed by wondering if the girl simply… didn’t care ━ and maybe that’s what hurt the most. The brunette, later that night, cried on her own time. It wasn’t much ━ in fact, it was likely only a tear or two before she slapped her face and distracted herself with some TV ━ but it was her first time in a while allowing a wave of emotions to bite her in the ass. Overall, however, she was far more concerned with Alison, thinking about the blonde until she fell asleep around four in the morning ━ only a handful of hours before waking up for work where she’d see that the blonde must’ve gotten a small amount of sleep, likewise. _

_ “What if I ruin everything?” Emily finally asks, her voice holding sadness because, honestly, she believes she already has. “There’s no coming back from that.” _

_ You can’t stop something that never started, she internally reminds herself, but a part of her mental thought process reminds her of the kiss she shared with Alison and how warm and happy the blonde felt, at the time ━ and Emily could sense it, remembering feeling the girl’s body relax against hers as if it’s what she was waiting for. _

_ “Emmy,” her nickname snaps her back into the conversation, “I think you’re focusing more on proving yourself worthy to this girl rather than proving it to yourself, in the first place. You need to work on that.”  _

_ She bites her inner cheek. _

_ He’s right. _

_ “You, too, deserve happiness and I trust you’ll remember that,” Wayne finishes with a smile that she can picture, just from the tone of his voice. _

_ “I know,” the brunette pushes herself to breathe properly, relaxing her shoulders because, sometime during their conversation, they decided to tense up ━ something that’s been happening a lot, recently. _

_ “Whoever this girl is, she sounds important to you.” _

_ “I barely know her,” Emily bows her head. _

_ “That doesn’t matter. My assumption still stands.” _

_ Her mouth slowly yet surely begins to curve into a gentle smile, looking childlike, and now she’s glad her apartment is free of guests because her appearance all but screams that she’s smitten as all hell. Emily bites her lower lip in a failed attempt to stop the hopeful look spreading across her features, but the emotions stirring in her stomach are too strong and she nods, more so to herself.  _

_ “She is.” _

_ “Good,” Mr. Fields gets out a quiet, admirable laugh. “Hold onto that. Whatever happens, just know I’m proud of you and I hope to someday meet her.” _

Emily has to stop herself from smiling as she walks along the sidewalk in the rain, also shaking her head because, seriously, why the hell did she choose to go to the cafe on foot? The conversation with her father undoubtedly caused her to feel a bit more at-ease about things, missing his constant advice and him ━ in general ━ dearly, but getting a sense of overall lightness from hearing his voice again. They even discussed their future family dinners and a holiday or two, reminiscing on the times they had together and the hope for new memories ━ with Alison, he wouldn’t stop saying. Emily smiles again, remembering his voice as he said,  _ “I love you, Kid. Stay happy, okay?” _ before they begrudgingly ended the call.

Briefly looking to the left as she moves against the pavement, her eyes catch sight of Alison’s apartment complex, immediately feeling her heart nearly stop within the confines of her chest because all she wants to do is run across the street and head up to the girl’s place to rant about everything that’s been on her mind since Sunday evening.

She wanted to do the same thing yesterday, too. At the start of her Monday, Emily was already dreading going to work due to what happened the night prior, but, of course, unfortunate priorities forced her out of bed and downtown to the building she (sometimes) calls home. The elevator ride seemed longer than usual, not wanting to step out of the metal box in case Alison was somewhere in the area but, then again, she strangely wanted to see the girl’s face. Instead, however, the floor seemed deader than normal and her feet softly dragged along the office’s carpet until she threw her bag onto her desk. Weirdly enough, the whole floor didn’t seem brightened like it usually does, and she turned to the left to see no lights on in Alison’s office. On sight, she frowned, hoping no one saw the expression before she cleared her throat and turned to find her two friends staring at her with expressions that roughly said, “hey, I hate mornings.” 

_ “What were you up to last night?” Aria asks Emily, Hanna pursing her lips while waiting for some new, scandalous information that she can chew on. _

_ She hums, squinting one eye, “I… didn’t do much of anything, actually. I ordered food and watched movies.” _

_ “Alone?” _

_ Emily makes a “seriously?” face at the two, Hanna raising her eyebrows while saying, “Ah, yes… the ‘new-and-improved’ Emily Fields.” _

_ As they remain in their small, three-person huddle, Alison mindlessly walks past the group, set on unlocking her office with a body language that seems absolutely exhausted. Hanna is first to notice, turning around when Alison is four feet away from them, and she forcibly frowns with an obviously sad “No ‘goodmorning’?”  _

_ The voice must have snapped Alison out of whatever trance, the girl stopping in her tracks before looking around to see who said it, finally having her dark-circled eyes land on Hanna with a quiet “Oh, sorry.” _

_ Aria and Hanna share a look, Emily only studying Alison’s posture and hoping the girl’s evident tiredness isn’t her fault ━ but, realistically, it is and she knows it. She stares at Alison with an underlying, apologetic attitude, falling quiet as no one knows where to look because the atmosphere feels like it’s about to collapse onto the floor. Emily locks eyes with Alison out of nowhere, the blue color seeming colder than usual ━ not in an angry way, but maybe regretful or simply… done. She nods at her boss even though, on the other hand, she wants to hug Alison. _

_ Emily’s mouth opens to say something, almost spilling the words “I’m sorry,” but she only gets as far as a silent “I━” before Alison mutters, “Have a nice day, everyone,” and walks into her office. _

_ Once she’s out of earshot, Hanna’s eyes widen and she shakes her head quickly, turning her back to Alison’s office so she can whisper, “Okay, is it just me, or is she acting… Mr. Riley-ish today?” _

_ “I wouldn’t go that far,” Aria intervenes. _

_ “Well, I would,” Hanna argues. _

_ “Just leave her alone,” Emily hears herself snap partly, pressing her tongue to her inner cheek afterwards and taking a deep breath because that wasn’t her intention at all. _

_ She sees her friends staring at her with a variety of questions swirling in their eyes, but covers her tracks with a sigh. _

_ “I’m sorry,” her focus drifts toward Alison’s office to see the blonde already sitting in her chair, hand holding up her head as she can be seen metaphorically burning a hole through the desk beneath her eyes, “I guess I kinda feel guilty because I realize I’ve been…” she searches for a good word, “quiet. Towards her, I mean.”  _

_ “Yeah, you have,” Hanna scolds and Emily takes a deep breath, crossing her arms. “I almost felt like apologizing on your behalf.” _

_ “I don’t want to apologize to her,” her forehead creases. “I’ll just change my attitude. She doesn’t need an apology for something like that.” _

_ “Who are you to decide what behavior deserves an apology?” _

_ “Are you really going to do this with me on a Monday morning?” _

_ “Guys,” Aria interrupts with a stern voice, “if you don’t chill, I’m going to knock both of you out.” _

_ Emily and Hanna exhale, Aria’s eyes darting between her friends before she offers them a triumphant smile and a curt “Good day.”  _

But that was only the start of her Monday. Although she hadn’t spoken to Alison for the rest of the day, the blonde was (obviously) on her mind while attempting to work on her computer. She’d peer through the crack in the grey barrier occasionally, studying Alison’s movements and watching the girl either rub her forehead in distress or simply swivel back and forth in her chair. One time, unlike the others, Emily moved her chair toward the wall of her cubicle closest to Alison’s office so she could stare through the small space again, just to catch blue eyes boring into hers. She felt herself breathe out sharply, wondering if the girl could see her, but, once she realized that the crack was too small and blended in from Alison’s side, her heart rate slowed and she waited to see what the blonde’s features would reveal. In the end, it wasn’t much, though Emily could certainly understand what Alison was feeling just from the way her jaw shifted twice and her lips pursed, visibly having to force her focus elsewhere. Emily raised her eyebrows and nodded to no one in particular, carefully and quietly going back to work ━ not to say she’ll be getting an award for the assignments she “got done,” and the same goes for today’s activity. 

Following Monday’s shift, Emily decided to go for a jog, ending up where she’s walking right now: around Alison’s apartment. She doesn’t know why she decided to change her normal route yesterday ━ okay, yes she does ━ but something compelled her to stop while in front of the cafe that she’s only walked into once or twice before. Her eyes studied the wooden sign hanging above the door by a black pole and two, bulky chains, making an impressed face and smelling the fresh bakery items accompanied by coffees and specialty drinks. Much like before, almost like something had whispered in her ear, she felt something prodding at her to make a new move, her body turning in front of the cafe until she looked across the street to see Alison moving toward her apartment. Suddenly, she was stuck in the same spot with her lips parted and sweat beading along her skin, not knowing if she should run away or approach the girl who had been radio silent for ninety-seven percent of the workday.

Surprisingly (at least to Emily), Alison must have felt something similar because, within seconds, she turned her head in the brunette’s direction while still walking, her pace slowing down until she was at a complete stop once they locked eyes. Emily felt herself shaking, wondering if Alison would come to her, instead, but ultimately knew nothing was going to happen in that moment. If she was dreaming, at the time, they would’ve mutually walked toward each other like in some stupid, cheesy romance movie, purposely erasing the distance between them until they stared into mirrored, lovable eyes, only to cut off the silent, knowing conversation with a long-awaited kiss.

A car horn had broken up whatever, already-disconnected conversation they were having for those ten seconds, Alison straightening her back out just enough for Emily to see from across the street before the brunette nodded, bowed her head, and jogged away.

In real time, she catches herself standing in the same spot she had been Monday when she saw Alison ready to enter her apartment, a good portion of herself wishing the blonde would make an appearance right now. It’s too late for her to be getting home now, however, so she’s likely already doing whatever-the-fuck up in her apartment ━ unless she went out to get her mind off things, Emily semi-wonders as she raises her eyebrows and takes a turn into the cafe.

She takes a moment to brush off the water from her hoodie, her hands getting damp in the process.

“There you are,” a voice comes from a booth pressed against one of the two, front windows, Emily whipping around to see the dark-haired girl peeking out of the seat closer to the door.

Emily chuckles and walks over to where she’s sitting, sliding into the booth across from her friend as the girl smiles heavily ━ in a slightly devious way. Again, the brunette laughs and shakes her head, getting ready to ask how she’s been but, instead, is cut off rather… immediately. 

“You  _ must  _ be desperate if you asked to see me on a Tuesday night without the other girlies tagging along,” Mona teases, attitude not holding malice but complete playfulness.

She rolls her eyes with a partly apologetic grin, “It’s not like I dislike spending time with you.”

“I know,” the response is light and airy, Mona pursing her lips and nodding while squinting her eyes, “but I also know that your taste in hard lesbian culture sometimes clashes with my designer-handbag aesthetic, if you catch my drift.” 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Emily quirks an eyebrow.

“Uh, it has to do with a lot,” she retorts. “You can’t handle me and you know that, so you limit our one-on-one, hang-out seshs.”

“ _ Seshs _ ?”

“Sessions. Don’t act dumb,” Mona rolls her eyes before sipping the drink that’s been set in front of her.

Once it’s placed back down to the booth’s table, she narrows her eyes and stares at Emily in a judgmental manner, tilting her head to the side.

“Are you really going to make me drink alone? Some date you are,” her teasing never lets up, the other girl breathing out and leaning back with raised eyebrows. “No wonder you’re single.”

“I don’t know what to get,” Emily whines. “I’m tired. Don’t make me decide,” she rubs her head.

“Wow,” Mona nods, “so I’m going to guess that you invited me here to vent about something.”

“How do you figure?”

“Is that a rhetorical question?” an entertained laugh is heard. “Because I already have a list going.”

“Yes, I need advice,” she drones.

“From moi?”

“No, from the barista.”

Her response earns a deadpanned expression from Mona, shifting her jaw and looking away with a sharp yet no-funny-business “Okay, fine. What do you need, Emily?”

“I like a girl,” her blurted answer gets a big laugh from her friend, Emily frowning at the reaction.

“Honey, you’ve liked girls for… how many years, now?”

Emily waits for her to regain a serious nature, her mouth in a straight line while not blinking. Finally, when Mona seals her lips, Emily monotonously asks, “Are you done?”

“It’s not my fault you choose your words poorly.”

“Is that drink making you hyper because, if so, I’m confiscating it,” Emily points to the beverage, the girl’s hands slowly pulling it away from where she can reach. “Mona, I’m serious. I need help.”

“Alright, I’ll listen,” she raises her eyebrows in expectancy. “Shoot.”

“Okay,” Emily braces herself for what they’re about to discuss, having had her mind set on this conversation for hours now, “you’re not… close… with anyone at my company, are you?”

“Besides you, Hanna, and Aria?” squinting one eye, Mona takes a round of seconds to think, afterwards shaking her head with a solid “Nope.”

“Good,” her eyes widen as she somewhat bows her head, slumping her shoulders.

“Why?”

“I’m going to need you to pretend you’re at work for a second,” Emily begins. “I need you to give me advice from a…  _ boss’ _ perspective.” 

“Um, I’ll do my best,” the weirded-out response holds a massive amount of questions, staring at Emily curiously.

She feels conflicted, knowing she’ll likely sense a weight lifting off her chest once she talks to Mona about this but the words almost flat-out refuse to come out because, well, what if someone’s listening? What if Alison’s eavesdropping somewhere? Suddenly, her mouth opens and she looks out the window they’re sitting next to, Mona snapping her fingers across the table with an interrupting “ _ Hello _ , Emily. Come back.”

“Sorry,” shaking her head, she tries to breathe once more. 

“Ask me what you want to ask me,” the girl pries. “I won’t judge you.”

“Do you promise?”

“Yeah,” an honest nod follows.

Emily rubs her lips together and looks at her hands propped up on the table, folded at her fingers while the bottoms of her palms press against the shiny surface beneath. She feels her feet shift against the floor, her toes pressing into the ground as her legs bounce at different times. Thankfully, her legs haven’t vibrated the table yet because, if they had, Mona would’ve mentioned it by now ━ or possibly teased her about it.

It’s not that she’s anxious to tell Mona, specifically. In fact, the girl across from her is, admittedly, part of her group of best friends. They don’t see one another often and, when they do, it’s mainly with others ━ as the girl pointed out earlier ━ but Emily feels confident in trusting her ━  _ especially  _ with this type of situation, not to say she’s been in this conundrum a time prior to now.

She inhales deeply, seemingly venting to the tabletop as she mutters, “About a week ago, I met this girl. She’s…” already, her words come to a halt when an overwhelming amount of emotions smack her in the face all at once.

Feeling stuck, Emily starts over after briefly turning to the otherwise-empty cafe, “Her name is Alison.”

Mona pays attention, wearing an expression that portrays absolutely nothing distinct.

“I was Heroes’ like usual, just… hanging out, and,” a shrug interrupts the thought, “I heard this sweet voice, so I turned and, God, she was beautiful.”

Attentive eyes bore into her ducked head, Emily’s fingers tapping along the table.

“You know me,” the brunette raises her eyebrows. “I like to meet girls, but I don’t usually…”

“Fall for them?” Mona coaxes, a half-shown smirk tugging one corner of her mouth upward.

“Yeah,” Emily admits. “Alison was different. She  _ is  _ different.” 

“How?”

“She’s… I don’t know,” she wants to groan, not being able to explain herself clearly. “Interesting, but that’s not the right word. Mysterious, maybe. Warm.”

Her mouth suddenly curves at a slow rate, the happiness reaching her eyes as she remembers the word she had used at the bar, that night. 

“She has this lightness about her.”

Mona raises her eyebrows and hums in an impressed manner, nodding with an encouraging yet drawn-out “Okay…”

“That night…” an exhale is heard, brown eyes going wide for a split second. “I didn’t want it to end. I think we only sat there for an hour or so, just talking. Actually, she was teasing me for most of the time, but I’ve never felt so…  _ good _ .”

“Is this going to turn into a T.M.I. story?” 

Emily gets out a breathy chuckle, “No, no. Trust me.”

“Continue,” Mona makes a hand motion, waiting.

“I asked for her number after she tried to leave without so much as a simple goodbye, but she refused to give it to me. Not in an ‘I’m not interested’ type of way, but as if she wanted  _ me  _ to be  _ more  _ interested,” Emily stares at the table, narrowing her eyes like she’s talking more so to herself, “and, honestly… I was.”

The girl across from her feels impressed by whoever this mystery girl is, knowing that Emily doesn’t allow herself to be toyed with very often because, quite frankly, she’s acted hollow for a while.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about her,” the brunette nods, not blinking. “I barely slept that night, and I kept wondering where I’d see her again, or  _ if  _ I would.”

The next part of her story makes her take a deep breath that Mona notes, the girl’s attitude changing in a split second as it goes from dreamy to dreadful. Emily bites her inner cheek and turns away, staring through the window pressed against their booth while recalling, “And I  _ did  _ see her again, but not somewhere…”

Nibbling her lower lip, she shakes her head and lets out a dark, tiny chuckle, Mona clueless as to what’s going on while her eyes dart around the room in a confused manner.

Emily leans back on the padded seat, gaining an airy (but still disbelieving) tone while explaining, “Long story short, the day after I met Alison, I had to re-meet her… as my new floor director.” 

Her friend makes a noise that resembles something of low realization and partial disgust, annoyed on Emily’s behalf while making a “yikes” face. 

“Yeah,” raising her eyebrows, she makes a popping noise with her lips, “tell me about it.”

“So, I suppose this is where my ‘perspective’ comes in,” Emily watches Mona use air quotes since her title is almost identical to Alison’s, albeit her company deals with different things in a more-formal setting.

She nods, Mona leaning forward so her elbows are propped up on the table. Emily, in the meantime, looks around the cafe to make sure no one is eavesdropping, still feeling on-edge about these circumstances even though the only, other person in the small establishment is an older man who’s been walking back and forth between the counter and backroom for fifteen minutes. 

“Have you two gotten the chance to discuss anything?” is her first question, and it causes Emily to flash back to Sunday evening, a sense of regret falling over her skin and bones ━ not to mention her guts and the entirety of her existence.

“First, at work, she pretended that she had no idea what I was talking about when I apologized for hitting on her, that night,” Emily feels the pain all over again, playing with her fingers.

“What did you expect her to do?” Mona frowns, shrugging one shoulder. “You cornered her like a sitting duck, Emily.”

“No, no I didn’t,” the defense is shaky. “She’s the one who called me into her office.”

“I’m sure it was for work-related stuff,” her eyes widen. 

“She asked me if there was something on my mind!”

Mona grunts, tilting her chin downward for a second to gather her thoughts.

“Okay, look,” she lifts her eyes to peer up at Emily, “I’m not blaming you or taking her side, but… she could’ve reacted worse. Leave it at that, alright? I’m sure she panicked.”

“I know,” Emily hangs her head, afterwards leaning back once more and closing her eyes like she’s tired.

“Is that the only time you had the chance to talk?” she can tell that Mona is treading carefully, but it’s unknown whether or not she’s being cautious for Emily’s benefit or the delicacy of the problem.

“No,” the brunette clears her throat, “she invited me to her apartment on Sunday after we had another run-in at Heroes’, the night before. I was with Toby and she was with her friends, though, so we didn’t have the chance to talk there.”

“And what happened when you went?” Mona takes a sip of her drink.

“It felt so  _ awkward _ , but, at the same time, I knew she…” Emily struggles. “I don’t want to say she hoped something would happen between us, but, then again,” she partly rambles, “she  _ did  _ kiss me.” 

“Wait, hold on, back up,” she looks stunned. “ _ She _ kissed  _ you _ ?”

Emily nods, “All I remember is having so many thoughts in my head until they kind of just… came out one after another, and, next thing I knew, she was kissing me and wasn’t stopping.”

“Mhm…”

“What does that mean?”

Mona makes a thinking face, getting a feel for the words in her head and arranging them in a careful order; she knows she can’t speak on Alison’s behalf, but she can give her outsider’s view and, really, it’s an interesting situation considering what’s going on around their private bubble.

Instead of answering Emily’s question, she asks one of her own.

“And, let me guess… she says she can’t go through with whatever-it-is because of work?” 

“Basically, yeah.”

“What about you?” Mona wonders aloud. “Are you more willing to take a risk than she is?”

“I don’t have as much to lose.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I wish she’d want to take this risk  _ with  _ me,” Emily whispers, not daring to look into Mona’s eyes because she feels so small and vulnerable. 

“I think she does,” her response is honest, but a sad smile follows. “This is tough, Emily. I don’t believe I have to stress it even more because she’s probably done that enough and I’m sure you’ve thought about it in every way imaginable,” she raises her eyebrows, pausing her tangent before making her voice solid. “I don’t want to get your hopes up with what I’m about to say because I can’t speak for her…” her reminder is solid and definite, Emily nodding.

Mona takes another second to put her thoughts in order, lowly saying, “It’s tough, but not impossible.”

“It feels it.”

“If you expect it to be a walk in the park, then you might as well drop it now and save yourself the heartbreak,” she reinforces the situation’s trickiness, the brunette sealing her lips shut. “Like I said, she may  _ never  _ think the way you want her to, but, from what you’ve told me… I think she’s just as deep as you are. That’s hard to escape, even when you’ve fallen for someone who you probably shouldn’t have. A so-called forbiddenness might make it even  _ harder _ .”

Emily hums in agreement, sounding emphatic.

“It’s frowned upon but not a complete no-go,” Mona notifies. “Not nowadays, not at your company, and definitely not when she doesn't have  _ that _ much authority over you. I know the in’s and out’s of where you work because, I’m not sure if you heard, but I applied there a while ago.”

“Really?”

“Mhm,” she nods happily, “I attended two call-back interviews before taking the job I’m at now,” her memory gets a stunned yet impressed facial expression from the girl sitting across from her, “ _ but _ , while I was there for that brief amount of time, I made sure I read what was going to be expected of me, what the rules were, yadda-yadda.”

“And?”

“ _ And _ , if you read the friggin’ handbook, you’d already know.”

“Mona, I don’t have time for that,” Emily deadpans. “I didn’t even know we had a handbook.”

“No, I know,” her voice is chirpy, “but there’s not much to say about it, anyway. It’s not ideal because it’s considered a distraction and possible concern when positions are super differentiated, but, in your situation, you can get around it because she's technically only a…  _ guardian _ , if you will,” she pauses. “I mean, there’s still the whole _ ‘reputation’  _ mish-mosh, possible sexual-harassment questions, and you may have to sign a paper or two when faced by H.R., but it’s not as bad as people make it out to be. In your case, it's mostly a personal preference.”

She looks away, her lips parting when she’s about to say something but, before she can, Mona interrupts her with a fierce finger-point.

“Now, I didn’t tell you that so you can run off and wave it in Alison’s face as a last-ditch attempt to get her into bed,” Mona lectures. “You have to swear to me that you’re not going to bring it up in conversation when you talk to her again because you  _ will  _ talk to her again.”

“Why not?” Emily argues. “Don’t you think she should know?” 

“First of all, she probably already knows. Second, that’s not fair to her and you know it,” her voice is soft, Emily breathing out and nodding in agreement.

“I’m going to assume she knows protocol but she’s holding onto it because she’s scared,” Mona gives insight, “and you have to grant her that. She may have a big reason for being nervous about this because, really, even if it’s not the worst thing that could happen in the workplace, Alison could still get majorly screwed by it. So could you.”

Again, she nods.

“If she finally gives into you and confesses that she’s ready to take the risk you want her to… let it be on her terms. Not because you left the company’s rule-book in front of her door with a bundle of roses.” 

“You’re right,” Emily mutters, “but I still don’t know what to do.”

Mona scrunches her mouth, resembling that of deep thought as the girl across from her sulks in her confusion and swirling imagination, an oncoming headache prodding at her brain. She partly winces at the subtle pain, shaking her head afterwards as Mona hums in an intrigued way ━ something that makes Emily quirk an eyebrow once she lifts her chin.

“What do you know about her?” she tilts her head to the side and Emily silently questions her underlying motives because it’s obvious that she has some. “Not talking about your  _ opinions  _ of her, but… do you know what types of things she likes, her hobbies outside of work,  _ anything _ ?”

Emily knows it’s a shitty answer, but she gives Mona a half-assed shrug, “She likes hanging out with her friends.”

“That doesn’t really count,” it comes with a quiet laugh, the brunette’s mouth opening and closing once she realizes that she has no idea ━ and it’s kinda wracking at her brain now. 

“I guess not, then.”

“You should ask,” it’s light and encouraging, the thought already making the other girl mildly panic.

“I can’t just flat-out ask her about herself. Definitely not at work,” brown eyes widen.

“Not at work, I agree,” Mona is quick to defend, “but… find a way to invite her over.”

Her eyebrows bounce and Emily forcibly ignores it.

“I don’t know if she’ll agree to that.”

“I don’t either, but it’s worth a shot.”

Overall, Emily is thankful for how pushy Mona is being because, if she hadn’t been taking over for most of this conversation, the brunette likely would’ve bolted, by now. 

“Is it?” on the outside, Emily comes off as pessimistic, scolding herself because of the recent conversation with her father; truly, where has her confidence run off to? 

“Don’t be like that,” her friend frowns. “You like her,” she reinforces. “You’re very torn up about this girl and I can tell. No matter who she is to you in a public workplace, I’ll bet she’s a completely different person when you’re in a one-on-one setting.”

Emily rubs her lips together, listening to Mona continue, “After all, you said you two met at your favorite bar. You must’ve had a nice time if you’re  _ this  _ invested. And I’m not talking about your normal, ‘nice time.’”

Across the table, Emily visibly debates after a small eye-roll while gently moving her head back and forth, revealing that the girl’s right.

“I’m sure she’s worth it,” Mona gives her a genuine smile.

“You make it sound so easy,” Emily is somewhat impressed, laughing nervously while staring off to the side. “Even from a similar position.”

“Emily, high positions with big standards or  _ not _ , we’re all human. At the end of the day, we go home and eat lo mein in our pajamas like everyone else.”

The words begin to sink in, regardless of how weighted and dangerous they could be. 

Mona hesitates, afterwards deciding to voice what she’s been thinking for a majority of this topic, “I honestly think, out of the two of you,  _ you’re  _ the one who’s having a harder time separating your work-life from your potential, personal life together. That’s what it sounds like, at least.”

She wants to protest and claim that’s not true, but, in reality, her eyes drift down to the table where her hands are folded and it makes her think back to her conversations with Alison. The thought of repeatedly calling the blonde “Ms. DiLaurentis” when she’s been told not to attacks her brain, wanting to roll her eyes heavily because, well, that’s just great. Had she realized before? Maybe. Did she do it intentionally? A part of her had, likely.

“I guess I do bring it up kinda often,” the mumble is solid, making an annoyed face at herself in the process.

“So, you constantly mention it while expecting  _ her  _ to get past it and fall into your arms like it  _ isn’t  _ reverse psychology?” Mona’s snarkiness shines through, Emily swallowing hard but jumping to come to her own aid.

“It’s always lingering! The thought of it,” she shakes her head. “Knowing that I basically work for her━”

“You don’t work  _ for  _ her, Em,” her tone is incredulous, needing to drill the words through Emily’s skull once and for all. “You work for the same company that she does. On paper, the only things that separate you from her are tasks and paycheck numbers.”

Her harshness is internally praised but feared, Emily sensing the guilt in her stomach growing sentence by sentence. It reaches the point of nearly boiling over, causing her to glance into the now-dark street in hopes that she sees Alison walking by, just so she could run out and apologize time and time again because, fuck, she really  _ has  _ been an ass. Flashbacks of their Sunday conversation replay within the confines of Emily’s mind, hearing Alison’s many words go through a loop, though the brunette forces herself to stay away from when the other girl quietly pleaded with her not to leave because, in all honesty, that’s what hurts the most ━ and maybe it should.

One phrase, in particular, bothers her like a group of gnats on a muggy, summer day, wanting to get the weird taste out of her mouth because she can’t put her finger on why the accusation bothers her so much. Sucking up her pride after listening to the remnants of Alison’s semi-knowing voice repeatedly, Emily directly looks at Mona.

“Do you think I’m threatened by her position at the company?”

It catches the girl off-guard and Emily can tell, but she quickly recovers and straightens her posture where she sits in the booth, arms propped up on the table’s surface to mirror the brunette’s body language. 

“Are you looking for an honest answer?”

The bounced question makes her grow nervous, so she only manages to mouth the word “Yes.”

Mona pauses, eventually giving clear-cut, brutal insight, “I think you’re threatened by the fact that she holds a good amount of power over you, but you don’t realize that it has nothing to do with work.”

Emily turns her head to the side while still staring at Mona with just-barely narrowed eyes, silently wondering what she means.

“You’re  _ so  _ afraid to fall for someone, you’re grasping at straws when attempting to fend off your feelings,” Mona picks at her friend’s mind. “You jab at the one girl who  _ finally  _ has a hold on you with crude reminders that you  _ know  _ will tick her off. You may want Alison and, trust me, I know you do… but a major part of you is terrified and  _ desperate  _ to stay away from things that make you vulnerable. She exposes that part of you.” 

Emily slowly sinks into her seat, eyes as wide as saucers without blinking. Mona offers her a knowing laugh, nodding more so to herself before settling on helping the girl in any way she can.

“You have to stop,” she appears desperate to get her message across. “Let yourself be vulnerable for once and stop mentioning your work relationship. Leave it behind when you go home. If you get her alone like I  _ know  _ you will, ask her how her day was and pretend as if you don’t already know. That’s the only way this is gonna work out for you.”

She hesitantly nods, feeling like she’s been put on the spot in front of a crowd although they’re still the only two in the cafe aside from a lone worker. Swallowing hard, Emily mindlessly whispers, “Okay,” while exhaling, soon giving her attention back to Mona who hopes she didn’t simply break one of her best friends with her bluntness. 

“Do you think it’ll work out?” her words are tiny, Mona’s wise smile shining through once more.

“Do you want it to?”

Emily’s own, mirrored grin makes its way onto her face, not giving the girl across from her a verbal answer but, at the expression, she already knows.

“Then make it work out,” Mona leans back in the seat, turning her palms upward in a “that’s all you’ve gotta do” manner.

“I still don’t know how,” Emily halfheartedly whines.

“Wait for your opportunity,” a semi-shrug is given. “You’ll know when you see it.”

“Thanks,” it’s sarcastic, Mona taking a sip of her drink and forcing herself to stop for a second.

“Hey, I can’t do all the work,” she goes back to biting the straw below her mouth.

Emily looks away, trying to scrape together a plan for her next move, but her newborn thoughts are derailed when her cafe date speaks up with a lighter tone.

“Also, when this little relationship of yours  _ does  _ work out, give me her number,” Mona instructs, leaving no room for any arguments. “I want to ask her if she’d like to go get our nails done.” 

“Why?” her giggle is mainly judgmental.

“I’m sick of no one understanding my level of stress at work,” the pout that’s paired with her proclamation is blatantly forced.

“Oh, so you can use her occupation’s position in conversation, but I can’t?” Emily accuses with raised eyebrows.

“I’m not trying to  _ date  _ her,” it’s pointed and the brunette makes a face at that one, specific word, Mona instantly picking up on it and deciding to taunt the girl further. “Aw, did that term leave a gross taste in your mouth? You better get used to it because you’ve been bitten by the  _ love bug _ .”

Emily hears the deliberate heaviness laced in the words, eyes going wide as she leans forward and whisper-hisses, “Will you stop? We’re in public.”

“Emily’s got a crush,” she begins to sing ━ albeit not loudly ━ and, even if the man working was behind the counter at the time, he wouldn’t have heard. 

“Stop it.”

“Or what?”

Silence. 

“Exactly,” Mona finishes her drink. “Let me have fun. I just helped you with your problems,” she makes a brushing motion in Emily’s direction, the brunette frowning. 

“I didn’t know I’d owe you for something friends normally do for free,” tilting her head to the side, Mona offers her a devilish smirk.

“Oh, boohoo,” she uses a babyish voice.

Emily ignores it, changing the subject, “By the way, you can’t tell Hanna or Aria about this. They’ve already been on my case at work.”

“Aw, I’m the only one who knows? I’m flattered, babe,” Mona bats her eyelashes.

“Toby also knows,” she intentionally ruins the girl’s fun, though it doesn’t do much damage.

“He doesn’t count.”

As they continue on with their childish banter, the dark, now-foggy sky looms over the city while streetlights line the sidewalk. The cafe’s lights are yellowish and obvious as people walk by ━ although there are hardly any citizens out and about at this hour. Across the street and a bit toward the west end of the block, Alison’s apartment is lit up on the face of it, being noticeable from where Emily sits in the cafe ━ not that she’s paying attention at the moment because, as her internal debate tipped to one side, she mentally declared that it was best if she relaxed for the time being.

Alison, however, is standing on the sidewalk across from the cafe with a clear view of Emily’s “relaxation,” her jaw clenched while her heart pounds with a sharp tinge of sadness and jealousy springing up her throat. She had been walking home from a nearby corner store when she caught sight of two, laughing girls in the cafe window, clearly enjoying their time together with bubbly banter and mindless chitchat that seems so goddamn in-sync. It stopped her in her tracks, the blonde feeling silly for somewhat hiding behind a parked car next to the curb just in case Emily decided to oh-so-conveniently turn her head at the best (or worst) time.

What hurts the most, Alison muses as she stares at her feet for a moment, is that she wanted to find Emily’s number and invite her over to talk further ━ with less, dark emotion this time; she was ready to suck up her worries and ask the brunette to clear the air once and for all, even if that’d mean risking another spur-the-moment kiss ━ one which she hasn’t forgotten and truly doesn’t want to whatsoever. She licks her lower lip at the thought, blue eyes staring across the street and actually hoping that Emily looks back at her because, this way, maybe the brunette will understand that she’s fucked up. In all honesty, when Emily had bitterly claimed,  _ “Maybe I’ll find someone new to stare at,”  _ Alison didn’t take her seriously, but now it’s clear that she probably should’ve; the brunette followed through on her “warning” and it  _ stings _ . 

But, then again, they’re not together so what’s stopping Emily from moving on, anyway?

Nothing. That’s what.

The blonde breathes out, straightening her back and getting a better hold on the paper bag she’s been carrying, taking one last, good look at Emily with sad eyes before dragging herself to her apartment with a constricted heart and watery focus. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriousness aside for one sec… why do I find Alison being jealous of Mona/Emily so entertaining? It's such an upsetting setting (I didn't intend that rhyme but hey!) where Alison is practically hiding behind a parked car just watching them through a window with irritation but I'm over here like #heh.
> 
> Anywho. In a less-entertained light, Alison really is jealous, but her overall, pissy nature is directed at herself because she clearly wants Emily even though she's stuck in a mindset of telling herself no. On the other hand, however, Emily did fuck up even though it was somewhat unintentional; she wanted to irritate Alison by hinting at the idea of "moving on," but she obviously didn't mean that ━ we know better, Emily Fields. Unfortunately for her, Alison sees her having a "date" and thinks she meant it, so perhaps it's believed that things really are "over" between them. Either way, Alison's emotions are apparently starting to tip, so we must be seeing these two come together soon-ish, no? I'd say… get a little excited…
> 
> But, for now, it's time to be excited over Mona and Emily's first interaction within this fic. How 'bout it? Mona definitely dished out some heavy wisdom. Let's start with the quote that kinda-sorta-certainly expands on something that Alison had accused Emily of: "I think you're threatened by the fact that she holds a good amount of power over you, but you don't realize that it has nothing to do with work." Judging by Emily's reaction to her full explanation, it's true, and now she's going to have to take that realization and stomach it while trying to change for the better; for the next however-many chapters, Emily's going to go through some growing pains. Ye-ouch.
> 
> Another important moment is when Mona points out that (in comparison to Alison) Emily is having a harder time pushing away the thought of work dictating her potential, personal life with Alison, and it'll invite the clear-cut change you'll see following this chapter ━ coming in the form of Emily very rarely referring to Alison as her boss which is a great start. Overall, the Mona/Emily meet-up went well and I think Emily has some things to think about, especially because she doesn't know as much about Alison as she first thought ━ bad for her, good for us.
> 
> Mona wasn't the first to smack Emily in the face with advice, though, and that leads me to discuss Wayne's phone call. I think the fandom's always held him to these wise words and an understanding warmth, so I wanted to bring that back since Emily severely needs it. We've seen Emily's moods from the get-go of this story and how her friends notice them instantly (which I'll discuss in a second), but it's nice to see her dad also holding that knowing attitude with her, and his decision to reinforce the idea that Emily needs to learn how to prove her worth to herself rather than to someone else is going to hit her hard. Most of this story revolves around Emily needing to be "fixed" and figure out who she is, why she's so insecure, and how to work on everything internally, so she'll end up battling with the concept of deserving happiness since, right now, she doesn't believe it.
> 
> Before I go, I want to address Hanna's short part in this chapter ━ A.K.A. the flashback (with Aria, as well). From the looks of it, things are rocky in the friendship department when it comes to Emily/Hanna. They're biting at each other, disagreeing, etc., and it seems like it's getting worse. Well, not to spoil things, but Emily isn't the only one dealing with some personal issues, so they're both going to get a bit snarky and lock horns for a little bit while Aria tries to simmer things down. These personal issues are also the reason for Hanna's tendency to bring up Emily's sex life because, like Emily often brings up Alison's title when being defensive, it's a tactic to shelter herself. You're likely asking why or forming a theory, but all questions will be answered. Either way, don't worry: These three are sticking together like glue, and the bickering isn't just because I'm shit while wanting your favs to suffer.
> 
> Next time, we get another Emison (work) interaction that's kinda sweet (in my opinion) considering what we've seen, and then we get to the real goods. I'd trademark-symbol that if I had the emoji on here but I don't, so.
> 
> I'll see you then!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always feel like it's been years since I last updated even though I'm normally posting at a three-day span.
> 
> Weird. At least I'm always eager to get more of the story to you as opposed to harboring it for seven days at a time. You're welcome, by the way, but I'm not too cocky about it.
> 
> This little chapter was more so written to act somewhat as a bridge to the one after this ━ and, yes, it'll be something to smile about. However, for now, enjoy this installment because it holds some instances that'll move us forward ━ well, that's every chapter, but anyway.

“Okay, did you fill up on drugs for breakfast, or━”

“Hanna,” Aria lightly scolds, partly leaning forward to get a wide-eyed shrug from the blonde in mention.

Emily briefly glances up at the two, their workday lunch being filled with jitters and anxious, over-the-shoulder second-looks ━ well, technically that’s only  _ her  _ doing whereas her friends study her like some foreign bug. It’s not that she’s overall on-edge, but Alison’s Wednesday attitude has come with a palpable atmosphere and, due to the way it threatens to steal her breath (and not in a good nature) each time the blonde walks by, it seems to be directed at her ━ or perhaps she’s imagining it.

Whatever the case may be, her two friends have picked up on the way it’s making her skin crawl, Emily repeatedly searching for Alison and just barely paying attention to the conversations they’ve been trying to share.

_ “Hey, are you guys going to the company’s banquet on Friday?” Hanna pops an M&M into her mouth, eyes bouncing between her friends at a rapid rate. _

_ “I was thinking about it,” Aria shrugs. “Why? Are you?” _

_ “Free drinks, free food, a reason to dress up less business-y and more weekend-y? Uh, yeah, I’d say I’m there,” raising her eyebrows, she gives the girl next to her the pointed answer. “I just didn’t feel like going alone.” _

_ “I’m down,” comes the light answer. “Nothing better to do.” _

_ “What about you, Em?” _

_ “Hm?” the girl looks up from her salad, having recently gotten two pieces of lettuce into her mouth with a dumbfounded face interrupting her chewing. _

_ She swallows when they tilt their heads as if they’re judging her heavily, forcibly clearing her throat afterwards and stuttering out the response “Oh, um, I━I’m not sure.” _

_ “Have you heard who else is going?” Hanna turns to Aria, ignoring their third friend’s weird answer. “I barely know anything. Just that it’s at the building’s fancy, ballroom, rooftop thingy.” _

_ “I know most of our floor is going, but not sure about any others,” the vague details are in the air with an uncertainty to them, Emily’s ears perking up at the reply because she hasn’t been paying much attention to this event previously, but now she’s wondering if Alison is going. _

_ “Do you think Alison’s going?” Hanna voices the one question that Emily wants the information to, silently thanking the girl without giving it much acknowledgment on the outside. _

_ “I’m not sure,” Aria purses her lips in a thinking manner. “It’s not mandatory, otherwise I’d say she has to… but I’m not positive. Ask her.” _

_ Yeah, Hanna; ask her, Emily thinks. _

_ The girl ignores the suggestion, turning back to Emily. _

“Seriously, though,” in real time, the girl pries once more, “are you okay?”

Emily gets zapped out of her thoughts and harshly sucks in a sharp breath at the question, all but glaring in Hanna’s direction as the girl’s voiced wonder doesn’t waver one bit, practically growing stronger with raised eyebrows that stress the unspoken statement: “I don’t give a fuck if you’re tired of hearing it.” The sight makes her relentlessly empty her lungs of sourness with a slight pressure because she knows they’re just using their own brands of care and, really, she can’t blame them. She should be thankful that everyone’s so worried and she knows it, leading her to nod once and slump her shoulders.

“I don’t know,” is her honest answer, pushing her barely eaten salad away. “I’m… I━I don’t know. I feel off.”

“Yeah, you seem it,” Aria offers while Hanna explains, “I was going to say strung-out, but━”

“You suck at being sensitive, don’t you?” while Emily quietly chuckles at Aria’s question, Hanna gives her a blunt rebuttal.

“I didn’t know I  _ had  _ to be,” she lowly argues with Aria, the girl only staring back at her.

“No, she’s right,” Emily shakes her head.

“I am?” Hanna quirks an eyebrow, afterwards her face dropping completely in a form of mild panic. “Wait, you’re seriously━”

“Not about that,” shaking her head more heavily, the brunette places her palms flat on the surface of the cheap, breakroom table, soon looking at her friends with a newfound seriousness. “I meant… I know I’ve been beyond weird lately. I’ve been tired, and anxious, and… the other day, Toby had to practically pry me off a punching bag because I was going overboard. I  _ knew  _ I was, actually,” the final part is mumbled, her eyes drifting downward.

“What’s going on?” Aria frowns, voice soft and concerned.

Within the short amount of time after the question is asked, Emily partly licks her bottom lip as her focus trails off to the side of the room, internally wrestling with her thoughts and common sense because, quite frankly, she’s sick of hiding what’s been going on from her friends, but it’s not that easy to spill the information; since they work with both her  _ and  _ Alison, who knows if they’ll be able to stop their inevitable side-eyes and teasing gestures, or maybe they wouldn’t even understand how Emily could merely entertain the thought of having a relationship within the workplace involving someone of a “higher” status. There are so many different variables and, fuck, the list keeps growing ━ but, then again, it’s not like she doesn’t trust them because she  _ undoubtedly  _ does; it’s just hard to decipher whether or not they’d handle this well. 

Turns out, completely paving over whatever she was  _ thinking  _ about saying, she doesn’t even get a chance to answer Aria’s question, anyway, because Hanna intervenes with a prodding, invasive whisper while leaning so far over the table that Emily thinks she’s going to take a nap on it.

“Do you think you’re stressed because of…” her suggestive tone trails off, Emily looking around the room because she doesn’t understand. “You know…”

“What?”

“This ‘new Emily’ thing,” Hanna shrugs one shoulder, going back to sitting in her seat. “The whole, ‘no flings’ thing.”

The brunette’s mouth opens as she leans back in her chair, ready to protest even though, on the other hand, she has a point ━ a blunt one, but a point nonetheless.

“I’m just saying,” pursing her lips, the blonde stares straight ahead, “maybe you’re so wired because you haven’t gotten laid.”

“I really don’t think━”

“And, I just want to put this out there,” she holds her hands up in faux surrender, “if you’re only holding yourself back from falling into bed with a variety of girls because you’re sick of me teasing you all the time, you have my word.”

“Your word for what?” Aria turns to her, forehead creased.

“That I won’t tease her about it.”

Emily, like previously, goes to say something and explain herself, but her impending thoughts are overrun by Hanna who continues with a correcting finger-point.

“For a bit, that is.”

“That’s sweet,” the brunette rolls her eyes with a small laugh, “but it has nothing to do with you.”

As the words exit her mouth, Alison saunters into the room to grab whatever she’s put in a medium-sized fridge toward the back of the room, body language stiff with an obviously clenched jaw. Her posture resembles someone of high authority, being cold and unmoved by those who have been staring at her throughout the day. Emily doesn’t realize that she’s entered the room until she’s in her line of sight, the brunette automatically swallowing hard and having her eyes drift down to the table even though she tries her hardest to watch what Alison’s doing.

“And here I thought that I was the one to stop Emily Fields from being a suave womanizer,” Hanna responds just as Emily hears a slam come from where Alison is, followed by a curt, dark snicker and the girl walking by their table with nothing but nonverbal attitude and a superiority complex.

The door is barely closed before Hanna mutters, “You’re not the only one acting weird lately,” to Emily, not daring to look up.

“I’m sure work’s just stressing her out,” Aria defends Alison in her absence, much like always. “She’s technically still a newbie here.”

“Yeah, but you think she’d get more loosened up instead of the total opposite,” she leans back, Emily remaining silent where she sits. “I mean, when she first showed up, she was… I don’t want to say normal, but… she was just like us.”

“That’s definitely not normal,” Emily talks to herself.

“Now, all I sense is a bundle of uptightness coming from her end of the stick,” Hanna raises her eyebrows. “Especially today. She even came into work way later than usual.”

“So?”

“She hasn’t been  _ that  _ late for work like…  _ ever _ . It was a whole thirty minutes!”

“ _ Again _ , she’s only been here for… how long?”

“What do you think, Em?” Hanna bounces the conversation to the only-listening, unanswering brunette, her eyes lighting up and being matched with a questioning hum once she hears her name. “Do you think Alison’s been acting weird?”

“Um…” she forces a tight-lipped smile after swallowing hard, “I can’t be the judge of that.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know her well enough,” her answer makes Hanna’s eyes narrow, though Aria seems content with the response.

Emily sees Hanna staring at her with wonders clearly swirling around, the sensation being overwhelming as the brunette pushes her chair out from the table with a quiet “I have to get back to work. I accidentally clocked in late and need to make sure I finish today’s spreadsheets.” Her almost-full salad is tossed before her water bottle is snatched from the surface of the table, Hanna and Aria watching her with curious faces since the girl sped away like she was on fire.

Walking back to her desk, Emily steadies her breathing when she’s still feeling the remnants of Hanna’s curiosity. Did something tip her off? Did the brunette make it too obvious that she  _ wants  _ to get to know Alison? Did Hanna hear something from someone? 

She clears her throat while shuffling toward her cubicle, head down until Alison’s office is able to be peered into, brown eyes drifting up a fraction so she can find the blonde girl somewhere within. Trying to make it seem like she’s not doing it intentionally, Emily looks around the floor, noting the groups of people working with bored expressions on their faces, appearing almost like cloned robots. The thought makes her roll her eyes with a dumbfounded smile, but she focuses back on Alison’s office to see the girl doing what she had been doing for most of her own lunch: stabbing at her food with conflicted features, though her cheek rests on her fist, and, if Emily didn’t know any better, she’d think the blonde’s about to cry. She frowns at the image, wanting to venture into that glass office and ask Alison out to dinner ━ though that  _ totally  _ wouldn’t happen considering the number of witnesses surrounding the area and their matched paranoia. The next debate to pop up in her mind is to simply walk into the blonde’s office and ask if she’s okay, but, when given the response “Yes, Emily, I’m fine,” she wouldn’t be able to do much; she’d never have the guts to rightfully accuse her boss of being insincere because, well, the girl’s just that: her boss.

Regardless of what Mona told her the prior night… here, in this building, Alison is her boss and needs to be treated as such ━ but, yes, she  _ is  _ a person; Alison is a human with emotions and feelings and, God, Emily’s been acting like such an ass just because she felt scorned. It’s been getting to her more by each unapologetic second, having kept her up for an extended amount of time once more last night ━ disregarding the fact that she’s actually getting used to this no-sleep routine; nowadays, she finds herself lying awake for hours, simply daydreaming about blue eyes and blonde hair at Heroes’, though she tends to think about what could’ve happened if they didn’t meet up in unfortunate circumstances the following day. Would they have seen each other again? Would things have progressed in a better fashion, or would Alison keep toying with her like on that fateful, Monday night? It’s not the worst feeling ━ being used for entertainment ━ but only because she could tell that the blonde wanted her in the same way. She remembers it like it was just yesterday, her throat tightening up because she misses feeling like a silly teenager above this adult mess, wondering if she could simply quit her job and start over with the girl who’s obtained a big spot in her life.

That’s probably the scariest part: Emily is willing to give up her “normal routine” for someone whom she’s likely already fucked up her chances with. She doesn’t change her mind, however, and wonders if this is a blessing in disguise. Again, she doesn’t hate her job and it pays plenty, but it’s not something she’s in love with and this road-block with Alison could give her a reason to move on and find something more important to her ━ hopefully to improve every area in her life.

But, then again, why should she make such a dramatic change in her life on Alison’s account? She doesn’t wonder that out of disdain, but the fact that she can’t make decisions for the girl she met over a week ago; all Emily can do is hope they thoroughly talk about things and, maybe, when the time is right, she can ask (flat-out) if there’s ever a chance for them. 

After minutes of walking, Emily throws herself into her office chair, swiveling on contact while moving her neck back and forth as if it’ll help get the kinks out. She next cracks her knuckles, grimacing at the sound before turning in her chair to flick her computer’s monitor back on. Checking the time, she discovers that it’s nearing one o’clock and wants to groan at the fact. Luckily, she muses, her productivity has achieved a steady level like before, feeling driven to impress the girl who checks her numbers each week. Emily rolls her eyes at the thought, wondering when she became so devoted to being worth it, and, damn, how  _ easily  _ did Alison change her? Over the course of  _ one night _ , even. When she dubbed the girl as a newfound addiction, she didn’t know it’d be this bad ━ this  _ strong _ . 

Maybe that’s another part of the “blessing in disguise,” though; yeah, her dad told her that she should look out for making herself happy above anyone else, but perhaps striving to be the best version of herself on Alison’s behalf is an even better thing. This way, Emily proves to both herself and Alison that she’s worth the trouble and pain, bringing them closer while her own stability strengthens. That’s technically still looking out for herself, right? She  _ is  _ putting herself first by pushing to be better (in hopes of breaking Alison’s resolve in the best way), and that’s what her father hoped for.

She glances up at the small, framed photo of her family by the monitor, the object one of the only two pieces of personalization within her office space ━ the other being a picture of her with Hanna and Aria side-by-side-by-side. A smile appears on her face, eyes flickering between the two frames before zoning in on the one of her friend group, tilting her head to the side.

_ “I can’t believe we’re going to be working together,” Hanna beams with a face that says she’d be jumping up and down if they weren’t in a booth at some restaurant. “Like… I can’t believe it.” _

_ “Call me crazy, but I think you’ve said that already,” Aria teases, taking a sip of her water. _

_ “I’d call you crazy no matter what,” the blonde retorts with a smile. “And now I can call you it while at work. Where we’ll always be seeing each other.” _

_ Emily’s eyes widen, looking away while laughing because Hanna flings a glare in her direction once she sees the forced, annoyed expression.  _

_ “You’re gonna have to learn to deal with it,” leaning back in her seat, Hanna brings her drink to her lips and bounces her eyebrows, Emily rolling her eyes with a chuckle. _

_ “Hey, if you didn’t want to put up with us twenty-four-seven, you wouldn’t have accepted the job,” Aria adds onto what Hanna said, getting a hum from the girl next to her while the other brunette can’t stop herself from smiling. _

_ “I knew what I was getting myself into,” Emily shakes her head and presses her tongue to her inner cheek, laughing. “I’m happy about it.” _

Warmth fills her chest when remembering how they all smiled about the thought of their paths crossing each day, mainly because they had become each other’s solid sources of happiness when dealing with some not-so-peachy things; roughly, they’re family, dealing with occasional disagreements, mishaps, heartbreaks, thank-God moments, and everything else life throws at them. It’s something that’s admirable, in Emily’s opinion, and, if she was an outsider looking at the bond they share, she’d feel honored to know that people can hold such a great companionship without being blood-related.

Her comforting thoughts are broken up when she hears Alison’s voice raising in her office, sounding irate and red-hot. Emily inconspicuously rolls her chair to the crack in her space’s wall, taking a piece of paper and a pen with her so she can act like she’s writing something down while oddly near-pressed against the grey divider. She peers through the crack, watching Alison pace in and out of her view while on the phone with someone who clearly won’t leave her alone. The brunette looks around the floor as much as she can, wondering if anyone else is paying attention to their boss adamantly talking into her cell phone with solid words like “No” and phrases including “Absolutely not.” Finding no one else giving a damn, Emily goes back to eavesdropping by herself, narrowing her eyes while listening.

A bundle of papers is slapped down onto the blonde’s desk, Alison muttering something into the speaker that sounded similar to “He can kiss my ass.” The brunette seals her lips with severely concentrated eyes now fixated on the wall in front of her while her ear is almost against the divider closest to Alison’s office.

“Did you not hear me the first, I don’t know,  _ ten  _ times?” her tone is cold and the question is condescending, Emily growing somewhat concerned for whoever is on the other line.

“What?” Alison’s voice cracks. “N━no, stop interrupting me.  _ No _ . Whose side are you on, anyway?” 

Emily frowns as she listens, noting someone walking past her office space so, in turn, she begins to sketch something down on the paper in front of her.

“No, I’m done with him,” the blonde walks over to her desk, tossing a pen down onto the folder that was previously slapped against the piece of furniture. “I told him that before everything was finalized.  _ Now _ , the divorce is done and he needs to stop contacting me.”

_ Divorce _ .

The brunette’s lips part, eyes darting around the desk beneath her chin because the knowledge of Alison being previously married caught her completely off-guard. It’s not like it changes anything regarding her feelings, but it’s certainly something to wonder about ━ mostly because the blonde has never dropped any hints about a past  _ anything _ . Heck, Emily doesn’t even know about the girl’s family. Maybe it really  _ is  _ time to get to know her, even in a friendly way. Emily bites her inner cheek, going back to listening.

“Tell him to leave me alone or I’m getting a restraining order,” it’s a closing statement, Emily can tell, and, when she goes back to looking into the glass office, she sees Alison all but throw herself into the chair behind her desk while her phone is slid onto a pile of scattered, unorganized papers.

Alison rubs her face, breathing out while hoping no one heard what happened but, even if they had, she doesn’t care. Emily sees her shake her head, almost as if she’s trying to rid the negative thoughts from her mind, before the girl huffs and begins to go through whatever’s been strewn along her desk. She looks irritable and exhausted, and Emily hopes it has nothing to do with her but, like it  _ has been _ for days now, of course it is ━ at least a fraction of it.

Maybe Hanna was right: Alison deserves an apology. All difficulty surrounding the concept of apologizing aside, Emily should muster up some courage and tell the girl she’s sorry for how she’s been acting ━ both at work and otherwise. She told Toby that she doesn’t blame Alison for any of this, sure, but actions speak louder than words and, right now, it’s plausible that the blonde believes everything is being put on her shoulders. That’s not fair and Emily knows it. Even if that isn’t the case and Alison feels fine regarding how they left things the other night, Emily is starting to feel more and more responsible when it comes to how their whatever-it-is relationship ended up, and, because she wants to get to know Alison for the sake of understanding who she truly is, maybe a gesture of solidarity is a good start. 

Nodding to herself, Emily feels her hands shaking but proceeds to reach for a new piece of paper and her pen, scribbling down a small note in the upper, left-hand corner. It’s a full-sized piece of printer paper, resembling something she’d write an actual “assignment” on, and the note is soon slid into a manilla folder with a blank tab on one side. She rolls her eyes at seeming so dramatic, but it’s all new territory and even  _ this  _ is nerve-wracking. 

Nevertheless, she pushes her rolling chair backwards and holds onto the folder tightly, maneuvering around her workspace and walking in what feels like slow-motion until she’s at the entrance of Alison’s office. She stands by the glass door, simply waiting to be acknowledged by the blonde who’s mindlessly staring at whatever paper is below her eyes with her fingers wrapped along her forehead, elbow propped up on the desk. Emily’s mouth opens and closes as she anxiously waits, fingers clasping the folder so tight that she believes she’ll bend it if Alison doesn’t look up within seconds. It takes most of her strength, but she finally gets fed-up and firmly knocks on the girl’s glass door, a hollow sound being heard by the blonde behind the large, sleek desk.

When blue eyes lock with brown, they appear mildly stunned before her jaw clenches and features sharpen, Alison licking her lips and looking back down to whatever she’s reading.

“Do you need something?”

Emily can tell she’s trying to remain professional while being angry with everything that’s happened recently, so she doesn’t try to extend this spur-the-moment visit any further and, instead, approaches slowly with a timid “Um, kind of.”

Alison cautiously peers upward when she hears Emily walking closer, not lifting her chin any more but, really, she doesn’t have to; a folder is slid atop the paper she was formerly reading, having to look down at it with a confused yet still-irritated demeanor. She tilts her head to look at Emily who raises her eyebrows in a way that says “open it,” Alison pressing her tongue to her inner cheek and taking the folder between her fingers while leaning back in her chair. Still not flipping to view the contents just yet, her blue eyes dart upward another time, wanting to chill Emily in the worst ways because she’s still feeling unbelievably hurt from the prior night when she saw the girl on what looked to be a date, just days after they argued and, before that, shared the kiss she hopes she’ll never forget ━ while simultaneously wanting to erase the memory from her brain. 

Emily feels the angst radiating off the girl in front of her, wishing her eyes would apologize for her but knowing that she’ll have to say the words, sooner or later. After delaying for a number of seconds, Alison inaudibly sighs and opens the folder, her lips parting immediately when she reads the words _ “Is everything okay?”  _ written at the top-left corner of the page.

Closing her mouth tightly, Alison attempts to put on an unreadable facade while internally annoyed with herself for ranting so loudly. Sure, she said she didn’t care and, truly, she  _ doesn’t _ , but now she’s not sure how much Emily heard. For whatever reason, the wonder makes her feel nervous, realizing that they haven’t shared much and, after inadvertently confessing that she’d been married before, she feels exposed.

Not giving anything away, the blonde looks up at Emily with sealed lips and eyes that shimmer with sadness, the brunette giving her a knowing yet sympathetic grin, followed by raised eyebrows that beg her to answer ━ which, soon, she does.

Alison puts the folder back onto her desk, paper face-up as she grabs a pen and writes below it, afterwards turning it so Emily can see what she answered:

_ “Does it really matter?” _

She notes the girl swallow hard at the words, guilt overcoming her former, concerned state as Emily turns away from the paper for a split second. No matter how much it stings, Emily nods through understanding, gingerly reaching for Alison’s hand and sliding the pen out from between her fingers. Clearing her throat and taking a risk after a small, internal debate when it comes to Mona’s push to get to know the blonde, Emily casually bends down as Alison somewhat admires her determination to make things work even though the brunette is obviously still upset with how things are going between them. They’re both damaged, yes, but Emily seemingly tends to push her feelings away when Alison’s vulnerable side is just as clear, hoping to help in any way possible. It’s nice, Alison muses, and a tiny smile tugs at one corner of her mouth before it’s erased when her forehead creases in confusion, looking at the note that’s been twisted so she can read it.

It’s the girl’s address printed clearly, followed by  _ “9 P.M.” _ She lifts her chin to look at Emily with opened eyes and wonders about her intentions, watching her put on a tight-lipped smile with raised eyebrows, obviously hoping she’ll accept the invitation and stop this back-and-forth playing. In reality, she doesn’t wait for an answer or even a simple reaction from Alison because she’s way too scared to be rejected in any way, shape, or form, sliding the folder out from beneath the paper and taking it in her hands while quickly exiting the glass office, leaving the addressed note with the blonde who feels floored by the offer; it’s hard to be irritated with everything when the girl she’s been trying to ignore her feelings for just asked her to come over, no matter how late in the evening it’ll be. Is this how Emily felt when she asked  _ her  _ over? Alison closes her eyes and looks down for a split second.

When she refocuses, her eyes follow Emily who shuffles across the floor, automatically sliding into her chair and disappearing behind a short, grey wall. Alison closes her mouth in the meantime, not before realizing that she’s had her lips parted in mild surprise and caution for a bit now, carefully taking the paper off her desk and folding it in half. Staring into the floor’s mainspace without expression, she feels paranoid while doing it, but her hands reach for her taupe bag to slide the note into a small pouch, slightly crumbling the paper but not minding as it’s fastened so it’ll remain hidden and unable to fall out.

The invitation ━  _ without  _ mystery ━ is enticing, that’s for sure, mainly because she wants to be able to speak her mind to Emily about yesterday and what happened over the weekend, but does she honestly have the stomach to go? What if Emily confronts her about what she heard over the phone? What if this is some plot to get her to be vulnerable, only to target her once more like she had days ago? Emily said some things with strong malice and, at the time, Alison understood, but now it’s created a sore spot in her chest and she wonders if it’ll happen again. It’s not like she holds a grudge against the girl for it, but what else is she supposed to do? On the other hand, what if whatever-confrontation tonight goes so smoothly and she kisses the brunette  _ again _ ? What if she can’t tear herself away, this time? When alone, she knows that she can’t say “Fuck it” and pretend that she’s okay with something unfolding between them, but who knows where her mind will trail off to when brown eyes are staring at her with warmth and comfort ━ even that calm, sympathetic yet knowing look Emily was  _ just  _ giving her. 

Shit, she’d  _ love  _ to melt in those eyes and confess as to what she’s been feeling for what seems like absolute forever while giving Emily her heart as a whole, but that’s not realistic in the least bit and the girl should know that ━ heck, she still wonders why she, herself, doesn’t realize it because God only knows that she’s been pacing back and forth each night and weighing her options as she tries to keep herself from searching for the brunette’s social media accounts just to know what she’s been up to when she’s not at work. 

But what’s the real problem? It’s not work; it’s something internal and Alison knows it ━ not to say she’ll admit it even though she probably should. It’s her past, quite frankly, and lately she’s wondered if that’s the  _ only  _ thing keeping her from taking such a big risk with Emily. Their work situation is tough, sure, but… her past? She can’t escape that. 

Alison slams her eyes shut and shakes her head, again trying to stop herself from delving into that wormhole in the current setting because, as it is, she’s already exhausted and her energy isn’t going to bounce back if she doesn’t push her negative thoughts aside ━ and she’s going to need that makeshift energy for whatever talk that ensues tonight.

_ Emily’s _ . Tonight. 9:00 P.M. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you spell "progress"? Of course you can; it's right there.
> 
> So, it looks like we'll know the truth about Alison's past real soon ━ as in next chapter, real soon (oops, spoiler) ━ and we'll be accompanying her to Emily's apartment. How do you think it's going to go? Will there be yelling? Jealousy? Okay-ness? I mean, we still have Alison pretty hellbent on being pissed at Emily for going on a "date" with Mona (gosh, that's still funny), so who knows how they'll act around each other. I'll tell you one thing: Next chapter throws us right into the belly of the beast ━ A.K.A. their face-to-face meet-up ━ so come prepared. It's one of my favorite updates (if you read "Place Your Bet," it's much like chapter eleven), and there's a much-needed vent-session.
> 
> Addressing something additional: If anyone is concerned about that stressful phone call, I want to relieve your worries by saying I'm not following my previous patterns in making Alison's exes come out of the woodwork to target her. Elliott won't physically be in the story, aside from her memories being recounted because it's what makes Alison... Alison. In simple terms, this is a fic about Emison as both a couple and individual characters, so I won't bring in people who aren't necessary to move the plot forward. Also, I believe I mentioned this before, but I'll reinforce the info piece that Emily really won't be affected by Alison's past relationship. It's a big #wow moment, but nothing that deters her.
> 
> Back to the notion of progress: Emily made what looks to be a huge turnaround in this update, and most of it is thanks to Mona. Now, she understands that she's been the ultimate ass for a good portion of knowing Alison which is shameful because of how strongly she feels about her; really, she's starting to realize that, from Alison's viewpoint, it probably looks like she's being spiteful solely because she isn't getting her way. Maybe that's true or maybe it isn't (she'll explain herself), but it needs to be worked on. There's no room for immaturity in a (hopefully) serious relationship, especially one that involves work.
> 
> Something small to think about is Hanna's suspicion directed at Emily ━ or what looks like suspicion. It seems like Hanna (and maybe even Aria) is on Emison's closeted case, doesn't it? ━ *cue GIF of Alycia Debnam-Carey saying, "There's a reason"* ━ Or, on the other hand, maybe she's more so skeptical of Emily's attitude nowadays. "I don't know her well enough" is a huge giveaway even though Emily isn't aware that Alison said the same, and Hanna is on the case! Another small thing I want to mention is Hanna's tendency to bring up Emily's sex life. This isn't because she wants to be annoying (okay, in a friendly way, maybe a little), but mainly because 1) she knows it's Emily's outlet, and 2) there may or may not be another underlying reason that you'll have to look out for. Just like she's suspicious of Emily, we need to be suspicious of Hanna.
> 
> P.S. Who's curious about this company banquet? More details coming soon.
> 
> Okay, okay, so this chapter was short, I know, I know. BUT! You won't have to wait long for the next. I planned for this chapter to be short because seven and eight were originally the same update, however I had to break them up because I hate including so many "X X X" breaks. Therefore, I'll be back within two days depending on how productive I am within that span.
> 
> Catch me on Tumblr ("capn-charlie"), comment, do whatever. Love y'all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time, no see. Kinda.
> 
> Happy weekend, loves. Unfortunately, it’s almost over, but the show (fic) must go on and that’s why I’m blessing your inboxes with an update notification before probably doing it again within three days or so. 
> 
> You’ve been (internally) begging for some fluff, and I’m here to deliver. 
> 
> Enjoy yourselves.

“Boxing, huh?” Alison places her third-of-the-way-full wineglass on the coffee table in front of them, a gentle clinking sound being heard as she smirks while expanding the comment with a smug “So, I probably shouldn’t taunt you too much.”

Emily laughs while watching the blonde lean back on the couch, a whole cushion dividing them even though they’re turned toward one another with expressions that say they’re enjoying their time but wish they could slide closer. The brunette licks her lips as her eyes dart away from Alison’s, the unspoken words between them becoming too heavy to carry while attempting to hold a solid poker face. Next to her, Alison bows her head in understanding, breathing out even though she’s trying to keep the atmosphere light because, since she arrived, their attitudes have become warmer and perhaps a bit more… comfortable ━ considering how the blonde felt before the current, face-to-face, apartment-held confrontation. 

Once she arrived home from an anxiety-filled day at work (following Emily’s office visit), Alison managed to do some things around the house in hopes that it’d take her mind off whatever conversation ━ or awkward silence ━ was going to ensue within the future hours, though her cleaning was half-assed and, otherwise, her eyes nearly burnt a hole through the shut-off television.

Eight o’clock  _ eventually  _ rolled around and that’s when Alison shoved herself off the living room couch. In the following, thirty minutes, getting ready to follow through on accepting the brunette’s invitation was an absolute nightmare, having gone through two, polar-opposite outfits because she wasn’t sure if Emily was expecting her to dress up like she normally does throughout the week, or what. After those questions swirled in her mind, she put an immediate stop to them by asking herself why she was trying to impress the girl so hard, especially because the remnants of irritation still churned within her stomach’s walls and she  _ wanted  _ to be upset with the brunette for acting so cold to  _ her _ yet so,  _ so _ free with whoever-the-hell she was on a date with.

Again, Alison reminded herself, Emily can act free because she  _ is  _ free. The thought made her roll her eyes, shushing the relentless voices in her head by putting the finishing touches on her casual, t-shirt-and-skinny-jeans outfit with her hair falling nicely even though it’s been messed up a bit.

The ramblings in her mind began to pick back up as she neared Emily’s apartment complex and looked through her car’s windshield to scope out the exterior, but they grew even louder and fiercer as she walked up to the third floor where the brunette lives, almost as if the thoughts were using her extreme nervousness to keep up the annoyed vibe from when she was at work ━ and maybe that sparked a bit of confidence for when the girl finally opened the door.

_ Emily’s mouth opens and, initially, nothing comes out but she looks surprised ━ an expression that someone would make when they weren’t expecting another person to actually show up. Alison gives her a curt smile, clearly wary about the situation, and the door is opened further with the brunette stepping aside so she can let her guest into the apartment. After, the door is softly latched with blue eyes roaming the place like Emily had done days prior when she first saw Alison’s living-space. Emily doesn’t break the girl’s concentration, simply admiring the way she searches the room for nothing in particular, and, once they’re partly facing one another, she can see the faint aftermath of a smile on her face. She looks in-love, the brunette notes, particularly far more than with her own apartment. Internally, Emily reminds herself to ask Alison about it ━ just another thing to ask the girl ━ but, when she figures that it’s time to stop building wonders up within herself and reaches a point of overflow, she decides to voice what’s on her mind. _

_ Brown eyes follow Alison’s line of sight, quietly thinking aloud, “I know it’s not as nice as your place, in my opinion, but it’s cozy.” _

_ “No, it’s…” a small sigh is heard. “I love it. It’s so…” she wants to tell Emily that it’s the perfect embodiment of how her personality is ━ or at least what she’s witnessed and what she’s thought about at night, admittedly ━ but, aloud, the only word that follows is “inviting.” _

_ “Yeah?” Emily grins at the answer, her arms crossed in a form of cautious defense even though they’re a good amount of feet apart. _

_ “Mhm,” swallowing the lump in her throat, Alison fully turns so she’s face to face with the girl across from her, a mere couch dividing where they both stand. _

_ At first, neither Alison nor Emily jump to speak about the elephant in the room, but, after a handful of awkward silence flows through with the brunette only clearing her throat and looking off toward one of the windows at the face of her apartment, she decides that it’s time for her to be the one who initially confronts the situation at hand. _

_ “I wasn’t sure if you’d show up,” her gaze timidly meets icy blue, Alison pursing her lips and nodding in an agreeing manner, only solidified with she replies, “Neither was I.” _

_ It’s not a complete lie because, fuck, her nerves almost nailed her ass to the couch for the next four days, but she knew that the larger part of her wanted to see what Emily had up her sleeve for this visit and, secretly, she’s solely been hoping for another one-on-one meet-up with the brunette outside of work. _

_ “I’m happy you did,” Emily tilts her head to the side, wishing she could read the girl in front of her a bit better, but Alison’s current facade is completely desolate with no sign of cracking anytime soon. _

_ Alison goes to open her mouth but closes it soon after, again nodding and looking away with sealed lips because of how hard it’s becoming to wrestle with monstrous “should I make this easier for her, or do I own the right to make things difficult?” feelings, eventually glancing down to her feet and shifting where she stands. _

_ “Alison,” her name catches her off-guard because Emily is constantly using her work title to get under her skin, automatically lifting her chin while flashing the girl fragile eyes, “I didn’t ask you to come here so I could make things even more awkward.” _

_ “Things are only awkward if you think they're awkward.” _

_ “Okay,” Emily nods partly, “then, yes, I think they're awkward.” _

_ Her wide-eyed expression gets a tiny chuckle from the blonde, though she tries to cover the sound by biting her lower lip between her teeth for a split second. Emily takes a breath, psyching herself up for the next thing she wants to say. _

_ “I wanted to apologize.” _

_ Alison shifts her jaw and takes a moment to collect herself, rocking on her feet, “For what?” _

_ Emily hesitates, “For being an ass lately. For most of the time we’ve known each other, really.” _

_ No response. _

_ “I never exactly noticed how much of a jerk I’ve been until I sat down and… thought about everything,” her focus trails to the edge of the room, zoning in on a small chip in the wall’s paint so she’ll be distracted enough to continue. “Even after I knew I was being cold to you, I tried to make excuses, but,” she breathes out, “I know you don’t deserve that, and I’m sorry,” to end the apology, she locks eyes with Alison.  _

_ “It’s okay,” her voice is tiny but Emily can tell that she means it, one corner of her mouth turning upward into a sad yet accepting smile. _

_ “I know you say it is, but it’s not okay with me,” she disagrees as lightly as she can, turning away and rubbing her lips together. _

_ “Why not?” as the question falls from her lips, Emily’s arms slump at her sides in a self-exhausted manner, dragging her feet over to the couch and sitting on the very edge of one cushion. _

_ Alison follows suit but sits further away so she’s nearly shoved against the couch’s right arm, listening to the girl’s answer in the meantime. _

_ “I don’t want you to think that I was being a bitch just because of…” she doesn’t dare look in Alison’s direction but the girl understands, playing with her own fingers. _

_ “Wasn’t it, though?” the words waver, Alison feeling exposed from being so attentive. “Weren’t you doing it just to get back at me for not… being open to…” the question is broken repeatedly, neither wanting to actually express the words they’re thinking because they’re still so monumental and intimidating; they fear the idea of acknowledging the situation.  _

_ Emily licks her bottom lip in thought, her insecurities threatening to spill over but maybe it’s her best bet, at this point; perhaps giving herself to Alison in a deeper way will open a door to getting into the blonde’s head ━ and heart, if she’s being out-right with her hopes. _

_ “No,” it’s quiet but honest. “You were right when you suggested that I use your formal name when being defensive. I was picking on you because I’m afraid of my own feelings and I guess some part of me wanted to push you away so those feelings would stop trying to take over.” _

_ The admission somewhat stuns Alison, however she manages to keep it to herself while giving the girl a soft “Oh” in response. She wishes she could say something further, but the impact of the confession rattles around within her head and her tongue strives to spill some secrets of her own. In reality, although she’s gathering up a shock of courage to open her mouth and extend the conversation, Emily covers up her own nerves by pushing herself off the couch and turning around with a gentle grin to match narrowed eyes. _

_ “You like red wine, don’t you?” _

_ “Is that a question, or an assumption?” Alison squints while tilting her head to the side, reading the girl in front of her. _

_ Instead of answering, Emily’s smile grows and she walks away, making Alison raise her eyebrows with a curt, disbelieving yet amused laugh, throwing her voice to the brunette who’s now behind the couch, rummaging through the kitchen’s lower cabinets to find two glasses. _

_ “What makes you think I’m staying?” _

_ “Nothing,” Emily straightens her back out as the glasses are placed on the counter. “I’m just hoping that you will.” _

_ Alison seems pleased with the response and Emily can tell, her features turning mildly shy and apprehensive. _

_ “Why?” the next wonder is airy and full of pressure that makes the brunette’s nerves skyrocket, her tongue pressing against her inner cheek while pouring two glasses of red wine. _

_ Her palms are flatly placed on the countertop once she’s finished, lifting her chin to look at Alison while declaring, “Because I’ve also recently realized that I barely know anything about you.” _

_ She pauses, Alison remaining motionless until her lips part when Emily finishes, “I want to change that. I want to learn about you.” _

It feels like days have passed following Alison’s most-recent, teasing comment, but the clock only ticks two minutes since either of them last spoke. In the meantime, both girls have been sucked into their thoughts, shuffling back on what they’ve learned about one another in the past however-many hours. They’ve touched upon the smallest things, simply flinging questions back and forth as if they’re teenagers participating in a makeshift, “20 Questions” type of game. It’s hardly gotten deeper, but they’ve certainly smiled a whole lot and the room feels warmer due to the mix of happiness and wine. Roughly, Emily’s listened to stories about Alison’s adventures with Spencer and CeCe, her hobbies outside of work (if you consider watching TV a hobby, as per the blonde girl, herself), and an assortment of her favorite things. On the other side of the conversation, Alison noted Emily’s history with her own friends (Toby included), some of her favorite foods, activities, etc., and, most recently, her out-of-work tendencies.

Alison, getting tired of the growing silence in a dimly lit room, eyes Emily in a way resembling adoration, a light smile on her face while she’s not looked at in return because, realistically, the brunette’s confidence has been fluctuating for most of her guest’s visit. Blue eyes bore into her temple, casually drifting downward while noting Emily’s outfit and, upon noticing her shirt, a tiny, breathy giggle comes from her throat and she bites the tip of her tongue when she’s turned to.

“Did you wear that shirt, specifically, because at least some part of you knew I was coming over?” Alison hints to the old, Red Sox t-shirt that’s on the girl’s torso.

Emily looks down to see what she’s talking about, soon chuckling, “No… I, um… got this shirt from my dad a long time ago. He’s a Phillies fan but I think he was just excited that he had someone else to talk baseball with, so he accepted my choice of team.”

Alison flashes her a cheesy smile while leaning her elbow on the back of the couch, getting more comfortable, “You’re really close with him, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, my whole family is kinda… tight-knit,” Emily feels herself blushing because of how sparkling eyes are staring at her. “Well, ‘whole family’ meaning me, Mom, and Dad.”

“I like that,” her lower lip is gingerly bitten between her teeth. “Have you heard from him?” she flashes back to her first, work conversation with the girl sitting next to her, being reminded of how distracted she appeared ━ even if there was an additional reason.

“Mhm,” Emily nods quickly and happily, “he called yesterday. We didn’t talk for long but it was nice to hear his voice.”

“I bet,” Alison doesn’t stray from studying her features, her demeanor at-ease and content. “And has he always been in the Army?”

“For as long as I can remember. He’d leave for months at a time, but, when he visited, it felt like he was only back for days before leaving again.”

“I’m sorry.”

“We have some good memories, though,” the response comes out rushed, hoping she didn’t kill the lightness of their conversation. 

Alison raises her eyebrows, intrigued, “Like what?”

“Just…” she’s evidently hesitant and Alison can tell so she doesn’t nudge the girl along at the moment ━ not to say she doesn’t make a mental note to pry later.

Emily sucks in a sharp breath, “They’re just things that would seem meaningless to other people, but they mean a lot to me. Those are my memories. Scattered, little things.”

Alison nods, not giving her a solid response because she can tell Emily needs room to breathe for a decent amount of time.

“What about your family?” the tables are turned and Alison squints one eye in thought, focus drifting to the windows as she looks past Emily.

“Well, my parents live a little bit away from here in my childhood home,” she begins. “I don’t see them very often but we’re on solid ground. Maybe we’re not as close as  _ your  _ family, but I enjoy it. We get together every once in a while for a nice dinner. Even my brother joins sometimes, but it’s harder for him since he’s off living in different states and countries.”

“Traveling sounds nice,” is her only comment, Alison raising her eyebrows in agreement.

“Yeah, but it’s for work.”

“What does he do?”

“Management.”

Emily beams in a teasing manner, “Oh, so this is a family business?” 

“I guess you could say that,” the response comes out through a laugh, Alison nodding and, afterwards, pressing her tongue to her inner cheek.

“But you still love it,” it’s more of a statement than a question, Emily mimicking the other girl’s position on the couch as they each have one knee on the center cushion. 

“I do,” confirmation comes matched with a tender smile. “I’m good at it  _ and  _ I love it.”

“So I’ve been told.”

Emily’s confident words make both of them flash back to the night they first met, remembering how airy everything felt and wishing they could go through it again. Alison ends up blushing when she remembers how invested in Emily she felt ━  _ still  _ feels ━ and how she wanted to stay out all night to spend more time with her, much like right now.

It’s different in the current moment, however, because this conversation has welcomed a totally different vibe to their relationship ━ or whatever it’s called ━ and now Alison has placed genuine trust in the girl she’s sitting next to, wanting her to know as much as she can but also fearing the idea of letting the brunette in too deeply. She still feels a blockage when it comes to accepting the fact that they obviously have something between them regardless of whatever is  _ trying  _ to stand in their way, and she knows what’s causing it, but spilling information about her past has never come easy and she’s not sure where to start. 

Alison takes a deep breath that Emily hears, sounding like it’s about to introduce something that’s hard to talk about. It doesn’t push her away or upset her like in prior conversations, thankfully, and Emily is able to ask, “What’s on your mind?” with a wholehearted sense of care. 

“I don’t want to assume, but I was wondering…” the beginning of the topic is shaky, Alison peering upward as her head is bowed, wanting to see Emily but not having the guts to completely stare into her eyes, “how much of my phone call at work did you hear?”

“Well,” it’s not like she wants to be truthful because she’s still a bit taken aback by what she discovered, but she licks her lips in thought, “I found out that you were married and are now divorced,” looking up to see Alison appearing sheepish, she continues to tread carefully, “and, according to what I heard, he’s not leaving you alone.”

Alison nods, more so to herself, as she decides that it’s time to come clean.

“I got married years ago after dating this guy for a while. He was older than me so I figured he’d be more mature and, for most of our relationship, he was. He was sweet and considerate, and…” she emphatically shrugs while pausing, Emily getting comfortable nearby. “But that changed once we got married. Even before we tied the knot, I felt myself falling out of love with him, and I couldn’t give you a good reason as to why I went through with it. Maybe I wanted to force it to work out.”

Emily pays attention while bringing the wineglass to her lips, afterward putting it down in its former place.

“Around the same time,” Alison hesitates, “I worked in a similar position as I do now but in a smaller company. I had stayed there for years and it was almost like my home away from home. I liked the people and the atmosphere…  _ everything _ .”

Her absentminded, reminiscent state is broken up with a growing smile, “I actually met Spencer there, and CeCe was already her friend, so we all clicked after a little bit.”

Emily nods, her heart fluttering when she sees the gratefulness strewn across Alison’s features.

“I had it all, or at least on the surface,” her voice lowers. “Elliott, my ex-husband, didn’t like that. He didn’t find my success appealing. He didn’t  _ say  _ those words, but he didn’t have to. Each time I’d inch closer to a promotion for the sake of  _ my  _ happiness, he’d try to pull me back.”

“How?” it comes with a frown.

Alison shakes her head with a sad laugh, “He’d constantly push to start a family. That’s the excuse he used the most. It’d always be my fault that we weren’t actively trying to get pregnant. I mean, we  _ weren’t _ , but…”

Emily looks around the room with a shifted jaw, coming off out-of-place as Alison notices and rubs her lips together.

“Sorry, details,” she makes a face, Emily breathing out a laugh ━ although, internally, she’s thankful for the stoppage in that explanation. 

“Did you even want a family with him?” after ten seconds, Emily’s question is careful.

“No,” the answer is almost immediate. “I guess part of it  _ is  _ my fault. After all, I was never honest with him about it.” 

Alison moves along the cushion, straightening her back out and sitting upright, completely facing Emily. She plays with her hands in her lap, continuing her internal thought process as brown eyes watch her self-distracting motions.

“I think I wanted to start one before we were actually married, but, once he didn’t stop bugging me about it, I was done. With everything,” she mutters the final, two words. 

“It’s  _ not  _ your fault,” Emily is quick to comfort her with a stern voice. “If you think he was pushing for it  _ just  _ because you were getting further in your career, it’s definitely not your fault. Even if he was being sincere, it still wouldn’t be your fault.”

Alison nods and feels confident enough in trusting Emily with the next thing she needs to say, rubbing her arms while deciding to take a chance as she whispers, “A part of why I can’t give myself to you is his fault.”

Emily can’t find it in her to answer, but she frowns in a quizzical way, forehead creasing while falling silent and partly stunned. 

She takes it as a green light to explain, “After I finally told him that I didn’t want to start a family, he went ballistic. Not in a physical sense, but… he  _ did  _ threaten me. He told me that, since I was being watched by a supervisor to see if I was qualified for a higher position, he was going to go to them and expose an affair I had with a coworker.” 

The other girl’s mouth opens.

Regretfully, she further shines a light on one of the darker areas of her past so Emily will understand, “He didn’t like how involved I was with my job and claimed it was taking over our life together, so he wanted to take care of it. At the same time, he was convinced I slept with this other guy and that’s why I didn’t want a family… because I was about to leave him for someone else.”

Emily’s eyes drift to the floor beneath the coffee table, sometimes flickering back to Alison with a reserved attitude because she really wants to ask if it’s true, but━ 

“I see that look and, to answer your question, no… I never slept with the guy,” she wants to laugh at the brunette’s obvious curiosity, but only rolls her eyes at the memory. “I briefly dated him in college so we had known each other for a few years by the time this happened, but no. We never went that far, even when we dated.”

Her sincerity gets a nod from Emily.

“That was the final straw for me, though. Him doing that,” the blonde shifts her jaw. “I wasn’t going to be with someone who’d manipulate me. I know I’m better than that and, even back then, I knew I deserved more.”

After pausing for three seconds, she breathes out, “So, I left. I told him I’m done and the divorce process started,” swallowing hard, her voice drops, “but he went through with his threat, anyway, and told my supervisor that I was sleeping with whoever-the-hell. I don’t even remember his name.” 

Alison rubs her face and Emily can nearly feel her repressed anger and regret from where she sits.

“What happened?” is the only thing she can find to ask, Alison giving her a small, dark chuckle.

“They only questioned  _ me  _ about it. No one else,” the following smile is sad. “I gave them every reason to believe that Elliott was lying, but… they were on the fence about believing me. Part of me thinks it’s because I was technically the guy’s superior, but, realistically, I know that can’t be the only reason,” she bows her head.

Her jaw shifts, hesitating before recalling, "It fucking sucked because I was loyal to them for so long, but I guess that’s how the world works. Spencer was the only one there who believed me, and she left the company once I quit because of that bullshit. She didn’t think it was fair of them to…” no more words come out.

Emily frowns once everything is in the air, sensing a wave of guilt coming to hit her straight in the face, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I know you didn’t,” she hopes that the brunette knows she isn’t sharing this to make her feel shitty. “I try to keep that part of my past hidden away. It’s not something I like to relive. It’s not something I’m proud of, even if I didn’t exactly do anything wrong.” 

Taking a minute to gather herself, Alison looks at Emily and can tell that her demeanor is torn in plenty of areas, seeming like she wants to ask a plethora of questions even though she doesn’t have the courage to. The blonde knows what she’s thinking about and, honestly, it’s the same as what she, herself, is trying to decipher: where does this leave them?

Alison plays with her nails, wanting to distract herself once more while lifting her eyes to meet Emily’s when they’re surprisingly staring at her with questions swirling within. Like before, Alison decides to take a chance and give herself to Emily in a subtle way, wishing it’d be enough but knowing it probably won’t be ━ for either of them.

“When I say I can’t do this, it’s not because I don’t want to,” her tone is kind but upset with what’s coming from her own mouth. “It’s because I  _ can’t  _ do this. Emotionally, mentally…” the thought, alone, makes her panic, although she’d thoroughly love to fall into Emily and be cared for in a way she  _ knows  _ the brunette could provide.

Emily’s not the only one who’s torn, and Alison acknowledges that.

And maybe it’s time she sits herself down to think things through even further because God only knows she wishes she could crawl across the couch and pray that positive, kissable actions speak louder than her negative words have. Her tongue drags along her lower lip at a slow rate, thinking about letting herself go for the night but, truly, that wouldn’t be fair to Emily and she knows it; she certainly can’t make any bold moves until she has a solid day of “can I, can’t I?” debating ━ not to say she’s looking forward to it. No matter what she’s said in prior minutes, the information sticking between them now, there’s still that shimmer of hope and desire ━ something that’s still strengthening and unwavering, even when she repeatedly reminds herself that, no, this can’t happen.

If it wasn’t suppose to happen, then she wouldn’t be this drawn to it and this happy about something that could potentially harm her ━ or is that her fondness of the concept of “fate” talking? 

Emily, sitting on the opposite side of the couch, takes time to revel in Alison’s words and attitude, noting the drastic change and opposing elements strewn within; the blonde looks conflicted, to put it gently, and perhaps their demeanors mirror one another because, hell, they both feel like they’re being torn in half. Nevertheless, Emily feels that it’s time for her to speak up because she wants Alison to know that she’s not trying to make this any more difficult for her, so she inhales deeply and exhales the same, pursing her lips before glancing in the girl’s direction.

“I want to understand your side of things, and someday I will, but right now… it’s hard,” it’s quiet and she has to pause, putting together a new train of thought with apprehension because she hasn’t made a flat-out confession like this in a long time ━ not directly to whom it’s about. 

She mutters while looking down, stuttering through the admission, “I━I feel something for you, and that,  _ alone _ , is difficult for me because I haven’t felt strongly for anyone in a while. Not for someone who doesn’t have bad intentions, at least. The last person…” her throat tightens up, “she wasn’t good for me.”

Alison feels her heart beginning to ache on Emily’s behalf, the girl’s voice cracking once during when she spoke and the sound all but drove into the blonde like a truck. She wants to match Emily’s words regarding their feelings but ends up feeling like the situation from her past needs to be addressed. 

“It’s her loss,” she wants to say something more, though, honestly, what else  _ could  _ she say? 

“Maybe,” Emily flashes a small smile, staring down, “but I feel like I’m the one who lost something.”

“Like what?”

“A piece of myself,” she whispers and Alison swallows hard; the blonde knows how it feels, but this isn’t her story and Emily deserves to express how she feels freely.

Instead, sensing that the brunette doesn’t enjoy being vulnerable for far too long, Alison manages to force a kind smile onto her own face while complimenting, “Well, believe me, the pieces you still have make up a great person.”

Emily rolls her eyes halfheartedly with a dopey grin, “Fifty percent of our conversations have been full of snapping and bitterness. You can’t possibly think I’m great. I wouldn’t.”

“That’s not true,” it comes out through a sing-song tone, Alison afterwards flattening her voice into something more serious yet remaining subtly playful. “Don’t forget I know how to read you. I see you, Em. The real you,” the nickname makes them both feel softer, the girl in mention shyly smiling through blushing cheeks and a bitten lip. 

Alison continues quietly, “If it wasn’t for…” it fades quickly but without notice, deciding against finishing the sentence and instead skipping to the final part, “I’m sure we wouldn’t have so many shaky conversations.”

Instantly, Emily grows quiet although a smile remains on her face in the meantime, her overall body language turning timid and fragile. Alison feels it too but doesn’t portray it as much, simply staring at the brunette’s side profile with gentle eyes. She begs to meet Emily’s, but, once they actually make eye contact, Alison feels her heart skip once and tries not to reveal how wishful she’s getting. 

“You’re never going to let me get over you, huh?” Emily teases with no sense of smugness, however maybe a tint of tiredness because the girl’s words and glances are so heavy and beautiful that she wants to be smothered with them. 

Alison’s following laugh is short and barely heard, “I’m sorry. I just…” a pause interrupts her sentence, nearly telling Emily that she can’t help herself but decides to go a different route. “Believe it or not, it’s not any easier for me.”

“Why not?”

She knew she’d ask but it still makes her throat tense, ending up whispering a confession of her own.

“Because I never planned on liking someone so soon after Elliott, especially in these circumstances, and you’ve completely derailed everything I’ve imagined,” Alison chews her lower lip, soon adding something spoken even quieter. “In the best way.”

“I’m sorry,” she sounds the opposite, a smirk tugging at one corner of her mouth.

“No, you’re not,” the blonde chuckles.

“I’m not.”

Alison laughs harder and Emily does the same, nodding a bit before their entertainment wears off within the following seconds. The brunette squints one eye and thinks to herself before voicing her next thought. 

“I don’t want to be  _ that  _ person, but I’ll be here if you change your mind,” although she sounds childish and teasing, she’s mostly serious and they both note it.

The blonde gets back into her former position with her elbow on the back of the couch, Emily carefully mimicking her body language as they read one another. Blue eyes narrow more, a judgmental smile appearing across her mouth as Emily tilts her head to the side in question.

“You’ll be waiting… with your other lady friends,” Alison raises her eyebrows in an attempt to cover up her jealousy ━ albeit she fails. 

“I don’t have any,” Emily decides against picking apart the girl’s solid, defensive front. 

“Since when? Weren’t you just talking to Hanna and Aria about sleeping with someone?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about your little fit of jealousy,” Emily can’t help herself and giggles while turning away, Alison rolling her eyes with a red-handed smile. “That’s an old ‘lady friend,’ if it makes you feel any better.”

“Mm,” internally, it’s a bit relieving to know, but she sure as hell won’t give Emily that satisfaction when things are seemingly growing playful; having the upper-hand is her best weapon. 

After a short second of squinting her eyes again, Alison decides to cover all bases to give herself a peace of mind, “And the girl I saw you with last night?”

Emily’s mouth opens in an amused way, her eyebrows raising, “Were you spying on me?”

“This isn't about me,” the response is quick, the blonde sealing her lips once it’s out.

Brown eyes stare at her for a little longer, “Mona’s a longtime friend. I actually think you'd like her. She gives good advice.”

Part of her wants Alison and Mona to discuss things, mainly in a helpful sort of way so they can confront this entire, work thing on a boss-to-boss basis, but the other portion of her mind fears the two getting together because, shit, who knows what the dark-haired girl would spill.

“Is that why you two were hanging out yesterday?” Alison asks, curiosity becoming hard to ignore.

“I needed advice, yeah,” she nods.

Although she wants to know what they spoke about, Alison doesn’t push it and gives the girl a reprieve. They fall silent again, becoming comfortable and feeling un-awkward about spending time together; something about Emily makes her not care about her everyday woes and, realistically, this night has become a risk she’s glad she took. In fact, it makes her want to take more which is absolutely terrifying, but possibly that’ll be good for her. 

Alison reaches for her wineglass and carefully takes a sip to finish the beverage, placing it down just as Emily randomly mutters, “I haven’t wanted to find anyone. Not lately.”

“Really?” Alison moves her legs a bit once they begin to cramp up, noticing that they’re a bit closer but not minding it.

“Mhm,” it’s sincere and the blonde tilts her head to the side.

“What changed?”

“You,” the lone word holds a lot of weight, sounding serious but, as a first reaction, Alison uses Emily’s fibbing tone from before.

“I’m sorry.”

Emily, picking up on the parallel, laughs and shakes her head with a mocking, “No, you’re not.”

They laugh together, enjoying the company on a dark, Wednesday night. Emily clears her throat once she’s settled down, Alison’s eyes drifting to the side of the room and studying the space once more because she wishes she could live somewhere so comfortable like this place. She’s admired the room time and time again during this visit and Emily’s noticed, paying attention to the blonde’s blue eyes sparkling with interest and fondness about everything from the walls to the open kitchen. Emily, herself, isn’t the most intrigued by the apartment because she’s been here for a bit now and, to be blunt, it’s not that impressive since it’s compact with scattered, personal things and darker decor that makes it look almost like a bachelor pad, but she can respect the fact that Alison must love that aesthetic more than the sleek furnishings she’s used to.

“Can I be honest about something?” a cautious yet bashful voice breaks Emily out of her imagination, looking to see the blonde’s cheeks appearing a faded color of red ━ and not because of the wine.

“Of course.”

“You can’t judge me,” Emily earns a stern finger-point, holding her hands up in response.

Alison breathes out, “I’ll admit… I didn’t call you into my office that one day because I wanted to talk about your productivity. I mean, I did… but it was just an excuse.”

“Wait, so my numbers were  _ fine _ ?” the brunette feigns hurt, forehead creasing.

“Yeah, they’re actually very impressive,” Alison purses her lips and nods, more so to herself, as Emily’s mouth drops.

“Okay, so what was the real reason for calling me into your office?” Emily knows the answer but wants to hear it from the girl sitting next to her, watching the blonde bite her lower lip and brown eyes stare for a bit too long, wanting to look away but not having the attention span to do so.

“Speaking of work…” again, Alison doesn’t give her the satisfaction and, instead, changes the subject, looking like she’s trying to stop herself from seeming too shy. “Are you going to the banquet on Friday?” Emily picks up on the hopeful nature strewn within the question.

“Um,” the brunette hums, shrugging her shoulders, “should I?”

“I am,” she tries to make it seem like she doesn’t care about the event, looking down as she removes her bent legs from the couch and stretches them by pressing her feet to the ground.

Emily narrows her eyes in an attempt to access her body language and what’s hidden behind it, nodding slowly and not giving her another answer on the subject. Even if she wanted to, she doesn’t have a chance because, within the next ten seconds, Alison glances at the time on the girl’s cable box and gets out a quiet “Wow.”

“One-ten,” regretfully, Alison turns back to Emily. “Looks like it’s time for me to go.”

She begrudgingly gets up after a final look-over, inadvertently roaming Emily’s outfit before getting to her feet and stretching with a casual manner. Emily follows suit quickly, watching Alison walk away and being distracted by nothing in particular for a short moment before finding herself blurting out something that she probably shouldn’t. 

“You don’t have to.”

Alison quirks an eyebrow once she looks over her shoulder, cautiously turning around and raising her chin a fraction. She lingers near the doorway, Emily’s body language sheepish and timid like it had been when they first came face to face tonight. 

“We have work in the morning.”

Emily licks her lips, “I know, but… you can stay here,” the proposal is ready to collapse (much like herself) and she knows it sounds stupid, but it’s late and Alison seems to like her place, anyway ━ okay, so maybe that last one is just an excuse she wants to use from now on, but it’s not like she’s wrong.

She offers further, “I’ll take the couch and you can steal my bed for the night.”

Alison leans against the door, cracking a tiny smile, “Honestly, I would, but I don’t see that helping either one of us.”

“Are you afraid I’ll sneak into the bed while you’re asleep?” she jokes.

“Not afraid, no,” it’s teasing, Alison matching her tone before turning it into something a tad more smitten and brutally honest. “I’d probably want you to. That’s why I can’t stay. Not tonight.”

She knows she shouldn’t have added those final, two words, but they spilled from her lips as soon as they formulated and now she’s stuck attempting to cover up her own surprise ━ with the help of Emily’s next statement. 

“I understand.”

“It’s okay if you don’t,” Alison whispers, the brunette standing only three feet away. 

“No, I do,” she pauses to think, hesitating. “Before tonight, I thought you were pushing me away only because of work and that ticked me off, as shitty as it sounds. Now I know it’s deeper and I guess that makes it easier to understand.”

Alison’s eyes drift to the floor, only peering up at Emily for a split second while muttering, “But it doesn’t make it hurt any less,” and looking away like before.

“Are you asking, or telling me?” the brunette detects her regret and reserved attitude, partly frowning while trying to understand.

“Both.”

She doesn’t want to say it doesn’t hurt because, fuck, it’s one of the most damaging things she’s felt in a while and the thought of seeing Alison for a long,  _ long  _ time ━ every single day ━ is a rough, exhausting thought on it’s own when it comes to the emotions within the walls of her body, so she settles on claiming, “I’ll be okay,” with a careful nod.

Alison bows her head again when she gets hit with a newer wave of sadness, back resting against the door.

“Will  _ you _ ?” Emily keeps her voice low when Alison won’t look at her, blue eyes hesitantly meeting hers.

“I still have some things to think about,” honesty flows naturally from the two girls, Alison biting the tip of her tongue and staring into brown, questioning eyes.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“You’ll get an answer once I think about those things,” she covers up her insecurities with a growing smile, albeit it falters every now and then and Emily can see it.

“Okay,” the cryptic response is granted a short acceptance.

Neither girl wants to say goodnight, so the two seem out-of-place as they linger near the apartment door. Emily rubs her arm in quietness while Alison has her palms placed against the wooden barrier behind her body, trying to keep herself from taking a few steps forward and connecting their lips like she’s wanted to for hours now. Suddenly, Emily mumbles, “Hold on,” and walks away with Alison furrowing her eyebrows in confusion because of the random, nervous attitude, but her questions are answered after a solid, thirty seconds when the brunette returns with a small piece of paper. Emily stares at it until she carefully places it between Alison’s fingers with a gentle “Here.”

Looking down, Alison notes the girl’s phone number and doesn’t get a chance to face Emily once more before hearing the explanation, “I don’t care if you save it or not, and I know it’s a short drive, but please tell me when you get home.”

Alison can’t help but smile big at the sentiment, nodding with a comforting “I promise” prior to her hand reaching for the doorknob as she pushes herself away from the opening of the door. She unlatches it within seconds, at first hesitating and wanting to turn around but, for the sake of both of them, passes over the threshold. Emily follows her into the hallway, seeing the girl look over her shoulder once more with a smile. 

They don’t say anything to extend the visit and Alison maximizes the space between them quickly, moving toward the stairs with intent because, if she takes any more time to delay her exit, she’ll probably make a bold move that could ruin everything they just built. So, without another second passing, she opens the door to the stairwell and gives Emily a final smile ━ this one more adoring ━ before disappearing out of sight.

The brunette wants to follow her or at least walk her to the complex’s front door but refuses to let herself, all but glueing her feet to the floor until twenty seconds pass. She hesitates when turning back to walk into her apartment but manages after an internal struggle, closing and locking the door behind her. At first, she simply leans against the door and tilts her head back with her eyes tightly closed; the night went more smoothly than she imagined but, obviously, she’s beyond thankful and hopes it’ll happen again soon. Who knows if it will, but at least now it feels like she’s gained a sense of closure and perhaps that’s the most relieving part; even though she feels way more tangled up in her feelings than she had before tonight, she doesn’t feel resentful anymore and her body feels lighter. It’s nice, she decides, and bites her inner cheek while pushing herself away from the door, kicking the floor beneath her feet because she has no idea what to do with herself until she receives a text saying Alison’s home. 

Her eyes search the room, set on cleaning up and throwing herself into bed because she’s finally growing tired and maybe this’ll be the night she’s able to sleep soundly ━ or, opposing that, possibly Alison will be so far ingrained into her fresh memory that she’ll simply daydream with closed eyes. That’s better than no rest, Emily makes a face with raised eyebrows, placing the two, empty wineglasses in the base of the sink and taking a deep breath.

While she shuts off the mainspace’s lights, she finds herself repeatedly glancing at the clock and wondering how long it’s been since Alison drove off. Realistically, merely five minutes have passed since Emily pushed herself away from the door, but it feels like she’s been gone forever and the brunette seals her lips shut because the anticipation is going to strangle her before she actually receives the “I’m home” text. Looking around and seeing that everything is settled for the night, she lingers in the quietness of the now-dark apartment with her hands on her hips before shaking her head a fraction and dragging herself toward the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Her hands clumsily fumble for her toothbrush and toothpaste, staring at herself in the mirror and tilting her head to the side because she’s not sure what she sees and it’s unsettling but also a bit intriguing. Before she met Alison, her confidence was on fire but her internal outlook was muddy whereas now every inch of her concentrated atmosphere feels altered in a vast assortment of senses; instead of being straight-forward and going with the “I know what I want and I’m going to get it” mindset for everything, Emily now second-guesses most things (including her own choices), she takes time to remember the pieces of advice she’s collected from friends, and she feels changed. Sure, maybe sometimes she still resorts back to her old ways, but━

She hears her phone chime from the edge of the kitchen counter, first looking like a deer caught in headlights before finishing up with brushing her teeth. When she exits the bathroom all ready for bedtime, her phone is still lit up from the notification and she can vaguely make out an unknown number on her screen with a message. Her mouth curves into a smitten grin, having to clear her throat while actually opening the message once her screen shuts off:

_ “Are you sure this wasn’t just a plan so you’d finally get my number?” _

Emily smiles hard at the message and can’t stop her face from warming up, ultimately biting the tip of her tongue and quickly going to reply while turning toward her room at the west end of her apartment, just hidden behind the kitchen and adjacent to the bathroom. It’s a short hallway and not much of a task, but her feet drag as she thinks about what to type because she doesn’t feel like walking into any doors after having such a nice night. The message sparks a question in her mind, not knowing if she should save the girl’s number and ultimately deciding that she’ll wait on doing so ━ for Alison’s comfort. 

Before she can finally message back once she zones in on the budding conversation, she sees Alison typing once more, the next text reading:

_ “I’m home safely.” _

She realizes that the girl is likely trying to keep them from heading into way-too-flirtatious territory, still not being able to wipe the smile off her face.

**E** ━ “Thank you for letting me know.”

**A** ━ “I told you I would.”

The brunette’s thumbs hover above her phone’s keyboard, wanting to extend the conversation but not knowing how, and, according to the time, they should be sleeping, anyway. She makes a face at no one in particular, setting the phone down near her pillow while pulling her jeans off at a mindless rate, constantly (and maybe permanently) stuck in her own thoughts and daydreams. She looks down at her shirt next, gingerly picking at the material and smiling before deciding to leave it on so she can get into bed and feel comfortable sooner. Breathing out, moonlight seeps into her bedroom to illuminate just enough, the brunette sliding under the covers and leaning her head back into the pillow while staring at the ceiling. Meanwhile, her phone brightens the ceiling and she reaches for the device, wondering if it’s still Alison messaging her and, within the next second, it’s confirmed.

**A** ━ “Thank you for inviting me over and listening to me. I had a nice night.”

Emily feels butterflies go free in her stomach, also feeling annoyed by the sensation because these emotions aren’t going to be easy to escape when everything Alison does and says affects her in a bubbly way. She wants to ask when they’ll be able to do it again, but her thumbs don’t follow direction and she’s stuck staring at her phone screen like a dumbfounded idiot. It was never this difficult before, Emily rolls her eyes; she used to simply reply the first thing that came to mind and it’d usually be the most flirtatious response in the world, but, right now, she’s stumped. Like before, she doesn’t even get a chance to say anything before Alison is typing once more, Emily automatically feeling guilty for not being able to find something nice to say that doesn’t cross any boundaries because, quite frankly, the lines are still blurred and Alison doesn’t seem to want to change that too soon.

**A** ━ “Goodnight.”

It’s followed by a heart emoji that Emily smiles at, this time jumping to answer before her confidence falls flat on its face.

**E** ━ “Come back soon.”

To cover her tracks in hopes that Alison doesn’t get too confused about it because that’s all she, herself, has been feeling, another message is sent.

**E** ━ “Goodnight, Ali.”

She shortens the girl’s name for the first time and hopes the blonde catches it, finally sensing a new comfortability between them and using it to her advantage.

Their text conversation is left open for a short time longer, Emily wondering if Alison is bound to message back or if that was it. It takes fifteen minutes of app-hopping and excuses to remain on her phone before iMessage is closed, Emily deciding that it’s best if she forces herself to sleep because, that way, she’ll be able to ignore the voices in her head for a little longer. So, without delaying any longer, she places her phone on the bedside table so the screen is facing upward, afterwards adjusting her positioning on the bed as the metal, spindle headboard hits the wall with a subtle pinging noise that fades away as fast as it came. Emily’s body slumps against the mattress and she turns her head to the side, already growing restless.

A random thought pops into her mind once she shuts her eyes for longer than two minutes, however, and the idea of their work banquet appears, the girl debating on whether or not she should go. Alison evidently wants her to go, but for what reason? It’s not mandatory, nor does Emily talk to many other people on the floor (obviously besides her friends), but she doesn’t want to straight-up assume that the blonde only wants to see her instead of just wanting the brunette to participate in work-revolving things. She’d hate to let Alison down, so maybe she  _ should  _ go ━ and, yes, it’s a half-assed excuse but it’s good enough because, hell, she wants to see her just as much.

As her eyes remain sealed, attempting to sleep now that it’s nearing two o’clock in the morning, a small pattern of light disrupts the darkness and she tries to focus on what it is, spotting her phone on the end table and leaning over to check it. It’s another message from Alison, her hand reaching for the device as she surprisingly reads what she’s been sent.

**A** ━ “P.S. I’ll save your number.”

Her heart flutters again, the feeling never getting old even though it often makes her nauseous because of the newness. It gets so overwhelming this time, however, that she doesn’t even bother  _ trying  _ to find something to say, but quickly adds the girl’s number to her contacts, simply listed under “ _ Ali _ .” Emily smiles at the succession of getting Alison’s number, a sense of accomplishment slamming into her while she rolls onto her side with her phone resting safely in its designated spot on her bedside table. 

Getting Alison’s number may be an accomplishment, but it tastes far better knowing they’ve settled into being in each other’s lives instead of it potentially being used for a one-night stand.

There’s a bigger purpose, being in the form of fondness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, what smitten cuties. Looks like hard work pays off, in a way.
> 
> Wow, okay, there's a lot to discuss now that we've gotten deeper into Alison's mind. I guess we'll start with that: I admire Alison in this story (well, every story) because of her knowledge of self-worth. In previous fics I've written, she's normally very broken and loathing of who she used to be/the things she's done, but this story shows how she's confident which adds to the plot because too much confidence and independence sometimes becomes too much for one to handle/becomes too much in regards to juggling a relationship with another person, so we'll have to shift both of their personalities (Alison and Emily) to bring them together. On the other side of her personality, however, she's cracked, in some aspects; with Elliott, Alison was happy (not to say very) until their relationship became unbalanced. Elliott, when faced with his own insecurities, turned them into an unnecessary jealousy that changed him for the worse.
> 
> I think this is a very common yet unfortunate thing in relationships. A lot of times, a person will think they're losing their spouse/significant other because of a job or someone else. I'm guilty of being afraid of things like that, but it's up to the person who's afraid to deal with it properly. Elliott did not, and he was spiteful and tried to control Alison as much as he could because, in a way, he wanted to be the 'breadwinner' of their 'family.' So, he blackmailed Alison (in some light), and that's where her fears with Emily lie; she's finally happy with this job, and giving Emily the opportunity to mess that up is scary. I know some people may think, "Well, Emily's not Elliott and Alison should know that," and you're right... but it still doesn't make it any easier. The fact that Elliott used something having to do with a coworker to ruin her career just because he was a ticking time-bomb when it comes to his insecurities is very unsettling for Alison because of this worker/worker relationship she's nurturing with Emily.
> 
> This, obviously, is Alison's reasoning for being so scared; not necessarily the fact that they are coworkers, but the fact that she has issues with taking responsibility. Not because she's not mature enough, but because, when everything went down with Elliott, she fell into the thought process of she'll only get one strike before she's out. This idea caused her to believe that she can't make a lone mistake and she now has a fear of it. So, in turn, she never has the chance to mess up and take responsibility for her actions, so she doesn't want to take any risks. That'll change. After all, Alison still has some things to think about…
> 
> On the other side of things, we have Emily's characterization in this chapter; she's changed a lot since, say… when she first spoke to Alison at the office. She's become honest, especially with the line, "You were right when you suggested that I use your formal name when being defensive. I was picking on you because I'm afraid of my own feelings and I guess some part of me wanted to push you away so those feelings would stop trying to take over." Like, holy shit, that's massive, and it'll take a lot of strength to continue being this honest but she's going to try because, although (at this point) Alison says she can't do this "relationship," Emily feels like they gained a new connection ━ and they did.
> 
> A final thing I want to mention is their lack of strength when it comes to being mad at each other. It's going to be a constant concept and one that I very much love even though I'm sure quite a few of you won't agree with because it'll bring about some questionable choices. Either way, we're continuing with the trend that these two are only human, and that'll bring about obvious flaws but also ultimate improvement.
> 
> Does it seem like Emily accepted Alison's "invitation" to the banquet? I think so. Grab your Friday-night dresses, casual suits, and shiny shoes because that's where we're heading next.
> 
> I'll see you soon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all never cease being so sweet and supportive.
> 
> Seriously, I love getting messages that say I've made your day with an update (even if it isn't the happiest chapter), or I cheered you up, or you find me "the coolest" (hello, Tumblr tags), or you simply enjoy how I write. On days like yesterday, especially, when the date marked an anniversary that's important to how I've progressed since I hit rock bottom in 2010… your kindness and encouraging words mean so much. I know I always express those same "Thank you" and "They mean so much" phrases, but I've never had this type of support, so I'm beyond privileged to be receiving these messages nowadays. Thank you.
> 
> Anyway, *wipes tear* … yeah, last chapter was a nice opposition to how these two have been in recent moments, I agree. Soon, we'll see if we can keep up this positive attitude.
> 
> Now, I don't know how many of you follow me on Tumblr, but someone asked me to describe this chapter in one word. After careful selection, I replied, "Provocative," which you can define in any way you'd like. Just keep it in mind as you read.
> 
> Got your shiny shoes and nice attire ready? I do.

“Christ, you look hot,” Hanna ogles Emily, eyebrows raised with pursed lips and a slight smile that appears absolutely taken aback. “Who are you trying to impress?”

The question is so abrupt that the girl’s mouth drops open before partly closing in a stunned manner, hoping her two friends aren’t onto something as they continuously admire her actually pretty-basic outfit consisting of a tight-ish, white, button-up shirt with the sleeves cuffed near her elbows while the garment is tucked into skinny, black, dress-up pants. It’s really not that impressive, she comforts herself by thinking, but she can somewhat understand their interest because it’s not like she goes out of her way to look dressy often. Either way, their sparkling eyes with matching smirks seem all too knowing and Emily clears her throat, getting out a timid “Um…” as her makeup-surrounded focus shifts to the ground. Aria giggles a moment after, gingerly tapping Hanna on the shoulder with her small purse, saying, “It’s not like we always get dressed up, either.”

“I’m not so sure,” the blonde squints, forcibly turning to the (usually) shorter girl next to her as Aria shifts on her heels. “You  _ somehow  _ manage to wear skirts to work at least three times per week. This is just another day to you,” she teases with a dopey, taunting face.

“This isn’t a skirt,” she looks down with a huge frown, sounding offended. “It’s a dress.”

Emily breathes out when she hears the start to their impending banter, luckily able to allow her mind to drift in and out of the conversation with little to no trouble. They stand around in a wide, window-sided corridor with dimmed lights and music seeping into the space from the building’s rooftop full of their company’s workers ━ some they’ve never met before since they’re mainly on their own floor. The brunette, herself, searches the banquet in hopes of finding the one girl she came to see but realistically knows she hasn’t arrived yet because her eyes have been doing the same, scoping motion since their group got here only ten minutes ago.

She’s been missing Alison, in all honesty. After she left the other night (and following their texting conversation), Emily found the girl on her mind constantly ━ surprisingly without wishing the thoughts away. Their multiple conversations from Wednesday rang in her ears as she attempted to sleep that night, only being successful sometime after four in the morning which, ultimately, gave her a couple, solid hours before she had to wake up for work. 

Contrary to her normal, no-sleep attitude, Emily slid out of bed in an eager state to see Alison, exiting the elevator once she reached the floor to put on a smile when meeting up with her friends.

_ “Drugs again?” Hanna arches an eyebrow at her overwhelmingly airy demeanor, Emily rolling her eyes with a small chuckle. _

_ Emily goes to speak, being overrun by the same blonde who narrows her eyes with a curt “Wait a second…” _

_ Both brunettes wait, Aria side-eyeing Hanna who whispers rather loudly, “Did new-and-improved Emily have a setback last night? If you know what I mean━” _

_ “I know what you mean and no,” Emily cuts her off with an amused voice. “I had a nice night, but no.” _

_ “With someone?” Aria pries, hinting. _

_ She doesn’t get a chance to respond, her mouth only opening as she’s interrupted by a cheery “Good morning, everyone” coming from the blonde who just walked past them with a smile that Emily only caught a glimpse of. Her eyes follow the girl, however, and Hanna makes a face while pressing her tongue to her inner cheek. Aria, next to her, comments, “I guess everyone’s in a good mood this morning.” _

_ “You know,” Hanna swiftly faces her friends, motioning toward Alison’s office with her thumb, “she interests me.” _

_ Emily giggles because her friend is always hinting at the same thing, turning to look into the girl’s office and seeing blue eyes peer up at her for a split second, the corners of Alison’s mouth turning into a shy smile before she seemingly clears her throat and goes back to doing whatever. Neither Hanna nor Aria notice, the two trailing off into their own conversation as their third friend takes a deep breath, solely being drunk off the emotions streaming through her system due to the interaction she had with Alison just last night. _

Their good moods continued into today, as well, however Alison was stuck in a meeting for most of her shift (or so Emily overheard), so she was  _ unfortunately  _ able to get a majority of her work done with scarce distractions ━ aside from Hanna who kept asking what she should wear. It’s been nice, admittedly, feeling as though she’s less angry with the world and, now, she’s able to work with a drive that makes her feel confident ━ sure, it’s still new, but the thought is uplifting.

Brown eyes trail down to the phone in her hand, her palm turning upward while waking the device’s screen to see if she’s received any new texts. Much to her disappointment, she still hasn’t, and it’s been that way since the last, messaging conversation they had on Wednesday night ━ well, technically early Thursday morning. She’s forced herself to stop entering the iMessage app with hovering thumbs hoping to initiate a conversation with the blonde, keeping her phone in her pocket in a solid wish that she’ll forget that she (finally) has the girl’s number, to begin with; it was much easier to ignore the possibility of coming into contact with Alison when she didn’t have any way of reaching out to her, but maybe that’s obvious. Even today, after work, Emily thought she’d receive a message from Alison to ask if she made her decision on whether or not she’s going to tonight’s event, but nothing ever came and now the brunette is wondering if the girl, herself, decided to skip the banquet.

It doesn’t sound like she’s been scared off by the thought of meeting face to face once again, on the other hand, because Emily met up with Toby this morning and, apparently, Alison’s spoken to her friends about the situation.

_ “Look at you,” Emily smiles, her tone teasing and unrelenting. “Goin’ on dates and such.” _

_ Toby shakes his head and sits on the bench with the girl, watching her fiddle with the water bottle in her hands while taking a breather.  _

_ “See, aren’t you happy I made you go to the bar with me?” she jokingly continues while staring at the object in her palms, pressing her fingers into the plastic and denting it repeatedly. _

_ “I feel like you’re expecting a ‘thank you’ and you’re not going to get one,” his eyes narrow, both laughing until Toby clears his throat and the surrounding atmosphere shifts. “What about you?” _

_ “What about me?” Emily turns her head. _

_ “How are you and Alison?” _

_ “Um,” wanting to give him minimal details because she’s not exactly sure where they stand since the girl’s words and actions kind of conflict (often, at that), she releases a sigh and shrugs one shoulder, “we’re talking.” _

_ Toby nods once, humming, “Did you know she’s talked to Spencer and CeCe about you?” _

_ The question makes her furrow her eyebrows, turning to Toby who nods with “you heard me correctly,” hinting features. Emily frowns as she faces the front of the training room once more, shaking her head with a soft “No, I… I didn’t think she would.” _

_ “She told them that you’re different,” Toby notifies. “That… you listened to her talk about her past and you understood why she’s so hesitant.”  _

_ Emily shifts her jaw in a nervous way, afterwards muttering a half-assed and almost silent “Yeah, I did.” _

_ “They’re worried about her, Em. Not in a scared way, but… they’re cautious.” _

_ “Why?” the brunette’s heart sinks. “They don’t trust me?” _

_ “It’s not that. When I was talking to Spencer, she said that she’s nervous because she knows that Alison’s past stained her perception on good people after… I don’t know, I guess her ex used to be an okay guy until he… wasn’t.” _

_ “I know,” Emily mutters. _

_ “But she’s also kinda nervous because this is a work thing. Like… no matter what, this is work-related and probably will affect a lot,” he stresses, “especially if and when people find out.” _

_ Emily sees him wanting to say something further, so she keeps her lips sealed while her friend seemingly has some sort of conflicting argument in his head. Finally, after ten seconds or so, Toby looks at the floor and keeps his voice solid. _

_ “You better not use this girl, Emily,” it sounds less like a warning but more as if he’s begging for her to listen. “If you and her end up doing whatever… it better be real. This can’t be some one-night thing.” _

_ She licks her lips in thought, at first remaining silent with an attitude that isn’t offended but understanding and accepting, ultimately swallowing hard, lifting her chin a bit, and forcing out the words, “I really like her.” _

_ It comes out shakier than she intended, but the timidity makes Toby smile without him really revealing the emotion. _

_ “I think she really likes you, too,” he pauses, leaving a hint of hesitation in the air until he’s able to turn to his friend again with the question, “Can I ask you something?” _

_ She only looks at him. _

_ “Are you committed?” it’s frank and immediate, Emily not steering away from the conversation. “This whole thing… are you ready for that? If she said she was, too.” _

Her memory is completely derailed when she’s staring at the end of the long hallway, only to have her view disrupted by the blonde that’s been on her mind for what feels like forever. Instantly, her posture straightens and her throat feels like it’s tightening while her stomach flips. This time, when she’s unable to cover up her blatant surprise and attraction, her friends notice her change in attitude and turn to see Alison approaching with a smile and intentful body language that displays confidence with a taste of seduction. Emily wants to tear her eyes away for the sake of not acting inappropriate on a “work-night,” but she can’t and, for this situation, she gives up on trying. Her focus roams the blonde’s outfit, noting what looks like a silky smooth, tight yet conforming, and above-knee-length dress of a charcoal color with a shimmering accent here and there. The garment is held in place by slender straps which are covered in wavy, blonde hair, and its neckline shoots downward with a sharp v-shape to reveal a good amount of cleavage that’s classy yet captivating, her feet set in heels that make her the same height as the brunette she set out to render speechless. Her makeup isn’t any less prominent, either, being dark and bold but still so subtle and soft that Emily feels mesmerized where she stands.

Her stunned expression is covered with a frown when Hanna elbows her in the side, Alison sealing her lips because she wants to laugh whereas Aria beams at their boss’ dress with a complimentary “You look beautiful” that gets run-over by Hanna’s “You look  _ hot _ .”

“Thank you,” it’s flirtatious and Emily’s lips part as she sucks in a breath, hoping no one heard it. “You guys don’t look so bad, yourselves,” her words become teasing, blue eyes flickering to the girl who hasn’t said a word since she approached, inadvertently checking her out.

Hanna notes the other blonde’s eyes roaming, snickering, “Yeah, I was just as surprised as you are.”

“Sorry, hm?” Alison gets lost, having to blink and make a face to pretend like her heart rate didn’t just spike.

“Emily never dresses up,” Hanna answers, turning to the brunette in mention and hinting at the fact that the sight is fresh and different.

Alison hums, eyes drifting up and down the girl’s outfit and licking the inner part of her bottom lip before giving Emily a devilish grin while talking to Hanna, “She should do it more often.”

“I agree,” Aria nods, looking at the brunette who’s been put on the spot.

“I don’t know,” Hanna disagrees. “What if ‘old Emily’ makes a comeback?”

Brown eyes widen in response, though Aria scolds on her behalf with a dull “Leave her alone, Hanna.”

“I’m just kidding,” she whines. “Jeez,” a huff follows.

“ _ Old _ Emily?” Alison asks, feeling curious as the girl directly in front of her wants to walk away and hide ━ or fight Hanna.

“Player Emily,” the other blonde breathes out, “but I was kidding, so, if you’ll excuse me.”

She walks away without another word, her friends watching her attitude turn irritated and focused on moving into the banquet to get lost somewhere. Aria faces Emily with a quizzical expression, the other girl offering one of her own while Alison mindlessly notes the brunette’s features and seals her lips.

“Has she seemed off to you, too?” Aria whispers to Emily, the girl making a confused sound before muttering, “It’s Hanna. Her  _ normal  _ is off.”

“More so than usual, I mean.”

“I don’t know,” Emily shrugs. “She’s always been intent on discussing my sex life,” she rolls her eyes and mumbles, Alison doing the same but in a much more discreet manner as her arms cross in front of her, trying to focus elsewhere.

“ _ Again _ , more so than usual,” Aria appears unmoved and concerned. “Even the other day, she drifted and started acting all… determined to talk about everything  _ but  _ herself.”

She stares at Hanna who lingers near the bar set out in the middle of the banquet area, unresponsive.

“She keeps saying that  _ you’re  _ acting different lately, but I’m not sure she realizes that she is, too.”

Emily glances toward Alison to make sure she didn’t hear what Aria said, but it doesn’t exactly matter because she did and the brunette averts her eyes immediately afterward with a redirecting “So, you think something’s wrong?”

“Yeah, I do,” Aria says with a sad smile, slumping her shoulders and making a face before claiming, “I’m gonna go check on her.”

“Want me to come with you?” Emily hopes she says yes, not wanting to be left alone with Alison because she already feels like her heart is in her throat.

“No, stay,” her voice is light, eyebrows raised. “I don’t want Hanna to feel cornered. You know how she gets,” the girl’s face says it all, Emily nodding while watching her walk off before her eyes slam shut and she bows her head.

Alison catches her trying to escape the situation by simply standing in one position and harshly hoping that she disappears, wanting to laugh at the girl but only smiling and sealing her lips shut before shuffling closer without erasing a large amount of distance between them ━ not to say she doesn’t wish she could out-right drag the brunette down to her office right now. Emily continues to look anywhere but at the girl in front of her, appearing awkward and stiff but Alison knows it’s just because they’ve constantly been on each other’s minds since the other night, and it doesn’t help that they’re both dressed to impress. The blonde rubs her lips together, the faint lipstick she put on meshing once more before she clears her throat in hopes that Emily will  _ finally  _ look at her. It doesn’t work, blue eyes rolling in an irritated yet playful sense, and Alison deeply breathes out with raised eyebrows.

“I guess I’ll go home, then,” she comments with a light tone, fiddling with her phone as if she’s checking the time.

“What, why?” Emily’s head snaps upward to stare at her, frowning. “You just got here.”

Alison waits a moment, merely drowning in eyes that beg her not to leave even though the brunette can’t be  _ that  _ dumb and not realize that she’s been trying to get her attention for about two minutes now. She quirks an eyebrow at Emily who sheepishly bites one corner of her bottom lip with her eyes darting away, muttering, “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” her words are smooth, talking in a carefree way. “I enjoy getting under your skin.”

It earns narrowed eyes from the brunette whose lips part in interest, the girl in front of her daring her to deny that she’s been doing just that since she arrived. Instead of refuting the idea, Emily shifts her jaw and chuckles rather darkly, making a face before swallowing her pride and taking a desperate shot to change the subject before it really gets started.

“How was today’s meeting?”

“Someone doesn’t like being left speechless,” the comment is prodding, Alison tilting her head to the side.

“I’m just trying to make light conversation,” her defense is weak and they both know it.

“Mm,” Alison hums, pressing her tongue to her inner cheek, “judging from what I’ve heard, your  _ old  _ self wouldn’t try to escape anything daring.”

Emily glares at the girl, Alison’s cunning grin unwavering as they remain in a silent, empty hallway with the party merely feet away.

“Are you daring me to be daring, Miss DiLaurentis?” internally, she hopes it sounds as flirtatious and pet-name-shaded as she wanted it to ━ which it does ━ instead of rude, jabbing, and professional.

“What do you think?” blue eyes sparkle with something that Emily can’t decipher, their heads both tilted so they can read one another with a multitude of tension surrounding their one-on-one conversation.

“I think you  _ don’t  _ want to meet ‘old Emily.’”

“You don’t have to resort back to your past self in order to be daring,” Alison smiles and it lacks her former, playful attitude, being genuine and kind.

“What game are you playing?” Emily matches it but it’s much more confused and answer-searching, hoping the blonde isn’t going to bat her back and forth for the following weeks because she already feels like she’s ten-feet deep in whatever this is.

It feels like centuries pass before the blonde bites the tip of her tongue and goes to take a step forward, but her actions are cut short and the two girls nearly choke on the sharp breaths they take once Mr. Russo approaches them with a sudden “Good evening,” the man smiling heavily in a casual yet formal, short-sleeve, button-up shirt matched with navy blue pants and shiny shoes ━ somehow different from his standard, business suit attire. His hair looks less done, Emily notes, and the man appears content with the night, a drink in his hand as he beams at the two he approaches.

“Enjoying the banquet?” he doesn’t notice that the girls carefully separate further, making it come off like they’re letting him into their small “group” to talk more easily.

“Mhm,” Emily forces a tight-lipped smile while Alison responds, “I actually haven’t been out there yet. I just got here.”

“Ms. Fields hasn’t shown you around?” 

The brunette wonders why he sounds so cheeky and looks so smiley about the question because, as far as she can remember, she’s never attended one of these events so she’s not sure how to show Alison around, and, even if she did━

“I sorta crashed her friends’ conversation before, so she hasn’t had time to,” Alison casually jokes on Emily’s behalf, the girl next to her breathing out and grinning to cover up her nerves and dumbfoundedness.

“Hm,” it’s a weird humming noise but, nonetheless, their kind facades don’t falter. “If you two don’t plan on leaving anytime soon, we’re holding a karaoke competition later…” he tries to sway the two with an attitude that displays his own apprehension but eagerness.

Emily wants to laugh at the invitation, but any, oncoming reactions are cut off instantly when Alison gives him a sad smile matched with the invitation-decline, “Unfortunately, I won’t be staying long. I have somewhere to be, but I wanted to see what all the weekly buzz was about.”

The brunette’s heart falls a fraction, but she’s not able to sulk in the dreary emotion for long because Mr. Russo says, “Thanks for visiting, then,” and turns his attention to her while asking, “And what about you? I’m sure you could easily convince Ms. Marin and Ms. Montgomery to join, too.”

“Yeah, singing’s not really my thing,” Emily makes a face, a tiny chuckle exiting her throat.

“Ah,” Mr. Russo nods as his eyes shift between the pair, “well, help yourselves to the buffet and bar.”

“Thank you,” it’s a collective reply, their eyes watching him as he walks past them to exit the corridor and walk through the first crowd he comes into contact with. 

Alison turns back to Emily who senses herself being stared at while turned to the party. Emily wants to ask the girl where she has to be and why she’s leaving early when she nudged her to show up, in the first place, but it’s not her business and perhaps this gathering will benefit her by just hanging out with friends. She leaves it be, in the end, and stares through one of the nearby windows while blue eyes burn a hole through her temple with a warmth that’s a bit tangible and sweet.

“We should probably…” Alison’s voice trails off as soon as it’s heard, hinting at the event while Emily faces her to notice that they’re closer than she initially thought, again forcing a smile and humming in agreement before walking to the door with the blonde nearby.

Her hand reaches for the handle of the door, pulling it open for Alison and getting a gracious “Thank you,” in return ━ something so small that makes Emily smile. She hesitates before following the blonde, not knowing if she should stay close by or pretend they’re still semi-strangers while sticking to her friends like some puppy. Shaking her head with a softness to the motion, Emily pushes herself forward and steps into the fray of the party, separating herself from Alison in hopes that she’ll be able to deal with their “strictly friends,” underlying agreement from the other night ━ disregarding the fact that the blonde isn’t exactly acting like they just discussed this. Whatever, Emily grumps, while trying to locate her friends.

On the other side of the crowd, however, Alison gets situated against a railing and instantly keeps a solid eye on Emily, her thoughts going a mile per minute when remembering yesterday’s conversation with her own, two friends.

_ “How about this?” Spencer holds a shirt out to CeCe and Alison who sit and lie, respectively, on her bed, the closet just feet away from where they’re studying the various choices she’s given them. _

_ “God, I hope that’s a rhetorical question,” the taller blonde’s eyes widen and Spencer frowns. _

_ “What’s wrong with it?” _

_ “I hope that’s also a rhetorical━” _

_ “Okay, moving on,” Spencer tosses it back into the space, begrudgingly making a mess as she faces her options with hands on her hips. _

_ CeCe, waiting for another display, shifts her body to look at Alison who stares at the ceiling with her head on Spencer’s pillow, appearing nearly mindless ━ especially when she hasn’t blinked for an extended amount of time. She pokes the catatonic blonde’s arm with a bland “And what’s your problem?” _

_ “I went to Emily’s last night.” _

_ “You what?” Spencer turns around, Alison quickly sitting up so she can defend herself. _

_ “I━” _

_ “I thought we agreed that━” _

_ “Hey, let her talk,” CeCe points at Spencer, the girl raising her eyebrows. “I’m not over-the-moon about this, either, but even I can tell that she’s been torn up over this chick. Haven’t you noticed?” _

_ The brunette breathes out and ends up nodding with an admitting “Yeah, I have.” _

_ “Good,” she gives Spencer a grateful look before turning back to Alison, “now explain. What haven’t you told us? And don’t say ‘nothing’ because it’s written all over your face that you’re hiding something major.” _

_ “We kissed.” _

_ Her friends stare at her, both dumbfounded and lacking proper reactions accompanied by no responses. Alison shifts her focus between both Spencer and CeCe, feeling like a nervous kid explaining something to her parents. She wants to roll her eyes at the thought, remembering when she had stressed the fact that she hadn’t gotten any personality traits from either one of them but this is all too ironic and pathetic. _

_ “Not last night, though,” Alison looks off to the side of the room, staring at nothing in particular as Spencer leans against her closet’s door frame. “That night when we found Emily and Toby at the bar, after I told you guys that I’d catch up with you, I gave her a note with my address in hopes that she’d come over and we’d be able to talk things through.” _

_ “‘Talk things through’ as in…?” CeCe nudges, her coaxing cautious. _

_ “I didn’t mean to kiss her,” her response is automatic and sounding like she’s trying to convince them, though perhaps she’s more so attempting to turn the tables on herself. “I wanted to see where we stood, or… I don’t know. I wanted her to understand that we can’t happen. I thought she deserved a face-to-face conversation, out of work, and an explanation.” _

_ “How much did you tell her?” Spencer asks, eyebrows furrowed. _

_ “That night, not much,” Alison shakes her head, looking down to see her hands in her lap as she plays with her fingers. “I could tell she was extremely stressed out over it, just like I was, and… when she started rambling, I…” her mouth opens and closes, making a vague gesture. “And then I told her it shouldn’t have happened and she didn’t take it too well,” she mutters regretfully. _

_ “Did you expect her to?” CeCe quirks an eyebrow, turning to Spencer for split second to make sure they’re on the same page. _

_ “No,” the other blonde shakes her head, “and I felt awful. I understood why she snapped at me after that, but it still hurt a ton and I kinda acted cold towards her, following that night.” _

_ “Okay, but what about yesterday?” Spencer wants to get the topic moving along, trying to pick Alison’s brain. _

_ “Well, during work, you know I got that call from my lawyer━” _

_ “Asshole number two? Yeah, we remember,” CeCe’s interruption is dull. _

_ “She overheard the call, and━” _

_ “Damn, how loud were you talking?” _

_ “Dear God, we’re never going to get through this story,” Spencer rubs her eyelid, leaning her head back against the door frame. _

_ “Sorry.” _

_ “Anyway,” Alison shifts her legs on the comforter, grabbing her knees for a second or two while deciding how to continue her story, “she…” _

_ They wait, narrowing their eyes. _

_ “She was concerned,” her focus bores into the blanket. “I’m not just guessing that she was. No, she definitely was, and that…. that meant a lot. To know she cared even though we’re in this mess…” a laugh falls from her lips, “it made me want to talk to her again.” _

_ CeCe turns to Spencer regretfully, remembering the nights following Alison’s decision to split from Elliott and how hard she cried at times with the stern (yet visibly shaking) declaration that she’ll be okay. They knew she was more so confronting her own, internal demons and expressing the thought to herself in a desperate attempt to finally hear it, but it fell short and they could tell. It got better, thankfully, when she confessed that she’s not alright but would be, in time, leading to her made-up mind when it came to moving somewhere only little ways from her old place (but certainly far enough for a calmer feel). _

_ “So, she invited you over?” Spencer breaks the silence and Alison’s growing thoughts because she can see that the blonde is reminiscing. _

_ Alison nods, “At first, I tried to tell myself that I was debating on going, but, really, I think I knew I’d go… even if I felt hesitant. I’d make myself confront her. I wanted to know what she had to say.” _

_ “Mhm…” _

_ “We talked for hours and hours,” the blonde smiles softly, trying to hide her blushing cheeks by bowing her head. “We lost track of time, honestly. I ended up leaving after one in the morning.” _

_ “What’d you talk about?” _

_ “Anything and everything,” Alison leans back against Spencer’s padded headboard. “She wanted to know more about me.” _

_ “She said that?” CeCe raises her eyebrows with a faded, happy grin hidden behind her eyes. _

_ Her friend nods with a hum, “It surprised me, too. I wasn’t expecting it, but she was so much more like the person I first met. No disdain, no upset remarks. Just… Emily.” _

_ Spencer shifts her jaw even though her heart feels warm for the girl who appears like she’s lovingly remembering someone important. CeCe, sitting in front of Alison on the bed, does the same, though her expression is kinder and understanding with a mild investment in the story. _

_ “I felt so comfortable that I actually told her about Elliott,” Alison confesses, her friends straightening their backs where they stand and sit. “Something inside of me pushed me to tell her, and she didn’t judge me for it. She understood.” _

_ “She understood as in ‘wow, that sucks,’ or ‘now I get why you can’t do this’? There’s a difference,” CeCe informs, still walking on eggshells. _

_ “Neither,” Alison looks at the other blonde. “It was more like she understood me as a person. Like what makes me tick and what’s okay in my eyes. Like why I do things and why I’m cautious. She was honest with me and said she can’t say she’s okay right now, but wants to be and someday will be alright with what’s happened,” she takes a breath, bowing her head. “She’s different.”  _

_ The two girls around her try to follow, varying expressions upon their faces although they’re a bit confused and apprehensive toward the situation. Alison, however, swallows hard and braces herself for what she’s about to say next because she knows they probably won’t like what she’s thinking but it’s not really their place to hold her back. _

_ “After that…” her words immediately die. “When I heard how sincere she was… I suddenly wanted to change my mind.” _

_ Spencer turns back to her closet without a word or mere huff, remaining silent as Alison notices her attitude and decides to defend herself once more. _

_ “Look, I know what you guys are thinking and, trust me, I’m still thinking it too, but…” the blonde falls quiet, “I believe she’s worth it.” _

_ CeCe side-eyes Spencer who does the same to her once she’s facing the bed like prior, the two having an unheard conversation that Alison witnesses without interrupting. She’s not sure if they agree or disagree, but her questions are answered when CeCe offers a timid “I think she is, too.” _

_ The standing girl doesn’t try to run-over the thought, only crossing her arms and listening to what the others have to say. _

_ “Ali, I’m not necessarily upset that you’re feeling these things for someone new, and I want you to know that, okay?” CeCe starts, pleading. “I don’t blame you for falling for Emily because, hell, I probably would’ve done the same without thinking twice about what’s happened in the past.” _

_ Alison looks down. _

_ “We just want you to be careful,” she stresses the idea. “You’ve worked so hard to become confident again, and you’re happier. Even before Emily came along.” _

_ No verbal response, but the other blonde nods. _

_ “It has to stay that way,” the words are solid and Alison understands. “I’ll support you through whatever, but you have to make an effort to stay afloat. If you can do that despite whether or not this works out between you and Emily, great. I’m all for it. Just make sure you’re ready.” _

_ “I’m not ready,” Alison’s eyes widen, “but I can’t just ignore what I feel whenever I’m near her. I know we’re coworkers and, God, I know I shouldn’t even be giving this idea the time of day, but somehow I think this’ll be better than ignoring what I feel. Like… at least I can be honest about it when I’m with her instead of trying to pretend it doesn’t exist and her getting upset. She tends to know when I’m lying,” the last part is mumbled, CeCe smirking before the expression falls when she sighs. _

_ “Spence, I think it’s your turn to say something,” she turns to the brunette who’s had her arms crossed for a good amount of time, only eavesdropping on the open conversation. _

_ At the mention of her nickname, her eyes dart to a reserved Alison before allowing her arms to slump by her sides with a lone shrug and a tired “What do you want me to say?” _

_ “I want you to be honest,” Alison doesn’t give Spencer the benefit of full eye contact but makes sure to give the girl her undivided attention. _

_ “I think…” she pauses, biting the tip of her tongue. “I think she’s right,” a simple nod is floated in CeCe’s direction, her friends mildly stunned by the agreement. _

_ Spencer expands on the answer, “You like her. A lot. Anyone can see that, even if they don’t want to.” _

_ “Do you want to?” Alison asks. _

_ “Yes,” again, she surprises them and, this time, Alison’s lips part. “Ali, I want you to find someone who’s deserving of you. You know how much I loathe the situation you’re in considering what’s happened in the past, but we all have to remember that it didn’t necessarily happen, in the first place. What Elliott accused you of… it was false and everyone knows it.” _

_ “Not everyone,” she reminds, breathing out with regret. _

_ “Fuck that place,” Spencer groans. “They never appreciated you and that’s why I left, too.” _

_ “You’re really okay with this?” CeCe feels skeptical, trying to figure out if Spencer is only trying to appease to Alison or if she’s being frank. _

_ “I’m more worried about Alison’s well-being than I am about what could happen if they found out about this relationship,” the brunette’s voice is solid as she looks in the mentioned blonde’s direction to finish the statement, drilling it into her mind. “I want you to be happy and I’m willing to support your choice in taking a chance to make that happen, but that doesn’t mean I’m not terrified of it falling through again.” _

_ “I know,” Alison nods, response almost inaudible, “and I’m sorry I’m voluntarily getting myself into such a big mess.” _

_ “It’s your life, Ali,” Spencer gives her a sympathetic smile. “I’m just happy I can keep an eye on Emily from a safe distance with the help of Toby.” _

_ “Looks like I’ll be munchin’ on a bunch of new secrets,” CeCe sits up happily, bouncing her eyebrows at both Spencer and Alison, the two sharing a distasteful look. _

Alison, in real time, blinks hard and shakes her head as if she’s been lost in thought for a good amount of time, carefully raising her phone to wake the screen and look at the time: 8:55 P.M. While mindlessly eating finger foods and paying no attention to anyone around her, approximately thirty minutes have passed and, really, it hasn’t been  _ that  _ long since she arrived but she’s already prepared to leave with a purpose in mind. She raises her eyes to scan the crowd, searching for a specific brunette in hopes that she looks just as bored ━ which she does. Alison partly grins when she sees Emily sitting at a table with her friends, Hanna and Aria happily discussing something with dramatic expressions while the third girl bounces her leg in what comes off as anxiousness from where the blonde watches. She wonders if Emily knows where she’s standing near the railing and that she’s studying her like some specimen, but Alison shakes the idea out of her head before pushing herself away from her designated spot to get her bag together so she can sneak out of the event with no notice.

Her heart pounds as she leaves the banquet with no one paying attention, her heels taking her to the elevator so she can quietly slip inside and descend to the lobby before making her way to her car with a solid, confident mindset matching nervous, shaking hands. It isn’t until she slides into her car’s driver seat that she gets hit with a massive realization, having to gather herself with deep breaths and, afterwards, sealed lips while pulling her phone out of her purse and letting her thumb hover over Emily’s contact. Soon enough, the pad of her finger is pressed against the girl’s name so she can send a text, her decision beginning to consume but also thrill her while shifting in the front seat. She adjusts her dress, making a face at herself because of the night’s overall feel for a variety of reasons, hastily grabbing her phone again as she’s set on typing out an enticing yet somewhat straight-forward message. Once it’s done, however, Alison wastes no time as she starts the car, mutters, “Okay,” and carefully drives off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Alison, what game are you playing?
> 
> Looks like her friends' "green light" pep-talk gave her that extra push into taking what looks like a leap of faith. So, let's talk about their talk! I think Spencer is a little different here than how she would be portrayed on TV ━ A.K.A., on-screen, she's more cautious and kinda… I don't wanna say uptight, but… I'm not saying that's a bad thing, either, but I needed a new flavoring of Spencer in this setting, more so because it appears that CeCe and Alison both value her opinion above their own ━ almost like getting a solid head-nod from someone whom you respect. So, in this light, once she gave Alison the go-ahead and told her it's her life (but she'll obviously stick by her), it was like a breath of fresh air ━ plus that ultimate sense of "Oh my God, this is really happening."
> 
> That brings me to a no-funny-business question: Who thinks Alison changing her mind so suddenly and going after Emily is a good idea? All Emison-lovin' aside, as an outsider, what do you think about it?
> 
> My favorite line in this chapter is: "Are you daring me to be daring, Miss DiLaurentis?" I love it because I wanted to show that Emily is trying to change due to her conversation with Mona and the following night with Alison; quite frankly, we've moved into playful territory as opposed to these two lunging at each other in a harsh way. I'm sure everyone enjoys seeing them holding some playful banter nowadays ━ especially after what they went through to get here.
> 
> Okay, so what about Hanna? Way more than before, it seems she's acting pretty uptight and her friends ━ Aria particularly ━ have noticed. She isn't being her normal self and she's going out of her way to poke fun at Emily in ways that seem… not desperate, but not just out of entertainment, either. Interesting. Again, I'm not just being a dick when it comes to their friendship; Hanna has just as much stress as Emily does, we just have yet to see it.
> 
> This author's note was only like… a fraction of what I usually write, and that's because this chapter and the next were supposed to be one giant update, but it was too scattered-feeling for my taste, therefore I'm considering this a double-update which means you'll be seeing me again pretty soon. When I come back, the middle of this fic will bring some things for us to get excited about, however I tend to call this the calm before the storm so we'll have to get ready for things that aren't as peachy. HOWEVER! Metaphorically speaking, you can't have light without some darkness, and, God, the light's going to get really fuckin' bright in a time when we need it the most.
> 
> So maybe we didn't need our shiny shoes and nice attire for more than however-many words, but I think this update was worth the trouble, anyway. After all, anticipation is continuing to build, and it'll soon pay off…
> 
> In the meantime, have fun waiting to see what move Alison's going to be making next!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you miss me?
> 
> You people are lucky I messed up my posting schedule, hence the very, very early update. You see, I enjoy posting chapters on my birthday because it's like a gift to myself (wow, that sounds really conceited), so I try to time them juuust right. Unfortunately, I messed that up, therefore I'm fixing it by posting today so I'll be back on track and able to update on my birthday ━ September 30th, hint hint, leave me love on that day ━ happily and without any trouble ━ except for the fact that day's update isn't going to be super positive, but that's another problem which I won't get into right now.
> 
> I'm happy everyone enjoyed last chapter, though. Plus you're all theorizing what Alison is planning and/or anticipating it, and I'm devious so your comments made me content.
> 
> Let the cliffhanger… unhang (?)━ please, just… read.
> 
> Oh, and, P.S.A.: Public reading for this one may be a little… interesting.

Emily steps onto the sidewalk pressed against her apartment complex, looking up at the structure like she’s never seen it before. She has a dumbfounded look cascaded upon her features and, quite frankly, she’d laugh if she was staring into a mirror. It’s not like she’s completely derailed for no reason, however, because there’s a perfectly valid excuse for her stiff, anxious posture and speeding mind.

There she was, paying attention to nothing in particular while her friends threw random, about-nothing facts back and forth at a table on the company’s rooftop, when her phone vibrated in her pocket. It earned a frown while neither of her friends noticed, and she’s thankful they weren’t looking in her direction because her lips parted in confusion with a sharp breath being taken when she read what she was sent:

_ “Your place. Now.” _

She could’ve melted into a puddle right then and there, but it only kicked her thoughts into overdrive as she altered her position on the hard chair where she sat, periodically glancing at her friends while wishing they’d give her an excuse to leave. They didn’t, in the end, so her reasoning was a weak-ass  _ “I have some stuff to do around the house. I didn’t plan on coming for a while, anyway.”  _

They stared at her in suspicion but neither said a word aside from the basic  _ “Okay, text us later,”  _ but, as Emily turned to walk away, she heard Hanna mutter,  _ “Are you staying? I forgot that I have something to do, as well,”  _ followed by Aria sighing with a reluctant  _ “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” _

Either way, the brunette doesn’t remember anything about getting home aside from the fact that her body feels like mush and her worries regarding Alison have skyrocketed. What if she somehow upset the blonde? Didn’t Alison have somewhere to be tonight? Next, however, she began to remember the looks that the girl had been giving her for most of the time at the banquet, even if she did her best to ignore them and focus on her friends’ conversations. The gazes were intense yet diluted in a way that made her confused and wanting to ask Alison what’s on her mind, but she vowed to keep her distance for the night because the girl’s dress was  _ really  _ distracting ━ not that she’d admit it since the blonde knew what she had done and it was intentional. Emily saw the way her eyes sparkled before the girl disappeared into the crowd and never returned, but she hadn’t questioned it ━ at least not until seven minutes passed and the solemness ended when her phone buzzed.

Her third-floor apartment doesn’t feel any closer tonight, and her feet trudge up the steps at a solid rate while simultaneously enjoying the echo of the stairwell this time because it disrupts her rampant thoughts. She grunts as she reaches the halfway point, pushing herself to continue with the knowledge of Alison wanting her to be home. The thought makes her wonder if Alison is waiting until she receives an “I’m home” message to come over, but that idea is entirely knocked off course when she opens the stairwell’s exit to find Alison waiting by her front door with her head tilted back against the wall and a bottle of champagne in her arms. A small purse hangs off her wrist as it moves once the blonde adjusts her positioning when she realizes that she’s being stared at. Emily notices that she’s taken off her heels, holding them in her free hand as if she wants to be comfortable ━ like she’s planning on staying for longer than five minutes.

Their eye contact is heavy, Alison raising her chin a bit while Emily cautiously breaks herself from her initial, caught-off-guard state and moves toward the girl so she can unlock her apartment. She wants to clear her throat while her fingers fumble to open the door, Alison’s gaze being so intense that she can almost feel it against her neck, and the blonde cutely whispers, “Do you need some help?”

“I’ve got it,” it comes with a shaky laugh, the barrier unlatching within seconds and being pushed open so Emily can enter and turn the lights on, Alison following quietly.

The brunette moves into the kitchen once the switch is flipped and her shoes are kicked off, rubbing her head with her hand as the other girl casually yet timidly slides the door’s lock into position after her heels and purse are set aside, making sure her body keeps the confidence she’s been feeling even though she knows it’s gradually slipping. Emily mindlessly wanders around the kitchen until she turns around and backs up so she’s pressed against the counter, arms crossed in front of her because, although Alison’s body language reveals that this is a light encounter, she wants to keep her guard up since her thoughts haven’t been the most platonic tonight ━ or  _ ever, _ when it comes to the girl now in front of her. Alison picks up on her hesitation and peers at Emily through her eyelashes while her head is bowed, making herself appear vulnerable in a sweeter sense before her feet shuffle forward and the bottle of champagne is placed on the counter with brown eyes staring at it in wonder.

“I’m sorry I pulled you away from the banquet early,” Alison lingers across from Emily, head tilted to the side in a way that makes the brunette want to close the distance between them because the seemingly magnetic pull between their stances has gotten too cliché and too strong while her dress looks so smooth and━ 

“It’s okay…” she feels her insides shake as she treads carefully and forces herself to reply, not wanting to jump at the conversation.

Alison senses her throat tightening, having to take an audible breath before forcing a lighter tone, “I, um, thought maybe we could… have our own, little party.”

Emily’s posture portrays that she’s debating on questioning her motives, but her tongue never allows her to do so and it causes her to slowly turn so she can grab some glasses for the bubbly drink. Alison rubs her lips together in the meantime, her eyes drifting to check out the brunette as she bends down and finds the glasses beneath the counter. She has to turn away while clearing her throat, however, when Emily throws the question “Are we celebrating something I don’t know about?” over her shoulder.

In turn, she wants to confirm the idea because she came here to explain what she’s been thinking about and what she’s decided, but, instead, leaves the question lingering while Emily straightens her back out with two glasses in her hands. Brown eyes glance in her direction for a short moment, noting that Alison never answered.

“Why’d  _ you  _ want to leave early?” Emily wonders while mentally thanking the other girl for getting a simple-top bottle, opening it with no hassle. “I thought you had somewhere to be.”

Two half-full glasses are set near the bottle, Emily gently handing one to Alison and getting a soft “Thanks.”

“Too many people,” she ends up only answering the first question, leaving the accusation to die when it’s not touched ━  _ intentionally _ .

“You don’t like people?” Emily smirks after taking a small sip of her drink. “I think you’re in the wrong profession,” her teasing tone gets a laugh from Alison who licks her lips once she also tastes the liquid.

“I… don’t like people when I only went to see one person.”

It’s a weighted statement that makes their hearts both skip a beat, followed by the atmosphere turning harsh and thick as it surrounds them. Emily can swear that Alison’s eyes are darker than usual, piercing into hers like they’re desperately trying to tear her walls down with a dedication that’s visible. In order to distract herself from the gaze, the brunette touches her lips to the rim of her glass again, turning away without moving from where her backside is pressed against the counter. Alison, watching the other girl force herself into straying away from the heavy conversation, bats her eyelashes while leaving her eyes to look away, as well, gingerly rubbing her lips together and feeling the smoothness while wishing Emily made an attempt to do the same ━ and it’s not like the blonde hasn’t been dropping hints that she  _ wants  _ her to, but, on the other hand, she admires that the girl is going out of her way to be respectful considering their two-days-prior confrontation. 

She takes a sip of her drink, mentally declaring that it’s time to push forward and make it known that she’s had a change of heart regarding their situation ━ not to say she doesn’t feel the remnants of that terrifying, paranoid emotion; despite the sinister sensations that still swirl within the confines of her imagination, Alison is ready to take a leap. The only problem is acting on the spark of confidence that brought her here tonight.

Alison takes a breath while staring into her glass, swishing around the fizzing beverage before lifting her chin in a determined sense while coming straight out with a kind “Emily,” though it’s run-over toward the middle by a mirror-toned “Alison.”

They both chuckle, sounding nervous but also faintly amused, and the blonde nods, “You can go.”

It earns an open-mouthed reaction from Emily, seeming dumbfounded by the fact that she was given the green light. Nevertheless, she inhales sharply and pushes out a breathy “Okay” before placing her almost-empty glass on the counter somewhere to her left. Alison pays attention, following suit and setting her drink onto the surface to her right, facing Emily with attentive features and a tilted head. The brunette, for a moment, gets distracted by the admirable look and feels her heart fluttering in her chest, but she shoves the sensation downward and clears her throat because the words don’t want to come out and it’s getting difficult to breathe when Alison is staring at her with such devotion and━ 

“I have to be honest here…” her words are quick, practically spewing from her mouth because she needs to get this over with, “I can’t stop thinking about you, and I’m sorry but… I just can’t.”

Alison notes how her expression goes from gentle to skittish, similar to what happened before the brunette began to ramble when she showed up at her apartment about a week ago.

“Emily━”

“No, let me continue, please,” the plea is cracked but not upset, causing Alison to fall silent right away with a curt, understanding nod to signal that she’s listening.

The other girl wrings her hands in front of her, at first looking into blue eyes but soon faltering and having to retreat while explaining, “I don’t  _ want  _ to stop thinking about you. It’s…” 

She clearly doesn’t know how to sort out her thoughts, forming the ramble that Alison was trying so hard to avoid, the blonde powerless to stop it while her mouth falls into a sympathetic yet knowing shape as she simply waits for her opportunity to stop the girl in front of her.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand why you’re okay with ignoring what’s between us,” Emily blurts out, immediately feeling guilty so, in turn, she gains the desire to expand on what she’s said. “At first, I thought it was just me, but…” the impending words cause her to have a short struggle, “after the other night… I  _ know  _ you’re struggling, too. You  _ told  _ me.” 

Alison goes to open her mouth, ready to jump in and agree with everything that Emily is saying, but she doesn’t get a chance. 

“God, I want you so badly that it’s gotten to the point where I’m surprised I haven’t just made a move on you while we’re alone, but I’m way too nervous and that  _ rarely  _ happens…” 

Her eyes widen as her voice trails off with a shaky laugh and, in the meantime, Alison still attempts to get her to slow down by taking three, cautious steps forward, but Emily starts to ramble again. 

“And, before you say anything, I need you to know that, yes, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted someone, but I’ll  _ force  _ myself to understand and respect your decision because I know you can’t do this considering your past,” she’s now staring at the floor somewhere behind where the blonde stands as if she’s animatedly talking to it. “I’m not like your ex-husband. I’m not going to manipulate you, or make you choose between me and━”

It feels all too familiar when Alison shuts her up with a kiss, heat laced throughout the embrace and, this time, it’s so much more wanting that Emily takes a moment to connect what’s happening. Once her eyes flutter shut, she feels apprehensive fingertips walking up her torso until they’re dragging along her shoulders, causing her to kiss Alison harder while gliding her palms against the girl’s dress toward her back. Her lower lip is snatched for a brief, abrupt second, a sharp intake of breath being heard and, in turn, the blonde smirks before placing a casual peck to the same area. She leaves the pads of her fingers touching the skin on the back of Emily’s neck while backing up to put an inch or so of space between their mouths, scolding herself for wanting to continue kissing the brunette without discussing what she took the time to decipher within the past few days. Brown, lidded eyes try their best to focus on the darker-than-normal shade of blue, Alison’s mouth turning upward into a smooth, shy smile that comes with an underlying, devious nature as if to say “I got you.” 

“I didn’t come here to lecture you,” the blonde whispers and Emily can nearly feel the words hit her lips, the concept of their close proximity being beautifully intoxicating.

“Why  _ did  _ you come here?” she’s surprised she can even speak, formerly wondering if Alison literally took her breath away with massive intentions that could kill her, in the end.

At first, Emily only feels the girl’s fingers draw three hearts on the back of her neck, noting the repeated shape as timid eyes dart away. Her own hands shake on Alison’s waist, too afraid to move even though her legs are about to collapse due to morphing into jelly from whatever situation this is turning into. 

“I wanted to tell you that I thought about what I had to,” Alison locks eyes with her once more. “I forced myself to think about everything from so many, different angles, and… to answer your question from the other night…” Emily has no idea if the pause was intentional or not, but she can’t feel herself breathing while she waits, “I’m going to be okay.”

It wasn’t what she was expecting ━ even though, in total, this night has taken on a completely different feel than she was planning ━ and her eyebrows furrow in response to Alison’s words. She must’ve frowned in the process, as well, because the girl in front of her gets out a tiny laugh that would’ve been missed if she hadn’t been paying close attention, smiling warmly before leaning in and sweetly pecking the brunette on the lips. The sensation sticks around, being a tickling feeling against Emily’s mouth as she licks her bottom lip when it won’t go away. Alison does it again, followed by a third, consecutive time, and waits for something to come although she knows it’ll take a little, lustful push.

She adds a tad more pressure and brushes her lips past Emily's with a faded grin, whispering, “Make a move.”

Another round of hesitation hits, but Alison can feel Emily’s hands gradually pulling her closer by her lower back, her feet happily complying as she shuffles toward the girl so their bodies have little to no room between them. She doesn’t give into the notion of doing the work for the girl who appears too caught off-guard to follow through on making a move, leaving her lips to constantly tickle Emily’s with a deliberate nature, and wanting to laugh when the brunette’s body language makes it look like she’s having an internal meltdown. To make matters worse, Alison changes things up and drags her nails across delicate skin on the back of Emily’s neck, hoping to torment her for what she already could have helped since at least a minute ago.

Finally, the brunette begins to lean in once she drums up as much confidence as she’s going to in the current moment, Alison allowing her lower lip to be captured in a short, sweet kiss before backing up and toying with Emily who, upon seeing the distance between them expanding, opens her mouth with torn features.

Alison doesn’t go far at all, however, and leaves her hands to tantalizingly drag down the white button-up clung to Emily’s torso, fists not-so-harshly grabbing at the tight fabric near her belly button and pulling her forward. She wears a less-than-innocent grin that Emily wants to narrow her eyes at, matched with a smile that reveals what she intends on doing, but the brunette’s mouth is only fallen into a straight line that makes Alison all too amused. It doesn’t last long, in reality, when Alison gets an overwhelming desire to connect their lips even more than prior, bringing Emily’s body closer as they shuffle backwards and to the left in hopes that they’ll make it into the girl’s bedroom with a small amount of trouble.

She keeps a firm hold on the white shirt clenched in her fist as her mouth presses against Emily’s, being so needy that she almost clashes their teeth together but manages to refrain from appearing too far gone already. Hands snake around her back, again resting just above her ass while periodically dragging to her hips in order to map out her curves and feel the coolness of her dress. Their bodies are mutually guided into the apartment’s lone bedroom, light from the mainspace seeping into the area through the narrow doorway so it’s only cascading upon part of the bed whereas the majority is shining along the room’s northwest corner. Luckily, Emily knows when they pass over the bedroom’s threshold because there’s a sensible crack in the floor, paying attention to where she’s going until skilled fingers begin to undo the buttons of her shirt while her lower lip is tugged on.

She wants to whimper at the feeling combined with the scattered, impactful emotions coursing through her body, not being able to focus on kissing the blonde and shuffling their clasped bodies forward while she’s being undressed as the reality of heavily making out with  _ Alison  _ is hitting her time and time again. It isn’t until her shirt is completely unbuttoned with her skimpy tank-top exposed that Emily is able to tear herself away from Alison, her nose brushing against the girl’s before they’re managing to stare into one another’s eyes with an immense amount of wonder surrounding the whole altercation. After a short moment, the brunette finds herself wanting to voice a vague question but doesn’t, being too far gone to poke at the girl’s motives right now because they’re clear enough and, really, her demeanor isn’t threatening or using whatsoever.

It’s… lovable.

“You’re thinking about something,” Alison reveals what’s going on, the sparkle in Emily’s eye giving away her cover.

She waits for an answer, the brunette’s mouth opening once before she sighs. It’s Alison’s turn to interrupt whatever Emily’s about to say, not wanting to delve into yet another rant ━ even if it’d end up like the others with an enticing, abrupt kiss. 

“If you’re uncomfortable or don’t want this, we can just hang out… or I can leave,” she displays the girl’s various options while her heart slows down at the possible rejection, wanting as much consent as possible because they’re still learning about one another and this is something entirely new to them.

“That’s…  _ really  _ not the problem,” Emily shakily says through a tight throat and cute laugh, eyes flickering up and down.

The blonde lets out a tiny chuckle that almost matches hers, peering at the girl in front of her through preying, dark eyes, but listening, nonetheless.

Emily continues with a cautious yet interested attitude, “I just want to make sure this is what  _ you  _ want.”

It’s kind and considerate, Alison notes, and a childish smile takes over for not even a second before she paves over it with something more seductive, Emily paying attention to the way the air changes within the room but being drawn to the girl who’s staring at her with severe purpose and hunger. The blonde’s eyelashes flutter and the sight is enough to make Emily sense her resolve collapsing in one swift motion, not being able to formulate a sentence or mere thought once she witnesses Alison reach behind her back and seemingly undo her bra with expertise, never breaking eye contact in the process. Emily only hears the quiet snap of the low-cut garment, followed by the silky, strapless bra being slid out from between where the dark dress lies pressed against her chest. Alison quirks an eyebrow once she’s holding it on a lone finger, Emily’s lips parting when she hears the subtle thud of the bra hitting the ground. Reality begins to hit harder, Emily’s heart speeding up as she waits for whatever’s about to come next, and she swears she’ll pass out once she can tell that Alison is getting ready to do something in an attempt to torture her. The space between them slims down ━ despite the fact that there wasn’t much to begin with ━ and Alison tilts her head to the side, not moving to kiss Emily but brushing her lips past the girl’s smooth jawline until she’s at her ear, a wiped-out smirk across her mouth.

“If this wasn’t what I wanted, I would’ve worn underwear,” the secret is whispered into Emily’s ear, goosebumps forming along her skin as Alison nibbles her lower lip because she can only imagine the initial face that the girl made ━ A.K.A. her jaw dropping open half an inch while feeling like her eyes are threatening to close.

The curiosity ends up getting the best of Alison, a lone kiss being pressed to Emily’s cheek before blue eyes are preying on her every move and facial expression in hopes that she’ll reveal how vulnerable she really is. Emily knows what she’s doing and tries to control herself with deep breaths and sealed lips, also waiting for Alison’s poker face to break, but, unfortunately, it only seems to get more sturdy with time and silence. Finally, the brunette decides to play into her game and cracks a short, hardly courageous smile, followed by a question that barely makes it out of her sore throat. 

“You’re going to kill me tonight, aren’t you?”

Alison doesn’t exactly react to the question, but her head tilts to the side once more while her cheeks are rosy, one corner of her mouth turning into a devious smirk while the rest of her face softens with care ━ something that confuses Emily but also easily lures her in.

“If you’re lucky,” is her only answer, not paving way for any, additional questions once their lips are moving against one another with a “you talk too much” vibe covering her actions.

It doesn’t take long before Emily’s white shirt is hitting the floor behind her, Alison’s back facing the bed as she’s in the perfect position to be guided backwards, but neither girl knows whether or not they want to delay the night or dive right into it. It’s a given that they want to savor every emotion they’re feeling, touch they give one another, and kiss they share, but the atmosphere’s density is way too convincing and inviting that Emily’s hit with the desire to carry Alison two feet to the bed and throw her onto the mattress. The internal debate is broken up when a hand drags upward against her torso until it’s grasping her right breast, the sudden action eliciting a throaty gasp that Alison capitalizes on by slipping her tongue against Emily’s with a desperation to heighten the room’s temperature even further.

As they stand, Emily remembers what Alison’s recently shared, her hands mindfully working downward and treading against absolutely nothing beneath the smooth dress, ultimately grabbing the girl’s ass and squeezing to taste a short, quiet moan on her tongue. She dares to have her fingers trail beneath the hem of her dress, wanting to raise the garment and sneak below so she can be graced with another one of Alison’s incredible reactions, getting off on the basic thought of the blonde’s noises making her want to melt onto the floor. Her hands carefully raise the bottom part of the dark-grey dress, fingertips partly tangling in her hair while Alison kisses her harder to the point of bruising their mouths in a way she hasn’t felt in years ━ or ever.

Emily gets as far as hiking the fabric up two inches before Alison notices what she’s trying to do, carrying on with her teasing nature as she separates their bodies with her own bottom lip bitten between her teeth and eyebrows raised. The brunette manages a barely visible, dopey grin, using her peripherals to watch the girl in front of her entwine their fingers in a loose way before they’re moving to the bed together. Although they’re only a couple of feet away from the mattress’ side, what feels like a century passes prior to Alison’s leg touching the bed, her posture all but begging Emily to lay her down and make her feel desired. Instead, they both wait for the other to make some sort of advance, Alison caving first and pulling her dress up an inch or so in order to move a tad more freely, not giving mesmerized eyes a chance to become too invested because, as her fingers bunch the fabric further, she’s pulling the brunette closer.

Their lips don’t touch this time, Alison making the same move as she did in the kitchen in the form of nonverbally convincing Emily to take a chance prior to shuffling backward. It’s much less teasing, however, and it’s understood where she wants things to go, so Emily just barely holds onto Alison while they not-so-awkwardly slink onto the mattress with the hem of the girl’s dress resting at the midpoint of her thigh. In fact, Emily’s leg is pressed so close to Alison’s center that she forgets to lean down and kiss heart-shaped lips to drum up an even-more-seductive mood, features barren while swearing she can already feel a subtle heat forcing its way through the fabric of her pants. Her fingers grasp at the comforter beneath the blonde’s body as she hovers above her, sparkling eyes searching her face for hesitation and finding a hint of it. Emily can tell that she’s being read, ultimately licking her lips in thought and swallowing hard before having the guts to make eye contact. Alison sees the remnants of everything that’s holding Emily back from continuing (missing the fact that the girl is suffering from the knowledge of  _ nothing  _ covering the space between her legs), lovingly reaching up and brushing some hairs out of her face until they’re tucked behind her ear.

“You’re the only person who’s ever made me want to take this big of a risk,” Alison assures the girl who hadn’t asked but only wondered, earning a semi-stunned yet attentive expression. 

She continues, “I won’t lie to you…” a tiny, throaty laugh exits her throat with evident nerves throughout, “I’m beyond terrified. I’m confused and, honestly, maybe a little bit in over my head.”

Alison swallows hard, staring into brown, understanding eyes, “But… I want you to make me feel.”

Alison can see Emily suck in a sharp breath because the words are heavy and sticky (and, really, everything she’d hoped to hear), knowing there’s no turning back once whatever is about to happen…  _ happens _ ; they’re both in so deep and, although it’s a huge plunge, neither want to escape what’s been building between them.

When the brunette still can’t find anything to say in response, Alison fractionally shifts her jaw and forces herself into a different, sultry territory, the next words that fall from her lips being thick and enticing on a level that hasn’t been relatively touched upon tonight. 

“I want you to make me feel  _ everything _ .”

She doesn’t give Emily too much time to linger on the sharp sensation that just shot through her core but knows it happened because, admittedly, it’s similar to how she still feels on the inside. Her hands roam downward as she smoothly tilts her head to place a series of pecks and short-lived bites along Emily’s neck, gradually getting her breathing to pick up until it’s at an audible rate. Fingers peel the thin, white tank-top upward, Emily managing to assist as lips unattach from her neck so the piece of clothing can be discarded with the skin of her torso majorly exposed. Alison’s next smirk is sweet and content, their mouths pressing together while her legs shift with Emily’s thigh pressed against an area that proves to be sensitive once she moves abruptly and they can both hear a low, cracked moan erupt in her throat as they kiss.

Emily tries to slide her leg against the same area, but she’s casually being tipped over and leaned onto her side as Alison decides that it’s her turn to take control from the comfort of on top of the shirtless brunette. Of course, Emily doesn’t mind as she sees Alison’s dress still bunched around her thighs, threatening to slink even further upward to expose the girl’s bottom half when she straddles a leg clad in black dress pants. Wandering eyes attempt to peek underneath Alison’s dress, being caught immediately as, suddenly, a body is all but dropped onto hers with a gentle thud, her arms wrapping around the girl who’s now pressed against her.

Their lips find each other again, almost instantly having their tongues slide past one another with Emily’s hands gliding along Alison’s body and memorizing the way her figure feels against her palms. A choked-out, open-mouthed grunt is granted when Alison feels her ass being squeezed like previously, smiling at the feeling as Emily’s expression turns sheepish but courageous with a grin of her own. It only makes the blonde’s body heat up more, wholeheartedly wishing she could fully straddle the girl below her without removing her dress since it’s acting as a barrier that begs Emily to try harder in the best of ways, but she’s stuck with her center pressed against the brunette’s right thigh without moving even though the throbbing frustration she’s dealing with is becoming way too prominent to ignore. Emily’s next motion doesn’t help, grabbing Alison’s backside and pulling her forward in a way that makes the blonde’s lower back slightly arch while her hips jerk against her thigh, a sudden, stunned whimper being clearly heard. In turn, Alison has to hold herself up above Emily, fists pushed into the comforter next to the girl’s shoulders as she feels the same sensation torture the space between her thighs again and again, sometimes slower and other times harder. She tries to control herself by roughly getting a hold on her lower lip and opening her hands so she can grab the blanket beneath Emily’s body, but her frustration gradually tips with drops spilling here and there, resulting in a variety of moans.

Emily, meanwhile, adjusts her positioning so she can make Alison grind along her thigh, hands scraping at the very edge of her dress even though she wants to sneak underneath and toy with the blonde even more so. She watches rosy cheeks contort as Alison’s mouth opens to release another reaction or two, eyes closed for the time being. The motion eventually becomes too much in such a short amount of time because, after another ten seconds, Alison gently shakes her head with flickering eyes before leaning down to capture Emily’s lips in a light, distracted manner. She’s not the only one who’s having a hard time focusing, much to her gratitude, because she notices that Emily’s grasping lets up once they’re both indulged in a new, ever-deepening make out session.

At first, Alison thinks she has time to breathe and regain the upper hand in some way, shape, or form, but not-so-subtle hands reach for the zipper just below the back of her neck, ready to undo the dress and take away her form of control. Emily doesn’t get far after unclipping the lone, snapping piece above the garment’s zipper once Alison gives her a taunting “No” accompanied by an exhale, pushing her hands down to the mattress beside her head.

Emily looks daring when her eyes narrow with a small, prodding smirk covering her mouth, but it’s kissed away with a short, warm peck before a nose is nudging hers and blue eyes are peering at her through a lidded focus.

“Let’s make this a little more fair,” the brunette can almost feel lips moving against hers as the words are spoken with severity and lust, dripping with a taste that makes it seem like she’s pressuring Emily into asking what she’s about to do.

She wouldn’t be able to stomach the verbal answer without reacting in a way that’d make it known she’s done for, admittedly, so she clenches her teeth and makes sure her lips are sealed as Alison begins to kiss her jawline. Emily thoroughly enjoys the tingling sensation she gets when wet, open-mouthed kisses are pressed underneath her chin, across to her pulse point, and down her neck with sudden bites causing her hands to grab for the pillow semi-above her head once they’re unclasped from Alison’s. Lips work their way downward as Emily tilts her chin up in order to breathe, hands squeezing her bra-covered breasts and getting a satisfied, deep moan that has a hot mouth focusing on the sides of her stomach to extract a few more reactions. Damp, drawn-out kisses turn into gentle pecks once they reach her inner hip, Emily waiting to feel something further but getting too curious in the process, ending with her propping up her torso using her elbows to see what Alison is doing. She immediately locks eyes with the girl who’s preying on her, mouth not in the shape of a smirk but in a delaying, knowing grin that’s only visible if you really look for it. Emily’s breath hitches.

Alison bites the tip of her tongue as her eyes drift away, admiring Emily’s bare stomach while watching deep breaths contort the indentations of her ribs and abs. She licks her lips at the thought, leaving her mouth open just barely while reaching up from where she semi-kneels between Emily’s legs, her nails gingerly digging into smooth skin and dragging down. It elicits a shaky, hissed whimper, Emily’s back falling to the mattress as she tries to breathe and keep herself from shattering. Alison does it again, watching faint lines appear where her nails have formerly been as the brunette’s body tries to regulate itself and keep focused on something else. It can’t, in the end, and the only thing that causes Emily’s shifting to stop is when the tip of Alison’s pointer finger is gliding across the spot less than an inch above the waistband of her pants ━ which isn’t much less torturous, anyway.

Some tension is formed as Alison’s finger continues to tantalize the skin above the area which wants her the most, blue eyes studying her lover’s reactions and seeing the girl’s lip clasped between her teeth as her throat visibly clenches because she’s trying so hard not to give away her sensitivity. It makes her smirk, in turn, and her finger moves downward to get a sharp gasp. She reaches for the button of Emily’s black pants, undoing it to loosen the waistband as her mouth lowers to the area and plays with the small, newly exposed patch of skin. While moving her lips in all the right places, her fingers nimbly find the zipper and slide it down at a slow rate, afterwards deciding to frustrate Emily further as she tugs the elastic of her panties down a tad, as well. She kisses along the strip where the girl’s pants and underwear would lie, applying more pressure and wetting her lips so the brunette will feel it even more. As she hears her own, open-mouthed kisses making damp noises against Emily’s skin, the sound of nails scraping against fabric floats down to where she now drags her tongue, soon accompanied by a moan that didn’t even care to be stopped by the brunette’s bitten lip. Alison sucks on one particular area, being half an inch above the start of Emily’s left thigh, and makes a faded mark before soothing it with her tongue, followed by her mouth leaving soft skin so her fingers can curl around the waistband of those black pants and pull them downward. Emily assists in taking them off, lifting her ass off the bed and allowing Alison to slide them down her ankles at a deliberate rate.

Once they hit the floor with another, never-unsatisfying thud, Alison gives Emily an additional look-over from where she kneels, the uncontrolled part of her wanting to immediately strip her lover of the lone garment separating her from pleasing the brunette in the best of ways while the rest of her thoughts stress the idea of being patient and tactical. In the end, the blonde begins to kiss her way back to Emily’s mouth, but not without firmly dragging a lone finger through the girl’s folds atop her underwear in the process of regaining a face-to-face position. Alison watches her mouth automatically fall open with a died-off moan not making it out of her throat, head tilted back into the pillow. It makes her feel accomplished and she smiles, peppering the corners of Emily’s mouth with caring pecks until flickering eyes are able to focus on her ━ just before they slam shut again once their lips connect. On contact, Alison hums against her mouth and swears she could sigh at the tangible, “I want you despite anything” feeling she gets solely from the way Emily’s hands hold onto her waist with devotion, fingertips fractionally digging into her sides as a result of the leftover pressure between her legs.

Noticing that Alison has purposely settled between her legs instead of straddling her thigh through the intention of not giving the brunette the satisfaction of pulling her to grind down, Emily’s hands wander along the girl’s back while her lips gain a bruised, heated heaviness from being kissed time and time again. She revels in the feeling, also sensing that same pressure pushing against the crotch of her panties whenever Alison shifts with knowledge of what she’s doing to the girl beneath her. It gets to the mindful point of the blonde crawling a few inches upward with a sharp-ish, determined jolt, extracting a grunt from Emily who has to breathe out afterwards as she breaks their messy kiss. She does it again, her lips curving into a devilish grin that the brunette can’t erase for the time being because she’s too busy trying to distract herself with her fumbling fingers searching for the zipper of Alison’s dress. It doesn’t take too long to find it, this time not being fully stopped in her tracks as a wet mouth travels down her neck and her expression looks pained since her “distraction” seems to be lessening with every small nip that tugs at her skin.

The sound of the zipper being slowly glided downward causes Alison to pause her ministrations and regain the former, face-to-face position with Emily, her eyes fluttering and failing to remain locked with a love-drunk, brown color. It’s a deep, unspoken conversation that’s comprehended by both girls, and that’s proven when Alison nods and smiles faintly, leaning in to kiss Emily with a gentle nature which isn’t all that felt when her mouth is touched to the brunette’s bottom lip. Like before, it gradually deepens and Emily feels her lover’s hesitance when fingertips caress the outline of her jaw. It acts as a signal for Emily to take over for a while, smoothly switching their positions so Alison’s back hits the mattress with hardly any movement otherwise, being a cohesive motion while fingers are tangled in her hair.

Emily begins to break the kiss by dividing it into small pecks which are also disrupted by lovable smiles, Alison afterwards chewing her own, lower lip as she’s stared at with adoration and question. Fingertips trace the outside of her face, simultaneously being kissed on the nose and smiling hard even though she tries not to. It doesn’t matter, anyway, because Emily matches it with a smitten, childish grin, sealing her lips forcefully before briefly watching Alison lean upward to share another short kiss. Once her head is pressed against the pillow like seconds prior, the blonde appears reserved and nervous while keeping up with a light attitude, simply staring at Emily whose face is only three inches away with equally apprehensive features. Alison knows what she’s thinking and gets caught up in a whirlwind of insecurities on her end, but manages to keep on a solid facade that portrays the confidence that she held before they slid into bed. It seems as though the girl hovering above her is too afraid to follow through on making a move yet again, so Alison decides to bite the bullet for both of them, gaining some courage behind closed lips before whispering, “What are you waiting for?”

The other girl feels fuzzy, such coaxing words drilling through her body and sending tingles throughout her limbs and stomach. Her lip quivers and she feels it while opening her mouth to perhaps say something, but, instead, she swallows hard and manages a shaky, never-heard chuckle that only erupts in her chest, constantly being hit with the reminder that Alison isn’t just someone to her.

Maybe she’s  _ the  _ one.

It’s terrifying but all the same alluring, Emily blinking at the question when she forgets to answer because of her mind-munching thoughts and daydreams. It’s Alison’s eyes, the brunette muses when remembering how lost she can get, and she has to look away with a sheepish, half-smile on her face. Partly bowing her head, she peers up at Alison whose breathing has slowed due to the monumental tension forming during the silence. It doesn’t get any easier when Emily’s hands end up on her shoulders, fingers gingerly wrapping around the straps of her unzipped dress without daring to bring the fabric downward just yet. After what feels like forever, the brunette licks her lips in preparation for something unknown, Alison waiting in anticipation that’s only broken when she hears a considerate, quiet voice.

“Are you sure?”

Alison’s heart flutters at the question, more so because she knows that this isn’t about to be plain, “with-whoever” sex; the fact that Emily’s stopped to ask her ━  _ multiple  _ times ━ if this is what she wants in whatever way the question fell from her lips… it means something.

It means everything.

She doesn’t let too much time pass before nodding with a vulnerability that’s padded by trust ━ something that Emily’s been noticeably mirroring since they walked into her apartment, coming in the form of confessing and confiding while giving Alison the go-ahead to potentially tug her back and forth.

Emily gives herself a nod, as well, followed by a curt hesitation that ends with her mouth pressing to Alison’s again, both girls feeling her fingers peeling the dress’ straps down her arms until they’re free. They continue to kiss with lightness instead of messiness and hunger, sharing the emotion resulting from being exposed together, and Emily pays attention to where her hands bring the dress as it’s dragged down Alison’s torso. Once it reaches her lower stomach, the lips that she’s been kissing trail down her cheek and neck, having to tilt her head back into the pillow while forcing herself to relax. She notices that Emily follows suit in her kissing and nibbling patterns, mimicking what Alison had done to her only minutes beforehand, and the thought makes her feel warm inside. One particular bite on her neck gets a sharp intake of air, sounding similar to a hiss that earns a round of soothing kisses to the same area. 

After, Emily wanders further downward while her palms glide along Alison’s sides with a firm yet tender grip, the blonde trying to stay still even though her legs are dying to part at least a fraction more. The brunette must have sensed the oncoming, higher frustration, because she slinks down with only a small series of chest and stomach pecks until she’s kneeling between her lover’s legs and sliding the dress off Alison’s lower half with the help of the girl’s hips lifting. The sound of the grey piece of clothing hitting the floor is probably the most satisfying, one corner of Emily’s mouth peaking into a tiny smirk even though it doesn’t last long once she’s crawling back upward and pressing open-mouthed kisses to Alison’s lower stomach.

Her ears are gifted with a blend of muffled noises, mainly deep breaths that break toward the end with little, cracked moans coming through a bitten lip. She scratches at Alison’s hips to create a tickling sensation to oppose whenever her tongue drags along the skin beneath her mouth, sucking in areas to form small marks. Alison notices Emily moving closer to her face little by little, anxious to kiss the girl and never stop because it’s become one of her favorite activities. In the meantime, her fingers play with Emily’s hair, dragging her nails along the girl’s scalp while deep breaths fill and escape her lungs through noises she doesn’t care to hold hostage. They don’t become overly frequent, however, until Emily’s sliding up to her chest at a deliberate rate and glancing at her with a specific look in her eye that’s both seductive and silly.

Alison seals her lips and grins at the sight, pulling her hands away from Emily’s head and brushing them down her back until she’s plucking at the girl’s bra and helping her slide it off so it’s grouped into the pile of discarded clothes on the floor. Her fingers are hiding in soft strands after another second or two, this time tilting her head to the side and gently pulling Emily upward so they can share a half-assed kiss that’s quickly broken up with the brunette smiling hard and offering her a sultry expression. She doesn’t question it, only laying her head back down onto the pillow and tilting her chin upward with what sounds like a low “Fuck” coming from her mouth when she feels the tip of her lover’s tongue flick across her right nipple. It’s followed by lips dotting kisses around the area with a caring undertone, somewhat opposing the firm, wanting grasp that tugs on her left breast at the same time. Emily listens to every reaction that she gets, egging her to go further and telling her what areas to pay more attention to, simultaneously having to straddle Alison’s right thigh because she’s beginning to gain a soreness between her legs. The new position isn’t missed by the blonde lying against the mattress, partly maneuvering her leg so she can rub her thigh up and down in order to distract Emily in an unignorable way.

The tongue on her delicate skin lets up in the meantime, the brunette’s mouth hanging open when the thigh between her legs presses against a sensitive area through her underwear, only gracing Alison’s chest with hot breaths that don’t fail to earn another round of responses. Her hand still grasps at the blonde’s breast, however, and it tightens a bit once she gets lost in the feeling between her legs with her hips starting to shift in hopes of matching the speed. Alison sees Emily shake her head as if to delay herself from giving into the sensation, a hot mouth pressing against her chest again, but, this time, traveling upward until it’s melted against hers in a messy fashion.

They can barely sync their lips, ultimately giving up and simply pausing their motions for the time being. Both breathing deeply, their eyes open at similar times, Emily’s mouth curving into a kind smile before it’s pressed to Alison’s for two seconds. The blonde hums at the gesture, following her lover’s face when she backs up to give her an identical kiss before she’s satisfied enough to only lock eyes with the girl who lies on top of her.

“You’re beautiful,” Emily whispers, taking a chance and speaking what she feels when it hits her.

Alison can’t stop herself from smiling hard, once again, and her dimples show through the faint light still seeping into the room from the apartment’s main area. She swallows hard, her voice raspy when she responds, “You make me feel beautiful.”

A breathy and short, happy laugh is granted, Emily wanting to say something more although no thoughts formulate strong enough to come out. Alison waits, studying her face and admiring her features with the unmistakable remnants of sweat appearing across her cheekbones. The sight brings her back to the situation at hand, suddenly reclaiming the heated vibe from before as Emily seems stuck in a world of fluffiness and wonder. In determination to put a stop to her evidently wandering worries and ideas, Alison tilts her head to the side and kisses Emily’s neck while her hands roam down the girl’s sides. She drags the tip of her tongue up and partly behind the other girl’s ear, pressing wet kisses to the area just as her fingers get between Emily’s hips and underwear with her thumbs hooking outside of the garment. Sliding her lover’s panties down her legs with a little help from Emily, herself, Alison bites and tugs on a sensitive portion of the girl’s neck, hearing a shaky, “I’m so screwed” kind of deep breath come from her throat before the blonde grins heavily at the sound. Her expression is way too smug to ignore as Emily feels it against her skin, forcibly yet nimbly using her fingers to tilt Alison’s chin upward so they’re face to face once more. She catches the girl smirking, responding with a playful eye-roll and a kiss that captivates both of them.

Almost instantly, Emily brushes her tongue against Alison’s and pours more love into the kiss, her fingers running through blonde hair as her other hand rests on the girl’s chest with a grip that occasionally squeezes. Again, a thigh presses between her legs but she’s able to control how she reacts by the way she’s lying down, willingly moving her hips periodically to satisfy Alison when a pressure is pushed against her center. Their ever-deepening make out session is trailed off into another kiss or two, completely ending when Emily’s mouth wanders down her jawline again. Instead of going too far down, however, she begins to intensely focus on Alison’s neck, dragging her tongue along the area and biting at times. Alison clenches her teeth at a few points, her chest rising and falling while fingers grip at the comforter beneath her body. A pinching sensation is felt on her neck, Emily sucking on the area without going too far and noticeably soothing the spot with her lips as if she’s afraid to get carried away. Alison’s mouth drops as heated kisses are planted along her throat until soft lips are on the other side of her neck, doing the same as what was done a second ago while a thumb circles her nipple at a slow pace.

She feels Emily let up on the pressure of her mouth again, afterwards placing her lips in the same spot but with a gentle attitude. Like before, the speed of her ministrations picks up and they become a tad more harsh, obviously unsure whether or not Alison wants her to go too far. Prior to her impending slowdown, Alison takes a breath and tries to manage her voice, though the subtle grasp on her chest doesn’t help one bit and it grows harder by each passing second. 

“Keep going,” she successfully breathes out, though it gets the complete opposite reaction when Emily stops to listen with her forehead leaning against Alison’s cheek. “Mark me.”

At the almost-pained yet serious words, Emily pushes her torso upward so she can look into Alison’s eyes with a breathy laugh being heard, “I think you may end up regretting that once Monday rolls around.”

They both note the playfulness surrounding the conversation, Alison giving Emily an equally amused response even though she licks her dry lips in the process. With a never-collapsing, lustful look, Alison brushes her lips against Emily’s while muttering, “Who says it’ll still be there?”

It only calls for a still-conflicted expression, Emily’s posture visibly torn as her eyes trail off to the side with her lips parted and head tilted a bit. Alison sees the internal debate flicker behind brown eyes, not taking long to decide that she’ll grab control of the situation.

She doesn’t give Emily any time to react, her mouth pressing to the girl’s neck as her hand holds onto the girl’s shoulder to keep her in place, teeth and lips first scraping against the area until she’s sucking hard. The tugging feeling pulls a deep moan from Emily whose nails dig into her chest, eyes slamming shut in the meantime and enjoying the twinge of pain she gets from Alison working against her neck with clear intent of making a very noticeable mark. The sucking on her skin doesn’t let up for what feels like a whole minute, afterwards having the wet area blown on with cool air that gets a stunned yet amused chuckle from Emily.

“That's definitely not gonna be gone by Monday,” she mumbles more so to herself, Alison putting on her best, “innocent” act and blinking her eyelashes with a smirk that entirely kills the idea of her having sweet intentions. 

“You should've listened, then,” her words also give it away, Emily wanting to evaporate but instead raising her eyebrows before squinting in partial, teasing accusation. 

“You’re not gonna start using the ‘boss’ card while we’re in bed, are you?” it’s more of a joking question rather than a serious one, getting a giggle from Alison before she traps her lower lip between her teeth with the same smirk remaining at the corner of her mouth.

“Depends on how well you perform,” she plays along after letting the question linger, Emily halfheartedly groaning. “Aw, what? You don’t like roleplay?” the taunt comes through a babyish voice, the brunette rolling her eyes. 

“It’s not roleplay when you’re  _ seriously  _ my boss.”

Alison lets out a small, airy hum, appearing mindless before her heated demeanor returns and she’s leaning in to brush her lips past Emily’s yet again.

“I bet you’d be thrilled about it if we were in my office,” she dares with a low voice, kissing the other girl on the mouth once, “with my desk.”

The words distract Emily from the careful hand that slides down her body until it’s snaking between them and resting on her inner thigh. She can’t get out a response, her lips only parting with her eyes threatening to flutter closed as Alison leans up and tugs on her bottom lip. Emily hears the subtle pop of her lip being released, fingertips torturing the skin between her legs and noticeably traveling upward along her thigh until they’re less than an inch away from where she truly wants them to be.

“You haven’t answered me,” Alison reminds the girl while her fingers delicately begin to drag up and down the opening of her center, Emily clenching her jaw while looking pained because she doesn't want to believe that the blonde  _ seriously  _ expects her to answer.

Realistically, Alison is enthralled by how Emily reacts to her fingers occasionally moving deeper, the emotion of hope being clear across the girl’s features because she wants to be touched and it’s far too blatant. Their lips connect for not even a second with what didn’t have time to feel like a kiss at all, Alison finally moving a lone finger through Emily’s folds as a deep, satisfied breath hits her chin.

“Tell me you’d love it,” a devious smile pulls at her mouth, pushing a digit into her lover and getting a stunned gasp while her hips begin to twitch as they shift. 

Emily moans when another finger is added before they’re both pulled out and rubbed against her clit in a circular motion, not being able to follow instruction and speak but trying to. She nods at first, afterwards gaining a tad more feeling in her limbs matched with an ability to open her mouth to talk, her words ragged but definite.

“I’d love it.”

“Good,” Alison kisses the corner of her mouth and puts more pressure on each sensitive spot between Emily’s thighs, the girl’s hips rolling more to match the pace of her hand.

To keep herself from reacting so severely, Emily covers her mouth by burying her face in Alison’s neck just next to her jawline, a trail of whimpers mixed with moans sounding directly into the girl's ear before she trails lower and bites down to spark a “holy shit” type of reaction from her lover because those noises and sensations are to die for. At the feeling of having teeth against her neck, Alison’s fingers move faster and work harder to earn the same outcome, desperate to push Emily over the edge and feel the sharpness on her skin. Above their bodies, they hear a soft clanking noise once Emily reaches for a spindle on the metal bed frame to grip onto, her palm making a sticking sound that only pushes the atmosphere into a thicker place.

“I want you to be biting my neck when you come undone,” Alison’s words mostly come through exhales and a shaky, low whine, and Emily’s mouth opens when she doesn’t know how to answer the girl or attempt to protest.

The friction against her slick center begins to intensify, shifting her thigh upward and pressing between Alison’s legs to be granted a moan that was too caught off-guard to die off before it came out. It pulls a mirrored sound from Emily, right before she kisses the base of Alison’s neck and bites down gently. She gets distracted within seconds, two fingers running through her dampness before pushing into her with no warning, but forces herself to bite down again and listen to Alison’s request.

The grip on the metal spindle tightens again, her body feeling like it’s going to shut down at any moment, and she loses all mindfulness when it comes to being cautious of following Alison’s instruction to bite hard and leave a mark. She bites at the base of the blonde’s shoulder and neck while her hips shift at a matching pace to the hand between her legs, soon feeling nails digging into her back as Alison clenches her jaw and gets out a shaky whine at the stinging sensation she gets when Emily’s body tenses up. 

Within seconds, the brunette’s climax comes as a finger firmly plays with her clit and nails scratch horizontally along her back, listening to her name falling from Alison’s lips in satisfaction because of the teeth on her neck and wetness on her fingertips. Emily’s arms and legs tingle with a soreness filling her core while crashing slowly, fingers letting up on the headboard’s spindle until her hand falls from the metal rod and drops to the pillowcase. In the meantime, she makes sure to massage the area where her teeth were with kisses and tongue-drags, hoping she didn’t go overboard with it even though it’s kinda Alison’s fault. A hand still lies between her legs but has stopped toying with her sensitive skin, simply lingering between them as Alison breathes deeply. Emily takes some time to collect herself, leaning her forehead against Alison’s cheek, but it’s not too long before she manages to prop herself up and immediately kiss heart-shaped lips that want her just as much.

They all but clash together with thorough need and exhaustion ━ mostly on Emily’s end ━ as Alison’s hands continue to roam her lover’s body with tickling scratches occasionally being dragged along. They eventually grasp the girl’s breasts as much as possible due to the squished-together positioning, squeezing slightly and loving the gorgeous skin beneath her fingertips. The brunette lets out some quiet, leftover whimpers into the other girl’s mouth, still feeling the effects of the massive friction that sent her over the edge mere moments ago, and Alison revels in the taste of Emily’s sounds against her tongue. She feels the sweat between their bodies making their skin stick together more than prior, being a satisfying sensation that only makes the reality of the situation hit them even more. Alison wants to smile ━ and maybe she does a bit ━ due to the overall concept of having Emily after what felt like a lifetime of deliberation. Okay, so it’s only been about two weeks, but━

Her thoughts are put on pause when the girl’s thigh thrusts against her center, Alison’s mouth automatically dropping open with eyes fluttering shut before she opens them again, soon to focus on a mildly courageous Emily with the smallest grin on her face. Their eyes lock through the night’s heaviness and room’s heat, Emily wetting her lips before breaking their back and forth, silent conversation by glancing down toward Alison’s legs. The blonde follows her gaze even though she probably shouldn’t, still not mentally prepared for whatever’s about to happen because, as far as they’ve come tonight, she’s been in control for most of it ━ or so she likes to think. She swallows hard and Emily sees out of her peripherals, her smirk widening with knowing eyes once she’s turned back to Alison who wears sealed lips and a solid facade, attempting to prove that she’s not nervous even though the brunette’s daring, raised-eyebrow look is about to kill her. 

Again, Emily licks her lips, this time switching her position and leaning to the side so she’s only partly draped over Alison, the girl’s legs spread from when a thigh was shoved between. Next, two fingers are touching Alison’s lips, being gently kissed before they’re dragged downward at a slow rate. Alison tries to breathe in the meantime, keeping her vulnerability away from Emily who pays attention to what she’s doing with a straight line being drawn down her lover’s body. The light sensation against the middle of her chest and stomach makes Alison seal her lips since it tickles, but it’s cut off and she takes in a sharp breath when those fingers reach where her pantyline would lie, the feeling stopping right before it’s wandering where it’s really needed. Emily waits for nothing in particular, simply watching the other girl’s chest rise and fall emphatically due to the pressure in her core as her eyes burn a hole through the ceiling above the bed.

Instead of waiting for Emily to drum up some suspense because she refuses to give her that satisfaction, Alison daringly spreads her legs a little more while the brunette turns to look down at where her hand lingers, lips simultaneously parting because she wasn’t expecting it. To fight fire with fire, Emily moves her hand a tad lower while leaning down to Alison’s face as her elbow digs into the pillow beside the girl’s head, making sure they’re entirely eye to eye. A dark, blue gaze stares at her with an evident struggle disrupting the locked sight, wanting to kiss Emily but not being allowed when she lifts her head to connect their lips and her lover pulls away an inch or so. Alison relents and rests back on the pillow once more, ready to convince Emily to kiss her with batted eyelashes and a sweet smile, but, before she can do anything, the pad of the girl’s middle finger begins to trace the entrance to her center. Her mouth falls open and eyes become extremely lidded, appearing like she wants to say something but no words come out and Emily wears a smug grin that Alison could kill her for.

The tingling sensitivity she gets as a result from the tracing makes her seal her lips with what looks to be a pained expression, Emily kissing the corner of her mouth while pushing her finger in a fraction further. Alison breathes out what sounds like a content sigh at the feeling between her legs, also being overwhelmed by the kisses planted along her jaw, down her neck, and traveling to her chest. Her hand automatically tangles in dark brown hair, her other palm resting on the girl’s back and scratching it every now and then when a digit presses into her and a moan isn’t enough to release the abrupt round of pleasure she gets. Her reactions only mesh together once a tongue is working against her nipple, followed by a gentle bite and moment of sucking that has her body feeling an assortment of emotions and stimulations. Emily angles her hand differently, pushing two fingers into the girl and listening to a louder moan come from Alison’s clenched teeth as her head tilts back with nails digging into tanned skin and soft hair.

She works on Alison’s body systematically, either opposing careful sucking and biting with firm strokes and vibrations, or matching the two, obviously overwhelming sensations with similar tactics. Emily kisses her way across to the other side of Alison’s chest, tongue immediately circling her nipple before backing up to blow cold air on the area and getting a sharp whine in response, though it’s elongated when a groan pushes through due to the brunette forcibly rubbing her clit with two fingers. Devious lips go back to toying with the girl’s breast, her hand still working hard between Alison’s legs, and the blonde’s body begins to tense up and relax repeatedly. Alison doesn’t bother trying to swallow her moans, whimpers, or Emily’s name, but the pressure in her core begins to spill over and, suddenly, the hand that tangled in long hair reaches downward and almost entwines their fingers as she pushes them further against herself. It extracts an even-louder gasp, barely coming out while her mouth stays open due to the fresh wave of feeling, and her nails dig into Emily’s back before scratching the girl’s skin. A soft breath from the brunette is drown out by Alison’s building orgasm, the blonde forcefully pulling her lover upward so she can at least relatively try to muffle herself with another mouth. Emily only leans her nose against Alison’s, the girl’s mouth quivering for a split second before her lip is clasped between her teeth. 

She’s driven to the edge of her climax within moments, Emily’s fingers moving quickly and with absolute purpose, Alison’s grasp holding her firmly in place while the nails dug into her back don’t let up. Her orgasm slams into her body as Emily’s nose is against hers, enjoying both the sounds and sight completely while paying attention to every moment of it. 

Alison whines at the exhaustion that hits her limbs, not formerly noticing that her back arched at some point and her nails continue to stick to Emily’s skin as if she’s dug too deep. She relaxes, however, and her body slumps while forcefully holding their entwined fingers between her legs so the other girl doesn’t try to toy with her any further in her current state. Her tongue rubs against her lower lip when she feels it’s beginning to chap from the cool air passing continuously, and a shy kiss is placed at the corner of her mouth. She almost forgets that she’s in bed with Emily, feeling so light due to the energy evaporating from her body a short time ago, but manages to turn her head and kiss kind lips with a tired smile covering her mouth.

Sometime during the new embrace, Alison releases the girl’s hand from between her legs and a breath escapes her throat at the loss of pressure below. Emily’s fingertips dance across smooth skin, ending up just barely cupping her lover’s jaw as they kiss warmly, and she halfheartedly lies on top of a tired body with a newfound desire to deliver even more pleasure to Alison despite the short time-frame that’s followed her previous climax. In the end, their kiss doesn’t last too long between Alison’s drained energy from her orgasm and Emily’s desire to taste the girl who lies below her, and the brunette gives a final, heated peck to her mouth before flashing a sly smile that the other girl only sees once her eyes flicker open. Emily begins to move her mouth down Alison’s chin, throat, and sternum as her hand drags down naked skin with nails scratching along the way, strangled breaths coming from a dry throat and chapped lips. 

Alison can’t bring herself to attempt to delay the pleasure that’s about to cover everything that just numbed the spot between her legs, only lying still as Emily takes her time nourishing her body with kisses and gestures that make her skin tingle. She can’t even find the energy to moan at the stimulations, lips only parted for the time being with cool air passing through the openness. Her arms finally gather the strength to lift over her head, simply rubbing and holding onto the pillow beneath where her hair is splayed out, but her nails dig into the fabric just as Emily’s driven mouth dots kisses around her belly button before dipping lower.

She catches herself looking forward to feeling Emily’s tongue moving through her folds for the first time, anticipating the knowledge of how it’ll make her react even though she’s already pretty sure the girl is far more experienced than she is ━ not that it’s a bad thing, whatsoever ━ but the determined bites and kisses lift from the skin of her lower stomach within seconds. Alison glances down at the loss of contact, making sure the action doesn’t look overly eager because she doesn’t want to give Emily that power just yet, and captured eyes are staring up at her with a mildly devious shade covering her features while the blonde’s elbows lean her a few inches upward so she can take advantage of the silent conversation.

Quickly, it makes Alison bite her inner cheek with a look that tells Emily to stop playing around, but the brunette only deepens her grin with raised eyebrows and eyes that float down to the girl’s sweaty skin. Emily has her torso propped up by her elbows while the rest of her body is adjusted so she isn’t falling off the bed, Alison noting the position and how the girl only needs to shift a bit lower before her mouth is working in a way she’s nearly ready to plead for. She’s being assessed and she can tell, however, so Alison only presses her tongue to her inner cheek while moving her lower half so she can bend her legs a bit more for Emily’s angle, nonverbally telling her to give in because she knows she wants it, just as much.

It’s practically a battle of who caves first, neither wanting to surrender even though Alison can see Emily’s eyes drifting as if she wants to.

“Go ahead,” the blonde decides to toy with her lover as much as she’s being messed with, biting her lip after the words are out. 

Emily’s stare doesn’t waver, only narrowing, and she keeps her voice husky while asking, “Where?” with enticement that Alison can’t run away from.

She’s clearly trying to keep up and Alison hesitates at the lone word, and normally she’d want to fight back and win whatever battle that’s drumming up, but the aching in her center has returned to push through the former sensitivity, simply wanting to feel Emily against her. The tip of her tongue is trapped between her teeth for a single second, eyes drifting down her own torso to where the brunette lies and eventually looking at her again to instruct, “Down.”

The other girl seems interested in the response, smile reforming on her face before leaning down to Alison’s skin and pressing her lips to the softness beneath. Alison drops her back onto the mattress to get comfortable again, tilting her chin upward and deeply exhaling once a mouth drags along her lower stomach but nowhere further.

“Keep going down.”

Emily grins against her skin and she can feel it, Alison wanting to match it because it’s not totally smug but mostly adoring. She doesn’t have the chance to mirror the expression, however, because Emily sucks her skin until there’s a faint mark, extracting a tiny moan paired with one of her hands reaching down to tangle in brown hair. 

After five, additional seconds, the brunette decides to move even closer to where she knows the other girl wants her to be, pressing multiple, open-mouthed kisses to the damp area surrounding Alison’s center until her lips ghost over the wet heat. She hears a sharp intake of breath followed by a round of what sounds like frustrated whining, so Emily pokes her tongue out of her mouth and drags it upward with a gentleness, Alison getting out a shaky moan that’s only partly satisfied.

It’s not enough, Alison heavily breathes again, and she realistically wants to groan because she’s already tired of being teased, so she firmly yet calmly pulls Emily closer with her legs spreading a little further, keeping her voice solid while saying, “More.”

The word is granted what she requested, a tongue pressing against her center more than before and sliding in every place that makes her body and mouth react. She gasps, “Thank you,” before tilting her head back into the pillow and allowing herself to enjoy the feeling, Emily humming in response to her gratitude and getting a whimper from the girl above. The hand in her hair tangles more while occasionally scratching her scalp, the girl’s other fingers reaching up for a horizontal bar of the headboard and grasping onto it with a sticky palm.

Alison already begins to feel her back wanting to arch, also shifting her hips as her lower half twitches against Emily’s attentive mouth. A firm tongue hits her clit repeatedly and her eyes flicker shut even though she believes she’s seeing stars, her nails scratching the metal bar she’s holding onto while also pulling the brunette’s face impossibly closer. 

Emily laps up the wetness between her lover’s legs, tasting her fully and reveling in the girl’s uniqueness while clamping onto shaking thighs with nails digging into sweat-shimmering skin to angle herself better. She sucks on Alison’s folds, pulling out a cracked, strangled moan with the girl somewhat arching toward her mouth when she wants even more. Her name is chanted twice or maybe three times, the last one being too cut-off to be heard completely, and Emily moves her lips to wrap them around the girl’s clit when she feels her ready to give in.

The blonde’s mouth hangs open and it seems nothing else is going to come out when her throat is too clenched and her body is tensing up too hard, wondering if she’s going to get a cramp in her spread legs before she finally climaxes again, but the assumption is tipped when Emily shifts her determination and pushes forward with a languid tongue rubbing against every sensitive area below her lips. Her former wonder is replaced with an abrupt thought that every held-up moan is going to explode from her throat in the form of a scratched yell, but they remain dead in her chest with the exception of a small, raspy “F━” and a shaky half-whine, half-hum when her body slumps onto the mattress again.

Down toward the edge of the bed, Emily seems just as satisfied by the recent orgasm, not being able to stop herself from smiling as she kisses the insides of Alison’s thighs to send more tingles up the girl’s body. She drags her lips upward with nails scratching tender skin beneath her palms, hearing Alison release the headboard with her hand falling to the pillow beside her head. The grip in Emily’s hair loosens, as well, but remains resting on her back as they become face to face once more, the brunette hesitating while studying Alison’s features because she’s not sure how comfortable she’d be if━ 

Alison leans up and kisses her with timidity, sighing into the short lip-lock when she tastes herself on the girl’s mouth. Emily grins again, the blonde matching it until the embrace is completely disrupted by each happy expression. A gentle hand holds onto the back of Emily’s neck as they try to kiss again, Alison’s legs occasionally moving against the mattress when she wants to get some feeling back.

A final, comforting peck is exchanged between bruised lips, and Emily lets out a breath against Alison’s mouth until she falls to the side so she can situate herself next to the blonde, the two girls facing one another while only a few inches apart. Alison briefly looks at Emily and can see sparkling in the girl’s eyes, randomly covering her face and beginning to laugh cutely because she’s never been this free and happy while in bed with someone, and the brunette beams at the sound once she feels it too. Her smile lessens slowly without losing contentedness, however, when the girl across from her seems to force herself into being more relaxed, sealing her lips and adjusting her head against the pillow while closing her eyes. She still feels exhausted, that’s a given, but also feels driven to lean in and kiss Emily’s lips over and over ━ something that the brunette certainly wouldn’t complain about.

Again, blue eyes mix with brown, both drowning in each other’s near-tangible satisfaction and airy attitudes. They’re holding a silent conversation like the majority of tonight, being content with the silence and solid breathing, but, soon, Emily’s focus drifts to the base of Alison’s neck, finally laying eyes upon the massive mark on what looks to be mostly her shoulder. Her mouth opens and she partly bows her head into the pillow, coming off as shy and maybe slightly regretful.

“I’m so sorry,” it comes through a soft giggle but Alison knows she really means it once she remembers what happened, smiling hard and shaking her head as she leans in and kisses timid lips again and again, afterwards getting back into her pillow-talk position.

“I’m not,” she finally replies through complete honesty and trust, Emily’s cheeks warming up at the answer.

Not getting a response, Alison reaches for her lover’s hand and carefully plays with her fingers, being watched by kind, admirable eyes that sparkle with something deeper than what they’ve discussed. The blonde feels it too but swallows the emotion down, though it doesn’t stop another level of wonder from coursing through her body as she primarily focuses on playing with the brunette’s hand between their bodies, held up just inches above the mattress.

“I have a question,” Alison whispers, voice careful but also unwavering.

She takes a moment to look away from Emily’s hand and peers up into attentive eyes, knowing that she has the girl’s undivided attention before going back to focusing on tender skin.

“Do you treat everyone like this when you’re in bed?” it isn’t judgmental or jealous, but the softness and sheer openness catches Emily off-guard considering how playful and teasing they’ve been for hours prior to this ━ disregarding their current, cool-down states. 

Her forehead creases in a form of confusion, staring into blue, wondering eyes when they’re staring at her deeply. Alison bites her lower lip for a fraction of a second, her demeanor shy but visibly hopeful ━ something that makes Emily’s heart flutter while fingertips touch to hers, their palms soon pressing flat against one another as if the blonde is measuring how big their hands are. Alison’s focus trails off to their hands again, wanting to explain the question further but not having the courage to do so while looking straight at Emily due to her fear of rejection.

As she faces away, she mutters, “Are you always this… considerate and gentle? Like they’re your lover and not just… a partner?”

Her eyes briefly flicker back to Emily’s, darting away quickly.

“No,” the answer comes almost immediately, being calm and honest.

Alison hears the tone and stares into her eyes again, wondering if she’ll find a trace of disguise and/or a swirling lie hidden within the dark color. Part of her hopes to find some, honestly, because letting herself fall so hard for someone this different could be dangerous when it comes to her inability to trust others easily, but the rest of her wants to take a deeper, emotional chance on Emily; the girl has such a big heart, albeit maybe it’s a little rough around the edges due to her own past, but the sensation she brings is so warm and inviting, causing Alison to feel like she wants to drown herself in it for the rest of her life. The thought is scary and they both admit to that, but it’s… drawing.

It’s completing.

“Good,” Alison gathers some courage and whispers once she can truly tell that Emily’s being genuine, remembering how shaky the girl’s focus becomes when she  _ is  _ lying.

Emily pauses, meanwhile gathering up some confidence and saying, “Ali?” in what is more of a questionative tone than stating.

The girl raises her eyebrows to silently tell the brunette to continue, watching her have a brief, internal debate before being stunned when the question, “Will you please stay the night?” floats between them.

Initially, she wonders why Emily is asking seeing as though they’re naked in bed together and it’s already pretty late, but soon remembers the girl’s former lifestyle and, really, she’s probably not all that used to people staying over once they’re finished doing whatever. The thought makes her want to shift her jaw and roll her eyes when she's attacked with a sting of jealousy, but the underlying, hinting words that they’d most recently shared makes her feel more at-ease; she's more of a lover than a basic, lone-night partner, and it’s the best feeling when that’s what she wants to be in Emily’s eyes.

With a tender smile, Alison gives her an understanding nod and crawls closer while absentmindedly nudging Emily onto her back. She presses her body down onto the brunette’s, partly tilting her head to the side and leaning down to kiss her mouth once, twice, three times.

“Only if you share the bed with me,” a smirk tugs at one corner of her lips, Emily remembering their conversation from a few nights ago and giving her a reminiscent, hopeful grin matching an accepting nod.

They share another round of several pecks, threatening to deepen each time, but, before they can, Alison makes sure to linger not even an inch away while brushing her lips against Emily’s, whispering, “Thank you,” as the brunette can feel the words sound against her mouth. She wants to question the reply, more so because it was shaded with complete honesty about something deeper rather than the short conversation they were just holding simply about sharing a bed.

Realistically, Emily remains quiet and goes to kiss Alison again, however she’s not able to seal the girl’s lips fully before a now-enticing “I’m not done with you yet” graces her ears and chills are sent across her skin for what feels like the thousandth time tonight, ultimately pushing her forward and pressing her mouth to the blonde’s with a new spark of energy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's the tension-reliever we've been looking for!
> 
> Okay, self, stop being creepy for a second ━ or many seconds. 
> 
> Needless to say this was more than just a ! moment in the fic. I mean, obviously it was that, but also… it meant something to both of them (and we'll hear them admit that, don't worry), and it was far more sensual (in my opinion) than other moments. For example: Their initial meet-up was beyond teasing and playful, whereas they showed real meaning in this chapter ━ especially Emily. That little invitation for Alison to sleep over meant a lot for both of them; for Emily, she's making sure the night is known as more than just a one-night stand, and she's putting herself out there for Alison to reject her (hence the "stay the night" invitation), while, on the other side of things, Alison is putting her trust in Emily after every menacing thought she's had ━ while also joking about work in bed, ha-ha funny. Heck, they both noticed each other's actions being more lovable than anything which, on the face of things, could be freakin' terrifying, but it's a risk they each decided to take.
> 
> So, where do we go from here? If this was a short story, I'd be ending it after this chapter because, come on, this looks like a happy ending, and, if I wrote it accurately, they could survive whatever comes next. But, then again, there's just that; something has to come next, and they'll have to survive it ━ together.
> 
> In the future chapters, we'll have a fluffy morning-after (I wouldn't take that away from you, don't worry), some much-needed discussions when it comes to what this chapter meant for them, a confrontation that's oh-so-#yikes-worthy, and a lot of other shit that's going to both break them and build them up stronger. Misery lives deep within everyone and I'm a firm believer in that idea (how dreadful, I know), but it's only there to bring out the best in everyone, so some demons are going to have to be battled before I get to deliver a sweet and smooth-sailing endgame.
> 
> Who's ready?
> 
> I'll see you back soon, my people. For now, I'll be doing schoolwork and playing around on my new laptop. Actually, I'll likely be playing Uncharted, honestly. Otherwise, I'm always on Tumblr ("capn-charlie") so feel free to ask questions there, rant, love me, etc.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are my favs doing?
> 
> Yes, that's you guys.
> 
> Seriously, you're always having me smile like the world's biggest cheese ball in front of my family. It's wonderful, honestly, and thank you for exercising my facial muscles so often. It's a daunting quality to have such a bad resting bitch face. Kidding, sorta.
> 
> Truly excited that everyone enjoyed last chapter, and I hope that trend continues as we further read into the story. Wow, we're already halfway done. I know, I know, get those words AWAY FROM HERE━ We're not done yet, though, so that's great news. I still have a lot to show y'all. Starting now.
> 
> Revel in the morning-after.

She watches dark drips of coffee land at the bottom of a formerly empty pot, her fingertips tapping against the edge of the counter whilst rolling her neck. A deep breath empties from her lungs, smile permanently covering her mouth because last night was absolutely incredible and waking up with Alison by her side was far more fulfilling than anything she could’ve imagined. In fact, even the sleep that soothed her body after their late-night activities was phenomenal, her drained limbs being weighted to the mattress while lying close to the blonde whose figure was sunken into the sheets below them, resting what looked to be equally content features that Emily just wanted to trace each time her eyes fluttered open for a brief amount of time.

The sound of the bathroom door unlatching floats over to where she stands in the kitchen, her bare feet shuffling across the floor to catch sight of Alison sauntering back into the bedroom with a giggle before being hidden behind a wall because she knew Emily would try to peek at her naked body. The brunette laughs and shakes her head, biting her lower lip with blushing cheeks that fade within seconds of appearing. Glancing at the still-filling pot of fresh coffee, Emily breathes out through closed lips and makes a funny noise, eyes drifting past the champagne bottle that’s still in its spot from last night and eventually landing upon her phone resting atop the counter. She walks over to it, realizing that she’s been completely M.I.A. since the banquet last night which ultimately destroys her promise to text her friends before sleeping each evening. Reaching for the device, her assumption proves correct when reading Aria’s most recent message:

_ “I know you’re sick of us asking, but are you alright?” _

Emily frowns at the concern for a short moment, but it morphs into a tinge of understanding because she kinda-sorta left pretty abruptly last night. Part of her wishes that she could tell her friends, especially now that her relationship ━ or, well, whatever-it-is ━ with Alison has become a tad more solid, but who knows what the blonde, herself, wants out of this. It seems pretty clear, Emily muses with a subtle smirk, remembering the way blue eyes had read her while naked skin clung together with hints of sweat and pressure between them. The atmosphere was heavy for the entirety of the night, actually carrying on to the point of the two picking up where they left off once they woke up together.

Over two hours ago, her eyes had begrudgingly opened at a tired rate, wanting to close time and time again but also having a strong desire to spend every waking moment with the girl facing her with a mirrored, sleepy demeanor. Alison was more awake than she was, an adorable, exhausted grin on her face with five inches of space separating their bodies. Although Emily couldn’t function properly given the amount of time she was half-awake and struggling to stir further, Alison whispered,  _ “Good morning,” _ and earned a smile in return. Following the lack of real response, the blonde smirked partly, still staring at the girl in front of her, and notified,  _ “You have a cute snore, you know.” _

Emily’s eyes opened more and Alison wasn’t sure if she was trying to glare or attempting to stay awake, but her wonders were answered by a sleepy chuckle matched with a quiet  _ “I don’t snore”  _ coming from the brunette who slowly reached out and pulled her closer.

Alison willingly moved toward her with a disagreeing, flat hum and tucked her arms into Emily’s body as she was hugged, face close to an already-marked neck and bare skin. The sight was enough to make Alison want to continue the previous night’s encounter and Emily knew it, feeling hot, open-mouthed kisses being pressed against the spot underneath her jaw, down her neck, and across her throat. To reciprocate the desire because her body felt just as tingly from the overwhelming sense of need, Emily tilted her chin downward and captured Alison’s lips, ending with the blonde’s body being nudged onto the mattress until she was straddled.

“Coffee and Chinese food?” Alison smirks as she walks into the kitchen, Emily jumping and dropping her phone onto the countertop but clearing her throat to rid her mind of non-innocent thoughts. “A little odd, but I’ll take it,” she teases and pretends to not notice the brunette’s stiff posture from having her dirty imagination broken up.

“I can cancel our order, if you’d like,” Emily raises her eyebrows in recovery, crossing her arms and leaning her butt against the counter’s edge.

“ _ No _ , you cannot,” her answer is smooth, the other girl snickering as she’s not being faced for the time being.

_ “You’re gonna think this sounds so weird,” Alison’s body is pressed against Emily’s, partially on top of her but mostly shifted to the side with the faint sound of the girl’s heartbeat playing in her ear.  _

_ “Try me,” the brunette takes a deep breath, running her fingers through soft strands of hair. _

_ “I’m really in the mood for some Chinese food right now.” _

_ The statement gets a chuckle, Alison shaking her head while matching the reaction because it’s the weirdest thing she’s said after sleeping with someone; oddly enough (or maybe not), her comfort level with Emily is far greater than she expected, only growing each time they stare into one another’s eyes while disregarding the fact that they’re completely bare and look like two messes. _

_ “Do you want me to order some?” _

_ Emily’s question earns a disbelieving expression from Alison who leans up on her elbow, also appearing amused before her eyes narrow in suspicion. _

_ “You’d do that?” she watches the brunette nod with a soft hum. “You’d seriously get us Chinese food for breakfast?” _

_ “Um, it’s almost noon,” Emily corrects, sounding carefree, “but… why not? That’s not the strangest thing I’ve eaten for breakfast.” _

_ Alison squints further, “Was there supposed to be a hidden innuendo in that statement, or…?” _

Emily bites her lower lip, her mind flashing back to the way she rolled her eyes when the question was asked before her mouth was pressed against Alison’s yet again. Of course, however, Alison decided to be a pain once faced with the question of what she wanted to order, Emily only being given the response,  _ “Surprise me.” _ In turn, Emily only answered,  _ “You’re a pain,”  _ with a laugh that Alison smiled at, stopping the girl from dialing when she asked if she could use her shower, in the meantime. 

The request threw her for a loop, in all honesty, but just when she thought her heart couldn’t beat any faster, Alison tripped her up one more time and tore into whatever last bit of coherency she had left within the walls of her mind, leaving the brunette dumbfounded when she casually notified,  _ “And I’m gonna have to borrow some of your clothes,” _ with a knowing glint in her eye ━ one that also said she’s about to enjoy the feeling of Emily’s clothes against her skin, just as much.

As Alison turns around once she’s taken a few sips of coffee, she locks eyes with Emily who seems shy but also overly content, the remnants of a smile covering the majority of her features with an airiness taking over the room’s feeling.

“You look nice,” Emily comments, enjoying the sight of Alison wearing one of her old, high school sweatshirts that she’s always been fond of because of the memories it holds. 

“You’re only saying that because this is yours,” her fingers gingerly poke at her own, upper hip, hinting at the garment loosely covering her torso. 

“So what if I am?”

The blonde obviously doesn’t have a good rebuttal, rubbing her lips together while trying to stop the beaming smile from running over her playful expression; it’s clear that she’s happy and, admittedly, that’s all she feels, but it’s way too fun toying with the girl in front of her. In the end, much to her reluctance, all she wants to do is drown in the emotions flowing through her body, her posture relaxing as her eyes float down to the floor.

“I’ll admit… I could probably live in this,” her voice is quiet but Emily hears with no disruption.

“I’d let you.”

A shyness takes over Alison’s attitude, the sudden understanding that things are getting serious finally hitting her in the face ━ not to say she doesn’t like it. Emily, similarly, is beginning to get crushed by a giant weight of “wow, this is real,” and it’s surprisingly welcomed; she enjoys the notion of having someone solid in her life ━ someone who wants to be with her for more than a basic, hungry reason. 

“So,” Alison clears her throat, “judging by the name right here…” she points at the stitched lettering clinging to the sweatshirt’s left breast, “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say you were a jock, back in the day.”

“I suppose you could put it that way,” a laugh is given, Emily nodding.

“Makes sense as to why you’ve apparently got a nice…  _ list  _ of former lovers,” the blonde raises her eyebrows.

“Is that jealousy I hear?” she sounds smug with her head tilted to the side, being amused even further when the other girl shifts her jaw with her tongue pressing against her inner cheek.

“Maybe a little,” Alison ducks her head as she stands, exhaling.

“Oh, so we  _ can  _ admit things,” Emily accuses with a smile, but Alison’s mouth drops open in faux offense with a curt, dark chuckle tumbling out.

“Hey, I admit a lot more to you than you do to me.”

“How do you figure that?” the challenge is solid even though it’s said through a facade that hides the fact that Emily knows Alison is right, waiting for an answer but not receiving one when the blonde merely gives her a pointed look before turning around to sip her coffee again.

The new position is inviting, Emily decides with a newer smirk, casually walking up behind her and wrapping comfortable arms around Alison’s waist. At first, she leans her chin on the girl’s shoulder while listening to the subtle sound of the blonde tasting her warm drink, but her need for more attention gets the best of her, and, before either of them know it, smooth lips are pressing against the skin of Alison’s neck. It takes five, elongated pecks to her tender, mark-covered skin before Emily’s lips simply linger in the same spot with intent to take in Alison’s freshly clean scent, admiring the obvious mix of body wash and her normal, personal essence. 

The hands holding onto her waist begin to slowly glide beneath the baggy sweatshirt she’s wearing, Alison’s lip being bitten between her teeth while her body is graced with a fresh batch of goosebumps when she feels Emily’s fingertips traveling higher. She wonders if the girl knew she wasn’t wearing a bra due to the lack of hesitation once her palms passed where the garment should lie, but whatever train of thought she was forming diminishes once hands are grasping her naked breasts and squeezing. Deep breaths hit her neck and make it harder to concentrate, her hands trying to grip the edge of the counter but slipping repeatedly until she solely presses her fingers to the surface with intent to hold herself up.

“You’re really a boob person, aren’t you?” Alison now bites one side of her lip while teasing since it’s only her defense at this point, trying to scrape together some playfulness while hot breath fogs her skin.

Emily shifts her chin so she can lean it on her shoulder, “Are you  _ presuming  _ that I’m more of a boob person than an ass person?”

“Mhm,” the hum comes through a tiny laugh, being entertained by the bounced, skeptical question laced with accusation. 

“I can appreciate both,” she feels Emily’s lips curve into a grin when they’re pressed against her neck again, two kisses being given to the area. 

“No, you have to pick one or the other,” she laughs again, this time a bit stronger before feeling thumbs flick across her nipples as she waits for an answer, her fingertips pressed against the countertop and turning red from staying in the same position for a while. 

“I pick both,” Emily kisses behind Alison’s ear, the girl getting out a breathy, stunned chuckle when the brunette’s hands squeeze her chest another time.

For the first time in this encounter, Alison allows herself to enjoy the feeling for a little bit, willingly parting her lips to release a low moan that comes through an exhale, followed by trying to regulate her breathing. She tilts her head to the side for a brief amount of time, the lips on her neck traveling around the exposed area and nibbling here and there while Alison does the same to her lower lip. Her fingers slip from the countertop twice more, finally placing her palms on the surface and breathing out with a whimper disrupting the relaxing feeling. Emily begins to suck on a patch of sensitive skin, her fingertips shifting against Alison’s breasts with her palms brushing past the girl’s nipples, deliberately making a fresh mark that covers one from last night ━ not to say they aren’t noticeable otherwise because, when they were scurrying out of bed this morning, Emily felt her eyes widening due to the colorful━ 

“Are you going to be this driven every morning we have together?” Alison manages to find her voice, using it to keep up with her taunting nature. 

The underlying, prodding wonder makes Emily quirk an eyebrow with a faded laugh being felt against Alison’s shoulder; she thinks back to this morning’s activities and the blonde’s determination to get the mood back to where it was hours beforehand, intentionally sparking something by letting her hands wander on contact. Their kisses instantly grew more heated, Emily practically blacking out until her tongue was freely tracing between Alison’s legs with an almost-unbearable temperature taking over the air beneath the comforter that only added to the fact that the blonde’s inner thighs were so warm and her skin was extremely sensitive.

Emily clears her throat to shoot down her own imagination, “I should be asking you that.”

Alison falls silent with a bashful smirk as she picks up her coffee and takes a bigger gulp once Emily’s ministrations come to a halt, ultimately thinking the same and smiling harder because she’s already getting hit with a strong desire to shove the girl back into the bedroom even though their food should be here sometime soon. Emily grows quiet but in a less-fun way, her demeanor turning serious even though Alison doesn’t notice because she’s too busy lost in her own world. It isn’t until the brunette whispers that she’s brought back to Earth, paying attention to the way fingertips come to a standstill against the skin of her chest. 

“Are we going to have more mornings together?” Emily asks, her voice flat because she doesn’t want to get too hopeful, opting to remain even-tempered in case Alison isn’t feeling too serious about whatever they’re becoming.

It doesn’t get a bad reaction from the blonde, in reality; she instantly smiles harder and bows her head, slowly turning around once her coffee cup is put back into its former spot on the countertop. Meanwhile, Emily’s hands begin to leave the blonde’s sweatshirt to rest on her waist, wanting to evade blue eyes that peer into hers with a hint of understanding but also genuine wonder.

“You didn’t want last night to be a one-night stand?” Alison, again, looks for a trace of any type of secret, making sure she isn’t lying once she answers because this is a new type of vulnerability for both of them considering everything that surrounds the relationship they’re forming ━ or trying to, at least.

“No,” her answer matches what Alison sees, the blonde smiling comfortingly to hide the relieved sigh she wants to come out with. 

“Okay, then,” it’s an airy response that’s cut short when she kisses Emily, though the brunette ends up separating them with a severe (yet not-so-serious) frown.

“What?” Alison wants to laugh, more so because she knows what she’s doing and realizes that Emily is catching onto her tricks ━ well, actually, she already has.

“You have this thing you do where you tend to take my answer and hide away with it without giving  _ me  _ something in return,” Emily drones, eyes pointed. “It’s a bad habit,” her voice shakes with partial amusement but also exhaustion, wanting a straight answer from Alison whose cheeks gain a fullness when she grins heavily. 

“Emily Fields,” her mouth opens in entertainment, “are you hinting at the time I asked for your name and waited to tell you mine?”

“Yes, actually, I am,” Emily looks away, forcibly biting her lower lip to stop herself from blushing.

“Oh, so you hold grudges?”

“Little ones,” a smirk takes over.

“Aw, I guess you  _ can  _ admit things,” Alison coos with a babyish tone, bringing her hands up and pinching Emily’s cheeks before they’re swatted away.

“Stop,” she partly whines and the other girl bites the tip of her tongue before shyly peering up into brown eyes through her eyelashes, simultaneously feeling a thumb gently trace the skin of her stomach. 

Alison lets the air thin out from the massive teasing with a fresh wave of silence, Emily staring at her and visibly holding onto apprehension because she still hasn’t gotten an answer from the blonde. In fact, Alison can see that she’s starting to have doubts as if she thinks she’s the only one who really wants this in a serious light, so she metaphorically kicks herself in the ass and decides to take a chance with Emily. 

She decides to  _ fall  _ with Emily. 

“Last night wasn’t a one-night stand,” Alison starts with a mutter, eyes drifting away for a short moment in fear that Emily will try to backtrack and reject her. 

When she  _ can  _ look into the girl’s eyes, however, she explains, “It wasn’t a one-night stand not only because you didn’t want it to be, but because… it meant something to me.” 

The confession gets a barely noticeable smile from Emily, the reaction faded and not visible unless it’s searched for. Alison, waiting and getting lost in her eyes, ends up finishing with the words, “It meant a lot,” being practically mouthed, her voice dying somewhere in her throat. 

A sense of satisfaction is written across Emily’s face, accompanied by a visible attitude of comfort and adoration. The sight makes Alison feel at-ease, happy with the leap she’s recently taken as her mouth turns upward into a smile until it’s wiped away when Emily leans forward and connects their lips in a kiss that’s barely felt initially. When she puts not even an inch of space between their faces, Alison whispers, “It meant something last night, and I want it to mean something when it happens again.”

Though her words are shaded with shyness, something instantly stirs within Alison’s stomach when she sees Emily’s eyes flicker a shade darker, also sensing the air thickening because she, herself, can barely focus when the proximity is too distracting. She decides to capitalize on the impending, heated atmosphere with a devilish grin taking the place of her former, innocent smile, the muttered words, “…And again, and again…” being matched with the seductive nature of her motions; once her lips are back on Emily’s, her fingers glide the brunette’s palm back up the side of her torso until it’s resting on her breast, beginning to kiss heavily while also feeling the girl’s other hand sliding along her hip and downward until it’s grabbing her ass. 

At the same time, Alison’s fingertips gingerly walk up Emily’s chest until she’s hardly holding onto the back of the girl’s neck with an apprehension that wasn’t there previously, wanting to fully give herself to the brunette in an emotional way so soon. She admits that they’ve gotten way closer ━ even before last night ━ but there’s always that underlying guard that keeps her soul from being entirely exposed to someone, and, right now, she can feel herself being lured into a raw, vulnerable state without knowing of Emily’s long-term intentions. It’s crazy, she thinks, because they’ve known each other for less than a month and, like Emily said, it’s hardly been sweet and smooth for the time’s majority, but Alison meant what she said when claiming that the girl is different ━ and it’s far better than she expected. Emily cares about her and she knows it, even if they hadn’t spent that night almost a week ago throwing stories and facts back and forth, a prime example being when they were in hot water with one another and the brunette took it upon herself to ask if she’s okay. Alison admired that, and just maybe this risk will pay off.

Maybe she  _ can  _ have her dream job while keeping Emily close in the most tender way.

Fate.

Emily nudges her nose against Alison’s when she feels the girl drifting out of their spur-the-moment make out session, but a smile appears on the blonde’s face and her features instantly match it. Both grins are erased within a lone second, a peck placed on their lips as it holds a strong desire to turn into more, but the moment is lost when a knock is heard at the door and they’re separating.

The brunette clears her throat, muttering, “It’s probably the delivery kid,” while carefully backing out of the kitchen, mindlessly (and flirtatiously) requesting, “Can you answer it? The money’s in my wallet.”

Alison giggles but nods at no one in particular once she’s alone in the kitchen, fixing her shorts and sweatshirt in order to look publicly presentable while sauntering over to the door and unlatching it. 

Once she’s face to face with who they thought to be the food delivery kid, however, she wishes that they had looked through the peep-hole before opening the door because, now, she’s wide-eyed while staring at Hanna and Aria who appear stunned in a similar way. Her heart drops into the pit of her stomach, a pukey sensation stirring in her gut even though she can’t properly react with a forced smile or a mere, shitty greeting. 

In fact, none of them say anything, Alison’s mouth hanging open while Aria glances at Hanna who hasn’t blinked since the door opened. They stand there for what feels like forever before Emily is shuffling toward Alison while folding the money between her fingers and partly rambling with an airy “Sorry, I couldn’t find my wallet for a few,” but her posture stiffens once she’s also face to face with her friends and it’s all one big ball of awkward.

She almost immediately recovers for the sake of Alison’s stress level, knowing the girl standing next to her is likely going through an assortment of different emotions considering that they still haven’t exactly spoken about how they’re going to go about whatever they have between them, so a forced smile is plastered across her mouth as she goes to speak, but no words come out and she slumps her shoulders.

“If you’re going to stare at us like that, can you at least come in so we can shut the damn door?” Emily speaks in a way that’s under her breath, not looking at her friends who hesitate before crossing over the threshold and passing her on their way in.

The door is latched shut behind them, Alison crossing her arms tightly against her chest and forcibly standing away from everyone while Emily rubs at her bicep and licks her lips in thought, still being assessed by her friends who silently linger ━ albeit Hanna appears more skeptical than upset and Aria gives off a sympathetic vibe. Within the silence, Hanna occasionally side-eyes the other blonde, noting her outfit being Emily’s and the dark marks along the skin of her neck just hidden below the fabric covering her torso. She raises her eyebrows and bows her head, wanting to speak up and make things less weird but knowing that anything she says will probably piss someone off.

“At least now we know why you’ve been acting so odd lately,” Aria is first to mutter something, Hanna internally thanking her for being the one to break the silence.

Alison shifts her jaw as her eyes dart to Emily, quickly leaving once the brunette also glances at her with an apologetic nature. Emily’s shoulders slump again and she breathes out, afterwards rubbing her hands together in a manner that makes her look open to discussing whatever’s going on ━ though it’s not like she  _ wants  _ to be open.

“May we at least ask what this is?” again, Aria voices both her and Hanna’s thoughts, not sounding angry but confused. “What…” her question trails off, wanting to know why they look so guilty even though it’s far beyond obvious.

“It’s…” Emily goes to answer, falling flat on her face almost immediately, “I don’t know.”

Alison ducks her head, wishing she could intervene, but, similar to before, she feels sick because  _ of course  _ she fucking jinxed something with her positive thinking and “fateful” mindset.

“Look,  _ whatever  _ it is…” Hanna pauses, looking between the two, “it doesn’t matter. There’s clearly  _ something  _ going on between you two, judging by the way you’re both marked up like you had some competition of who can bite harder,” her voice trails off into a mumble, “but you don’t need to tell us.”

“Hanna━” Emily tries to interrupt, thinking she picked up on some malice sprinkled throughout the girl’s words but, really, she hadn’t, so Hanna instantly runs over whatever she was about to say.

“No, I’m not saying that because I’m pissed,” she sounds forceful. “I’m saying it because I know what…” stopping herself, a deep breath is taken. “You obviously didn’t say anything for a reason.”

“I think we all know what that reason is,” Aria whispers to no one in particular, everyone reacting with uneasiness.

“You guys know you can’t━” the taller brunette starts to lecture her friends, being cut short yet again.

“We’re not idiots,” now, Hanna appears upset and Emily shrinks back, but the blonde’s demeanor softens when she realizes that she semi-snapped, soon turning her focus to Alison who’s been silent for this entire, accidental encounter. “We won’t say anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Alison swallows hard and partly tilts her chin upward, “Good.”

Once she realizes that it sounded somewhat pissy, she throws in a small “Thank you” and she’s given a faded, understanding smile.

“But I’m not going to be able to look at you the same,” Hanna adds as an afterthought, not expecting a reaction but getting a nervous laugh from the other blonde who afterwards seals her lips and looks toward the ceiling as if she’s about to break down.

Emily notices but doesn’t mention it with everyone else in the room, her eyes peering at Aria with a questionative “What about you?” 

“What about me?” Aria narrows her eyes, only being given a firm look by the other brunette. “Em, you know I’ll always have your back,” she turns to Alison, “and yours, too.”

“Em,” Hanna’s voice is quiet, floating in the mentioned girl’s direction, “can I talk to you for a minute? Just… us.” 

With a curious nod, Emily looks at Alison with a silent wonder that asks if she’ll be okay, getting a curt smile from the girl who stays with Aria as she wanders into the hallway outside of her apartment with Hanna. The door separates both pairs of girls, not leaving any openness to hear one another as Hanna begins to, in a way, pace the hallway with crossed arms and a body language that appears conflicted. Emily starts to grow worried, head tilting to the side with her eyes narrowed, whispering, “Is something wrong?” 

“What are you doing?” Hanna turns to her, suddenly irritated with evident stress written across her face as she refuses to stare into Emily’s taken-aback eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“With Alison,” she whisper-hisses. “What’s… I don’t know. What’s going on between you two? When did this start? Just…  _ what _ ?” 

Emily’s mouth opens and closes, “It’s complicated.”

“Is this another fling? Are you seriously sleeping with our boss just for━”

“Can you stop?” the brunette snaps, afterwards taking a breath as her friend does the same. “What’s the matter with you? You seemed fine literally two minutes ago.”

Hanna doesn’t answer, rubbing her lips together and looking like she’s debating on something.

“I want to tell you guys everything, okay? Just… not right now. Not with her in there,” Emily speaks in hushed tones, trying to calm both of them. “I’m still not sure what this is, but… I’m happy. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you on my own terms, I am, but I couldn’t. Not yet.”

The blonde nods in understanding, ultimately shifting her jaw and looking at Emily with raised eyebrows, “Tomorrow.”

“Okay,” she feels nervous, but it’s a fair deal considering that she wants to get back into the apartment with Alison and talk things out because there’s a ninety-nine percent chance that the girl is internally freaking out about this ━ rightfully so.

The stairwell’s door opens and suddenly the delivery boy is walking through, being turned to by Hanna and Emily who’ve sucked the life out of the hallway. He awkwardly walks over to them with wandering, curious eyes, Emily approaching to meet him halfway and placing the money in his palm with a casual “It’s all set, thank you.”

She takes the bag out of his hand, Hanna snickering nearby with a teasing “Chinese food really is your go-to, isn’t it?”

As the kid quickly flings the door open and leaves the hallway, Emily rolls her eyes while turning back to Hanna with a deadpanned “Ali wanted it.”

“Oh, so we use nicknames out of work?” she purses her lips, partly nodding. “We’re on  _ that  _ level.”

The bag shifts against Emily’s arm, her head ducking in a mild shyness as Hanna says, “Come on. You wouldn’t want to hold  _ Ali’s  _ food hostage,” as she moves closer to the door.

She’s stopped in her tracks, however, when Emily pushes out a cautious “Wait” before they’re facing one another again, her lips sealing as she deliberates when it comes to what to say next.

“I want you to know…” a deep, silent exhale disrupts what she’s about to confess, “this isn’t something that just happened. Ali and I…” she pauses. “It’s been going on for a little while now. Not us being…  _ physical _ , but…”

Hanna slowly nods, being careful of what she’s about to force upon Emily because she believes her friend needs to hear it since this is seemingly serious and meaningful; considering the girl’s past with relationships, it’s imperative that she knows what she’s dealing with.

“You better be serious about this, Em,” it sounds desperate, coming through a sad smile. “This isn’t something to take lightly. You can’t just use her. At the end of the day, she’s your boss, and, even if  _ you  _ don’t care about whether or not you two get caught,  _ she’s  _ the one who’s going to end up getting screwed the most, in the end. Whether it’s emotional or otherwise.” 

Emily swallows hard, Hanna seeing this and taking it as a green light to continue, “Don’t fuck this up. If you care about her, great, but otherwise… be careful.”

Something is hidden behind the blonde’s words and Emily can tell, her eyes narrowing an amount that’s unseen by Hanna who’s barely looking at her, anyway; the girl sounds way too protective of Alison ━ someone whom she’s hardly had any personal conversations with ━ and her words shake as if she knows what she’s talking about way too deeply. Nevertheless, Emily respects whatever wisdom Hanna is bound to lay on her and what she has thus far, nodding with a soft “I do care about her” and nothing more.

“I can tell,” Hanna cracks a smile, Emily squinting in question. “You hardly ever let people borrow your clothes.”

The brunette laughs, shaking her head and walking back to her apartment door as Hanna defends, “Hey, even I can admit she looks good in them.”

She turns the doorknob and pushes it open, Aria and Alison quietly talking while standing on opposite sides of the kitchen counter. They both perk up and turn to the girls who re-enter the apartment, Emily walking over to where Alison stands and putting the bag of food next to her. Their eyes briefly lock, Emily checking, “Are you okay?” and getting a sincere (to an extent) “Yeah, I’m fine” while the others linger nearby.

Before Emily can get lost in blue eyes while her friends are watching them like hawks, she clears her throat and turns to them, “Why’d you come here, anyway?”

They share a short look, both making different, thinking faces. 

“Well, you left the banquet super suspiciously last night and we had no idea why,” Aria shrugs.

“But now we do,” Hanna eyes Alison, “and, come to think of it, you left early too so why the hell didn’t we put two and two together?” she finishes the miniature rant by looking at Aria who purses her lips with an expression that very obviously says she has no idea.

“Okay,  _ but _ ,” Aria narrows her eyes at Hanna, “you left early, too. Now that we know where  _ they  _ went, where’d you run off to?”

She shrugs, “I had somewhere to be.”

“Like where?”

“Somewhere less formal and more Friday-esque,” Hanna explains. “Besides, didn’t you have other things that you wanted to do?”

“No, I specifically went because you  _ asked  _ me to,” Aria throws back. “Either way, this isn’t about me━”

“Guys,” Emily interrupts by raising her voice a level, being turned to. “I don’t want to be, um,  _ rude _ , but…”

“Oh, right,” Hanna straightens her back, looking at Aria. “She wants us to leave so she can be alone with  _ Ali _ .”

The other blonde quirks an eyebrow at the tone, tilting her head while looking at Emily whose face falls flat with a glare being sent in Hanna’s direction, the girl defending herself with an airy “I know when I’m unwanted.”

“Are you sure?” the brunette next to Alison mumbles, Aria chuckling when Hanna frowns.

“I came here to make sure you’re not  _ dead _ , yet you’re still jabbing at me?” her voice sounds incredulous.

“Actually, I was the one who suggested it,” Aria intervenes, the two still shuffling toward the door as Emily follows. 

“And notice the situation you got us all into,” Hanna throws back to the shorter girl. “Alison won’t even look at us.” 

“That’s because you pointed out their hickies,” she whisper-hisses, Alison sealing her lips with her cheeks warming up as she’s resting her backside against the kitchen countertop.

Emily continues to walk them to the door, opening it for the pair and emphatically waving her arm so they’ll leave.

“Text us later,” Hanna points a finger in her face. “I don’t want to have to come back here and walk in on God only knows━”

She shuts the door and latches it shut, hearing a muffled “Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be” come from the blonde until Aria is seemingly pulling her down the hallway with so much as an amused yet tired “Let’s go.”

Her hand comes up as her fingers rub her eyelid, not facing Alison for the time being because she’s scared to see regret swirling within blue eyes ━ not to say she’s seen it during the brief conversations they had while the others were in the kitchen with them. It’s not an encounter to take with a grain of salt, however, and she realizes that they both have a massive amount of questions to answer ━ even if Hanna and Aria hadn’t so-randomly showed up. She takes a breath and bows her head, drumming up some confidence so she can turn around and study Alison’s posture.

“They won’t say anything, you know,” is the first thing she manages to say, her words coming out before she’s entirely facing Alison who’s still leaning against the kitchen counter.

When the girl doesn’t even acknowledge what she’s said, her feet take her across the floor until she’s standing in a way that mimics the blonde’s position, five feet or so separating their bodies with a quietness filling the apartment aside from the periodic, honking horns given from cars along the street. She has so much she wants to say even though little has the strength to come out, Alison feeling the same way when her eyes sometimes dart to Emily before scurrying away because she’s not sure how she should react to anything right now.

Last night was incredible and so was this morning. She knew what she wanted ━ heck, she still does ━ but this brings reality to a whole new level and it’s terrifying. Part of her wants to run away even though she knows she shouldn’t and probably wouldn’t be able to because the girl in front of her is one of the most captivating people she’s met, so she’s left with a conflicting taste in her mouth. Roughly, she refuses to let this ruin what they’ve had going because it’s been so relieving and fresh, not to mention the fact that she knows the brunette feels the same way. 

Emily, likewise, stands quietly because she doesn’t know what to feel since the various emotions in her stomach are all starting to blend in order to create some toxic, overwhelming sensation that isn’t all that appealing, but it’s more so on the blonde’s behalf because, well, Hanna’s right: Alison has more to lose, at this point.

“What are you thinking?” Emily whispers when her heart begins to sink due to an overload of silence, wanting to slide onto the floor and get lost in her own head because it seems like Alison is already doing the same where she stands.

“I don’t know,” it’s brutally honest but doesn’t sound upset ━ though perhaps it’s even worse since it sounds hollow.

“Is that bad?” she doesn’t want to ask but feels the need to, wanting to lay her cards on the table in hopes that Alison will do the same.

The blonde takes a breath, not knowing how to respond because, no, it’s not necessarily bad but extremely confusing and frustrating. This morning, she knew what she was thinking and that was anything and everything about their impending relationship. Now? Everything is mush, and, thinking back to the brunette’s response to her friends, she finds herself wanting to know where they stand even though they’ve both clarified that last night wasn’t a one-night stand; there are so many options, but she’s still not sure which way Emily expects them to go. Before  _ anything _ , that has to change.

“What are we?”

It catches Emily off-guard, the brunette being visibly stunned by the question as Alison watches her reaction. Her lips rub together before she goes to answer, wishing she had the courage to be out-right but, realistically, that’s never been her, leading to the tiptoed answer, “What do you want us to be?”

A good portion of Alison knew that it wouldn’t be a straight answer and it’s given a tiny, half-smile that collapses as fast as it showed up. She breathes out emphatically as Emily waits, hoping that the response is good while not being evidentially too wishful because she doesn’t want Alison to think she’s forcing her to stay.

“Do you really trust them?” the conversation changes, Alison now sounding worried but as if she believes in Emily’s judgment.

“With my life,” it’s completely honest and raw, coming through a small chuckle that says she’s way more thankful than she’s admitted aloud until now. “They’ve had my back through everything. Even some times when I feel they shouldn’t have.”

Alison nods with her arms still crossed over her chest, looser than before as her fingers twitch occasionally because she wants to reach out and brush Emily’s cheek to kiss her again, the girl looking so nervous that she’s going to hear some form of harshness or blame. The blonde bites her inner cheek in thought, getting ready to comfort her in some way, shape, or form with a kind and knowing voice, but Emily beats her to it.

“Ali, I don’t want this to scare you off,” she pauses when she can’t look into fragile eyes, taking the time to force herself into doing so before continuing, “but, if it’s going to, I won’t hold it against you.” 

A smile hides behind Alison’s eyes, paying full attention as she hears, “I want you to feel comfortable with whatever you decide.”

Alison initially hesitates and tries to keep her eyes away from Emily because the sentiment, alone, nearly drew tears and she doesn’t want the brunette to think she has the intent of walking out of the apartment for good. Emily, meanwhile, waits for some sort of sign that Alison’s understood what she said, her words a result of Toby’s former lecture floating around within her mind because she finally gets what he told her and she’s successfully followed through on it; she knows Alison deserves to feel confident in whatever choice she makes, and the blonde needs to know that she’ll accept it even if it’s not what she hopes for. 

Emily watches Alison lift her chin so they’re making complete eye contact, the girl’s head tilted to the side ever-so-slightly before gently pushing herself away from the counter and approaching at a deliberate, cautious rate. The brunette’s breath hitches as the distance between them slims down, Alison coming to a standstill when they’re only inches away, a smile forming across her mouth with the remnants of nerves and anxieties taking over her overall demeanor. Emily tries to read her features, constantly wanting to know what she’s thinking about, but her internal questions are shot down when Alison leans forward and connects their lips in a sweet, timid kiss. It’s short but lingers for a while longer, a tingling sensation brushing across their mouths once they depart and are able to focus on each other through a close proximity.

“I want this,” Alison whispers, her words unwavering and comforting as Emily begins to smile. “I want to be with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wellp. I'm sure no one expected that encounter to happen ━ not this soon, at least.
> 
> That's a huge slap in the face after everything was going so smooth 'n fluffy. It didn't go horribly, though, I'd say. Wouldn't you? I mean, Hanna was acting odd for most of the conversation, starting with completely accepting the situation with an understanding form of "You don't have to tell us," before pulling Emily aside and being like #wyd. Then, she seems to be protecting Alison's wellbeing more than Emily's which, if you think about it, is weird because she's supposed to be Emily's best friend. It's something to think about. What's going on in your head, Hanna Marin? Either way, although this didn't go to plan, I tend to smile at Aria and Hanna's caring nature when it comes to Emily; they literally visit her apartment, out of the blue, because they're worried. Maybe that's too small of a thing to warm my heart, but it does.
> 
> What about our favs? Well, we still have Emily who's progressing in her own way with evidence such as remembering Toby's advice about allowing Alison to make her own decisions/calls regarding her happiness; in this chapter, she tells Alison that she wants her to be comfortable with whatever she decides. Emily's going to continue to learn that until the notion is stuck in her head because she understands how important it is, but it's hard to change such a sticky persona overnight. On the other hand, judging by the way she explains to Alison that her friends have had her back throughout everything, including instances where she believes they shouldn't have… Emily's demons are certainly still prominent, and they'll come out soon.
> 
> Pushing aside everything shaky and conflicting, particularly on Alison's end, they've decided to let themselves fall for one another. It's pretty damn difficult because they both have their own woes when it comes to their past and/or personalities (not to mention that whole, "work" thing), but they realize that there's no escaping it, really. Like Toby said, this could be their ultimate, life's happiness in the form of a soul mate ━ if you believe in those ━ and they're willing to take a leap ━ even after this abrupt, #oopsies visit from Aria and Hanna. Right now, reality is starting to sink in, but these past chapters together have been like a breath of fresh air ━ for Emily, Alison, and us readers.
> 
> Again (slight spoiler alert), we're going to have to hit a bump despite the current happiness, but it's not just because I'm an asshole. These two changed a whole lot for each other, but they're going to have to change a lot for themselves, and, to do that, they're going to backpedal a little bit. Also, like I said in previous author's notes, there are going to be some perks that come with the upcoming downfall, so it's not all doom 'n gloom. I'm not trying to ruin your hope or happiness when it comes to their relationship; I'm just trying to appease my taste for realistic, human actions/growth. If you've read my other fics and enjoyed them, you obviously have nothing to worry about.
> 
> For now, it's time for me to continue revising these chapters, and I hope to see you back for the next installment of the story.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad you dared to come back for these upcoming updates.
> 
> I'll probably be hit with this question sooner or later (actually, I technically already have been), so we'll just address the elephant in the room now: Indeed, I heard about the Alison/Mona spin-off, and I'm interested in seeing how they make it different yet clearly PLL-oriented. At least I'll have more Alison and Mona GIFs to reblog on Tumblr ━ and yes that's a big plus. 
> 
> Alright, so we might as well get to it and dive right into the higher elevation of drama. Sounds great (I say sarcastically), I know, but we need some new, harsh developments.
> 
> Leggo, people.

“You’ve been productive, these past few days,” Hanna comments with a tight smirk once Emily’s chair is rolled so they’re face to face with the short piece of barrier dividing them.

The brunette can only see her eyes and above but she can tell the girl is wearing an expression that’s both teasing and prying, attempting to lure out a vague yet juicy, work-appropriate piece of gossip to munch on.

“Have I?” she only makes a pursed-lipped face, humming. “I didn’t notice.”

“You’re such a━”

“Do you two ever work?” Alison interrupts their conversation, Emily sealing her lips and sinking an inch deeper into her chair with cheeks that warm up because the girl’s gaze is severe even though they’re both trying to act subtle.

“Wait, are we supposed to?” the other blonde jokes, chuckling at herself as Emily rolls her eyes nearby.

“I mean, if you want to get paid,” the response is mocking and winning, Hanna muttering, “Yes ma’am,” under her breath as Emily looks toward Alison for a second too long, instantly regretting it because, once their eyes lock, there’s no turning back.

Ever since they began dating ━ and, yes, Sunday came with an officialization in regards to their relationship ━ it’s been far more difficult to keep her eyes (and imagination) to herself, primarily because the tension between them has been thick following the banquet on Friday ━ no matter how many times they’ve “diffused” it with warm lips and sparkling eyes.

After Hanna and Aria left on Saturday, Emily and Alison had spent the rest of the day clung to one another through fascination and intent on getting to a “significant other” level, aiming for sharing more than skin-on-skin instances. They exchanged stories and small tidbits, held silly banter, and reveled in the endless hours with each other. It eased Alison’s worries (and Emily’s, if she’s being honest) immensely, the brunette reassuring her time and time again that she’ll keep her safe ━ not to say she’d be able to defend the blonde if something were to happen at work. Nonetheless, things went well for the rest of the day, leading up to the nightly hours.

_ “I think you should…” Emily’s words start off through a sing-song tone, lingering on the final syllable before flashing the other girl a big (and convincing), cheesy smile, “sleep over again.” _

_ “Oh, you do? Hm,” she squints one eye, pretending to think heavily. _

_ “Please,” her demeanor softens, voice sweet. _

_ “Are you sure you won't get sick of me so soon?” _

_ “Never.” _

_ Alison continues to extend her moment of debate by tilting her head back and forth, humming slightly as Emily finds it both obnoxious yet entertaining and cute. She waits for an answer, the blonde opening her mouth once before closing it, doing the same twice more before the brunette bows her head and exaggeratedly groans.  _

_ “Fine,” the blonde lightly says through an exhale, “but I can't stay tomorrow night. We have work on Monday.” _

_ Emily pouts, wanting to protest and fight back with claims that it’ll be perfectly okay and they’ll be able to manage a before-work night and morning together, but her lips ultimately only stay with a sad reaction.  _

_ “I have to limit you somehow,” Alison sees the face and raises her eyebrows, tone pointed. _

_ “Wouldn't you enjoy waking up to my face on a workday morning?” although she knows it’s a silly question (and that’s confirmed when she gets a giggle), she feels the need to convince Alison into staying for a while longer because she’s enjoying their time together way too much. _

_ “As opposed to seeing you not even two hours later at work?” it comes matched with a teasing grin, Emily’s mouth dropping open in mild hurt until a curt, taken-aback sound exits her throat when she looks away. _

_ “I think you're the one who's going to get sick of me,” the brunette mumbles, glancing down at her fingers as Alison shifts on the cushion next to her.  _

_ “You know I was kidding,” the blonde slides an inch or so closer, Emily licking her lips and keeping her body language dramatically guarded.  _

_ “I’m not sure. You seem pretty… bored,” an emphatic sigh pauses her sentence, “and to think it’s only been… what? A day?” _

_ Alison laughs hard, merely pouncing on the girl before the final word was out of her mouth, ending with small jabs being given to Emily’s sides as she giggles hard until her lips are sealed by━  _

Hanna clears her throat heavily, purposely breaking up the girls’ heat-laced, silent conversation because they’ve been staring at one another for nearly a minute and it’s almost tangible. Alison shakes her head and Emily’s lips part awkwardly as her eyes dart away, Hanna wanting to snort at the two because this whole ordeal has become one of the highlights of each workday. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, either, but Aria was the one to separate the couple during that moment, and her disruption came in the form of dropping a stapler on the ground. Even out of work, Emily’s been quite distracted when it comes to boxing sessions with Toby, her friend calling her out repeatedly with teasing remarks ━ not to say she doesn’t dish out some of her own in regards to his budding relationship with Spencer.

Alison gathers herself and breathes out for a heavy second or two, turning to Hanna and nodding with a mouthed “Thanks” as the other blonde flashes her a tight-lipped smile. As Emily lifts her chin to look at Alison again, the girl’s name is called by an annoyingly nasal, fuck-ish voice, similar to a catcall you’d hear on a busy, city street after both the local high school and nearby gym exited their busiest hours. 

Emily shifts her jaw as Alison walks away without another word, focus extremely narrowed in a scathing way because Ben has been on the blonde’s ass for what feels like the majority of this Wednesday. She glares in his direction, watching her girlfriend lean on her coworker’s workspace barrier with a polite sparkle in her eye, but she wishes the girl would act at least relatively annoyed because, hell, she  _ has  _ to realize that his need for attention stems from something far beyond anything professional; Alison isn’t stupid, so why doesn’t she tell this guy to take a hike? 

Because it’s “work,” of course. Emily rolls her eyes.

“That’s seriously like… the fourth time he called her over today,” her overall energy is angry, Hanna picking up on it from where she sits. “What the hell does he need her for so often? He’s in the graphic design department. I’m pretty sure that’s  _ not  _ Alison’s specialty.” 

Her friend snickers at the aggressiveness, noting that Emily’s fully staring in Ben’s direction with a piercing look on her face, but, as soon as the sound is heard by the brunette, a newer glare is sent her way. Hanna rubs her lips together with a sheepish, half-grin, giving her a quiet “Sorry” and going back to working on something she’s been writing for most of the day.

Emily watches Hanna’s attention zone back in on whatever she’s writing, eyes lingering on her friend as she bites her inner cheek. She flashes back to her conversation with Hanna and Aria in light of her relationship with Alison, breathing out at the fact that they finally know and it’s relieving because it’s one less thing to worry about ━ plus she has two people who have her back when it comes to this clusterfuck of a situation.

_ “How is she?” _

_ “She’s… fine. Good, I think,” Emily corrects her initial answer, the feeling of walking on eggshells being prominent in the way she talks to her friends because she’s still not sure if they’re upset with her or not. _

_ “She’s not pissed that we know, is she?” Hanna wonders aloud, nervous and guilty for unknown (yet perhaps obvious) reasons. _

_ The brunette switches her position on the living room couch, untucking her hands from underneath her thighs and putting them in her lap. Her friends sit nearby, both staring at her as Sunday’s evening sky begins to darken. _

_ “Well, it’s not like any of us could’ve controlled how you found out,” Emily bites her lower lip once the words are out of her mouth.  _

_ “But she’s pissed?” the blonde raises her eyebrows, coaxing the girl. _

_ “No, just a little nervous for a good reason,” she thinks back to what Alison had told her about her ex-husband and the shitty situation that took place before she moved here, deciding to explain to her friends further. “It’s not my place to talk about it, though. It’s not you. It’s her past.” _

_ The simple reasoning gets a quirked eyebrow from Aria and a diluted yet stunned face from Hanna, realization hitting her as Emily appears skeptical due to their reactions to what she’s said. _

_ “Wow,” Hanna offers in an impressed state, “this really has been going on for a while. You know deep things about her. That’s impressive.” _

_ Emily laughs at first, the sound turning a shade nervous as it goes on before it’s completely dead in her throat and her eyes are staring at the space in the middle of their group. She swallows hard, wanting to be genuine with them because that’s what they’ve always based their friendship on: sincerity and understanding, first and foremost.  _

_ “I have to be honest with both of you…” she treads carefully. “You’re not the first ones to know.” _

_ “What do you mean?” Aria frowns, slightly moving forward with her arms crossed while leaning on her knees. _

_ The other brunette licks her lips in thought, biting her inner cheek, “Toby pried it out of me almost a week after I first met Alison, and then… I needed advice…” her voice repeatedly fades out, “from Mona.” _

_ Her friends somewhat come off as dumbfounded, Hanna to the point of her eyes trailing off to the side of the room with her lips sealed tightly.  _

_ “I couldn’t tell you, I’m sorry,” Emily whispers without daring to look at either of them. “It’s not because I don’t trust you, but…” _

_ “It’s tricky, I get it,” not wanting to speak on Aria’s behalf, the blonde keeps it on a strict, personal basis with a kind, sympathetic smile.  _

_ “I only went to Mona because I needed advice from her angle. You know how she’s kinda… high up on the food chain at work,” the final bit of her excuse is muttered, rolling her eyes partly because of her former (and sometimes still-standing) vulnerability. _

_ “I’m more shocked that she didn’t spill anything,” suddenly, Hanna turns to Aria who raises her eyebrows. “We had dinner with her, just last night,” she sounds more so confused than anything, Emily frowning heavily. _

_ “I’m not surprised,” Aria lightly throws back, shrugging her shoulders and getting a look from Hanna. “What? You’ve never gone to her with a secret? She surprisingly resembles a vault,” she squints an eye with one corner of her mouth tugging into a weird smile. “I’m sure she’s heard more secrets than she knows what to do with.” _

_ “Wait, you guys all went to dinner without me?” Emily finally butts in, voice dripping with offense.  _

_ “I’m sorry,” Hanna isn’t apologetic at all. “We figured you had more important business to attend to, Mrs. Bitemark,” her arched eyebrow comes with a smug attitude, faltering when she decides to explain, “Ali being the other Mrs., obviously.” _

_ “Yeah, I got that,” she takes a breath with rolled eyes, a sense of skepticism hitting her afterwards. “You’re not mad that I didn’t come to you with this?” _

_ Aria and Hanna share a look that doesn’t give much away, the blonde opting to be rawly open, “I understand why you didn’t come to us, but that doesn’t mean I’m not hurt by it. I can’t speak for…” she nods to the shorter brunette who silently agrees with her, “her, but… I thought we knew each other better than that.” _

_ “We do,” Emily tries with a desperate nature. “Honestly, I didn’t think it was going to turn into anything until we ended up…” her voice trails off, hinting at their activities but recovering quickly following the statement. “Before that, Ali kept saying she couldn’t, and… I don’t know. It was complicated for a while and I was an ass about it.” _

_ “So, you were being cold to her at work while also being an ass outside of the office?” Aria questions, body language reserved.  _

_ “Yeah,” the admission is evidently regretful, “and, when Hanna almost pushed me to apologize… that’s why I kinda snapped. I knew I should’ve apologized for more than one reason, but you know I can’t do that easily. That’s not me.” _

_ “What about now, though?” the other brunette pries. “Is everything okay between you and Alison?” _

_ “Well, clearly,” Hanna’s interruption is blunt, earning a deadpanned side-eye from Aria. _

_ “I ended up saying I’m sorry and we went from there,” Emily bites her lower lip. “I think she really wants this.” _

_ Hanna slowly nods, Aria doing the same but in a way that says she’s impressed with the honesty that’s come from Emily throughout this conversation. Emily notices Hanna’s caution, locking eyes with the girl and simply waiting for whatever she’s about to say or ask because it looks like something’s on the tip of her tongue, and━  _

_ “I know I already, kinda asked, but do you really want this?” there it is, Emily raises her eyebrows and looks down.  _

_ “Yeah,” she smiles without taking too much time, the expression gradually growing. “I feel… new. It’s weird,” her demeanor is soft and dreamy, speaking mindlessly with a dopey grin on her face. “I can’t help but want to know more about her mind and past rather than only physically being with her in bed. She’s interesting.” _

_ “Told you,” Hanna leans back where she’s sitting, feeling satisfied. “I knew I was onto something.” _

Alison’s laugh breaks Emily out of her memories, brown eyes zoning in on her girlfriend  _ still  _ standing around Ben’s workspace as he’s leaned back in his chair with a gross, huge smile on his face accompanied by an obviously flirtatious leer. Her jaw clenches at the sight, noting how he isn’t working whatsoever, yet Alison remains giving him attention like he’s some whiny baby that wouldn’t stop crying unless she did. 

Why is  _ he  _ allowed to do that? How is that fair? Just minutes ago, Hanna interrupted a simple, fluffy stare-down as if they were going to fuck on the spot and Alison thanked her. Why can’t she waste her workday whilst talking to Alison? She could hold a mindless, giggly conversation like they are ━ except for the fact that she feels like she’s walking on thin ice whenever Alison is around because the blonde’s guilt complex is pretty damn strong. Emily supposes she should be thankful, however, since that roughly means Alison feels so intensely for her that she’s uptight about how they appear to the public eye. Still, it’s shitty and, if she’d dare to say it, the fact that Ben can be outright flirty with Alison whereas Emily can hardly speak to her without feeling like she’d be scolded by someone… frankly, it gives her a taste of double standards, and it’s━ 

Again, the blonde giggles, this time quietly and replies to whatever-the-hell Ben said with a cute “Yeah, I know,” getting a subtle groan from Emily who attracts Hanna’s attention as eyes peer over the barrier dividing their office spaces.

“What could they possibly be talking about for  _ that  _ long?” actually, she has no idea how much time has passed by but she’s pretty sure it’s been far more than necessary for a “business” encounter, repeatedly glancing in the direction of their conversation even though she tells herself not to.

“Just work and ignore them,” Hanna makes it sound so simple, and the instruction pisses Emily off more.

“You’re one to talk,” she mumbles under her breath, the blonde stopping her motions to pause in the middle of writing a word.

“Don’t be like that, Em,” her tone proves that she’s trying to keep them both calm. “You knew this would be difficult.” 

“I don’t remember signing up to watch her not say shit when people are obviously flirting with her,” Emily argues, eyes widening.

“She probably doesn’t want to cause a scene.”

“Yeah, well,” the brunette huffs, followed by a dark chuckle, “someone would likely lecture me if I was drooling that much during a conversation with her.”

“Emily…” Hanna’s voice proves correct, softly scolding her friend as a tinge of sympathy comes paired with her words. 

“Unless you know how this feels, please just…” Emily snaps quickly but recovers, energy lessening as she falls quiet, “leave me alone.” 

Hanna shrinks into her chair, looking like she’s visibly struggling with something but choosing to remain silent without a response; she’s clearly making things worse and her own thoughts are going a mile per minute, so perhaps it’s best if she only focuses on her work. 

Emily, in the meantime, feels her fingers tightening around the pen she’s holding, eventually dropping it onto her desk and shoving herself away from her writing area once she hears Alison say something else with a tone that’s so sweet, it’s sickening. If she’s being honest, she has no idea if her ears are merely twisting Alison’s words into that of flirting instead of basic kindness, but her mind is trying to play tricks on her and there’s no way she’s going to calm down if she sticks around to listen. So, as her legs straighten out and she slides out of her office space with a grunt matched by a mindset that tells her to escape the room in order to hide, she’s watched by both Hanna and Aria who wear hardly different facial expressions full of questioning and concern. They share a look over the fabric-covered, grey walls, afterwards going back to what they’ve been doing while Alison’s eyes dart away from Ben to peer up and wonder about Emily’s exit, as well.

She furrows her eyebrows at her girlfriend’s determination to leave the open floor and wander into the bathroom, wanting to follow and ask if something’s wrong but knowing that, if Emily  _ does  _ has a strong reason to be hiding, they won’t be able to fully discuss anything right now. Her fallen features get a borderline-concerned “Ms. DiLaurentis?” from Ben, snapping back into the conversation and granting him a tight-lipped, barely attentive smile that’s disrupted when she says, “I’ll leave you to work.”

“Well, hey, I’ve got some time to kill right now,” he uses his best, “convincing” tone, hoping to get his boss to stick around for a while longer.

She partly rolls her eyes with irritation while she’s facing away from him, turning with a subtle laugh to respond, “I don’t,” and continuing on her way back to the glass office in which she’ll  _ hopefully  _ get some work done. Her feet take her into the bright room while worries nip at her ankles because Emily’s demeanor from moments ago seemed the least bit friendly and it’s concerning, but wouldn’t Hanna and/or Aria give her a heads-up if something was wrong? Alison presses her tongue to her inner cheek, the thought of Emily being upset bothering her far more than it should considering it’s not confirmed that the girl’s former, good mood has collapsed.

Instead of getting situated behind her desk, Alison takes the initiative to wander over to the glass windows in front of her office’s couch, staring down at the street below and simply taking everything in. She’s done it time and time again within the confines of this room, but it tastes ten multiples sweeter when she’s feeling alright. Lately, or for the past few days, her mood has been stable ━ happy, in fact ━ and a smile has underlied her features for hours straight. Nerves are still existing and she senses them waiting to spike up through her throat, but at least she knows she isn’t alone; Emily is sticking by her side and Alison is…  _ comfortable _ . It’s scary, the situation they’re in, but doable and also satisfying in it’s own, new━ 

A hollow-sounding knock graces the see-through, open door to her office, Alison slowly turning around with an expressionless attitude until she’s face to face with Mr. Russo and suddenly having to put on a respectable smile. He mirrors it, giving her a firm head nod while closing them into the room together and approaching with an absentminded yet polite “Good afternoon.”

“Same to you,” she returns the sentiment with a similar, casual nature.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” the company’s vice president rubs his stubbled chin while walking over to where she stands, peering through the windows as if he’s talking to her reflection instead of directly.

She waits, not wanting to break his apparent concentration; his body language is discerning and her limbs want to snap off with nerves, but at least she’s aware that this happens each time she’s faced with a “talk” from an advisor of any kind. He clears his throat, muttering, “I always forget how nice the view is from this office,” before turning back to her with a childish grin that makes her anxieties lessen ━ until he speaks again.

“I overheard this morning… a few employees talking,” he scratches his nose and pauses for a moment, “about a relationship happening between a couple members of your floor’s team.”

Her heart sinks, mouth opening while her eyes dart away from Mr. Russo, and her fingers tangle in front of her, turning red when she squeezes tightly. They threaten to fade to white as she continues, feeling like a century passes and his voice turns into an echo while the conversation grows heavy and air becomes denser with a heat that’s menacing. She’s going to collapse and she knows it, but hearing her professional name brings her back to the small conference at-hand, her eyes snapping to Mr. Russo’s with a dumbfounded expression cascaded over her worried features. In the moment, Alison hopes she doesn’t look as stupid as she feels, sensing desperation and that formerly prodding anxiety climb up her throat while her body aches as if she was drained of all energy.

“Sorry, what?” Alison tries to keep up, hardly hearing herself speak.

“I said that it’s going to become a problem if it begins to distract a good portion of the workers in this building.”

Suddenly, she feels as though she should come clean and hope her honesty saves her ass, wanting to bite the bullet immediately because she was an idiot to think she could escape this fate. Alison inhales sharply.

“Mr. Russo, I swear I━”

“This isn’t your fault, so don’t look so worried,” he tries to provide a shade of comfort that stuns Alison, her posture visibly taken aback. “I’m only telling you for two reasons.”

“What are they?” her voice is tiny, mimicking that of a small child who’s being scolded for an unknown, unintentional point.

“One, I want you to keep an eye on Ms. Marin and Mr. Rivers,” his list is deliberate with his eyebrows raised, instructing her to pay attention with the gesture alone.

“Wait, what?” Alison blinks so hard that she has to refocus afterwards, wondering if she heard him correctly because, well, that can’t be right; Hanna and Caleb have probably come face to face twice in the time she’s worked here.

“Their relationship,” Mr. Russo explains. “I want you to keep an eye on their interactions and make sure they’re strictly professional here. You know, normal, coworker talks. Just to keep the distractions to a minimum. Pay attention and hope everything goes smoothly for whatever relationship they’re capitalizing on. Otherwise, I’ll sadly have to bring H.R. into the equation when I don’t necessarily want to. For now, just look out.” 

“Okay…”

“Also, I want your input on this, in time, no matter what,” he continues, nodding partly with crossed arms as Alison constantly appears like a deer caught in headlights. “You know the rules and their limitations, and I’ll need to hear how things are going. I’ll give you a week or so, but I want to know what action you think we should take, if any. I’m curious to know how you’d handle this, on your own.”

“You haven’t given me the go-ahead to discuss terminating and-or assigning employment with H.R. yet,” is her only answer, not even relatively comprehending what she’s saying anymore.

“Which is why I’d eventually like to hear your opinion,” his smile is genuine and wise, Alison shifting her jaw partially and looking away without coming off as rude. “I’m eager to see what kind of ship you’ll run around here and how you’ll deal with conflicting situations. I have faith in you.”

“Thank you,” it struggles to come out, offering him the world’s shortest smile, but it doesn’t really matter because he turns around and walks away before she can react any further.

She watches him leave, her mind going a mile per minute while wanting to pass out on the couch next to her. Staring at the back of his head until he’s disappearing behind a solid wall to the right, Alison glances at Emily’s cubicle and her body stiffens in a way that’s the least bit thrilling, her blood running cold because all she has the energy to do is cry and whine about the decisions she’s made, as of late. What was she thinking? How could Alison possibly hold onto the idea of them having a sturdy relationship behind closed doors? Even if she has Emily by her side, Alison still feels completely alone in this. Every, horrible emotion that she’s ever dealt with following the Elliott fiasco seeps from her skin, nibbling at her fingertips as they tingle with a numbness that she hasn’t felt in a while. 

While Mr. Russo didn’t seem so pissed about Hanna’s supposed relationship with Caleb, it doesn’t mean  _ she’s  _ in the clear; those two are solely coworkers with a relatively similar title, but Alison’s occupation is technically more profound than Emily’s and it could create a lot more “distraction.” To be frank, Alison doubts their vice president would be so passive if he was faced with the information about the blonde’s newly formed relationship with Emily, and that’s the scariest thing. She’s finally here, having her dream-job fully in her grasp, and she’s already fucking it up after only a week or so. 

But Emily’s worth it, Alison reminds herself with a clenched jaw and tear-filled eyes.

She’s worth it, yeah, but things shouldn’t be this difficult.

Both thoughts wrestle in her mind, a tear actually falling as she spins around so her back is facing the rest of the open floor, quickly slapping it away and taking a deep breath with her arms slumped to relieve the impending tension in her shoulders. She closes her eyes as she stands there, doing the breathing exercises she had taught herself a while ago in hopes that she’ll be able to stop crying and perhaps focus (at least a little) for the rest of the day. No matter what, however, she’ll have to confess to Emily what just happened and what’s on her mind, even if the brunette won’t be all that fond of her doubts and woes. Alison frowns at the thought, more tears threatening to spill over as she all but drags herself to her desk chair and throws herself into the piece of furniture with a grunt.

Looking up, she sees Emily hunched over part of her own desk whilst standing, brown eyes briefly peering upward to stare into blue but, before they can sense each other’s hurt, she swallows hard and turns away, leaving Alison to frown further and sink into her chair.

 

X X X

 

The room’s lights are dim and her TV is turned off, tired eyes boring into the blank screen with her feet crossed atop the couch. She appears to be empty, looking like someone on a commercial for a medication that’s been proven to “cure” depression. Her body is stiff and shoulders ache, not being a result of boxing with Toby because she refused to show up for their scheduled session and, instead, went straight home to do what she’s currently accomplishing: absolutely nothing. Her stomach growls out of hunger, not holding an appetite for anything in particular, and, honestly, her biggest objective for tonight is having a solid, lengthy sleep that clears her mind of the day’s events.

There’s an abrupt pounding on Emily’s apartment door, the brunette sluggishly pushing herself off the couch cushion with a slumped and annoyed appearance because all she wants to do is sulk in her irritation from her time at work. Her phone lies face-down on the coffee table, not having the desire to talk to anyone ━ even her girlfriend ━ for the time being because she knows she’s bound to fuck up with her words and say something to tick someone off. As it is, she’s already sensing stings of regret due to snapping at Hanna, wanting to apologize but also not having the ability to force her thumbs into typing out the message. Whatever, she thinks, her feet taking her to the door as another desperate knock is smacked against the wooden barrier.

“Coming,” her voice is dull and evidently bothered, unlocking the door as Alison steps into her apartment with no greeting, hug, or anything. 

The blonde seems frantic and Emily frowns, though she doesn’t say a word as Alison swiftly turns with her hands wringing in front of her torso, getting out a curt “Something tells me that Mr. Russo knows about us.”

Emily answers with an expressionless “What about us?” while wandering back over to where the couch is without sitting down, not in the mood to talk to Alison and, right now, her drive to keep silent for the night is proving to be her best option because she’s slipping into anger quite quickly, the blonde not realizing. 

“Our relationship,” the response is panicked, Emily ignoring it because the girl’s paranoia has acted up in previous cases and she’s not in the mood.

“I doubt he knows we’re  _ dating _ , but I’m sure he’s aware that I like you since it’s  _ clearly  _ obvious,” Emily bites with a passive aggressiveness, pursing her lips afterwards. “But, then again, what makes my  _ lustful  _ staring different from everyone else’s?”

“What?” Alison frowns with narrowed eyes, paying attention to the way Emily walks because her girlfriend’s pissed-off attitude is growing heavier and now it’s very noticeable ━ it’s also a bit concerning. 

“You have a fan club at work. Ben being the president of it,” the final part is mumbled, her eyes refusing to look in Alison’s direction.

“Wait, slow down,” now, Alison feels equally annoyed. “What are you talking about?”

The question gets a dark laugh from Emily who finally locks eyes with Alison, whispering a fed-up “Okay” before taking a breath with her tongue pressed to her cheek, thinking for a moment prior to explaining with thick jealousy and a posture that makes the blonde feel small. 

“I’m talking about how it’s alright for others to flat-out drool over and eye-fuck you in front of everyone else, yet I’m always walking on eggshells when we  _ just  _ exchange good morning’s because I don’t want to ruin anything for you.”

Alison’s eyes widen and Emily can see her own anger transferring to her girlfriend, the girl looking taken aback by her words and the scattered malice but not deterred from fighting back. The blonde narrows her eyes incredulously, not believing what she’s hearing after the day she’s had because it’s fucking selfish and irrational.

“I just spent most of my afternoon worrying my  _ ass  _ off, thinking our building’s V.P. knows that we’re together, yet all you’re concerned about is the fact that I didn’t make a scene when…” she struggles to find his name, face contorting for a short amount of time, “whatever-his-name-is ‘flirted’ with me?  _ That’s  _ what you care about?”

“Your nerves aren’t any more valid than mine are,” the words are cracked in the middle, Emily scratching to defend herself as Alison tilts her head to the side with judgment. 

“This is my  _ job _ , Emily,” she looks beside herself. “This is my livelihood and what helps me get through the damn day. Your ‘nerves’ are stemming from jealousy when you have nothing to be jealous about.” 

“I have every right and reason to be jealous!” Emily raises her voice, sick of feeling like she’s simply crazy and doesn’t have a good point to feel a certain emotion. “He gets to gawk and flirt with you whenever he pleases and you don’t do squat, but I look at you for too long and I feel like I’m going to be lectured for forgetting to blink.”

“I’m not dating  _ him _ !” Alison matches her girlfriend’s voice and leans forward while talking with her hands. “I’m not paying attention to what he does because I don’t care. I don’t expect much professionalism from him,” as soon as she says it, guilt courses through her veins and she sees hurt accompanied by dumbfounded questions flashing behind brown eyes.

“But you expect it from me?” Emily glares, tone low. “I’m the only one you need to make sure stays in line?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” it sounds regretful yet exhausted, Alison bowing her head and rubbing her eyes with the bottom of her palms before reassuming her former, solid posture so she can explain herself. “I just mean I know what kind of person you are and you’re not some fuckboy who can’t take no for an answer, okay?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have given you such high expectations, then.”

“That’s real mature of you.”

Emily ignores Alison who turns away to walk a few steps forward and put more distance between them. The brunette clenches her jaw and stares through her apartment windows to pretend she’s paying less attention to the conversation and more to anything else, too stubborn to say she’s sorry and fix things. Alison finally turns around with her chin tilted upward, looking at the ceiling with tiredness and no energy.

“I thought we were on the same page,” she sounds broken, arms slumped lifelessly by her sides before looking into upset eyes. “I thought you understood how much this job means to me but now it seems like you don’t give a shit… all because you’re upset I didn’t push a kid away when he called me to his desk.”

“Honestly?” it’s more of a question and it’s matched with a sad, drained laugh. “As shitty as it is, I thought I could change your mind about work, and, for  _ once  _ in my life, mean more to someone than anything or anyone else does.”

Alison is stunned by the confession, having to face away from Emily for ten seconds or so because she can barely form a sentence after that. Her body heats up with a new spark of anger, not knowing when she gave Emily the impression that she didn’t mean a valuable amount to her but also sensing irritation gnaw at her bones because she refuses to be manipulated by the girl’s insecurities. 

“You’re right. It is shitty,” her words come through disbelief before turning desperate yet insulted. “ _ That’s _ what this is about? Emily, I am  _ not  _ any of your exes and you mean a great deal to me,” she hates that the girl is bringing up her past relationships to use as a weapon, not knowing why Emily can’t get past the fact that she’s not the same. 

“But I’m still not enough, Alison!” for a split second, Alison sees tears welling up in Emily’s eyes, but they’re blinked away almost immediately.

“What are you saying?” her voice cracks. “I took this risk because you’re more than enough and I didn’t want to ignore what I feel for you.”

Emily swallows hard and a dark laugh comes through the end of it, expression appearing conflicted but twisted in a way that’s clouded with self-hatred and overall disdain. Alison can tell Emily is trying to push her away, not wanting to give into her fibbing wishes but also feeling herself giving up when she hears the girl respond with a forced “Well, maybe you should’ve ignored it. Maybe I’m not worth the risk, after all.”

“You’re unbelievable,” the blonde is floored by the amount of self-loathing and deep-rooted anger, stemming from a conversation that originally revolved solely around jealousy; as their argument continues, Alison notices that this is less about today’s events and more about their insecurities, wanting to crawl into a hole and start the week over. 

In the end, Alison feels herself beginning to choke up, muttering, “This is exactly why I didn’t want to get involved with a coworker,” which, looking back, wasn’t her best claim because Emily suddenly looks less angry and far more ready to bite back with anything she can muster up ━ something that’s proved to be volatile in former face-to-face encounters between the two, one ending with the girl departing after a sharp  _ “Have a nice day, Ms. DiLaurentis.”  _

“A coworker, or me?” whatever regret Alison had been gathering in the short period of silence is diminished when Emily’s cryptic, digging words jab at her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she knows she shouldn’t ask, more so because she can tell that Emily’s starting to pull back from fighting with her and they should likely leave everything alone, but Alison doesn’t deter from the impending insult because she’s curious to know how hard the girl is willing to hit, coaxing her with an airy yet challenging “Tell me what you’re trying to insinuate, Emily.”

Emily hears the tone and takes a deep breath, raising her chin a bit and not being able to stop herself from accusing, “Maybe you’d be okay fucking around if I was someone else. Someone more confident or deserving. And maybe even Mr. Russo would be okay with it,” as her sentence dies down, Emily shrugs with a nonchalant attitude. “Just not me. Not Ms. Fields.”

Alison is visibly hurt and now realizes that she shouldn’t have dared Emily to go further, her insult digging far more than she could’ve imagined. Emily, meanwhile, bites her tongue and wants to apologize right away because blue eyes water so hard that a tear immediately dribbles down her cheek and it’s the worst sight in the world.  _ Fuck _ , Emily thinks.

This is  _ exactly  _ why she should’ve waited a night before talking to Alison again.

“After everything I told you… after what Elliott  _ did _ …” Alison can barely get a sentence out, crying hard with a clenched jaw that’s only loosened when sobs try to escape her throat even though she’s pushed them down, and Emily wants to interrupt her forming rant because she can’t bear the rejection that’s swirling in already-bloodshot eyes. 

The blonde begins to whisper, hoping to get more words out before breaking down completely, “You told me you’re not like my ex-husband, but you just did the exact same thing he did, and I…” her mouth opens and closes, tears trailing down her cheeks one after another. 

She takes a breath, crying, “Just because you’re insecure, you put the blame on me and accuse me of things that don’t make any sense.”

Emily goes to open her mouth with sad, blurry eyes, Alison finishing with a tiny laugh, “You’re the only one driving me away, Em.”

“Alison━” her own, broken voice stops after she says the girl’s name, though it wouldn’t have mattered if she was able to continue because the blonde in mention shakes her head heavily.

“No,” Alison backs up toward the door when Emily takes a step forward with fragile, shaking hands and an attitude that screams she takes back what she said. “Own up to and live with your problems. I won’t do it for you.”

The other girl isn’t sure if the sight or sound of Alison being broken is more hurtful, but they’re both so nerve-wracking that she never wants to witness it again. Emily chokes on a sob of her own, Alison sealing her lips shut while trying to stop her lip from quivering, and the blonde’s feet take her backward until she’s pressed up against the apartment door and opening it with hands that initially miss the knob repeatedly. 

“For the record, I felt more comfortable with you than anyone I’ve known,” Alison shifts her jaw and her skin is stained with remnants of a breakdown that signals it’s about to worsen, forcing her next words through a shaky smile, “and it was never just ‘fucking around.’ It meant everything.”

Emily tries to beg her not to leave but the words are lost in her throat, being so choked up that it’s getting hard to breathe, and, although Alison realizes that she’s contributed to a great deal of the tension that lit a fire under this ordeal, it doesn’t hurt any less to know that the brunette is willing to target one of her vulnerabilities solely because she’s bothered by her own insecurities; maybe they both need to own up to their individual shit before trying to make things work ━ if they can.

She gives Emily a final look-over, not knowing how she can possibly flash the girl upset smiles with the desire to make them genuine again, but the silent, “I don’t know what to say or do” type of look on the brunette’s face pushes her to exit the apartment without a mere mention of when they’ll talk again or where their relationship lies. Stepping out and shutting the door behind her, Alison only stands there and stares at the end of the hallway with an empty look on her face, not knowing where to go when her house doesn’t feel like an actual home, and, to get that feeling, she’d have to stay with Emily. She knows she can’t, however, and blinks heavily while tilting her chin upward and forcing a breath down her throat. 

The conversation with Mr. Russo may have petrified Alison, but she knows her nerves would have eased once being held by Emily accompanied by a soft voice saying they’ll be okay. Of course, after tonight, that seems like a far-off dream, and who knows what’ll happen next.

Alison cries harder at the thought, shaking her head and finally ━ albeit slowly ━ walking away from Emily’s door without bothering to wipe the tears from her cheeks and under her chin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breathe in, breathe out━
> 
> Before anyone threatens to chop me to bits… at least I gave you guys a heads-up. It's hard to be straightforward when I'm still trying to stay away from major spoilers, so obviously my warnings were subtle ━ and rather repetitive. 
> 
> Nevertheless, this whole blow-up is imperative to bring out their inner demons. In a way, they both had to face their fears in this chapter; Alison dealt with Mr. Russo giving her a huge scare (which we'll discuss in a few) before coming face to face with Emily who was already lit off jealousy. Additionally, these two clashed in a way that amplified everything, and it brought their issues to the forefront; in a way, Emily thinks she'll never amount to "enough" for Alison whereas Alison's fears came to life in the form of Emily saying things out of jealousy/insecurity ━ just like Elliott did.
> 
> I want to talk about two things I mentioned. First: Emily's insecurities. They've come up before but in much milder forms, so it's kinda interesting (yet sad) to see them really light a fire under her ass and push her into saying some regretful things to Alison, statements that stem from feeling like she's not worth the risk ━ a sad result of Ben being able to flirt with Alison whereas she can't openly do that. Maybe it sounds silly, but it's actually pretty upsetting; Emily wholeheartedly thinks, due to her own, self-frustrated imagination, that Alison is okay with Ben flirting with her because he's worth the risk whereas she can't flirt with Alison because she's not worth it. You and I think that sounds bizarre, but Emily's been stuck in her head with internal demons for too long, and she's going to have to deal with them. Also, her immaturity struck hard here, especially when talking to Hanna. She knows it isn't Hanna's fault and her friend is only trying to keep her calm, but Emily believes no one has the possibility of knowing how she feels ━ sadly, now we understand that Hanna probably does know.
> 
> I want to make note that, during this argument, Alison is actually able to see right through Emily's defense and catches onto how destructive she is on the inside, but it doesn't excuse anything that's happened or been said, primarily because Alison has her own insecurities to deal with. So, the second, big thing I want to discuss is Alison's job. I'm curious… does anyone think Alison is too involved with her occupation? Do you think she holds her job on a higher pedestal than Emily? I'm torn. I mean, am I even able to be torn if I wrote it? I think, in a way, Emily feels she's on the backburner when it comes to Alison's career, but not in a way where she wants her to quit (like Elliott wanted). However, she worded it horribly and Alison feels like that's pretty much what she selfishly wants.
> 
> Alison did a complete three-sixty after that conversation with Mr. Russo, I'll admit to that. Before, she knew she had Emily by her side and felt like she could smash through walls. After, her anxiety crept up her throat and suddenly Emily being by her side wasn't enough. That's a problem that needs to be fixed, and it'll take Alison being alone and broken to mend that area in her head because Elliott really did a number on her. Quite frankly, the poor girl had a panic attack and, well, it didn't end so comfortably when Emily didn't even attempt to console her.
> 
> At least we now know why Hanna's been acting so strange and protective over Alison. Did anyone have a hunch? With this information, we can understand why she'd always try to push the conversation away from her own life, and why she was so adamant when talking to Emily about Alison ━ especially when she told Emily that she and Aria didn't need to know about whatever's going on between her and Alison. She was too quick to understand, and it's because she can empathize and share worries with them.
> 
> Communication is starting to lack again, clearly. They've both said some harsh things now, and Alison's seemingly exposed Emily's insecurities in a way she can't escape from. That, in turn, is going to create some drama which, while I'm nervous to show you, I'm eager to see because their relationship (spoiler alert) ends up much more solid. Never lose faith in these two, no matter how stormy things get.
> 
> I'll be back to open fresh, metaphorical wounds in a few days ━ on my birthday, in fact. Happy birthday to me. *side-eyes self*


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It ain't my birthday yet, but I'm updating, anyway.
> 
> Like always, there's a reason, and this one is the simple fact that I don't want to deliver the upcoming dreariness on my birthday because I can guarantee that I'll receive quite a few reviews like #wattehheck ━ especially judging from how many comments I got on last chapter saying, "A fight means make-up sex!" Although I'd like to deliver that, I'm going to put a damper on your parade and say that it's not happening as soon as you'd like. In due time. 
> 
> Fear not, though: I'm still posting tomorrow, so think of this as a double-update.
> 
> Also, I don't know if any of you follow me on Tumblr, but I may kinda, sorta be hypothetically writing a new AU story (Emison, obviously), not that I can release a lot of information right now. I'll give you technical details once I have more written and there's a solid plan in place, but, for now, just know that it'll be like… fluff, fluff, and more fluff. Of course, I can't help myself, so there will be a moment of #yikes (imperative to the plot), but, overall, it can be summed up with one of Alison's infamous smirks and a narrow-eyed Emily.
> 
> Alrighty. Grab a teddy bear and a blankie, then join me for a calming circle.

Alison looks up at Emily’s apartment complex, the ten-o’clock moon shining against the sidewalk where she stands in a way that vividly opposes her mood; the blonde feels much foggier on the inside, a harsh result of the past few days without her girlfriend ━ or, well, whoever she is now.

They haven’t spoken since Wednesday night’s argument when she walked out, and the guilt that appeared in that moment hasn’t gotten any easier to deal with ━ or any less deafening. She’s cried repeatedly, primarily that night which lead to absolutely no sleep before work on Thursday. If Alison’s being honest, she’s been an absolute wreck because her mind’s been tearing itself apart over Emily, one side telling her that she’ll be okay and this is happening for a reason while the other is trying to backhand her and drive her to make amends with the girl she still feels so much for. Oddly enough, the sting of anger hasn’t constricted her throat too often, mostly because she believes they could’ve avoided that argument if she had only listened instead of all but slapping Emily across the face with those words.

_ “Own up to and live with your problems. I won’t do it for you.” _

And maybe that’s the reason why Emily hasn’t been into work since Wednesday’s fiasco. Okay, no, that  _ can’t  _ be her excuse; the brunette would never skip work twice solely because she’s upset over what Alison said.

Right?

After all, Emily had said some rough things under her own willpower, pointing fingers at the blonde left and right because of whatever internal battle she was dealing with; Alison isn’t the only one in the wrong right now, and they both have to own up to things, just like the girl had thought once walking away from the door separating them on Wednesday night.

Either way, it’s concerning that the brunette hasn’t been into work, so much to a point of Alison checking her own reference schedule to make sure the girl hadn’t taken a vacation that she forgot about. Of course, she hadn’t said anything or even penciled her name in anywhere for a request, so Alison took it upon herself to cover the girl’s ass while making a mental note to scold Emily once they’re face to face again ━ because they  _ will  _ collide again, at some point. It’s nerve-wracking to be wondering if her words affected Emily to the point of stopping her daily activities, and she’s even felt herself being drawn to the idea of asking Spencer for Toby’s work address in hopes of going old-school and tracking the girl down, starting with the place at which she boxes.

She has to start somewhere, and that’s why she’s here, standing in front of Emily’s apartment complex. Hopefully she’ll get some closure once seeing Emily in the flesh, solely wanting to know if she’s okay, why she’s been ditching work, and if she plans on doing this for a while longer. Because of her disappearing act, even Alison’s schedule has been completely overrun by worries and shakiness. For example, today’s weekly, Friday meeting went to absolute crap as a result of her frantic yet distracted nature. Throughout the “event,” Alison’s fingertips had tapped against her leg while her tired eyes burnt into the lengthy desk each floor director sat along, Mr. Russo toward the edge while discussing quite a few things which the blonde couldn’t remember if she tried. Actually, she’s not sure if she was even awake for the meeting’s majority, constantly losing herself to the biting thoughts in her brain because, for hours beforehand, she was beginning to wonder if she should text Emily to make sure she’s okay. It’s just not like the brunette to disappear for an extended amount of time, regardless of how long ━ or little ━ they’ve really known each other.

_ Alison begins to shuffle out of the meeting room, being the last to gather her things because she was way too focused on the bare table in front of her eyes. Mr. Russo, however, lingers near the edge of the desk because he’s been flipping through something on his company iPad, being lost in professional matters until he sees Alison trying to slip through the door without stealing his attention. It doesn’t work, in reality, and he stops her for a moment while she’s facing the door with slammed-shut eyes because, hell━ _

_ “It’s about Ms. Fields,” his voice already sounds concerned and Alison hopes that he doesn’t ask her if something’s wrong because she may just break down right here and now due to exhaustion and regret. _

_ “What about her?” Alison turns around, keeping on a poker face. _

_ “She hasn’t been in?” he furrows his eyebrows. _

_ “Uh,” at first, she hesitates before lightening her voice, “no, she hasn’t. I heard from her on Thursday and there was an emergency of some sort. She doesn’t know when she’ll be back, so she’s put in for some vacation days.” _

_ “Oh,” Mr. Russo seems satisfied with the answer, “okay, then.” _

_ “Is something wrong?” _

_ “No, she’s just… not normally absent,” he nods, more so to himself, and Alison forces a very fake, understanding smile. “I hope she’s okay.” _

_ He begins to walk by her to exit the room, Alison waiting before muttering, “I hope so too.” _

Neither Hanna nor Aria have mentioned anything, but the blonde’s noticed that they glance at her nervously while appearing like they’re equally as confused when it comes to where Emily is, though no one is confident enough to say anything ━ including Alison, herself. Maybe they’re afraid of Alison, or possibly Emily’s told them not to talk to her much because of the things that were said, but it’s grinding against her anxiousness way too monumentally and she  _ still  _ feels herself panicking.

That assumption partly died after today’s meeting once she made her way back to the floor’s mainspace and began walking toward her office, being stopped in her tracks by Hanna who pushed herself into calling the other blonde’s name. Alison appeared hopeful, waiting to get some news on Emily’s whereabouts, but the girl suddenly froze up once they were face to face and only gave her a tight-lipped smile,  _ “Sorry, I, uh, forgot what I was going to say.” _ Alison’s wishful expression fell at the time, nodding and equally wanting to say something but not having the courage to. Following that altercation, no other words were exchanged between any of the girls, but the semi-scared glances continued.

Maybe they really  _ don’t  _ have any idea where Emily is, either, and that’s even more bothersome.

The rest of today’s shift was hell, sitting in silence and staring ahead at Emily’s smaller office. Her eyes began to play tricks on her, at one point, and made her imagine a dark cloud over the area as if the lights were turned off and the girl wasn’t coming back. It made her shift in her seat and take a deep breath, beginning to debate on leaving early. She hadn’t, however, because work was the only thing that was keeping her from completely collapsing. After all, she picked work over Emily, didn’t she?

Alison rolls her eyes at herself and the nagging thoughts, wanting to bite back at them because she stood up for herself and she’d do it again, but maybe, either way, it’s time to fix things. Emily  _ has  _ to be home, right? Where else would she go? 

She breathes out, pushing herself forward and entering the building with no trouble. Her feet take her to the stairwell as if she’s done it millions of times before, having already memorized how to get to the girl’s apartment ━ not that it’s very complicated. Her body feels heavy while ascending each step, the weight on her chest alternating between dragging her down and shooting straight up her throat as if she’s going to throw up. And maybe she  _ will _ ; she’s never been this messed up by someone, let alone a person she’s known for less than a month. Spencer’s voice enters her head, explaining that it doesn’t matter how long she’s known a person, but how  _ well  _ she knows said person. It makes her smile for a split second, but the lack of remaining stairs until she reaches Emily’s floor completely shatters whatever shred of happiness she was drumming up and, suddenly, she can barely breathe because, shit, there’s her door.

What if Emily  _ is  _ home? Then what? How is she going to handle things when she knocks on that solid barrier and the brunette opens it, merely glancing at her for a second before slamming it in her face? Or, in a worse scenario, Emily catches sight of Alison and breaks down right then and there. How would the blonde deal with that? In all honesty, she’d probably break down too, but maybe that’s best; they both should drain themselves of shit emotions, in that case.

The theories and ideas blend together, Alison’s imagination rattling with enthusiasm because it’s always been pretty damn colorful, but she puts an end to it by knocking on Emily’s door and holding her breath. It feels like years pass, waiting there in the quietness with a subtle humming coming from a generator somewhere in the building, and Alison’s fingertips shake so obviously that she has to cross her arms and tuck her hands into her sides to stop them. There’s a rustle behind the door and Alison’s throat clenches, posture stiffening as she stands and hopes that she’ll be able to relax once Emily’s in front of her ━ no matter how angry she is.

Finally, the door creaks open hardly an inch and she wonders if it’s Emily’s tactic of making her anxiety spark even further in a sense of revenge, but all feeling drains from her body and existence once she’s staring into the eyes of a complete stranger ━ one whose makeup is smudged as if she just woke up with blonde hair lying messily over bare shoulders only disrupted by a thin-strapped tank-top to match a pair of underwear. Alison takes a solid step backward, putting some space between her and the blonde stranger who stares at her with judgmental, annoyed eyes.

“Hello?” her voice is rough, somewhat raspy and kinda tired ━ but also tipsy.

Alison glances behind her, desperately trying to find Emily so she can ask her  _ why  _ over and over again, but her eyes only land upon half-empty (and some completely finished) vodka bottles on the edge of the counter. The girl in front of her smells like she’s been drinking most of them, and the thought makes Alison feel sick to her stomach for so many reasons.

“Is Emily home?” her breakdown starts to climb her throat, feeling like it’s clenching repeatedly while her heart is about to fall onto the floor between them, but Alison raises her chin and pretends she’s fine ━ something she realizes she’ll be doing for the next however-many days because there’s no way she’s alright, at the moment, and she’s admitting that.

“ _ No _ ,” the girl answers with a tone that Alison wants to slap her for, almost like she’s calling her an idiot, “she left early this morning. I don’t know where she went.”

She wants to squint and bite at the girl, having the desperate desire to ask why she’s at Emily’s house if the brunette, herself, isn’t home. She also wants to ask why the hell she’s over, in the first place, but that’s pretty evident and, suddenly, all Alison wants to do is yell at Emily for causing her to think she was special enough to make her stop sleeping around with people. It’s all too fucking comical: they meet, the two struggle to see eye to eye but Emily persists, Alison finally gives in and falls  _ with  _ the brunette, they argue  _ once _ , and suddenly she doesn’t mean squat to the girl she thought she knew, while also feeling like this is some nightmare she’s tripped into.

“Is that all you needed?” Alison sees the other blonde lean forward in a confused, impatient way, giving her a tight-lipped smile and turning away without another word.

Part of her wants to turn around and shove the girl out of jealousy before telling her to never come back here, but she knows she’s never been that person and shouldn’t start now. If Emily wants to sleep around again, fine, let her; the brunette makes her own mistakes, and Alison clearly remembers that she told the girl to live with those issues.

Something bubbles in her throat at the thought ━ and it’s not anything bitter ━ while her eyes brim with tears and her feet take her down the stairs. At the very bottom of the staircase, she has to stop once the voices in her head become too loud, and her lungs feel like they’re emptying, eyes periodically filling with more water before blinking the newborn tears away even though some spill over with her lip quivering. The memories threaten to strangle her one by one, but something inside her tells her to let them.

She remembers how Emily looked at her whenever they were close or feeling lively, and how her brown eyes sparkled with hope and comfort accompanied by a sense of “I’ll keep you safe” when Alison showed how vulnerable she was. It’s something she loves to recount even though it’s hitting a sore spot right now, mostly because Emily is  _ still  _ nowhere to be found, she’s starting to believe that the brunette will never come back, and, although the blonde is feeling like her entire world is crashing right now, all she wants to do is figure out where the girl wandered off to. What did Alison do that was  _ so  _ bad, she’d fall off the grid, evidently sleep with someone else, and then abandon that girl? She feels torn; anger wavering and being replaced in areas with hurt and something that’s far deeper than worry. If she’s not here, then where’d she go? Is she safe? Is she with someone else for another one-night stand?

God, after so much tension following their initial meet-up, they were both so satisfied and  _ living _ , but now all she can imagine is Emily alone somewhere… crying because of what they’d said to each other, or sleeping with someone to ease the pain. Sure, Alison’s felt hurt and, right now, it’s way past that, but her guilt is way too overwhelming now that she realizes it’s probably because of how hopeless the girl feels and, fuck, what’s going to happen now? When will she come back?  _ Will  _ she return?

Alison swallows hard and grimaces, shoving herself away from the wall within the confines of the stairwell and exiting through the complex’s main hallway. It’s time to think, Alison muses with disdain, knowing she has to sort out some thoughts for her own well-being; whether or not she gets the chance to ask Emily what’s going through her head ━ perhaps with accompanying anger because, seriously, what the  _ hell _ ? ━ the blonde admits that she’s never going to get anywhere with such cloudy thoughts and woes. 

Once she exits the building, she doesn’t look back at it, knowing that the idea of someone else sleeping in Emily’s bed is going to cause her to collapse in the middle of the busy street. Instead, she pushes forward, destined to get home and sulk.

****

X X X

****

She walks back and forth behind the loveseat in her living room, nibbling at her thumbnail and wondering how she hasn’t accidentally bitten her skin yet. It’s been two hours since harsh reality struck, that strange blonde’s face ingrained into her memory as she clenches her jaw with malic because it’s all so fucking ridiculous.

Once she got home (and within the small time-frame coming after she left Emily’s apartment), her existence went through a whirlwind of emotions and she grew drained minute by minute. It just didn’t make sense, and she wasn’t sure if she was more so angry with Emily, upset with herself, or concerned for the brunette, but an hour finally passed and she realized that it’s a combination of the three. The third option, however, has become the most obvious because it’s clear that Emily’s decisions have grown pretty shaky following Wednesday night. First, she skips work twice without so much as a notice, then she presumably sleeps with someone who, quite frankly, looks to have an alcohol problem and an attitude complex. Where’d her sweet Emily go? Is this entirely her fault? Could they have avoided this?

“Ali, can you please sit down?” CeCe’s voice sounds strained and whiny from where she sits on the couch. “You’ve been pacing for half an hour and it’s making  _ me  _ tired.”

“Then leave,” Alison’s answer is curt and mindless, acting like she doesn’t care without being snarky. “I can always call you when I’m done pacing,” her next statement is mumbled, the other blonde making a face.

“No,” it comes out through a sigh, “but at least talk to me while you do your little, frantic walking thing.”

Around forty-five minutes ago, Alison texted CeCe with a shot-down heart and blurry vision, simply wanting to keep her mind occupied. Instantly, the other blonde noticed a difference from her “normal” responses and called Alison to dig further, hearing a sniffle come from the line and automatically asking,  _ “Do you want me to come over?” _

With a tiny bit of reluctance, Alison told her that it was late and she didn’t have to, but the phone was hung up before she could fully get the words out, and, minutes later, CeCe arrived to give her a sad smile at the door matched with a playful  _ “You look like crap.” _

The most recent news spilt from Alison’s mouth with some gentle coaxing, CeCe appearing sympathetic yet mildly irritated by everything because she understood how much trust her friend buried in Emily, only to be burnt. She didn’t interrupt throughout the story, primarily because she could tell that Alison’s tone was surprisingly solid despite the few cracks when she felt herself choking up. It’s odd, CeCe notes whenever Alison comes off as more nervous than heartbroken, because the girl would normally be pissed off and read to slam the door in someone’s face if they pulled this shit, but her body language is confused and worrisome.

“Do you want me to text Spencer and ask if she can get some information out of Toby?” CeCe offers, Alison automatically having her eyes widen with a “No,” and following the whipped statement with a softer “Let her have a nice night with him.”

“Okay,” the other girl complies with a head nod, “now talk to me.”

Alison’s arms slump at her sides, wanting to continue wearing herself out so she’ll simply collapse on the ground and sleep there for the rest of the night while CeCe takes one of the couches. Her body tingles with a numbness that’s concerning but also familiar, the sensation cold and gross. It makes her want to skip the next week of work for a vacation of her own, wishing she could randomly put in for an “emergency” request and keep to herself with little to no communication with anyone. Maybe then she’d feel okay or at least relatively sane. Right now, however, her mind remains going a mile per minute and most thoughts pretend they’re roaming around the state, desperately seeking out the girl that means more to her than she probably should, at this point. 

Finally rounding the couch with slow movements, she sits two cushions away from her friend with her eyes looking straight ahead so CeCe’s gaze bores into her temple in search of answers. She sees Alison’s lips part, ready to say something.

“Why can’t I be mad at her?” the words sound shattered and exhausted, almost monotonous with a tinge of nearly tangible heartbreak and CeCe frowns when the tone is so foreign but also vintage.

“I don’t know,” CeCe shrugs with an exhale, studying Alison’s sad features as the girl’s blue eyes zone into the nearby coffee table. “Why can’t you?” she wants to dig further and figure out what her friend’s thinking, wishing she could drill herself into Alison’s mind and sort through her thoughts.

Alison licks her bottom lip, “I  _ was  _ mad at her,” the admission is breathy, afterwards having her eyebrows raise while mumbling, “God, when I first saw that girl…” she bites the tip of her tongue between her teeth, flaring her nostrils. 

CeCe waits, watching Alison’s demeanor soften as she whispers, “But, for whatever reason, I can’t  _ stay  _ angry at her…” following the confession, a dark, disbelieving chuckle tumbles from the girl’s lips, her chin lifting to the ceiling in a hopeless way, “What the hell is wrong with me?”

“So,” CeCe squints one eye, trying to understand without leaving traces of judgment in her impending question, “you’re more pissed off at yourself than at her… because you’re not angry enough?”

“I just want to know why!” Alison’s voice cracks. “I know what she did, so why can’t I be pissed? Why do I feel…” she breathes out, closing her mouth and bowing her head as her body drains of the spike in energy.

“Why does it matter?” her eyes narrow, still trying to access her friend’s thoughts. “Why can’t you just let yourself feel what you feel?”

“Because I don’t know what I feel!” the girl halfheartedly cries, the words shaking and sunken-in eyes welling up with tears because there’s just so much rattling inside of her and it’s getting harder to deal with even though, admittedly, maybe the answer as to what she’s dealing with is right in front of her face ━ and possibly it’s so obvious that she’s blatantly ignoring it. 

CeCe only stares at Alison, having some theories of her own as to why her friend is having such a difficult time walking away from someone who’s clearly wronged her, and they mostly revolve around a word that has a very big meaning but an extremely menacing effect. It’s not her place to explain it and she knows that, so she continues to listen as Alison begins to ramble. 

“This is my fault. I pushed her over the edge and she… she went for it. She left, she…” Alison trails off, sounding frantic and flat-out lost. 

“Okay, no, this isn’t your fault, Alison,” CeCe is quick to dismiss the idea with a wave of her hand. “She made a choice,” raising her eyebrows, she tries to get her point across.

“She wouldn’t have made that choice if I wasn’t so hard on her,” the other blonde argues, leaning forward as she faces her friend with a look that displays sheer guilt. “If I didn’t dilute her jealousy and practically call her crazy even though I  _ know  _ she has insecurity issues.” 

Alison takes a breath, gathering herself for a moment before explaining, “I know she fucked up now, but I can’t help but think it’s because of the shit  _ I  _ said. Almost like she gave up on trying to change because I told her I believed in her before taking that away.”

CeCe sees the girl’s eyes watering as they dart away, “Are you just making excuses for her, or do you really believe that?”

Her mouth opens and closes, ending with her saying, “I don’t know,” accompanied by an expression that shows otherwise.

“You’ve gotta know  _ something _ , Ali,” a sad laugh follows. “I’ve heard you say the same thing at least fifteen times now.”

They both fall silent, CeCe giving Alison time to think while wondering what it’ll take to draw more information from the girl. She wants to help and that’s obvious, but she can’t do it when Alison won’t let her. Sure, none of them within their friend group have ever been the most open and physically emotional, but they’ve always been honest when confronted with a straight-up question, and maybe that’ll ring true for this conversation, as well. Taking a breath, CeCe pleads, “Tell me… why do you care so much?” 

Alison grits her teeth together, keeping her tears at bay even though she knows she could probably allow herself to break down around someone she trusts instead of having it randomly happen if/when she leaves her apartment within the next few days.

CeCe, seeing that the other blonde’s only listening, expands on the question, “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but you need to give me more to go on because, if someone else had hurt you this badly, you know I’d be making my way over to their house right now to give them hell.”

She pauses, still waiting to be interrupted, but decides to finish with a kind “I can tell you don’t want that, but you need to give me a reason to stay unbiased, Ali” and a small grin that holds some underlying empathy.

Blue eyes finally peer in her direction, CeCe whispering, “You told Spencer and I that she’s different, but not how.”

Alison bows her head, two tears dripping down her cheeks when she hears, “I’ve never seen you  _ so  _ caught up in how someone else feels… that you’re willing to push  _ your  _ heartbreak aside for them.”

“You’re right,” after a minute, Alison offers her a sad, pissed-off laugh that breaks through a tiny sob. “I should be ready to cut her off and move on because of what I found out today, but I’m not. I… I don’t…” as her throat tightens and emotions spill over, it gets harder to speak and her words break apart, leaving her thoughts to crumble before they come out while she lets herself cry.

“Take a breath, babe,” CeCe tries to calm her down, moving closer and rubbing her back as she’s sat up and hunched over the edge of the couch.

The fact that Alison openly admitted to not being able to walk away from Emily even though the girl has heavily messed up only confirms CeCe’s suspicions more, wishing her friend would realize that it’s okay to be afraid when it comes to loving someone but also not wanting to push it because she knows how hard it was for her when Elliott fucked up ━ albeit, in a strange way, that seemed far worse.

“I should have called her,” Alison wipes her cheeks, afterwards rubbing her forehead heavily. “I shouldn’t have left her like that after we fought, and I should’ve made some attempt to patch things up. Even if we didn’t…” she begins to visibly struggle with her mouth falling open in distress, not wanting to even relatively hint at the idea of them not ending up together because, for some, heavy reason, that feels far too hurtful right now, “I still should’ve let her know that I’m here. I care for her.”

Her memories flash back to the way Emily's eyes changed into something way beyond hurt when Alison told her to deal with her problems, almost like a sad, kicked puppy or someone who just lost their last shred of hope. Even when the brunette spewed malice and hollowed-out words as if she was trying to shove Alison through the door to save herself the heartache, the blonde could tell that she didn't mean what she was saying. Thinking back, it looked like she was provoking Alison while the real Emily was trapped behind brown eyes in a form of imprisonment, pleading with the other girl to think twice and understand that she doesn't mean it; her insecurities took over and spoke on her behalf, and maybe they got her into  _ this _ mess, too. Alison's guilt doesn't lessen, however, as she remains feeling like she played a huge role in how Emily reacted to both their argument and her abrupt exit on Wednesday.

CeCe ducks her head and rubs her lips together as silence takes over, her arm wrapped around the other girl’s shoulders while Alison’s breakdown starts to hit heavily. She feels her shake occasionally, trying to stop oncoming, thick sobs from making her sound like a complete wreck. 

Alison’s throat grows sore in the meantime, cheeks stained with dried and new tears alike. Some trickle down her jawline and drop to her lap, sometimes wiping the area with the back of her hand. Each time she believes her cries are dying down, a similar, tearjerking thought comes to mind and her lower lip quivers again, shaking her head and wanting to curl up into a ball while muttering, “I trusted her,” before chewing her inner cheek.

“I know, sweetie,” CeCe must’ve sensed her need for comfort, unwrapping her arm from around Alison and semi-forcefully pulling her down into her lap so she can play with her friend’s hair and let her cry in peace.

It helps a bit more than Alison expects, the feeling of a physical gesture relaxing her shoulders as she moves her head and becomes a tad more comfortable, and CeCe listens to her sniffle.

“I still do,” it comes after ten or so seconds of stuffed-up breathing, and the admission makes CeCe furrow her eyebrows.

“Why?” she doesn’t want to be intrusive or judgmental, but it’s a genuine curiosity because she’s impressed that Alison feels this way while simultaneously being surprised at the reaction to everything. 

“Because the Emily I know didn’t do this.” 

Alison picks her words for a reason; she  _ knows  _ Emily didn’t do this.

There’s no way she could’ve or would’ve. 

Throughout the hours since she came face to face with the girl she hopes to never seen again, Alison made a big realization while rightfully stressing over the events that had unfolded, and that epiphany came when she remembered her own happiness after spending a night with Emily. That morning (and during the course of the night prior), she had been on cloud nine and anyone who came into contact with her would’ve witnessed it. Heck, Hanna and Aria took one look at her and knew, and she could see it in their eyes when she caught a glimpse of the wise sparkle within. Alison had fallen for Emily through the way the girl displayed raw emotion and vulnerability when they were in bed together, carrying into the morning after; she knew the brunette was being genuine and completely herself as they spent time together, and the girl’s smile was honest and real. Likewise, Alison felt the most alive that she had in a while, thoroughly forgetting about the hardships they faced together before that with the knowledge that they’d have to deal with more ━ no matter how she ended up reacting when the time came.

They noticeably had a connection, and their vivid happiness for days after that fateful, Friday night was proof.

The girl Alison met this morning… she didn’t look like she felt golden. She didn’t appear over-the-moon about whatever transpired between those walls hours beforehand, and her attitude was brash with an accompanying coldness. Whatever happened wasn’t out of sweetness or a vibe between the two, but something gross and sticky ━ maybe something addicting and not truly wanted.

Strangely enough, that gives her a sort of comfort she didn’t know she needed, but it also brings far more concerns than she’d like to deal with. 

What happened to the Emily she knows? 

Alison takes a breath, CeCe playing with her hair and noticing that her friend’s sobs have stopped coming and her body has stopped shaking. Good, she thinks with raised eyebrows, assuming she actually fell asleep but being proved wrong when Alison turns for a split second to glance up at her before going back to facing outward. 

“I can’t tell you why she’s different, and that’s because it’s not one specific thing,” the random thought makes CeCe frown, more so because she’s still confused but is trying to pay close attention. “She just feels new and it’s contagious.” 

She shifts her jaw, thinking before opening her mind, “For a while, I was searching for all the things I had lost when I was with Elliott, but I eventually stopped because I figured it wasn’t meant to be. I just… had to focus on work. I thought that’s what I’m meant to do with my life, and, after a while, I accepted it because I was happy with working,” swallowing hard, she clarifies, “I’m  _ still  _ happy when it comes to work.”

One corner of CeCe’s mouth curves into a smile, remaining silent while comforting the other blonde.

“Then she came along and made me realize that I was missing far more than I ever thought I was… but that’s because I  _ never  _ had those little, important things with Elliott,” Alison moves her head, almost bowing it when an old sting of hurt covers her new soreness. “I never had the comfort with him that I have with Emily, and I never felt entirely safe or wanted. He’d never lay his life on the line for me, but something tells me she would.”

Alison licks her lips in thought, muttering, “Maybe I shouldn’t think that considering what I found out earlier, but deep down I know she would and I have to believe it… because I  _ do  _ believe in her.”

CeCe smiles more, laughing quietly without letting the sound be heard far too much.

“I do too,” she says, sighing afterwards.

The other girl turns her head so she can look up at CeCe, eyes narrowed in suspicion, “Are you just saying that?”

“Right now, maybe a little,” CeCe raises her eyebrows with a tight-lipped smile that Alison looks away from, “but I can tell she means something to you and, in that case, I’ll put my pitchfork away for now.”

It gets a tiny, breathy giggle from Alison who goes back to her former position, every voice in her mind beginning to die down as exhaustion gradually makes its way into her veins. Her eyes feel lidded but she doesn’t want to fall asleep, still hoping to sort through her thoughts a bit more before giving into her dreams. Although her anxieties (thankfully) fall silent, Alison begins to wonder about her feelings for Emily and how they came about, trying to trace back to when they first met and remembering every smile the girl flashed her. She thinks about the teasing and the kiss she pressed to the corner of Emily’s mouth at the end of the night, internally pleading with the universe to turn back time so they could fix everything following that encounter. Things would have gone so much smoother if she had given into the girl quickly, even at the risk of getting her heart broken far sooner. Given the chance to do things over, Alison wonders if she’d pick Emily over work when faced with the initial decision because, right now, that’s all she wants to do. Even if her status isn’t exactly a stipulation, her past  _ is _ , and the desire to take another risk and raise her middle finger to everything Elliott put her through just keeps strengthening.

Given what she knows and despite how beaten-up her heart feels, Alison wants to find Emily, latch onto her, and never let go, and that’s because the brunette is worth it.

She’s  _ still  _ worth it.

And Alison knows why. 

“Have you ever felt something that you can’t explain?” her voice is so quiet that CeCe nearly misses the question, but it soon earns a sad, wise smile. 

“Yes,” is the initial answer, followed by a nudging whisper that reveals Alison’s internal realization, “but there’s a difference between not being able to explain because you don’t know, and not wanting to because it’s so deep and scary.”

It makes Alison seal her lips while her eyes focus on nothing in particular, afterwards biting her inner cheek and falling silent. CeCe, however, gives a final, smug statement that causes Alison’s heart to jump into her throat, more so because it’s a convictive implication and, quite frankly, she’s right: the feeling is deep and so,  _ so  _ scary. 

“I think you answered your own question as to why you can’t stay mad at her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, yeah, we can panic a little, but what did I say about that light in the darkness? I know you want me to shut up with my silly metaphors because I put you through all this drama for WHAT REASON ━ which I promise I have ━ however it's not all bad and you gotta admit that.
> 
> Alison is hurt. She's pissed (well, not as much as she wishes she was), she's saddened, and she's confused. Where did Emily go? Why did she fall off the face of the Earth? Is it because of the fight? Is it because she was never really in this? But, then again, Alison knows that this isn't Emily. Not the real Emily, at least, and that's monumental. I think it takes a lot of gall to push your blatant hurt aside, go inside your mind, and sift through happier memories just to make sure you weren't dreaming everything. So, in the end, she knows something's up ━ and, I'll confirm it: something is up, and nothing's as it seems. We're all jumping to conclusions right now, and that's a hint for what's to come.
> 
> She loves her. I'll confirm that too, mostly because I feel you guys deserve it. Alison loves Emily, and she's way more attached to her than initially thought. She hasn't admitted it, and CeCe only nudged her mind along, but it's coming, and her concern overtaking her upsettedness is going to show that. Because of what's happened and her heart being pulled in every direction, Alison is finally beginning to put pieces of her life in order, starting from what is most important to what needs to be pulled down a little bit.
> 
> There's a shade of self-blame here (or maybe a lot of it), and I think that's fair. Alison knows it's not her duty to sugarcoat things because of Emily's insecurities, but she was fully aware of her issues before entering the relationship and part of her regrets not handling it well/expecting the girl to immediately change; if Alison won't change for Emily, why would Emily change for Alison? That's her thinking nowadays, and it's rawly progressive. Emily, while she's away (for another chapter, just a heads-up), is also changing, so that's a good thing.
> 
> CeCe supports Alison no matter what she's decided, but do you? I'm not quite sure I'd agree with my friend being this trampled by someone, only to hear them say they still trust this person. Then again, if I was in Alison's place, I'd have to be asking myself quite a few questions, and I'd probably be just as irritated with myself if I wasn't angry enough at the person who wronged me ━ however I'd also wonder why anger isn't coming easily. Alison, in simple terms, has a hunch that something's going on, and maybe you'll disagree and ask, "Well, how the hell are you supposed to know? She can't just feel things in the air." Oddly enough, some people do, and that's what's happening.
> 
> Side note: Alison should've pushed her way into Emily's apartment and kicked Samara out a window, but that's just my non-writing P.O.V.
> 
> All I've been picturing is everyone reading this and turning into Hades from Hercules, honestly. Now, I have good news, bad news, and in-between news. Good news: You've passed the part that makes you want to grab Emily by the shoulders and shake her, as well as perhaps make you want Alison to move on and find someone who won't be an ass. ━ Bad news: You're almost at the part that'll make you regret feeling that probable disdain toward Emily, and a few waves of guilt may crash into you. ━ In-between news: This is going to heal slowly but surely, and I'm positive you'll all form your own views on the situation along the way. Of course, I'll share mine, but keep in mind that there are always two sides of a story, and endless opinions.
> 
> Now that I've written a book tailing a soap opera, I'll be back TOMORROW to mend your shattered hearts.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Emphasized party-horn sound*
> 
> That's actually a really polarizing entrance, if you think about it; I left you, yesterday, with broken hearts, and now I have the audacity to come in here and throw confetti.
> 
> HOWEVER! I am here, in all my birthday glory, with a cherry icee, to deliver another chapter ━ which hopefully repairs at least some of the damage I caused.
> 
> Read on.

Alison stares ahead at the living room TV, forever bored with whatever’s airing during the daytime on weekends. Hours ago, she flicked on a lame, always-the-same Lifetime movie as part of their infamous, murderous-step-mom marathon, leading up to a similar, low-budget film that’s playing right now. She hasn’t been paying much attention, heavily exhaling sporadically and picking her phone off the coffee table in order to scroll through some less-than-lively social media apps. 

Of course, with her weighted heart and hopeless mindset, her thumb would hover over Emily’s iMessage contact name and she’d wish that she could text the girl ━ or even call to hear her voice. The better option, however, would be for the brunette’s name to appear on her screen without having to do anything, herself, constantly wanting her to reach out and possibly apologize. It hasn’t happened, obviously, and Alison feels the need to roll her eyes at herself whenever she catches her brain being optimistic because, at this point, what’s the use? It’s been days and Emily hasn’t said a word or merely messaged her with so much as a simple “I’m done.” By now, perhaps that’d be better than sticking around and waiting, but, even then, would Alison be able to force herself into leaving? Just last night, she could feel CeCe’s partial judgment whenever she claimed that the real Emily wouldn’t hurt her this way, and that’s because she, herself, knew it sounded crazy, but it’s the truth; Emily would never deliberately put Alison’s heart on the line for any reason. 

Again… crazy.

At least she’s come back down to reality a little ━ or so Alison gives herself credit for. Just this morning, once she and CeCe sat down for a small, toast-and-egg breakfast, Alison sensed a fresh wave of choices trip into her mind, more so because her body was drained and she was sick of crying, simultaneously chanting the internal proclamation that today’s a new day. 

_ “Maybe I just need a few days to either get over her, or… figure out what to say,” she flips around a piece of toast on her plate, the crisped bread flopping onto its face and threatening to tumble off the ceramic dish repeatedly. _

_ Her friend notes her self-loathing nature, appearing mildly disgusted with herself and lost in thought, though it’s a much better demeanor than the prior night when the girl was practically a puddle of tears and confusion. CeCe leans against the back of the wooden chair, eyes boring into Alison’s temple while the girl almost flat-out refuses to stop toying with her breakfast even though the taller blonde has been finished with hers for at least thirty minutes. _

_ “Is there any option you’d rather?” to break the silence, CeCe sounds sympathetic and nurturing, still having the desire to pick Alison’s brain so she doesn’t have to deal with such menacing thoughts for the rest of the day ━ or at least she’ll somehow lessen them by getting the girl to spill what’s on her mind.  _

_ “The one that hurts the least,” Alison answers honestly, not tearing her dry, dark-circled eyes away from the plate where her food loses its warmth.  _

_ Her voice sounds raspy but not entirely sad, almost like she’s accepted what she’s dealing with and it’s not any easier than it was last night, but at least she’s gotten used to the stinging sensation in her chest. CeCe gives her a sad smile, deciding against lingering on the subject because it seems that Alison’s brain has become too tired to fight with itself now. Good, she internally muses, straightening her back out and getting ready to change the topic.  _

_ “Are you gonna be okay alone today?” she tilts her head to the side. “I can come back, if you’d like. I just have some errands to run.” _

_ “No, it’s fine,” the girl breathes out and leans back in her chair, initially letting the response linger in the air while staring at her friend until she offers a tiny, relieving smile. “I’ll call you if  I need anything.” _

_ “You swear?” _

_ The corner of Alison’s mouth twitches into a faded smirk, “My use of profanity has remained steady, yeah.” _

_ CeCe rolls her eyes and chuckles, shaking her head for a moment and playing along. _

_ “I’m glad she didn’t take away your sense of humor, asshole.” _

_ She watches Alison’s spur-the-moment piece of comedy drain from her features, the girl bowing her head and muttering, “I swear I’ll call if I need you,” with all seriousness and the remnants of a promising tone.  _

_ “Thank you,” CeCe takes her phone off the table and pushes her chair out, not being followed by Alison who goes back to flipping her toast around with furrowed eyebrows as if it’s the most interesting game she’s played in years.  _

_ Standing nearby, CeCe quirks an eyebrow at her intense body language, clearly deep in thought and ignoring of her friend leaving. To break Alison’s concentration, CeCe says, “And stop playing with your breakfast,” with an authoritative shade, blue eyes peering upward and glaring partially. _

_ “Eat and take care of yourself,” she instructs, Alison exaggeratedly breathing out and mumbling, “Okay, Mom.” _

Following CeCe’s departure, Alison sat at the table for a while longer, being consumed by the silence of her empty apartment with the occasional, street-life disruptions that only last a short second before introducing another wave of lonesome. Like throughout the day’s majority, she checked her phone for messages and/or calls every now and again, one time getting so frequent that she forced herself into the shower in order to sulk in her emotional wounds and cry if need be. She didn’t, mainly because her body really is drained from being so back and forth last night, but her mouth remained in a constant frown as she paid attention to washing herself off and drying her skin with a towel afterwards, practically on autopilot while going through the motions.

In a last-ditch attempt to feel okay about herself, Alison sprayed on a spritz of her favorite scent, her lungs filling with the aromatic warmth before paying no attention to it for the following hours. Her lack of chores and “homework” brought her to the couch, ultimately flashing her forward into the current hour: four o’clock on a Saturday. 

She sighs, slipping downward along the couch cushions until she’s nearly lying against the fabric with a kink in her neck as a result of her slumber from the prior night, grimacing at the feeling. It wakes up her sleeping brain for a moment, ready to get back into a semi-comfortable position in order to finish the awful movie she’s been watching even though she isn’t even aware of the protagonist’s name, but all preparation and shifting comes to a halt when there’s a desperate-sounding knock at the door. Her breath ceases, getting caught in her throat as she turns to the door with a frown and heart that beats slowly. 

Alison reminds herself not to get her hopes up, though her legs shake as she moves them to the side of the cushion so she can shuffle over to the door, another knock being smacked against the wood before she gives the person a grumpy “Hold on, please” when she’s only feet from the source. An arm’s length away from the doorknob, Alison hesitates and her fingers visibly twitch a time or two, a pool of possibilities spinning in her mind when it comes to who she’s about to be face to face with ━ one of which would obviously cause a lot more drama than she’s ready for.

“Can you please let me in?” a familiar voice comes through the door, Alison furrowing her eyebrows and instantly reaching to open it.

The barrier is hardly cracked before Hanna is pushing inside with stiff, determined body language and a ranting mouth, her words rushed as she goes on the defensive within seconds, “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important, so hear me out.”

“If you’re here to fend for Emily, it's not necessary,” Alison tries to get her to slow down by sounding even-tempered, but the other blonde doesn’t seem to care and keeps on with her protective attitude. 

“I didn’t beat Toby’s ass into hounding your friend Spencer for your address simply to ‘fend for Emily.’”

Alison can’t tell if the girl sounds more so pissed at Emily or in general, her eyes narrowing with an apprehensive “Okay, then why are you here?”

“She needs you.”

The words are so sudden that Alison feels taken aback, mouth dropping open before closing as her eyes dart away.

“Hanna, I━”

“Her father died, Alison,” the information stuns the blonde, her lips parting once more but this time in complete disarray and speechlessness. “Something happened days ago, and she’s been M.I.A. for the most part, but━”

“Wait…” her interruption is soft and small, “her dad died?”

Internally, Alison feels upset and wonders why Emily hadn’t come to her with the news, but it doesn’t take long for her to mentally call herself an idiot because, duh, the brunette felt like she couldn’t confide in her after their argument ━ and, honestly, neither would she. Alison’s bite-backs were unwelcoming and cold, albeit some were out of defensiveness to what Emily, herself, threw out, but two wrongs don’t make a right, and now that’s coming back to devour both parties.

Hanna remains silent, the negative reaction to the question an obvious indicator that the reality is still as harsh as it was when she first heard ━ or perhaps the circumstances under which she found out, Alison narrows her eyes.

“Have you known this whole time she’s been missing?” there’s a subtle jab of jealousy and irritation that comes with her wonder, not wanting to jump to conclusions but also not having the stomach to be left in the dark for something like this ━ not after what she not-so-happily found out yesterday.

“No,” the other girl shakes her head seriously, voice turning sharp afterwards, “and I’m actually kinda upset that she didn’t say anything to me or Aria. We haven’t heard from her since Wednesday at work.”

Alison watches Emily’s friend begin to stress heavily, Hanna continuing with her next ramble, “I called her Thursday night and Samara answered her phone which was a  _ fucking  _ nightmare, all in itself.”

The name makes Alison roll her eyes and cross her arms, having a hunch as to who Samara is while Hanna walks further into the room and almost talks to herself.

“I hung up because I was too  _ pissed  _ to deal with it, and I honestly wanted to talk to you about what’s going on, yesterday at work, but I━I couldn’t,” she turns around to see Alison’s lips sealed tightly in a manner that expresses how unhappy she is. “I knew it wasn’t my place to say anything about…  _ whatever  _ she’s doing with her… but now I’m just too worried to  _ not  _ mention it.”

She sees that Hanna’s waiting for some sort of acknowledgment to what she’s saying, Alison nodding in a form of acceptance when it comes to the underlying apology and understanding regarding Emily’s affair with Samara. Seeing her nod, Hanna mimics it in an absentminded nature, sucking in a breath and carrying on with her story.

“And then her mom called me last night and gave me the news since Em hadn’t yet,” within the short pause, Hanna seems to have her heart fall far into her chest, bowing her head. “I’m not sure if she was planning on telling anyone, and that bothers me so much. She knows how close Aria and I were with her dad. Toby, too.”

Alison blinks at the information, shifting her arms and tightening them against her torso while remaining somewhat near the closed door whereas Hanna stands by the couch.

“I don’t know what’s going through her head right now,” Hanna shrugs one shoulder, sighing, “ _ especially _ when it comes to Samara.”

She clenches her jaw and her eyes trail off to the side of the room to glare at nothing in particular, Hanna swallowing hard because she’s still not sure if Alison knew about Emily’s “ex-girlfriend,” but her adrenaline was so high before that it didn’t really matter, and, now that her body is beginning to relax, she’s starting to feel guilty. Nevertheless, she expresses her concerns again, Alison listening to each word and trying to wrap her head around Emily’s dad passing away because this is far too much for  _ her _ , right now, and she can’t imagine what the brunette’s going through.

“Normally I’d say Emily’s just blowing off steam by sleeping with someone, and I figured that’d be you, honestly,” Hanna gives her an unknowing, odd and short-lasting grin, “but, once I saw your face on Thursday and Emily never came into work…” she shakes her head, eyes closing for a moment. 

Hanna’s throat begins to tighten up and Alison can tell that she’s growing upset, feeling the same way and falling silent during the minute-long pause in conversation. 

“Samara’s the one person who I can’t stand,” her voice cracks with anger, afterwards seeping into something more worrisome. “She’s the one person who preys on Emily in the worst possible way with alcohol and bad intentions, and━and her allowing this girl to do that again after such a long period of time says a lot because she  _ knows  _ Samara is toxic and she knows how much I can’t stand the thought of this happening again.”

As Hanna stresses out and begins to walk around the room again whilst anxiously playing with the few rings on her fingers, Alison raises her eyebrows and softly comments, “She must be the girl I met yesterday.”

It stops the other blonde from moving for an abrupt second, eyes peering up at Alison in an apologetic, regretful way with features that display disgust with the current situation. Alison, however, looks away from Hanna because she doesn’t exactly want the pity, merely feeling desperate to find Emily and make sure she’s okay because, regardless of what the girl’s done to break her heart in recent days, she deserves to be drown in love and care after her father ━ so-obviously considered to be one of her lifelong best friends ━ has passed away. 

“Look, I care for both of you and I’m not dismissing whatever you two are going through right now because, trust me, I can tell there’s something…” Hanna begins with a lowness to her attitude, being cautious, “but she needs you.” 

Alison bows her head, and the other girl expands on her statement as it takes on a pleading nature toward the end, “Whether it’s a phone call or a fucking text message… whatever.”

Once they lock eyes, Hanna finishes, “You may be my boss at work, but you’re my best friend’s girlfriend behind closed doors, whether you two want to accept it or not. She needs to be saved, and God only knows she won’t let me do it.” 

Alison only pays attention to the other girl with unreadable features, Hanna blinking a few times to convey that she’s not trying to overstep any boundaries, accompanied by a whispered yet begging “Please” that makes her look away when it’s so heavy and filled with responsibility.

In all honesty, she admires Hanna’s protectiveness and will to do anything when it comes to her friends ━ especially of the girl’s apparent determination when it came to getting her address through the use of two people. Her ability to read people is honorable, as well, and Alison feels herself nodding to no one in particular as she looks back on their conversation while bridging the gap between Hanna’s words and her body language because her overwhelming amount of concern is a bit alarming but necessary; Emily is clearly drowning in her own sorrow following an argument on Wednesday, (presumably) her own insecurities, and the death of her father. That’s gotta be tough and Alison frowns where she stands, arms going limp at her sides.

“Do you know when the funeral is?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Hanna gets out through an exhale, eyes widening as they dart away. “The wake was today and his Army colleagues already had their own send-off. Em’s mom said he always joked about having a small, traditional funeral back here instead of this massive, Army-and-family thing, so.”

Hanna ducks her head, muttering with a reminiscent smile, “I don’t know how much Em told you about him, but he always joked whenever he was serious about something. That’s how you knew he meant it. I think it was mostly because he didn’t want to upset her mom with serious, funeral plans,” the assumption is ended with a quiet laugh, Alison giving the thought a gentle grin.

More silence comes following the memory, Alison clearing her throat when it begins to grow sore on Emily’s behalf, soon finding her voice again.

“What time’s the service, and where?”

“Um…” Hanna thinks for a moment, “do you have… something I can…”

“Oh, yeah,” Alison shakes her head when realizing that it’d likely be easier to write down, slipping over to the kitchen with Hanna in tow.

She rounds the kitchen island and looks for a notepad while her guest assesses her surroundings with impressed eyes and a partially agape mouth, remaining quiet for the time being. Alison finds a pen and whispers, “Okay,” more so to herself, sliding both items over to Hanna who snaps back into the current moment and lingers across from the other blonde. 

“Did you tell Toby?” while Hanna writes, Alison feels the need to ask the question when wanting to know who’s heard ━ and if she’s the last one to be hit with the news.

“Yeah,” she nods sadly, biting her inner cheek while pausing her writing, “I kinda broke the news to him like I did with you. It was sorta rapid-fire and I felt bad because Toby’s always been…” she searches for the right term, “I don’t want to say ‘emotional,’ but I could tell he was hurt. His dad was never really around, and I know he always looked up to Mr. Fields in a fatherly way.”

Hanna begins to write again, finishing the short memory with a mumbled, “Another reason why I’m upset Emily didn’t bother telling anyone.”

Alison feels like she’s constantly stuck in a state of guilt, this time for nothing in particular aside from the obvious she’s slipped into in regards to Emily; right now, everything is absolute shit and she wishes she knew what to do other than attend the man’s funeral ━ but it’s a start, she reminds herself.

The notepad is slid in her direction, pen resting nearby, and she tilts her head while reading the church’s address with a timestamp that says  _ “8:25 A.M.”  _ The service is being held in Ridgefield, about forty minutes from Stamford, and Alison internally declares that she’s going. Beneath the address and time is━

“I wrote my number down, by the way,” Hanna interrupts her thoughts. “Just in case.”

Alison smiles warmly, peering at the other girl with a timidity because it’s not like she’s been this open with Emily’s friends on any occasion ━ not even on that fateful, Saturday morning when the two showed up at the brunette’s door following a night full of━ 

“Thank you for coming here,” Alison pushes her own imagination away, “and thank you for telling me.” 

Hanna matches her grateful appearance and nods, the two standing across from each other with a kitchen island separating them. When silence fills the rooms again, the ramblings of someone on TV coming from somewhere behind Hanna only disrupting the nothingness, Alison takes the time to figure out what else she wants to say because, quite frankly, she doesn’t feel like being alone right now and, likewise, neither does the girl across from her.

“How’d you know that I hadn’t heard from her?” it isn’t accusatory or anything sinister, but Alison feels the need to ask because Hanna’s assumption was spot-on and she’s wondering if something she did had given it away. 

“Because I saw the look on your face at work and you seemed just as worried,” Hanna confirms her theory. “You still do.”

Alison takes her lower lip into her mouth and chews it gently, tilting her chin downward to evade eye contact. 

“You also looked a little pissed,” the girl gives her a sympathetic smile even though she’s not looking. “That’s how I  _ also  _ knew that things weren’t going so great.”

“Yeah, well,” Alison sucks in a breath, pressing her tongue to her inner cheek and turning away with elbows on the countertop as she leans over it. “A part of me assumed she fell off the radar for petty reasons since we fought after work on Wednesday,” she rolls her eyes at herself.

“About what?” the other blonde frowns, standing with her hands gripping the edge of the countertop.

The question sparks a debate within Alison; she wonders if she should bring up her conversation with Mr. Russo and Hanna’s behind-the-scenes relationship with “Mr. Rivers” ━ A.K.A. Caleb Rivers, one of the company’s software technicians ━ but she’s not sure it’d do much good right now. Not today, she decides, realistically only making an annoyed face at herself while replying, “Things that shouldn’t matter, honestly.”

Alison licks her lips in thought, finishing with a sad “Now it just feels like all of this could’ve been avoided if I hadn’t walked out, that night…”

One corner of Hanna’s mouth settles into a deeper frown, not knowing if she should provide a sense of security in saying that Alison couldn’t have done anything differently. She keeps her mouth shut until her curiosity fights harder to be heard, treading carefully with a hugely cautious attitude while asking, “So, you knew… about her and Samara?”

Alison breathes out and purses her lips at the same time, making a funny sound, “I kinda put two and two together when she answered the door yesterday,” she raises her eyebrows. “Wasn’t the greatest realization of my life.”

“God, I can’t imagine…” Hanna straightens her back out and rubs her arms while facing away. “I don’t think I’d blame you if you didn’t show up tomorrow.”

Alison wants to agree and say she hasn’t made up her mind yet, but realistically shrugs and shakes her head before looking at Hanna again, “I owe her that much.”

Hanna blinks, Alison turning away while explaining, “She needs support, and I feel like… some of this is my fault. I made her think she couldn’t come to me with her problems,” the end is muttered, clearly angry with herself.

“Em’s had a detailed history with choosing the wrong people to confide in, Alison,” Hanna is quick to assure her with a half-assed smile that lasts only a second. “Don’t blame yourself. I guess it was sorta like a relapse, maybe. I wish I knew,” her voice grows quiet, sealing her lips once she’s done speaking.

A part of Alison wonders if she’s an idiot for believing that this relapse wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for the things she said and what she made Emily believe, but, in her mind, it’s a valid theory; everyone handles things differently, but decisions become makeshift and aggressive when those people think there’s nothing worth fighting for, in the end. If Emily figured that Alison was finished with her due to the things they threw back and forth at one another… she could’ve snapped and fell into a hole of believing she’s unlovable or hopeless. In the end, standing where she does now while knowing the things she’s stumbled across within the past day, Alison dubs this situation as one that resulted from a snowball effect, beginning with Wednesday (or maybe even before that) and ending in massive heartbreak and shitty decisions, but that’s not to say she’s ready to leave Emily behind because, fuck, the girl’s still got a huge hold on her ━ if not a firmer one than before.

That four-letter word pings around within the confines of Alison’s head like it had done constantly throughout the course of last night, causing her to swallow hard and bow her head before breathing out with obvious distress. Hanna notes the change in atmosphere, frowning and creasing her forehead in wonder before her forming questions are answered by Alison’s exhausted voice. 

“I know I should be pissed at her for doing this, but I can’t be,” the words don’t waver but they’re not strong-sounding. “I’m hurt, but not done. I don’t want to be, at least.” 

Hanna listens, only staring at Alison who refuses to look at her. 

“Something keeps telling me to hear her out. Give her a chance to explain, I suppose. But once she does…” Alison doesn’t want to even insinuate that they won’t get back together, the sting of heartbreak still fresh and poking at a newborn wound that’s not close to healing anytime soon.

The other blonde nods in understanding, finally watching Alison glance at her with a new vulnerability that makes them both feel human to oppose their normal, working “friendship.” 

“Do you think I’m stupid for sticking around? After this, specifically,” she whispers, desperate for an honest answer. “Should I walk away?” it’s matched with a sad laugh, not knowing what she’s doing anymore because, in any other case, she’d be done with whoever-the-fuck wronged her without thinking twice, but this is so much deeper and it’s weird. 

“If I was in your position, I would,” Hanna doesn’t want to give her insight even though it comes out with a matched shrug, “but that’s only because I’m…  _ me _ . I can’t handle that, no matter the circumstances.”

Alison’s eyes somewhat narrow, mainly because she listens to Hanna with severe attentiveness due to her longing for solid advice from someone who deals with Emily every day. Hanna, after a moment of thinking, raises her eyebrows and continues.

“You’re  _ not  _ me, though,” she gives a curt nod, “and, from an unbiased point of view… I think whatever’s telling you to hear her out has a valid point that’s worth listening to.”

She doesn’t react, still feeling unnerved by everything that’s pushing her to stick by Emily’s side even though she knows she’s going to carry on the decision to do so; the possible, further hurt is going to leave a stain on her memory, but it’ll diminish with time as long as the brunette works with her and they push through what’s happening right now ━  _ together _ . She won’t give up on Emily, and hopefully it’ll be a joint effort ━ that is… if the girl still wants whatever they had. 

“From the point of view of one of Emily’s best friends, though…” it feels like centuries pass before Hanna opens her mouth again, “I can’t speak  _ for  _ Emily, but I know her, and she cares about you.” 

It gets a tiny grin from Alison, looking down at the counter.

“You’ve changed her, even if it doesn’t seem it right now,” Hanna mirrors the wiped-out, airy expression, “and for that reason… I beg you to give her another chance, or at least give her some sort of closure. Maybe she doesn’t necessarily deserve it because she’s done some…” her eyes go wide and she lowly mutters, “ _ shitty _ things,” Alison wants to chuckle at the girl’s eye-roll, “but I’d hate to see whatever you two have fall apart without trying to fix it.”

Again, Alison admires Hanna’s honesty and gives her an understanding head-nod, also thinking hard.

“I understand if you  _ can’t  _ stick around because, like I said… I’d never be able to handle this kind of thing,” Hanna sighs, “but I figured I’d be honest. I care about her just as much as you do, even if I don’t agree with the things she’s done.”

They look at one another for a round of seconds, a mutual agreement of sorts flowing between them. Alison eventually breaks it, looking off to the side and rubbing her lips together with an attitude that portrays her apprehension but consideration when it comes to Hanna’s words, whereas the girl across from her seemingly gets ready to leave when she begins to shift on her feet.

“I have to go see Aria,” Hanna states. “We still have to figure out when we’re leaving tomorrow morning and everything else.”

“Okay,” Alison follows her as she begins to walk to the door.

“If you need a ride, let me know,” as the barrier opens so Hanna can pass through, she lingers in the doorway and Alison stands behind her while holding onto the doorknob.

“Thank you again, Hanna,” it’s sincere and gets a smile from the blonde guest.

“You deserved to know,” she tries to play it off, Alison licking her lips in thought.

“Not just for that, though,” bowing her head, she clears her throat. “Thank you for… listening and not judging me.”

“Anytime,” Hanna flashes her another, kinder smile, lacking the former awkwardness from when they first got into the kitchen.

Silence cues the girl’s departure, Hanna backing up and turning so she can walk away from Alison who stands in the doorway. Before she can get too far, however, her name is called and she faces Alison again while feet of hardwood floor separate them.

Alison’s previous grin returns, words leaving no room for debate while notifying, “She cares about you too, and I hope you know that,” with a gentle attitude, the statement being granted an initial speechlessness before Hanna’s smile comes back with a small laugh and a tiny “Thank you” because it’s obvious that she needed to hear it.

At that, Alison shuts the door once Hanna disappears into the elevator that arrives almost straight away. She locks the barrier and, at first, leans against it with a slumped posture and conflicted mindset, wondering what her next move will be. 

The conversation with Hanna has wholeheartedly affected her in a way that’s unexpected, causing her need to hear from Emily to kick into overdrive ━ but not for selfish reasons. Her friend’s obvious concern for her safety and mental wellbeing (in regards to the Samara situation) clouds her mind because it solely reinforces the idea that the brunette, in true form, didn’t do this. Alison realizes that it still sounds hard to believe because, hell, who in their right mind goes out and sleeps with someone else after a single argument? The answer is in the question, however: Emily wasn’t in her right mind, and now it’s a pretty damn supported theory because it seems the girl was so overwhelmed that maybe she just snapped.

Alison pushes herself away from the door, aiming straight for her cell phone and picking it up with driven hands and a mouth settled into a mindless frown. She doesn’t think twice about clicking Emily’s name, thumbs gliding over the keyboard and sending a text with a heart that’s pulled down with heaviness once the message leaves her screen and appears in a blue bubble.

She bites the corner of her lower lip and sits down on the couch, body suddenly draining itself of the emotions she’s beginning to build up again. Her butt perches on the edge of the cushion, phone on the coffee table like prior, and elbows dig into the spot above her knees. Her eyes stare ahead at her phone, wishing she’d hear back from Emily but knowing she likely won’t. Nevertheless, she doesn’t regret messaging the girl, and maybe her words will provide some comfort to the brunette even if she doesn’t have the stomach to respond.

_ “Please be safe.” _

Either way, they’ll be coming face to face tomorrow, and hopefully Alison’s appearance is a good surprise rather than one that Emily isn’t in search of because the blonde’s set on making the girl feel comforted and not alone ━ not to mention loved.

Very loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Halison chats so damn much. They're so useful in emotional moments.
> 
> Given what we now know, has your opinion of Emily's actions changed at all? Knowing her father passed away so suddenly, after her and Alison had fought? I'm not trying to nudge you one way or another; if you're less upset with her now, okay, and, if you're not… that's also okay. Some of you may be wanting to throw accusations like, "Struggling with her father's death isn't a valid excuse to fall back on old habits and sleep with Samara," whereas others may be saying, "Um, losing a loved one is beyond painful, so I'm not surprised she fell back into her comfort zone, no matter how dangerous." ━ Everyone has an opinion and each, in its own light, is accurate. Emily should've known she had a safe place in Alison's arms, no matter what they fought about, but she obviously couldn't think straight and went back to the one thing that sounded numbing enough. Sad, but common. With that being said, keep holding onto the piece of information I gave you in last chapter's author's note: there are always two sides of every story, and we have yet to hear Emily's.
> 
> What's nice about this chapter is that Alison is beginning to repair herself without being hateful toward Emily. She's still worrying, yes, and now we know that she was right to worry. She also matures in this chapter by asking Hanna for her opinion; she knows, without a doubt, that Hanna and Aria are the ones she must ask in regards to if she should give Emily another chance because they know her more than anyone, and she knows that she can trust them when it comes to this. Alison even thinking about giving Emily another chance is a big step for things, primarily because of her knowledge in relation to what she deserves; although Alison knows she doesn't need this kind of hurt, she's still willing to hear Emily out.
> 
> Another thing I want to point out is Alison's final words to Hanna, telling her that Emily cares about her, as well. As I said for most of the beginning of this fic, Emily and Hanna's relationship hasn't been going well, and it's because of the stress on both sides of the aisle. Nevertheless, everyone knows Hanna and Emily care about each other, and Alison wanted to reinforce it in order to return the favor since Hanna had gone out of her way to help Alison. Hanna, all around, is a very important character in Emily's life (as well as Aria, don't think I forgot). Here we see Hanna, albeit scorned by Emily because of the recent snapping, hounding down Alison's address so she can beg the girl to save her best friend.
> 
> Now, I apologize to everyone who's upset over Mr. Fields' passing. It was difficult to make the decision, but it had to be done. At least we get to grieve, however, with Emily and Alison. Yes, I mean it; we'll see them together in the next chapter, and I promise I won't hit you with any screaming matches. It's going to be an important update regarding how they're going to mend together, throughout the rest of this story.
> 
> For now, I'll be stuck on Tumblr (I'll say it again: "capn-charlie") and hopefully writing up a storm ━ not literally. I'll see you next month! Hah, hah, I know I'm not funny.
> 
> Love you guys, and thanks for continuously dealing with me ━ also thank you for the birthday messages. You rock.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy, howdy.
> 
> Before we start anything relating to the story, I've included a thank-you note, of sorts, on here (even though I already posted it on Tumblr):  
> “I want to express how honored I feel to have such good people in my life. I know a lot of you say you're fans (whether it's in regards to my writing, or me, as a person), but I'd like you to know that I think of you guys as friends above anything. I don't want to get overly sappy, but I've never had a solid support system ━ as you probably know by now since I've said it a time or two before ━ and, to see all those birthday messages, plus compliments about my writing and how I portray my stories, characters, and myself… it means more than I'll ever be able to express. I won't lie and say sometimes I don't get frustrated due to not knowing how to explain how grateful I am for you guys, but I just hope you know that it's more than I'm able to portray via typed words in my author's notes ━ or even in the content strewn throughout my fics. You all matter, and a lot of you say I've made a difference in your life, but I occasionally wonder if you know that you've made a difference in mine. For that, I confirm the idea; you've made me into a better writer, fandom-nerd, and human, and I'll forever thank you.”
> 
> My heart is with everyone who’s been affected by what’s happening around the world. I feel I say this so often, and it’s so sad how frequent these horrid events occur, but I’m here with you. Always.
> 
> Hopefully this chapter lets you grieve and smile in the proper ways. 
> 
> Also, the bottom note is huge ━ and, yeah, I had to mention it.

She carefully ascends two steps until she’s standing on a marble-looking landing, a few more, measured yards until she’s slipping through the tall church doors to attend the funeral of Emily’s father.

Of course, she’s late, mainly because traffic decided to be a bitch at the last second and it doesn’t help that she left a bit delayed due to nerves mixed with the stress of not knowing how to dress since she hadn’t attended a funeral in years ━ but she supposes that’s a good thing.

The sky is flooded with grey, prominent clouds rolling above the church and it smells like it’s going to rain, though the forecast calls for a couple of drops and nothing more. The perfect weather for such an occasion, she internally sighs and looks down at her feet, still standing in the same spot and mentally psyching herself up for the service. She still isn’t sure what kind of attitude to expect from Emily, although the thought of it potentially being cold is making her a tad more hurt than nervous. She even thought about messaging or calling Hanna this morning, close to cracking and asking for a ride even though she ultimately stopped herself because she didn’t want to seem this scared for everything.

She is, though, and it’s for more reasons than just one, but it’s not like she can turn away now because, first of all, she’s gotten this far, and also that wouldn’t be fair to the brunette who needs her the most ━ and, yes, she still means what she said to Hanna; she owes Emily this much.

Alison clears her throat and proceeds to walk up to the doors, her formal yet dreary outfit outstanding against the white-toned brick of the church. She’s at its front doors in no time, not knowing  _ how  _ late she is but also delaying her entrance because it’s not like she wants anyone to notice she’s here. Either way, she takes a breath and pulls at the handle, thanking every higher being when nothing’s exactly begun except a thick wave of silence.

At the back of the floor cluttered with pews, statues, and the altar up front, Hanna and Aria sit together with Toby pushed furthest into the bench, no one else beside them. It makes her breathe out in relief a bit, mostly because that means she doesn’t need to be seen by anyone else or interrupt the impending service, and she begins to walk quietly toward Emily’s friends. As she advances, her eyes glance up and see Emily, herself, sitting next to an older woman ━ likely her mother ━ in the frontmost pew with their heads bowed. Alison pauses in her tracks once she’s standing next to Hanna, Aria, and Toby’s designated seats, their heads turning toward her while she’s zoned out for a few more seconds. Once she realizes she’s being stared at, she looks toward them and they give her sad smiles, Toby’s face noticeably with old tears while Hanna’s nose is a subtle tint of red, but they don’t push over so she can sit with them and, in response, she frowns.

“What are you doing?” the other blonde raises her eyebrows, Alison making a dumbfounded face like it’s obvious. “Go,” she partly nods in Emily’s direction, lightly telling the other girl to sit with her because she obviously needs it.

Alison feels her heart pounding, eyes darting to Aria as if to plead with her to let her sit down, but she only raises her eyebrows like Hanna had a moment prior in a form of solidarity with the request. She swallows hard when realizing that they’re not going to let up, turning her head to look in Emily’s direction again and seeing the brunette’s back shake occasionally as her posture is slumped over in a way like she’s starting to cry harder due to the harsh silence filling the church with her father’s casket only feet away at the altar.

Again, she looks at Hanna and Aria, Toby not making eye contact with her, and eventually nods in acceptance. She straightens her back out and takes a breath, purse clenched in one fist as it rests by her side while beginning to walk down one side of the aisle with soft footsteps because she still doesn’t want to be noticed by anyone. Successfully, she isn’t, noting that most guests ━ not that there’s very many of them ━ are praying and/or inaudibly discussing whatever with whoever’s sitting next to them. Only five feet away from where Emily sits on the endcap of the front pew, Alison hesitates and slows down even more, closing her eyes for a second before erasing the rest of the distance while feeling like she’s lost her hearing and heartbeat because her anxieties are starting to consume her at the thought of soon being face to face with the brunette who has a desperate hold on her.

She slides into the small, leftover spot between Emily and the end of the pew she’s sat in, the brunette’s head turning at a slow rate to look at whoever’s now pressed against the side of her, and Alison watches her lips part with the remnants of tears on her cheeks being illuminated by some hanging chandelier-type lights nearby. Her expression is completely caught off-guard, clearly not thinking that Alison would show ━ but it’s certainly not unwanted ━ and the blonde gives her a gentle, sympathetic smile that fades within seconds because all she wants to do is wipe the girl’s tears away. In turn, due to Alison’s near-tangible care, Emily’s eyes begin to water again as she looks at the blonde in hopes of being able to apologize for everything via emotion without the words she’s never gotten a good handle on, having to finally turn away when those tears spill over to trickle down her cheeks and, soon, her chin.

In response, Alison feels her lungs empty in a regretful form of a sigh, leg pressed against Emily’s as the girl plays with her own fingers in her lap. She glances down and notices the self-distracting motion, shifting her posture and looping her hand through the space near Emily’s elbow so she can hold onto her in the least bit while not caring if anyone sees because, over the course of the past few days, she’s realized that this girl means more to her than she previously admitted to and has finally accepted that. The brunette looks down when she feels careful fingertips against her wrist and side-eyes Alison briefly, the gesture making her throat tighten as a priest makes his way to the altar in order to formally start the service, and the thought of enduring the next, lengthy blessing makes Emily open her palm with shaking fingers being entwined with the other girl’s immediately. She wants to cry further once feeling Alison’s gentle skin for the first time since everything happened, the girl’s atmosphere non-hateful even though it probably should be.

At the memories, her tears flow more than prior, bowing her head again and clenching her jaw when she doesn’t want to sob too hard in the midst of a quiet church, and Alison frowns heavily with her own eyes misting up because there’s not much she can do, as of now. In a small attempt to provide the most amount of comfort she can in the confines of a silent service now being disrupted by the priest speaking for a short introduction to the funeral, Alison holds Emily’s hand tightly and rubs her thumb against the side of her finger, hoping to calm her. She snuggles up to the brunette while also holding onto her forearm with her other hand, keeping a gentle grip and breathing steadily for both of them. 

Nearby, Emily’s mother turns to the two for a short moment but doesn’t say anything, grateful for this girl comforting her daughter while already having a clue as to who she is. It makes her gain a kind yet empathetic smile, knowing the circumstances aren’t ideal, before turning back and paying attention to the rest of the ceremony.

Emily breaks down little by little and Alison helps her along, making sure she gets her energy out as necessary because it’ll probably be a relief, later on ━ or at least she hopes. She lets a few of her own tears fall in the process, hearing the girl’s muffled cries with their palms sweating against one another. Her nails drag along Emily’s skin, also not knowing if it’s too forward for this clusterfuck of a situation between them but not exactly caring because, hell, they both need the physical comfort right now.

They both deserve it, too.

She lifts her chin and listens to the priest speak and recite psalms, anything Emily and her mother had chosen for the ceremony (as well as Mr. Fields, himself), until she swallows hard at the dreary vibe, not particularly enjoying things that welcome sadness with open arms but knowing it’s necessary. She ducks her head again, knowing it’s probably best if she doesn’t linger on staring at the casket where a flag and a picture of Emily’s father lie, but pays her respects as much as she can because, as far as she’s concerned, her wish to someday meet Mr. Fields still holds a place in her heart and mind, knowing she has some time to make up for on the brunette’s behalf; Emily loves her father, and that’s enough to make her want to have a connection with him, as well.

Her thoughts are broken up when Emily slumps her posture in a way that lets her shimmy down the seat to get comfortable, hesitantly leaning her head against Alison’s shoulder as their hands are still loosely clasped. Mrs. Fields turns her head to look at them, a short eye contact being held between her and the blonde that allows Emily to lie against her, and two, faded smiles are shared before both face the front of the church to listen.

Alison, however, gets comfortable herself and leans her cheek against the top of Emily’s head in a form of silence that says, “you’re safe with me.”

 

X X X

 

The faint ticking of a small, kitchen-counter clock is heard near Alison’s ear, her body leaning over the marble slab with her elbow digging into the surface. Mr. Fields’ small,  _ “In memory of”  _ card is clasped firmly between two of her fingers, her eyes boring into his face like they have been for a while now ━ a result of being zoned out and thinking about how many physical, facial traits Emily shares with her father. She smiles occasionally, though it’s always wiped from her features when remembering how sad the funeral was for the lasting hours, and how much Emily ended up crying even though she was obviously trying to hold herself together. Alison could tell that her presence affected the brunette more than she had imagined beforehand, brown, bloodshot eyes not wanting to lock with hers too often because, whenever that happened, she’d fog up even more.

Nevertheless, Alison rubbed her back throughout the remaining portion of the funeral once they were at the cemetery, neither girl saying a word after the priest finished his blessings and guests paid their final respects before walking off. Emily stood by her mother once people began to leave, being approached by the guests one by one and giving hugs to those closest, and Alison watched with Toby for a while. They shared minimal words during that time, Toby clearly aching from Mr. Fields’ death, and he eventually muttered, _ “I’m going to go see Em,”  _ when they both saw the brunette walk away from her mother to get some air at a nearby headstone only feet away from her father’s casket.

_ “Do you want to come with me?” _

_ “Um,” she turns to look at Emily who rubs her own arms and tries to breathe, head ducked while staring at the ground, “no, not right now. I think she needs to breathe for a little.” _

_ “Okay,” he tries to smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes, Alison mimicking the small expression before it falls once Toby walks away and she’s standing alone. _

_ Looking to her left, she sees Hanna and Aria talking with one another while glancing in Emily’s direction every now and then, noticeably having a debate about their third friend who stands around with Toby. Alison chews her inner cheek and lingers alone, ready to walk over to the two girls before turning her head to the right and seeing Emily’s mom staring at her husband’s resting place with a solemn look on her face and head tilted. Her hands are clasped in front of her, a spare flower from one of the arrangements between her fingers before leaning forward and placing it on his casket with a sad smile. Alison’s eyes drift to the ground, sealing her lips before deciding to approach the woman. Within no time, she’s standing somewhat in front of Mrs. Fields, their eyes locking with a sadness yet respect flowing between them.  _

_ “I’m sorry for your loss, Mrs. Fields,” Alison tries to keep her voice steady.  _

_ “Thank you,” it’s kind and as warm as it can be considering where they are and the events surrounding this meet-up. _

_ Mrs. Fields stares at the girl in front of her, knowing who she is without meeting before this. Even with the blonde’s name, she feels the need to ask after seeing how close she was with Emily in church and afterwards, remembering how snuggled up they were and having a tender heart at the sight because it’s nice to see.  _

_ “What’s your name?” she asks, a tiny smile hidden behind the question. _

_ Blue eyes appear childish yet cautious, “Alison.” _

_ The tiny smile from before grows on Mrs. Fields’ face until it falls a bit and becomes more pleading with a sparkle in her eye, “Can you do me a favor?” _

_ It catches Alison off-guard and her mouth initially opens with nothing coming out, afterwards stuttering slightly, “Um, yeah, of course.” _

_ “Look after Emily,” she says with a knowing tone, glancing past Alison to see her daughter approaching Hanna and Aria.  _

_ Alison turns to watch Emily do the same, faintly hearing Mrs. Fields continue with a soft “Make sure she stays happy.” _

_ The blonde swallows hard, not turning back at first, “I… I can try,” she faces Emily’s mother again, “but I don’t know if she wants me to…” _

_ “You’re important to her,” the older woman cuts off her trailing thoughts immediately, smile reappearing and showing within her eyes, as well. “She wouldn’t have told her father about you, if you weren’t.” _

_ It catches her by surprise and it’s apparent, her mouth opening a bit and eyes drifting off to the side to look at nothing in particular. She tries not to get sucked back into her own mind for a long time, however, and looks at Mrs. Fields once more, that wise grin still on her face with a hint of smugness that Emily certainly inherited, Alison muses. _

_ “Thank you for coming,” she puts a polite end to the conversation with a final, quiet declaration, beginning to walk over in Toby’s direction before turning back to Alison another time in order to say, “And, Alison,” it gains a pair of attentive eyes, “you can call me Pam.” _

_ Alison smiles and nods as much as she can, still feeling the effects of what she just found out. The woman walks over to Toby and begins to talk to him, the blonde remaining in the same place and thinking to herself because, although it seems like something small to others, knowing Emily spoke to her father about her means the world due to the nature of the brunette’s relationship with her dad. She feels herself smiling at the new knowledge, clearing her throat and searching the grounds for Emily, only to see her collapsed into Hanna’s arms and seemingly crying as Aria hugs the other side of her so they’re in a small huddle. Her heart frowns at the sight, feeling a hollowness move into her chest and wondering if she should approach or let them have their moment.  _

_ It doesn’t take long before deciding that she should offer her own sympathy and warmth to Emily in the form of an inaudible (or otherwise) “I’m sorry,” and she shuffles toward the group of friends. Feeling like she’s walking in slow-motion, Alison breathes evenly and listens to their broken-up conversation once she’s in earshot, hearing a muffled and cried-out “I’m so sorry” given to Hanna and Aria both, the two muttering things such as “Everything’s fine” and “You’re okay.”  _

_ Finally, she’s only feet away from the group and Hanna raises her eyes to see Alison, pulling away from Emily with her hands on the girl’s shoulders while rubbing up and down in a comforting manner. Aria gives Alison a smile, Emily not realizing that she’s behind them, and Hanna flashes the brunette a small grin while stating with an underlying firmness, “She deserves an apology more than anyone,” and nodding in the other blonde’s direction. Emily glances over her shoulder to see Alison standing there, her lips parted in nervousness, before turning back to Hanna who nudges her and raises her eyebrows like she’s telling her to walk over to the girl.  _

_ Emily does as told and, as she carefully walks closer to Alison until they’re less than a foot away, tears spring into her eyes and become visible. Alison watches her begin to break down, the brunette’s mouth opening and closing as if she’s going to try to apologize for everything right then and there, but tears begin to fall quickly and she takes a step closer to Emily with a caring “Not right now.” _

_ She notes the two trails of thin water paving their way down the brunette’s cheeks, reaching out and wiping them away with the slight pressure of her thumb, and Emily swallows hard when her throat gets sore.  _

_ “Come here,” Alison whispers, pulling Emily closer and hugging her as the girl’s face is buried into the crook of her neck.  _

Alison remembers her hand on the girl’s back and feeling her shakily inhale repeatedly, not knowing if she’s crying hard or trying not to so badly that she’s breaking down even more. Emily melted against her body and hugged her tighter, finally letting herself accept the sentiment and care. She recalls hearing a tiny  _ “I’m sorry”  _ as if it wasn’t even spoken and was only the whistle of wind passing by, but she nodded anyway and held Emily for an extended amount of time while the girl’s friends were joined by Toby once again.

When given the choice of driving home with Hanna and Aria, Toby, or Alison, Emily looked at the blonde she probably should’ve driven back with but, to make it easier on both of them, bowed her head at the idea. She ultimately tagged along with Toby, though her state was absolutely silent leading up to that with the exception of quiet whispers such as _ “Thank you for coming” _ and another  _ “I’m sorry” _ or two. At the time, Emily’s voice from weeks ago played in Alison’s mind, remembering how apologies don’t come easy to the girl, but now it seems the opposite and she’s not sure if that’s a good thing, or what.

Alison’s time at home, since arriving back, has been quiet and she hasn’t even turned her TV on. She took a nap at one point, constantly checked her phone, and held herself back from contacting Emily because it seemed like her atmosphere clouded the brunette to the point of snapping her in half quite a few times. She also looked thankful, however, and that’s what made the trip beyond worth it; Emily’s happiness, no matter how small, is still worth it.

She puts Wayne’s picture down onto the counter, pushing it to the side so nothing ruins it until she figures out where to put it for good, and Alison walks out of the kitchen. It’s now nine o’clock at night and she has work tomorrow ━ not to say she wants to go ━ so her mind is drawn toward her bedroom. She’s already wearing comfortable pajamas and is ready to sleep, but the concept of waking up tomorrow and dragging herself to the office is unsettling; she’s way too tired.

Breathing out through pursed lips, Alison brings herself into the bedroom with her cell phone clasped in her palm. She rubs her eyelid and feels a headache coming on, making a face and throwing her phone onto the mattress while leaving the room to finish getting ready to sleep. Her apartment’s bathroom isn’t far, Alison slipping into the space and deciding to wash her face in hopes that it’ll keep the growing headache at bay. She stares at the mirror in the process, eyes trailing off to the side when her thoughts begin to wander again.

All thoughts point to Emily and how comfortable Alison, herself, felt when they were holding hands. She might have telepathically told the girl that she’s safe, but Alison is the one who felt okay with the gesture. No matter how upset she’s been for these past few days, disregarding what Emily’s done… she still cares, and that care is so deep that, like hours ago, she admits how much the brunette means to her in comparison to her job and whatever she was worried about before. Looking into the mirror, she decides that, when getting the chance to talk to Emily about everything, she’ll make it known how much she means to her and how work affects that.

Work may be her “livelihood,” like she had told Emily during their argument, but there are things far more worth fighting for, and that’s the girl, herself.

Alison rubs her lips together and inhales deeply, shutting the light off and walking back into her bedroom. She finishes darkening the room, crawling onto the mattress and destined to get comfortable for the night. In reality, however, her situating gets disrupted by her phone buzzing before it begins to ring, Alison tilting her head to the side and looking at Emily’s name written across her screen. Her lips part and eyes trail off to the side of the room, somewhat panicking because, honestly, why would the girl be calling her if she hadn’t really said a word to her all day? Nevertheless, she makes sure to answer before the call disappears, sliding her thumb against the bar and lifting the device to her ear as she sits atop her bed with her ankles underneath the covers.

“Is something wrong?”

As soon as the worried, creased-forehead “greeting” falls from her lips, she mentally slaps herself in the face for not sounding a bit more welcoming. Emily doesn’t seem to mind, on the other hand, because she gets out a low yet nervous  _ “No, no. I…” _ she hesitates, starting a new sentence,  _ “Everything’s…” _ an exhale is heard,  _ “okay.” _

Alison feels relieved, “Good. That’s… good.”

Emily doesn’t respond at first but Alison can tell she has something she wants to say, though the only thing she gets is an audibly awkward  _ “What are you doing?” _

“Getting into bed.”

_ “Oh…” _ she sounds let down,  _ “do you want me to let you sleep?” _

“No,” it’s quick and Alison hopes it sounds as light as she intended. “What about you? What’s going on?”

_ “Just lying down,” _ Emily whispers, a sigh following.  _ “Figured I should rest at least a little. Not to say I’ll be able to sleep.” _

She frowns and chews her inner cheek, deciding to continue getting comfortable. Her legs push beneath the comforter and she lies back, listening to Emily shift on the other line once she’s lying still. Alison licks her lips and cuddles up to her pillow, whispering, “Let me know if you need anything.”

Emily doesn’t say anything and Alison pictures her thinking hard about it, mouth opening as if she wants to say something without words actually coming out, so the blonde adds a caring yet adamant “And you don’t need to come into work tomorrow, either. I’ll get you another day off.”

The statement gets an immediate, tired  _ “No, Alison, it’s fine. I just need to get back to my normal routine,” _ but the girl notes that she doesn’t come off as overly annoyed, giving her a sympathetic smile even though it can’t be seen.

“No, not tomorrow,” her voice is kind and light, much like when a person is caring for another who’s sick in bed with a cold. 

_ “Ali…” _

“This isn’t me not wanting to see you, I promise,” she knows that’s what Emily’s thinking, putting a stop to those rampant worries because she realizes that the brunette is possibly feeling rejected. “This is me wanting you to sober up and get some rest,  _ alone _ , before coming back to work.”

It’s met with abrupt silence and Alison seals her lips, soon rubbing them together while her eyes dart around her dark bedroom because she honestly wonders if Emily is about to hang up due to the sudden confrontation about her Samara problem. 

_ “Y━you know… about…” _ Alison can practically hear Emily’s heart drop on the phone, words stuttered.

She sighs and raises her eyebrows, “I went to check on you after work on Friday because I was worried you hadn’t been in, and… she opened the door.”

The line goes silent again for a moment, Alison trying to find something to listen to but not hearing anything on Emily’s end. The brunette clears her throat and Alison can hear a faint  _ “I’m sorry”  _ for what feels like the thousandth time today. She doesn’t have time to tell the other girl anything she’s thinking, however, because Emily changes the subject within seconds ━ and maybe, for now, that’s their best move, mainly because no one wants to have a seemingly deep conversation over the phone. 

_ “I, um…”  _ she clears her throat another time,  _ “wanted to thank you for coming today. You didn’t have to do that.” _

“You needed me.”

_ “But you still didn’t have to, especially considering…” _ the sentence dies as soon as it came, fading until it’s gone. 

Alison licks her lips, muttering, “Yeah, I did,” in such a quiet voice that she’s not sure Emily heard, also supported by the following wave of silence that seems to appear time and time again nowadays.

Nearly a whole minute passes before Alison hears her name over the line, answering with a short, attentive hum while adjusting the phone against her ear.

_ “You don’t have to answer, but I…” _ Emily breathes hard, forcing the question out.  _ “Where do we stand?” _

She thinks for a moment, not expecting the question although it hardly stuns her. Waiting, she replies honestly with a careful “I don’t know” because it’s the truth; throughout this entire ordeal, she hasn’t given a large amount of thought to the idea of being with Emily again ━ not to say it doesn’t sound appealing.

Truly, Alison  _ wants  _ to give them a real chance since she doesn’t wholeheartedly consider those few days a solid try, but there’s still so much they have to talk about and, rightfully so, her trust is somewhat faltered right now. She’s sure Emily has her own issues with the idea, admittedly, and those have to be addressed in the same light. We’ll see what tomorrow brings, Alison internally decides, and the sound of Emily claiming, _ “I guess maybe that’s better than knowing,”  _ with a breathy, sadness-hidden chuckle following makes her come back to the phone call.

The words make Alison smile in a form of admiration yet understanding due to the brunette’s underlying pain about the subject and unknown decisions, knowing full well that Emily is only saying it to cover up her sting of hurt and self-loathing. Alison, making a mental note to keep things light for now because the girl’s obviously had some rough, recent days, changes her tone while snuggling further into her pillow, asking, “Are you sleepy?”

_ “A little bit.” _

“You’re lying.”

Another breathy laugh comes through the speaker,  _ “Okay, very.” _

Alison smiles again, this time fuller until she realizes that the butterflies in her stomach aren’t relaxing as much as they should be.

“You should sleep,” she forces the emotions down her throat.

_ “I don’t want to be alone,”  _ Emily confesses. _ “Not right now.” _

“I’ll stay on the phone with you,” although she wants to offer more and say she’ll visit for the night, Alison knows it won’t help either one of them, much like the time she hung out at the brunette’s apartment until after one in the morning when tensions were still extremely high, and admits it’s best if they come face to face when fully able to discuss everything.

Emily, not flat-out wanting to accept that she’s this broken, tries to deny that Alison has to stay on the line with her, but only gets as far as a drained  _ “You don’t━”  _ before cutting herself off, sighing, and muttering,  _ “Are you sure?”  _

“However I can help, Em.”

_ “Thank you,”  _ it’s soft and Alison wonders if she’s already starting to fall asleep, the girl’s voice sounding like she’s stretching or shifting her position in bed before there’s a sniffle over the line.

She chews her inner cheek, listening to Emily’s breathing become steady but, once Alison closes her eyes, she hears a struggling, broken _ “Ali, I can’t stop thinking about what I said to you the other day, and I’m sorry. I don’t know…”  _ her voice wavers repeatedly,  _ “I don’t know what happened to me, or why I even thought those things, or… why I said them.” _

“I don’t either, but… you did.”

_ “I really am sorry,”  _ a round of sniffling comes forward, the sound becoming muffled as if Emily pulled the phone from her mouth. _ “For everything,” _ the next words are exhaled.

“I know you are,” Alison thinks for a second or two longer. “We all have our demons.”

_ “I have to deal with mine,” _ it’s more tired than before.

“You do.”

_ “I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” _

“It doesn’t matter,” she responds kindly but firmly. “You have to, sooner or later.”

_ “What if I’m not strong enough?” _ Alison wonders if Emily is speaking through her sleep, voice low and sounding like she’s forcing it out.

“You’re not going to be strong enough if you keep asking that,” the insight comes with Alison’s knowing tone, also feeling tired as her eyes sting. “Just… do it. Be strong enough.”

No response.

“For me.”

Again, she believes Emily already fell asleep, only soft breathing coming through the speaker in the background of the call, but her assumption is derailed another time when a vulnerable voice informs,  _ “There’s so much I need to say to you,”  _ with obvious signs that she’s trying to stay awake regardless of what Alison told her to do.

“You can wait another day.”

_ “Will you still be here?” _

“For as long as you want me here.”

_ “I don’t deserve you.” _

Alison bites her lower lip and hears a faint, sleepy groan come from the speaker, grinning at the sound.

“The Emily I know does.”

She waits, only to hear the words  _ “Thank you”  _ come from Emily before, within seconds, she’s asleep, and Alison keeps her phone safe while allowing her own mind to drift off into slumber, feeling comfortable with staying on the phone with the brunette as she makes sure that she knows she’s okay, secure, and not alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think this chapter's ending phone call is sort of a tipping point in regards to what their relationship is going to become after this mess. Still, like before everything happened, Emily has a strong sense of self-annoyance and she's kicking herself for everything that's happened ━ not just revolving around Samara which we still haven’t heard about. This is what I meant when I said she needed a swift kick in the ass, and I know it's a little extreme to put her through this, but, honestly, it had to be done. Before, she was extremely blinded to her immaturity brought to life by her insecurities ━ almost to the point of not caring what she said and how those things hurt people ━ but now she (as corny as it sounds) sees the light. It's evident not only when she's talking to Alison while saying things including having to battle her own demons and admitting that she doesn't think she's strong enough. That's a big step, and we're workin' on it.
> 
> Additionally, she's caught apologizing (in full-blown tears) repeatedly to her friends because she acknowledges that she owes them so much after weeks of brushing them off and pretending she's okay. It's another thing we're working on, and they'll have a nice moment (albeit, in flashback form), and Toby will even have a one-on-one conversation with Emily because, out of all her friends, he's probably the most confused/hurt by her actions ━ as surprising as it may be since Hanna's been the prime target for a lot of Emily's attitude. Random note: We'll also get to see Emily lay her cards on the table in front of Alison's friends because, well, I don't know about you, but I think they deserve an explanation as to why she decided to hurt their friend, and I'm sure they want to know if it'll happen again.
> 
> On the other side of things, we have Alison's determination to make Emily feel safe again. Her response, “For as long as you want me here,” to Emily's “Will you still be here?” question is surprising yet not, at the same time. Alison's been through a lot ━ both with Emily and before she came into her life ━ and she knows what people need and in what form. Emily needs support and she knows that, and she's not saying she'll always be here in a romantic setting, but because she knows Emily needs all the help she can get in order to defeat these demons. Alison may have told her to own up to and live with her problems, but she didn't mean she's in this alone ━ even if she hadn't said that when she probably should've.
> 
> She's also questioning her “livelihood” ━ A.K.A., for as long as we can remember, work. I know some people may think, “Well, she shouldn't question her own happiness source on one person's account, especially after this happened,” and you're, without a doubt, right; Alison shouldn't think back and debate about altering what she's become accustomed to if it makes her happy. Those are the key words. Work, surely, makes her happy, however it's not her livelihood like she's tried to say, all this time; it's only something familiar and a safe place. Her career can't hurt her if she doesn't mess up, first, whereas a person can ━ and, judging from her past, she's had a heck of a horrible time with people in older instances, *cough, cough Elliott.* So, yes, there are better things worth fighting for: Emily ━ but of course there’s that underlying, “what the hell happened?” notion when it comes to Samara which you will definitely learn about next chapter. The FULL story. 
> 
> A final, small thing I want to address is Alison's drive to get to know Mr. Fields no matter where he is in the universe. She knows how important he's always been to Emily, and she always planned on meeting him to get to learn about his life for both Emily and herself. I think that's a very intimate thing to do in regards to her relationship with Emily, because the girl is important to her and, in turn, she wanted her to have a connected life.
> 
> Alrighty, it's time for me to stop talking for this update. Next time I come back, we'll get a massive, anticipated heart-to-heart between Emison, and it'll answer a lot of your questions ━ some that'll make your heart sink a little because it's pretty emotional ━ including the ones revolving around if she cheated with Samara. In fact, chapter sixteen is where the slight “trigger warnings” come into play, bringing up heavy dialogue and memories that can make people feel uneasy, so plan accordingly and look out for yourself, first and foremost.
> 
> Until then, I hope you’re all feeling moderately okay with how things are unfolding (whether you have questions or not), and I wish you the happiest, next few days, as I’ll be trying to enjoy my time.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wait… is over…
> 
> Because this chapter is so lengthy, my author’s note is going to be a book’s worth, so… I will warn you about that (like last update), even though I said I wouldn’t be anymore.
> 
> Before we start, however, I want to re-warn everyone that this chapter, in particular, will get heavy, so take care of yourselves throughout it. It was emotional to write even though I knew what I’d be focusing on, so I can’t really imagine how reading it will feel, but still. Always put yourself first. 
> 
> Also, comfort food is a must.

Emily’s padded fists smash into the bag repeatedly, not being as full of life compared to her normal energy when boxing with one of her good friends. He’s noticed and his eyes are full of concern, though there’s a definitive, knowing tint to the way he looks at her because she’s clearly not into this session even if she hasn’t said a word about stopping or even made a mere hint that she’s not in the mood. In fact, it’s quite the opposite, and her body language and overall attitude provides a sense of willingness to improve what she’s lost over the course of however-many days, wanting to make up for her lack of productivity.

The thing lingering most in the brunette’s mind is that Alison told her to rest and, since she’s royally fucked up with the girl _repeatedly_ , something in her head stresses that she should be in bed to follow orders. It’s not like she’s ever been the most stay-still type of person, though, and Alison should know/understand that ━ but, then again, Emily owes her a slip or two and _should_ be groveling at her feet.

She knows it, and no one’s going to convince her otherwise ━ heck, she doesn’t think anyone _would_ try to change her mind on that subject.

Another thing poking around in the confines of her brain is that Alison actually stayed on the phone throughout the night and hung up approximately an hour before Emily awoke, only to look at her screen and see two, sweet text messages:

_“I’m leaving for work now. Sleep well.”_

_“Message me if you need anything.”_

Her lips curved into a guilty grin, not wanting to feel such happiness toward the simple gestures but also not being able to help herself because, after everything, Alison still cares even though she probably shouldn’t. If Emily was in her place, she’d be… well, she has no idea. Even if they haven’t talked about anything and there’s so much that the blonde isn’t aware of, nothing changes the fact that Emily fucked up and she’s all too aware. Scratch that, she _deserves_ to be aware, and has to own up to what’s happened.

Either way, she sent a couple of texts back, and a short conversation ensued as fast as it ended.

 **_E_ ** _━ “Thanks for staying on the phone with me.”_

 **_E_ ** _━ “Helped me sleep.”_

She watched Alison begin to type, those three, menacing bubbles moving along until they stopped. Emily’s eyebrows furrowed and, at the time, she wondered if the blonde wasn’t going to send a response, after all ━ until she did, but it wasn’t anything she could capitalize on.

 **_A_ ** _━ “Good.”_

Realizing that Alison likely didn’t feel like talking because, hell, every memory was still fresh in the minds of both girls, Emily dropped the conversation and kept to herself for the rest of her time at home, leading up to messaging Toby and asking if he’d be free at some point during the day. Much to her luck (though she thinks she shouldn’t be rewarded with such a concept), Toby asked her to come down to the training center around 1 P.M., bringing her to what she’s doing now.

Emily stops smacking the bag as her swings weaken, hands steadying against the dense material and leaving it to hang still. She bows her head and Toby uncrosses his arms from where he stands only feet away, approaching and seeing Emily side-eye him with an apologetic, ready-to-be-lectured stance.

“Come on,” he nods toward a bench at the far side of the echoing room. “We need to talk.”

“Because that’s something everyone wants to hear,” Emily breathes out through what sounds like a mutter, Toby actually giving her a sad, half-assed chuckle and following her once she begins to walk over to the bench to sit down.

She lays her hands upon her knees once her gloves are tucked at the side of her hip on the seat next to her, fiddling with her sweaty fingers as Toby perches himself two feet away. He turns his head to look at her.

“How are you holding up?”

Her eyes bore into the floor beneath her feet, “Um…” and her response stops there.

“We were all worried, you know,” his voice sounds more quizzical than informative. “Alison, especially.”

He can vaguely see her turn to him in the slightest way, the only, missing motion being the raising of her ears like a wounded puppy.

She knows Alison was concerned ━ _is_ concerned ━ but the mere mention of the girl sends her stomach and heart spiraling together into some, forbidden place clouded with regrets, guilt, and nausea. If her ignorance toward Alison and what took place with Samara didn’t stain their now-stagnant relationship, her own woes and self-loathing sure as hell won’t let her forget what happened anytime soon.

“Why’d you do it?” Toby asks, not sounding judgmental but genuinely curious.

“You’re going to have to be a little more specific,” Emily bows her head again.

“Em━”

“I’m serious,” her voice cracks, tears welling up in her eyes when she turns to him.

“ _Everything_ ,” it comes through a jab of stress. “Em, why didn’t you tell anyone about your dad? Were you _going_ to tell us?”

Truly, he knows it’s a bit selfish to put such a huge weight on the brunette for not mentioning it, especially because her closeness with her father had been cut short and, quite frankly, who would think about _anything_ during tough times like that? The problem is that he had a relationship with the man, too, one much like a father-son companionship that he never got to have with his own, biological dad, and he’s curious to know if and why Emily would keep him from knowing about Mr. Fields’ passing, no matter how damaged she was from the get-go.

She brings her hands up to her face and rubs both of her eye sockets, grunting before exhaling, “I don’t know if I was going to, honestly.”

Straightening her back out, Emily stares off in front of them, “I know you want me to say that I would’ve, but I truly have no idea. I wanted to,” she turns to him, “but something… it held me back, and… I felt catatonic, and lost, and… not… _right_.”

A deep breath is taken, “I can barely remember anything after I found out aside from…”

Toby sees her jaw clench as she swallows hard and her distress is evident. He correctly takes it that she’s hinting at Samara, getting the news from Hanna but also knowing what happened with Alison.

“You should talk to her.”

Emily looks at him with a face that swells with nervousness yet acceptance, lips parted with her features growing pale because she’s not sure if she’ll be able to handle it although it’s imperative that she at least makes an effort to discuss what’s going on. Toby smiles sadly, clearing his throat and taking a breath while muttering, “She’s strong. I’ll give her that.”

The brunette lowers her chin, “She shouldn’t have to be. Not when it comes to our relationsh━” she shakes her head with slammed-shut eyes, “ _whatever_ we are.”

“I’m not going to disagree with you, Em,” he stares into her temple. “You fucked up.”

“I know,” internally, she admires his brutal honesty and inability to sugarcoat his thoughts.

“But you have to fix it.”

She warily looks at him again, licking her bottom lip to feel the chewed-off skin beneath the tip of her tongue and a metallic taste. Her father’s words rattle around in her head, much like they had following her Wednesday argument with Alison, right before she received the phone call that’d break her in half. The thought makes tears spring back into her eyes, blurring her vision with a few spots of water dribbling down her cheek. Toby doesn’t comment, feeling sorry for his best friend but only breathing out since there’s not much he can do.

Her abrupt session of crying doesn’t last long. In fact, it only takes three more tears to stop, Emily sniffling hard and clearing her throat. She shakes her head once, trying to pull herself together with the internal debate firing within her stomach because it’s time to make some decisions and confront her own issues.

“Does, um,” the brunette wipes her eyes using the heels of her palms, settling in a slouched position after, “Spencer hate me? For what I did to Alison, I mean.”

Some part of her wonders if Toby told her, but that’s run over when she realizes that, if he hadn’t, Alison likely did.

“No,” he shrugs one shoulder, voice light, “she’s surprisingly very understanding and that’s what I like about her.”

Emily gives a curt half-smile, the expression dropping instantly.

Toby explains, “She’s pissed that you hurt her best friend who’s already been through hell, but I can’t blame her for that.”

She nods, giving him the green light to continue with a softer attitude, “Alison’s friends know you’re struggling, Em. They know what happened to your father and it’s easy to fall back into old habits when you’re pushed there. Not to say they’d accept it if it happened again, and I think that’s _more_ than fair.”

The conviction in his statement makes her clench her jaw, wondering why anyone’s trying to defend her, in the first place.

“They just…” he makes a face. “They want to be able to trust you with Alison’s heart. She’s just as fragile as you are.”

“Maybe they shouldn’t,” Emily looks at him, all joking aside and no malice in her words while it’s replaced with exhaustion and self-unsurety.

“I don’t think you believe that,” his insight is deafening, the brunette flaring her nostrils and facing the front of the room. “Emily, you know you’re better than this. You know you can treat her right, so why are you trying to push everyone’s confidence away?”

“Because look what happened,” now, the dark comedy returns and Emily breathes out a chuckle, seeming beyond dumbfounded. “Look at what I did to her. Look at yourself and what happened when I messed up because I didn’t have the balls to tell you about my dad.”

“There’s a difference between not having the balls to do something, and not having the stomach to,” Toby doesn’t blink, eyebrows raised before they lower. “You’re not a bad person.”

Her eyes drift to the floor, falling silent.

“Alison believes in you,” it comes with a frown, trying to get his words across. “She believes in you so much that she’s willing to defend you against her friends. She sees something in you.”

A tear falls into her lap.

He sees that his words are breaking her resolve, finishing with a quiet “Isn’t that enough to make you want to live up to what she thinks of you?”

She takes a moment, letting his wisdom sink in. Alison is worth everything and that’s the harsh truth, but Emily really thinks the girl deserves better ━ or maybe she, herself, just deserves less.

_“I don’t deserve you.”_

_“The Emily I know does.”_

Her throat tightens up, wishing she could trust herself on Alison’s behalf; confidence struggles to come easily, Emily’s hands shaking while she leans her head down and stares at the floor like it’s speaking to her.

“I don’t want to hurt her again when I fail,” she feels herself whispering before she can fully think, Toby nodding a fraction.

“Do you remember what I said on the night that you first told me about some mystery girl troubling you?”

No response.

“I said that, if you’re dedicated and she can see that you’re trying, she’ll stick by you,” he recalls. “Your past fuck-ups and _I’m sorry_ ’s won’t ruin what you’re willing to build with her.”

Emily bites her inner cheek, listening to a pleading “As long as you _try_.”

“How can someone overlook what I did? What I already put her through?” she disagrees. “I can’t… I don’t understand why she’s giving me the time of day. I don’t get why _any_ of you are.”

Toby waits for her to finish, Emily muttering, “I’ve been such a horrible friend to everyone. I’ve been a terrible and _unlovable_ person. I…” her mouth opens and closes, forehead creased.

“I won’t pretend I’m okay and you know that,” he shakes his head. “I wish you came to me with a lot more than you have without needing to pry information out of you or hearing it from Hanna,” his lips purse, “but you need us. All of us. Anyone can see that.”

They stare at one another, Toby giving her a sad smile, “You also need yourself.”

Her lips part and the words’ heaviness weighs down on her chest. She straightens her back and takes a breath while staring off in front of them in a mindless nature.

He’s right and she knows it. About everything, really. She’s lucky to have him.

“Thank you,” Emily manages to give him a small, broken yet improving grin, being genuine and raw. “Just… thank you for… being you, and helping me even though _you’re_ not okay.”

Toby matches her apprehensive gratitude, smiling until they both look away from one another and Emily sighs, “I have a lot of things to think about. I should probably get going.”

“Okay,” it’s light and they stand up, Emily not hesitating to hug her friend heavily even though they very rarely embrace on random occasions.

When they pull away, he gives her a firm nod, signaling that she should go and follow through on whatever her mind’s telling her to do. Emily gives him a mildly scared, “I don’t wanna do this” type of look, answered with him raising his eyebrows and verbally stating with a low voice, “No turning back now.”

Her eyes widen in an agreeing manner, finally turning around with her bag slung over her shoulder as she drags her body out of the training center. Step by step, her legs feel weighed down and her stomach swirls when playing through each possibility regarding the angst surrounding her impending self-improvements, but she dips her head before raising her chin a bit once she places her feet on the sidewalk. Emily glances upward, noting the sky’s forming, thick and grey clouds, ultimately wondering if they’re here to make her piss her pants with nerves, as well. She shakes her head, ready to move on with her day and hopefully continue making amends when it comes to those she hurt.

 

X X X

 

Alison leans back against the headrest of her seat, hands still clasped on the wheel of her parked car, situated just in front of Emily’s apartment complex. She takes steady breaths, not exactly prepared for whatever she’s about to hear and/or say to the brunette. The visit is inevitable, however, considering that her heart both fluttered and dropped once receiving an abrupt, out-of-nowhere text, followed by another that sounded a little desperate:

_“Can you come over?”_

_“I need you.”_

She so-adamantly told the girl to let her know if she needed anything, and there’s no doubt that’s the reason why Emily was using those specific words. It got some hesitation out of the blonde, not because she didn’t want to be there for the girl but because she was scared of what a trip to her apartment would entail. Would there be yelling? Silence? Comfort? More disagreements like when they initially argued? It was all so overwhelming, and the weather was _so_ not adding to her sense of security (or lack thereof) since it’s nearing nine o’clock, the sky is black, and storms surround the city. A bit of thunder rolls through right as she glances up toward the sky through her windshield, looking pained by the idea of being trapped in a tension-infused situation with Emily.

The idea of the brunette being alone on a night like this also bothers her, to be honest, so it’s a severe, lose-lose situation and Alison rolls her eyes at her own heightened care.

_Alison glances at her phone which rests on the counter nearby, Emily still snoozing away on the other line. She rubs her lips together once her last bite of breakfast bar is finished, walking over to the device and wondering if she should hang up or simply stay on the call throughout work. Her mouth flattens into a straight line and she breathes out in the process, making a weird noise and still debating with herself. Alison doesn’t even want to go to work; quite frankly, she wishes she could crawl back into bed and remain on the phone for a while longer, hoping to actually wake up with Emily already doing whatever on her end, but the entire reason they’ve been in this back-and-forth limbo for the longest time is because her career has a seat at the top of her priority pile._

_She makes a face, clearly upset with herself because, God, what has she been thinking? A job is worth a lot ━ one that she loves, yeah ━ but Emily is… she’s special. She’s something ━ someone ━ that can comfort Alison when a career can’t, and hold her when she’s upset, and keep her warm during the winter, and everything that a stupid job can’t do. They’re both important in different ways, but certainly not one more than the other and she shouldn’t feel the need to choose._

_And even if it’s not her job that’s holding her back from being less frantic… she has to get over Elliott, too. His words, his doings… they’re in the past. If Alison can’t get over her past issues and regrets, how can she expect Emily to?_

_She hears a rustle on the other line, wondering if Emily is awake, but, when soft snoring comes through the speaker, she only smiles and bites her lower lip. It’s time to go, she pushes herself away from the other side of the counter with a sigh, grabbing her phone and reluctantly ending the call after three seconds of heavy indecision. She doesn’t want Emily to wake up with nothing but a blank phone, however, so she immediately enters her iMessage screen and types out a pair of messages, hoping that a regretful “I have to go to work now. Sleep well” and a caring “Message me if you need anything” are enough to hold onto for the space of her morning._

Alison remembers waiting for a response throughout the day, not really knowing why her eyes kept darting to her phone because she specifically told Emily to get some rest and, truly, it’s not like they were on the smoothest terms. She couldn’t help herself and nearly sent another text to the brunette, though she was surprised to see typing bubbles on her screen when she entered the app. Eyes widened, she waited a moment and relaxed her shoulders while sitting at her desk, peering up into the mainspace of the floor to see Aria looming over Hanna’s office space with some conversation being shared. She wondered if they had spoken more to Emily, recalling how broken the brunette spoke as she was collapsed into their arms with repetitive _I’m sorry_ ’s coming from her muffled mouth. Alison also wondered if those words drilled into them like they did her, but she never asked.

 **_E_ ** _━ “Thanks for staying on the phone with me.”_

 **_E_ ** _━ “Helped me sleep.”_

She grinned a little at the messages, Emily’s soft snoring ingrained into her memory from both this morning and the nights they shared together in the brunette’s welcoming bed, and her thumbs jumped quick to type out “Helped me too,” but, as soon as she realized that it probably wouldn’t be her best move since her heart was still tender from the prior day, she backspaced until it was gone.

 **_A_ ** _━ “Good.”_

Her heart screamed at her for being so dull, for not speaking what she really felt, and for “playing hard to get,” but her mind poked at every strong emotion and fought back. She knew she had a right to be hurt and angry to whatever extent her heart and mind would both allow, but it was still… _draining_ ; Alison didn’t want to be upset with Emily and she didn’t want to ride on this clusterfuck of sadness anymore, but they had to fix things first ━ or at least try.

It makes her take a deep breath and mutter a quiet “Okay” to herself, unbuckling her seatbelt and opening the car door so she can slip out and stand on damp pavement. It’s beginning to rain harder than before, another segment of storm threatening to wash away every grain of sand on the sidewalk, and Alison runs to the door of Emily’s apartment complex. She misses the handle of the door twice, not paying much attention even though she’s sure her shaking hands didn’t help, but the room is dry and she’s quickly out of the rain.

The apartment smells the same as it had each time she visited, though, with the remnants of Samara’s face still etched into her memory, it comes with a bitterness and heavy sadness. Alison trudges forward and moves to the stairwell, climbing the steps with her sweatpants clung to her legs while the waistband is rolled twice to keep them from slinking down her thighs. Her shirt is damp from the rain, not to say very, and water droplets are visible on the heathered-grey material.

Her mind drifts in and out as she continues up the stairs, nearly reaching Emily’s floor when she hears the rain pick up outside, followed by a roll of thunder that makes the ceiling lights flicker. It makes her raise her eyebrows, softly shaking her head as soon as her foot’s stepping onto the landing of Emily’s floor. She pushes the door open, flashing back to when she arrived to check up on the girl and only came face to face with someone she never wants to see again, and her throat tightens while her fingers wring in front of her body. Her fist knocks on Emily’s door after a wave of hesitancy, face fallen into a flat, expressionless mask that doesn’t morph once she’s looking into brown, sunken-in eyes ━ okay, maybe it does a little.

Alison gives her a mellow, half-grin, Emily trying to match it with something a little more genuine even though the blonde can tell her breath is caught in her throat because it looks like she’s going to pass out now that they’re in the same room. Their last meet-up in this place didn’t go so smoothly, so perhaps the reminder is a tad unnerving.

Without a word, the blonde steps over the threshold and Emily locks the door behind them, closing their bodies into the space even though she second-guesses herself and wonders if she should undo the latch in case Alison needs a quick escape. Alison, herself, doesn’t seem to pay any attention to it, however, and instead only walks over to the couch to plop herself onto the rightmost cushion with her spine pressed against the arm of the piece of furniture.

Emily follows for a couple of steps, hearing another boom of thunder accompanied by deep flashes outside the window, and she’s about to sit down when everything in her apartment flickers. She looks around the space with lips parted and nothing coming out, reluctantly wandering over to a cabinet beneath her TV and finding a few candles to light. She places them on the coffee table in front of the couch as Alison watches her every move, occasionally staring at the brunette’s features as if she’s assessing her intentions, and Emily feels the wonder so she mutters, “I promise I’m not trying to be romantic,” while lighting the two pillars.

It gets a small, caught-off-guard laugh from Alison, looking away as Emily sheepishly smiles at her own comment even though the expression doesn’t reach her eyes.

At first, Alison readies herself for Emily to sit next to her so they can talk about whatever through this awkward atmosphere that’s thickened, but the brunette gives the cushion one, dreadful look-over and visibly swallows whatever thought that worked it’s way through her windpipe, threatening to clench it until she can’t breathe or think anymore. She shakes her head and walks away, Alison frowning severely as her eyes follow the girl who’s now in the kitchen and pulling out two glasses.

“Do you want anything?” she asks, only peering up at Alison through the tops of her eyelids while her chin is bowed to the counter.

“No thanks.”

Emily nods, filling two glasses with water despite her guest’s answer. She shuffles over to where Alison sits, placing them on the coffee table while away from the burning candles. Taking another look at the couch, she seals her lips, getting ready to sit down when the power fully shuts off. Both of them look around, Emily wondering if her apartment’s back-up generator has been inspected recently but knowing it hasn’t because her landlord is a piece of crap who doesn’t spend money on anything necessary. She rolls her eyes, finally forcing herself to get situated across from Alison but not being able to do it comfortably.

“Did you rest today?” Alison is first to break the awkward air, looking straight ahead at Emily as her arms wrap around her knees in a form of defense.

“A little,” Emily admits. “I went to see Toby around one o’clock. I needed to wear myself out a bit.”

The blonde nods, hearing an additional “But I did after, if that… means anything.”

She can tell Emily is trying to stay on her good side by the way she jumps to piggy-back that statement onto the original, giving her a smile that’s enough to invite a new wave of silence into the room.

Emily looks around the dark space illuminated by only two candles so their muted shadows are fuzzy against the opposite wall. The sight makes her smile a bit childish, ducking her head as Alison squints in a form of silent question. Brown eyes glance up to meet blue for a split second, knowing she’s been caught, and her mouth opens before closing to clear her throat.

“My dad and I used to build forts during power-outages,” she explains with a sense of longing in her voice. “When he was home, that is. He taught me that I could still be comforted during scary situations. We’d…” she licks her lips, eyes trailing to the floor while smiling and shrugging one shoulder, “get a bunch of blankets and drape them over the living room furniture, then we’d crawl inside and use our hands to make shadow puppets with a flashlight.”

Alison smiles, thinking about the time she told herself she’d someday get to know of Emily’s memories with her father without pushing her to do so. It makes her heart flutter ━ the thought of knowing the brunette trusts her with this childhood information ━ and the softness remains on her face as she tilts her head to listen.

“Even when he wasn’t home and we had storms… I’d do the same,” Emily thinks back on each time she’d build her own forts with precision, sometimes dragging a portable DVD player into the “tent” to watch whatever she could in order to distract herself from the loud noises and bright flashing outside.

“Do you want me to make one with you?” it’s both serious and playful, Alison giving her room to reject the offer without being offended by it.

She chuckles, “I only made them when I wanted to feel safe.”

Her response is beyond cryptic, Alison wondering if she means that she already feels safe without having a fort to hide in, or something she’s totally missing. It makes her nod absentmindedly, Emily growing silent. Before she can sink too far into her memories without speaking her mind, however, Alison tilts her head to the side.

“Will you share another memory with me?” her tone is so shy and small that Emily almost misses it, eyes snapping up to meet pleading, cautious blue.

Emily purses her lips and keeps her features kind, thinking to herself for a moment. She searches her past and flashes through instances when she can recall his smile and voice, missing him more and more by the second, and her heart aches while trying to think of something to tell Alison. The other girl waits patiently, noticing her struggle but not wanting to backtrack because a large part of her instructs her to give Emily some space and time; it’s hard, and that’s understandable.

“We used to have this thing we’d do. A little tradition, I guess you could call it,” her voice is raspy so she clears her throat, sounding like she’s trying not to cry. “We’d walk to this park that’s close to my house back in Ridgefield, usually around sunset… and there’s a few sets of bleachers surrounding an old, weed-covered baseball diamond.”

Alison sees a lone tear fall from Emily’s eye as she tries to make it seem like nothing’s happening, not even flinching when the drop splashes against the skin of her arm as it’s folded in her lap. She shifts to mimic the brunette’s position atop the cushion, crossing her legs and folding her arms across her stomach as her elbows dig into her thighs. Emily clears her throat once more, voice wavering when she continues the story.

“Our spot was always the set of bleachers closest to the furthest corner of the park, and we’d climb to the top to just… _talk_ ,” she sniffles once. “About anything and everything. Just him and I.”

“Your mom never went?” she’s careful with her questions, not wanting to dig too far as more lightning flashes beyond the windows and seeps into the apartment.

“No,” Emily smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes, “she never wanted to interrupt. She knew that was our thing and respected it.”

Alison understands, nodding before bowing her head as Emily begins to break down more without giving away her true feelings, trying to keep herself strong in front of the blonde because she had planned on straying away from the aching in her own chest in order to focus on the girl who deserves a thousand apologies and far more. Realistically, she can’t stop her eyes from fogging up, and it worsens when she hears Alison say, “I’m sorry.”

Emily looks up, wanting to shake her head and protest that she doesn’t deserve to hear that, but maybe Toby’s right: she needs to realize that she _is_ worthy of some things, and it doesn’t help anyone to be pushed away solely because she doesn’t trust herself. A boom of thunder shakes the apartment, a flash of light illuminating the tears on the brunette’s cheeks.

“He passed away on Wednesday,” is the next thing to fall from Emily’s lips, the timing stunning Alison as her mouth opens and eyes drift away. “I couldn’t…” she chokes up.

A sharp breath is taken, “It felt like everything in my life collapsed, all at once. After you walked out, and I’m not blaming you,” Emily is quick to defend, eyes pink and glossy when she looks up, “everything I knew just…”

Alison pays attention, mouth settled into what looks like a grimace crossed with a frown, also interrupted by an expressionless undertone because, fuck, even though she had his memorium card between her fingers a lone day ago, she hadn’t paid an ounce of attention to his passing date when she really should’ve. God, she had no idea…

“I was furious,” the brunette confesses. “I felt broken and abandoned and I knew it was my own fault for pointing fingers at you.”

Across from her, the other girl bites her lower lip, wanting to protest but also not having the stomach to interrupt her since it sounds as if Emily needs to get this out. At the silence, the brunette carries on with sudden disdain evident in her words and furrowed eyebrows accompanied by a clenching jaw, but Alison can tell it’s at herself.

“I remembered what my dad had told me when he called over a week ago. He said I’d never mess up to the point of not being able to fix whatever’s been done,” she bows her head, shaking in disagreement. “It didn’t feel that way,” she lifts her chin and flares her nostrils for a moment.

“When you left, I thought that was it,” she gives Alison a sad smile and a dark laugh as she turns away. “I’d have to deal with the disdain at work and sulk in alcohol whenever I’d get home. I thought we were done, and maybe we really are,” the girl chokes up and it’s audible, Alison’s eyes watering with her lower lip quivering.

Emily takes a second to breathe, “So, I felt myself breaking down more, and I told myself that, if my dad was sitting in the room with me, I’d call him out for being a liar.”

She shakes her head and struggles, face morphing in a sense of irritation and pain as she semi-hides her face for a second while arms tighten against her stomach.

“He didn’t understand how badly I could mess up. He always thought the best of me when he probably shouldn’t have,” tears stream down her cheeks. “He didn’t know his daughter.”

A single tear falls from Alison’s eye, particularly because she sees the self-hate written across Emily’s features and wants to stroke it away with gentle, caring fingertips and warmth that’s intoxicating.

“And then my thoughts were broken up by a phone call from my mom,” the brunette looks toward the ceiling for a moment, water bundled in the bottoms of her eyes. “Suddenly, I had messed up far more than I could've imagined. I felt like I killed my dad with every mean thing I had thought in that moment, just because I was pissed at myself. Like something in the universe snapped and said, ‘Fine, you want to blame him for your mistakes? You need to be taught a lesson,’” she ends with a wavering quote, throat shaking and she has to stop in order to collect herself.

Alison wipes her own tears, chewing her lower lip.

“Looking back, I know it’s not possible for that to have been karma because he was already gone for an hour before I got the call, but I can’t stop myself from thinking it,” Emily explains through somberness. “The world works in strange ways.”

Blue eyes stare into her evading gaze with sympathy, the blonde now frowning severely as more thunder and lightning returns.

“I don’t even remember speaking on the phone with my mom,” the next admission is quiet, Emily playing with her fingers. “When she told me… I don’t know. I felt like collapsing, and that’s all.”

Emily licks her bottom lip, “And then I fought with her before the wake. She told me that Dad had been injured during a drill, but it wasn’t severe… so they didn’t want to worry me.”

Alison makes a sad face, eyes drifting to Emily’s fingers.

“He was supposed to make a full recovery, but his heart gave out during one of the following nights, and… that was it,” her eyes sting and she blinks hard. “I couldn’t…” she sighs, “I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone. I couldn’t push myself to go to you, and… something kept telling me I didn’t deserve that comfort. Not after the things I said to you.”

“How could you possibly think that?” it’s more broken than angry, Alison’s cheeks stained with tears. “How… after…” she’s at a loss for words, ducking her head.

“I want to give you an answer, but I can’t,” Emily says. “I want to tell you that I knew you’d be there for me, but I still don’t think…”

Alison waits, Emily’s breathing picking up like she’s starting to hyperventilate. A rumble of thunder comes over the apartment, seemingly somehow calming the brunette for the time being.

“I don’t even remember calling…” Emily grits her teeth and rubs her nose, slapping her hand back into place afterwards. “I knew I shouldn’t have called her. I…” she shakily breathes out, eyes shimmering again.

The other girl furrows her eyebrows, trying to figure out what she’s attempting to say. Emily looks pained and scared, fingers in her lap tangled. It starts to worry Alison, so much that her demeanor fully softens and she tilts her head to the side so she can look into Emily’s eyes as her chin is tilted downward while staring at the cushion between them like it’s speaking to her.

“I didn’t want anything to happen between us,” the confession wavers and cracks, being low and hollow. “I called her over just to talk. I told her I wanted to talk and… be heard without…” she continues to struggle, Alison wanting to reach out and hold her hands.

Her hatred for this Samara girl has shot up from an eight to a hundred.

“She took out some of my alcohol and told me it’d be okay,” Emily recalls. “I knew it wouldn’t be, but hearing those words made me want to believe that it would.”

Alison swears Emily hasn’t blinked for two minutes, brown eyes drying out as they stare at the space between where they sit.

She bites her inner cheek, “It quickly became familiar. Her visiting, I mean,” her voice trails off. “I tried to talk, but she didn’t want to, and… I moved away a few times. Here.”

The blonde’s eyes lower to the couch they’re on, having to take a deep breath.

“I eventually stopped fighting back when she kept trying to kiss me,” Emily gives her a regretful but sad shrug. “I didn’t have the energy, and I figured, in a way, I━”

“Don’t you dare say you deserved it,” the warning is strong and the other girl gives her a solid, single nod that’s more so obeying than agreeing, three more teardrops escaping as Alison cries similarly.

“Em, why didn’t you tell me?” Alison sounds desperate, mouth hanging open. “That’s…” she struggles, not wanting to use such a lone, scary word that puts this piece of reality into perspective. “If you didn’t…”

“I didn’t tell you because it doesn’t change anything, Ali,” they lock eyes, both shattered. “I still fucked up,” she gives her an empty laugh. “I invited her over even though I knew she’d probably…”

Emily swallows hard, “And it’s not like I pushed her away as much as I should have. I still let her in,” she whispers and her voice breaks in the middle. “I knew it would hurt you, but I… for a moment…”

Alison feels herself snapping, going out of her way to make it come out less irritated and more begging.

“Why are you looking to blame yourself for this?”

“Why are you trying to make me look innocent?”

“Because this isn’t you,” she cries out without any tears accompanying, “and the girl who invited Samara over was a desperate, hurt person who fell back into old habits like a _normal human_ ,” the final words are stressed individually. “Samara took advantage of that, whether or not you let her do it.”

A breath is taken, Alison gritting her teeth and finishing, “Even if you think I _should_ , I’d _never_ blame you for something you didn’t consent to.”

Emily seems reluctant to listen, shaking her head heavily with sad laughs that turn into a quivering lip and a wave of tears, mouth opening and closing with initially no words tumbling out.

“I hurt you,” when they finally do, she breaks heavily with a deep, throaty crack making the end of her statement silent, and the other girl wants to wrap her arms around Emily while saying it’ll be okay ━ _they’ll_ be okay.

“I’m not going to say it doesn’t sting,” Alison chooses to be blunt and rawly honest, “but the only things hurting me right now are knowing you felt that you couldn’t come to me after an argument, and the fact that you think I’m going to leave you alone to deal with this,” she sounds like she’s stressing her words, needing to get her point across.

The other girl cleans her own cheeks as her guest continues, “Was I upset when we argued? Yes, especially because of what you said, and I’m sure I hurt you too. Did I hate coming here to find Samara answering your door? Like you can’t imagine.”

Alison tilts her head to the side and whispers, “Are either of those going to stop me from caring for you when you clearly need it? Not a chance, and I don’t _want_ them to stop me.”

Emily looks at her, eyes red and swollen a bit. Alison frowns, gingerly reaching for both of the brunette’s hands so she can loosely entwine their fingers in a form of subtle comfort. The gesture catches Emily off-guard, more so because she thinks Alison is being way too gentle with her after the things she’s done, but it lights a raging debate within her mind because a part of her _does_ understand that what happened with Samara wasn’t entirely her fault, but she stands by the notion that she should’ve handled what took place beforehand more maturely.

She feels thumbs glide against the skin of her hands, Alison looking down at their tangled fingers as they lie on the cushion between their crossed legs, and finishes her explanation with a timid “I’m here because I want to be, and because you mean something to me… no matter what we’ve gone through or _will_ go through.”

No response follows, Emily stuck in a pit of self-loathing even though Alison makes repeated attempts to climb down into the well and save her ━ just like Hanna had requested.

“Please believe me,” she tries again, voice mimicking the brunette’s broken tone from minutes ago.

Brown eyes meet hers, struggling to remain locked because it hurts so damn much even though she’s attempting to push herself into accepting the girl’s words; it’s not that she wants to upset Alison, but it’s difficult to bury the idea that she’ll mess up again, so it’s easy to blame herself and just… move on.

“I meant it when I said I want you to make me feel,” Alison gives her a careful, prodding reminder, eyes boring into Emily’s forehead as her fingers trace the girl’s shaking, tear-stained hands, “but I forgot to tell you that I only want it if you let me make you feel just as much.”

When Emily lifts her chin again, it visibly looks like she’s struggling ━ but trying, nonetheless. Alison’s heart pounds in her chest, knowing these are the types of risks that she’s willing to take even though they’re so, _so_ new to her ━ albeit they’re far beyond worth it. She can see the brunette sucked into a mental argument, torn between giving into Alison and continuing life with this disdain toward herself.

“Please, Em,” her words sink below a whisper, “I’m not going to leave you to deal with these feelings on your own, I promise.”

For the first time in a while, Emily bites her inner cheek and appears as though she’s going to say something, successfully coming out with a cautious “What if I can’t trust myself?”

The other girl understands her apprehension and, honestly, she feels it just the same. Truthfully, she didn’t even think she’d be speaking to Emily so quietly with care and fragility during tonight’s encounter, but can’t help feeling drawn to the girl who admittedly has such a huge hold on her. Alison frankly wants to forget what’s happened, and maybe people will judge or question her for that decision, but she can tell that the girl in front of her is the shell of the bubbly Emily she… _loves_ , and she was serious when saying that the person who invited Samara over was broken and desperate for something ━ maybe even something she, herself, couldn’t provide.

In the end, Alison licks her lips in thought, keeping her words steady and convictive.

“Then I’ll trust you enough for the both of us,” her words strike a feeling within Emily, watching brown eyes sparkle with something in addition to fresh tears, “and, if it happens again, that’ll be on my shoulders.”

The responsibility resonates within Alison, wanting to nod at herself for speaking what she truly feels and not looking back on the decision she’s made. Although there’s the potential for more arguments, further heartbreak, and future questions, Alison prides herself on the choice she’s made, and perhaps that’s all that matters, in the end. She’s proud of herself for being this steady and strong in the face of what looked to be a major mess mere days ago, a tiny smile crossing her lips as Emily stares at her with nothing more being said.

Their fingers continue to be left tangled together, Alison’s eyes floating down to them while giving Emily some time to let the words speak to her deeper than her actual voice could. It makes her heart ache knowing how much the girl’s struggling after having such a rough week, but, similar to the storm clearing outside, it’ll lessen and they’ll be happy again ━ hopefully together. There’s still some shit to work through, and Alison’s positive this conversation isn’t over just yet because she can see the way Emily keeps looking at her with nervousness and struggle accompanied by a sense of relief, but the progress they’ve made tonight is uplifting.

They both hear the building’s power come back on, Emily’s cable box doing something funny with the digital numbers, but the living room’s overhead lights don’t return on their own accord, needing the switch to be flicked upward. The darkness and faint candle lighting is soft enough to contribute to their feelings, however, so Emily doesn’t jump to run over to the wall and brighten the room, simply looking at Alison every now and then. Blue eyes catch this, her lips sealing initially but soon parting as she appears shy and timid, not wanting to cross a line if Emily’s still feeling all too wounded.

“Can I hold you?”

Emily’s staring doesn’t let up but her mouth opens like she wants to question the request as if she hadn’t heard correctly, eyebrows furrowed for a moment. Alison recognizes her dumbfound expression and gives her a warm, tight-lipped smile, waiting patiently before Emily nods with an underlying attitude that thanks her for each bit of comfort she’s provided.

Alison mutters a “Come here” that doesn’t really make it out of her throat, sliding down against the arm of the couch and motioning for Emily to curl up against the side of her. The brunette does as instructed, at first not pushing her body to the other girl’s but trying to linger against the back of the couch as much as she can. Her hesitancy is noticed but Alison wants Emily’s comfort as much as it’s the other way around, adjusting her arm tightly around the girl’s back and dragging her closer until dark hair is draped along the fabric of her shirt, just below her collarbone and somewhat onto her chest.

They both breathe out, but Emily almost begins to cry when she listens to Alison’s heartbeat because, God, she’s real, and she’s not leaving even though the universe is so against her having healthy relationships in life. No, the brunette partly shakes her head; she’s going to make this work. This is where she wants to be. This is where she was designed to be. Not particularly with Alison, but on this path of what looks like destruction. This is just a fog, right? The aftermath of something that she had to get over with before becoming truly happy ━ and that’s where Alison _does_ come in.

Just like Alison is real, Emily has to be equal, and she has to open herself up. Emily swallows hard at the thought, her eyes closing in the process and deciding that it’s time to let Alison in.

“Can I be honest about something?” she whispers, not looking up but simply taking in the girl’s scent time and time again. “About… the other night. With Samara.”

Alison takes a deep breath but hums out a flat yet quiet “Mhm” while feeling Emily’s fingertips twitch against the shirt covering her stomach.

“I remember almost crying when she first kissed me,” there’s no trace of tearing-up, but Alison frowns. “Part of me hoped she’d notice and finally realize that I only needed a stranger to ask if I’m okay instead of continuing with…”

Her confession trails off as she purses her lips and moves her head against Alison’s chest; she knows that her friends have repeatedly asked if she’s okay and her answer has always been that she’s sick of people wondering, but to have someone who barely knows anything solid about her ask the same question… it means more; strangers don’t have to break through a synthetic shell in order to understand what you’re thinking and/or feeling. Her first meet-up with Alison is a great example of that.

She partly clears her throat, “Because she _is_ a stranger to me, and I felt… _still_ feel… disgusted for letting her come that close to…”

The struggle is ended when Emily begins a new sentence, “She doesn’t know me, and I don’t want her to know me,” and her voice begins to choke up, two tears leaking onto Alison’s shirt while her lip quivers and makes the rest of her memory waver, “so I didn’t let her touch me, and I didn’t touch her. Not like that. I couldn’t. Not after I worked so hard. I felt like throwing up, and I…” she pauses, “I told her I didn’t feel well, then locked myself in the bathroom for a little.”

Alison shifts her jaw and pulls Emily closer, holding onto her but giving her space to breathe.

“You two didn’t…” Alison isn’t sure whether it’s more of a statement or an oncoming question, but, either way, the words die in her throat when she wants to mentally slap herself in the face for asking something with underlying, selfish intentions.

“No,” Emily understands what she’s trying to ask and why she’s wondering, snuggling up to the girl further to let her know it’s okay.

Although it gives her a slight sense of relief knowing that Emily hadn’t gone all the way with Samara that night, the fact that the toxic blonde dared go further without the brunette’s consent is beyond maddening and it makes her throat tighten. Additionally, guilt floats around in her mind and she presses her tongue to her inner cheek, feeling regretful for assuming the worst, all this time, and contributing to this shitty ordeal.

“After that, I wanted to leave but I didn’t know where to go,” when Emily speaks again, she feels as hopeless as she did that night, mouth opening and closing. “I always have so many people willing to take me in… people who love me… but something kept stopping me from going to them. From going to you.”

The other girl frowns again, this time with a tinge of hurt evident across her face.

“I ended up staying on the couch because she decided to crash here,” she sniffles hard. “I couldn’t deal with sleeping in the same bed as her or giving her another opportunity to convince me into going further because something inside of me was still looking for an outlet, venting or otherwise.”

Had she known any of this when she came face to face with Samara, she likely would’ve smashed one of the multiple vodka bottles over the girl’s head a time or two, and her jaw shifts at the thought; knowing she looked straight into the eyes of someone who doesn’t give a damn that they took advantage of someone whose father just died… it’s unforgivable, and it’s ridiculous that Emily thinks she doesn’t deserve better than that. Alison’s determined to prove it to her, one way or another.

“She was so rough,” after a short period of silence and deep breathing, Emily carries on with her story. “Not just physically, but… the whole time, I felt numb, even if it was just for a moment. My emotions and ability to push her away… they were gone.”

Alison wants to kiss Emily on the head, though she holds herself back.

“The motions felt paper-thin, but, as sad as it is… the whole time, I thought of you,” the brunette’s voice breaks in the middle, whispering so lowly that it only comes out during parts. “I wanted it to be you, and I wanted to be safe. I wanted to feel comfortable again… and loved.”

It earns conflicting reactions from Alison; while she’s beyond upset that this has happened, the thought of her being Emily’s safe place is reassuring and important, never wanting to give up on providing that type of comfort to someone who needs it ━ but hopefully she’s willing to accept it.

“It felt nothing compared to the night we had together,” Emily pauses. “I guess that’s a good thing, but I couldn’t help but keep wishing I’d wake up from whatever nightmare and feel you holding me instead of her trying to kiss me again or pushing me to go further.”

Alison wants to interrupt her and point out that she’s right here and she’s not leaving, but keeps her lips sealed while gliding her nails along Emily’s arm as it’s wrapped around her. The other rests on her stomach, only an inch away from the brunette’s untucked hand.

“I want you to know that you’re the only one I’ve ever fully given myself to,” Emily takes a deep breath, swallowing hard, “and… it scares me.”

“Why?” it’s the first thing she asks, genuinely curious as her fingertips occasionally brush against Emily’s, resting along her stomach.

“Because what we’re dealing with is so much bigger than us, alone.”

“But we’re not alone,” Alison frowns, now dragging her nails along Emily’s back.

Emily leans up on her elbow, peering into blue eyes that hold seriousness and an unwavering attitude, “You can’t tell me you’re not scared. You said it yourself that you’re terrified.”

“That doesn’t, for one second, mean I’m not thrilled just as much.”

“Don’t lie to me, Alison,” she gives her a pair of pleading eyes. “Please.”

“I’m not lying,” the blonde’s features appear understanding, still drawing patterns along Emily’s back. “I don’t want to lie to you. That’s not how I want this to work. Whatever _this_ is,” she takes a breath. “I’m terrified, and you witnessed that firsthand the other day, but I’m…” the words fade, Alison having to scrap together a new explanation for her emotions, “I now accept that this is what we’ve fallen into and the paranoia that comes with it. Whatever we are, given this stupid situation… we’re going to make it.”

With the spoken conversation comes another that only communicates through their locked, unblinking eyes. Emily’s features don’t give away anything, Alison not knowing if that’s a good or bad thing but deciding to spill what’s on her mind even further.

“We’ve grown,” her throat tightens up. “Within the past few days, even if we were apart and broken… we grew and improved. A setback is an improvement, even if you don’t believe me.”

Brown eyes note a faint smile hiding behind an expressionless facade owned by the blonde, sensing the feeling of relief course through her veins because Alison’s poker face isn’t as solid when they’re alone. Unfortunately, Emily’s heart beats slowly with sadness, having to look away when she shares her next concern.

“I don’t want to be the person who takes away the job of your dreams.”

Even though she’s been in the midst of a massive aftermath that’s mentally strained her, she’s still had time to think about the argument that took place on Wednesday evening. It stung deeply because she knew she was in the wrong for a good portion of it, even if she was speaking through insecurities and past pain, but also made the decision that, if they ever spoke about what happened, she’d tell Alison that she deserves whatever happiness she decides to chase ━ just like Toby had advised her, although she hadn’t held true to the message until now. Maybe they really _did_ grow in the time they were apart, no matter how shattered.

At her words and kind eyes, Alison feels like she’s about to cry. They’re happy tears, though, and she makes sure to blink them away before Emily gets the wrong impression.

“A person is worth a lot more than the experience this job could give me,” her answer is covered in conviction and the inability to be disagreed with, Alison giving her a light smile.

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Emily shakes her head. “This job makes you happy. I witnessed that on the first night we met. At the beginning of that night, I wasn’t the one making you happy. Your new job was, and I admired that,” she pauses. “I _still_ do.”

Alison listens with attentive, sparkling eyes matched with a desire to lean up and connect their lips, hoping to erase every bad feeling and, instead, simply get lost against Emily. She refuses to jump the gun, however, and bites her lower lip while continuously sketching small hearts on the girl’s back as her other hand brushes against Emily’s.

“Being with me could jeopardize everything you’ve worked for, and you know that, even if it’s just emotionally,” her concern is thick. “Your paranoia is valid, and maybe it’s trying to tell you something.”

“So are my feelings for you,” Alison smiles sadly, not giving up. “I’ll always be paranoid about something,” she gives a small laugh. “That’s who I am. Maybe it doesn’t have to be such a bad thing. It makes me aware.”

“So, what? Next time something happens, you’ll react the same,” Emily bows her head as her eyes drift off to the side. “I don’t think I’ll be able to handle you saying this was a mistake again,” her voice is nearly silent but the girl mostly below her hears, wanting to kick herself for merely implying it.

“I won’t say that,” it’s a promise. “You were never a mistake and I’m sorry that I made it seem like that’s what I thought of you. Of this, entirely.”

They stare at one another, Emily’s eyes briefly flickering to Alison’s lips before she catches herself and bites the tip of her tongue. Alison caught her, too, but doesn’t mention it. Instead, her gaze burns into the girl’s temple as she tries to avoid making eye contact in fear that she’ll ruin it with a kiss, finally nodding.

“I believe you…” Emily glances at her, “but you still have to put yourself first, Alison. I told you before, and I meant it… I’ll understand if you say you can’t do this.”

Despite what they’ve gone through, Alison thinks her intentions are still true and in her best interest. It takes a lot to tell the person you want to be with that you’re okay if they don’t want the same, and Alison commends Emily for that because she, herself, feels selfish while wanting the brunette to put up with her even though she can get a bit anxious and too paranoid. Even if Emily thinks otherwise, she’s strong ━ no matter what form it’s in.

Alison watches Emily’s eyes move to her lips again, breath caught in her throat, and they both appear as if they’re waiting for something to happen. To respond to Emily’s underlying question, Alison gives her a barely seen grin, not saying anything but leaning up to kiss her with the world’s gentlest nature. Emily returns the short yet sweet peck, their lips not moving much but slightly sticking to each other once they begin to depart. Their eyes flicker open, Emily searching Alison’s for a more solid answer.

“I am putting myself first,” it’s paired with a tiny smile, “and that’s why I’m here, with _you_ , right now. I promise.”

No response, but she can tell she has Emily’s attention.

“I want to work on things with you, little by little,” she sounds hopeful. “I want us to learn each other. More than we already know.”

This time, she earns a nod. Emily looks calmer than she has all night, Alison notes, and they want to kiss again but stay still. The blonde brushes some strands of hair behind her ear, however, and tilts her head to the side.

“Please start coming to me with things that trouble you,” neither of them can tell if her words sound pleading or not. “I can’t say we’ll survive another instance of you falling back into bad habits just because you think I’m not here for you,” it’s confirmed that her worries are on the desperate side, especially toward the end of her statement.

“I have to own up to and live with my problems,” Emily repeats Alison’s words from their argument, not holding malice but knowing the girl’s right ━ and she should’ve been doing that, all along.

“I was serious when I said I won’t do it for you,” Alison raises her eyebrows a fraction, features softening afterwards, “but I’ll do it _with_ you.”

Emily looks at her.

“You’re not alone.”

She bites her inner cheek, not knowing what to say.

“You deserve happiness, too,” Alison finally says and the words spark a memory in Emily’s mind, reminding her of her father’s words during their last phone call.

Her laugh is weak, “Everyone keeps saying that, but I don’t know.”

“Well,” Alison clears her throat, “we’re going to keep saying it until you do know.”

Her hand reaches up and tucks more hair behind Emily’s ear when it keeps falling, smiling and giving the girl such lovable eyes that the brunette wants to melt and/or cry. Although she feels relieved and sheltered by the care that’s engulfing her as she practically lies atop Alison with warm arms keeping her steady, Emily still feels guilty on the girl’s account and finds herself mentioning it.

“Ali, I don’t want you to believe I don’t appreciate everything you’re doing to make sure I’m okay, especially because I realize that you’re probably still… _upset_ ,” Emily mutters the last word, “but please don’t think you have to force yourself to physically comfort me right now.”

“If it’s too soon for you━”

“No, it’s not that,” Emily assures her by cutting in, chewing her inner cheek. “I just know we’ve both gone through some things, and… I don’t want you pushing yourself to comfort me solely because you’re trying to take care of me.”

Alison doesn’t bat an eyelash at the words, nor does she change the kindness of her features, and Emily finishes, “That’s the last thing I want you to feel compelled to do.”

Her lips are sealed not even two seconds later, Alison kissing her carefully and hoping that it’s not damaging whatever walls Emily’s potentially put up. Despite what the brunette said not even a minute ago, she isn’t sure if she should keep to herself considering what happened with Samara, or if Emily really trusts her enough to act _totally_ like they were before, but their lips remain pressed together for another five seconds until they’re breaking apart again. Emily doesn’t seem upset by it, giving Alison the courage to smile.

“I just told you that I’m putting myself first,” the other girl doesn’t question her or make a move that says she wants to debate the notion. “I meant it.”

Emily mouths an accepting “Okay,” and Alison can see the start of a faint smile, but it’s cut short by her arms pulling the girl back into their former, snuggling position. A kiss is pressed to Emily’s forehead and Alison wants to whisper three words that have been on her mind for days. She can’t bring herself to, in reality, and maybe that’s for the best because it could solely put another weight on the girl’s shoulders, and, for now, they had a great talk tonight. Way better than Alison expected, honestly, but she’s more than grateful and relieved. It doesn’t clear the fact that she’s still sore from meeting Samara, now even more so because she knows how that lowlife girl damaged Emily, but they’ll be okay.

Together.

And they’ll be happy together, just like she promised Emily’s mother.

The thought makes a new smile appear on her face, growing within the next few seconds when she remembers what the woman had told her after requesting that she takes care of Emily. Fingers drag against hers as they rest atop her stomach, other arm still draped on the girl’s back as she rakes her nails up and down. Emily’s breathing is steady and Alison begins to wonder if she fell asleep like she had on the phone the night before, but the girl glances upward for a split second, only to catch the blonde with a decent-sized smile on her face.

“What?” Emily feels shy because of the way she’s being looked at, going back to lying on Alison’s chest and listening to her heartbeat.

“You told your dad about me,” the girl sounds knowing but also light, almost like she’s reminding the brunette of what she had done.

“How do you know?” all motions stop, her fingers only lingering above Alison’s.

“Your mom told me.”

After a second, a laugh is heard and Alison pictures Emily rolling her eyes, feeling the girl’s head shake against her shirt.

“That’s one thing that never changed about him,” smiling cheeks are detected, Alison matching it where she lies against the cushions. “He could never keep a secret from Mom.”

“Did you inherit that behavior?” Alison teases, Emily reclaiming her childish timidity and tilting her chin upward to look at the blonde for a small second, only to lie back down.

“Thank you,” a whisper comes from Alison’s lips once they’re both lying still.

“For what?”

“Telling him about me.”

“Why are you thanking me for that?”

“It’s…” Alison trails off, not being able to explain as clearly as she wants to. “It makes me feel special, in a way. I understand he meant the world to you, and, to know you used some of your limited time with him to mention me during one of your calls… I can’t describe it, but I want to thank you.”

Emily reaches for Alison’s hand and clasps their fingers together, resting firmly against the girl’s stomach. She moves closer to cuddle further into her side, what feels like a permanent, tired grin on her face while going through memories of her father ━ mainly the last conversation they had.

“He said he wanted to meet you,” Emily confesses, lifting her head and looking up at Alison. “It was the last time we spoke, and…” her eyes drift to the side of the room. “He sounded so happy to hear that I found someone so important to me.”

“I’m happy, too,” Alison smiles, not bothering to focus too much on Emily’s equally struggling gaze because she knows she’s going to give up soon, anyway.

They both lean in, sharing another cautious kiss that actually turns into three, extended pecks.

It's broken up by the blonde who leans her forehead against Emily's, muttering, “By the way, you really do snore,” when remembering the prior night and their phone call.

The other girl scrunches up her face and shakes her head in disagreement, but her silent argument is no match for Alison's raised eyebrows and opposing nod, so she chooses to ignore the comment and, instead, goes back to kissing soft lips. It's the first time she's made the initial move since everything went down, her insides shaking with timidity nearly enough to be tasted, but her worries are eased when Alison smiles against her mouth with a thankful nature.

Although they want to carry on, their slow pace is comfortable right now, and maybe it’s important to how they grow together moving forward, so Emily takes it upon herself to cut it short with shy eyes, just to go back to cuddling Alison.

Her mind doesn’t rest as she presses her ear to Alison’s chest, eyes closing every now and then while faint thunder still rumbles in the distance, and a cheek leans against the top of her head.

Being broken was tough and what came after was painful, all in itself, but a part of her wouldn’t go back on what’s happened. It’s helped her, quite frankly, because she’d been ignoring everything inside of her for the longest time and finally had to face it no matter how much she tried not to. Maybe she does deserve a little more to look forward to, and warm arms to keep her safe, and someone who’s just as fragile as she is. It has to get better than what she’s been feeling and what she’s kept hidden, and it’s time to take Toby’s most recent advice. Being the deserving person that Alison sees isn’t going to be easy and it’ll be something to work on, but she’s willing.

_“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”_

She cracks a tiny, ridiculous smile when remembering what Toby said a while back, followed by bits and pieces of memories involving Hanna and Aria flashing into her mind. They both deserve apologies and Emily knows it, nodding a fraction while adjusting her head against Alison; she sticks by her decision to own up to what she’s done and fix what’s been broken, part of that being with her best friends.

Finally, her dad’s voice comes forward, being as kind and wise as ever, and, yeah, he really was right.

_“Accept it, leave your regrets behind, stay even-tempered, and learn from whatever’s happened.”_

And that’s what she’ll do.

For him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting off, Emily seems hellbent on expressing how badly she fucked up. Maybe that’s a sign of self-acceptance, but it’s also self-loathing. With Toby, she’s trying to listen to him, however having a difficult time with it. What he's trying to stress to Emily is that, just because she’s made some mistakes, it doesn’t mean that she, as a person, is a mistake; these mishaps make her human, and errors are essential to moving on ━ just like Mr. Fields said. 
> 
> Currently, everyone (aside from Alison) is under the impression that Emily relapsed and slept with Samara, but that's not true. The reason why she didn't explain what really happened (to Toby), including that she didn't consent to their kiss, has to do with self-blame. It's tricky, mostly because I, too, don't want to see anyone blaming Emily for this, but she doesn't look at it any differently than if she had consented to it/if they went all the way. She believes it's her own doing. Even with Alison, Emily didn't tell her, immediately, that they didn’t go all the way, and it's because of the same reason why she didn't tell Toby. Alison, on the other hand, has her entire thought-process flipped upside-down because she's been constantly thinking that Emily slept with Samara, so there's a sense of ease while pushing her own relief to the side to provide comfort. A lot of you assumed the same, and I received many concerns expressing how toxic cheating is. I agree, and I put out a long post on Tumblr to explain my position on the topic, but I’m curious: How do you view this? I’m afraid of asking that question, honestly, because I know a lot of people get torn over this debate even though I feel it's unquestionable. I don’t want to say, “At least she didn’t sleep with her,” because I feel that’s not the point; this all focuses on the fact that Emily didn’t consent to the kiss that happened, and that’s why she shouldn’t be blamed for this.
> 
> Emison’s heart-to-heart: We start with Alison internally debating about her choices; she realizes it’s unfair to expect Emily to get over her issues when she, herself, is having a difficult time defeating her own insecurities. Soon, she'll be seeing much clearer, and, even here, she looks at things differently, hoping to find common ground with Emily. She's still wounded (rightfully so), and warns Emily that she doesn’t know how they’ll survive if this kind of thing happens again, but they’re working together. Also, Alison found responsibility when she said, “…if it happens again, that’ll be on my shoulders,” which she’ll finally learn to carry.
> 
> How about the order of events? Wed. night: they fought, Alison left, and Emily’s father died. The next day was so deafening that Emily called Samara, and shit went down. That’s a lot to handle; I can’t even imagine ━ no matter how hard I attempt. The world works in maniacal ways, and Emily thinks it’s her fault for what's happened ━ like a sad taste of “karma.”
> 
> I’m sorry if any of this triggered anyone. I had to dig deep within myself to merely write it, even if I’ve never gone through any of this. It’s tricky, however, because I also didn’t want to offend anyone with how I handled it or how I made Emily self-blaming. The thing is, for more than just non-consensual situations, self-loathing people tend to hold themselves responsible for things that happen ━ no matter how small. So, she sadly blames herself whereas Alison knows she can only put the weight on Emily's shoulders when it comes to inviting the girl over (despite knowing Samara is horrible), but nothing else was/is her fault. The lines, “Why are you looking to blame yourself for this?” ━ “Why are you trying to make me look innocent?” certainly sum up how they view everything that’s happened. The situation is very rough and the damage is obvious, but Alison is willing to care for her, and Emily will have to realize that she deserves the care while learning how to trust herself again.
> 
> You’re all probably like “How the hell are we supposed to build these two back up and have them live happily ever after in the span of five chapters?” That’s the thing: we aren’t building them back up. We’re going to pick up where we left off, or maybe even start up at a greater solidity than what we were before their argument. I promised they’d discover themselves while going through tough times, and I’m going to live up to that. We’ll see them develop with honesty and actual love, also patience, and forgiveness. So, if you came looking for fluff, you’ve finally found it. Believe it or not, this chapter was a big start to Emily’s healing process, and she’ll continue on that path.
> 
> From now on, we’ll see these two cooperating and communicating. Emily refuses to be selfish and will find the strength to drum up some trust in herself while Alison sticks by her side and makes sure she’s not rushed, but only loved.
> 
> For now, thanks for coming.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again? Good.
> 
> I’ve gotten some mixed reviews since chapter sixteen was posted. Also good.
> 
> Something I just want to restate/clarify before we go on with this fluff-n-progress-infused chapter: Although I vehemently believe it shouldn’t matter either way because she never consented, Emily did not sleep with Samara. They kissed, against Emily’s repetitive no’s, before she finally closed herself into the bathroom. Because of this, Alison understands that she can only really blame Emily for inviting Samara over, in the first place, so her forgiveness won’t be as struggled as some of you think it should be (and I’m listening to your opinions, don’t worry). I stand by my decision to write it this way; I don’t think Emily is to blame, and I think Alison’s forgiveness was a natural decision/not self-forced. 
> 
> My opinion: If I had a girlfriend and she was hurt in a way I couldn’t imagine (even because of a mistake she made of confiding in the wrong person) against her will, I’d push my upsettedness aside to care for her, just like Alison did in the last chapter. Again, that’s my personal view.
> 
> Now, moving on to this chapter and leaving the past behind (and our regrets, thanks Wayne): This, my friends, will be a flashback-rich chapter. I tried finding other ways of splaying these instances out, but I couldn’t come up with a better tactic than simply including hella flashbacks, unfortunately. I hope it doesn’t skip around too much. There’s still a ton of content that (I think) you’ll enjoy seeing, but it’s pretty back-and-forth. It’s designed to set up for next chapter, however, so that should give you a hint as to eighteen’s size. If it doesn’t, here’s a spoiler: in total, the next update will be around 16.5K ━ and I believe that’s the longest chapter I’ve written, to date.
> 
> You have to get through this one, first, so have a nice time with it ━ especially because we’re in the final stretch of this story. Tear, tear, I know.

A sleepy grumble exits Alison’s throat as Emily’s arm tightens around her waist, the two spooning along the brunette’s living room couch. The TV in front of them plays the pre-show to tonight’s Red Sox vs. Yankees game ━ A.K.A. the start of the Boston team’s quick, two-night trip to New York.

They’ve had a plan to watch these two games together since the midst of the week, both girls excited and teasing one another as the nights got closer. Their relationship has certainly warmed up in an emotional sense since everything collapsed before Emily’s father passed away and after the fact, honesty flowing between them like it’s the most natural thing in the universe ━ because, in a way, it is. Even the night they spent together simply talking and cuddling on the couch during that storm on Monday ended with a lighter vibe, both sensing their bodies pass through a thick wall of relief. The morning after was particularly fluffy but also timid ━ more so from Emily’s perspective ━ and it’s been an uphill climb from there.

_ “I’m sorry I fell asleep on you again,” Emily worries and loosely crosses her arms, rubbing her biceps. “This time literally,” the addition is mumbled. _

_ “I don’t mind,” Alison gives her a cute smile, eyes flickering up and down. “Your couch is a lot comfier than mine is.” _

_ Oddly enough, the other girl doesn’t respond to her comment, looking around the room as if she’s feeling awkward. It’s not a bad awkward, no, but her mind is certainly going a mile per minute and Alison can tell as she stares into Emily’s forehead, her chin tilted downward like her feet are fascinating. _

_ “I have to go home before heading to work,” the blonde confesses to break the silence. “I didn’t plan on staying the night and I doubt this is business-y enough.” _

_ Emily eyes her outfit and actually giggles, Alison smiling hard at the sound. She wears the same t-shirt and sweatpants as she did when she arrived the night before, and her hair is now put up messily.  _

_ “Will you be able to get to work alright on your own?” after a moment, Alison asks in order to voice her slight caution. “I don’t mean to sound overbearing. I’m just…” she tries to cover up her tracks, not wanting Emily to get sick of her being so… protective. _

_ “I’ll be okay,” she lets her breathe out in relief. “Don’t worry.” _

_ Although she wants to accept the underlying promise, her eyes give away that she’s still going to worry no matter what, but Emily doesn’t mention it. Instead, the brunette licks her lips and sighs shortly, looking at the girl again.  _

_ “Will you be late for work?” a sudden wave of guilt smacks into her, not wanting to get Alison in any trouble. _

_ “No,” Alison smirks but feels shy about answering, ultimately being honest about something she’s been hiding, “my shift technically doesn’t start until half an hour after yours, and even then it’s not set in stone.” _

_ She quickly pieces things together, squinting in suspicion, “Then why are you always getting into work around the same time that I am?”  _

_ The girl looks even more shy, forcefully sealing her lips and looking around the room with a transforming expression that becomes something as if she’s thinking, “yikes.” Emily offers a curt, amused yet stunned laugh, giving Alison an absentminded look-over before humming and nonchalantly saying, “And I thought I was bad… always peeping through the crack at my desk so I can see you.” _

_ “What?” Alison beams at the information. _

_ “What?” the brunette pretends she doesn’t know why she’s being stared at. _

_ They feel lighter than ever before ━ even prior to their argument on Wednesday ━ and Alison studies Emily’s features with adoration. She’s smiled at, though it’s a bit dopey and still cautious, but the eye contact is cut short when blue eyes drift down to the other girl’s hands and she takes them in her own. Their fingers are intertwined immediately, Emily loving the feeling against her skin but constantly getting small spurts of guilt bouncing around in her mind; she can’t help but think that they could’ve been doing this for days instead of crying and going through so much pain.  _

_ Alison gently sways their clasped hands back and forth, whispering, “I’ll see you soon.” _

_ “Mhm,” it’s short and sweet, Emily’s grin subtle but noticeable. _

_ Neither move away, Alison adamantly waiting for Emily to kiss her or make some sort of move. She refuses to leave without one, actually, mostly because she’s been taking leaps of faith time and time again during this visit. Bluntly, she wants to make sure Emily is okay with this. Despite her desire to wait around and stare into brown eyes, Alison decides to shuffle a tiny step forward with a tilted head and a sympathetic, concerned body language.  _

_ “Hey,” she mutters when Emily looks super nervous, brushing some stray hairs out of her face, “are you okay?” _

_ A playful laugh follows, “Are you going to keep asking me that?” _

_ In turn, Alison nods with an innocent, “deal with it” smile on her face ━ one that Emily can’t be annoyed with; the brunette knows that the other girl simply cares, and she can’t blame her for that. In fact, she admires it and is thankful to have so many emotionally invested people in her life. It’s comforting. _

_ “I’m okay. Still feeling… messed up, but… okay,” Emily firmly nods, more so to herself.  _

_ “Thank you for being honest,” a solid step is taken before their bodies are leaned against one another, arms wrapping around Alison and holding onto her tightly.  _

_ “I’m sorry I wasn’t before,” she bows her head and feels blonde hair against her cheek. “At least not with my actions.” _

_ Alison takes it upon herself to back up and lean in, pecking her on the lips with such little pressure that Emily’s eyes take an extra moment to flutter open following the embrace.  _

_ “You’re feeling okay, Em,” Alison’s mouth tugs into a sympathetic grin. “Don’t ruin that so soon. The day’s just starting.” _

Since then, Alison has been her rock, and her patience is uplifting in Emily’s mind, knowing that she isn’t being rushed to get over her woes and negative moods. They’ve discussed their relationship, coming to terms with what they’d like to title it as, and have decided to be exclusive. The idea of dating Alison, after everything, made Emily gain a cheesy smile when she was alone a time or two, not knowing where the extraordinary emotion came from but thanking every higher being that she felt it since she’s been somewhat hollow. Before Alison, she loathed the idea of giving herself to someone, but, pushing aside what they’ve gone through to get here, it’s nothing less than great to feel. She’s human again, or so it seems.

During the past few days, she also spent some time revisiting her past in hopes that she’ll re-learn herself in the same way she was dedicating her attention to Alison, and the brunette gingerly became situated on her apartment floor in order to patiently go through some pieces of her childhood memories in the form of glossy photos and smaller “artifacts.” Alison wasn’t with her, at the time, and Emily figured it was best to do something on her own because, if she was going to love the girl properly, she assumed it’d be valid to love herself, first. She’d receive texts from the blonde, simply sharing what her daily plans are and holding cute conversations, but Emily made sure to focus on what she was doing, for the most part. 

It took a while to scavenge through a box or two consisting of pictures she decided to save when she moved out from her childhood home, but with scattered tears came a gentle, metaphorical hug when she allowed herself to feel everything that filled her body. There was sadness, definitely, especially when she found a picture of her father in his uniform for some, black and white photo-op, but it lessened once she remembered how fulfilled with his own life he always seemed ━ something she wishes for herself, even if it’s not in the same way. Happiness also filled the room as she sat on the floor of her apartment, pinching pictures between her fingers and smiling before raising her eyes to stare at the wall with a cheeky grin, squinted focus, and a newfound sense of decision.

So, at the end of that day, coming along with Emily’s new dedication to Alison, she ultimately made herself vulnerable in a fresh way, giving the blonde a few pieces of her childhood in hopes that it’d progress their idea of learning about one another ━ as jointly promised. 

_ “I brought you something,” Emily approaches Alison as they stand in her living room, having surprised the blonde by showing up to her apartment after texting to ask if she’s home. “Actually, a few somethings.”  _

_ The other girl looks skeptical but interested, narrowing her eyes and seeing Emily pull out three, glossy photos before they’re placed in her hand to shuffle through. She stares at the first, grinning big when her eyes land upon a baby picture of the brunette in her father’s arms, both appearing happy as all hell. The second is a similar photo, though Emily is a number of years older, and it includes Mrs. Fields, as well. Following that one, in the next, Emily is dressed up for what looks to be a summer party, wearing glow bracelets and smiling like a dork while sitting in her father’s lap.  _

_ Alison can’t stop smiling and staring at the pictures, just barely hearing Emily explain, “I figured you might like a happier picture of my dad since the first one you saw wasn’t under the best circumstances,” she hints to the memorium card that’s kept safe in one of the blonde’s drawers. _

_ “And you as a baby,” Alison adds, holding up one glossy photo and smirking.  _

_ Emily rolls her eyes but can’t swallow down the fluttering in her chest, nodding with blushing cheeks. The kind gestures earn her three pecks to her lips, Alison backing up once she’s satisfied enough, and whispering, “Thank you, Em. That means…” she pauses for a moment, “more than you know.” _

Opposing that day and on the other side of the emotion-spectrum, it hasn’t been all peaches and rainbows, and Emily has continued to grow no matter if the process is harsh or gentle, most progress revolving both around herself and how she treats her friends. After everything had gone down, she decided that she needs to make some changes when it comes to her way of expressing herself around those whom she cares for; although she’s always appreciated them and loved the people in her life more than she can put to words, it was never crystal clear and she realizes that a void had opened between her and, well,  _ everyone _ . That had to change and she knew it, one time taking the length of a boring workday to think about everything while Hanna and Aria carefully tip-toed throughout conversations with her, and she forced herself into inviting them over with the hushed yet hopeful  _ “Is there any way you guys can come over tonight?” _

They accepted ━ not to say Emily was surprised because she knows how frequently they twist their schedules to make sure she’s okay ━ and the brunette told Alison what would be happening that night once the girl stopped by for a brief visit, getting a comforting  _ “They love you, Em. I know you’re nervous about what they’re going to say, but don’t worry too much, okay?” _ that ended with a kiss to her forehead as the blonde got up on her toes.

Of course, Emily made the beginning of her friends’ visit more awkward than she probably should’ve, and they noticed it instantly with Hanna commenting,  _ “We’re not strangers, you know,”  _ even though a smile peaked on her face to shimmer her eyes.  _ “You can talk to us,”  _ she added.

_ “I know I can,” a breath comes with it, though it’s more of an anxious sigh as she wipes her palms on her knees. _

_ Her friends wait, staring at their friend who looks more nervous than she should be, and Hanna wants to say something more, but, before she can, Emily finally finds her voice without it threatening to waver all too much. _

_ “I’m sorry, both of you,” she looks between the pair as she sits across from them, Hanna and Aria placed on the couch with attentive expressions cascaded over their faces. “I, um…” she clears her throat, opens her mouth, and the thought is gone.  _

_ They continue to watch her, blinking occasionally but not rushing the girl. _

_ “I realize that I haven’t been fair to you,” she spills her honesty, voice cracking once. “I haven’t been a friend, or… I’ve just been… not me, and I don’t have a good excuse for it. I don’t want one, really. It’s my fault.” _

_ She takes a breath, “I want to be honest with you guys. You’re my best friends and you know that. I have no idea where I got lost, or what happened. There was this… voice in my head, I guess. I know that sounds kind of silly, maybe, but that’s the best way I can describe it.” _

_ Hanna bites her inner cheek and Aria’s features are soft, paying attention. _

_ “It kept telling me to keep everything to myself,” Emily bows her head. “Even before my dad died, I didn’t want to let anyone in, and that damaged me. It kept me from understanding that I’m not alone.” _

_ Her eyes peer upward at the two, “But now I understand that I’m not alone, and I wish I had come to terms with that before. I’m loved, and…” she hesitates, a smile flickering to turn the corners of her mouth upward, “I have you two.” _

_ “You do,” Hanna confirms with a kind tone just as Aria says, “You’ll always have us.” _

Their conversation lasted a while, Emily telling her friends that she’s trying to be more open as well as catching them up on what’s going on between her and Alison ━ after sharing the reality of what happened with Samara to which Hanna visibly portrayed guilt for a similar reason as the other blonde had: immediately jumping to the worst-case scenario. Nevertheless, the brunette shook her head and breathed out,  _ “I meant it when I said I’m done with Samara. I guess it just took me a few too many minutes to remember I’m not that person anymore.”  _

_ “Better late than never,” Hanna replies in all seriousness, Aria adding, “That’s a little blunt, but I strangely agree.” _

_ “You’re strong, Em,” the blonde smiles. “At the end of the day, you were strong enough to understand you’re better than that.” _

_ “We’re proud of you,” again, Aria offers her own brand of support. _

During that conversation, hugs were shared repeatedly with occasional tears from each girl, collectively grieving and exchanging memories about Mr. Fields while sitting along the couch, and then Hanna caught both of her friends off-guard once the atmosphere lightened. 

_ “I have to tell you something,” the blonde treads carefully, Aria and Emily sharing a look while perching themselves on the edge of their seats. “Em’s not the only one who’s been hiding things, recently.” _

_ The taller girl narrows her eyes and turns her head a fraction. _

_ “Do you guys know Caleb Rivers?” _

_ “From our floor?” Aria squints one eye. _

_ “Yeah,” she seals her lips. _

She didn’t have to say anything more, Emily putting two and two together with Aria close by in the realization department, their mouths opening in shock but a mild version of it. Only a minute passed before Emily said,  _ “Wait a minute,”  _ and pieced everything together even further, including Hanna’s determination to keep the spotlight off herself, her protectiveness of Alison (especially regarding her job), and the few, abrupt exits at work. Aria’s response to everything was,  _ “I can’t believe both of you were hiding your relationships,”  _ followed by,  _ “I also can’t believe you guys have relationships, but I don’t.” _ Neither Emily nor Hanna knew if they should be offended by the comment, but it was given with a subtle smirk, anyway, and they left it alone.

The comfort resulting from that conversation was relaxing, allowing her shoulders to slump for the first time in what felt like forever. Baby steps, she would remind herself. Her attitude has been lighter, overall, and work has gone smoothly. Though she’s used up a good amount of her vacation time, the concept of seeing Alison every day has now eased into something more positive and less distracting, simply doing her job and following Mona’s advice from over a week ago:  _ “Ask her how her day was and pretend as if you don’t already know.” _ It meant more than one thing, and Emily finally stumbled into understanding that, creating a clear divide in her relationship with Alison in terms of professionalism and personal life. Mona was right: it’s much easier, this way. 

She tightens her arm around Alison again, pulling the girl further against her before nuzzling her head into the back of her neck.

Her self-growth didn’t stop with her friends and realizations, Emily recalls, and Alison helped her through another small, difficult patch when she was hit with some guilt regarding how she handled everything after taking the time to remove Samara’s number from her phone. Alison had peered over at Emily’s shaking hands in that moment, watching her thumb quickly scroll through her phone to block and delete the girl’s contact information before the device was tossed onto the cushion next to her, the brunette bringing her hands up and covering her face with a deep breath. At first, Alison didn’t say anything, not knowing if Emily was more so upset or flat-out angry, but the girl uncovered her eyes and was suddenly staring straight ahead at the TV without blinking.

_ “I’m proud of you,” Alison says with such a tiny voice that Emily feels her eyes wanting to water even though she’s able to keep every tear at bay. _

_ “I know,” the brunette exhales and shifts forward on the cushion so she can lean her elbows on her knees, bowing her head and muttering, “Thank you.” _

_ “Em, I can tell you’re still thinking about what happened,” Alison leans forward on the edge of the couch, trying her best to look into Emily’s eyes when her head is still ducked. “I know you probably feel guilty and angry at yourself, but you can’t change it. You can only prevent it from happening again.” _

_ “Never again,” the immediate conviction covering Emily’s face when she instantly turns to Alison is reassuring but ten levels above powerful, the sight, alone, making the blonde take in a sharp breath even though she reaches for her hand. “It should’ve never happened, in the first place,” it’s low but not broken when the brunette returns to her previous, self-sheltering position, only sounding like she’s getting rid of the leftover, upset emotions biting at her memory. _

_ “You’re right,” she decides to keep the gentle disagreements to herself, “but we can’t erase the fact that it did.” _

_ “I know,” Emily says again with a small struggle, and Alison can tell it’s difficult for her to come to terms with, only watching the girl bite her inner cheek and think hard about something.  _

_ Finally, she takes a deep breath and straightens her back out, turning to Alison and being completely honest with her, “Look, I know I’ve been acting weird still, and you’re right… I feel guilty and… pissed,” the following smile is sad but accepting. _

_ Alison mirrors it, but it’s more of a tiny pout. Emily hesitates, having more to say but putting her words in order, first.  _

_ “I want you to know that I don’t regret working to fix things with you after what happened, no matter how I feel about myself, and I don’t regret us one bit. This isn’t about us, really, it’s…” she swallows hard when her throat feels dry. “I just can’t help but hate what I did before, and maybe I always will. How I handled everything, and… even if I had only let myself go for just a moment…” _

_ Her girlfriend nods in understanding, holding onto her hand. _

_ “Alison, I messed up so badly,” Emily’s voice is strained as she shakes her head. “I ruined everything, even if you say I didn’t, and even if you say it wasn’t all my fault,” she frowns, more so at herself.  _

_ She turns to Alison again, looking serious, “You have to admit that. No matter if you’ve forgiven me or not.” _

_ “I’m not saying you didn’t, Em, but I’m also not going to put the full blame on you when I don’t believe it’s the truth,” Alison mirrors her distraught face, though she sounds more telling. “And I have forgiven you.” _

_ “I believe you,” Emily shifts her jaw in thought, biting her lower lip for a second, “but I haven’t forgiven myself.” _

_ The other girl purses her lips but nods, not bothering to keep herself from lacing their fingers together more tightly. She moves three inches closer, now pressed against Emily, and leans her head on the girl’s shoulder.  _

_ “I understand, and I hope you know I’m not rushing you. I swear, okay?” Alison gives her a smile even though she can only feel it. “I just don’t want you thinking that I’m lying when I say I want to move on from this,” her head lifts up to look at Emily, getting a pair of sparkling, brown eyes. _

_ A tired smile forms on her face, “We’ll get there.” _

_ Emily is given a kiss on her cheek, Alison staring at her afterwards with a thumb rubbing against the skin of her hand. _

_ “Together,” Alison finishes. _

Thankfully, following that situation, the massive although short, weighted conversation pushed her happiness and relief to where it is right now, being another positive result of something that was initially negative. It’s something she could get used to, and Emily would be lying if she claimed that the hurt she has to endure in order to fix herself doesn’t pay off ━ because it  _ does  _ pay off and, hell, it feels incredible.

A hot breath is suddenly strewn across the back of Alison’s neck, Emily smiling hard at the memory now that her body is feeling lighter and just…  _ hopeful _ .

“That tickles, and you know it,” it’s dull and accusing, coming from Alison whose mouth is curved into a smile even though her lips want to seal from allowing sharp breaths of her own to be heard.

Emily chooses not to answer, shimmying closer and moving blonde strands away from Alison’s neck so she can kiss the area. They’re initially small, warm pecks, applying pressure to the tender skin as a result of them drifting in and out of sleep ever since they got back from work. Alison hums at the sensation, letting herself enjoy it as their hands are clasped in front of her stomach. Emily’s mouth moves to her shoulder, dragging her lips along soft skin, and Alison nibbles her lower lip.

“That doesn’t help,” she laughs once Emily continues for thirty seconds longer, clearly determined.

Her laugh is matched, followed by the brunette stopping and simply burying her face into the crook of Alison’s neck. She breathes deeply, keeping their bodies cozy.

“You smell nice,” the words are gifted to her skin through a mumble, Alison smiling.

“Is that unusual for me?” she teases.

“God, no,” Emily all but groans, afterwards chuckling and kissing the area again.

At the breathy statement, the blonde figures it’s her cue to turn around because all she’s wanted to do since she arrived is connect their lips and never depart. Of course, they managed to keep their frustration at bay by taking short naps, but now the feeling has returned and Alison grunts while flipping herself over so they’re face to face. Their eyes meet through a lidded atmosphere, noses barely an inch apart, and Alison can see Emily licking her lips. It makes a fuzzy sensation cover her limbs, reaching out and putting cautious fingertips on the brunette’s shoulder as if they’re walking up to her neck. Emily waits for something to happen, breath caught in her throat, and she can’t focus worth a damn. Thankfully, she doesn’t have to try for long; Alison mentally declares she’s done being bitten up by the tension, leaning in close and smiling before their lips touch just briefly. 

The grip on her waist tightens, pulling her even closer, and the motion makes Alison want to moan, but she muffles all thought-up sounds by kissing Emily again. They don’t depart this time, deepening the kiss when Alison’s hand cradles Emily’s neck while nails gingerly scratch at the skin beneath her fingers. It pulls a breathy exhale from the brunette’s throat, Alison biting onto her lower lip for a split second and tugging downward. She knows she shouldn’t have done it, mostly because Emily’s noticeably weak whenever it happens, but she couldn’t help herself, and the brunette pulls her impossibly closer. It doesn’t help anything, in turn, because her body only ends up pushing Alison’s back against the cushions beneath them, now semi-on top of the girl.

Alison doesn’t mind, enjoying the new position and welcoming it by slipping her tongue past Emily’s. A satisfied sigh comes from the girl on top of her, and Alison feels her own hands finding the drive to wander along Emily’s neck again, digging her nails into sensitive skin because, like before, she’s in way too deep and can’t help herself. It gets a shaky breath from Emily who has to break the kiss, this make out session becoming that of a competition to see who can hold up longer without breaking their understanding of “taking things slow.” Emily’s thigh shifts between Alison’s legs, getting a grunt, but the blonde manages to ignore it and focus on melting against warm, wet lips.

It seems to cool down within the following seconds taken up by two additional, elongated pecks, the slower pace being a mutual surrender, of sorts. Emily backs up and only nudges her nose against Alison’s, both smiling and not paying attention to the TV even though the game’s starting line-ups are being announced. Alison leans upward merely an inch, asking for another kiss, and Emily complies easily with five, meaningful embraces granted until the final morphs into something deeper like neither can help it, the brunette’s right hand dragging lower until fingertips are tucked underneath the girl’s shirt. Her girlfriend notices but doesn’t mention it, tugging on Emily’s lip once more as the brunette’s hand continues moving until it’s fully tucked underneath the fabric, and that’s when Alison backs up to raise her eyebrows.

“Your hands are wandering,” it comes with an out-of-breath giggle, Emily looking sheepish.

“I was trying to stop them from wandering, actually,” her eyes betray her “honesty,” licking her bottom lip.

“By putting them under my shirt?” she doesn’t buy it, quirking an eyebrow and raising her chin.

“I didn’t mean to go under your shirt.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m…”

Blue eyes narrow, daring her to deny it. Emily laughs, shaking her head in disbelief and looking off to the side before glancing at Alison with her former shyness.

She relents, “Are you ever going to tell me how you know when I’m lying?”

“I won’t give away my secrets,” Alison feels successful and leans up to begin kissing her again, stopping after a single second, “but, in this case, I know you’re lying because you can’t stop looking guilty and, at the same time, your hand slipped a bit higher.”

“Maybe I’m smiling because I’m happy,” Emily smirks heavily. “You’ve never seen happiness before?” her tone is smug, recalling Alison’s words from when they first met.

“Mm,” their lips connect again, being warm and inviting when Alison pulls her down even further, “I bet I can make you even happier.”

Her words break the kiss, Emily appearing interested and enticed by the suggestion whereas Alison goes back to brushing her lips against her girlfriend’s. 

“Not tonight, though,” it earns narrowed, brown eyes. “We still have a baseball game to watch,” she rubs her lips together, “so try to control your wandering hands.”

“No promises,” another kiss is shared as Alison hums flatly, their bodies separating soon afterward as the blonde nudges Emily to the side.

“I'm gonna get some snacks for the game,” Alison notifies, moving into the kitchen as Emily shifts her legs so she can sit along the cushions comfortably.

She hears rummaging in the cabinets but it begins to fade as her eyes dart around the room, starting to get sucked into her own thoughts like she has been for days now. Her body feels warm for a variety of reasons, primarily because of the major sense of okay-ness after everything that happened, and it makes her back relax into the cushion. The game is still in its beginning stages, the first pitch coming up within moments. 

Eyes moving around the room again, just thinking to herself, Emily catches sight of an old photo ━ one that’s of her family only a year or two prior ━ sitting on the coffee table where she left it a few nights ago. When she had set out to find a picture (or three) for Alison, she stumbled upon this recent one and grinned at it with a mild ache in her chest. She reminded herself that it was normal, part of her pushing to place the picture back in the box so she didn’t have to see it too often, but her drive to be stronger clutched the photo and brought it into the living room because maybe it’d become more helpful rather than hurtful. Emily didn’t want the only picture she had of him lying around to be his memorium card, much similar to the reason why she gave Alison some photos of him, and it provides a sense of comfort at times when she’s alone.

Her fingers reach for the picture, picking it up as her butt’s perched on the edge of the couch, elbows digging into her knees. She doesn’t wear any blatant expression while staring at it, trying to etch his features into her memory further because there’s always a slight fear that she’ll forget. Emily feels herself sigh, emptying the air in her lungs with not so much a sad tone but perhaps more conflicted.

“Feeling upset again?” Alison’s voice sounds in Emily’s ear, the girl placing a bowl of chips in front of them on the coffee table. 

“No, not upset…” Emily says without looking at her, eyebrows just partly furrowed. 

She lays the picture back onto the table, pushing it further away from where they usually keep their cups and food. 

“I feel weird,” the confession is flat but quiet, clasping her hands in front of her and staring forward. “I’m… surprised, I guess, that I’m not as torn up about his death as I feel I  _ should  _ be.”

Alison tilts her head, leg brushing against Emily’s. 

“I always imagined I’d be nowhere near okay,” she tilts her chin downward. “I’m not sure what I expected,  _ exactly _ , or  _ why  _ I expected to have a full-blown meltdown, but… I’m feeling okay, and I don’t know how I feel about feeling okay, if that makes sense.”

“It does,” the blonde lightly assures her girlfriend.

Emily raises her eyebrows, “Of course I’m upset and I miss him like hell, but I think a part of me knew, someday, this would happen.” 

She looks at Alison, “It has to, right?” 

The other girl smiles sadly, shrugging one shoulder before Emily continues, “I think that part of me is rational and maybe more understanding of life, even if the other bit of me is selfishly pissed at the universe for taking him away when I feel like I didn’t have enough time with him.”

They both look at their feet pressed against the floor, but Alison regains a sweet, comforting composure within seconds, reaching for Emily’s hands and breaking them apart so she can hold one. 

“He’s always with you,” she gives insight, “and so am I.”

Emily turns to her when she hears the last part, a hidden smile behind her eyes.

Alison pauses for a moment, her lips parting, “I can’t replace the love your dad gave you. I’m not trying to, and I hope you know that. He was special,” she hesitates. “He  _ is  _ special.” 

They hold eye contact, a warm grin appearing on Alison’s face.

“I’m always here, though, and I’m willing to give you whatever love you need in order to heal,” her words make Emily smile even though it covers up her nerves, feeling an extreme, butterfly-ish sensation in her stomach at the one, specific term she used.

“And even after you’re feeling okay,” Alison tries to be strong so she can get these words out in  _ some  _ form, “I’ll still give you that love.” 

Although Emily tries to wait until Alison’s completely finished talking, she can’t help but lean in and kiss her. It’s not short and sweet but it’s not rough or desperate, only pouring love into it as long as she can before backing up and listening to a calm “I really meant it when I said you deserve it.”

“Thank you,” a tiny, sheepish smile tugs at her lips.

Another kiss is pressed to her mouth, this time not being broken after seconds even though it hardly feels like lips are moving against hers. It’s so gentle that Emily primarily feels Alison’s fingertips cradle her jaw with another wave of timidity that’s been existing for days even though nails gently scrape at her skin, making her want to push the girl onto her back. Finally, however, the lip-lock deepens when Alison shimmies a fraction closer as a result of wanting more than the simple, gentle yet lengthy pecks, pouring more devotion into the kiss as Emily matches it with ease.

It feels like mere seconds go by before a tongue passes against hers, and, when they both try to push forward and let themselves go for a moment of getting lost in the embrace, their teeth almost clash. Inadvertently, the brunette leans a bit forward ━ okay,  _ purposely  _ ━ and her hand ends up on Alison’s upper thigh with her fingertips scratching at the fabric of her shorts, a soft, breathy laugh begrudgingly breaking up the growing tension as Emily feels it against her wanting lips.

“What happened to what I said about going slow?” Alison arches an eyebrow although, on the inside, she knows she shouldn’t be talking since she’s been trying to get Emily riled up for hours ━ not that she’d admit to it.

“Sorry,” Emily apologizes through a forming smirk, feeling Alison emphatically remove the hand from her thigh to drop it onto the cushion between them.

“No, you’re not,” she laughs even though she’s not the least bit sorry, either, the brunette beaming at the reminder of their old conversation and giggling, Alison moving quickly and shoving a large chip into Emily’s mouth while raising her eyebrows and lecturing, “Now, behave. We have a game to watch.”

Glancing at the TV screen, Alison sees that the Red Sox have already formed a two-point lead from a first-inning home run. She rolls her eyes as Emily hums and swallows the chip, grabbing another.

“I think we should make a bet,” Emily chimes, pursing her lips.

“On this game? No way,” Alison grabs a handful of chips and eats them one by one, Emily making a weird noise.

“Alison, it’s the first inning. You still have time to win.”

“Oh, so you don’t have confidence in your team?” she accuses through a question.

Emily makes a face, “That’s not what I meant.”

“How about tomorrow night’s game?” Alison decides to make it fair for both of them, this way giving them time to figure out what they’re betting on. “You said you want to watch it with me, anyway.”

“What if I changed my mind?”

“Okay, that’s fine, too.” 

“I’m kidding,” the brunette shakes her head with a big smile, “but,  _ actually _ , I was thinking about something.”

“Aside from making bets that you’ll probably lose?” so much teasing in such a small question, Emily presses her tongue to her inner cheek.

“ _ Anyway _ ,” her eyes widen, “I kinda…” she loses her train of thought within seconds, rewording what she’s going to say, “I feel like I haven’t really had a chance to meet your friends, and… I want to.”

Alison turns to her, face expressionless.

“Is… that a bad idea?” Emily feels like she should take it back ━ especially when she remembers what’s recently happened and how Alison’s friends are likely still a bit cautious when it comes to their relationship ━ but her girlfriend’s shy, blushing cheeks make her smile reappear. “What?”

“Nothing,” Alison shakes her head quickly, trying to stop the childish happiness from taking over, “I just find it sweet.”

“Well, they’re almost like your family, aren’t they?” the brunette stares at her. “I want to know about them and be able to hang out with them. If that’s okay, I mean. I don’t know━”

Her lips are sealed with a kiss that makes her stop talking, eyes fluttering shut until it’s broken and she has to focus again.

“You ramble  _ a lot _ ,” the blonde raises her eyebrows, backing up so she can look at Emily. “I’d love if you met them again. Well, more than the last time. I feel like we were all kind of… stressed.”

Alison can tell that she’s also feeling a shade uneasy about it, the brunette mouthing the words, “Great, then,” even though they aren’t voiced properly, the blonde giving her a smile and reassuring, “I’m sure they’d be happy to meet you again, too.”

Timid eyes meet hers, Alison flashing an unwavering smile, and Emily feels her lungs emptying of cool air that was the least bit welcoming, finally gathering some strength to mirror the girl’s expression and offer, “Ask them to come over tomorrow. I can ask my friends, too, if you’d like.”

“Like a big, family party?” Alison muses, smirking heavily.

“Mhm,” she earns a genuine, tight-lipped smile, “and I’ll keep the game on so you and I can see who wins the bet.”

Blue eyes narrow, “And what’s the bet?”

Her girlfriend seems to think, shifting her jaw while looking away. Alison continues to stare at her, wondering what she’s up to and what she’ll come out with. It’s interesting, Alison thinks, because it seems that Emily has something she wants to propose, but━ 

“If  _ I  _ win━”

“You mean, if the Red Sox win,” Alison smugly corrects, feeling entertained by her enthusiasm.

“As far as I’m concerned, I’m on their team tomorrow.”

“Oh, that’d be a sight to see,” it comes out way more seductive than intended, Emily having to seal her lips.

“As I was saying,” Emily clears her throat, “if I win… you have to stay here for an entire week. Sleep here, I mean.”

It’s less than she was expecting, if Alison’s being honest, but the request makes her blush for a split second, and, to push the fuzzy feeling away, she bows her head and nods with a dragged-out “ _ Okay _ , and if I win?”

“What do you want?”

Faced with the question, Alison can’t exactly come up with something; as far as she’s concerned, she’d love to stay at Emily’s for a whole week, and a part of her tries to trick the universe into making her team lose tomorrow, but her competitive side wants to win. She swishes the question around in her mind for a bit longer, thinking before finally scraping together a half-assed request of her own ━ one that tells Emily that their feelings are completely mutual.

“If I win… I get to stay here for an entire week,” Alison smiles hard, also feeling conniving when she thinks about the rest of what she’s going to say because the tension between them has been insane and it’s all too funny ━ at least from where she looks at it.

“Wait, that’s… it?” Emily seems skeptical and her girlfriend wants to snort at the face she makes.

“No, that’s not it,” her eyebrows raise, smirking. “ _ During _ that week…” she bites the tip of her tongue, “if I win, you have to keep your hands to yourself.”

“That’s…” it’s broken up with a heavy laugh, “not fair, whatsoever.”

Alison seals her lips and offers an emphatic shrug, “Then you better hope your team wins.”

“Don’t act like I’m the only one who would have trouble keeping to themself,” her response is laced with accusations, the blonde biting her lower lip.

“We’ll see,” she chimes.

“No, we won’t,” Emily playfully huffs, having a wiped-out smile on her face as she leans back. “You’re gonna lose.”

The only thing that’s given back is a snicker, Alison sinking into the couch and beginning to snack on more chips. Emily steals one or two out from between her fingers, the blonde frowning, but they pay attention to the game. 

They stare ahead at the TV, but Emily begins to get lost in the idea of Alison sleeping over for an entire week. All joking aside, the request that the girl has to move into her apartment was on the tip of her tongue and she wanted to spill it just to see how she’d react, but the statement wouldn’t pass. It’s not that she thinks it’s too soon because she’s always been a firm believer that love and care happen in funny ways, not being chained to a timeline, but she decided to test the waters with a short, one-week stay, instead.

It got her thinking even harder, however, because Alison has come to mean so much to her in this time, and, since she’s not afraid of commitment at this point, she wishes that she could be like a normal couple with the girl. She wants to take her places in public without paranoia, and casually call her “my girlfriend” in conversation with strangers and/or coworkers. Alison deserves to be taken care of while also spoiled, and that’s becoming important when it comes to how Emily thinks. She wants to feel like this is real on all fronts, public and in private, and maybe it’s time to make a move to solidify that ━ but only if Alison wants it, just as much.

“What do you think about me leaving the company?”

The sudden question makes Alison frown, more so at its randomness. Emily doesn’t look at her, seeming like she’s lost in thought with serious features, staring toward the upper part of the wall where it meets the ceiling.

“Are you speaking hypothetically, or…?” Alison doesn’t know what else to ask for the time being, squinting.

“I’m not sure,” Emily admits, the idea being prominent in her head for a while now. “I just…” she makes a funny sound with her lips. “It’s been on my mind, lately. I’m good at it, sure, but… I don’t love it. It’s just work to me. It’s not a lifestyle, or anything like that.”

As much as she wants to be with Alison, Emily also feels the need to take care of herself ━ both because she knows it’s necessary and because she promised her father. She’d been thinking about this “move” for a while now, only strengthening this week when she caught herself partly twirling in her chair with her posture slumped and fingers literally slapping her keys down. In fact, she became more fascinated with a jar of rubber bands nearby, accidentally ━ not really ━ flinging one into Alison’s office before hiding in her cubicle to watch the blonde’s reaction through the crack in her desk. The girl didn’t react to the immature rubber-band-launching like Emily had pictured, only having her eyes glance upward before the brunette’s phone lit up with a text that read:

_ “You’re a child.” _

She frowned and raised her head over the barrier of her desk, Alison only able to see pouting, brown eyes peering at her over the grey wall, and a smirk formed across the blonde’s mouth before sending another text:

_ “Ten points if you can reach the bookcase behind me, negative infinity if you accidentally hit me.” _

Nevertheless, at the end of the day, clearly her happiness doesn’t come from being an accountant, and maybe that’s because she was never destined to love this job; perhaps it’s time for a change so her spirits will be lifted not only because she’s loved and cared for by the beautiful girl sitting next to her, but because she’s loving and caring for herself.

And she  _ does  _ deserve it.

Alison pays attention to the silence, finally listening to a quiet yet serious “I don’t want to be one of those people who go through their life working at a job that’s dull and tiring. I want to…”

Emily makes a vague face as her thought trails off.

“I get that,” Alison offers without missing a beat. “Do you have anything else in mind? Something you’d  _ like  _ to do, I mean.”

“I’d love to do what Toby does, honestly,” a shrug comes with her statement, smile forming. “I’m good at boxing, and, when I  _ want  _ to, I know all the correct techniques and rules.”

She nods, matching her girlfriend’s growing, happy attitude; her insides warm up, feeling proud.

“Sometimes I just get so tired of being stuck in an office building,” Emily laughs and shakes her head, more so at how boring it sounds.

“Why? You don’t like seeing me every day?” Alison narrows her eyes and playfully accuses, her girlfriend chuckling again.

“I love seeing you every day.”

Alison hums, shifting along the cushions and moving her body so she’s almost on top of the other girl. She cuddles close, whispering, “I understand what you’re saying.” 

As the words come out, she moves Emily’s arm so it’s around her shoulders while her head lies somewhat against her chest, “And I support whatever decision you make, Em. Even though I’m kinda selfish, and seeing you is,  _ admittedly _ , the best part of my day,” she shyly grins, “I want you to do what makes you happy.”

After Emily smiles at the heartfelt reply, she swallows hard, “It’s…” she has to seal her lips for a moment, wondering if she should come out with what she wants to say, “it’s also because I’d like to, someday soon, be able to… be with you. With no worries or…  _ stress _ .” 

Her own honesty and straight-up response surprises her, eyes drifting down to the floor when Alison smiles and tilts her chin upward. When Emily almost refuses to look at her, Alison hums comfortingly, whispering with conviction, “And that’ll happen someday soon.”

Brown eyes look into blue once Emily feels safe enough to glance at her, studying the color and watching something sparkle within.

“Do you want it to?” she settles on asking, not wanting to trace a lie within her gaze, but paying attention; the brunette doesn’t want to be the only one ready to take things to a new stage of their relationship so soon, praying she isn’t alone.

“Yes.”

The corners of her mouth turn upward when she hears the seriousness, Alison following through on what she told her girlfriend and trusting her for the both of them. Ever since that mess went down, Alison has gotten nothing but genuinity from Emily in terms of, well,  _ everything _ . She’s honest, and understanding, and appealing to be around. Sure, they still have some things to work on and, heck, they’re still learning one another, but it’s become such a comforting relationship in a small amount of days, and, quite frankly, the turnaround is stunning but welcomed. 

Alison smiles when Emily continues to look at her, finally and slowly leaning up to press a kiss to her lips as she’s never fully satisfied ━ though she figures that’s a good thing.

“Very soon,” she whispers against her girlfriend’s mouth, the first word stunning them both for a split second. “I promise.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …Verrry soon.
> 
> It looks like Emily’s starting to turn her way of thinking around. Good for her! It’s imperative to grow and mature in a variety aways, and Emily is beginning to check things off her list of self-improvement. Now, we get to see her realizing and repeating to herself that, yeah, she does deserve happiness and care from every angle. That’s an assload of improvement since we were first introduced to her deep-rooted thoughts, coming from her tendency to believe her friends stuck by her when they probably shouldn’t have and everything else negative… to understanding that she not only deserves to be cared for by those people around her, but also by herself. Overall, she’s forcing herself to keep her mind open, and she's evolving, but there's still some ways to go (and she won't even heal completely within this story because, let's be real, it takes a long-ass time), however she's finally happy, in some light.
> 
> Small note: Emily's worry about not being as upset about her father's death as she thinks she should be is somewhat similar to how Alison was irritated with herself for not being as angry at Emily as she thought she should be. They're two different instances, yes (very much so), but I think we, as humans, get pissed off or stressed out when we don't feel an emotion like we expected to, therefore I find it interesting, and found it good to note. 
> 
> What do you think about Emily leaving the company? I want to stress the fact that she’s not debating on following through with this solely because she wants to be with Alison (though it’s a huge plus), but because she’s not happy there. Sure, she’s not sad or upset whenever she’s there, but she’s bored and confined to a space that only looks grey to her. So, we flash back to a past chapter where she wondered if this situation with Alison is/was a blessing in disguise, pushing her to make some life-altering moves regarding her choices in life, and the answer she discovered is yes; because of Alison, she’s found the need to reevaluate how she cares for herself and detect what’s dragging her down, finally making the decision to change that to find true happiness within herself and her environment. Alison’s support and presence is only going to help her through this, and we’re heading toward positive outcomes.
> 
> Even though small and only in flashback-form, the conversation between Emily/Hanna/Aria is the start of these three making amends. Their relationship had gotten shaky over the past however-many chapters, but it's going to heal, and they'll be included in the next update ━ A.K.A. that BIG chapter. Get excited. 
> 
> Also, before I go, Alison… you sly little shit… going into work early just so you can bump into Emily more than if you came in on time. Mm.
> 
> I’ll see you soon, and, in the meantime, I’ll be working on the eighth chapter of that hypothetical, new, Emison AU fic.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's hump day.
> 
> It's also posting day.
> 
> Let's get down to it: Someone asked a question over the three-day hiatus about how Emily is dealing with Ben, nowadays. Well, I'd say she's standing on more-solid ground, after everything, and finds the means to ignore him. Otherwise, maybe Alison is keeping her distance from him. I think both are valid, but we can assume he hasn't pissed Emily off to the point of ranting about it, lately ━ and let's keep it that way.
> 
> At the bottom of this chapter, I've got a small surprise for you. Spoiler alert: It's about my new, upcoming, Emison-AU story.
> 
> You'll have to push through this dinosaur-sized chapter (fun fact: I love dinosaurs so much) to get to the (non-official) summary, though.
> 
> Have you placed your bets yet? (See what I did there?)

“So, how long have you two been together, again?” Mona questions Hanna with her arms crossed, slightly leaning forward as her eyes widen because she hadn’t heard a damn thing about this relationship. “Why wasn’t I told?”

“I… didn’t tell anyone,” her sheepish answer comes with a tint of regret lying beneath the surface.

“But I’m not just anyone,” the girl continues to argue, Emily and Aria rolling their eyes with a playful attitude from where they stand in the small huddle.

They linger near the east wall of Emily’s apartment, their group of four talking about Hanna’s relationship with Caleb and getting every answer they’re searching for. Opposing their posse, Alison’s friends ━ Toby, additionally ━ hang around near the couch and chairs in front of the TV, the blonde keeping an eye on the baseball game’s score because of the bet they made the previous night.

Although Emily wasn’t necessarily riding on the atmosphere between them, she can tell that Alison is just as frustrated but trying harder to keep to herself. It spiked a level higher once the game finally came on, both girls sharing a look but breathing out while their friends had no idea of the bet. For the most part, they’ve been focusing on being good hosts, having ordered pizza for their guests to go with the drinks they bought. It’s turned out great, in fact, and everyone gets along perfectly despite recent events, giving them both a big sigh of relief ━ not to say they were very worried, in the first place.

Emily blinks hard to focus back on the conversation, though she doesn’t get far because, before she can really zone in on what Hanna and Mona are bickering about, Alison comes up behind her and whispers, “Tied game,” in the most sultry tone, causing goosebumps to shoot up her arms and the back of her neck.

She wants to exhale at the feeling and regain a sense of energy and ignorance, but Alison keeps giving her eyes that pierce right through her, and Emily has to look away. Truly, she won't lie and say she's not nervous about the outcome of the game ━ in either sense ━ but there's a nagging feeling biting at her hormones because the Red Sox  _ were  _ winning, though now it seems they've blown their lead in the fifth inning. Emily bites her lower lip; who knew her sex life would practically ride on the result of a baseball game. 

“But it’s…  _ serious _ ,” Mona says rather than asks, a scandalous smirk curving her lips as she looks at Hanna whose cheeks redden a tint while her eyes dart away.

“Wait,” Alison interrupts, “you finally told them?”

“What do you mean?” the other blonde frowns, looking skeptical of her question.

Her mouth opens but nothing comes out, not knowing how Hanna is going to react ━ or Emily, in her own way. It’s not like she hid this secret out of spite, no, but they may be a little put-off at the fact that she didn’t mention it or give anyone a simple notice. She presses her tongue to her inner cheek, internally cursing at herself for letting the question slip like it was nothing.

“Mr. Russo gave me a heads-up about your relationship with Caleb,” her explanation earns a round of surprised expressions except from Mona who only listens. “It wasn’t bad. He just wanted to let me know that people were talking about it.”

Hanna’s expression drops a bit, the urge to panic rising but also dwindling because Alison doesn’t seem angry or tip-toey about it.

“How long have you known?” Emily looks at Alison who only turns to her with childish, “don’t be mad” features.

“I found out on Wednesday,” a sigh comes with it. “ _ That _ Wednesday.” 

Emily visibly puts two and two together when her eyes widen and then go back to how they were, giving Alison a half-smile that says she’s not angry. It’s returned automatically, maybe a bit more apologetic, and Hanna clears her throat on the other side of the gathering with Aria narrowing her eyes at her blonde friend.

“How did random people manage to find out about you two, but  _ we  _ didn’t?” she gestures to herself and Emily.

“Well, if Hanna still has a thing for public sex, then━” Mona gets elbowed in the side as she tries to muffle her voice with her drink, coughing into it.

“Ew,” Emily mumbles while bowing her head, Alison snickering next to her.

“I don’t know,” Hanna shrugs one shoulder. “Maybe we weren’t as careful as I thought.”

Alison nods and raises her eyebrows, wanting to look in Emily’s direction but also not having the desire to put the brunette’s nerves on alert; she’s not upset about anything and doesn’t want her girlfriend to think so, but it’s a valid thing to think about. How careful have  _ they  _ been? Even if they never get physically close at work, she knows they’re still exchanging glances that are on the more-intense side, so who knows which coworkers could’ve picked up on it. 

At least there hasn’t been a panic recently, Alison internally muses; she’s been quite calm and nonchalant about the situation, leaving them both feeling good. Either way, this won’t be forever, and the sudden thought of soon being out of the metaphorical, relationship closet with Emily makes her smile. When she catches herself, however, she has to cross her arms while pretending to be mindless of the conversation in order to cover up her blatant, cheesy happiness.

“All  _ I  _ know is that I can’t believe you hid this for that long,” Emily’s words are pointed.

“Hey, you’re no better for not telling us about  _ your  _ relationship,” Aria throws at the other brunette, getting a jaw-dropped, incredulous reaction.

A curt chuckle exits her throat, also through amusement, “My situation is a bit more complicated. Caleb isn’t working at a higher position, and, unlike him, you guys actually knew her before we got together,” she gestures to Alison. “We know nothing about this guy!”

Contrary to her airy, joking statement, everyone can hear the small amount of worry lying beneath her words, and Hanna slumps her shoulders with a sigh.

“Fine, okay,” she gets out through one breath, relenting, “I’ll invite you guys to dinner soon,” it’s punctuated with an understanding half-smile. “Happy now?”

Aria and Emily stare at one another, eventually nodding with emphatic, stone-like features that are playfully annoyed with their third friend. Alison shakes her head next to Emily, turning to her girlfriend and quirking an eyebrow at her protectiveness. She shifts on her feet, bumping into the girl’s arm as Mona gets out a drawled “So, Alison…” and Emily immediately wants to crawl into a hole because she can already see the devious grin on her friend’s face. 

Alison hums, telling her to continue with an attentive, friendly smile.

“Did Emily ever ask you if you’d like to come with me to get our nails done?” her eyes are narrowed, still looking in said brunette’s direction. 

In response, Emily makes a face, and Alison turns to her so she needs to wipe it away. Still assessing her girlfriend’s attitude, Alison squints hard and replies, “No, she didn’t,” before turning to Mona and accepting, “but I’d love to.”

The brunette grimaces at the offer being taken with open arms, still having the desire to burrow herself in a pile of dirt while Hanna and Aria laugh at the disgusted face she makes. 

“Be afraid,” Aria comments with a smile, taunting Emily.

“Be  _ very  _ afraid,” Hanna adds with another snicker, Alison turning her head when she hears CeCe question, “Why are we afraid?” as the others approach so their groups collide. 

Emily huffs as Hanna almost-robotically responds, “Mona invited Alison for some one-on-one, girl time to get their nails done so they can also gossip about Emily.”

The brunette wants to face-palm, Alison and Aria giggling while CeCe purses her lips and impressively nods.

“It wasn’t originally to gossip,” Mona feigns hurt, features softening, “though I wouldn’t be opposed to answering secretive questions if she asked.”

Alison smirks while Emily frowns, her reaction being both from the conversation and Toby’s entertained chuckling coming from the side of her. She turns with furrowed eyebrows, afterwards raising them and laughing more so to herself, “Maybe I should hang out with Spencer and dish some background stories on you.”

On cue, Toby shuts up with a “you wouldn’t do that,” tight-lipped smile, and Spencer opens her mouth with an inviting eyebrow-raise, laughing, “I’m totally down.”

“ _ Ooh _ , can I come?” CeCe appears as hopeful as a little kid.

“Sure,” Emily’s answer is smooth. 

“What about me?” Alison blinks her eyelashes, Emily sealing her lips and shaking her head with adamancy. “What?” her voice is quick. “Why not? They’re  _ my  _ friends.” 

“Hey, we still have to make assessments on whether or not Emily is in the clear,” Spencer shrugs and saves the other brunette’s ass, talking like it’s the most obvious thing in the world as Alison glares between the two before relenting with a slouched posture.

Normally, Emily would be nervous at the statement and think she’s going to be lectured and/or watched until the end of time, but her eyes shift between CeCe and Spencer to see both girls wearing welcoming expressions and soft smiles that say she’s okay. Emily returns the sentiment more fully, thinking back to the conversation they had roughly an hour ago when she pulled them away from the others for a few minutes. 

_ “I wanted to apologize to both of you,” Emily starts through wringing hands and a deep breath. _

_ They stand between the walls of the short hallway leading to her bedroom, Alison’s friends having their arms crossed but not in angry demeanors. She notes that they’re attentive but maybe a bit apprehensive following the shitty events that took place, Spencer’s attitude coming off like she’s reading into Emily’s features whereas CeCe is guarded but also understanding. _

_ She swallows hard and carries on, “I know you care for Alison like a sister, and that’s something I respect because I feel it with Hanna and Aria. I’d hate it if someone hurt either one of them, and, honestly, I’d probably be pissed if they forgave a person I believed didn’t deserve it,” the comparison ends with brown eyes drifting to the side of the hallway, every sting of guilt flowing through her again. _

_ “I realize that’s likely how you felt about me, or even still feel,” the pause interrupting her apology invites another deep breath, the two girls staring at her. “I hurt someone super important to you guys, and, who knows, maybe you don’t want to forgive me for that,” her voice lowers, chin tilting downward. _

_ Emily raises her eyebrows, almost talking to the floor, “I mean… I, myself, don’t even want to forgive me for the things I’ve done, but I have to,” straightening her back out, she looks between Spencer and CeCe while softening her attitude with a sad smile. “She asked me to, and… I think I owe it to her to listen for once. I’m trying to be a better person, and I want you to know that.”  _

_ She sees them blink almost in-sync, the sight being a tad unnerving, but she doesn’t back down. _

_ “I’m working on myself so I’m deserving of someone like Ali. She’s important to me, and she’s…” no more words come out, struggling to come up with something that’ll even vaguely measure up to Alison’s worth, and she never finds anything monumental to say ━ which is great, she internally muses, but kind of disheartening when she wants to portray her feelings for the blonde in front of her friends.  _

_ “Different?” CeCe fills in the blank with a knowing yet questionative tone as she remembers what word Alison used to describe Emily. _

_ She flashes a kind smile within seconds, one that Emily matches with shy eyes, and Spencer feels the corners of her mouth turning upward, as well.  _

_ “One of a kind,” Emily partly laughs, blushing even though she seals her lips and tries to hide it. _

Emily blinks hard and wants to shake her head to focus again, though she doesn’t get the chance because Alison is helping out by absentmindedly nudging closer. Toby looks uneasy as Emily glances at him, appearing sheepish with stiff body language like he wants to crawl under a rock, and Spencer smiles next to him as Hanna beams before smirking, “Don’t worry, Toby, you can still hang out with Aria and I.”

He goes to open his mouth and probably protest, but Aria quickly interrupts with one eye squinted in thought. 

“Actually, why don’t we go to his apartment?” she looks at Hanna with a tilted head. “We haven’t hung out there in a while, and I bet it could use some… freshening up.”

“I really don’t like the sound of that,” Toby huffs, also chuckling in dismay as everyone else laughs quietly.

“You probably shouldn’t,” Mona agrees with a curt nod, “but send me pics when you’re done,” she directs at Aria and Hanna with a point, getting a frown from Toby.

“Same,” Emily bluntly adds.

“They’re coming to ruin your apartment, next,” Toby flings the comment at the brunette who last spoke.

“I think they would’ve done it, by now,” she sounds smug.

“Is that an invitation?” Hanna smiles heavily again, beaming in a creepy way.

“No.”

“I think it was,” CeCe chimes.

“No, that’s Ali’s job, now,” Spencer turns the tables of the conversation, looking at the blonde she mentioned.

Although Emily goes to say something with a laugh, Alison runs over whatever thought she had, coming out with a soft and loving “I think it’s already cozy enough” that stuns both of her friends due to her tone and the surrounding atmosphere; quite frankly, the blonde looks love-drunk on the idea of staying at her girlfriend’s, and the sight is new with a slight oddness. 

“Define cozy…” her blonde friend coaxes in front of everyone ━ in front of  _ Emily  _ ━ and Alison gives her wide, “shut up” eyes.

Spencer and CeCe pick up on the hint, and one half of the pair hums with a tune that’s smug and wise, followed by a prodding “Speaking of,” she clears her throat, “Ali, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Me too,” the other girl piggybacks onto the friendly chat, Alison wanting to throw her head back with a loud groan because she knows this is about to turn into some sort of interrogation about her feelings.

Nevertheless, she follows with Emily turning her head to watch Alison walk away, but her sight is snapped when Mona comments, “Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer,” and the girl sucks up a large inhale once facing her friends again.

Alison walks into the small, apartment bathroom, having to refrain from rolling her eyes because it reminds her all too much of the time her friends cornered her in the bathroom at Heroes’ after coming into contact with Emily. CeCe locks the door, and Alison pushes herself against the counter whilst crossing her arms as she’s faced by two girls who tilt their heads to the side and study the face she’s making.

“What?” it comes out with a laugh, feeling nervous because she knows she can’t hide her strong emotions anymore ━ and it’s not like she ever could, when it comes to them.

“Have you told her yet?” the other blonde instantly jumps to the nitty-gritty, looking enthralled in the conversation even though it hasn’t totally started yet.

“Told her what?” her voice shakes and everyone in the room hears it, Alison wanting to roll her eyes and scold herself for not acting as confident as she wishes she’d be when being confronted.

“Don’t act dumb,” CeCe makes a pointed face, mouth falling into a straight line. “We’ve dealt with you for a while now, and we know what it looks like when you love someone.”

Alison disrupts eye contact with CeCe to look at Spencer for assistance on the topic, the brunette denying that support and bluntly saying, “You love her.”

She tries to force a response out before too much time passes, only finding the strength to laugh curtly and sound amused with a half-assed, not-exactly-denying “Where is this coming from?”

CeCe crosses her arms in defense and smugness, “We saw the look in your eye when you said you like her apartment. It was pretty telling,” she finishes with a light yet convictive tone, acting like it’s no big deal even though she’s sure Alison will try to escape the accusation.

“Seriously?” it’s confirmed when the other blonde deadpans at her reasoning. “It’s an apartment.”

“It’s a symbol for comfort and warmth,” Spencer raises her eyebrows and points out a metaphorical fact, Alison rolling her eyes and bowing her head because it’s not like she’s going to━ 

CeCe makes a face, “And don’t give us that _ ‘seriously?’ _ as if it’s far-fetched because you know that  _ we  _ know you’re feeling things, and we  _ also  _ know that━”

“Okay!” Alison interrupts with her voice cracking. “No, I haven’t told her,” the end of her statement is muttered, trying to be quiet even though the door is closed.

“Why not? You can’t possibly think she doesn’t feel the same.”

It gets a pair of shy eyes from Alison, not giving either of her friends much of a glance at her timid nature although her overall body language gives it away. She bites her inner cheek as she hears a half-groaned “Oh, come on” from CeCe, resulting in a defensive spike in her chest.

“What?” she hears herself squeak, bug-eyed. “It’s a valid worry!”

The claim invites a new, nervous attitude, her friends sharing some sort of silent agreement before relenting when it comes to being pushy on the subject. CeCe approaches with a deep breath, firmly placing her hands on Alison’s shoulders as blue eyes glance up to meet hers, and she licks her lips before speaking. 

“Okay,” she exhales, and Alison stares at her, “I don’t usually do this, but if you want me to ask her for you━”

“Don’t you dare,” her playful offer is cut off with a warning, CeCe snickering as Spencer shakes her head.

“I’m kidding,” a leftover giggle comes with it before turning serious again, “but I really think you should tell her. I knew you were feeling something strong when I was over your house that night, but I didn’t want to mention it. Now, I’m mentioning it,” she goes wide-eyed, reinforcing the idea that it’s time.

“No pressure, though,” Spencer intervenes, and Alison looks past the other blonde to listen fully. “We just… we want you happy. She makes you happy.”

Alison focuses back on CeCe who gives her a tight-lipped grin and nods like a kid, confirming what Spencer said. In response, she grants them a subtle, timid nod of her own, also muttering, “You’re right, she does,” before taking a breath, lowering her chin, and adding, “and I  _ should  _ tell her.”

“When you’re ready,” again, Spencer’s tone is calm while CeCe furrows her eyebrows and turns to the brunette with wide eyes and a look that tell her to stop dwindling their progress.

“I am,” Alison swallows hard. “I just haven’t found the right time. I don’t want to make it this big thing, but… it kinda is a big thing for me. After Elliott…” she shakes her head, “I didn’t expect this.”

“The best things in life are unexpected.”

Both turn to Spencer who smiles warmly at her own words, Alison ending up laughing at it and accepting it as the truth. CeCe agrees in her own way, pursing her lips while raising her eyebrows with a look that says she can fuck with that idea, and their group moment is only put to an end when Spencer suggests, “We should probably get back to everyone. I’m sure they’re wondering why we’ve been stuffed in a bathroom together for five minutes.”

“You just wanna get back to your  _ boyfriend _ ,” coming with a gagging noise, CeCe taunts Spencer as Alison snickers from where she follows the two out the door.

Her friends walk faster than she does, taking her time waltzing back into the room because their words are rolling around in her mind, and she’s going to have to kill both CeCe and Spencer if the nagging thoughts don’t stop for the span of this party. She shakes her head with a soft grunt, seeing everyone ━ with the exception of Emily who lingers in the kitchen while making a drink ━ sitting along the couches and chairs with the baseball game playing in front of them. Only Toby really pays attention to the game, not to say it’s religiously because Spencer keeps him occupied with conversation, as well, but Emily periodically glances at the TV from where she stands ━ likely to make sure it’s still tied. 

Alison smirks at the thought of her girlfriend’s team blowing their lead, the expression fading as she approaches quietly and gingerly wraps her arms around the girl’s waist. At the warm sensation engulfing part of her body, Emily smiles and gradually stops mixing her drink, trying her best to look over her shoulder in order to catch a glimpse of Alison leaning against her back.

Realizing that Alison doesn’t have the desire to let go anytime soon, Emily goes back to her previous activities and begins mixing her drink again, but her mind grows distracted when the girl’s arms tighten around her. It’s not that she’s been insanely clouded by frustration solely because of the bet they made, but their often-close proximity has been nagging at her hormones since yesterday’s visit from the blonde. 

Throughout most of the evening, they found themselves kissing heatedly on the couch and sharing deep glances that were far too breath-taking considering how they hadn’t fallen into bed for over a week and they’ve had no real outlet. She thought she’d at least have a night of snuggles and closeness to satisfy her in  _ some  _ sense, but that idea collapsed once Alison started to get up in order to leave. 

_ “Since I’m sleeping over your house for the next week, I think it’s best if I go home tonight,” at first, Alison’s voice is blunt and amused, but it falters when it begins to trail off into a sweet yet regretful tone, Emily pouting at the statement even though she can’t help but feel excited about her girlfriend (undoubtedly) staying over for seven whole days. _

_ When Alison sees the tiny, sad face she makes, she matches it before speaking again. _

_ “I know,” it comes with a sigh, “but you’ll have me for a week straight, and I’m picking you up for a quick breakfast tomorrow morning before we shop for the party, so… you’ll be seeing me soon enough.” _

_ Emily doesn’t respond, part of her wanting to deny there being a practical idea of “soon enough” when it comes to seeing her, but her lips stay sealed, and Alison takes a step closer while tilting her head to the side. _

_ “I told you,” Alison smiles, “I don’t want you to get sick of me.” _

_ “And I told you I won’t,” Emily weakly argues, feeling gentle hands grip at her shirt. _

_ “Mm,” their lips connect, “we’ll see what you think after a week.” _

Alison, of course, texted Emily when she got home, and, from there, they continued holding a conversation for most of the night. The majority of messages were fluffy and playful, opposing their old, stiff conversations via texting when Emily first got Alison’s number.

In the morning, their plans held up for breakfast when the two went to a nearby cafe. It was nice to feel like they were out in the open as a couple, not to say they were putting their relationship on a blatant display in the coffee shop, and Emily smiled at the concept while Alison did the same next to her. Sadly, for a moment, the brunette’s relief stammered when she caught a young man’s eyes practically glued to Alison, only to smirk when Emily looked at him as if he thought it was the most amusing thing. She didn’t give him the time of day, and she’s still proud of herself for that, only pulling Alison closer in a mindless way as the blonde smiled at her and whispered,  _ “This is nice,” _ when two of their fingers loosely tangled. Her heart fluttered at the words, getting hit with another wave of relief because it seemed that Alison was enjoying their time together just as much as she was. Paranoia be damned, she grinned like a young kid.

Although she didn’t pay much attention to the man at the coffee shop while they were there, and she didn’t let his wandering eyes ruin their alone time, Emily felt herself driven to be honest with Alison when it came to the sting of jealousy that drove through her, so, once they were back at her apartment, she leaned her backside against the counter to discuss her insecurities with her girlfriend.

_ “Do I have anything to worry about?” she realizes that her question pretty much came out of nowhere, but she refuses to back down. “Like… other people?” _

_ Alison stops unpacking the bottles of alcohol and other groceries, turning to lean against the counter while tilting her head to the side. She doesn’t look angry or upset, but confused and as if she has so many of her own questions to voice. _

_ Emily explains, “I’m not asking this because I’m upset over anything like a week ago,” she looks away, drumming up more confidence, “but I need to know. Sometimes I see people looking at you, and I━I need to know that…” her mouth opens and closes, scolding herself for losing the courage she just conjured up mere seconds ago. _

_ “You have nothing to worry about,” Alison confirms with a smile that matches the words she speaks. “My ex-husband is gone, thank God,” she makes a face with raised eyebrows, “and I don’t want anyone besides you, okay? No one in the office, no one on the streets… no one. Just you.” _

_ From where she stands, Emily studies Alison’s body language and listens to her words on a loop, also peering into her eyes while wondering if she’s hiding something or lying. It’s not that she doesn’t trust the girl, but maybe she’ll always be defensive in a way that makes her seek out answers before believing something. _

_ “You can read me just as much as I can read you, Em,” the blonde gives her a tiny, faded smile, understanding what she’s doing and why. “I’m not hiding anything from you.” _

_ Even without Alison’s words, Emily can’t find anything hidden behind loving, blue eyes. She begins to smile to match Alison’s, the blonde approaching slowly until she’s only a foot away and looking completely open to Emily’s worries while hoping to wipe them away with trust and honesty.  _

_ “I promise…” Alison whispers, “there’s no one else, and there’s not going to be anyone else.” _

In that moment, Emily saw a particular sparkle in Alison’s eye, and it made her fingertips shake with both nerves and excitement. It brought back memories of when they spoke about her father and how Alison is willing to give her whatever love she needs, that four-letter word making a couple of appearances in the conversation while that same glint came into the blonde’s eye. If she’s being honest, it makes her feel relaxed to know that she’s not the only one feeling this strongly, and it’s even given her a slight push when it comes to preparing herself for spilling that important, three-word phrase so their relationship is taken to the next level. She hopes her actions have supported the emotion she feels, wanting Alison to feel loved on every front and in every aspect, but those words have such a big meaning, and Emily swallows hard when realizing that she’ll have to voice them sooner or later. Alison deserves it, and so does she; they’re both made for love, no matter how rough-around-the-edges their hearts are. 

Alison’s arms shift around her waist, and Emily notices that she’s still being held onto, turning her body with the girl’s grip loosening for the time being. They’re face to face within seconds, Emily grinning and whispering, “Comfortable?” with a teasing tone that Alison bites her lower lip at.

She doesn’t get the chance to answer, both girls turning to the TV when they hear the announcers’ voices sound emphatic. Alison deviously beams when she sees that the Yankees have pulled ahead just moments ago within the seventh inning, and Emily’s mouth opens at the new number on the board. She’s not sure if her nerves regarding the outcome are making it seem ten times more tedious, or if it’s the actual length of the game since both teams are pitching horribly, but her throat feels dry while Alison smirks hard with a deep chuckle. 

Emily wants to move away when Alison leans in for a kiss, but she only gets her face turned partly so lips graze the corner of her mouth, and the blonde rolls her eyes at the mild hissy-fit. Alison walks away when she sees a tiny, still-pouty smile on Emily’s face, brown eyes tracing her figure and noting her outfit like they had when she first put it on, earlier. Alison wears a baggy yet thin, button-up flannel shirt, bottomed by shorts that are barely shown since the hem of her top is pretty long, and her hair falls loosely against her shoulders like usual. Emily, herself, wears a grey, v-neck t-shirt with a Red Sox logo on the left side of her chest, matched with her own pair of shorts. She seals her lips when remembering Alison’s comment regarding her shirt, afterwards shaking her head.

_ “Okay, now you definitely wore that shirt because you knew I’d be here,” it comes with a teasing eye-roll even though she continues to move closer. “You look good, though,” a single kiss is placed to Emily’s mouth. _

_ “Good enough to change your mind if the Yankees win?” the brunette pries, smirking hard. _

_ “Mm, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” _

Her memory is broken when she sees Hanna and Aria near the door with Alison following close by. At the sight, she frowns and moves over to her friends, still looking upset that they’re seemingly leaving earlier than she expected.

“Leaving already?”

Hanna offers her a sad grin, “Yeah, I actually promised Caleb I’d see him tonight, but I didn’t want to miss out on this little get-together, so.”

“And I drove her here,” Aria adds with a small shrug. “Not our best plan.”

Emily nods with a face of realization, “Thanks for coming, then.”

Silence fills the space in the middle of the four girls, Hanna gradually gaining a timid attitude as her eyes constantly dart in Alison’s direction before fleeing and looking away. Emily notices but doesn’t say anything, however doesn’t have to when Hanna decides to bite whatever nervousness she has in the ass.

“Should I be worried?” she asks the other blonde who hums in question. “About what Mr. Russo said to you,” her voice falters, sinking lower, “about my relationship with Caleb.”

Alison shakes her head, “Don’t worry. I’m taking care of it.”

The answer gets a shaky smile from Hanna, “Why doesn’t that make me feel much better?”

It earns a laugh, “It’d be kinda hypocritical of me if I took severe action, wouldn’t it?”

“She has a point,” Aria agrees.

“I haven’t seen any issues  _ so far _ ,” blue eyes become pointed and jokingly lecturing, practically telling Hanna to keep it that way.

“Got it,” Hanna says through an exhale, looking at Alison, “thank you.”

The two hug as Emily does the same to Aria, afterwards their embraces switching between people. She opens the door for her friends, getting a “Thanks for the fun night” from both and smiling in return, watching them shuffle down the hallway until they’re out of sight. 

Once they’re gone and the door is closed, she turns around to see Alison back with the others, wasting no time before following suit and sitting on the couch next to her girlfriend who’s already sided by CeCe as Spencer and Toby are situated adjacently, Mona now diagonal from Emily. 

She adjusts herself in the seat, wanting to get comfortable even though Alison’s leg is brushing against hers and it’s hard to deal with when she sees that the Yankees’ fresh lead is seemingly holding up for now. Alison can tell what she’s thinking and wants to smirk at the blatant frustration but manages to keep on a solid face, only leaning her body further into her girlfriend’s as CeCe eyes the two.

“So,” the taller blonde begins with a deep voice, “I overheard your conversation over there…”

Alison turns to her, getting the sudden question, “What about you and Em?” as Spencer shoots CeCe a face that asks her what the fuck she’s doing; confrontations in front of other people have never resulted in the best outcomes and they all know it, but this seems at least relatively safe as Toby and Mona are also listening to whatever the answer is about to be.

“What?” CeCe’s voice cracks when she finally sees Spencer’s glare. “I’ve been curious.” 

“What about us?” Alison’s first question to answer CeCe’s ends up wavering as it exits her throat, not sounding confident but certainly put on the spot.

Emily looks at her girlfriend, making sure she’s not overly uncomfortable or else she’d divert the conversation to something else, but Alison gives her a reassuring smile that no one else can understand. 

“Are you doing anything about your relationship? In terms of at work,” the blonde’s specific wonder is now hard to ignore, Alison opening her mouth before closing it within seconds.

“We’ve…” she looks at Emily, Mona assessing the situation from where she sits with intent eyes, “we’ve been talking about it.” 

Her eyes flicker to CeCe again, mood uplifting with a smile and raised eyebrows, “You know I won’t leave you out of the loop once we make some sort of solid decision.”

“But you’re happy,” Mona coaxes, getting a cheeky, full grin from Emily and a similar one from Alison.

They want to respond and confirm the idea because they’re beyond happy that it’s indescribable, but neither get the chance before the conversation is broken up by the Red Sox scoring a multitude of points via home run, Alison’s mouth falling into a playfully annoyed straight line whereas Emily turns to her girlfriend and bounces her eyebrows when she sees that her team is now up by two points, one inning left. 

CeCe sees the two reacting in opposite fashions, glaring at the couple with a subtle smirk that fades when she clears her throat and interrupts their silent entertainment with a sharp “Do we even  _ want  _ to know?”

Her question is only answered by Alison bowing her head with a soft laugh and blushing cheeks, Emily biting her lower lip inconspicuously so no one can capitalize on the topic. Even if she noticeably reacted, the forming conversation is broken up, anyway, when Mona gathers her small purse with a huff and a tired-sounding “As much fun as this has been, it’s time for me to head out,” before stopping herself, straightening her back, and mindlessly saying, “Wow, that sounded a lot bitchier than intended, sorry.”

“I’m used to it, don’t worry,” Emily teases, Mona sticking her tongue out.

“You’re leaving with…” Toby turns to look at the TV, “literally less than an inning left?”

Mona quirks an eyebrow and quickly retorts, “You seem to be under the impression that I was watching the game with enthusiasm from the get-go.” 

He relents with raised eyebrows and an expression that says she has a point, Emily and Alison following Mona to the door to walk their guest out. She scrolls through her phone as she approaches the door until she’s staring at it, turning to the two girls behind her and giving them sweet smiles and an upbeat, emphatic “It’s been  _ lovely _ .”

“Look who lost the bitchiness from before,” the brunette continues to taunt her friend, getting an eye-roll.

“I can change that in an instant, if you’d like.”

“I know you can, but no,” Emily steps forward, hugging the girl.

“I can’t believe you’re actually hugging me,” when the embrace is broken, Mona looks at Emily with a firm hold on her shoulders, soon glancing past her to stare at Alison with a disbelieving “You’re drugging her, aren’t you?”

Alison chuckles at the question whereas Emily narrows her eyes, backing up so the two can say their goodbyes. Mona doesn’t hesitate to hug Alison, their embrace being far warmer even though it’s certainly a bit foreign, and they give each other knowing looks about the overall situation before the dark-haired girl breaks it and says, “Don’t forget about our little date.” 

“Definitely not,” Alison’s reply is immediate. “I need to get my nails done,” she looks at her hand and Emily does the same, Mona muttering, “And that’s my cue to leave,” as the brunette frowns at the words because she knows what she’s referring to, particularly when she gives them both a single glare that’s pretty telling.

Her exit is short, simply sauntering down the hallway with an attitude only Mona has. Emily shakes her head and laughs at the thought, turning back and, again, shutting the door behind her to see that her team successfully closed out the game with a quick, three-out, final inning. Alison sees the game’s ending score, as well, just as she’s sitting down on the couch, and, within seconds, her girlfriend is reclaiming her seat from before with a smug stare that she wants to roll her eyes at ━ or comment on, just to put her on the spot in front of everyone. Of course, she doesn’t have the time to do it because, at the sight of the pair staring at one another, CeCe takes it upon herself to bring it up. 

“Do you two want to be alone?” she narrows her eyes with Spencer smirking nearby, Toby currently not paying attention. 

“What? No, it’s fine,” Alison rolls her eyes like she wanted to moments ago, not having the desire to be roped into the teasing whereas Emily deserves it. 

“Mm,” Spencer flatly hums, still looking smug.

When no one responds, a wave of silence is brought into the space between friends. It’s comfortable and content, albeit a bit tired on some accounts, and the quietness lasts for a good two minutes while everyone pays attention to nothing in particular. 

“This was fun,” seeing that no one is about to say anything, Spencer takes it upon herself to break the silence. “Thanks for inviting us,” she directs at Emily with a smile, getting a mirrored grin.

“You’re welcome anytime.”

“ _ Anytime _ , anytime?” CeCe bounces her eyebrows, looking devious.

“ _ Please _ give us a warning,” Alison groans, Emily sealing her lips. “I don’t want another ‘oops’ encounter when I’m half naked.”

“Wait,  _ what _ ?” Spencer and CeCe ask at the same time with different, wide-eyed appearances, Toby laughing hard until his girlfriend turns to him, “Did you know about this?”

“Yeah,” his laugh turns into a childish giggle, Emily rubbing her forehead, “it was a blast hearing it for the first time.”

“It wasn’t funny,” Emily says although she’s also laughing and trying to bow her head to stop because she feels Alison elbowing her in the side.

“What happened?”

“We ordered food, and someone knocked on the door, so,  _ naturally _ , we thought it was the delivery kid,” Alison recalls with a dullness in her voice. “It was not.”

“I can only imagine their faces,” Toby leans back with an airy, thoughtful face as if he’s trying to picture it, and Emily snorts at the image, as well, Alison turning to her and glaring hard.

“I could kill you right now,” Alison says, leaving her mouth opened after. “You don’t get to laugh. You weren’t half-naked, answering the door to a coworker’s apartment to find said coworker’s best friends standing there.”

“With a massive bite mark,” Toby adds when he begins to laugh again, Alison’s friends opening their mouths and staring at the third member of their group.

“Did you tell him  _ every  _ detail?” the blonde goes wide-eyed and her voice cracks when looking at Emily.

“It slipped!”

“Why would you answer the door half-naked, anyway?” CeCe’s initial question is valid, Spencer squinting her eyes. “At least  _ I  _ have the decency to cover up a little.”

“I was covered up! Her sweatshirt just… didn’t let my shorts show all that much,” she mumbles the last part, Emily remembering the girl’s outfit and sulking in the image stirring within her mind as she falls silent. 

Her mind drifts back to the activities that lead Alison to wearing that outfit, being a complete, after-sex type of attire that Emily wouldn’t mind laying her eyes upon day after day. She briefly licks her lower lip while ducking her head, making sure to keep to herself as her thoughts try to wander further even though she attempts to shove them to the back of her mind. 

“You guys wanna head out?” Toby quietly asks CeCe and Spencer. “I still have to drop you off, so I didn’t know how long you’d like to stay,” he nods to the blonde.

“Yeah, we can go,” she answers while gathering her bag, Spencer doing the same as Toby stands up and stretches with Emily and Alison following suit.

“You’re really leaving?” Alison asks the three, CeCe pouting to mimic the girl’s voice.

“Unfortunately,” the other blonde sighs. “I promised a coworker I’d be able to meet up tomorrow morning so we could go over a few things.”

“ _ Please _ don’t tell me you’re taking part in this whole, coworker trend,” Spencer pokes fun at the situation, Alison snickering as CeCe makes a disgruntled face.

“ _ Yeah _ , I’m not into the entire, married-woman type,” she responds while giving Emily a hug where they stand near the TV, interrupting the brunette’s conversation with Toby in order to share the embrace.

“So, a  _ woman _ ,” Alison toys with her former, drunken affairs. “Is that why  _ she’s  _ not your type?”

“I’m not having this conversation with you right now,” CeCe shakes her head with a shaky laugh, Spencer giggling. “Actually, yes I am. No, that’s not the reason. It’s more because I’m no homewrecker, thank you.”

“Mhm,” Alison hums.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” she begins to guide her friends to the door. “Go.”

“Oh, so you  _ do  _ want to be alone,” Spencer comments with a smug tone that Alison wants to smack her for, ultimately rolling her eyes once they’re at the door and Toby is approaching while Emily begins to clean up since she’s said her goodbyes with matching hugs.

Alison never answers the accusation but laughs when she’s faced with knowing eyes, CeCe watching her attempt to cover up the confirmation but failing.

“You’re lying,” the taller blonde says before Alison can really protest the idea.

Instead of trying to do what her friends expect, Alison offers a coy “I never denied it,” and they both seem stunned yet content with the answer, Toby chuckling and stating, “We better get out of here, then.”

The door is opened soon after, Alison watching her friends leave with Spencer grabbing Toby’s hand in a cheesy gesture that CeCe bluntly prods at with a faux-disgusted “Maybe I  _ should  _ stay a little longer so I won’t have to deal with you two” just before they disappear into the complex’s stairwell.

Alison snickers at the other blonde’s words before the reality of the situation really hits her, delaying her entrance back into the apartment for a few moments longer. Behind her, she hears Emily cleaning up with cups clinking every now and then, moving back and forth between the kitchen and living room area. The TV is still on, rumbling something mindless about the game’s outcome, and Alison bites her lower lip before backing up and closing the door so she’s in the apartment again. She slides the lock into place, slowly turning around to see Emily sitting on the very edge of the couch while wiping part of the coffee table.

The blonde’s back hits the surface of the door as she leans against it, squinting when she’s not paid attention to by Emily who has been giving her eyes ━  _ the  _ eyes ━ for the entirety of the evening. Admittedly, she’s mirrored them and has probably given the brunette more, though the majority of her seduction was on purpose because she knew she’d be able to torture her as the game was coming to a close. Part of her wishes to be honest and say she wanted Emily’s team to win because, hell, she’s sick of keeping to herself, but the competitive nature of her existence was ready to torture the girl for six days before breaking her own request on the seventh ━ just because she can. 

Emily picks up the remote and shuts the TV off, getting a smile from Alison, and the girl is about to push herself off the couch but is disrupted by the blonde’s finger flipping the apartment’s light switch so it’s dark throughout the space. She stops her movements and remains sitting, only turning to see Alison approaching with a smile that’s both intentful and innocent in its own way, but the vague softness is diminished when the blonde licks her lower lip with now only two feet of space between them.

When the distance continues to be erased with Alison standing almost between her legs, back straightened due to their closeness, Emily wants to open her mouth and say something ━ maybe taunt her girlfriend because it’s one of her ways of protection ━ but all words die in her throat as she’s gently pushed back with hands landing on her shoulders, the blonde straddling her lap where she sits against the cushions.

They lock eyes, Alison’s demeanor shifting from seductive to pretty much entirely lovable, brushing some hairs from Emily’s face and leaning in closely but not granting the girl a kiss, at first.

“It looks like you’ll be staying here…” Emily’s teasing comes with a quiet voice, obviously nervous even though she’s trying to be strong, “and I don’t have to keep my hands to myself.”

It earns an automatic smile and raised eyebrows. 

“Hm,” the girl finally hums, moving her body a bit more onto her girlfriend as she basically sits in her lap, arms now draped over Emily’s shoulders while her hands play with soft hair, “so… should I head back to my place and get some clothes for the rest of the week?”

Emily feels the tension laced in her question, begging her to say no and keep her held hostage for the night. She goes to kiss Alison but is only allowed to brush their lips together with little pressure, feeling her girlfriend lean backward to keep them from melting into something deeper so soon. Swallowing hard because her frustration is beginning to suffocate her, Emily whispers, “I think you’re all set for tonight, at least,” with matching, lidded eyes that don’t want to focus. 

“We can go sometime tomorrow,” she adds as an afterthought, one corner of Alison’s mouth peaking into a smirk that’s hardly seen.

“Fine,” she bites her lower lip, “but do you have anything for me to sleep in?”

As the words come out, Alison brushes her nose against Emily’s, a nervous-for-whatever-reason smile crossing her lips as they linger half an inch away.

“My bedsheets,” Emily mirrors the timid expression, earning a barely audible laugh from the girl who straddles her thighs.

A gentle, hardly-even-there kind of kiss is brushed against her mouth within the next second, but it’s gone as fast as it came which causes another level of frustration to hit.

“Is that it?” Alison plays along once she finds her voice, a permanent, love-drunk grin plastered across her lips until they’re briefly sealed like before.

“Mhm,” the brunette nods as she regains the tiny gap between their mouths.

“Good.”

The lone word comes through a deep breath that sounds more like a sigh, barely making it out before their mouths are moving against one another with a steady, “I want you” kind of rhythm that’s both satisfying and also beyond frustrating because of the slowness that’s only able to pick up a bit more with time. Emily feels fingers tangling in her hair while her hands rest on Alison’s waist before drifting to her lower back, pulling her impossibly closer with the fabric of the girl’s baggy shirt bunching up beneath her palms. 

At the feeling of fingertips absentmindedly slipping beneath her shirt with a certain timidity, Alison drags her tongue along Emily’s lower lip until she’s granted the same motion from her girlfriend, kissing on a deeper level while the air surrounding them warms up quickly.

Just before Alison is about to make a move and push Emily further against the back of the couch, the kiss is broken with the brunette nudging her nose against her lover’s, both girls breathing heavily with a careful “Wait” being heard.

Alison does as told, trying to look into dark, brown eyes that are so,  _ so  _ wanting but also cautious.

“If you really don’t want this yet… it’s okay,” Emily makes sure to put Alison first, her hands coming to a standstill on her hips, now above the fabric of her shirt so she’s not distracting her from thinking clearly.

“Why don’t you think I want this?” she takes a breath and asks, chest still expanding and caving at a solid rate. 

“The bet,” her answer is honest, shrugging one shoulder as her eyes drift off to the corner of the room. “I wasn’t sure if you made it because… I don’t know, maybe you wanted a reason to keep me away for a little longer.”

She wants to give Emily a sympathetic frown because that totally  _ wasn’t  _ her intention, but she decides on only changing the girl’s mind by keeping up this seductive attitude of hers, leaning forward and shuffling her girlfriend backwards until she’s hitting the back of the couch.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Alison gets close, nearly kissing her but not allowing herself to just yet.

Emily nods halfway, not being able to react much when Alison is all but hunched over her with the top few buttons of her shirt undone.

Her lower lip is tucked between her teeth for a second, afterwards smirking and whispering, “I missed you,” with a lightness that opposes the rest of her secret, being spoken against her mouth, “and I was  _ really  _ hoping you’d win this bet.”

She swears she heard a shaky breath exit Emily’s throat at the admission, but her mind doesn’t have time to catch up to the situation before lips are pressed to hers with an undertone of desperation. Alison feels herself shake as a whimper exits her own mouth, being sounded against Emily’s as determined hands leave her waist. Fingertips are plucking at the buttons of her shirt with intention as she brings Emily’s face even closer to hers to almost-harshly mesh their lips together, and soon the garment is being slid down her arms as the tickling sensation gives her goosebumps. Emily backs up for a second once it’s discarded, not previously realizing that Alison’s only wearing a black, lace bra underneath, and her mouth goes dry as her girlfriend looks smug but also lustful, leaning back in to kiss her harder.

It only lasts three seconds because, internally, Alison decides that she wants to keep them at the same pace tonight, hastily reaching for the hem of Emily’s shirt and bunching it upward until it’s past her breasts and she has to back up in order to pull it over the girl’s head. Their skin already begins to stick together, the room feeling thick and heated when they’ve hardly started the night’s impending activities, and Alison grants Emily the taste of a low moan against her tongue when a hand is squeezing her breast with her bra bunching up. The same hand slides down until it’s holding onto her hip again, this time Alison taking it upon herself to drag her nails along Emily’s skin until they’re doing the same to her chest and grasping harder than what was done to her, getting a whine that escapes a stagnant mouth resting against her own. Alison smiles at the sound and Emily’s inability to continue kissing her when fingers are digging into the skin of her breast, deviously leaning forward and taking her girlfriend’s bottom lip between her teeth in order to tug on it.

Another sound that Emily was trying to hold back ends up escaping her throat, Alison letting go of her lip before smirking again and leaning her nose against her lover’s.

“Aren’t you gonna take me to bed?” Alison kisses the corner of Emily’s mouth, the girl seemingly a pile of mush on the couch.

When eyes are finally peering at her through thick eyelashes to make Emily look as confident as Alison  _ feels _ , the blonde’s heart skips a beat and gets caught in her throat. It doesn’t steer her away from her own question, however, and her legs shimmy backward until her feet end up against the floor. She wants to back up and guide Emily to the bedroom, but she’s suddenly stopped by fingers curling around the waistband of her shorts before they’re being slid downward and she’s instantly frozen where she stands. Alison feels the breath leaving her lungs in a giant gust, looking down as Emily lifts her chin to make eye contact once ripping away her gaze from the black, matching panties, then being caught off-guard when the brunette gets up so they’re face to face.

Neither girl speaks for an extended part of their simple yet deep, eye to eye conversation, but it’s broken up with an entertained, shocked squeak when Emily picks Alison up and her legs automatically wrap around the girl’s waist so she doesn’t fall. Emily chuckles at the sound Alison made when she initially picked her up, carefully bringing her into the bedroom with kisses being peppered along the skin of her face and upper portion of her neck. The abrupt, scattered pecks make her hum as her heel kicks the bedroom door at least moderately shut, Alison’s back hitting the mattress within seconds when Emily lays her down with a smooth thud.

Emily is about to slide onto her girlfriend and pin her against the mattress to speed things up when she’s stopped by Alison’s foot pressing into the top of her thigh with the blonde raising her eyebrows expectantly, only giving the situation a tut-tut noise.

“I’m not letting you into bed until those shorts are off,” is her full excuse, Emily licking her lips as her eyes burn into Alison’s bra and underwear.

“What about the rest of your clothes?” she narrows her eyes in a soft accusation, hands on her hips.

Alison seems like she was expecting a question to be bounced back to her, smoothly making the deal, “When yours are off, so are mine.”

She wonders if she should simply tear the full extent of her clothes off before sliding into bed and snatching Alison’s to solidify the compromise, but in the end only nibbles her bottom lip between her teeth and glances down at her shorts, hooking her thumbs into the sides and sliding them down with ease. Alison watches in the meantime, eyes preying, and Emily peers up at her through her eyelashes to see her motions being studied with an intense look. Once the garment is completely on the floor and she’s stepped out, they make full eye contact and Alison hums in satisfaction, lying back completely in a welcoming gesture so Emily gets the hint and climbs onto her. 

The opportunity is taken immediately, the brunette being deliberate with the way she moves as she slinks up Alison’s body until they’re face to face. Within seconds, she’s resting between Alison’s bent legs, semi-holding herself above her lover with her elbows digging into the pillow on both sides of the blonde’s head. They kiss feverishly, nails scratching her lower back and making her want to whimper at the feeling although she tries to control herself for a while longer. Their lips don’t mesh against one another for too long just yet, Emily backing up to stare at Alison with the adoration she always gets when they share a feeling of sensuality.

“Do you really trust me?”

Emily’s voice is calm and genuinely wondering, face settled into a slight line that’s disrupted just barely with the corners of her lips twitched into the world’s tiniest smirk. She thinks back to their conversation from the beginning of the week and how Alison was so adamant when it came to expressing her trust. It meant a lot, and maybe her words are just starting to sink in as they’re beginning to re-establish this kind of deep bond. 

_ “What if I can’t trust myself?” _

_ “Then I’ll trust you enough for the both of us.” _

The question takes Alison by surprise although her features don’t morph into that of shock, only staring at her girlfriend while she remains pinned to the mattress. Emily looks soft and vulnerable with a smaller sense of confidence and wholehearted curiosity, almost like she just wants to hear the words again because maybe now she’s able to understand things more clearly than the other night when she was so shattered. 

“Yes,” her confirmation is a tad rasped but convictive.

Emily continues to get lost in her eyes, eventually ending with a small grin and a simple but honest “Thank you” because the sentiment means more than Alison will ever know. 

Careful hands drag along her sides as she hovers above Alison without moving much, their faces mere inches away.

“Do you trust yourself?” Alison asks, voice hardly coming out.

She thinks, not taking long before shrugging one shoulder, “I'm learning to.”

Matching smiles peak on their faces at the same time, Alison taking Emily’s response from before and playfully responding, “Thank you,” before their childish grins are erased with a single kiss.

Two more, brief pecks follow, the final one being extended after a short moment of brushing noses with those smiles from before coming through. The hands on Emily’s sides gingerly glide across her back and create goosebumps as they travel slowly, her elbows pushing further into the pillow while sliding her tongue past Alison’s when she simply wants to get lost in the girl beneath her. She shifts her lower half periodically but not much, only extracting a grunt or two from the blonde who attempts to remain in control ━ as far as she’s concerned.

As if on cue, Emily’s lips travel down her cheek and along her jawline until they’re underneath her chin, working down her throat and nipping at her neck, getting an assortment of different reactions, some audible and others physical like nails digging into her skin or Alison’s legs parting more. Emily, herself, feels the effects of Alison’s satisfied sounds, the space between her thighs becoming more sensitive and wanting while frustration spikes to an overwhelming level. They kiss hard once she moves her mouth back up to Alison’s, mentally declaring that she’s sick of the subtle pulsating between her legs and smoothly maneuvering her position so she’s straddling her girlfriend’s thigh. 

The fresh dampness felt against her skin through a thin layer of fabric isn’t missed by Alison, wanting to use the new position to her advantage but getting distracted by the teeth that tug on her lip like she’s done to Emily time and time again. She moans at the feeling of being captured, also smiling when her lip is popped back into place with Emily breaking their kiss to only attempt eye contact through a lidded focus.

They breathe heavily during the short break, Alison licking her lips in the meantime as Emily straightens her back a fraction so they have more room to look at each other. Alison keeps on her seductive attitude, head tilted partly to the side with her eyelashes fluttering every now and then, but she remembers their most recent conversation and smirks with a hidden-beneath-the-surface seriousness to her next question.

“Do you trust  _ me _ ?” she brushes some hairs out of Emily's face before letting her hand linger on her cheek, words thick in a way that indicates she’s just as frustrated and wanting with a tinge of hopefulness that the brunette picks up on.

“Yes,” it’s almost immediate, being less heated than Alison’s question as if she noticed the shyness being covered by confidence.

Of all unspoken conversations between the two, this seems to be the loudest, neither girl knowing what part of the atmosphere shifted and why, but observing it instantly. The brunette swallows hard when she’s stared at, watching Alison’s eyes turn darker and dance between her focus and mouth, but the girl’s features also hold something softer and more raw ━ something Emily feels, as well.

The three, impactful words are sitting on the tip of Emily’s tongue and she wants to let them slip once and for all, hoping to spiral into a warm bed of affection and closeness to bring a new vibe to what’s happening in the current moment, but they refuse to come out. It doesn’t matter, anyway, because Alison listens to the silence surrounding them and gets sick of it, bringing Emily’s face down to hers and kissing her as if she’d like to taste those three words before hearing them for the first time.

She melts into the embrace on contact, all thoughts and wonders draining from her body while all but relaxing against Alison with a content sigh. Their skin sticks together with a faint layer of sweat, and Alison’s fingertips drag up her back with a lightness to create a warm yet chilling feeling along her arms. A deep breath sounds in her throat and heart-shaped lips drift away from hers, trailing against her cheek and down her neck while the girl’s fingers undo her bra with ease. Emily wants to argue and say it’s breaking their deal of keeping an even pace when it comes to their clothing situation, but she doesn’t have the mind or energy to complain as teeth scrape her skin. In fact, she helps Alison remove the garment, tossing it to the side and feeling her lover’s hot mouth move against her neck again.

The damp, sometimes-nipping sensation against her tender skin causes her hips to absentmindedly shift against Alison’s thigh, the motion being missed by Emily but caught by the blonde who keeps one hand on her girlfriend’s back as the other goes to grasp her thigh. Her breathing picks up within seconds, Alison’s grip forcing her to occasionally grind down hard as nails dig into her back and scratch across. She claws at the top of the mattress above the pillow, not being able to keep up with the feeling between her legs, the sucking at the base of her neck, and nails on her skin while Alison constantly does her best to heat Emily’s body until it hits its boiling point. 

Through her determination, Alison pushes her thigh upward and Emily’s mouth falls open with a cracked moan, the blonde’s hand still pulling and pushing her with force to make her lover’s legs twitch with pleasure resulting from overwhelming frustration. She pulls her girlfriend’s body an inch toward her so her back straightens just barely, the new angle allowing her tongue to trace Emily’s left collarbone before moving down and swirling around her nipple. A gasp is heard, the feeling clearly unexpected, but it’s followed by a pained whine that Alison wants to chuckle at even though she continues torturing the brunette by wrapping her lips around the area and sucking gently.

Emily’s hips roll harder and sometimes press into her girlfriend’s center with her breath hitching each time, the brunette desperately wanting to alleviate the tension pulling in her core, and Alison can tell she’s at a loss when it comes to how to fix the feeling. She scratches at the girl’s thigh as her other hand is flat against her back and keeping her in place while wet lips dot open-mouthed kisses along the center of her chest until they’re at her other breast, tending to it the same as the former. A shaky, clenched-jaw groan is heard and Alison begins to wonder if Emily is more annoyed at the fact that she’s giving in so soon as opposed to the obvious, sexual frustration, but her lack of care and natural, devious nature causes her to smirk against the girl’s smooth, slick skin. She can feel a long path of dampness along her angled thigh through a thin piece of fabric, Emily’s motions beginning to tighten up as if she’s close to being sent over the edge, and Alison maneuvers her hand so she’s pulling the girl’s ass forward for more pressure compared to when she was tugging on her lower hip.

Again, Emily’s mouth falls open and a moan wants to tumble out but gets stuck in her throat, being breathless, frustrated, and knotted-up to the point of her body wanting to shut down. She fully enjoys every sensation that graces her body, holding herself up with her right hand against the mattress while her left reaches for a metal spindle of her headboard. The item makes a clanking noise against the wall once she’s gripping onto it, her climax beginning to spread throughout her body with a slowness that’s beyond irritating because she thinks she’s going to collapse before it fully comes through. 

Fortunately for her, she doesn’t notice Alison’s hand move away from squeezing her ass before it’s sneaking into her panties at the weirdest angle, quickly slipping into the wetness along her center and being granted a sudden “Fuck, Ali” that’s a result of both surprise and ecstasy. It’s followed by a round of bunched-up noises, her grip on the spindle tightening as lips remain working against her skin and fingers press against her while grinding down on them for as much pleasure as she can muster up. 

Alison senses the pressure in her own core building while listening to Emily react, the dampness on her fingertips so enjoyable that she wishes she could reach down and fix her own frustrations at the same time. Her mouth travels up Emily’s chest and collarbones until she’s dragging the tip of her tongue up her girlfriend’s throat and chin with a smug grin and a few grunts of her own, the brunette releasing a shaky breath that practically says she’s seconds from being sent over the edge by clever fingers and nails on her back. They’re face to face immediately following the sound, though Alison doesn’t even try to kiss Emily whose mouth is fallen open, anyway, only watching the brunette’s face contort with pleasure mixed with a subtle painfulness from having her energy drained second by second.

She pushes a finger into her girlfriend before taking it away, skillfully rubbing it against her clit as the girl seemingly finds a new type of friction that’s beyond pleasureful, eyes flickering completely shut as her lip quivers and hips ride on the feeling. Alison hears her name again, smiling and curling her finger a bit before Emily’s grip on the bar above them tightens even more and she begins to unravel hard with a strangled moan, heavy breaths, and tightened eyelids. 

The girl beneath her enjoys the sight completely, a fresh wetness against her fingers as she holds them there for a short while longer. Emily’s whimpers die down when they’re replaced by deep breaths and a slumped body language, her hand falling from the metal spindle to tumble onto the mattress once Alison’s fingers leave her underwear. 

She wants to collapse where she’s semi-sat along Alison’s thigh, but somehow manages to push herself to the side as blue eyes watch her back hit the mattress so their shoulders are touching. Alison chuckles at the sight and blatant exhaustion, Emily’s mouth still hanging open half an inch as she catches her breath. Her eyebrows are furrowed as she lies still, Alison watching her ribs show more and less as she huffs out breaths, but the blonde licks her lips and slowly lifts her fingers to her mouth to taste the girl who turns to glance at her with a newer, pained face. Alison can tell she’s tormenting her girlfriend and smirks while tucking her fingers between her lips, Emily nearly groaning at the sight and going back to regulating her breathing not even an inch away from where the other girl lies. 

Again, she gently laughs at Emily’s pained expressions, exhaustion, and closed eyes, finally turning to her and whispering, “Is it bedtime now?” with a narrowed focus and smug grin that her lover actually groans at once her hands come up to cover her face.

Her palms hit the mattress once she takes them away from her features, eyes staring up at the ceiling as her breathing is solid again. She hears the question bouncing around in her mind and wants to laugh at it because of how drained she feels, but she’s more so disappointed in herself for getting lost in her frustrations so quickly. 

Without giving a verbal answer, Emily looks down and glances at her own underwear, the damp fabric feeling cold and stuck to her skin. She grimaces slightly when moving her body, but manages to lift her torso, reaching down and sliding her underwear along her legs with determination and a disgruntled face that’s only erased when she’s tilting her head back against the pillow again. Next to her, Alison studies her every move and raises her eyebrows at the sight of Emily kicking her own underwear off, continuing her teasing attitude with an enthused “I’m guessing that’s a no.”

Emily turns her head to look at Alison, appearance disheveled with glistening sweat along her face, and her eyes drift along the blonde’s body in a certain expectancy.

“Well?” it comes out with a dumbfounded laugh. “What about your bra and underwear?” Emily stares at her, waiting for Alison’s body to be shed of the two garments.

“Take them off,” Alison shrugs with a smugness like it’s the most obvious thing.

The other girl doesn’t blink at the instruction, merely shifting her jaw at the words. She relaxes with a sigh, straightening her neck and staring at the ceiling again. Alison is about to open her mouth with another taunting comment on the tip of her tongue, but it fades away when Emily forces herself up with a grunt so she’s weakly kneeling above her girlfriend’s body and running her hand through her hair to make it fall perfectly once more.

Alison stares at her in wonder, spotting a look in Emily’s eye and wanting to question it. She sees the girl reach down with both hands, nudging her upper back off the bed and smoothly undoing her bra with a tinge of harshness in the motions that’s more of a turn on than Alison would like to admit. Her lips part when her bra is tossed nearby and she’s pushed down to the mattress with a grunt, Emily giving her another look-over with a newfound confidence that Alison swallows hard at. She raises herself onto her elbows to prop her torso up while Emily shuffles down the mattress and touches her fingers to smooth skin above Alison’s waistband, blue eyes locking with brown for a moment that’s intense enough to make the blonde’s mouth open. Emily presses her tongue to her inner cheek and curls her fingers into the fabric of Alison’s panties, yanking them downward with a matched roughness that causes the girl’s body to slip down the mattress an inch. The headboard clanks against the wall at the sharp motion, Alison’s breath caught in her throat while Emily opposes her former, harsh gesture by tenderly sliding the garment down her legs until they’re unlooped from her ankles and thrown aside. 

She expects Emily to crawl back up to her face and take things slow considering the massive drain of energy she just dealt with, but the brunette only rearranges how she’s kneeling so she’s almost prowling between her lover’s legs, Alison not having the strength to continue watching the scene unfold as her back falls to the mattress. Emily kisses the inner part of her right knee, dragging her lower lip along the area aside from the few, wet pecks that are pressed to naked patches of skin. Her hands grip at Alison’s thighs, sturdily moving upward while parting the girl’s legs little by little. Alison notices her legs being spread by driven hands, the grip feeling like fire against her skin as it matches the mouth inching closer to her center. She senses whimpers building in her throat, threatening to spill over before Emily is even relatively close to where she wants her mouth to be, but her bottom lip is tucked between her teeth and her eyes close tightly.

Emily climbs higher, being three kisses away from the sweet dampness between Alison’s legs, and she smirks at a cracked breath that manages to escape the blonde’s clamped lip. Her girlfriend’s hands tug at the blanket beneath them and she can hear her nails tighten, especially when another kiss is pressed to her innermost thigh just an inch away from where she’s truly desired. She notices how much she’s torturing her lover, part of her musing that it’s karma whereas the other tells her to ignore the prodding voice in her head and just move up to kiss Alison before doing anything else so soon.

In the end, the brunette lowers herself to the area just barely and swipes the tip of her tongue against Alison’s clit with a slow pressure that the girl wasn’t expecting, getting a sudden moan as her lower back lifts off the mattress before falling against it again. Emily smirks hard and kisses her way upward, hearing a whine come from her girlfriend when realizing that she’s only being toyed with instead of fully taken care of for the time being. She wants to protest and push on Emily’s shoulders until she gets the hint and puts her tongue to work like her body is begging for, but realistically only keeps her breathing steady and pretends it’s not bothering her as much as it really is. Emily can tell she’s lying without saying anything, however, so her fingers wander back down to Alison’s center and drag along the outer edge in a new form of tickling punishment as the girl squirms at the bothersome sensation.

A groan is echoed against Emily’s mouth when she’s kissing Alison’s chest, still housing a smug look on her face that she knows her girlfriend will kill her for. Her finger traces the length of Alison’s center, not going any further as they’re finally face to face and the blonde’s jaw is clenched with severity but her eyes are shut with her chin tilted upward; her body language is conflicted and Emily licks her lips at the sight, just barely pushing her finger to slide through Alison’s folds more than before but still not enough to be satisfying whatsoever. She smiles at the next whimper that visibly shifts Alison’s throat, getting hit with a jab of accomplishment because she’s not the one who looks pained anymore.

Her internal gloating is put to an end when she’s caught off-guard by Alison who is fed up, the girl’s body thrashing until Emily is shoved to the side and she’s pinned down by her lover whose face is reddened and shining with a thin layer of sweat. Her chest rises and falls at a rapid rate, and Emily preys upon it with roaming, dark eyes, noting their position and how Alison is fully straddling her torso. In response, Emily lifts her body a fraction off the mattress and creates a spike in friction between the girl’s legs with her hands falling onto her thighs to pull her forward, watching her mouth drop open with a shaky exhale coming out. The brunette does it again, nibbling her own lip and watching Alison enjoy the feeling of grinding along her torso in a way that creates a damp path against her lower stomach. The sight makes Emily want to climax all over again, but she manages to focus on Alison who is seemingly trying to ignore the convincing feeling building up along her center.

With weak but desperate fingers, Alison fumbles to get a hold on Emily’s hands but finds success, forcibly pushing them up until they’re pinned to the mattress above her head. She lets one hand leave Emily’s and drapes it over the metal spindle nearby, not being able to grasp it with the lack of energy currently in her body, but the other manages to keep her girlfriend’s determination at bay. The new position lets her breathe out with a lessened pressure between her thighs, stopping her own motions and sliding downward because she knows she won’t get far with the amount of wetness coating her sensitive skin and no real outlet. She lets out a low groan, eyes flickering open before closing again with her head bowing semi-against Emily’s and legs loosely straddling her lover’s thigh.

Gentle, caring kisses are pressed along her jawline and lingering against her cheek, smiling at the calming sensation as opposed to how they were only a minute ago. Her fingers entwine with Emily’s above the girl’s head, turning so she’s able to be granted a round of cautious kisses to her mouth. She returns the favor and sentiment, feeling warmth between their mouths while letting one of Emily’s hands slip away from being trapped. The pad of the girl’s thumb is tracing her lower lip soon after, Alison peeking her tongue out of her mouth to drag it along the skin of her finger before they’re kissing again. They both enjoy the cool-down of the moment, not fully making out with a spike in energy but simply reveling in each other’s taste and movements.

Alison smiles to match the feeling of Emily’s mouth curving, as well, almost like they’re reading each other’s minds, and her hand slips from the metal rod with a squeaking noise from the sweat on her palm. She chuckles at the sound, tilting her face away from Emily’s as their legs rub past each other and she’s nearly falling off her girlfriend’s body.

“You know,” Alison clears her throat once it feels dry, voice raspy, “when I first saw this headboard, I wondered if you bought it for a reason.”

She drops a few, sexual hints with raised eyebrows, and Emily instantly picks up on her underlying questions and accusations, biting her lower lip and looking extremely sheepish. It’s pretty telling and Alison quirks an eyebrow with her lips parting in subtle amusement, teasing, “Oh, so you did?”

“Okay, no,” she smiles hard and shakes her head before looking up at the metal piece of furniture, “I bought it because I liked it, but, once I had it…” her eyes drift to Alison’s while her chin is still tilted upward.

“It worked out in your favor,” her tone is knowing as she fills in the blank.

Emily gets out a brief laugh that fades off quickly, staring into blue eyes again and suddenly being overcome with more confidence that makes her rub her lips together.

“It can work out in your favor, too.”

Alison narrows her eyes at the suggestion even though a spike of interest courses through her veins, smiling at the implication but also appearing skeptical of Emily’s random wave of courage. 

“Want me to show you?” Emily continues to ride on said wave with seductive advances, beginning to smirk hard as Alison looks intrigued and ready to play whatever game she’s offering.

“Be my guest,” it’s sultry enough to match her girlfriend’s question, hoping to cover up her wariness.

“Come here, then,” the instruction is spoken through a curt nod and Emily licking her lips, eyes drifting to Alison’s lower half and hinting at something beyond what the blonde really bargained for.

“You mean…” she raises her eyebrows, not being able to get the rest of her question out.

Emily’s smirk returns with a shade of patience yet longing, and Alison makes a stunned face that says she’s thrilled but apprehensive about the idea as it’s accompanied by a smile and a curt laugh that’s basically choked out.

At the sound and overall reaction, Emily tilts her head to the side with squinted eyes, “Why do I get the feeling you’ve never done it before?”

Alison seals her lips and looks away, features softening as fingertips reach out to brush some hair behind her ear. 

“You know I’ll take care of you,” Emily’s claim is enticing yet full of admiration, but the tone lowers when she next taunts, “Where's that trust from before?” with a re-established, smug grin that Alison only side-eyes.

It doesn’t take much time before Alison gives her a small eye-roll, her tongue pressing against her inner cheek as her body language looks extremely wanting and curious to know what it’d feel like to have Emily’s tongue pressing into her while gripping the headboard until her knuckles turn white. She takes a breath at the image in her mind, biting the tip of her tongue before crawling back onto Emily’s body and only straddling her torso in order to get the mood back. 

The brunette welcomes the new position with a content hum, simultaneously pulling Alison down to kiss her again. The heat returns immediately and they both want to sigh at the reforming pressure as Emily’s hands grip at Alison’s backside and pull her closer while her jaw is cupped by firm fingertips that won’t let her try to escape. Alison slips her tongue against Emily’s within seconds, not bothering to pace herself because she already feels her hips rocking against the skin of her lover’s stomach and all she wants is some kind of release. Her nails partly dig into Emily’s jaw, feeling the same sensation on her back as fingers are dragged up and down to make her posture arch every now and then. 

Their breathing picks up in no time, Alison not caring about how quickly it happened because she’s beyond done with taking things slow as Emily forcefully pulls her close again with a friction forming where she needs it the most. She nearly whines when Emily’s lips leave hers, but the reaction is replaced with a soft moan tumbling from her opened mouth when a tongue is dragging down her throat. Next, warm breath hits her chest and she hums at the fresh sweat that results from it, letting out a shaky half-whine, half-groan when Emily is biting and sucking on a patch of skin near her left nipple, very obviously creating a mark. She enjoys the feeling she gets when chills shoot up her back and down her arms, holding herself up with her fists digging into the pillow while her lower half seeks friction and a tongue is flicking across her nipple.

Emily hears a quiet “Em” followed by a sudden breath mixed with some sort of curse, tailed by another moan that Alison doesn’t bother trying to muffle when the brunette’s moving across her chest to suck on her other nipple, hands holding onto her thighs and pulling her in repeatedly to create a rocking motion.

From where Emily kisses tender skin, she peers upward to see Alison looking blissful yet ready to deteriorate from so much pent-up tension, slowly lifting her chin to see her girlfriend look down to make eye contact once feeling the warmth let up on her breasts. Emily looks cautious but confident in what she wants to do, Alison’s hips shifting more with her lover’s help until eyes are staring at her lower half and glancing back up at her as if she’s silently asking for permission.

Without speaking or really giving much of an acceptance, Alison bites her lower lip and makes it easier for Emily to pull her body upward with her knees shimmying against the mattress until they’re digging into the pillow beside the brunette’s head. Emily licks her lips at the position and wraps her arms around Alison’s thighs, carefully spreading her legs more and adjusting her own angle to look up at her girlfriend who begins to reach out for the headboard with caution. She presses gentle kisses to the skin surrounding her, the blonde taking in a sharp breath but managing to hold herself up without a powerful grip on anything sturdy.

Her hesitancy makes Emily feel powerful where she lies, Alison only having her fingertips against the metal rod when her lover’s arms clamp around her thighs and the tip of a determined tongue swipes through her folds with an abruptness that makes her almost fall forward.

“Holy sh━” it’s more out of surprise than anything else, Alison’s words being cut off by her own mouth only hanging open with everything else getting caught in her throat when the full width of Emily’s tongue begins to toy with her.

Emily sucks on the damp skin with purpose, pushing her tongue in the areas she knows Alison reacts more to. She pulls the blonde’s body down more, also helping her along by forcefully guiding her thighs so her face is partially being ridden. Her mouth focuses on Alison’s clit for a round of seconds, careful not to stay in the same area for too long because she hears the girl’s moans starting to come quicker and louder whenever she focuses her tongue on one stimulation.

Alison grips at the metal bar and wonders if she’s going to break it off once she finally climaxes, hearing a tightening sound while her nails try to dig into the material but fail. In a desperate attempt to find something better to occupy at least one of her hands, she reaches down and tangles her fingers in dark, soft hair, pulling Emily impossibly closer to her center and feeling a tongue enter her just barely. She almost chokes on a sharp inhale when Emily’s name abruptly exits her mouth with what sounds like panting, not being able to pull herself together under these circumstances while her lower half rocks against her girlfriend’s face. Her knees begin to shake and Emily feels it, judging by the way she gets a better hold on her hips that lets her angle better.

She doesn’t waste any time, wrapping her lips around Alison’s clit and sucking on the area before soothing it with the flat surface of her tongue and a new wave of warmth, her girlfriend’s body quivering with the broken-up, half-assed warning, “I’m━I━” being cut off when the grip in brown hair tightens and her forehead is leaning against the arm that holds onto the headboard. 

Her climax flows through with Emily’s name tripping out of her mouth another time or two, hips tightening up and knuckles turning the color she imagined with her eyes fluttering shut when they become severely lidded. She swears her center numbed itself due to the explosion of pressure exiting her body all at once, but she vaguely feels a tingling sensation between her legs when Emily presses gentle pecks to the area and runs her tongue through the new dampness an additional time.

Alison’s grip on the metal bar releases even though her palm tries to stick to it, the girl managing to lift her body off of Emily before turning and simply sitting on the other side of the bed so her back is leaning against the headboard. She feels weightless and her eyes still want to shut, being slumped against the cool metal as Emily licks her lips and revels in the remnants of Alison’s taste surrounding her mouth. They both breathe heavily and make sure to take their time catching up with reality, Alison having a harder struggle because she feels like jelly and her legs tingle.

Emily turns her head to look at her girlfriend, the sight of the blonde practically a pile of mush making her lips curve into a smile while asking, “Do you need a break?” in a tone that mirrors the one Alison used when she couldn’t collect herself after climaxing.

The girl only side-eyes her, chest rising and falling, and Emily takes the initiative to push herself onto her knees and crawl over to where Alison is perched. Emily is about to lean in and kiss her when she’s shoved onto her back so her feet are resting on the pillow and her head is near the edge of the mattress, Alison immediately draping her body over her girlfriend’s and kissing her neck with intent.

Internally, Emily wonders how Alison’s managing to keep up since she looked beyond lost just moments ago, but her train of thought is crashed when a needy mouth is going down on her at a rate that’s surprising ━ yet also wanted. Emily tilts her head back and lets out a satisfied exhale that basically says she’s in so much trouble with this girl, the sound giving Alison the drive to continue with her nails scratching at smooth skin beneath her palms. She feels fingers end up in her hair just as she’s reaching Emily’s abdomen, glancing up and seeing the girl breathing so deeply that it’s contorting the indents of her stomach, and the sight ends up pulling a leftover moan from her throat before sinking lower.

Warm exhales hit Emily’s inner thighs until her legs are separated with force, her fingers still tangling in Alison’s hair even though the girl is only torturing her by remaining inches away. She tries pulling her closer but fails when Alison bites onto her inner thigh, whimpering and then whining with frustration in a way her girlfriend’s never heard before. It makes her chuckle against the skin beneath her mouth, Emily wanting to throw a fit in the meantime.

“ _ Please _ , Alison,” is the only thing she can manage, all tact being lost as the blonde in mention raises her eyebrows in an impressed manner.

The begging words are granted a thumb sliding through her folds once, not having enough time to enjoy the feeling before it’s gone. She groans and clenches her teeth, ready to say something again but keeping all comments to herself when lips begin moving up until they’re less than an inch away from her center. Anticipation builds as Alison lifts her head to look at Emily whose chin is tilted up so her head is dug into the mattress, fingertips loosely tangled in her hair just waiting for their opportunity to scratch along her scalp.

Finally, Alison lowers her mouth and drags her tongue along Emily’s entrance, only using the tip to toy with the dampness as nails gently dig into her head with a sound that says it’s not enough. She presses forward, stroking the area in rhythm with her hands reaching up to grab Emily’s breasts and squeeze gently to oppose the languid sensation gracing the girl’s clit. Alison sucks on the area while massaging her lover’s chest, getting an assortment of moans that gradually get louder when she switches things up and licks in patterns. It won’t take long to finish Emily off and Alison is fully aware of it, noticing that the built-up tension within the girl’s body results in a twitch whenever her tongue barely swipes against her clit with more pressure that prior, so she tries her best to elongate the moment by alternating the movements of her mouth. One of her hands lowers in order to push two fingers into Emily with ease, getting a sharp breath while kissing her thighs at the same time.

She feels careful scratches against her scalp, occasionally digging deeper when she nips at her girlfriend’s skin or her fingers push deeper, but the filling sensation is released soon and replaced with the warmth of her mouth again. Emily breathes out.

Alison continues with her normal tactic while listening to Emily’s reactions begin to pick up again, knowing that she wants to make the moment hit its maximum height for the girl to feel. Her left thumb swirls the brunette’s nipple while her right hand simply lingers above where her mouth works. Soon, however, she uses her fingers to spread her girlfriend’s folds and push her tongue deeper while the thumb flicking across her nipple speeds up, Emily not being prepared for the combined sensations and choking out a broken “Ali━” until the blonde’s mouth works faster and harder with a sudden “God━I love you so much” accidentally tumbling from her mouth.

If Emily wasn’t on the brink of climaxing, her eyes would’ve shot open at what she said ━ and maybe they did, for a moment ━ but her fingers tighten in Alison’s hair and pull her face impossibly closer as her body is drained of every bit of frustration. Her lower back collapses back onto the bed with another shaky breath exiting her mouth, licking her lips to wet the cracking skin as Alison finishes up with a few more strokes of her tongue. Emily lets her hands fall away from Alison’s head, crashing onto the mattress beside her hips with her palms facing upward. She wants to stare at the ceiling but her eyes won’t focus when they keep closing, and she can hardly feel the gentle pecks that climb up her body as Alison slowly crawls closer to her face.

The reality of what she blurted out during her euphoric moment finally hits, Emily now wishing to close her eyes and ignore the shy smile that Alison gives her when they’re at the same level. Her lips are kissed and she tastes herself on her girlfriend’s mouth, enjoying the sensual gesture and continuing to even out her breathing as Alison does the same with an arm draped across her stomach. When the blonde only remains silent and periodically peppers her cheek with sweet kisses, Emily believes she’ll ignore what was said or perhaps not read into it, but that thought is wholeheartedly derailed when Alison smirks against her skin and says, “I love you too, by the way. So much.”

The last two words are spoken through another kiss, the tone vibrating the corner of Emily’s mouth.

“That’s━” she breathes out and stares at the ceiling through dumbfoundedness, “that’s not how I wanted to tell you.”

Alison giggles and flops onto her back, shoulder brushing her girlfriend’s, “For all I know, you could've said it  _ only  _ because of how I was making you feel."

Emily opens and closes her mouth twice, still breathing hard with a chuckle coming through, “I did, but not…”

"Do you take it back?" although Alison sounds knowing and, deep down, realizes that Emily wouldn’t take it back, there’s still a small, nagging sense of doubt, and nervousness passes over her features as they stare at the ceiling. 

"No," Emily is quick to assure her with a shy demeanor and quiet laugh, sounding out-of-breath and not fully confident, “I  _ did  _ say it because of how you're making me feel, but not physically.”

At the words, she makes a face, “Well, physically too, but…”

Her girlfriend wants to snort at the slight rambling, Emily only being cut off by her own lack of energy.

Taking a moment to gather up more courage, Emily pushes herself onto her side and somewhat cuddles up to Alison, staring at her while forcing a more-convictive tone to make sure the girl knows she’s completely serious, ultimately coming out in the form of a solid “I’m in love with you.”

Alison stares at her with a smile only peaking behind her eyes, and Emily opens her heart to explain, “I figured it out after everything. I was wondering why I kept going back to you. Why my mind did, I mean. I knew I loved you, or admired you as a person, but…” she licks her lips, “maybe it was too scary to admit before.”

“And now it’s not?” she asks, a coaxing grin on her face.

She’s expecting a silly answer or maybe a laugh, but, in reality, Emily only eyes her with raw emotion, almost like she’s mapping out all of Alison’s features so she’ll always remember them. 

Soon, she rubs her lips together and whispers, “You told me earlier that I have the same ability to read you like you do to me,” she pauses, “so, no… it’s not as scary when I know I make you feel the same thing.”

Alison’s initial reaction is a bright smile, confessing, “I’ve been too nervous to say something, I guess.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” the blonde admits. “I don’t know why I did, especially because you make me feel so safe. But I’m not anymore. I do love you.”

Brown eyes soften, hearing her girlfriend whisper, “I’m in love with you too, Em,” just as their lips press together with ever-growing smiles threatening to dismantle the embrace before it really begins.

They back up before sharing another three pecks on the lips, smiling with cheesiness and dopey attitudes that are completely love-drunk. Emily goes to kiss Alison again, never getting enough of the feelings stirring within her stomach, but only manages to nudge her nose against the girl’s before hearing a quiet laugh and having to back up with narrowed eyes.

Alison bites her lower lip at the questionative stare, moving as close as she can to Emily’s lips without kissing her.

“At least I know you’re definitely satisfied when we’re having sex,” she claims, only hearing the beginning of a groan before muffling the rest with her mouth until it’s dead in her throat and they don’t depart for an extended amount of time after. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, this chapter (using Times New Roman font, mind you) is thirty-six pages long.
> 
> So, we have a cliché! The whole, "I love you so much that I accidentally blurted it out during sex" idea. At least we've finally touched down in the love department… after how long? We even had CeCe and Spencer tapping their watches like the Judge Judy GIF-meme-thing. Now that they've said it, they won't take it back, and we can only go up from here ━ yes, that's a confirmation that I won't be hitting y'all with any more curveballs before the story is over.
> 
> Looking at the bigger picture, the concept of Emily's character development continues to sparkle, especially when she's standing in the kitchen thinking back on everything; she knows her heart's a little rough around the edges, and she's aware that she's been through some tough shit, but, after everything, understands that she's deserving of love/care ━ without doubts. Again, we won't be seeing her completely heal in the course of this story (like I said, that takes a long time), but she's certainly much better both individually and as a partner. She even confronted Alison's friends in order to patch up what she figured was damaged ━ her bond with them ━ and I think that gave her a sense a relief. It probably helped them, too, as they realize how much Alison means to Emily.
> 
> Although we won't be getting a full, morning-after scene, we get to rest easily knowing these two will be spending a week together, and next chapter will bring the very start of that week: Sunday ━ or, should I say… a special, family dinner. This is where the "vacation" chapter comes into play; for every story I write, we (the readers and Emison) take a trip somewhere, and this will be a single day, however it'll be full of much-needed fluff.
> 
> Now, I (vaguely) promised I'd surprise you with some news about my upcoming story, and I'm holding true to that. For those of you who have been wondering (or even if you haven't heard): It's no longer hypothetical, and I'm certainly writing another AU. Before I explain what it's about, I'm going to be straight-up and say that, unlike my previous stories, I don't think the new fic can be labeled "drama" or anything relatively dark. In fact, if you're looking for a harsh-sailing Emison storyline, the upcoming fic is not in that ballpark. For anyone who's been with me since I first started writing, y'all know I love drama and making people feel heavy things, so this is going to be a change. It's primarily fluff, some steamy moments, comfort, learning about people, etc.; I'd say it's an overwhelming amount of positivity in a knotted situation. With that being said, I'll obviously have to throw in at least one moment that makes you tilt your heads to the side, or stir with conflict, but it's mostly a story of coming together ━ and soul mates, if you believe in those.
> 
> This may be the part where some of you (if you're like me) make a face: there's pregnancy involved. You see, over the past however-many months coping with Alison's on-screen pregnancy (because, honestly, I have such a large distaste for the idea and a massive fear of childbirth), I've also realized that the fandom must've missed out on some notable milestones in her development with Emily when it comes to nurturing their unborn child(ren). Let me restate that I'm not a fan of pregnancy, and I'm normally the first to turn away or grimace at the concept (not in a rude way, but something about it just makes me feel… odd), plus I also didn't want the baby storyline to dilute Emison, first and foremost, as a couple, however I do think that them making a family is something positive, so I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone to take on a story that could bring all these fluffy (yet sometimes disturbing) instances together. I'll give you a heads-up now: we'll only endure the first few months of it, for the most part, because it's still focusing on Emison coming together (after all, they'll be strangers at the beginning of the story), but I've written eight chapters so far and I'm very pleased with it.
> 
> I'm sure a lot of you are already squinting and theorizing about the story, especially how Alison became pregnant since (spoiler alert) we're thrown into the story when she's already two weeks along, but I can give you two hints: 1) like in this story, not everything is clear-cut, and 2) her pregnancy isn't a result of anything sinister, I promise; Alison and Emily, in this story, are very much optimistic about life ━ though that doesn't mean there's nothing missing.
> 
> If you want more information (that I'm willing to give), you can come to me on Tumblr ("capn-charlie") and ask questions, but otherwise I'll let you know when I have a solid date of when I'll be posting, and/or I'll update you if I have more to share.
> 
> Thanks for dealing with me, as always, and have a nice rest of the week.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy weekend, everybody!
> 
> Thanks for the kind words regarding last chapter and my upcoming fic. As you know, it means the world, and only encourages me to keep going. I'm thinkin' that, sometime within the next day or so, I'll be posting a short excerpt from the upcoming story, on Tumblr. I'd do it on here, but, when I do, it's normally a bitch to format, so I'm trying not to torture myself like that. Who knows, though. I'd just suggest that, if you'd like to see it, you should keep checking my Tumblr ("capn-charlie") for both updates and possible snippets. I'll certainly give you the actual, story summary by the end of this fic, though, and I won't wait too long to post the first chapter once this one ends. Gotta keep y'all on your toes.
> 
> Now, I'm sure you want to get down to the nitty-gritty, so you may proceed.

Alison sits cross-legged on the edge of Emily’s mattress, watching her girlfriend adjust her clothes in the mirror for what feels like the thirtieth time in ten minutes. She looks down at her own outfit, noting the navy-blue sundress patterned with vibrant pink and red flowers accented by deep green leaves while her feet are bottomed by nice sandals. Her hair is also pulled to one side, topping her ensemble off with a casual yet dressy style that’s a testament to the beautiful, breezy but warm weather outside.

Emily’s breathy huff makes Alison lift her chin to look at her again, listening to the nervous, almost-panicking mumble, “I’m glad I decided to shower before we went to your place,” fall from the girl’s lips.

“Even if you hadn’t, there’s no rush,” her words are airy, making sure to calm the other girl in however way she can.

She watches the brunette’s face morph in the mirror, looking conflicted when it comes to what she sees even though Alison realizes that it has nothing to do with her physical appearance. An empathetic smile curves her lips while she turns away, thoughts falling back to their visit to her apartment in order to pick up some things for the week ahead.

_ “Take what you’ll need for the week because we’re not coming back here,” Emily instructs, though it’s more so with a sing-song tune as Alison rummages through her drawers. _

_ “How dramatic,” the girl muses as she shuffles her things, her girlfriend giggling in the background whilst sitting down onto the bed. “I should probably bring a nice, dressy outfit just in case someone decides to take me out somewhere,” it’s said with a pointed tone and raised eyebrows as her head is ducked practically into the drawer, Emily squinting her eyes with a smirk. _

_ “Sorry, are you hinting at a date?” she smiles heavily. “An actual date? In public?” _

_ “Maybe,” Alison tries to be coy but her initial hesitation gives away her real thoughts. _

_ Emily flashes a new, smug smile from where she sits, simply humming at the answer. Her eyes search the room she’s never been in prior to this visit, assessing the bland decorations and few personal mementos. It looks like a hotel room, Emily muses to herself, because there’s nothing that really screams, “Alison,” anywhere in this space ━ but, then again, the entire apartment is pretty barren when it comes to personality and uniqueness. _

_ “And some bras, underwear…” the brunette hears Alison talk to herself as the listed items are shoved into a large bag. _

_ “You don’t need those.” _

_ “Ha-ha, funny,” the dull response is spoken as she turns around, hands on her hips with Emily casually sitting and staring at her.  _

_ “I wasn’t trying to be.” _

_ Alison rolls her eyes, taking a second to look at her girlfriend with thoughts twisting around within her mind until her features soften and she suddenly asks, “Is this the first time you’ve been in my room?” _

_ “Uh,” the brunette purses her lips and looks around with a hum, “yeah, it is.” _

_ “Hm,” she appears amused by the idea but also a bit interested, walking over with a newfound grin and leaning down to kiss Emily on the mouth, “maybe we should make a memory before I leave for a whole week.” _

_ “A memory?” Emily chuckles into the next, short kiss. “Some memory that’d be.” _

_ “Mhm,” it invites another peck on the lips, one which Alison wants to melt into but Emily stops quickly with raised eyebrows and a quiet “Finish packing.” _

_ “What, you don’t like my apartment?” the blonde straightens her back out and smirks, walking over to her bag and double-checking to see what she still needs to toss into the item. _

_ Emily bites the tip of her tongue with a shy grin, “That’s not what I meant.” _

_ “It’s okay,” Alison sighs. “I like yours better than mine, too.”  _

_ Really, she wants to say that it feels more like home with warmth, comfort, and happiness, but the words seem overly cheesy and her lips seal shut. Emily feels her heart flutter at the sentiment because she’s already become accustomed to sharing a space with Alison, and the thought of her girlfriend being just as enthused by the idea is endearing. She bites her lower lip, wanting to say something but the confidence to come out with the words just isn’t peaking enough. Her eyes drift along the floor and she can feel her window of opportunity closing, but the offer is forced out before her mind can catch up to what she’s saying ━ and maybe that’s a good thing. _

_ “In that case,” Emily feels herself smiling even though her chest shakes, “you’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like.” _

_ Alison stops moving her hands within the bag, lifting her head to stare at the wall in front of her even though a sheepish grin crawls onto her face in the most childish fashion.  _

_ “I told you, we’ll see how you feel after this week is over,” mentally, she scolds herself for playing it off as a joke, and her own reply is so irritating that she actually turns to Emily with eyes that are so playful yet kind of apologetic.  _

_ She sees Emily giving her a look that tells her to be serious, making her trap the tip of her tongue between her teeth before thinking to herself ━ not to say it’s much because she’s already made her decision on the matter ━ and eventually answering, “I guess I’ll have to think about how long I’d like to stay,” with a smoothness in the statement. _

_ Emily can tell she wants to accept the offer and stay forever, but who knows if Alison is a believer when it comes to the whole,“it’s too soon” concept of time. She wouldn’t blame her if she decided that it’s not going to work so quickly ━ because maybe it really won’t ━ but the option is out in the open, and Emily feels accomplished for being so straightforward. _

_ “Okay,” Alison makes a funny noise with her lips, breathing out, “I think I’m━” _

_ The sound of the blonde’s phone ringing in her pocket makes her frown in confusion, mainly because it’s Sunday afternoon and she’s rarely contacted at this time ━ not even by CeCe or Spencer. She pulls out the device and her mouth opens, Emily watching her every move. Before it stops ringing, however, Alison accepts the call and lifts the phone to her ear. _

_ “Good afternoon?” it’s a cheeky, questioning greeting, and Emily narrows her eyes. _

_ “Afternoon,” her mother’s voice floats through the speaker, sounding kind and upbeat. “Having a nice Sunday?” _

_ “Yeah, I am,” she smiles and tries to ignore the brown eyes that study her movements. _

_ “Sounds lovely. Are you still planning on visiting for dinner?” the question is granted the reaction of Alison’s face falling because she completely forgot, sitting next to Emily on the bed as her mother continues, “An early dinner, obviously. We know you have work in the morning and wouldn’t want you to be too tired since you know your father’s going to want to make a fire, after we eat.” _

_ “I, um…” the blonde clears her throat, eyes drifting to Emily who tilts her head to the side, oddly enough giving Alison the confidence to regain a more-solid attitude. “Yes, that’s… sure.” _

_ Her girlfriend snickers even though she can’t hear what the other person is saying over the line, but the sound is cut short when Alison asks, “Is it okay if I bring someone, though?” _

_ “May I ask whom?” although she doesn’t sound negative, Alison can tell her mother is skeptical and a round of detailed questions are on the verge of spilling. _

_ Alison takes a breath, straightening her back where she sits and saying, “My girlfriend,” with a courage that only wavers a little because the words are pretty damn convictive now. _

_ Emily raises her eyebrows in response, feeling… good. Really good. _

_ “She’s more than welcome to come,” something in her voice tells Alison that she’s wearing a smug smile and getting ready to spill the news to her father, making the blonde roll her eyes. _

“Ali? Hello?” Emily waves her hand in front of her girlfriend’s face, finally seeing her blink hard and lift her eyes so they’re staring at each other.

“Sorry, what?” she smiles gently, the brunette wanting to match it but not having the stomach to right now.

Instead, she backs up to show the other girl her outfit with a questioning shrug, Alison chuckling at her nerves because they seem to be spiking with each and every second that passes. She remembers how shaky she felt before approaching Emily’s mother and how desperate to be liked she’d feel if she were to meet Mr. Fields, but neither of those would amount to her girlfriend’s current nerves, and it’s a little concerning. Actually, Alison somewhat realizes that it’s probably due to Emily’s lack of experience with “meeting the parents,” so part of her can respect the major insecurities relating to the encounter ━ not to mention that the invitation came out of nowhere. Additionally, Emily has already voiced her concerns when it comes to the location of Alison’s childhood home, knowing Milford is nicer than most surrounding locations in Connecticut, and, quite frankly, it’s a little intimidating. 

Alison stares at Emily’s outfit when she stands up. The girl’s torso is covered with a black and white, vertical-pinstriped, button-up shirt, accompanied by short jean shorts that are appropriately lengthed ━ both for the visit and the blonde’s tastes. Only the two, top buttons of Emily’s shirt are undone, and the bottom is tucked into her shorts in a cute fashion, but Alison squints because it’s like she’s trying so hard to appease to what she believes her parents’ standards are. It makes her smile, anyway, but Emily looks down at her own outfit.

“Is this too… I don’t know, casual?” the brunette’s worry makes Alison want to snort because it’s the complete opposite, shaking her head with a giggle.

“If anything, it’s too formal.”

Brown eyes drift down again, forehead creasing, “So, it’s too much?”

“Either way, my parents won’t care, Em,” she tries to provide comfort by taking a step forward and rubbing her palms along the girl’s arms with a grin that’s welcoming and supportive.

“Maybe so, but I do,” it comes out through what sounds like a pout mixed with an oncoming whine, Alison taking a breath and giggling again before deciding to help out before the girl in front of her bursts into tears at something so silly.

Alison tilts her head to the side while looking over the outfit once more, deliberately approaching a step closer and gingerly reaching into Emily’s pants as the brunette’s breath hitches. She smirks but untucks Emily’s shirt with ease, afterwards tying it in front of her in a loose knot that’s also stylish. Once that’s finished, Alison glances up at Emily and smirks again, but it’s so faint and erased almost immediately when she leans in to kiss her girlfriend. The peck is extended into something a little more heated, and, in the process, Alison undoes two more buttons of the girl’s shirt so a decent amount of cleavage is showing — but not too much.

When she feels nimble fingers undoing the buttons, Emily breaks the kiss and looks down, her nose brushing against Alison’s until they’re eye to eye once her “fixing up” is finished. 

“There.”

Emily cracks a sheepish smile, offering a timid “I just have to fix my hair, and we can go” to Alison who nods happily and watches the brunette leave the room. She lets out a deep exhale once she’s alone, wringing her fingers in front of her because her libido is eating her alive where she stands, and it’s her own fault ━ well, technically it’s her brain’s fault. The unmade bed behind her is a constant reminder, as well, and her eyes periodically dart to the messy blankets strewn across the top of the mattress while the pillows are in weird positions from their deep sleep after everything was finished.

She remembers the night before and what happened once their bodies finally crashed, holding Emily against her chest with their lungs filling and emptying at a solid rate due to what felt like a tenth wave of orgasms and overall attraction. Her memory becomes fuzzy after that, wondering if they fell asleep in that position or if they had shifted at some point, but she recalls muttering the words, _ “I love you,” _ to Emily who returned the favor with a kiss to the side of her chest while their skin continued to cling together.

This morning was hardly any different, but Emily awoke just barely cuddled up to Alison, and, upon seeing blue eyes open with an overwhelming sleepiness, she crawled closer, shimmied lower, and laid her head onto her girlfriend’s stomach while the sheets covered their lower halves. It got a breathy chuckle from Alison who began to wake up further, occasionally closing her eyes again just to gain more energy, and Emily felt fingers drag through her hair repeatedly.

_ “You’re so warm,” Alison says through a sleepy laugh, feeling a kiss placed to her stomach. _

_ Emily smiles while rubbing her cheek against soft skin beneath her ear, fingers still running through the dark strands of her hair. _

_ “That’s your fault.” _

_ “I don’t see how,” the blonde stretches slightly. “You’re the one on top of me.” _

Emily clears her throat and Alison turns to her, the girl looking as smug as ever when catching her girlfriend staring at the bed with a bitten lip and unblinking eyes.

“Ready to go?” Alison asks, and Emily sucks in a sharp breath with wide eyes.

The blonde laughs at her nervous expression while approaching with a cute “They’re really not that bad, I promise.”

“I’m just not used to this.”

“I know,” a shrug comes with the words. “Neither am I, if it makes you feel any better.”

Emily nods, next hearing the claim, “We’ll do this together,” come from Alison who smiles warmly and leans in to press a kiss to her cheek.

They’re just about to walk out of the apartment, hand in hand, when Emily’s phone begins to ring, her mouth falling into a frown. She wonders if it’s Hanna and/or Aria wondering where she is because she hadn’t spoken to them again and the day’s hours are slimming down, but that theory evaporates once she sees that it’s her mom, and she’s giving Alison a curt smile matched with a regretful “Give me a minute.”

“Take your time,” Alison mutters while following Emily further into the kitchen so they can lean against the cabinets, the brunette swiping her thumb along the screen and answering the call with a cheery “Hello?”

_ “Hi there,” _ she can sense the smile breaking her mother’s voice, their conversations being more sparse than usual ever since her father passed away.

“What’s up?” Emily tries to make small-talk even though they were just about to leave, knowing that Alison won’t be upset if they don’t head over to her parents’ right now, but also not wanting to delay the visit much longer.

_ “I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing,”  _ her mother confesses. _ “I didn’t want to bother you much during the week because I figured you’d call if you needed something, but I missed hearing your voice.” _

She smiles in understanding, bowing her head while shifting her feet.

“I missed you too, Mom,” a pause interrupts her response. “I’m doing good. I've realized that I’m not alone and I’m thankful for those around me, so I think I’m going to be okay.” 

Alison notes that brown eyes move in her direction as she speaks the words smoothly, leaving no room for hesitation or self-questioning. In response, Alison shuffles closer and takes her free hand, kissing the back of it before simply playing with her fingers.

_ “That’s relieving to hear.” _

“And I’m sorry for arguing with you before the wake,” Emily licks her lips in thought. “It’s been bothering me because I know Dad wouldn’t have wanted that. I was just… I’m not really sure, I’m sorry.”

_ “We should’ve told you, Emily, and I’m sorry we didn’t. We didn’t want to worry you with what we thought was a small casualty. That kind of thing unfortunately becomes routine, so we thought it was just that. We still should've said something,”  _ a sigh comes forward.  _ “You're not a young kid anymore, and you deserve to know what's going on. I'm sorry.”  _

“I know,” she feels her throat tightening up and takes a breath, letting the line fall silent as her mother does the same until she forces the conversation into something lighter with a sudden  _ “Have you been keeping busy?” _

“Yeah, actually. I’m working again, boxing with Toby…” her eyes move to Alison once more with a peaking grin, “and I’m actually going with Alison to see her parents, in a little.” 

_ “Oh,”  _ Mrs. Fields sounds surprised,  _ “I didn’t realize you already knew her parents.” _

“I don’t,” Emily gets out through a shaky laugh, sealing her lips. “I’m meeting them today.”

At first, there’s more silence, and Emily wonders if her mom took the phone away from her ear to do something for a moment, but then she hears a semi-devious, knowing tone float through the speaker, and the brunette bites her inner cheek.

_ “Any particular reason why you sound so nervous? _

“Kind of.”

_ “Kind of?” _

“Ali and I… we’re… dating,” Emily informs. “I just want to make sure they like me,” she knows Alison is standing right next to her, and, normally, she’d try to hide her blatant nerves, but she’s beyond sure that the blonde’s noticed them by now and maybe it’ll help to admit aloud how anxious she is.

Alison moves away from Emily’s side and goes to stand in front of her, only five inches separating their bodies. Emily takes a breath, listening to a comforting  _ “You’ll do great, sweetie. You’re a good person to have around, and I’m sure they’ll be able to see that.”  _

She’s about to accept the advice and kind words with lingering apprehension, but she’s interrupted by the woman claiming,  _ “And I’m not just saying that because you’re my baby,”  _ and, suddenly, she’s rolling her eyes with a smile accompanied by a laugh. 

“Thank you,” Emily lets the encouragement sink in. “Love you.”

_ “Love you too,”  _ the response is sweet and maybe a bit surprised at her mushiness, opposing her usual, basic demeanor when it comes to phone calls.  _ “We’ll talk soon.” _

“I’ll call you,” it’s a promise, and she hopes her mother picks up on it, the two ultimately giving a pair of kind goodbyes after Mrs. Fields also throws in a random  _ “Tell Alison I said hello.” _

Her phone is slid into her pocket, afterwards looking up to see Alison still standing in front of her with an overall softness and a bitten lip. Emily manages to smile even though she swallows hard, feeling gentle fingers reach for hers once blue eyes drift down to the space between them and she shuffles forward. She accepts the comfort openly, closing her eyes when she sees Alison lean closer and shift her body onto the tips of her toes in order to place a lingering kiss to her girlfriend’s forehead before doing the same to her nose and mouth. Once they’re face to face with merely three inches separating them, Emily licks her lips and takes a breath, afterwards forcing her shoulders to relax while raising her chin a fraction.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Are you?” Alison bounces the question to her, Emily’s eyes evading hers, but a confident, accepting attitude takes over. 

“Yeah,” she answers with a grin. “With you… yeah, I’m ready.”

It’s granted a content hum just as Alison’s fingers entwine with hers, pulling her away from the kitchen counter so they can exit the apartment and hit the road to endure a short yet traffic-involved, forty minute ride.

 

X X X

 

Emily takes in Alison’s old bedroom, being amazed by the size and structure of the space. It has high ceilings ━ much like the rest of the house ━ bottomed by beautiful, hardwood floors, and the fact that it’s much less boxy than a standard room is interesting, to say the least. There’s a small reading nook pressed against tall windows, an area where a large bed is stationed, a closet that she could probably live in, and a conjoined bathroom. The decor is much more Alison-esque than the girl’s current apartment, and Emily wonders why she hadn’t taken any ━ or most ━ of her things when she moved out. In fact, her old bedroom looks untouched in a way that makes Emily wonder why it was never made into something else, though it’s not like they need any additional room because the whole house is massive.

Pulling up to the “mansion” ━ or so she absentmindedly drawled while the car tires crunched along the pebble-filled driveway and her face was damn near pressed against the window ━ Emily had finally gotten an idea of the DiLaurentis family’s wealth, and a fresh wave of nerves clasped her throat, the brunette turning to her girlfriend with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. Alison, seeing the face out of the corner of her eye, swallowed hard and tried to ignore it as much as she could, mainly because she wasn’t sure if Emily was stunned by the obvious money situation, angry that she never mentioned it, or a combination of the two. Not being looked at, Emily went back to assessing the new surroundings as they parked, hearing birds chirping from the surrounding trees, water rushing somewhere within the forest on the west side of the yard, and studying each bit of green from the shrubs, to the grass, to the wooded areas in the distance. She knew, by first glance, that the backyard must be even bigger, seeing the trees become non-existent behind the house as if it turned into a valley instead of a simple lot. The thought piqued her interest, and Alison watched her step out of the car in awe, suddenly matching Emily’s former uneasiness that returned in full force once an older woman opened the large front door and gingerly glided down the steps with a smile.

_ “Mom,” Alison says with determination and lightness once the woman lets go of her, motioning to the girl beside her, “this is Emily.” _

_ “Your girlfriend,” Mrs. DiLaurentis’ knowing tone sounds far too familiar, Emily notes, giving her a genuine smile and a polite “Nice to meet you.” _

_ “And the same to you,” at first, it looks like she’s reading Emily, but the brunette doesn’t mind, knowing it probably goes with the territory. _

_ She stops within seconds, however, giving the two girls an impressed nod before turning to her daughter’s girlfriend once more and saying, “I’m happy you could join us,” with a less-than-authoritative and very kind attitude. _

_ “Thanks for letting me tag along.” _

The introduction ended in Mrs. DiLaurentis bringing the pair into the house with Emily’s amazement sparking once more, the house’s foyer being two stories tall with a delicate, crystal-like chandelier hanging from a bronze chain. Her lips parted, and Alison looked back when she stopped following her mother further into the house, laughing at her girlfriend’s expression with a cute  _ “Come on. You’ll have time to stare at lights later.” _

Next on Emily’s “list of new things to take in” was the kitchen, half of it being lined with tall windows leading out to a side deck area whereas the rest continued the trend of high ceilings and faded yet airy decor pieces, still displaying scattered, bronze accents on  the cabinets and drawers. Emily was completely dumbfounded and felt silly for staring at everything like she’s never been out of her own apartment before, but Alison understood, and her mother never mentioned it, either ━ something the brunette mentally thanked them for. 

_ “Jason’s not coming, is he?” Alison steals a grape from a nearby bowl, popping it into her mouth and listening to her mother sigh. _

_ “No,” she makes a face. “He wasn’t supposed to, but then he sounded like he was changing his mind, but he ended up sticking to his original word. I understand it because, hey, it’s business, but…”  _

_ “Next time,” the blonde shrugs her shoulders. _

_ “What, are you going to force him into coming here?” her mother quirks an eyebrow at Alison’s conviction. _

_ “I could,” Alison hums, squinting one eye before turning to her silent girlfriend with a “Right, Em?” and getting attentive eyes even though a silly “Hm?” exits her mouth. _

_ “There you are,” Mr. DiLaurentis all but rushes into the kitchen from an adjacent room, approaching Alison who smiles hard and hugs him. “Glad you could make it.” _

_ “I mean, technically you aren’t that far from Stamford,” she makes fun of her parents for seeming like they live states away. _

_ “But you’re not living here anymore,” his eyebrows raise with his words being pointed. “Anywhere else is far when you’re a parent.” _

_ Alison doesn’t respond, nodding just barely before looking past her father to see Emily standing there silently. She wants to smirk at the still-nervous body language, but instead approaches, grabs the brunette’s arm, and brings her over to her father. _

_ “Dad, this is Emily,” she introduces the two, both smiling at each other before the older man looks at his daughter who throws in a confident, “my girlfriend.” _

_ He seems to grow happier at her carefree, solid proclamation, turning back to Emily, nodding, and shaking her hand when he can tell that a hug could likely make her even more nervous. The brunette feels herself breathe out another “Nice to meet you” and feels like a robot for saying it, though she’s only said it a time before aloud ━ in her head, however, that’s a different story. _

_ “Nice of you to accompany Alison today.” _

His father-ish grin was warm and made her worries ease away, neither of Alison’s parents acting awkward around her while opening conversations for her to jump into, just standing around in the kitchen. 

Alison shuffled over to where she was lingering at one point after her parents told them they’d be having the “summer-oriented” meal of hamburgers and hot dogs in a while, the blonde leaning into her girlfriend’s ear and joking,  _ “Do you see why I didn’t want you to overdress? They’re more casual than anything. Like golfers at some resort,”  _ to earn a chuckle. Without straightening her back again, Alison turned to Emily and caught her eyes roaming the ceiling in search of something new to look at, ending with the blonde licking her lips and leaning toward her ear again. Emily didn’t notice Alison’s proximity until she heard the girl whisper,  _ “Now, let’s explore,” _ with a new, inviting attitude that she frowned at because she wasn’t about to get roped into any of  _ those  _ feelings while around the blonde’s parents, though that pretty sundress she’s wearing hasn’t helped her reluctance whatsoever. 

The “tour” was full of Emily’s starstruck eyes and comments, but Alison noticed that she still hadn’t even relatively made it known that she’s irritated by her family’s money. She had no idea if it’s good or bad, but forced herself into making Emily feel at-home about her out-of-the-blue visit to her childhood house; whether or not the brunette accepts it, Alison wants her to know she’s like part of the family now, especially because it’s very rare that she brings anyone home with her since it’s something she tries to distance herself from due to the own living she’s made. In fact, Elliott had only visited roughly five times throughout the extent of their relationship ━ not to say those encounters were really lengthy ━ and they were rarely overly pleasant, being filled with awkward silence and occasional disagreements.

Alison shook her head to make the thoughts come to a halt, not wanting to delve back into her former relationship because Emily is currently her priority and she’s never been happier. She turned back to the girl, at the time, and held her hand a little tighter while putting a happy smile on her face. Emily wasn’t looking, however, because she was way too focused on everything else, and Alison ended up playfully rolling her eyes because of how enwrapped she appeared by a basic, long hallway. 

Saving the most personal environment for last, they ended up in her bedroom with a closed door that the brunette initially side-eyed, Alison walking over to her bed and sitting on the edge of the mattress while her girlfriend took everything in ━ just like she’s still doing now.

“Dinner’s going to be ready by the time you’re done staring at everything,” Alison smirks, hands gripping at the edge of her bed while holding herself in place with a tilted head.

Emily closes her mouth, not realizing that it had opened in interest at some point.

“Sorry,” she laughs and blinks hard. “I know I’ve been…” no decent words come to mind, her shoulders slouching.

Alison hums, pushing herself off the bed and sauntering over to her girlfriend whose breath hitches at the sudden, deliberate advancement. Emily waits, feet all but glued to where she stands, and Alison comes to a standstill less than a foot away from her.

Blue eyes roam her features with intent, Emily sealing her mouth and watching Alison lick her bottom lip slowly. She wonders what the girl is thinking, mostly because she feels like she’s being preyed upon, and this sudden, strong attraction is coming out of nowhere. 

Actually, no; they’ve been at it since last night, but it’s not like this is the most opportune time for something to happen, and Alison wouldn’t try anything with her parents somewhere in the house, right?

Emily feels lips press against the corner of her mouth, then the other, and suddenly they’re against hers while hands carefully cup her jaw. She makes sure to back up once the elongated peck is broken apart, Emily keeping two inches of space between their mouths, and Alison’s lidded eyes open with a frustrated laugh coming from her throat because she’s not sure where her energy came from, but it’s seriously━

“You’re thinking about something,” Emily reveals her internal debate, still unsure of what it is.

Alison bites her lower lip, and the atmosphere turns thick again, “I’m thinking…” she kisses Emily another time, starting a new sentence and speaking against the girl’s mouth. “Something about being back in my childhood home makes me want to be everything less than innocent.”

The other girl wants to blink hard at the statement because it’s covered in seduction and she feels it being successful, drawing her body into it. She forces herself away, however, and takes a step back while deciding to push through the thick atmosphere by using humor, teasing, “You strike me as one of those nerdy, study-focused high-schoolers who didn’t get out often,” with narrowed eyes that make Alison laugh.

“You’re  _ kinda  _ correct,” she admits with a solid nod, looking away. “I didn’t care much for my studies until junior and senior year of high school, actually. Before that, I didn’t often pay attention, but still managed to get by.” 

“But did you go to parties and everything else?”

“Mm,” it’s a negative hum, Alison making a face. “That’s where your assumption is  _ correct _ ,” she rolls her eyes with a dopey grin. “I was invited to a lot of things, but they didn’t appeal to me. When I  _ did  _ go out, though…”

Her “story” ends with a sultry, up-and-down look-over, Emily wondering if the girl meant she became a little devious when she ended up heading to parties or out with her friends. It’s interesting but also a bit frustrating because Alison is giving her eyes that say she wants the current moment to be like one of those “dangerous” times, and her throat tightens up while having to force a very shaky laugh where she crosses her arms.

“Please don’t sit next to me at dinner,” the brunette continues to laugh, but her girlfriend can tell she’s serious. “Or at least keep your hands where I can see them, at all times,” it’s added with raised eyebrows and a smile that’s also lecturing.

“The outdoor dining table is frosted glass and practically see-through, don’t worry,” Alison mindlessly sighs, and Emily’s eyes blink rapidly when her thoughts return to the girl’s giant, childhood home, the reaction not being missed by the blonde whose arms rest by her sides while her demeanor turns shy.

“Does my family’s wealth bother you?” her voice is so tiny and concerned that Emily wants to pout at it in sympathy, not previously realizing that she was making her girlfriend feel that way.

“No,” Emily assures her while taking a step forward with furrowed eyebrows. “Why would it?”

“I don’t know,” Alison decides to be honest, shrugging one shoulder. “I don’t want you to think I’m some snobby rich girl who gets everything she wants because mommy and daddy pay for it. A lot of people who find out about my family think that, but I can’t whine about it because they’ll just say I shouldn’t be crying about having money.”

She’s given a sad smile but taken into Emily’s arms, a kiss being pressed to her head and a comforting “You know I’d never think that. Money or not, you’re you for…  _ you _ . I may not have known about your family’s situation before this visit, but nothing I think of you has changed since I found out. Not about your parents, either. They’re nice.”

The embrace is broken, Emily putting her hands on Alison’s shoulders and squeezing gently with a dopey, playful grin.

“You  _ do  _ get everything you want,” she begins with a chuckle that fades when a seriousness comes to her words, “but I know it’s only because you’re persistent, driven, and hardworking.”

Alison smiles, her eyes lighting up, “Thank you for making me feel better.”

“That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?”

“Mm, maybe a part of it,” she hugs the girl, leaning back afterwards. “Am I supposed to show you the house’s other wing?”

“Wing?” Emily’s forehead creases, Alison taking a step back and watching it sink in. “Wait, wait, wait. There are multiple  _ wings _ ?” her eyes go wide, and her girlfriend bites her lower lip. “How big is this house?”

“You wouldn’t have even known if I didn’t just tell you,” Alison laughs at the face she makes, rolling her eyes. “Besides, there are only two wings. My brother and I used to stay in this one while my parents have the other. The main space isn’t considered its own wing. That’s where you find the kitchen, formal dining room, living room, home theater, and main exit to the side deck,” she lists with squinted eyes and a finger tapping against her palm.

Emily takes in the information and a deep breath falls from her mouth, missing the way Alison’s eyes glisten with something pretty devious paving over the formerly light-blue color. 

“Come to think of it…” the blonde gets closer and plays with the loose knot of Emily’s shirt, “how about we go and hide away in the theater? I haven’t shown you that yet.” 

“Hide away?” the words get Emily’s attention, looking into dark eyes. 

“Just the two of us,” she kisses her on the mouth, the brunette trying to keep herself steady as hands grasp at her shirt, and she begins to do the same to the back of Alison’s dress.

“Don’t you want to visit with your parents?”

“They’re busy cooking dinner.”

“I’m sure they’d love to see us.”

“And they will… but, right now, I want to show you around some more,” Alison smiles against Emily’s mouth and the brunette gives into the kiss for half of a second, trying to put some distance between them again even though her girlfriend continues on with her persistent personality.

“In the theater,” it’s a half-question, half-accusation, feeling lips begin to trace the contour of her jaw while her fingers tremble against the navy-blue fabric along the other girl’s waist.

“It’s pretty big,” Alison places open-mouthed kisses to her neck. “Lots to see,” Emily can feel teeth scraping against her skin and releases a shaky breath, ultimately only having the power to mutter, “Mhm, I bet,” with a clenched jaw before she’s suddenly jerked forward and through the doorway with intent.

 

X X X

 

“Did that really happen?” Emily goes wide-eyed with her mouth dropping in amusement, the four collectively laughing at a story Mr. DiLaurentis had told about inadvertently lighting an extended patch of grass on fire when a tiki torch collapsed onto the lawn.

He clears his throat with rosy cheeks, managing to explain, “I wasn’t aware of it until Jason pointed it out, and━”

“And he  _ still  _ didn’t do anything about it,” a slightly tipsy Mrs. DiLaurentis interrupts, shaking her head.

“He just stared at it while Jason ran inside to get the extinguisher,” Alison chuckles, sitting close to Emily on one of the deck’s fancy lounge chairs.

“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal!” he weakly tries to defend himself with a crack in his voice, emphatically shrugging his shoulders before taking a sip of some, dark liquid in a crystal glass. 

“How is three feet of fire not a big deal?” his wife goes bug-eyed while keeping her voice level with his.

“Okay, I think you’re exaggerating just a little━”

“It was definitely a lot,” Alison runs over whatever he was about to say with another snicker, Emily still laughing at the story.

“The worst my dad’s done is explode a casserole dish in the oven,” the brunette adds to the conversation with a reminiscent smile.

“Oh, so you get your cooking skills from him?” her girlfriend prods, nudging her in the side as Mrs. DiLaurentis raises her eyebrows from across the stone-kept fire.

“Hey, I’ve only tried to cook one thing for you, and it wasn’t a good day, to begin with.”

“If you come back sometime, I’ll teach you a few things,” Alison’s mother sweetly tosses to Emily, getting a smile and an immediate nod with a joking “As long as you’re not emotionally attached to your kitchen.”

“If I can teach Jason, I can teach you.”

“ _ And _ you can help me grill,” Mr. DiLaurentis throws in his offer, his warm smile never fading.

Emily matches it with Alison feeling overly content inside, flashing back to the day they’ve spent with her parents because it’s become something beyond what she expected. Sure, she knew they’d like Emily because the brunette’s not the most conflicting person to encounter, but the fact that they  _ love  _ her is endearing ━ and maybe a little surprising. Although her parents had never really made advances to know who she dated or  _ married _ , they’d be passive no matter what. They wouldn’t show extreme emotion near those who she kept around, nor would they come off as interested in getting to know them aside from the normal, “who are you to my daughter?” standard, but this is different; coming into today,  _ she  _ knew that Emily would be part of the family no matter how they ultimately end up, but she didn’t realize that her parents would act the same. It’s comforting.

_ “I hope the food’s okay,” after an extensive placing of each and every plate, Alison’s father sits down next to his wife as the younger couple sits adjacently, everyone already eating as he finally gets situated and begins to take his own serving.  _

_ “It’s delicious,” Emily muses, and Alison hums. “Thank you.” _

_ “Dad’s been on a grilling kick,” the blonde turns to the girl beside her, smirking at what she said because they used to never have hot-weather-designed meals, but his new skill has recently introduced the concept.  _

_ “Mm, he finally learned how to grill, and now he’s obsessed,” Mrs. DiLaurentis raises her eyebrows, turning to her husband. “How many years did it take?” _

_ “Hey, now we can have great, summer meals whenever,” he throws back without looking up from his plate. “I don’t hear anyone complaining.” _

_ “Definitely not,” Alison raises her eyebrows. “I was getting bored of the constant salad and pork chops.” _

_ “But you’re okay with salad, burgers, and dogs?” _

_ “It’s different.” _

_ Her mother rolls her eyes with a dull “Huh” before switching the topic with a newfound, airy attitude. _

_ “So, how long have you two been together?” Jessica steals some chips from a bowl in the center of the glass table, the four sitting outside on the side deck.  _

_ “Um,” Alison and Emily look at each other with silent questions flowing between the two, the blonde answering before too much time passes, “not very long, but it feels… longer.” _

_ Her girlfriend smiles at the vague response, knowing she wouldn’t have been able to come up with a better one. Either way, it’s nice to know that she’s not alone when feeling like they’ve been connected for longer than what it’s been realistically, and she can’t stop her blushing cheeks while hiding the expression by taking a bite of her burger.  _

_ “And it must feel right if you invited her into the snake-pit so soon,” Jessica smirks at Emily, Alison making a face with wide eyes that say it was a conflict she had. _

_ “Yeah, I honestly wondered if I should,” it’s more so mumbled, and Emily seals her lips with a snicker coming through her mouth. _

_ “Now, I don’t think we’re that bad,” Kenneth grumbles before pointing his fork at his daughter’s girlfriend. “So, Emily, tell us about you. Any hobbies? Do you work?”  _

_ The two questions, one after the other, make her freeze for a moment, and she wonders if she should share any specifics about her career, but Alison doesn’t really react so she figures it’s okay to answer as long as she’s vague enough ━ not to say they’ve discussed whether or not they should explain how they met to her parents.  _

_ Her mouth opens, “I box in my spare time, and I’m an accountant when on the clock.” _

_ “No kidding,” his response comes with a hum. “And you two met through work?” _

_ At his underlying accusation, they share a look even though Emily doesn’t fully turn to Alison, her girlfriend afterwards looking toward her mother who flashes her a tight-lipped, “don’t try to bullshit us” kind of smile that makes her sink into her chair like a kid. Although they technically met prior to their work conflict, Emily feels an odd flavor of guilt hit her tongue, not knowing if they’re angry but suddenly feeling kind of cornered even though they don’t seem upset. It’s weird, she muses while looking between them, and Jessica begins to chuckle at their expressions ━ matching their lack of words. _

_ “You know that’s how your father and I met, right?” she directs at Alison who immediately straightens her back and tilts her head as if this is the weirdest thing she’s ever found out, her mother’s mouth opening while turning to her husband to ask, “We told her that, didn’t we?” _

_ “Uh…” it’s matched with a dumbfounded, trying-to-remember face, “maybe we hadn’t━” _

_ “No, you didn’t,” Alison cuts them off with narrowed eyes and a peaking smile that says she would’ve never expected it, primarily because her parents always seemed the most professional, and the concept of dating a coworker has never been looked at as something redeemable.  _

_ It gives her a sense of security, however, because of how she looks at her parents’ relationship after years. They still bicker like spouses are expected to, but she’d never witnessed anything less than love, and, although she rarely mentions it, she does admire it. That’s what she wants for herself, and part of her is surprised that she allowed her former marriage to get as far as it had because it was nothing like this tenderness and love. Her relationship with Emily, however… that’s━  _

“You’re thinking again,” Emily leans into Alison’s ear with a smug yet adorable grin that the blonde wants to kiss away, only partly tilting her head toward the girl with a red-handed expression.

“I know,” Alison bites her lower lip. “I’ve been doing that a lot today.”

“Save some thinking for the ride home, and enjoy yourself now,” her girlfriend coaxes, feeling Alison grab her hand to entwine their fingers while her parents discuss something on the other side of the fire.

“Are you sure you’re okay with driving home?” her voice is strained, sounding forced while leaning her head back against the chair. “I’ve barely had anything to drink.”

“I know you haven’t,” Emily comforts with her thumb rubbing against the girl’s hand. “I’m perfectly fine with driving. You seem tired, and I want you to have a chance to relax.”

“It’s not a long ride,” her argument grows even weaker, Emily wanting to roll her eyes at how stubborn she is.

“Which is why you should stop arguing with me and let me drive,” she settles on raising her eyebrows in a silent lecture, Alison finally relenting with a sigh.

“Okay,” it’s whispered while shifting her body until she’s sliding off the chair to stand up, Emily watching her, “but, before anything, I want to show you something.”

Her girlfriend looks skeptical but with mild interest accompanying her posture, and her parents don’t mention it as Emily stands up, being tugged along by the blonde who seems eager.

They ascend one or two steps near the side of the house, moving away from the fire little by little as everything around them darkens. Emily can faintly see the treeline to the west, occasional lights appearing near the entrance to the forest. Her attention is caught by Alison’s hand pulling her forward so they’re nearly walking on top of each other, the brunette giggling at her girlfriend’s desire to stay as close as possible.

“What do you want to show me?” she knows she’ll see within the next minute or so, but her curiosity gets the best of her and her eyes watch Alison look back with a childish smile.

“It’s a part of the house you haven’t seen yet,” is her initial answer. “My favorite part,” the addition comes quietly, almost like the girl is too wary to share the detail.

It makes her even more interested, however, and Emily happily allows herself to be dragged along the outer edge of the deck as they ascend a group of redone, wooden steps leading to the upper platform that’s basically a balcony on the back of the house. It’s spacious with a few chairs near the right side’s railing, but Alison pulls Emily along until they’re standing against the front portion and looking out at the dark, expansive backyard with dozens upon dozens of fireflies flickering about. The brunette smiles immediately, looking at Alison who bows her head with sealed lips because she knows how silly it is to be this captivated by the simple sight, but a good chunk of her timidity is erased when Emily breathes out a soft “Wow” and leans on the railing, her elbows digging into the piece of wood with her girlfriend doing the same.

“There’s so many of them,” Emily beams at the incredible sight, her childhood home having such a small backyard in a busy area that there were never  _ this  _ many fireflies. “It’s beautiful.”

She glances down and takes Alison’s hand in her own, moving closer when a breeze passes through the area.

“The fire tends to chase them away, so I’d always be ditching my parents’ parties to watch the fireflies alone,” her explanation is almost absentminded, staring out at the yard. “They comfort me, oddly enough.”

“It’s not odd,” Emily reassures her, pursing her lips. “It’s… warm.”

As soon as the word leaves her mouth, she wants to roll her eyes at herself because, honestly, what the━ 

“ _ Warm _ ?” the other girl smirks.

“You should know I’m not good with words, by now,” it’s mumbled through self-annoyance, Alison giggling and moving closer.

“That’s not true,” she wraps her arms fully around one of Emily’s, semi-cuddling up to her while they stand. “You just have a different way of looking at things. It’s something else I love about you.”

It’s true, Emily thinks to herself, but this “different” way of looking at things was never prominent before she met Alison. Quite frankly, Alison is the reason why Emily began to have a vast and/or colorful outlook on things, and she’s only recently realized it even though it began instantly. During the course of the night they met, Emily found herself interested in Alison’s complexity and her fresh attitude, giving the brunette something new to deal with as opposed to the standard personalities she’d gotten to know previously. She began to second-guess herself and question the decisions she made, hoping to better herself for her own benefit and ━  _ hopefully  _ ━ Alison’s. Struggles turned into progress, evident in their more recent debacles, and that extracted a better version of Emily ━ one which she never knew existed. Overall, she began to see light in places she never dared to look ━ initially willing or not ━ and that’s because of Alison’s aura rubbing off on her when she didn’t expect it. Until the night they met, Emily never realized she needed someone like Alison to help her find herself, and for that’s she’s thankful ━ the blonde being her girlfriend or otherwise.

People like Alison are rare, and she welcomes the idea with open arms, ready to hold onto the girl she’s come to know and love.

She smiles randomly, looking cheeky and overly content while Alison can feel the girl’s cheek shift upward against the top of her head. The blonde tilts her chin upward to look at Emily, noting her smile and sparkling eyes as they stare out at the illuminated yard.

“You look happy,” Alison reveals both of their thoughts, snuggling her cheek against Emily’s arm again.

“That’s because I am.”

The honesty is granted some watery eyes by Alison, not knowing where the overwhelming emotion came from but also reveling in it until the tears fade without falling. She takes a deep breath and swallows hard, looking down at the grass while muttering, “I can’t love every bad feeling away, and I know you realize that, but I hope I at least make you understand you’re not alone.”

She lifts her head to look at Emily who nods, licks her lips, and smiles.

“You’ve done nothing but make me understand that, Ali,” she feels the girl lean against her arm more, loving the warmth it provides. “Even if it’s impossible to love someone’s darkness away, you’re sure as hell making a great effort to kill that idea.”

They both chuckle at her bluntness, Emily turning the conversation back to something more serious, admitting, “You make me feel happy,” with a newfound, love-drunk grin. “All the time.”

Alison steals Emily’s hand and kisses her palm, “Your happiness makes me happy.”

“Cheesy,” the brunette raises her eyebrows, teasing with a dull tone.

“I know,” she almost groans. “CeCe and Spencer won’t be happy about this sappy change in attitude.”

“They can blame me.”

“They can and likely will. I know I do.”

“I’m so sorry,” her voice says otherwise, Alison rolling her eyes heavily with a playfully annoyed “We’re not doing this again” that’s not able to be argued against when she straightens her back out and pulls Emily’s face close to hers for a kiss. 

It’s followed by two additional, brief pecks, Alison resuming her position from before with a content sigh, listening to the sweet sound of a reassuring “I love you” before another kiss is pressed to her head, being granted a tired, breathy laugh and a returned “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy damn, honestly; look at the progress we've made, flashing back to see how Emily used to be in comparison to this. It visibly seems like she's let a massive weight lift off her shoulders, she's more open, loving, etc. Her thought-process is wonderful now, actually noting how much she's changed and acknowledging that it's both because she's allowed herself to breathe, with Alison by her side ━ welcoming the hardships and faults of life, as a whole, while admitting that, yeah, there are things worth living for.
> 
> And, likewise, Alison's changed. She's almost turned into a playful kid when she's around Emily, especially in her childhood home. I think there's something to say about when someone's able to be prestigious at work but a joy to be around when at home (with their significant other, particularly), just like Mona said: "At the end of the day, we go home and eat lo mein in our pajamas like everyone else."
> 
> Before all of this, we see them vaguely (come on, girls, be direct) discussing the idea of moving in, or taking a further step in their relationship. I think they're enticed by the idea not only because of how connected they now feel, like they're finally on the same page, but because they don't want to be alone. From the very beginning, Alison hasn't been a fan of her apartment because it's blank and lonesome, and Emily picked up on that right away. So, of course Emily is willing to invite Alison into the space she gravitated to so easily with that warmth and comfort; Emily wants to be her rock, and she wants the girl to have a real space to call home.
> 
> There was still a hidden "issue" ━ one that didn't grow into any type of disagreement ━ in this chapter, coming in the form of Alison's slight insecurities regarding how Emily would react/judge her family's wealth. I think, as people, we often compare ourselves to others, and (sadly enough) we sometimes judge "fortunate" individuals for complaining about things when we think they're beyond lucky. It's disappointing to know that we can't always realize that luck and "wealth" are normally personally viewed instead of "beheld" like beauty is, so, yeah, Alison faced a few instances of being told she's not low enough to hold onto disadvantages in life. Emily made sure to make it known that nothing's changed, and she sees Alison for who she is as a person, building a new kind of bond. This probably falls, again, into the trust category, but they're only strengthening now ━ which, also, is supported by Alison showing Emily her favorite spot: the firefly zone.
> 
> Meanwhile, plot-twist, Jessica and Kenneth! God, it's still so weird writing his name for whatever reason, but anyway━ I really didn't plan much background on Mr. and Mrs. DiLaurentis, but I kinda sat here and was like #wow #holdup, and I think, in the end, it turned out well because Alison feels like she has someone to relate to now ━ people whom she already respected and has a connection with. Plus, they seem to really like Emily. They'll make another, brief and summed-up appearance in the epilogue, as well as Jason (who we'll see in a flashback-form next chapter, anyway).
> 
> I can't believe this story is beginning to come to a close. Chapter twenty will wrap up the main section of this fic, like usual, and we'll skip a bit over a year into the future to see what our favs are up to. For now, enjoy the last thousands of words of this story, and I hope I've delivered another fic to remember. If I didn't, maybe next one will be better. *wink-wink, in a non-creepy way*


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot believe we're already at the last (main-part) chapter.
> 
> I feel like we just started, but, as I've repeated time and time again, this is the price we must pay when I post every three days. I wouldn't take it back, though; I think three days is enough of a "hiatus."
> 
> An update on my upcoming fic before we get into this chapter: It's going well. I've hit a small roadblock in the form of procrastination, but I'm halfway through it. Plus I've revised a few chapters already. I said it before, and I'll say it again: you won't have to wait too long after this one is finished in order to read the new fic. Side note for the upcoming story: I promise I'm not being rude when I don't take anyone's ideas (in regards to any fic, actually), but I just have a specific outline that I have to stick to, and multi-chapter fics are my personal ideas, which is why I don't change them to appease to certain requests. I love your opinions, truly, so I hope you never think otherwise.
> 
> It's time to wrap this one up. Who has the tissue box?

The tip of a pen hits Alison’s desk repeatedly, blue eyes squinting while making a pursed-lipped face at the paper beneath her nose. She hardly reads it even though she tries, her mind floating off in various directions with a smile pushing its way onto her face repeatedly even though she has to review this lengthy, “first, official group meeting” packet and hasn’t been able to do squat. A subtle groan exits her throat and she leans back, bringing the clipped bundle of papers to accommodate her new position with the corner clasped between her fingers.

It’s not that she _needs_ to get this done today, but it’s Friday evening, and she’s already wasted most of the workday’s main hours by goofing off via text messages to her girlfriend and letting her mind have its own fun by thinking back on the week that’s sadly coming to an end. Her eyes lift from the page and stare out of her office, noting most cubicles being empty ━ including her girlfriend’s ━ because of the standard shift’s end, and the growing silence is annoying. She grimaces and breathes out, placing the paper onto her desk and finally realizing that it’s truly hopeless; her productivity period has passed, and it’s time to invite the weekend with open arms ━ not to say she’s very reluctant, to begin with.

The thought of going “home” to Emily makes her grin again, looking like an idiot because she’s doing absolutely nothing in her office aside from smiling at, well, _air_ . The blonde’s done it repeatedly, however, especially at the end of her workdays within this past week because of the same exact thought; she gets to exit the lobby, slide into her car, and drive over to Emily’s apartment where she throws on her pajamas, cuddles up with the brunette, and relaxes like they’re a genuine couple ━ because they are, and the concept is just so, _so_ fulfilling. Alison rolls her eyes at the fact she’s gotten to be such a smitten teenager again ━ for more reasons than one ━ and her lips rub together while recounting the week’s events.

Monday was slow, mainly because the couple felt like they were in a new stage of their relationship where they’re both comfortable and know what they want out of this “togetherness.” Additionally, the _I love you_ ’s they share each and every day make everything ten times more solid, leaving them with a sweet taste in their mouth when they grant one another a kiss before Emily leaves for work, only to watch Alison saunter into the floor’s mainspace ten or fifteen minutes after she does.

Arriving back to the apartment on Monday felt new. Emily got home earlier as Alison stayed behind to finish up a few things. They didn’t pull the blonde back too far, however, and her girlfriend jumped to open the apartment door when she heard a knock. Alison stood there with a cheesy smile, chin tilted upward, and an attitude that said, “well, I’m back.”

This entrance was mimicked the following day after an excruciatingly boring shift for both girls, but the nightly hours were much more relaxing with movies and Alison cooking them a meal even though Emily protested repeatedly. During the process, the blonde stopped as she received a text from her brother, smiling at his name appearing upon her screen before opening it and rolling her eyes at his immediate teasing.

 **_J_ ** _━ “Sorry I couldn’t make it back for Sunday’s dinner. Heard you brought your girlfriend, though.”_

The smirk emoji dotted at the end of the message wasn’t any less prying, Alison sealing her lips while making sure Emily wasn’t poking fun at her blushing cheeks.

 **_A_ ** _━ “You would’ve met her if you showed up.”_

 **_J_ ** _━ “I’ll be meeting her. From the sound of it… she’ll be around for a while.”_

 **_A_ ** _━ “Ugh, how much did Mom tell you?”_

 **_J_ ** _━ “Actually…”_

 **_J_ ** _━ “It was Dad.”_

 **_J_ ** _━ “I think she impressed him a lot.”_

The same feeling of endearment that coursed through her veins while at her parents’ house smacked her in the face once more, Alison’s dopey grin being caught red-handed when Emily asked, _“What?”_ from where she sat on the couch, head tilted to the side with skeptical eyes narrowed until she decided to walk over to where her girlfriend stood.

_“Nothing,” Alison tries to play it off, shaking her head with a bright smile that never leaves ━ even when she turns back to the food she’s attempting to cook._

_She can feel Emily’s eyes burning a hole into her back, glancing over her shoulder to see the brunette’s eyebrow quirked with her arms crossed in a forcibly lecturing stature. Alison tilts her head toward the ceiling and lets out a silly, breathy laugh, turning around and taking a few steps forward to look into squinted eyes that try to stare through her soul. She lets out a newer, “I’m done for” kind of laugh, looking into brown eyes and cheekily stating, “I’m just really freaking in love with you.”_

After dinner, their partnered clean-up session was broken by CeCe and Spencer calling the blonde, Alison enthusiastically describing their visit to Milford whilst on the phone with her friends. The story was given a _“Wait, you actually brought her to meet your parents?”_ by CeCe, followed by a _“Well that didn’t sound rude at all”_ from Spencer. She understood the other blonde’s taken-aback nature, still feeling winded by the same fact because the interaction went so smoothly and the words “my girlfriend” repeatedly dropped from her lips so naturally. Still on the line, whatever her friends began to bicker about was lost in Alison’s ear once Emily began kissing her neck with purpose while hands roamed a bit too far downward to remain anything relatively innocent, swiftly ending her attention span before she said her goodbyes, hung up the phone, and shoved the brunette into her bedroom where she took control even though her girlfriend (rather weakly) fought back.

Wednesday was different, Alison muses while raising her eyebrows at the oncoming memory. Sometime after a droning day at work, she and Emily had just settled on the couch to watch a movie ━ or not ━ when they were interrupted by none other than Hanna and Aria who were clad in casual yet semi-dressy outfits.

_“What? It’s a Wednesday night,” Emily’s voice cracks as she tries to argue against them stealing Alison away for the evening._

_“Oh, hush,” Hanna shakes her head while flinging a hand in the brunette’s direction. “You’re only upset because we’re using up one of your ‘week-long-sleepover’ nights.”_

_No response._

_“So, what do you say?” Aria looks at Alison, both her and Hanna appearing hopeful with shiny, convincing smiles._

_Alison turns to Emily with batting eyelashes and a tilted head, the brunette trying to keep on a stone-like expression before it falls and she sighs, the other blonde interrupting whatever she was about to respond._

_“Look, all I’m saying is that we find it totally unfair how you’re allowed to tongue our boss when we hardly get the chance to hang out with━”_

_“Hanna!” Aria goes bug-eyed and Alison snorts, Emily’s mouth only opening._

_“Okay, fine,” the girl huffs, trying to re-do her former statement. “I agreed to let you and Aria get to know Caleb because you’re my friends and I value your opinions. Now, Aria and I want to get to know Alison, as your girlfriend, because you value ours.”_

_“I do?” Emily squints one eye, Hanna’s face dropping while Alison nudges her girlfriend in the side._

_Her features soften within seconds, breathing out a reluctant “Fine, I won’t keep you held hostage here,” to get a chuckle from Alison and a cute “Aw, thank you” before a kiss is shared._

_The two others make teasing, gagging noises, Emily afterwards turning to her friends and saying, “Be safe. I’m not about to find a taxi just because you three didn’t feel like being responsible on a weeknight.”_

_“You seem really uptight tonight,” Hanna purses her lips. “Did we come in at a bad time again?” she looks at Alison who chuckles. “I don’t see any hickies…” her finger is slapped away by Emily._

She had a great night with Emily’s friends ━ quickly becoming her own ━ and they enjoyed themselves with little to no discussions about work ━ aside from Hanna’s vague details about her relationship with Caleb. Of course, the two cornered Alison and tried to pry about her relationship with Emily ━ Hanna asking for more details than she’d offer ━ and she confessed to a few things she didn’t initially plan on spilling such as their loving admissions, the visit to her parents’, and how serious she is about the brunette. Responses came in the form of mused comments such as a comforting _“She’s absolutely head-over-heels for you”_ and a blunt _“Are you two planning on having a private or public wedding ceremony?”_ from Hanna, no doubtedly scolded by the brunette sitting with them. Alison took it with a laugh and reddened cheeks, more so because she was tipsy off wine to mirror Hanna’s state.

Aria dropped Hanna off before bringing Alison to Emily’s, the more-incoherent blonde pointing a finger at the other and playfully (yet kind of seriously) saying, _“You better not hurt my friend,”_ while their designated driver gave the statement an eye-roll. Alison smiled and nodded her head, having no plan when it comes to doing so, and her desire to get back to Emily’s apartment strengthened up until she was delivered to the door by Aria. It’s not that she couldn’t walk by herself, but she could tell that Aria felt uneasy about leaving her to walk upstairs alone when it was past one in the morning.

_“Thank you for tonight,” Alison turns to Aria prior to Emily opening the door. “I had a great time.”_

_“I’m sure we’ll be doing it again soon,” she beams. “And don’t worry about what Hanna said. We know you won’t hurt her,” her voice sinks to a whisper, the blonde’s eyes trailing to the door as it remains shut._

_“I understand why she said it. I’m not worried. You guys love Emily as much as I do, and that’s something I can respect. I wouldn’t want anyone hurting her, either.”_

Once Emily opened the door and looked between the two, Aria gave them a simple goodnight departure and bounded down the stairs, leaving the couple to share two, silly _hi_ ’s and smiles that grew with them staring at each other for a solid minute ━ until it was broken by the blonde narrowing her eyes, making a scrunched-up face, and claiming, _“I want to bake some cookies.”_

The process was fun, mainly because Emily had no idea what she was doing whereas Alison couldn’t stop giggling at her girlfriend’s stupidity when it came to measurements; _“You’re an accountant. You work with numbers all damn day. How do you not know basic fractions?”_

Either way, the cookies were shoved into the oven with a small struggle, the two being sucked into silence for a brief amount of time before Alison approached, gently grabbed a fistful of Emily’s shirt, and asked her how her night went even though she also began to kiss her lips while leaning into her chest, only getting the broken-up recollection, _“I went to the training center, then came home,”_ before they didn’t depart for an extended amount of time after.

_“Is this… insensitive?”_

_Emily frowns at the loss of contact against her mouth because it had just appeared, Alison’s eyes suddenly looking partially sad and very lidded while trying to focus._

_“What?” the brunette puts another inch between their faces to make sure she can fully see her girlfriend’s features._

_“Me coming back here when I’ve obviously been drinking,” instead of sounding upset, Alison now seems small and vulnerable. “Admittedly, I’m a little tipsy,” she adds with a mumble, eyes trailing off to the side of the room._

_“You’re fine, Ali,” she’s quick to assure the other girl, hands cupping her cheeks to stroke delicate skin with her thumbs. “If anything, it’s super considerate of you to stop and ask me.”_

_“Okay,” Alison nods while swallowing hard, “good.”_

_They wait, though neither is sure what the hesitation is for. Alison can’t focus at all, however, and her eyes repeatedly bounce between Emily’s gaze and her mouth, wanting to press their lips together even more than before. Emily sees her struggle, but doesn’t say anything, her mouth only opening half an inch, and sucking in a sharp breath because Alison looks so wanting but also afraid to make a move, almost like they’re just starting out in a relationship again._

_“Is it okay if I kiss you more?” Alison’s smirk is so subtle that Emily almost misses it, but it’s clear once she moves closer while licking her lips. “Because I really want to.”_

_“Really?” the brunette feels a nose brush against hers, nearly kissing Alison but trying to delay it until she hears a raspy “Really” and, before another second passes, their lips press together._

Alison bites her lower lip, remembering how they almost got carried away in the kitchen until the oven beeped, and she was suddenly focused on how hungry she was ━ not to say it lasted long because, once she satisfied her craving for cookies, exhaustion slammed into her body like a truck, and it wasn’t missed by Emily.

_“Okay,” Emily breathes out after tossing Alison’s clothes onto the dresser, turning to see the blonde kicking the covers toward the end of the bed so she can get comfortable beneath._

_The brunette smiles at the sight, the blonde’s hair still so neat after her night out while she’s comfortably situated in her bra and underwear, and she has to tear herself away before staring for too long. Emily clears her throat and sees Alison looking at her with expectancy, listening to the sound of a curious “Aren’t you gonna sleep with me?” that makes her grin happily._

_“Always,” she responds without missing a beat. “I just want to clean up your mess, first.”_

_“My mess?” her voice is still raspy ━ something that makes Emily press her tongue to her inner cheek. “If I remember correctly, you’re the one who dropped an egg on the floor.”_

_She shakes her head with a snicker, sighing emphatically before correcting herself, “Okay, our mess.”_

_Alison flashes her a smug, triumphant grin before it fades and she mutters, “Don’t take too long,” while curling up against the comforter._

The last thing she heard before passing out was _“Get some rest,”_ waking up the next morning feeling like she had been drained of every drop of energy in existence. Thankfully, Emily’s early-morning, coffee routine has become something she’s beyond grateful for ━ even more so when the brunette brings her some in bed until the sentiment is ruined with a dull _“It’s time to get ready for work”_ before it’s fixed again with a comforting _“We’ll be back home before you know it.”_

Home.

Their time together has overall been one of the greatest times she’s had, and her heart drops when thinking about it coming to an end even though they still have another two nights before it’s officially over, desperately trying to hold onto the concept of “home.” Emily certainly doesn’t seem like she wants the girl to leave, and she’s reminded Alison on a few occasions about the offer she proposed before their week together fully started. Alison would be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about packing up most of her shit and simply showing up at Emily’s after work one day with suitcases full, but her apprehension is still existing while her heart pushes her to take another risk.

A risk, Alison muses with a smirk; the most recent leap she’s taken is moving her relationship with Emily into a less-paranoid state ━ one that’s the least bit appropriate for work in the form of sending the brunette sexts while they’re stationed at their desks. Maybe it’s the Friday vibe, she rolls her eyes, but it was just way too entertaining to see Hanna so-obviously prod at her friend for blushing, Alison keeping on a solid poker face.

“Ms. DiLaurentis?” a knock on her door comes with the voice, Alison nearly having a heart attack when her thoughts all but jump from her mind.

She sees Caleb Rivers standing in the doorway to her office, looking cautious about something but also a bit determined with a slightly folded paper in his hand. In turn, Alison gives him a genuine smile and a mildly shocked “You’re here late.”

“Uh, yeah,” he shakes his head. “I decided to finish up a few things because I couldn’t really concentrate, so.”

“You and I, both,” Alison mumbles before recovering. “Is there something you wanted to talk about?” her eyes narrow partially, noting how he walks further into her office and sits down in one of the armchairs across from her like there’s a lot on his mind.

“I wanted to give you this,” the paper is put on her desk, his fingers pushing it further toward her so she can read the beginning of his two-week notice.

She raises her eyebrows before looking up, “You’re leaving?”

Caleb gives her a smile, and she can’t tell if it’s sad or otherwise, his head nodding while looking at his hands as they rest in his lap.

“I wasn’t sure if I should come to you with it, or go directly to H.R…”

“Yeah, it’s… don’t worry about it,” Alison tries to smile, being caught off-guard by this abrupt visit. “I’ll handle it.”

“Thank you,” Caleb nods to her, only silence following even though Alison has a question on the tip of her tongue.

At the building awkwardness, he gives her a tight-lipped smile and pushes the chair away from her desk, pausing before saying, “For the record, you’re a much better floor director than Mr. Riley ever was.”

“Mm,” her eyes widen, “I’ve heard some stories about him.”

“A very weird guy,” it comes with a grimace, Caleb afterwards taking a breath and saying, “Well, have a nice night.”

He’s only a foot from the door when Alison calls him back, Caleb turning around until they’re face to face again. For a second, she wonders if she shouldn’t have opened her mouth because it’s not her place to ask questions, but curiosity on her own behalf gets the best of her, and she ends up letting her wonders be heard.

“Are you leaving because of your relationship with Hanna?” she makes sure to keep her voice low, a knowing glint in her eye as he steps forward with a bowed head and love-drunk smile that reminds her all too much of how she looks when thinking of Emily.

“I just don’t feel like hiding it anymore,” is his initial answer, Alison paying attention. “I know it’s not this horrible thing, but I want to feel free. I’m sick of feeling paranoid about getting her into trouble, or scared that someone’s going to point fingers at her for… _feeling_.”

The explanation makes the blonde gain some sort of fluttering emotion, connecting dots together as the words pertain to her relationship with Emily. She swallows hard and doesn’t react to what he says aside from a faint smile, Caleb continuing.

“I think she deserves to be able to talk about us without wondering if something’s going to happen. She should be able to feel happy. _Anyone_ should when it comes to who they love,” he looks down at his feet, and, for a moment, Alison wonders if he knows about her relationship with Emily because of the way he evaded her eyes.

Caleb looks at her again, “I guess I’d just rather be happy with Hanna than _attempt_ to be happy at a job I’ve only kept to stay busy.”

When Alison notices that he’s said all he’s feeling, she lets her smile widen and nods with sealed lips. At first, she isn’t sure if she _should_ say anything, mostly because she doesn’t trust her voice when she’s lost in her own emotions regarding her relationship with Emily, but her voice is low once she compliments, “You’re smart, Caleb.”

He grins at her, Alison finishing with a reassuring “Hanna’s lucky to have you.”

She can tell that he isn’t sure what to respond, so she throws in an extra “You have a nice night, too” that’s granted a hum, Caleb going to exit her office but automatically hesitating, chuckling, and claiming, “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around,” as Alison first appears stunned until it morphs into a laugh of her own, nodding.

Once he’s out of sight, Alison looks through the glass doors of her office to peer into the main area, most employees gone with a good chunk of lights off. She shifts her jaw, thinking about the conversation she just endured because, fuck, that hit home ━ and it doesn’t help when she remembers her latest encounter with Mr. Russo, happening just yesterday.

_“I see you haven’t done anything about Ms. Marin and Mr. Rivers.”_

_“No, sir, I haven’t felt the need to do anything about it,” Alison takes a deep breath._

_“May I ask why?” he doesn’t seem angry, but maybe a bit cautious and curious._

_“Individually, their productivity has remained steady, if not increased within the period I’ve known, and, if it weren’t for your word, I wouldn’t know at all,” Alison explains with a solid voice. “I haven’t seen them share more than three words within these walls following the knowledge of their relationship. If something was threatening the company's standards or image, I’d make some changes, but, as of now, I don’t see any reason as to why I should.”_

_He stares at her with understanding yet skeptical eyes, still listening as she finishes her small rant with a firm and decisive tone._

_“They’re both hard workers, and I think that’s what matters. Not what goes on behind closed doors.”_

_“And if something does, eventually, negatively affect the workplace?” he finally speaks, words still holding no malice even though his voice remains intrigued._

_“Then I’ll make some changes, and it’ll be on my shoulders,” Alison uses the words she had when speaking to Emily about trust and their relationship, finally understanding something she had been missing before the brunette became such a big part of her life._

_Responsibility._

_He seems impressed, at first only humming but soon smiling with a complimentary “I knew I hired you for a reason.”_

Now that Caleb’s words have all but smacked her in the face, Alison wonders if she was talking to Mr. Russo about the relationship between those truly mentioned, or her own with Emily. Maybe both, she bites her inner cheek; perhaps, finally, she’s taking responsibility for her relationship, and making a choice to carry on with letting her emotions feel freely without putting restrictions on them when there’s no reason to. As scary as it used to be, Alison has accepted it, and they’re moving forward ━ both her and Emily ━ with their heads held high. Ultimately, if something were to happen regarding this job, everything would be okay. She’s repeatedly told her girlfriend that she’s not alone, when everything is all said and done, but, until now, she never realized that the same goes for her; Emily’s become her rock, in many ways, and despite whatever happens at work, Alison always has a home within the brunette.

 _She’s_ her safe place ━ not this job.

And maybe it’s time to make a decision of her own.

Suddenly, Alison shoves herself away from her desk and begins to gather her things with determined hands, locking away the important papers formerly strewn along her desk before zipping her bag, grabbing her keys, and running to turn off the lights of her office.

Her feet shuffle toward the elevator at a rapid rate, not bothering to grant anyone a goodbye even if they had been paying attention to her exit, and she pulls her phone out to send a text to Emily:

_“On my way home.”_

 

X X X

 

“That was quick,” Emily raises her eyebrows with a snicker as Alison automatically passes over the threshold, wringing her hands in front of her body once her bag is tossed onto the counter. “Did you _fly_ here?”

“I want you,” Alison states with a solid tone, her girlfriend’s lips parting in confusion with a nervous snicker coming forth.

“Didn’t we already━”

“I’ve figured out that you make me happy,” is the next thing that falls from her lips, Emily picking up on her frantic state and wanting to shuffle a step closer, but Alison takes a huge breath while talking almost to herself. “I mean, I already knew you make me happy, but we both thought the happiness you give me is different than the happiness I get from my job.”

Emily stares at her.

“It’s not,” Alison shakes her head, clearing her throat briefly. “Emily, I love where I’m at in life, but I finally realize that it’s _because_ you’re in my life. That’s what matters to me. And maybe I’m crazy for saying this because I know that we’ve only known each other for so long, but you’re important to me. More important than anything I’ve ever dreamed of.”

The other girl notices that she’s starting to ramble, taking a step closer with softened features and a smile that asks her to calm down. It’s matched with a cautious “Ali…” that comes through a grin, trying to get her to breathe, but the blonde only blurts out, “I want to leave my job,” in response, getting a stunned frown from Emily whose forehead creases.

“Alison, you━” she begins to shake her head, only being cut off.

“I’ll look for a new one, Emily,” the girl sounds so hopeful and wishful, almost like she’s been thinking about this for years even though it’s been a much shorter period of time with condensed, imagined scenarios. “I want to go on dates with you. I want to be able to talk to my colleagues about my girlfriend, and vent to them about how grumpy you can get when I have to leave for a few hours. I just… I want _us_.”

“And I want that, too, but━”

“There’s no ‘but,’” she pleads with a smile. “God, I’ve been wasting all this time trying to figure out what to do about this when the answer’s been staring me in the face since the very beginning. I should’ve never pretended that the night we met didn’t mean everything to me just because I didn’t plan on it happening, and I should’ve━”

Emily takes a page out of Alison’s book and pulls her in for an abrupt kiss, making each and every word die on the blonde’s tongue when her cheeks are held by delicate hands. The brunette makes sure to keep her mouth pressed to her girlfriend’s for an extended amount of time, both because she missed the taste and also due to Alison’s overwhelming amount of ideas that seemingly came out of nowhere. She feels hands gingerly end up on her waist, Alison finally sighing into the kiss and giving Emily her cue to put an inch between them. Their faces don’t separate far, realistically, and the brunette rubs her lips together before whispering, “Wow, that really does work well,” with a breathy laugh that Alison matches.

The blonde looks into brown eyes, continuing with a now-timid “I meant it when I said you’re worth more than what this job could ever provide.”

“I know,” Emily makes sure to keep her voice kind and considerate, “and I believe you, Ali, but…”

Alison’s throat tightens during the brief pause, Emily giving her a sad smile.

“You love it there,” the brunette brushes some of Alison’s hair behind her ear. “I’m not going to let you quit solely because you want to be with me. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be the reason if there _had_ to be one, but I’m not about to be selfish,” she shakes her head. “Not anymore.”

The blonde’s hands drop from her girlfriend’s waist and she seals her lips while walking away from Emily who watches her drag herself over to the couch. She gives the girl a sympathetic look while thinking about a recent move she’s made, pushing her to follow Alison and sit next to her on the couch. Alison is perched on the very edge of the cushion, knees tapped together while running a hand through her hair, jaw shifted as if she’s been severely rejected, and Emily’s eyes bore into her temple with a pleading “Hey, look at me.”

With a bit of hesitation, Alison does as told and turns to Emily, staring into her eyes as the brunette offers a fresh smile that she can’t seem to match right now.

“There’s another reason why I can’t let you do it.”

No response, but blue eyes pay attention as the brunette reaches for her hand, entwining their fingers while recounting, “I caught Mr. Russo in the lobby yesterday before I left, and, _before_ that, I was already talking to Toby…”

Alison tilts her head to the side, eyes narrowing as Emily uses an airy voice to confess, “I told Mr. Russo that it’s time for me to move on.”

“Move on…?”

“I have a new job waiting for me at the training center,” she studies Alison’s eyes to make sure she isn’t upset, the blonde looking mostly stunned while her mouth opens. “So, I just have to write up a notice, and…” her free hand makes a vague gesture, her girlfriend letting out a caught-off-guard sound that’s more of a curt laugh than anything else.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alison asks, no anger mixing with her surprise. “I mean, why not quit in my office?”

“Honestly, it was a spur-the-moment decision when talking to Mr. Russo,” Emily explains, “and then I wanted to surprise you after taking you out for dinner tomorrow night.”

The news of having a pre-set date planned meshes into the shock of Emily quitting her job. Yeah, the brunette had talked to her about the idea before, but she never thought she’d follow through on it ━ especially without telling her, first.

“Are you sure?” she begins to smile heavily when looking at her girlfriend, getting a nod. “Like, you’re serious?”

“Look, I know you believe I’m some hot-shot accountant, but━”

Her lips are sealed with a kiss that’s both happy and thankful, Emily humming into it before it’s broken as soon as it began. Alison bites her own lower lip in a desperate attempt to wipe the ever-widening smile from her face, but it doesn’t work, and she has to take a deep breath while forcing herself to putting some distance between them. She continues to stare into brown eyes that peer into blue, just the same, and Emily’s fingers shift against hers. Alison begins to laugh, and her girlfriend questions it with a quirked eyebrow, the blonde teasing, “Will Hanna and Aria be okay without you there?”

“I’ve already talked to them,” Emily gives her a nod. “Even though we came into this together, we were all aware that it probably wouldn’t last forever, unfortunately. They want me happy and realize I need a change, so… they’re all for it.”

The other girl goes to speak, but Emily cuts her off with enthusiastic eyes, “As long as we invite them over for more ‘family’ parties, that is. Caleb, too,” she adds as an afterthought, making a face as Alison smiles at the mention of Hanna’s boyfriend who had a serious development in courage earlier.

Alison moves closer so she’s cuddled against her girlfriend whose head leans on hers, hearing Emily throw in another addition, “I’m sure they’ll be much more entertained secretly gossiping about me with you, anyway.”

They laugh, mainly because the statement holds a massive amount of truth, and Alison ends up smirking at the idea because they’ve already made plenty of faces behind Emily’s back whilst in the office, but the entertainment wears off as she tilts her head upward and asks for a kiss. The request is granted immediately and happily, Emily pecking her on the lips three times before relaxing into the cushion behind her back with Alison leaning against her.

Adding onto the physical comfortability is a sense of breathy relief, not necessarily something tangible but able to provide them with a new feeling ━ one that’s not scary, at all, but almost as if it’s the metaphorical cherry on top of an incredible concept. Neither of them knew they’d ever get here with the will to change things about themselves and their individual lifestyles ━ much less with someone important by their side ━ but it’s something that’s become their new normal. They’re happy, quite frankly, with themselves, each other, where they are in life, and where they’re heading. Sure, admittedly, maybe part of it is a little intimidating, but they know they have each other for a crutch, if need be, and it’s nice to hold onto a form of self-growth ━ both Emily and Alison, alike.

For Emily, she’s changed herself in monumental ways, coming from someone whose first language was stubbornness and second was a taste of immaturity with backtracking on honesty she feared, but now she’s becoming a better version of “new-and-improved Emily” ━ thanks, Hanna ━ which is uplifting. With fresh, positive traits comes a brighter outlook and something she’s looking forward to ━ hopefully with the girl cuddled into her side.

Alison, on the other hand, can look back on who she was over a month ago, and scan her tendencies to find traces of fear and paranoia, doubled with a sense of anxiety and plain reluctance to make mistakes. In recent weeks, even if it wasn’t necessarily on her hands, Emily has showed her that someone can trip and make mistakes without falling flat on their face and staying there. It’s called improvement, and it’s supposed to happen; it’s vital. Some things don’t even turn out horribly, Alison muses, and bring about outcomes better than dreamt-up scenarios ━ one example being the relationship she’s engulfed herself in with the brunette keeping her warm, right now. Coming from being a cautious human being, Alison’s molded herself into someone who’s ready to take risks, determined to make the most of her life while she still can.

So, maybe it’s time to take another leap of faith in hopes that it’ll pay off once more. Scratch that, she knows it’ll pay off. An accepting smile brightens her features.

“By the way,” Alison suddenly looks at Emily with a slowness in her motions, rubbing her lips together and grinning at what she’s about to say even though an extended amount of time is taken after the three words drop from her lips.

Emily waits and feels her heart skip a number of beats because of the way Alison is looking at her, a smile paving its way along her mouth once her girlfriend speaks again.

“I may be staying here for a bit longer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final "for me" note on this chapter's original document says, "Tadaaa!" but, realistically, I'm like… "What now?"
> 
> Let's discuss! That's what. So, it seems that Alison accepted Emily's offer of staying there/having a permanent, welcoming home. Finally, we all groan, like all throughout the story. It's a beautiful thing, looking back on their development, because they've both grown so much. I know I've repeatedly said that, but it's true: Alison used to be confident ━ except for when it came to taking risks ━ whereas Emily was just… childish, sometimes in good ways and other times not so much. Now, Alison allows herself to push her own boundaries and try new things, and accepting Emily's very committed offer is just another step in the right direction ━ for both of them. I like to think Emily finally trusts herself enough to understand how serious she is about Alison, and she's ready to take the next step. She's come a long way since the "no commitment" Emily we met with, first.
> 
> Speaking of Emily, she's also making changes to her life ━ quitting her job, being one example ━ in order to make herself happy. This is going to be massive in testament to her relationship with Alison, and a part of me is sad (okay, most of me) knowing that we won't be seeing the full extent of it. It'll be extremely visible in the epilogue chapter, though, don't you worry.
> 
> Alison also solidified her new trait of taking responsibility, as shown in the flashback conversation with Mr. Russo where she quotes what she had told Emily during their heart-to-heart: "Then it'll be on my shoulders." She knows that shit may get messed up in the future, and sometimes it's going to be her fault, but she's welcoming the idea of failure because she knows that she'll be able to push through whatever happens. That can also be looked at as a head-nod to Mr. Fields and what he told Emily.
> 
> Their friends all love each other, too. Alison heading out with Aria and Hanna was a fun idea to have, even if I didn't write it fully. I wanted to show that their friends are able to trust their relationship after everything that's happened, and Hanna had a point, honestly: they never really got to hang out with Alison, outside of work, whereas Emily always does it. It ended up well, I think, and I'm happy to have wrapped up the story with that moment in place.
> 
> Now, next time I'm here, I'll leave you with some leftover fluff, some surprises, and a nice closer. After that, I'll have to bear the echo of this story's folder on my laptop (*cry-cry*). For now, I'll be on Tumblr so we can pout about this fic's inevitable end together ("capn-charlie"), I'll post some dialogue from the new story (like I promised but never got around to, just yet), but, otherwise, I'll see you in a few days.


	21. EPILOGUE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good afternoon, friends.
> 
> It took us less than two months to get here, wow. I mean, to me, it feels like I posted this just yesterday, but, on the other hand… I don't know. I don't want the story to end, but it must. At least for now. Who knows what the future holds.
> 
> Again, I want to thank y'all for your support, and love, and encouragement, and kind words. I'll admit, I had a difficult time at some points during this story because I feel I wasn't conveying their relationship how I wanted, nor was I explaining my own viewpoint clearly, but I suppose that's also a positive thing; nothing happens as planned, and I'm happy everyone was so patient with me. Your opinions hold a special place in my heart, and your critiques, too, even if I don't take them.
> 
> Like always, I'm going to have to push my mushiness aside for now for the sake of letting you guys read the final installment of this story. I hope it lives up to your expectations, and at least gives you a sense of finality.
> 
> Let's see how they've grown.

━  FOURTEEN MONTHS LATER ━

 

“I can’t believe you made me endure two, three-hour rides just so we could watch a game at Fenway instead of catching one at Yankee Stadium which,  _ by the way _ ,” Alison gains a tight-lipped smile as Emily turns around, “is only an hour away from here.”

It ends with a huff as the brunette shakes her head in amusement, unlocking the door with Alison passing her so they can enter their apartment. Emily notes the boxes sitting around the living room within the confines of the darkness, flipping on the switch while following the other girl into the space and locking the door as the response, “You’re the one who lost our bet. That’s not my problem,” comes through an even-toned, matter-of-factly voice. 

Alison makes a face while taking a left and walking straight into their bedroom, knowing she should stop setting bets with Emily who follows her, smug as ever. 

The brunette moves over to her dresser so she can rummage through the drawers and find something to sleep in, her body exhausted and ready to crash onto the mattress with the girl she’s come to know and love lying next to her. She briefly glances up as her mind gets lost for a moment and her hands stop moving throughout the fabric beneath her palms, catching sight of a pretty-recent photo of the two of them, appearing unbelievably happy and candid with smiles as bright as the sun. Emily feels her heart flutter, remembering their relationship and the events surrounding the time when the shot was taken, her lips sealing in response because she’s gotten sappy about it time and time again even though it was merely a month ago.

_ The two girls lie in bed together, nose to nose with lidded eyes threatening to completely close even though they’re both hanging onto their energy. Emily plays with Alison’s fingers, taking over the girl’s usual role in tickling her skin, and she smiles whenever the blonde crinkles her nose at the light sensation dancing along the back of her hand and her palm when she allows it. They rest still and quiet, rain hitting the window beside the bed, and Emily rubs her lips together when she gets a thought that wants to smash through the relaxing silence. Alison can almost sense it, blue eyes fluttering open to look at Emily whose gaze locks with hers, giving her a sheepish grin before deciding not to push away her thoughts. _

_ “Do you have any regrets?” she whispers, her girlfriend dragging the tip of her tongue along her lower lip while thinking. _

_ “I do.” _

_ “Name one.” _

_ She takes a breath that moves her body slightly, closing her eyes again while shifting to slide even closer. Her response to the question makes Emily wonder what she’s going to say, partly curious to know if she wants to confess that a major regret is the fight they had a while back ━ not to say it’s spoken about often ━ but she waits to hear what Alison has to say. Soft eyes only open for two seconds again, almost like she’s making sure Emily is paying attention, and she finally answers with a cautious, somewhat shy “I regret… not finding you sooner.” _

_ It gets an immediate smile from Emily when it catches her off-guard, Alison focusing on the girl she’s nearly pressed against even though she wants to hide because of how silly it sounds. Regardless, she feels the need to explain herself because it’s important to her, and she realizes that Emily can tell, her overall demeanor sparkling with curiosity and love. _

_ “I sometimes catch myself thinking about what life would be like if I met you before Elliott. If I…” her voice trails off automatically, suddenly not wanting to be so straightforward but, in the end, deciding to be honest because Emily’s fingers timidly tangle with hers once her confidence fades. “If we tried making a life together, instead…”  _

_ She swallows hard at her own words, throat feeling dry. Emily understands exactly what she’s saying and wants to lean forward to kiss Alison’s insecurities away, but, unlike the standard “actions speak louder than words” feel, this calls for something much different and far less second-guessable, so she inhales deeply and decides to take a risk while riding on the confidence that’s made a solid appearance, as of late. _

_ “You have me now,” Emily comforts, voice lowering but not deterring, “and forever… if you want me for that long.” _

_ Alison opens her eyes and peers at Emily through her eyelashes when they’re not entirely level-faced, a wiped-out smile over her features as it mostly hides behind the blue color in her gaze. _

_ “How long is forever?” she doesn’t want to sound hopeful but can’t really help it, catching Emily’s quick, internal debate that ultimately leads to her licking her lips when they feel dry from tension, and Alison’s former, almost-undetectable smile widens when the brunette whispers again. _

_ “Will you marry me?” _

Emily smiles hard and can’t help it as she stands in front of her dresser, beginning to play with the engagement ring on her finger since they had decided to make their own tradition in getting matching ones, and Alison catches the look on her face once she rounds the brunette to see a dreamy expression covering her posture. She quirks an eyebrow, and Emily knows she’s been caught, trying to cover up her childish nature by flipping back to their former, playful conversation.

“You know, maybe we should hold a small, private ceremony at Fenway. That’d be a memorable wedding,” she teases Alison who tosses her bag onto the bed behind where she stands, beginning to unpack what they had taken to the baseball game.

“Um, excuse you,” the girl doesn’t really look at Emily while speaking, but her tone is dull yet interested in the bantering game. “You’re not even that big of a baseball fan. I actually thought you were much more of a fan when we first met, but you’re just fake,” she ends her accusation by straightening her back and putting her hands on her hips while facing the brunette, her fiancée’s mouth falling open with a curt, jokingly taken-aback laugh falling out.

“ _ Me _ ? You didn’t even know what an R.B.I. was until tonight,” her rebuttal comes with raised, pointed eyebrows until they’re gone when she pulls her shirt over her head to change into her pajamas, following Alison’s lead as the girl’s already snuggled into a comfortable tank-top and shorts.

“Exactly, which is why we’re most-definitely not getting married anywhere near Fenway or  _ any  _ ballpark,” a smile disrupts her words, clenching her teeth together in a way that tells Emily to stop trying to argue with her because she’s failing miserably. 

“Where would you like to get married, then?” now, it turns serious, and Alison can notice her random bit of softness, Emily leaning back against the dresser with her pajamas on and hair down past her shoulders. 

“I…” the girl shifts her jaw and eyes dart away, pursing her lips when she feels actually stunned by the question, “don’t know.”

It’s not like they’ve really discussed it, and Alison wonders when Emily began to seriously think about it. Sure, their relationship is more solid than ever, and she’s beyond ready to take the next step with the girl into a beautiful marriage, but they haven’t really planned anything regarding a ceremony or something specific. Quite frankly, Alison doesn’t mind not having a precise schedule, and the thought of having this engagement be a short-or-otherwise adventure leading to a new, more-committed one makes her want to smile huge because the girl in front of her has become both a best friend and life partner, so, as always, she’s ready to take any type of risk Emily asks her to.

“We should just use your parents’ house,” Emily muses aloud, smirking when side-eyeing Alison and walking away from the dresser so she can move into the bathroom to get further ready for bed.

“They’d love that,” although Alison wishes she could be sarcastic about it, she’s primarily serious, and Emily snickers from where she stands in front of the mirror. “My mom, especially.”

“I know,” she hears the brunette’s smug tone once she re-enters the bedroom with a toothbrush in her mouth. “She asked me out for a girls’ day. I think she wants to bond,” her words are slightly muffled, but Alison hears clearly, whipping around with wide, surprised eyes.

“She what?” Alison pretends she’s insulted, but her smile gives away her true feelings, ultimately having to forcefully pout when Emily stares at her. “Why wasn’t I invited?”

“I just told you,” Emily makes a face before walking back into the bathroom to spit out a froth of toothpaste. “I think she wants to bond with the person who’s marrying her daughter,” it’s blunt but entertained, both of them enjoying the way it sounds, and tasting the phrase repeatedly. 

“Do you know what she has planned for the day?” her curiosity gets the best of her, and she watches Emily enter the bedroom again, rubbing her tongue over her teeth and looking extremely dopey when the question, for whatever reason, catches her off-guard, getting a snorted giggle from Alison.

“Mm,” she squints one eye, “something about showing me around town and taking me to a restaurant in a small, nearby city. I don’t know. She was vague, but sounded excited, so I,  _ of course _ , accepted.”

Alison’s mouth hangs open with a partial pout being shown in her eyes, Emily not knowing why the girl is reacting with a tiny sense of sadness. She waits for an explanation, and the blonde can tell, crossing her arms like a tantrum-throwing child with a deep huff before soon letting her shoulders relax as if the energy depleted from her body. 

“I can’t believe this,” is the first thing she says, Emily sitting at the edge of their mattress while Alison stands only a foot away. “I’ve been asking her, for  _ years _ , to take me to that restaurant, but she never did. Not since I was…” she looks like she’s struggling to think, “seventeen, probably.” 

“Ali, she didn’t even tell me the name,” Emily laughs. “How do you know which restaurant she’s talking about?”

“I know my mother,” a finger is pointed in the brunette’s direction, and the girl bites her lower lip when she can’t help but laugh again, Alison forcibly glaring at her while taking a few steps closer in what’s meant to be a menacing way, yet ends up more enticing than anything. 

“I’m sorry, do you want me to cancel on her?”

“No,” Alison rolls her eyes at Emily’s teasing tone and tries to carry on with her faux layer of sadness, entwining their fingers as their hands hang between them, “if I’m right, it means she really  _ does  _ want to bond with you.”

Emily beams, “Does that mean she likes me?”

“Um, both of my parents love you, and you already know that,” again, the blonde rolls her eyes and takes another step so she’s almost between the other girl’s legs, Emily tilting her chin upward with the same, silly smile, the expression only becoming more taunting when she prods, “Aw, does that bother you?”

“Shut up,” instead of leaning down to kiss her fiancée, Alison pulls her close so they’re in an uneven hug, Emily’s cheek pressed to her upper stomach with arms wrapped around her backside. 

“If it makes you feel any better, my mom loves you more than she loves me,” she feels the statement mumbled against her thin tank-top, chuckling.

“That’s totally not true,” Alison shakes her head with a smile, looking down at Emily who unlatches herself from the blonde and tilts her chin upward. “She loves us equally,” she gingerly cups the other girl’s jaw and leans down to kiss her on the lips once she sees brown eyes narrow in response to what she said.

It’s true, though, and they both know it; throughout their relationship, their respective comfort levels with each other’s family have strengthened ━ especially Alison’s with Mrs. Fields. It wasn’t far too long after Mr. Fields’ passing that they met again, Pam paying a visit to their apartment once invited for dinner. Despite their prior meet-up at Wayne’s funeral, Alison felt her worries growing before the visit, and Emily was able to detect her nervousness, putting the girl’s anxieties to rest when she confessed that she had spoken with her mother a time or two about their relationship’s smooth sailing and how happy she was ━ not to mention the fact that the woman would constantly ask about the blonde making her daughter so content after everything happened. 

The encounter went smoothly and Alison felt a wave of relief drive through her once the night was over, ultimately kissing Emily hard after the woman left because she felt a sense of accomplishment in the form of getting to know her family since she had originally been set on building a relationship with Mr. Fields because of the brunette’s strong bond with him.

Speaking of Mr. Fields, just recently, the couple went to visit Emily’s mother around the one-year mark of Wayne’s passing, attending a home-cooked dinner at the brunette’s childhood home which Alison gawked over once she saw the thousands of old pictures scattered around each room. Emily showed her around the house like Alison had done when they visited the “DiLaurentis mansion,” bringing the girl to her old room even though the faded, purple walls weren’t the most flattering when it comes to her new style, the blonde smirking heavily as she earned an eye-roll.

Later that evening, Emily and Alison visited the park near the girl’s childhood home, the brunette dragging her lover to the bleachers where she used to hold conversations with her father, and the two enjoyed themselves. Emily rested her head against Alison’s shoulder while they sat, simply staring ahead at the field in front of them, and soft words mixed with additional memories were exchanged as their fingers rubbed against each other. 

Afterwards, while their hearts were still tender from having such a sentimental (yet also new) moment, they headed to the cemetery to visit Mr. Fields’ headstone, the blonde having brought a small group of flowers to put on the marble slab as the other girl watched.

_ “Where are those from?” _

_ Alison hears the question as she’s back to standing next to Emily, entwining their fingers again as the brunette’s voice is hardly above a whisper. She bites her inner cheek while thinking, hoping the gesture doesn’t sound too cheesy or childish. _

_ “My parents’ house,” she pauses when Emily looks at her, tilting her chin down and staring at her feet. “Before we left, last week… I asked Mom if I could pick a few flowers,” turning to the brunette, her lips twitch into a tiny smile. “I told her I wanted them for your father because he never got to meet us. Me and my family, I mean. So... in a way, I wanted him to have that chance.” _

_ Alison feels her eyes fogging up, looking back to his stone with a breath, “This way, at least I’ve given him a little piece of us and where we come from.” _

_ Emily doesn’t say anything, using most of her strength to keep herself from crying even though she smiles with sealed lips and a heart that feels so full. Alison’s cheeks turn a bit more full with a grin shifting her expression, eyes sparkling when looking at Emily to say, “I think I owe him that much.” _

The love she’s felt for Alison has shifted immensely ━ in the best way ━ and the blonde’s honesty is something that reminds her of her fortune each day. They’ve come so far, and Emily can never help but smile nowadays, finally feeling fulfilled in each aspect of her life.

Again, however, Alison isn’t the only one who’s made a great impression on her significant other’s family, and Emily strengthened her bond with Mr. and Mrs. DiLaurentis before also meeting Jason at a group dinner one day, making a tradition out of heading to their Milford house over the summer to have delicious, grilled food and a bonfire. To no one’s surprise, Emily and Jason hit it off, both getting the chance to tease Alison using a team effort as the blonde simply rolled her eyes at everything thrown at her. Emily followed through on helping Kenneth grill out on the deck whilst visiting Jessica every now and then, Alison watching her comfort level remain sturdy the entire time and enjoying the sight with rosy, admirable cheeks matching a smitten attitude ━ one that Mrs. DiLaurentis felt the need to comment on with a teasing  _ “You get your softness from your father, by the way,”  _ only to mildly offend her daughter who weakly defended,  _ “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” _ before walking away.

Emily and Alison spent the night at the house, albeit they didn’t stay within the large manor’s walls, and instead pulled out an old tent so they could sleep in the backyard with the company of a million fireflies.

_ “Em, we’re not exactly small children,” Alison arches an eyebrow with a huge grin on her face, looking judgmental as the brunette assembles the small tent. _

_ “That’s why it’ll be so much more fun,” Emily offers with a grunt before the most-recently put-up pole falls over, the blonde chuckling and shaking her head. _

The following day, their friends came over for a small party ━ Caleb joining Hanna as he’s become part of their meshed group of buddies. It became another tradition of sorts, everyone coming together to watch a baseball game between two, prominent teams, and everything fell into place perfectly as Mona and Hanna grew to be seemingly good friends with Mrs. DiLaurentis while Toby enjoyed time spent with Mr. DiLaurentis and Spencer until Alison shooed her parents away from her friends with a curt _“You’re not teenagers anymore. Leave,”_ ultimately getting an immediate _“You’re not as young as you think you are, either,”_ that the blonde’s mouth fell open at. Aria, Mona, and CeCe, at one point, went on a walk as everyone else was paired up in couples, only to come back with information that the short brunette had gotten the number of the DiLaurentis’ ━ to quote the blonde ━ _“attractive, older-yet-not-in-a-creepy-way”_ neighbor ━ A.K.A. a man named Ezra.

_ “You know, I always thought you guys like… didn’t have neighbors,” CeCe shrugs, looking at Alison whose mouth opens. _

_ “We only had goat neighbors when I lived here. It used to be a farm.” _

_ Hanna gasps and goes wide-eyed, turning to Aria, “Maybe he’s a shapeshifter.” _

“Okay,” Alison breathes out and begins to peel back the comforter as Emily remains sitting at the edge of the mattress, mostly talking to herself because she’s learned to leave the brunette to wander through her own thoughts.

Emily blinks hard and clears her throat, pushing herself away from the bed so she can shut the remaining lights off and crawl under the covers with her fiancée. She exits the room for a short moment and darkens the apartment, returning within seconds as Alison asks, “Do you have anything planned for tomorrow?” while shuffling her legs under the comforter so she can sit up with a tad bit of warmth. Emily squints one eye in thought with a hum coming from her throat.

“Tomorrow’s Sunday, right?”

The blonde chuckles, “Yes, Em, tomorrow’s Sunday.”

“Hm,” Emily hums again, getting ready to slide her knees under the covers while remaining upright, “I think I’m seeing Toby in the morning, but I’m not sure about after that.”

“Boxing?”

“Nope,” the brunette says with a sense of pride in her tone, smiling, “we’re actually going out to breakfast.”

“Oh, so I’m on my own, tomorrow morning?” Alison pretends to be surprised by the turn of events, Emily nodding happily to get a laugh from the girl.

“But you get me tonight,” Emily’s response is smooth as she tilts her head to the side, the blonde reaching out and taking her hands.

“I guess that’s fair.”

“You guess?”

“Mhm.”

Emily narrows her eyes, but Alison only smiles in a cheeky way, ultimately breaking her forced resolve.

She wonders if she had ever been this happy with everything in her life, but the short debate in her head ends rather soon because, really, she knows she’s never achieved this amount of positive energy within the time she’s been alive. It’s beyond comforting, and she can’t help but think it’s a result of Alison’s care and attentiveness, even if she ended up saving herself by changing around her own lifestyle; her new job and fresh, committed mindset have become two, powerful tools, leaving her with a sense of accomplishment each time she walks into the training center to work alongside Toby ━ unless her fiancée comes for a session out of nowhere, leaving Emily with a taste of deeper exhaustion and drive to compete.

_ Alison kicks the bag suddenly, catching Emily off-guard and nearly sending her to the floor with a thud even though she manages to sturdy herself with wide eyes and slumped shoulders. _

_ “Jesus, Ali,” Emily shakes her head and gets back into position. “Could you wait until I’m actually paying attention?” she gives her an incredulous expression, Alison raising her eyebrows with a challenging nature. _

_ “Aren’t you supposed to be paying attention at all times? Isn’t that part of the rules?” _

_ “It’s your fault I wasn’t paying attention!” although she manages to defend herself, her imagination begins to roam again, remembering how Alison had been batting her hormones back and forth for the past few hours with thick glances and inappropriately timed kisses, leaving her━  _

_ “Maybe you should be less easily distracted,” her response drips with seduction, Emily pushing away every steamed thought and beginning to mumble, “And maybe you should be less━” until her sentence is dead in her throat when Alison quirks a daring eyebrow. _

Overall, her new job has given her extreme security and stability, adding onto the blatant happiness that’s rarely disrupted. It’s become clear and tangible, leaving their home-life to stay constantly lovable yet playful ━ something they’ve both come to admire because it’s like a breath of fresh air when they walk through the door as opposed to how it used to be with tension and perhaps boredom on Emily’s side of things. Alison’s mentioned the change in attitude a time or two, the brunette mainly flashing back to an instance when her fiancée’s fingers tangled in her hair and their lips brushed past each other.

_ “I like this new girlfriend of mine,” Alison presses a tender kiss to her mouth, smiling against the soft skin without backing up much. _

_ “As opposed to the old me?” Emily gives her another peck on the mouth, smirking as an amused hum is heard. _

_ “You have many past versions of yourself, don’t you?” she’s teased, as per usual, before Alison takes a moment to think and whisper, “I only meant that you’re…” before she struggles to find an accurate word, having to pause, narrow her eyes, and let her grin grow further. _

_ The brunette waits, feeling Alison’s body press against hers before lips are moving against her mouth when the girl speaks again. _

_ “You have this lightness about you.” _

Emily looks at Alison who stares at her, still sitting atop the mattress because neither of them want to sleep yet. She gets a smile before being tempted to erase it with a lingering kiss that takes five seconds to complete, both girls backing up with held eye-contact. Alison bites her bottom lip while looking down and playing with Emily’s fingers again, dragging her nails across the brunette’s palm and down her wrist when her own thoughts begin to play on a similar loop, remembering the happiest months of her life in the form of a healthy relationship and stable job.

Something that’s contributed to both, major parts of Alison’s happiness is the ability to mesh both concepts in the same conversation, naturally discussing Emily while she’s at work ━ using the term “my fiancée” repeatedly ━ before coming home to tell the brunette how her day was, primarily when she’s  _ asked  _ by the girl. 

She chuckles at a specific memory, and Emily quirks an eyebrow but doesn’t ask, simply enjoying the feeling of nails against her skin while they sit in the darkness and silence.

_ “You know how the company decided to downsize last month?” Alison stands in the kitchen with Emily across from her, the blonde’s hands on her hips with a faded smile on her face because she knows the other girl is going to be thrilled with the news. _

_ “Yeah…” Emily treads carefully with a skeptical look in her eye. _

_ “Well,” she bows her head for second, “they let two more people go today…” _

_ “Okay…” _

_ “One being Ben,” her eyebrows raise when mentioning the coworker that Emily never liked, the brunette barely offering an excited expression as Alison’s own entertainment falters. _

_ Before waiting too long, Emily looks off to the side to stare at nothing in particular, laughing slightly and claiming, “And to think there’s no champagne in the cabinet,” before turning back to Alison who snorts at her out-right dislike. _

Another great thing that’s been reveled in is their ability to be as free as they’d like in public, a serious string of dates having been held once Emily was officially done with the company and Alison felt comfortable enough. They didn’t waste time whatsoever, Emily immediately asking the other girl on a formal, dinner date, followed by a few coffee ventures that only twice ended up with the couple running into familiar faces.

_ “Ms. Fields,” Mr. Russo raises his eyebrows in surprise, shaking his head before correcting himself, “I mean… Emily. How’ve you been?” _

_ “I’ve been great,” she gives him a kind smile, the man matching it and turning to Alison with a father-like “And I know how you’ve been.” _

_ Alison chuckles and doesn’t let go of the brunette’s hand, Mr. Russo not paying much attention to the gesture, and instead turning to the man next to him before giving introductions. _

_ “This is James,” he looks between the two, and everyone shares friendly faces, “my husband.” _

She remembers the first time she found out that Mr. Russo was married to a man and how shocked she felt, more so because she grew up knowing stereotypes in the schools she attended, and the company’s vice president always had a physical build about him that destroyed each bit of society’s dubbed standards, but the news made her feel far more empathetic toward him. Maybe there’s more to  _ everyone  _ than meets the eye, she thought at the time.

Emily was only mildly shocked by the information, tilting her head to the side and squinting one eye before remembering,  _ “I think Hanna mentioned something once, but I never paid much attention to it because she always claimed to have a good gaydar, yet never said anything about you,” _ to which Alison launched a pillow at her for. 

Their meeting with Mr. Russo at the coffee shop was short and sweet, ending with him pulling Emily aside while Alison picked up their drinks and his husband went outside to take a call.

_ “Professionally, I understand what I assume to be part of the reason why you left,” the man’s voice is knowing as he gives Emily a warm smile, “but, personally, I’m happy to feel like I brought two, bright, young people together, and I’m glad everything worked out.” _

Her fiancée had confessed as to what Mr. Russo told her, and Alison could see the secure feeling of acceptance making her tear up once they were home, pulling her into a hug and holding her for a while longer. Sure, Mr. Russo had been involved in a few conversations when Alison spoke about Emily in a romantic setting, but he never fully acknowledged it due to the professional atmosphere in which they usually saw each other. At the coffee shop, it’s like he was someone new and gave the younger couple his full attention, ending with a warm sweep of acceptance that neither Emily nor Alison knew they needed until it came.

That was the better encounter which took place at a cafe, their other date being ruined by a familiar (yet unfriendly) face in the form of Samara. Alison saw the other blonde first, her grip on Emily’s hand tightening in an alarming way until she turned to see a severe stare-down taking place. Emily wanted to drag Alison out of the coffee shop but simultaneously refused to stop her day solely because Samara was suddenly walking toward them with a smile that they could both see through, the girl clasped to her side shifting her jaw severely.

_ “And who’s this?” the toxic blonde asks as if Alison’s a child hanging onto Emily’s arm, the brunette stiffening at the tone and not wasting any time before raising her chin with a firm “This is my girlfriend.” _

_ “Hm,” is the hum that follows, inviting the conniving comment, “you look familiar,” when she turns to Alison, knowing exactly what she’s doing. _

_ Emily bows her head, Alison not giving Samara any more time to ruin their day by pulling the brunette out of the coffee shop. _

Her sadness delivered a few  _ I’m sorry _ ’s to Alison who comforted her thoroughly, the thick emotions not lasting long because, thankfully, months of being without Samara reminded her that she’s stronger than she’d ever been before, and the blonde managed to get a smile out of her within thirty minutes of the encounter even though she mainly felt bad that their day took a nosedive.

Opposing this instance, another more-random day-out brought Emily recieving a text from Sabrina ━ her most-recent ex-fling before Alison came into her life ━ even though the number wasn’t saved anymore, and she took on the role of comforting her jealous fiancée with sweet words and convincing reasons to make her believe that she’s in their relationship for the long-run. Alison jabbed at her for an hour or so, but Emily took the statements one by one, not steering away from letting the blonde know how much she wanted her and  _ only  _ her. It didn’t take too long for the two to end up in bed together for the remainder of the day, Alison finally deciding to return the favor of showing Emily how desired she truly is ━ and how  _ taken _ she is.

Emily clears her throat and shakes her head, “What are  _ you  _ doing tomorrow?”

“Um,” the blonde drawls, “I have plans to go shopping with CeCe, Spencer, and Mona. We’re looking for new, apartment things.”

Emily raises her eyebrows at the mention of Mona, knowing the dark-haired girl has become a solid figure in both of their friend groups nowadays.

“Is Atlas going?” the brunette looks smug when she says it, CeCe’s newfound relationship with the girl still grinding on Alison’s nerves ever since she found out Emily’s short history with the bartender.

Alison’s nostrils flare while her jaw shifts, a playful-yet-kinda-serious eye-roll being seen, “No, she’s not.”

She snickers, the blonde pinching her and getting a sharp “Ow, Ali.”

“It’s your fault for being so entertained by this,” her voice comes out through a hiss, leaning forward. “I still can’t believe you never told me that you two hooked up.  _ Before  _ they started dating.”

“I never had a reason to!” Emily tries to defend herself. “I wasn’t going to give you a list of everyone I’ve slept with,” as soon as she says it, regret smacks her in the face and she wants to literally face-palm herself, Alison raising her eyebrows at the idea with an interested hum coming from her throat.

She remembers the blonde’s initial reaction to Atlas timidly asking her,  _ “This isn’t going to be weird, is it?”  _ when CeCe brought her new girlfriend along for a group hang-out night, Alison not giving much thought, at first, but, within seconds, understanding the implication with Emily sealing her lips forcefully and giving her an “I know I’m in deep shit” side-eye. 

_ “Yeah, Emily, is it?” the blonde sitting pressed against her leg makes her nerves spike even higher, lips parting as her eyes whip around with everyone looking at her. _

_ CeCe turns to Alison because she’s already fully aware of the two’s history, but apparently her friend had no idea, and it makes her seal her lips with a “yikes” face. Emily takes a breath as Atlas’ mouth opens, realizing that the girl hadn’t mentioned anything to Alison, and suddenly everything is━ _

_ “Yup, definitely weird,” Hanna muses before taking a sip of her drink, Aria following suit as Spencer sits wide-eyed. _

“Anyway,” Emily tries to cover her own ass by changing the subject, “is Toby going to like what Spencer buys?”

It comes with a smirk that Alison chuckles at, knowing that Spencer’s style differs from Toby’s immensely and they’ve both been put on the spot during group get-togethers after everyone found out about the news of them moving in together.

“More or less,” she answers with a small laugh, Emily smiling before falling silent, nibbling her lower lip, and looking at her fiancée with a newfound curiosity.

“Am I going to like what  _ you  _ buy?” 

Alison’s short-lived smirk almost immediately turns into a beaming smile, replying, “We’ll see,” with an airy attitude that Emily seals her lips at.

_ “This…” Alison’s conflicted, strained voice already trails off, the brunette staring at her with sad, pleading eyes. “Emily, this is home. I’ve never felt in-place anywhere after leaving my parents, and I’m…”  _

_ The girl doesn’t want to say she’s scared, but, to be frank, she is; the thought of moving away from her comfort zone is terrifying, especially after she hadn’t found something this welcoming since her childhood. Emily tries to understand but can’t bring herself to, their debates about this topic becoming more frequent because, while Alison is beyond content here, she feels it’s time to move on and create new memories, mainly because they’re going to be married soon and it’d be nice to have something completely theirs ━ not simply filled with a mix of good and bad history on her own account.  _

_ “If you’re not ready━” Emily goes to speak but is cut off quickly. _

_ “This has nothing to do with being ready in regards to our relationship,” she’s adamant and makes sure the other girl knows, getting attentive eyes. “I wouldn’t have accepted your proposal if I wasn’t. I’m unbelievably comfortable with you, but… this place…” again, her explanation dies off, and Emily takes a step closer to her fiancée.  _

_ “Ali, we can make a new home just as meaningful and cozy. Together,” her eyes are inviting all on their own, Alison swallowing hard and having to look away because she feels herself crumbling. “Anywhere you want, we’ll make it home. I’ll make sure you’re comfortable.” _

_ Silence, but blue eyes lock with hers once more, and she gets the strength to continue. _

_ “I won’t push you right now,” Emily cups her cheeks. “It’s a big decision, and, you’re right, it’s also a risk.” _

_ Alison bites her inner cheek and looks at the girl in front of her, feeling gentle fingertips tremble against her jaw. _

_ “But don’t you think it’s time to build a life together?” it’s desperate, and Alison can tell, hearing the scattered hopefulness in her words. “Somewhere that doesn’t have the stain of my former self on it,” she mutters as an afterthought, eyes trailing away from the blonde’s for a second. _

_ “You know I don’t think about that.” _

_ “You don’t, but I do,” Emily’s hands drop from her face, falling to her sides while ducking her head in a shade of embarrassment.  _

_ Alison’s realization is sudden yet comes to her slowly, tilting her head to the side and taking a step closer to Emily once she notices that the girl’s added space between them. _

_ “Do you really?” she asks with a former cluelessness, looking into hesitant, brown eyes. _

_ Emily looks apprehensive, but ends up nodding with a small sigh tumbling from her lips. _

_ “It doesn’t affect how I feel anymore, but it’ll always be there, Ali,” she gives her a sad shrug, looking around the living room. “This place… even though we’ve made some unforgettable memories in it…” a pause drums up more silence, Alison paying attention before Emily locks eyes with her again and confesses, “Some of my own memories, I’d like to leave behind.” _

Alison knew that Emily had worked on so many of her own insecurities to keep their relationship afloat and strong, days later deciding that it was time to make this a joint effort like she had once hoped for, the brunette coming home to a list (rather dramatically) titled,  _ “Our new home requirements,” _ and turning around to see the other girl standing in the doorway with a committed grin before it was kissed away.

It didn’t take long before they found a new apartment that checked off most ━ if not all ━ of the boxes on Alison’s extensive list, opting to stay away from actual houses for now because their current spot in the city is the perfect area ━ or so they decided. Soon, they’ll be moving to a spacious apartment with three bedrooms and nice furnishings, the two being overwhelmingly happy with the new place they’ll call home, and Alison’s worries have (mostly) been put to rest ━ especially when she felt Emily grab her hand once they were able to see the residence in person.

“You’ve been thinking a lot, tonight,” Alison points out, her hands trailing higher and gingerly wrapping around Emily’s forearms so she can pull herself closer to the girl, their knees brushing while tilting her head to the side. “Are you okay?”

Instead of reacting how she used to, a kind smile gets plastered onto Emily’s face at the question laced with care, the brunette licking her bottom lip before trapping it between her teeth. She makes a more-exaggerated thinking face, and Alison narrows her eyes in a way that asks what her fiancée is up to, but each and every question she was coming up with evaporates when Emily’s eyes lock with hers, and she asks, “Do you wanna go to Heroes’, tomorrow night? Just you and me.” 

It ends with a different type of softness, her voice lacking hope but a knowing tone that signifies she’s aware that the blonde would love to.

Alison’s smile causes her to remember the last time they went to Heroes’ ━ over a month ago ━ and how it felt like they were reenacting their original encounter, both grinning the entire time as Billy hummed at them with a knowingness to the tune. The bar-visit finished with the couple giggling while exiting through the door and hardly being able to stay on their feet because they hadn’t been looking where they were going due to sheer amusement, and Emily was particularly caught off-guard when Alison pulled on their clasped hands until they were in a hidden, dimly lit alleyway with no one around. She was pushed against the brick wall while still laughing, Alison kissing her hard to muffle her entertainment until it was died down permanently and replaced with captivation.

_ “Are you making up for what you didn’t do, the first night we met?” _

_ “Maybe a little bit,” Alison kisses her again. “And I’m going to continue making up for it once we get back to our place.”  _

“What’s the occasion?” the blonde’s wonder interrupts the memory as she leans forward with her elbows resting between their bodies, somewhat hunched over with the other girl tilting her chin downward to keep looking into her eyes.

Everything cliché comes to mind, trying to strain her thoughts even though one escapes as she airily replies, “Dreams coming true,” to intentionally remind the girl of their first night together at the same bar. 

“No, seriously,” it gets an eye-roll but a reminiscent grin. 

“In a way, I am being serious,” Emily confesses. “I never expected us to get here, and I’m always reminded that this is so fulfilling,” she bites the tip of her tongue during the pause. “I feel so much different from who I was before. You were always different in a unique way, but I was some boring person.”

Alison’s smirk from before returns, “You mean… a daytime accountant, nighttime bar-goer?”

“Exactly,” the word comes through a breathy laugh. “You changed that, or at least helped me change that about myself, and… I don’t think I say it enough, but I’m happy I didn’t get your number, that night,” she looks off to the side of the dark room. “I don’t think we would’ve ended up where we are now, if I had.”

Blue eyes narrow with a sly appeal remaining over her features, “Miss Fields, are you trying to pick me up for a nice night at your place?”

Emily rolls her eyes, and Alison picks up on her growing shyness, biting her inner cheek and keeping her gaze squinted until she’s reaching out and pushing hair behind the brunette’s ear with a sweet “Is there a reason why you’re being so sentimental?”

“I’ve just been remembering a lot,” the admission comes through a sigh. “After the year-mark of my dad’s passing, I feel exceptionally grateful for the people I have. Especially you,” she wants to lean in and kiss the girl staring at her with such love, but manages to keep herself at bay by taking in a breath. “It hasn’t been easy to deal with me, and I know that, but… you’ve managed,” a pause follows the statement, being filled in by a fresh grin. “I’ll never be able to make that up to you.”

“But you can try,” Alison smiles big, getting Emily to lean in for a kiss to ease their eagerness for a bit longer.

Alison backs up once their lips depart, looking like she’s thinking as the other girl had been doing before opening up her mind. Emily wonders what’s going on inside her head by the look on her face, Alison seeming shy and almost as if their roles have reversed since their lips connected for a short moment. 

“You’ve been thinking about something, too, haven't you?”

At the question, Alison looks timid to spill what her imagination has been harping on but takes in a deep breath and ends up being honest with a raspy whisper, “I’d like to get married soon.”

Emily only looks mildly taken aback, eyebrows raising because that’s not what she was expecting, and Alison takes it upon herself to explain further, almost backtracking with a low yet solid voice, “When you’re ready, of course, but…” her forehead creases, “I don’t want to wait.”

Brown eyes note the subtle grin on her face and how hopeful yet serious she looks, just like she’s been thinking about this for a while even though Alison realizes that she’s come up with her decision not too long ago; although she’s beyond content being engaged to Emily, the thought of being hand-in-hand within such a solid commitment is both exciting and nerve-wracking, and she’d rather not wait to get a taste of that level of relationship with the brunette. She wants it now, not being afraid to let Emily know where her heart is, and, when a still-kinda-stunned smile rounds the girl’s cheeks, Alison feels confident in her honesty. 

“You want to elope?” Emily asks even though she already knows the answer, making sure they’re on the same page.

“I don’t care about the extravagance or this huge thing, and I know  _ you  _ don’t because I saw the look on your face when we first discussed it,” she giggles, the brunette shaking her head while giving her a similar yet more-died-down reaction.

“Don’t say you don’t care about the details just because of  _ my  _ reaction, Ali.”

“I’m not,” Alison is quick to assure. “I’m  _ relieved  _ that you don’t seem to mind.”

Emily looks at her, visibly relaxing her shoulders when Alison stops playing with her fingers and simply holds onto her hands firmly. 

“I just want us,” her eyebrows raise as she emphasizes all four words, a never-disappearing grin on her face. “Something small, maybe with friends and immediate family because they’d probably kill us if we didn’t invite them…” her eyes widen toward the end, mumbling the last part as Emily purses her lips in agreement, “but I don’t want to wait much longer.”

Again, the other girl only looks at her with occasional blinking, silence sinking in with the two staring at one another. Alison waits for some kind of sign or answer that Emily’s fully processed the suggestion, not really getting one until the brunette bows her head, relaxes again, and returns to a face-to-face position with a bigger, smitten smile and a happy “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alison returns the sentiment, waiting before questioning, “Is that a yes?”

“Are you sure you want that?” although she wonders aloud, her excitement never falters, and the blonde’s eyes shimmer with dedication, nodding firmly.

Emily hums and presses her tongue to her inner cheek, remembering the conversation they had when they agreed that their relationship could be out in the open sooner rather than later, the brunette beaming and asking, “Soon?” to which Alison mirrors the expression with another nod. 

“Very soon,” the blonde remembers the same conversation, leaning in almost before the words exited her mouth so she can press her lips to her fiancée’s with intent strewn within her actions, somewhat climbing into her lap with knees digging into the comforter, and pushing the girl onto her back.

She breaks the kiss as she lies atop of Emily whose eyes focus on hers without signs of hesitation or wondering, wanting to connect their lips again but instead laying her head onto the mattress while her hands rest on Alison’s lower back. A nose nudges against hers when Alison silently asks for another kiss, not being granted one immediately as Emily angles her head to the side with a tender smile across her mouth.

“Together,” the brunette states rather than asks like in each, previous case, her fiancée breathing out what sounds like a sigh of relief almost against her mouth and kissing her hard, only breaking the embrace to mumble an agreeing “Always together” before sealing their lips again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, now this is the serious "Tadaaa!" ━ but I still don't feel that magical.
> 
> These two… fourteen months later and still defeating their insecurities, one by one, in the form of Emily convincing Alison to take another huge leap in buying a new place together ━ not to mention the fact that Alison was first adamant about not moving, but changed her mind when realizing that she needs to care for Emily, just as much.
> 
> What else did we learn? Ah, yes: CeCe got a girlfriend (which Alison isn't pleased with since Emily had a thing with her, but anyway)! Mr. Russo has a husband! Samara's still a dfkghjsdkf! On-screen, endgame couples reunite! Oh, yes, and… they're engaged (and getting married soon)!
> 
> I (unfortunately/oddly enough) don't have much to say for this final chapter. I mainly just wanted y'all to have a nice wrap-up (let's be real, I enjoyed it, too), and I needed to tie up loose ends. I hope I accomplished both of those things, and I really, really hope you enjoyed this story ━ despite the ups, downs, and in-betweens. It's no secret that some of you disagreed with what I wrote, some had strong opinions about certain moments, etc., but all I can wish for is that I delivered something that'll live on in the fanfic world ━ or at least on my page. Again, writing is a lifestyle for me, even if it hadn't always been that way, and I can't wait to continue putting content out there with included lessons, issues, hidden meanings, etc.
> 
> Thank you so much for enjoying this idea with me, and I hope you also enjoy the next.
> 
> That brings me to what I'd like to say before I change this fic from "In progress" to "Complete": Not sure how many people noticed, but I posted a small snippet of my new story on Tumblr. It should be only a page or two into my blog, if you'd like to check it out. Also, I'm finally going to share the specific summary with y'all, and, like most of my other fics, it's meant to give things away without flat-out telling everyone what's going to happen:
> 
> "Fresh off an ill-timed pregnancy confirmation, a self-assured Alison finds herself drawn to Emily, a friendly stranger, after a random trip to the neighborhood pharmacy. Once their paths cross repeatedly, she decides it's no coincidence and intends on figuring out why she feels so connected to Emily ━ however, it maybe be way deeper than either of them could've imagined."
> 
> So, now you have something to base your oncoming theories on. I still haven't chosen a solid posting date yet, but I'm working on it. I want to make sure I have most of the fic written before I post the first chapter. I can tell you, though, that it'll include Halloween, Thanksgiving, and a Christmas-esque chapter, so it's very autumnal ━ meaning that I'm aiming for sometime soon (and hopefully it's not Shay's definition of "soon").
> 
> Like always, if you need me, or want to ask questions, I'll be on Tumblr ("capn-charlie").
> 
> Again, thanks for coming with me on this little journey.
> 
> *Insert fancy signature here*


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